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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning all.
Good weekend? Mine was daughter-free but pretty good nonetheless. What did you get up to?

I have
a) gone running twice
b) gone for a two-hour walk
c) made pulled pork in a slow cooker
d) made crab cakes
i) sat in London Fields lolling at all the people who thought it was summer
3) drank and smoked myself insensible by 8:30
z) taken your mum up the 'London Eye'

Alt: I have no plans at all for the week ahead. Do you? If so, what are they?

Alt alt: I see Jocky Wilson is no more. Who else is dead?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:14, 216 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
The thought of you pulling your pork has put me off life for ever
So, I guess I will be dead too very soon.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:22, Reply)
I'll gaz you some graphic pictures
so you can have some photographic images to go with your mental ones.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:23, Reply)
I'll get them printed A0 and stick them on the office wall.
With my last drops of jizz.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:25, Reply)
Splendid.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:38, Reply)
The oxo tower is my favorite london based euphanisum.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:26, Reply)
On Saturday I mostly pretended it was summer
by having a lovely long wander round Oxford in too few clothes and ridiculous shoes. I ached like a motherfucker yesterday, and I was in work from 9:30 til 5. Total waste of a Sunday, if you ask me. Still, paid overtime etc...

Has mentalex any legal or reasonable basis to deny you access? Surely you can threaten to take her crazy ass to court again if she's not honouring the existing agreement?
(berk, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:27, Reply)
None.
Last week her aunt was ill and it was mother's day, this week it was her birthday etc etc

If she persists I can take her back to court at my own expense (about three grand) and she will be ticked off, promise not to do it again and, after a few months, be free to start it all over again. I have almost no legal recourse and no funds to seek it anyway,
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:31, Reply)
I still think you should go on Jeremy Kyle, it might not fix your problem, but it would be really really funny.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:50, Reply)
And then Melinda Messanger and Dom the baldy mockney can come round and do his flat up.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:56, Reply)
I disagree.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:17, Reply)
but when he goes "oi, they call this the jeremy kyle show" you can come out with...
..."yeah, but not for long, they're gonna call it The Monty Boyce show. I BET YOU £5 ON THAT" (he had a gambling ha bit)
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Did he?
Oh dear Jez, not so smug now, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Naught but ephemera
Went to the football, which was bad, and that was about it.

Alt: phone interview in 2 hours, then nothing but Work/Eat/Sleep with too much of the first two and not enough of the third if history is any judge.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:27, Reply)
It was football. It was always going to be bad.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:44, Reply)
and you a 'gooner'!
Actually, that explains your attitude.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:45, Reply)
I'm a lifelong, dyed-in-the-wool 'gooner'.
I have tattoos and everything.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:47, Reply)

'gooner' AIDS ridden homosexual with a penis the size of an acorn.

Obvious strikethrough is obvious
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:52, Reply)
It's what we were all thinking

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Even the nervous twitch every time someone mentions the transfer window?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:56, Reply)

Sorted house out.
Collected wife & daughter from airport
Hung out with wife & daughter - farmers market, park, pub.

Alt alt: Your grandmother. Which is a shame as she fucked like a train.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:36, Reply)
For an extra tenner she'll take her teeth out.
Little tip for next time.

Another is that she's not actually dead. She just pretended to be so you'd leave.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Bit late now. Can't fuck a canister of ashes.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:38, Reply)
You aren't trying hard enough

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I made Mexican lasagne and drank Auchentoshan.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:36, Reply)
Good morning
Mine included a daughter and a son.
I have (following your format):
* Sat listening to records with fellow music geeks
ii) Gone walking twice (with the specific intention of exhausting children in preparation for the clocks changing)
3) Been for a cheeky afternoon pint twice.
- Made a vegetable biryani in a wok
e) Still not smoked :(
• Seduced your mum dressed as a woman.

Alt: Work. Drink. Sleep.

Altalt: Vince Lovegrove
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:42, Reply)
e) How odd: normally she dresses more like a man

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:43, Reply)
How does this affect my non-smoking?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:47, Reply)
I think your unusual bullet pointing has worked.
And confused the smartest man on the internet.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Monty?
He's not even the smartest man on the internet in the room he is in.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:02, Reply)

room Argos Warehouse
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:12, Reply)
You may scoff
but our HTC Desires are £5 cheaper than yours.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I don't care how cheap your desire for a Homo Trauma Centre is, I ain't interested

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Oops.
Umm, something about a smoking jacket?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Morning
I did very little this weekend. I did pack for next weekend, however, as mt plans are to fuck off on holiday.

A night in a posh hotel in Newcastle, a week in a Northumbrian cottage and two nights in a...well...Premier Inn, actually...in Durham at the other end.

AltAlt: Jerome Boere.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Wow he must really like you - the last one only got a couple of nights in a travelodge near Milton Keynes.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:06, Reply)
?

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)
oh!

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)
ew!

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:07, Reply)
If you are around for a lunchtime
pint coffee in Newcastle, gaz me
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Will do, sir.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:14, Reply)
*nods*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:15, Reply)
i had a really great weekend but i guess i'm just one of those lucky kinds of people
i won't rub it in all your faces by going on about it though, i'm not some kind of monster
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Band on Friday.
Not a lot, really, mostly pottered about getting stuff done, watched the match yesterday.

This week I have two interviews on the bounce, and I have the scintillating task of renewing the car insurance to look forward to.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:13, Reply)
Best of luck with the interviews.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:15, Reply)
This^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Ta.
One of them will be dead handy as it's only two miles down the road, if I get it, although I've got to go all the way to Sunderland for the interview.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:23, Reply)
You sorted train times?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Not yet, I'll have a look later.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:29, Reply)
it's that kind of atitude that's keeping you out of a job

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Interview's not until Wednesday, plenty of time.
It's on my list of things to do today.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:44, Reply)
thats it, leave everything to the last minute
that way you'll turn up to the itnerview with your tie all skew-whiff, toast stains on your shirt and odd socks

that'll be another 3 months of state benefits, then
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:46, Reply)
They're usually in time order anyway
Perhaps it's different in T'North.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)
i think maybe you should give up on the idea of ever working again, remove your testicles and become a fully fledged housemaid

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I think maybe you should suffer a horrific accident in the blades of your helicopter.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)
thats a little harsh, i know you need a job and all but wishing death on those of us who are gainfully employed
is not he best way to go about it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I never wished death on you.
A horrific accident yes, but not death.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)
but then we'd both be living on benefits :(((((

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Sorry Quents.
The accident I am imagining would would render you wheelchair bound and probably armless, and as we all know that it's physically impossible to flip burgers with a head dobber, it's a life on DLA for you.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)
that makes two of us then, except that this accident is fictional so i still have a great joba nd lots of money
and also i don't live in the north! :)))))))))))))))
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:58, Reply)
AltAlt: Annie, properly now.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:15, Reply)
*sings*
The skin'll fall off, tomorrow
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Morning all
I have:

a) Run 8k on Friday
b) Walked 8k on Sunday with dog
c) Broke dog's lead
d) Made some excellent roast lamb with sweet potato
f) Had my car polished and all scratches/scuffs removed
e) SLEPT!

Alt:
I have an exam booked for Wednesday which I must pass to allow our company to continue selling something. Apart from that, nowt

Alt Alt:
Elvis. Living Colour told me
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:15, Reply)

lead sphincter
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:15, Reply)
I did that weeks ago, the sexy bastard
/Jeff
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:16, Reply)
So, you know Starbucks have taken to asking your name when you buy coffee?
It turns out the Polish girl in the Uxbridge branch knows who Enoch Powell is. So that went well.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:31, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
try Adolf next time
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:33, Reply)
"Yes, my name is Herman -H E R M A N
"Goering.



What?"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)
They didn't ask my name wehen i went in on saturday

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:36, Reply)
No, it's the first time they've done it to me.
I can't see it lasting, to be honest. It might work in the States where they get all wanky over customer service and being friends with them and all that shit, but over here we like a nice, surly glower in our service staff.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Service should be efficient, quiet and unobtrusive

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:39, Reply)
You sound like Noel.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Yeah? Well YOU sound like Easter

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:41, Reply)
LOL

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Isn't it just so they can call your name
if they're making several drinks at the same time
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)
I will never go in Starbucks so this is purely academic to me*.
Good try with Mr Powell though. Next time: Derek Beacon.

*I can't afford to pay nearly three quid for a non-alcoholic drink
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:38, Reply)
+k

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Friend of mine is called 'Glennis'. She'll say it once to them and then refuses to repeat it. She has Flickr album of all the cups she has got. 'Lenny', 'Denny', 'Dennis' and then the ones that aren't even names, my favourite of which is 'Gebbis'
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)
I'm still hungover from Saturday, errrrgh
In other news, I call tit Monday
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Well, it's Monday, and you're a massive tit,
so it's going well so far.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:39, Reply)
That would explain why your mum couldn't keep her hands off me

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:40, Reply)
*nods*
It calls for a wander round town at lunchtime for sure
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:43, Reply)
I am hungover, and they're testing the fire alarms. This is clearly unfair, and as a result, I shall delete my account, and kill myself.
I drank a lot, went out, pulled, chilled at home, and that's about it.

What a thoroughly enjoyable life I lead.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)

I drank a lot, went out, pulled masterbated in a bush, chilled at home, and that's about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I have never masterbated in a bush
I have, however, masturbated in a bush, you fucking dolt.

Morning ape, how was the wedding?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)
good, huge booze, fantastic Indian food, 6 starters an 6 maincourses
Got to bed about 4, absoloutely knackered today, i can't take the pace anymore
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Ahh, good good.
I've got my cousins wedding in a month, he's Scottish, she's Spanish. The reception should be...interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Tiny tapas will solve both problems

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:17, Reply)

tiny enormous, greasy
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Seriously.
You can't spell 'masturbated'? You? The biggest wanker on the internet?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Pulled? Pfft. I bet you couldn't even pull a muscle.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)
Just because you're married and your wife hates you, doesn't mean the rest of us can't have fun.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)
haha, i bet you pulled a housewhale, and even she didn't want to know you after

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Nope, she's slim, and quite attractive.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)
This week, I'm going to try to find a lost cat
try to do some plumbing, going for a drink on wednesday, going for a meal on thursday, leaving party Friday, birthday party on Sat BBQ on Sunday weather dependant.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Oh man, I totally forgot I'm going to be making a batch of home brew!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:51, Reply)
I am interested to find out it it's drinkable.
I am trusting you not to lie and claim it's great if it's not, here.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Nah,
I looked into it this weekend, looks pretty easy, although bottling looks like a pain.
I'm planning to do everything the "wrong way" because I want it to taste like generic premium lager from pubs which according to home brewers is "PISS WATER FOR IDIOTS"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:58, Reply)
My friend has been doing this recently
He spent over three hours bottling the other night.
I am doing my bit by drinking lots and saving my bottles for him.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:02, Reply)
The other option is to put it in a pressure keg
but my fridge really isn't big enough for it, and I'd have to get another beer fridge.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Does it need to go in a fridge?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:12, Reply)
The CO2 absorbs into the beer better if it's cold.
so not technically, but I prefer cold beer.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Good call.
A tip from my brother's brewing days is NOT to double the sugar in the hope of creating Special Brew. The lids explode and you get in terrible trouble with your parents over the mess.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Ok, I'll put that on the list.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)
You are Craig David AICMFP

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I think any hope of "making love" has been scuppered by some SELFISH BITCH
cracking two ribs.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)
YOU'VE TOLD HER TWICE ALREADY!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Piss

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Fucking hell. A woman would rather self inflict the pain of broken bones on herself than shag you.
That's bad news Chompy. Very bad news.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:56, Reply)
You told her twice?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Just cos battered can't reach high enough to punch women in the face you don't need to rub it in

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 9:58, Reply)
My wife does as she's told without the need to resort to physical violence.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Emotional torture is so much more effective

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Indeed. Though I prefer to refer to it as 'though correction'

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:08, Reply)
My new plan for this week involves playing with my new toy:

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Crikey that's big!

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)
I can't see this picture therefore I'm imagining that it's a massive dildo
dirty boy
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)
it appears that i ma correct

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:12, Reply)
I'll "correct" your ma with this massive dildo, alright.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:13, Reply)
JESUS CHRIST THAT'S BIG.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Good Lord! What is that?
Is it a harmonium-type thingy that you pump with one hand? (obvious joke is obvious)
In other news I had a bostin' weekend with lots of food, booze and guitar playing!
This week I are mostly trying to get car companies to buy my wares and cleaning my house.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:21, Reply)
You forgot...
Buying booze for your bumchum Poofers at lunchtime.

Boss on Holiday: Check
Director on a Conference: Check
Pooflake fucking off at about noon and spending the entire afternoon in the pub: checkaroo!

Altalt: Wasn't there a thing on Top of the Pops when Dexy's Midnight Runners sang mimed 'Jackie Wilson Said', and the set designers fucked up and put loads of pictures of Jockey Wilson up behind the band?
(I helped save b3ta! Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:48, Reply)
The lunchtime thing may be on!
It looks like I'll be sorted by 1 ish so an hour and a half lunchbreak could be in order!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Sweeeeeeeeet!...

I'll ease myself into my drinking trousers.
(I helped save b3ta! Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:01, Reply)
It needs more Professor Yaffle and mice.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:50, Reply)
I met some b3tans on the Saturday
went home and had a nice relaxing day on the Sunday. The weather was beautiful.

Alt: None at all. Probably going back to Ireland at some point.

Alt alt: I don't even know what a Jocky Wilson is/was.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Fat darts player

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Who sang Reet Petite

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)
A Jocky Wilson is a massive dildo. (see above).
It's from the same people who made the Steely Dan.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Ooh ahh ooh aah ooh wee

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:21, Reply)
The people living below us have grassed us up to our letting agent.
For playing music at unsociable hours. That's fair enough it was five in the morning, but it's happened once in seven months and I turned it down as soon as they knocked on our door. I wonder what goes through some peoples heads sometimes.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:34, Reply)
What probably went through their head was "what a selfish cunt. It's 5am and I'm trying to sleep, I have to get up and go to work in a couple of hours".

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Well firstly they're students, secondly it was Friday night.
And I happily admit I was in the wrong, if it was a persistent problem I'd hold my hands up. Just it's happened once, won't happen again and I thought that was the end of it. Not to mention in retaliation they covered our front door with ketchup (the bloody nutters!).
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:39, Reply)
Okay, that's a little extreme a reaction.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:40, Reply)
However I object to the fact that "They're students" is making it less of an annoyance.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:41, Reply)
Or the fact that it was Friday night, really.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:44, Reply)
i wouldn't take allt his abuse if i were you barry
i would decalre ALL OUT WAR on all of them
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:50, Reply)
you said it was saturday morning, you stupid or what?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:40, Reply)
that's what I would have thought, if I'd been them.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:40, Reply)
It's ok - it was around 1pm for you

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Yeah that's true.
However, I freely admit that I cracked it multiple times when I got woken up at unsociable hours last year when I had 8 am lectures.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Cracked what?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)
One off

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:03, Reply)
ALL OUT WAR, IT IS

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I would have done exactly the same.
Although i wouldn't have waited til 5AM to knock on your door in the first place.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:40, Reply)
I'd have declared ALL OUT WAR and challenged them all to single unarmed combat to the DEATH

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:42, Reply)
I'd just have removed the fuse from the fusebox

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:43, Reply)
well i would accuse you of under-reacting to their overreaction to me keeping them up all night
nad then i would declarte ALL OUT WAR on you as well
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:47, Reply)
Careful now, I'm the special ops of the annoyed neighbour world

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:49, Reply)
i will take you all on, i am the spartacus of suburban vioence

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Passive aggression; best of all the aggressions.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:49, Reply)
It's stooodents innit, they can barely work out how to leave the flat let alone find a fusebox whatever that might be

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:51, Reply)
i would play ALL THE MUSIC at ALL THE VOLLUMNS at ALL THE TIMES.
Until they learn their lesson, like being on a club street on a Greek island.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:19, Reply)
The music was only on for about twenty minutes.
I didn't get in til about 4.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:57, Reply)
20 minutes at that time of the morning is still unreasonable and makes you a cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:58, Reply)
I don't disagree.
I just thought it was all settled, it happened once and won't happen again and I thought that was that. They've also complained that we've dumped a load of cigarette butts in their front garden (we haven't), which is hilarious seeing as their front garden is a tip filled with binbags of rubbish and broken furniture which we've asked them to clear up more than once.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:03, Reply)
youve admitted you were in the wrong, you thought it was done and dusted, should be over really.
They're the ones doing oneupmanship.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:22, Reply)
I'm going to go round later and give them my number and tell them to text or call if it's ever too loud again.
And I'll tell them that they don't need to be so childish about this sort of thing in future.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:25, Reply)
GUTTED.
Juice Crew Allstars show has been CANCELLED without explanation. :(((((((((
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Maybe they've split up?
or perhaps one of them has had a family tragedy.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Or maybe they're sick.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:55, Reply)
or maybe they heard you were going to be there.
Hi, by the way, real Monty.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:55, Reply)
I suspect that the real reason is that very few people cared about the show.
Hi, real Poppet.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:57, Reply)
I didn't think there was anybody impersonating me here...
have I missed something?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:58, Reply)
There isn't, that I know of.
Yet.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:04, Reply)
I certainly didn't.
If I'm not there, it's not a real party. That'll be why they cancelled.

