The urge to punch my house mate in the face is strong today.
I went into the kitchen to put some washing on this morning, whilst I was there I put away the dry dishes and plates and changed the bin bag. Fifteen minutes later I go back in and the place is a shit hole again. He has cooked himself a fry up and then rinsed the pans under cold water meaning the sink is covered in solidified fat. Nothing has been put away or put in the bin. I want to destroy the little wanker.

BAD HOUSEMATE EXPERIENCES?

Alt: How did you get your own back?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 12:50, 242 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

3 weeks after a housemate moved in he simply didn't go into work one day, having woken up late
Went in on the Monday to be told to fuck off. Couldn't get another job, cost me a fortune. I eventually kicked him out, but it was too late, as I couldn't afford to keep the house anymore, and had fucked my credit raating, AND got into debt.

Add to that the fact he was annoying as sin, stank to high heaven, and repeatedly referred to everything as 'That's the first thing they teach you about being a doorman', despite it being clear he'd never been anything close to a bouncer in his life. Then, there's the fact he'd insert himself into everyone's conversations, acting like they'd known each other for years, that was just embarrassing. He was really happy about someone having a party, saying 'you know what those are like!'. No I don't, and neither do you, you fucking helmet.

Alt: Kicked him out.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:00, Reply)

I feel your pain,
I understand how a student house is always going to be messy, fair enough but communal areas should be treated with respect by everyone who uses them and this lot are fucking animals. Only a couple more months then the wankers are gone but my God I want to punch the bloke in the face. And the girls but I'm not allowed to hit them.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:04, Reply)

I have a terrible tendency to not wash up after cooking
However, I always tidy the stuff up, so whilst it's dirty, it's in a tidy pile, meaning that it's not taking up much room.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:08, Reply)

See I won't eat 'til all the shit I've used is washed up. It's easy if you do it as you go. Plus the sink is full of hot soapy water for when you've finished eating.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:09, Reply)

I take it you never eat omelettes or souffles then.
Y'all need to eat that shit the second you serve it or it's foul.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Steak, also
I always time it so that it is done resting just as the other parts are all cooked, meaning everything can be plated up immediately.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:13, Reply)

I am a fast eater
but even if I wasn't, I would never understand people who gas on and on whilst their meal goes cold. Fuck that. Eat it whilst it's hot, and talk afterwards if you must, you weird cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:16, Reply)

Only time we get any peace and quiet at my Dad's at Christmas is when we're eating

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Hot plates save meals

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:19, Reply)

The slightly less critical followup to 'careless talk costs lives'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

I don't even wait for everyone to get their food before eating.
Weirdly english thing to do, most of the rest of the world they just get started, no point staring at it.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

Omlettes very rarely, never tried souffle and mainly cook with pork or chicken so they stand for a few minutes anyway.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Sorry to hear you've grown up bob.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:11, Reply)

Hello Renegade Quixote.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

have angry sex with him.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:09, Reply)

Is that your 'alt'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:09, Reply)

HAHAhahahahahaHAHAhahahHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha!!!!!!
no.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:14, Reply)

How are ya?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:14, Reply)

not dead, you?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Same. Small mercies and all that, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:22, Reply)

Alt: I was simply born with it.
Much like my front.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:09, Reply)

You seem to have left your sense of humour in Iceland.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:14, Reply)

With that and the wallet incident in El Segundo, I'm really not doing well these days.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:15, Reply)

The primary reason for my being both poor and in Slough
is my resolute refusal to house or flat share. I just can't stand the thought of going through that shit again.
( Kroney, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:13, Reply)

I never thought I'd enjoy house sharing, but I honestly love it in my place

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:15, Reply)

I guess having the boiler in your under the stairs cupboard keeps you nice and warm

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:17, Reply)

I'm on the 2nd floor, sorry to break it to you.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Oh wow they gave you the attic
"No AA you have the attic it'll be fun climbing the ladder everynight, honest"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

Nope, that's above me.
Large house, several floors, you see?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

large work
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Again, nope.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

I can't afford to even live in Slough

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:17, Reply)

It's worth looking at. It's not a seductive town
but rents are reasonable, trains to anywhere you need to go etc. Just stay away from Chalvey. Fuck me, that area's grim.
( Kroney, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:24, Reply)

I'm looking at Britwell at the moment, so it's easy for work
I wanted a house, but I'll have to settle for a flat.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:25, Reply)

i couldn't live in a house full of randoms again, it was fun in my 20's though
but i reckon my housemates have had a pretty easy time of it in my flat, as i'm never in, so they basically get the flat to themselves most of the time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:18, Reply)

You are like well old

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:18, Reply)

fuck you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Your housemates are the borrowers?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:19, Reply)

On the other hand, once I got into my 20s
I got territorial.
( Kroney, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:20, Reply)

'it's like being a real soldier, honest'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:24, Reply)

will you leave quentin alone?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:24, Reply)

SIR YES SIR

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:25, Reply)

shittest foreplay ever

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

FEAR. HAS NO PLACE. IN THIS DOJO.

'yes Quentsei'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

*pause whilst "girlfriend" is re-inflated*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Same here.
Plus I own so much stuff I need a flat in which to store it all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:21, Reply)

I had to throw stuff away when I moved into this flat
I lived in a three bedroom house for eighteen months and although two of those rooms were empty, I filled up two fucking skips and *still* had too much stuff to fit in the flat.
( Kroney, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:22, Reply)

maybe if you spent less of your money on Satr Trek memorabilia that fills up your house
then you wouldn't need to live in Slough!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:23, Reply)

Satyr Trek
The planet hopping paedo adventures of Mr Tumnus
( Kroney, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Mr Bumnus

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

Hahahaha
Oh Christ, I hate myself for laughing at that
( Kroney, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

we hate you too
hope this helps
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

I am genuinely sorry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

He's clearly a fucking nonce
Have you seen the way he looks at Lucy?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

It makes me cringe. Both the BBC series and the film versions
are deeply fucking sinister. There's just no way to film that to make not look like a fiddler.
( Kroney, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Once I was told the whole thing is a bent Jesus allegory
even the books don't appeal any more. And I loved them as a yout'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:32, Reply)

This
it ruined them for me. Especially in the last one where Susan doesn't get in to heaven because she's more interested in nylons and lipstick. Fuck off, Lewis.
(berk, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Indeed.
My father thinks the sun shone out his tedious Christian ass. On this and so many other issues, he is plain wrong.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:40, Reply)

How was Iceland?
Did you go to the blue lagoon?
(berk, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:44, Reply)

He preferred it at the Blue Oyster Bar

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:47, Reply)

It was fucking brilliant, thanks./
We did indeed. It's like bathing on the moon, I thought. The pint I had whilst in there is one of the most enjoyable drinks I have ever had, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:47, Reply)

I'm very glad to hear it.

(berk, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)

the worst of the lot is the 1970's cartoon with june whitfield
mr tumnus has a red face and green curly hair and looks straight up lucy's skirt when he calls her a "daughter of eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Blissfully unaware of its existence.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Trebus lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:23, Reply)

Why not stop beinga passive aggressive little bitch on here and tell him to tidy his shit up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:17, Reply)

Are you Italian?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:23, Reply)

are you calling me a lazy, scooter riding sex pest?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Whensa your Dolmio day?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:25, Reply)

this remindsa me of da kitty
saying that wiggy uses it to mean period.

yeuch. i cannot watch that ad on tv now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

Rag week is a more repellent phrase, I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

well yeah
clearly in that context a day is 7 times more preferable than a whole week
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:31, Reply)

I don't understand people who buy dolmio
it's herbs and tomato, if you don't have that in your cupboards you should consolidate all your debts into one easy monthly payment quit uni and get a job.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I agree with this post

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Innit.
Just how lazy and/or incompetent can someone be?


Oh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Wednesday, what of it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:31, Reply)

I had a housemate who used to bring back girls he met at squat raves
and would then moan that they wouldn't leave or were crazy. He also used to go into rather more detail than I would care to hear about their fannies.
Nice guy, but just a bit much to live with.

There was also a scary old man in the flat called Don. He had an amazing ability to turn every conversation into one about suicide, was a Cornish separatist and had a very red veiny nose which made me feel ill when I looked at it.
( wanderlust, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

You don't half pick them.
Still no problems now then?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Monty's not that bad really.
He doesn't talk about other girl's fannies and his nose doesn't make me feel sick.
( wanderlust, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

It's his penis that makes you sick isn't it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:34, Reply)

I was going to say
If there was a choice between Monty's penis and your face. I'd take Monty's penis every time, but that doesn't sound quite right.
( wanderlust, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:45, Reply)

It sounds fine to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)

Give it time, it'll 'Westbrook' soon enough

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

But what about the other 99% of him?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Or in Gonz's case, 80%

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Hahahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:39, Reply)

terrible racism

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:42, Reply)

I thought it was fairly successful racism.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:44, Reply)

No real names lusty!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:30, Reply)

I knew I recognised you from somewhere.
How's the old separatist shit going, anyway, Don?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Fine thanks, what's the fanny like on your lastest rave conquest

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

'like a soggy aubergine' (c) Bert

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:34, Reply)

"Looks like a hand grenade went off in a sea urchin" (c) Boss Keloid

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

"looks like a burst badger"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:37, Reply)

"like a Wookiee's fish supper"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:40, Reply)

You've managed to make a subthread about fanny euphemisms into a nerdy Star Wars one.
Well done you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:43, Reply)

I defy any man to be nerdier this day

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:46, Reply)

"Smuggling Dennis Rodman"

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:46, Reply)

"GET TO THA CLOPPA!"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)

"Clit like a silverback's knuckle" (c) Tourettes

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)

"A stamped bat"

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:09, Reply)

I suggest you do one of the following;
- Go into his bedroom and swap everything on the left side of the room to the right and vice versa. Then paint all the white things black and the black things white, in the hope that the resultant discombobulation reverses his habits and he becomes tidy and pleasant to live with. Downsides; will also become gay.

- Shit in his bed, repeatedly, until you have enough effluent to form a passable model of a horse's head. Downsides; impractical, disgusting.

- Brutally sodomise him into oblivion. Downsides; none.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

+ delete his account, and kill him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

What about all three is or that just unheard of?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

You're basically looking at buggering a man in a bed containing a good amount of your own poo
in a room which is really fucking trippy. If you survive the experience you'll never speak of it again
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

STOP THREATENING PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE VIOLANCE

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:27, Reply)

nonce
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

nope
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

You're a 404 error message?
I mean, an editing ninja shitbag?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

i fexed it

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

so why don't you dress up as the pope in your sex games?
or mother theresa might get your other half frothing at the gash like you squeezed in a bottle of fairy liquid as lube?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

i don't think anyone finds the pope sexy, my girlfriend is not a catholic
she just likes soldiers really
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

but you'd still do the fairy liquid thing, right?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

worth a try

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

Where I'm from
people like that are called 'squaddie groundsheets'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

i don't think she likes the idea of being with a real soldier what with them being quite thuggish
so me dressed as one is the next best, safe otipon
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:38, Reply)

I like this.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:37, Reply)

CQ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU BACK

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:42, Reply)

I am indeed.
They couldn't keep me away for long.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:47, Reply)

thank god, i ahted that plum person he was mean

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:47, Reply)

I shall restrain myself from speaking of, or to, him
just to be safe. I don't want to get stepped again.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:48, Reply)

put him on ignore ©
ignore is great, bad people disappear and the world is a better place^TM
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:49, Reply)

This is my plan.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:50, Reply)

i said it first, it's my plan

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:50, Reply)

Put him on ignore Quentin, then you won't know if he is stealing your plans

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)

yes!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)

I stole that plan from you

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)

its copyrighted, i'll see you in court

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:57, Reply)

You can't
I've got you on ignore©
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)

dash and blast!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:01, Reply)

OK mate, your plan.
Butt it's so good I shall use it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:54, Reply)

you can't, i copyrighted it

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:54, Reply)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEBbu-wkKrs

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:57, Reply)

yarr!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:57, Reply)

Avast there me hearties.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:58, Reply)

Come on son, tell me what happened.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Hey monts.
Pretty old news I thought. Dozer got me stepped, I'm not risking it happening again.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:55, Reply)

I've been on holiday. It's new news to me.
I'm not asking you to do this right away, but if you find yourself able to at some point, could I trouble you to suggest a couple of bikes for me, please? It would need to be a) large (obv) and b) in a condition that would survive two hours' use a day.

