Morning, benders.
Good weekend? Mine was SUPERB. Saw my first ever 'three dee' film yesterday and was surprised to find I enjoyed it immensely.

Do tell about yours, if there is anything to report.

What's on for you this week? I'm going to attempt a week on the wagon. Realistic prospects of this: nil.

PS I had a go on Chompy's fabled homebrew on Saturday and it was really fucking good.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:49, 131 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

yeah it was alright.
I'm off to go have dinner and do pilates afterwards. I shall see you losers later.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:53, Reply)

First day back after a week off
I'm running late and I fully expect work to have done something to annoy me when I get in.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Hahahaha lolololol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:58, Reply)

I'm not a bender.
Can I still reply here?

I read a great article on the furore around The Satanic Verses. Fascinating. Peter Sissons received death threats at the time. I really like The Satanic Verses, I thought that as it explored the immigrant experience it would be something that Muslims would identify with. Unfortunately not.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:55, Reply)

It's almost like they're rabid fanatics who are actively seeking things to get offended about
in order to out-Muslim each other, or something. I fucking detest them and their spasticated beards and oppressing of women etc. They are total cunts and given the chance I'd fucking drown the lot of 'em.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:57, Reply)

the satanic verses is actually really funny

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:58, Reply)

At the peak of his fatwa my pal Yeti saw him in a jazz club in Stoke Newington.
He's not known for the accuracy of his anecdotes, mind.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)

He'd fit right in here then

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)

He really would - apart from after about ten posts all of them would be 'pearoasts'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Mine was excellent
Friday; beers with Mr Dogfucker & the Doris he's currently hanging out of the back of.

Saturday; shed stuff & made a superb cassoulet.

Sunday; went to a friends for Sunday lunch. She has qualified as a Master of wine, so we drank extremely well.

This week I shall be meeting with some headhunters, eating & drinking well and wanking. Probably.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Lots of good food and wine
and an epic* sleep last night!

I am also waggoning this week and celebrating little calf's 3rd birthday on Wednesday with a day off

* 9 hours, fucking amazing for me
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Well this is good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)

What do you expect? You've started a shit thread.



Again.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Hmm it does rather point towards the honourable option of account deletion, etc.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Go on then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Listen, shorty.
It's not my fault. Look at what I have to work with.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Yes, a low IQ, a drug addled brain and an empty bank account.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Is it to early to call potd?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Not at all.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Post of the morning?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Sainsbury's Vintage Cider is fucking lovely
I think it is re-badged Westons and is 7.2% and 3 bottles for £5.50
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Good morning, homosexualists.
My weekend was also SUPERB.
It is debateable as to whether there is much to report from it, but I enjoyed it.
The excitement for this week will be a trip to London with work, to look at how imminent changes in legislation will affect our industry. It sounds well LOL.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)

It really does.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Morning, shitstain.
Friday was a quiet night in for me, couple of beers and Zombieland.

Saturday involved a few pints with a friend, including an excellent local ale that I look forward to enjoying again soon, watched a couple of games of football, then had a takeaway in the evening, whilst watching films.

Yesterday, the missus came over, spent the day with her, just a nice day in general.

Installing a wireless repeater this week, that's about it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)

I rather lolled at your TOL Food comment

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Stunned and my kid met each other yesterday.
He very kindly gave her a full size golf umbrella which she insisted on walking down the street with it up. It wasn't raining and this thing was bigger than her so it looked like a brolly with legs. It was well LOL.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Did you manage to achieve you unprecedented seven hour day with the littl'un then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)

I did indeed. It was wonderful.
I get another 7-hour-er on the 29th, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Excellent stuff.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)

So basically he broke his restriction order of not being allowed near under-12 girls.
The filthy fucking nonce.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

shut up and fuck off you dull prick.
3D is full of gay, you fucking poof.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)

You were in the film I saw actually.
It was 'Brave'- it was chock full of Scotch pricks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

I bet you wanked yourself raw over 3d Avatar alien porn

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

You bet that, do you?
I accept this bet.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

40 shekels?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

+and a squirt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

get it right up you poofsicle.
yes, I live in the made up middles ages. stupid fucking cunt.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

You fucking were in it.
Playing a dickhead scotch prick twat with a stupid accent and wearing a fucking skirt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)