Happy to help.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 10:58, Reply)
That'll be it,
cheers Kroners.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:00, Reply)
My friend bought tickets,
lol gutted.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:01, Reply)
The pal who bought mine got an email this morning simply saying he'd been refunded.
No explanation.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:04, Reply)
that's a shame.
I'm really hoping that doesn't happen with Axis of Awesome.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Whoever they are, they need a new name quick-smart.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:08, Reply)
Nah man, they really are awesome.
they're a comedy band - they write funny songs.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:10, Reply)
If their name is any indication then
they are a "comedy" band - they write "funny" songs.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:16, Reply)
i didn't think it was summer and sat in the pub beer garden LOLing at people who thought it was
which is why i am now burned to buggery today.

still, nice weekend seeing lots of friends, buying a bridesmaids dress (although this did involve horrific amounts of measuring), bathing the budgie etc etc.

it's SO SUNNY today. why are we all stuck inside?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)
bathing the budgie. eh.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:11, Reply)
I suspect it is the follow up single to Feed The Pony

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:13, Reply)
you're both wrong
the poor budgie was all hot, so i gave it a cool shower, and it was very happy.

also they look funny when their feathers are all wet.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
well you can't blame her for being lonely
fl2.shopmania.org/files/p/us/m/487/devine-divas-bird-vibrator-lavender~9018487.jpg
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:14, Reply)
People who get sunburnt in this country are nailed on woofters.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Quite soon I'll be outside so nyer!
Drinking sweet, sweet beer with Pooflake. Until then I'm up to my neck in technical quotations and awaiting an ajudication from the tax authorities (which, BTW, was 'unequivocally promised' for february 22nd).
My life is just rock 'n' roll.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:16, Reply)
It wasn't that warm, how did you manage to get burned?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Toasty tits

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I once dated a girl with eczema...
Nice tits, cracking nipples.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)
How anyone can ever get burned in this country is completely beyond me.
And how anyone would ever need to put on sun cream in this country is also beyond me.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)
You are an odd chap, you really are.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)
It's never that hot here though.
The Spaniard in me means I don't get sunburned on these shores.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:28, Reply)
Does he cast a shadow over you while he is in?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)
you do realise the burning comes from light rather than heat, don't you barry?
and also that 30 degrees is quite warm, even compared to declaring ALL OUT THERMONUCLEAR WAR on your neighbours
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)
You talk like it's 30 degrees every day of the summer.
I couldn't give a monkeys really, I just pity anyone pasty, pale and ginger enough to be able to get burned in the UK.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
i said a couple of comments down taht it's only the odd day, so we're more likely to be caught off guard
i wouldn't expect a spaniard to be able to understand
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Getting burned in 30 degrees is still for queers.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)
yes, keep an eye out for melanoma though, won't you?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)
Why does my toast always come out black then?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
toast is not made from our skin and is exposed to higher temperatures

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)
Thank for clearintg this up for me
You should have your own science program on BBC 1 at 7:30 pm on tuesdays
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)
I'd prefer to be on later so taht only the serious adults watch
you ever seen a sunbed before? they're not hot are they?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:36, Reply)
I am aware of this, i'm not Barry
however I don't think I've ever actually seen a sunebd in real life
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:37, Reply)
i think i did when i was a kid, but mostly now i just walk by salons and tut

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Oh you totally should see them in the wild if you ever get the chance.
Those you see in tanning salons have been bred in captivity, that's why they're all white. In the wild they have all manner of different markings and colourings. You can go on boat tours and watch them frolicking in the shallows, chasing each other underwater and breaching into the sunlight they love so much.

They're such wondrous creatures, the wild sunbed.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)
dude needs to get laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)
I've been badly burned at festivals before

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)
yes because during UK summers the temperature only gets up to just under 30 degrees
and usually those are the odd one-off days where poeple are caught off guard and may spend more time in the sun than they realise

you really are stupid, barry, and its quite obvious you don't get out enough
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)
I'd like to support Barry during this difficult period of being ganged up on and called stupid

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:29, Reply)
Ha ha ha

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)
because of my stupid irish heritage
i could burn in siberia at midnight.

yet somehow i always assume "you can't burn in england". urgh.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:51, Reply)
I spent the weekend hiding from the sun as much as possible. I shall be doing the same this week.
Nasssty ssun, it burnssss usss.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Alright Wookie

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)
Are you a ranga?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:29, Reply)
I am not
although I am developing a liking for the female redhead. I'm worried about what this might mean.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Are you an albino?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)
I am not.
I have around the average amount of melanin you'd expect to find in a man of my size, weight and colouring. My colouring is light brown hair and eyes the colour of the mid-summer sky, in case you were wondering. A blue as sparkling and deep as the sea off the Corfu coast. Sometimes, you can see schools of fish flit across them as you gaze deep into the shimmering, azure depths.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)
oh Kroney, I'm gonna start a justgiving account to pay for getting you laid

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)
So why do you burn? I'm confused

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)
Because of the sun.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)
ok then...
good chat
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:46, Reply)
+spending too much time in

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:47, Reply)
Some cunt has started a new thread

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Mar 2012, 11:54, Reply)

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