You can always tell me to fuck off, of course. For the second time today.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:58, Reply)

how talk are you Monts? about 6', right?
Assuming we're still looking for pov spec but reliable here?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:59, Reply)

He's more offtopic

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)

6'2"
You are 100% right in your assumption. I don't give a fuck what it looks like (within reason). I just don't want to die.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:04, Reply)

Bloody b3ta
had a long reply typed and lost it, short version:

see what you think of: www.gumtree.com/p/for-sale/retro-mens-town-bike-west-london-90/98466287
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:10, Reply)

thats the ugliest bike i've ever seen
and i've seen b4shpics of swipe
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:12, Reply)

I prefer to think of such bikes as 'theftproof'
saves money on locks.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:13, Reply)

haha, nobody wants to steal swipe

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:16, Reply)

actually there are no b4sh pics of me so ner
some poor sod got his camera out at the only one i went to, and was given VERY short shrift.

NO PAPARAZZI.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:22, Reply)

that is the gayest bike i've ever seen
apart from Al's bike: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7c/Pearl_the_Unicorn_Bike.jpg
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:13, Reply)

Thanks for helping me sell it.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:14, Reply)

Hahahhaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)

Looks like a bicycle.
That's what I'm after. It does look a teensy bit bent but five minutes with a spraycan should sort that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:19, Reply)

it's be simple and reliable
not the best breaks, but OK, not the lightest or the most gears, but very low maintainance and comfortable and easy to ride. Hill will be hard untill you get your muscles built up. I can give it a once over if you end up buying it
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)

Good call asking CQ for advice in this respect
I've got some masculinity tips if you'd like, and Chompy can offer excellent ways to pull girls, of their own free will and volition
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:11, Reply)

And I can help you lose weight, and grow an impressive beard.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:14, Reply)

Same old shit.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)

CQ had a bit of a breakdown tho
i don't think we should draw attention to taht, he needs support and we should stop making light of it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:56, Reply)

you heartless bastard!

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:57, Reply)

i'm the only one who is hear for you man

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:59, Reply)

At least somebody cares about my pain.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)

got your back, bruv
i was the only one here on your side
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:00, Reply)

I know, I was lurking.
I shall remember this when it's my turn to be a mod.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:03, Reply)

yippe!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:06, Reply)

I was nothing but complimentary and confused

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:14, Reply)

too late!
Qints is my only friend now.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:16, Reply)

OI

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)

+boy

(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:27, Reply)

I had a flatmate burst into my room at 2AM and punch me in the face.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:32, Reply)

"I don't blame him" etc...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

LOL

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Hahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

He punched you in the face during A2M?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

You're fucking obsessed today

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:42, Reply)

As will I be tomorrow.
And the next day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:44, Reply)

Hey Monty, while you was in Iceland, did they ask you for any financial tips?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:44, Reply)

lol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:45, Reply)

I saw a 'humorous' t shirt which read
'we may have no cash, but we do have ash'. How very, very funny, I thought.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:52, Reply)

you have so much in common!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)

It's like all the time I've been Icelandic but never knew!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:58, Reply)

you're far too loud to be icelandic

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)

ARF ARF

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:16, Reply)

Obvious response is obvious
www.b3ta.com/questions/filth/post676336
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:35, Reply)

There is a reason that I have refused to house share for a greater part of the last decade
my most recent six months experience of it was significantly less bad than when I was a student, but still bad enough to make me feel unceasing joy at having my own place again, even if it is a cupboard in a cellar.
(berk, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:36, Reply)

That invite to Hogwarts will brighten your day considerably

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:38, Reply)

He lived under the stairs
/pedant.
(berk, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:40, Reply)

Yes, in a cupboard under the stairs
If you wanted to get picky, he didn't live in a cellar

/superpedant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:43, Reply)

nevermind eh
AA lives in a shared workhouse and he still has to sleep in the dusty attic on some old curtains
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:39, Reply)

No I don't.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:45, Reply)

you don't even get the curtains?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)

No
*sobs*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:53, Reply)

I used to live with two girls
One was lovely, one was mental. And the lovely one was in worrying thrall to the mental one, and was also mental when she was around. After a few months of living in this bizarrely dependent relationship I ran for the (metaphorical) hills.

I later found out that as a result of the mental one's disapproval of every man the lovely one ever got with, the latter had become a gay; it appears the entire basis of the mental one's hysteria was based on penile penetration.

The moral of the story is, if you ever find yourself living with two mental girls, hang in there; one might go gay.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Is this a good thing?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:03, Reply)

I assume Darth was hoping for a twos up

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:09, Reply)

damn you badger
i was so pleased with my reply to your cheesecake thing, and then you disappeared.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:10, Reply)

sorry, power was turned off while the electrician connected the new kitchen circuits
it was quite good. well played.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:11, Reply)

i was quite impressed with myself

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)

The benefits of living with a lesbian can be traced according to the following flowchart
...which I cannot be bothered to write
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:10, Reply)

Were you hoping she'd be able to bring men back,
then, being uninterested, turn the lights off, and leave the room saying, e.g., "I'm just going to fetch a condom," leaving you to sneak back in 30 seconds later saying "I've found one," in a reedy, high-pitched voice, and allowing you to receive a good bumming from this unsuspecting chap who thought he was about to have a couple of hot, steamy minutes with your housemate?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)

i clicked

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:16, Reply)

That's how you remember it?
I heard it was far more romantic.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:19, Reply)

Foxtrot was powerless to resist as John's sapphire eyes burnt into his very soul
His strong arms enveloped him and within seconds he'd dropped his trollies and tipped his filthy cement
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:21, Reply)

badger is barbara cartland
AICMFP
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)

I thought that was your side career?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:24, Reply)

no, i just get paid as a look-a-like
takings plunged when the selfish old cow carked it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:33, Reply)

Funny, I always had him down as Barbara Streisand...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:24, Reply)

It's no good coming up with these ideas now genius
Where were you in early 2001?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:20, Reply)

At school.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Great
Now I feel sullied AND old
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)

For all the space geeks
www.theregister.co.uk/2012/03/16/lro_anniversary_video/
(PsychoChomp, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:12, Reply)

Looks like you're on your own.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:45, Reply)

forever

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)

I've no real complaints about my current housemates
Though, and I may have mentioned this before so apologies if I'm getting repetitive in my old age, but one of my housemates is a rather diminutive young fellow with a strong West Country accent. He had some friends come to visit who were of similarly small stature and thick accent. I wandered past his room one Saturday morning and caught sight of all three of them lying in his bed in their underpants. I thought some kind of Hobbit Orgy was about to kick off.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:12, Reply)

you need to speak to CHCB about that kind of thing.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:13, Reply)

POIDH

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)

One might question your own motives for demanding photographic evidence...
Aside from which, I fear if I'd come back with my camera, they might have dragged me into the room, perhaps hoping, being quite a bit taller, I'd take the role of "Gandalf" in their sordid sex games.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:19, Reply)

either i would have found it hilarious
OR i have a fetish for that kind of thing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:20, Reply)

YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:22, Reply)

I have been tempted to volunteer as an exam invigilator
Just so I can go in dressed in full beard, cloak and hat, and yell that at the top of my voice just after the guy says "you have ten minutes remaining."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)

I've seen a stamp with a wizards hat and that on it
for marking purposes.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:26, Reply)

Nice

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:27, Reply)

go on...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:16, Reply)

It didn't.
At least, I heard no cries of "OH, MR FRODO!" while I was making breakfast...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:19, Reply)

In other news I have just had an enormous shit.
I'm going to name it Naked Ape.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:15, Reply)

Well next time you have a tiny one you can call it battered

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:21, Reply)

Well played.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:23, Reply)

ta!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:28, Reply)

My housemates are all ace and we get along famously.
Couldn't think of anything worse than living with someone I don't like.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:30, Reply)

don't ever get married then

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:32, Reply)

I think the predilection for hookers will be a stumbling block

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:34, Reply)

Will you squat thrust in a comedic manner until death do you part?"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:36, Reply)

There's no-one at my place I dislike, but there's one guy I don't trust in the slightest.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:37, Reply)

Whatever you do don't give him your pin number

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Remove all mirrors from your house
Problem solved
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:39, Reply)

God not sure I could hack that.
Three of my housemates owe me between £100 and £250, they can pay me back whenever cos we trust each other round these parts.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 16 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)