I'd rather be a tranny than a tramp
I'd rather be a tranny than a tramp
ooooh I'd rather be a tranny, an ugly fucking chickboy
rather be a tranny than a tramp
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)

He likes dressing up as a nun. The deviant.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)

This is fucking terrifying

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:49, Reply)

Certainly one of the most frightening and confusing wanks I've ever had.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)

But still got you off in under six minutes?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)

His boobs appear to be two different sizes

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)

He sold one for drug money. 31p.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Now can you make her climb a tree?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:31, Reply)

I read this as
'Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low,
Through the streets in my kilt I'll go,
And all the lassies shout hello
Donald where'syour troosers'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)

that's cause you're a meth addled fucking racist tramp.
look, if you want to go out with me just ask, no need for all this foreplay.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)

OK, what do you say?
Want to go for a pizza on Friday and take things from there?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)

hahahahahaha, yeah!
fuck off uggo. I do have some self respect.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)

:o(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)

It was set in Dundee?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)

My weekend started well but took a sharp decline on saturday night
when I appeared to contract a mild dose of food poisoning.

But it improved on sunday when I discovered that you can plug a USB drive into my telly and watch downloaded programmes and films through the big telly rather than on my laptop.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)

I wish I could do that on my telly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Buy a new one...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)

Good one!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Exactly a 'good one' will have the connectivity you require
With the bonus of a sharper picture and better sound quality
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)

HAHAHAHA

(Bazongaloid, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Pretty good thanks, had a wander around Blenheim yesterday with the game keeper followed by a BBQ
Also I didn't drink much so feel pretty spritely this morning, although I have self appraisal and a doc to explain why I should be promoted to fill in. I hate that shit.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)

just write
"if you don't promote me, i will murder your wife" in the blood of one of your less popular colleagues.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Saturday was good
Sunday started off meh and got steadily worse, as I developed a very fun migraine that I still haven't shaken off this morning.
It was epic - I threw up so explosively I plastered half the bathroom. That was fun.
Now I've got to drag myself off to computer club, which will not be fun.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I'm hungover as fuck.
A young American lady came in to the pub last night, and got chatting at the bar. Really lovely lady, doing research on medieval manuscripts.
We were going to do a line clean anyway, but due to nice company, it turned from a quick "flush the lines and go home, sort it out in the morning" to a "right, we'll do it the old fashioned way and drink all the waste" and now my brain hurts.
Rest of the weekend was mad busy, the student types have returned in full force, and the sales of ludicrously expensive jager-bombs went through the roof. Idiots. I think i'm getting old, as i though one lad looked BOUT 12, turned out he was born in 94, and i had no good reason to not give him a pint.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Shit. I went to uni in '94
I think being reminded of how long ago that is, was more than good reason not to serve the cheeky little upstart.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)

he called me sir.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)

I should think so too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)

+ of man cum, RIGHT IN THE KISSER

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)

he would have enjoyed that the disgusting bender

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)

Did you get to fuck her?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)

no

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1729455
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Hey Windy

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)

hello'

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)

Ok?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:00, Reply)

if i'm being honest, no,
i feel like i want to die.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

It would be inappropriate of me to extend any sympathy to you, what with it being a hangover and all
Nevertheless, if I were with you I'd croon a gentle melody in the hope that it might help to soothe your aching brow.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Could you maybe extend some sympathy in this direction?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:09, Reply)

Are your aliments alcohol induced?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

I've got an all day breakfast bap.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)

YES
There was a cafe near here that used to have a sign up saying "All Day Breakfast - Served until 11"
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)

excellent.
this is the sort of marketing we need more of in this country.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Portsmouth, ladies and gentlemen
Being shit so you don't have to
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)

i heard about the whole lift debacle,
top work there.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Lift debacle?
Do you mean the one at the spinnaker?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

HOW MANY LIFTS DO YOU HAVE??

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I hope you set harley on them.
yap yap yap grrrr
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)

she was asleep, but next time...

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)

Granddaughter #1 was born in 94.
She's off to uni this month, and very excited about it.
I still can't believe she's not that little five year old I met back in 99.

I feel old :-(
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)

lololdlol

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)

I'm still under forty!
I can cling onto that for another 15 months yet.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

39?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)

If I ever have a drink in your pub, I would check my change twice.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)

well,
i see that joke didn't work well.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)

I certainly didn't get it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I left my first job after Uni in '94
and I'd been there 5 years. :(
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:55, