New thread, that one's shit.
So, we have a British winner of the Tour de France for the first time ever. Who else is pleased about this?

The government is once again saying they are going to clamp down on tax avoidance by naming and shaming. What other perfectly legal things do you think the government should stick their oar into and irrationally start instigating a program of national humiliation for the transgressors?

My vote is for people who are a bit loud in pubs when you're trying to enjoy some food. They're not doing anything wrong, but I would like them publicly named and shamed.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 9:53, 191 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

people who have sex with robots

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)

What exactly is it about them that annoys you?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 9:58, Reply)

there always up in my face with it
i mean i get that they have a parade, i've got nothing against them, its just not natural
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)

The robots never feel as good as a real person, and he's frustrated that only robots will let him near.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)

ouch, harsh
technically in this instance, vibrators could be counted as robots
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)

Are you ForeverAlone in disguise?
I have a feeling you are..
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:08, Reply)

who?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Yup, you are.
My condolences.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)

i'm not and i've never even heard of that one before
give me some background
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:13, Reply)

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Forever+Alone

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)

it's a meme about being alone forever?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Cyclists who ride like wankers should gbe publically flogged

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 9:58, Reply)

This^
My particular fave is them jumping the lights then getting all arsey at you for daring to drive past them
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)

so all of them then?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)

exactly
lycra clad fag pricks
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)

who ride like wankers
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Turd de France, more like!!!!!!!
I think the government should name and shame black people and homosexuals. They should commission maps like those Victorian poverty maps with the areas graded and colour-coded to illustrate the risks involved in visiting them. Pink for woofters, black for darkies.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)

What about Andi Peters?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)

Prown

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:07, Reply)

If you weren't stepped, I'd be able to respond to that.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)

what a world

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)

But if he weren't stepped, you wouldn't be able to ignore him quite so efficiently.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)

pretty sure you could, unless you were disabled or something

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)

It's offtopic, everyone here is fucking disabled in someway.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)

whoa! somebody's got outta the wrong side of bed this morning!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)

It's all upside down there. Everything's the wrong side.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)

I was in the Leeds Vivienne Westwood shop on Saturday and it made me think of you.
You're 50, have a Bishop for a father, love hip hop and right-thinking people mock you.

You are the Tim Westwood of Off Topic.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:08, Reply)

hahahaha!
YOU NEED THIS IN YOUR LIFE!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)

He produced one of the best records of all time
so I shall take that as the compliment it wasn't meant to be.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:18, Reply)

What record was that?

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Money Mad by London Posse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Just listened to some of it
Won't be doing THAT again!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I think it's ripe for a Twang Club makeover.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Probably not
don't know why but the whole HipHop thing just passed my by, haven't found any of the stuff I've heard to be likeable. I respect the rights of those that do like it to listen and enjoy but it leaves me cold.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)

London Posse, rite?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Correct.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:36, Reply)

No matter how much of a parody of himself westwood is
I can't mock him, he has done more for UK HipHop than any other person.
( Peej, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:35, Reply)

This is the correct stance.
He practically bankrolled the whole scene single-handedly at one point.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:37, Reply)

I know all this too yo.
I was just teasing Monty because he's really old and he dyes his hair.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I just read into that.
THey're not going to name and shame, I don't know why the papers are all saying that. They're saying that people who are selling tax avoidance schemes in the UK will have to show HRMC their customer lists and then HRMC will send them a letter about it saying. "we think this scheme is dodgy and if we get it closed down you'll owe us x amount of money"
That's about it, they're not putting peoples faces on billboards.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)

It's fucking ridiculous that they are even saying that
If they don't like the fact that these schemes exist, as the government it's in their power to change the fucking law to stop them.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:09, Reply)

I think this idea isn't actually a bad one, but it's being reported (probably the treasuries fault tbh) very badly.
The problem is that it takes ages to shut it down through the courts. And I don't see the problem with HRMC warning people that if they continue to use a scheme as and when they get a court ruling then they could be in for a massive bill.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Surely it's just a waste of resources telling people that if they are doing something that turns out to be illegal, that they will be fined?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Not if it gets people to jump out of that scheme when the letter gets sent.
Rather than 18months+ when it goes through the courts.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Did people stop illegal downloads when they got a letter from the ISP saying that they were being checked?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:23, Reply)

The three strikes thing seems to have been working in france.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:26, Reply)

Is this a genuine response or a joke about people in france going on strike a lot?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:30, Reply)

People who are unable or unwilling to raise well-behaved children.
They are absolute cunts, the fucking lot of 'em.
Look at me, getting all OUTRAGED on the INTERNET about a subject I will never have first-hand knowledge of.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:09, Reply)

It's called saying NO.
And then following through.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Do you have to shit on someone if you don't want to have their kids?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Oh man, it took me a minute to get that.
But yes. Shit on them. Literally and metaphorically.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)

i don't understand why shitting yourself would help

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Too slwo Quents
already made that joke
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)

i done it better

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:16, Reply)

try it
and then report back to us. we'd all enjoy that report.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)

i would but i'm banned :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:16, Reply)

oh, why are you banned?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:18, Reply)

cos of the gazzes i sent to chompy and monty's girlfriends

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)

but blind girls can't read anyway
i fail to see why this is a problem
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Oooooo,sick burn there Swipey, you've got your cat claws out today.
Has he still not paid you?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)

i had them manicured all short and painted glossy red at the weekend, al
they're not sharp claws
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)

I think I'm getting claws.
My fingernails are all strong and long and neat.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:44, Reply)

there is a condition where people get clubby fingernails
makes them sort of diamond shaped (not tiffany cut ones either).

gross
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:31, Reply)

i admit i went to far last week
but this business of swipe giving chomp tickets, expecting to go to an event with him, but then her not being able to go and him going and then not reimbursing her for the tickets does make him seem awfully cheap.

i hate to side with swipey here, and i just know chomp's gonna have a word with cr3 and have me even more banned, but this does make him seem awfully poor and cheap
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Last weekend I saw a woman trying to tell her young daughter not to do something fucking annoying.
Except she didn't tell her, she ASKED her. And the kid ignored her. So then she moaned like buggery at her husband about how the kid wouldn't do anything she was told.

I had to restrain myself from shouting 'perhaps if you told her rather than asking her. She's three years old, you stupid, vapid bitch. You're the fucking parent.'

But obviously I'm British, so I just rolled my eyes and walked off.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:16, Reply)

I ask my daughter rather than tell her.
Luckily she is a nice child and that almost always suffices. Practically every sentence she hears me say contains a please and/or thank you.

You can ask a child politely to do or not do something whilst still making it clear that it is really a command.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)

This^
Politeness costs nothing (fortunately for you)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Agreed
My kids are only told to do something if they are about to hurt themselves. Though most of my asking comes with a threat, i.e. She-Ra pick up your toys please or I will have put them in the bin.
( Peej, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)

How many kids do you have?

( Peej, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:36, Reply)

i think they should create fast track lanes on busy pedestrian routes
so that the dozy cunts who bimble along at 1mph and then just STOP for NO REASON can do so without getting in the way of normal people. if that doesn't stop them, then they can be named and shamed.

also, what is it with stairs? i am not that unfit, in that i run for an hour and do 30 mins on the cross-trainer 3-4 times a week, and i often walk the 6-7 miles home as well. but this morning i decided to walk up the 6 storeys to the staff restaurant, the thinking being that it might make me buy less diet coke if i have to sweat to get there. it was a billion times harder to walk up 12 flights of stairs than it is to run for an hour. wtf is that all about? name and shame the stairs. arse-aching cunts.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)

See also:
People who park shopping trolleys diagonally across the aisles. I love smashing straight through their trolleys (wahey!) and getting "the look"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)

or people who stand right in front of things like the houmous with their trolleys
and then stand there for HOURS debating the difference between lemon & coriander and thai sweet chilli. they are 2 for £2 and they keep for days, just get both you pikey inept fuckers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)

That's a shitload cheaper than what they are here though.
They're 4-5 bucks each here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:21, Reply)

it's true though
they get right up in your face blocking everything!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:26, Reply)

could someone gaz me please? just to see what happens
i've been banned from gazzing and i want to know how it works
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I just gazzed you.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)

"Sorry, your gaz rights have been suspended temporarily."
:(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:13, Reply)

"gaz rights"?
is this part of your human rights? are your human rights being breached, quentin?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)

could everybody gaz me please?
i want like hundreds of gazzes i can't even read, it'll bug me having the red message bit at the top and no way of reading them
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)

yes

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)

I gazzed you calling you a shitcunt
I hope this helps
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I don't need to Gaz someone to call them a shitcunt.
You're a massive shitcunt.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)

To actually answer your question. Arms dealers.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:17, Reply)

What's wrong with Arms Dealers?
Would you say they are better or worse people than someone that gazzes your girlfriend?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)

They make the world a worse place
As do you.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

\o/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:31, Reply)

Anyone who actually says the word 'YOLO'
I didn't think anyone was that stupid until last night.

EDIT: It means 'You Only Live Once', currently being used as justification for being a twat.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)

What does it mean?
Never heard it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:21, Reply)

You obviously like owls

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)

i thought it was 'love'?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)

How is it obvious?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:27, Reply)

it's an acronym

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Hi Swipey, how's Monday?
There is no one in the office today and I think I'll work from home tomorrow as the toprch relay is basically blcoking all routes to work
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

i am annoyed with the olympics now
they have blocked off the pedestrian crossings between my road and the tube, so i have an extra 15 mins or so added to a 3 min walk. this is for the olympic lane. which doesn't even start being an olympic lane until 25 july. cunts. and the tubes are full of pricks.

raaaah! other than that all good though. how is ape?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Not bad, managed a day off the booze yesterday for the firts time in 10 days
so feeling spritely today.

Also spent the weeknd being fed and boozed by some lovely friends with a big garden and to relax in enjoying the sunshine.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:41, Reply)

i read that as 10 years then, and i was a bit worried
10 days is ok
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:56, Reply)

I wouldn't have had you as a QC reader.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:35, Reply)

Good old Foggsy RIP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:35, Reply)

He only reads "Stylish Masturbator"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:37, Reply)

what does "tmp" mean?
my friend keeps posting stuff like "yummy crumpets" or "chocolate fudge cake" and then "tmp tmp tmp". but when i googled it, it said "tactical machine power" or something? that cannot be right!

does she mean "trump trump trump" because she is overeating?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:27, Reply)

"touch my pussy"
it's an expression suggesting that whatever she is doing is as good as masterbation
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Is she called Nellie?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:29, Reply)

'titanic mechanical penis'

Hope this helps x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I liked this so much, I kept it.
I imagine it as mostly a gigantic steam piston, with a hemispherical pounding bevel and cast iron support struts.

Or "CQ's cock" as the engineers call it.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

You are welcome to it, tmp.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Ta tmp.

( Kroney, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)

No probz bbz tmp x

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:56, Reply)

'terrifying mental picture'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:33, Reply)

'turd-munching prick'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:34, Reply)

'tedious mongoloid person'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:34, Reply)

'tenderised mong penis'

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Titanic mammary pleasure

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:41, Reply)

these are all good
but i don't think they are right. carry on regardless.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:43, Reply)

The rejected lyrics from the Beautiful Southzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Tenticular Masturbation Pleasure

( b3tz, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Too Much Pleasure/Pudding/Protein ?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Is it possible that her keyboard is upside down
and she's typing nom nom nom?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Well I think this is funny, no one will agree
www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jul/22/stewart-lee-olympic-games-twitter

The comments are the best.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:34, Reply)

he comes across as a complete wanker in the first paragraph
'oh i've won so many awards, oh i have 900,000 followers', shit off fuckcunt
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:38, Reply)

It's a joke obviously.
he doesn't even have a twitter
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)

seems very boring

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)

the joke




























































your head
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Your head




A camel's anus.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I think you'll find it's more like


A Cam"NakedApes Head"els anus
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:53, Reply)

that was pretty much Pooflake's strop on QOTW
Autisms have voted for my stories! I have WON qotw on several occasions! These are real achievements!

One of his stories was about him shitting himself
at work, in a meeting. Now, far be it from me to call bullshit on a qotw entry, if I had shat my kecks in work, all over a chair, I'd be mortified. Certainly wouldn't post it on the internet.

This is how you win at life. Poo on a chair, tell strangers about it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

You really ought to stop banging on about how much better you are than people on QOTW
It's a more than a bit sad, and could also be seen as hugely hypocritical.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:49, Reply)

What if he actually is better than everyone else?
It's a long shot, admittedly, but possible...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Well, then he should carry on.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

I enjoyed it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I also enjoyed it

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Great comment here
"Bit off-topic, but I like spicy food and I've never had it burn my ringpiece on the way out. Never experienced that, not even the time I had a phal. I always thought the craic about refrigerating your bog roll and so on was just hyperbole."
(PsychoChomp, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:43, Reply)

I love spicy food, but even a mild dish sends my anus into spasms of agony.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Maybe if you shoved a condom up your arse the poo would fill it inside you
then you could pull it out in a single manoeuver and have your ringpiece protected from the heat by the prophylactic .
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:48, Reply)

I'm totally gonna try this next week.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)

oh man, that is just rank.
Are you speaking from experience Ape? Do I really want to know if you are?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Oh come on, you're a scientist
how would this even be possible?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I dunno, It's the internet.
If you can think about it, it exists somewhere on the internet.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

That just sounds like the world's worst excuse
for when someone finds a condom in your anus.
"Honestly Doctor I was just trying to catch a shit".
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

and the hamster was giving me a hand

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

ttdr

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Too tedious, didn't read?

( Kroney, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Yup.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Ecstatic, bloody ecstatic!
Watching the Yellow Jersey lead out Cavendish on the Champs-Élysées was just beautiful.

Alt: People shouldn't be allowed to use umbrellas without an appropriate licence. See also: people with wheely luggage.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Not a cycling fan at all but it was good to watch yesterday

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

CaC

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:58, Reply)

?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 10:59, Reply)

cats are cunts
cats cyclists
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:00, Reply)

ORLY? Why's that then?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Nakers once got teased by a bigger boy on a bike
and rather than blame his own crippling inadequacies, he instead focused his feelings of shame and resentment on the bike.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

jumping red lights, pulling out in front of cars, cycling on the pavement, clipping wing mirrors
being self righteous pricks, Al, nast lycra clothing, being in the way etc etc etc
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:03, Reply)

AHAHAHAHAHAHA "being self righteous pricks" Oh the ironylolZors are strong in this one.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:04, Reply)

look at me I'm saving the world by cycling, you must all get out of my way pathetic pedestrians
I AM MOST IMPORTANT
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

But you can't ride a bike? Or is that just what you wish you could say?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:06, Reply)

I can't really ride a bike...
I know this opens me up to ridicule, but I would like to clarify that I USED to be able to until I tore several muscles in my back. And now the position of bike riding is pretty much agony.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

Do you have trouble with Doggystyle too?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Great album.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Tru fax

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Waeving all over the road
Groups of the cunts cycling three or four abreast etc.

I understand that having my snarling beast of a car behind you is a terrifying experience but just stay in a straight line and I will find a way around you. Weave around or cycle in a gang and it's just easier for me to run you all into a ditch.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:08, Reply)

More satisfying too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:10, Reply)

I never understand why everyone gets all upset when a cyclist gets squashed by a lorry
If they kept their distance and didn't try and sneak down the inside they'd be fine. They kill themselves cyclists
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Lorries are well known for being highly manouevrable
They can just skip out of the way like a mountain goat, you know.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

This is why I give points to cyclists.
15 points if they're wobbling all over the place, 10 points if they're being pricks, 2 points if they're over on one side and polite, 1 point if they're part of a big group!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I like it when ther'es a big group
and you can plough right through the middle. I got a strike, once!
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

With respect, you're talking utter shit.
I know very few cyclist who jump red lights as most of us don't want to get squished. On my commute to work the vast majority of cyclists follow the rules of the road. Labelling all cyclicts self righteous pricks is rubbish too - how is that? Have you interviewed every cyclist ever? There are certainly a percentage of cyclists who are pricks, there must be - but there are an awful lot of car drivers who are pricks too - pricks who seem to think they own the road, who seem to think that if they knock cyclists over it somehow won't hurt. The roads are a public space, and no-one should have to feel afraid of using it because drivers like you seem to asusme that all cyclists are somehow sub-human.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:12, Reply)

I never mentioned drivers
and of course it's not every cyclist, but to say cyclists don't jump reds is ridiculous and you know it, I see many every single day
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

I see many car drivers jumping red lights
Lets say all car drivers are self righteous pricks
( Peej, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I didn't say it doesn't happen.
In my experience of it, most cyclists obey traffic lights and are embarrassed by those that don't - it gives us all a bad name.

Fair point, you didn't mention drivers - but that does appear to be where most anger towards cyclists comes from, as if we're unfairly encroaching on 'their' domain.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

I like to step out in front of cyclists barrelling towards pedestrian crossings when the right is red
just to make them screech to a halt, they inevitably get very angry
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:17, Reply)

yup.
Number one pet hate at the moment - car drivers who won't wait and overtake cyclists on blind bends, thus meeting me head on coming the other way. Nearly every fucking day.
The proportion of selfish cunts is growing, especially on the roads.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

BUT YOU ARE SO SLOW
mybe if you cycled quicker then you wouldn't be in the way
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

This is absolutely true.
I don't have a problem with anyone if they obey the rules of the road, but so many people don't. Cyclists and car drivers both.
( Kroney, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:21, Reply)

I ride 110 miles a week
My commute has no red lights, I never pull out on car for fear of dying, I never cycle on the pavement, I have never clipped a wing mirror. I never weave all over the road. I do it because I don't drive and need to get to and from work, I don't believe I am saving the world.

I am a self righteous prick though but then so are you.
( Peej, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:13, Reply)

You should get a car, you'll get there quicker

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Nope
35 minutes on the bike, 40 minute drive. There's always long tail backs on one particular road.
( Peej, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

probably cyclists getting in the way

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:18, Reply)

But where's your wheely bin?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:11, Reply)

OH YOU DIRTY POST DELETER!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:12, Reply)

I made a brilliant joke about his bin having great seats to see Squeeze at the Phil
and you removed it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I removed it before you posted it, soz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Bitch

(Bazongaloid, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:17, Reply)

Slag.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

dunno

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:12, Reply)

The correct answer is
'OK, OK, I wheely been having wank'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:14, Reply)

i'm gonna kill tricky
everybody watch out for me on the news
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:19, Reply)

did he slip you a digit at the urinals again?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:20, Reply)

nope, since his wedding he's been in for 1 day
he should have been in for 4, the new owners are here chasing him constantly and he's making us all look like pricks
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:22, Reply)

maybe he has gone to spend his dividend

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

he doesn't get one, he's just a prick

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:26, Reply)

Surely you should take some responsibility for that, yourself?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:27, Reply)

i didn't hire him, i'm not the one who has carried him and stood up for him through the numerous times he's let us all down
that would be joe, joe needs a kick in the head
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 23 Jul 2012, 11:34, Reply)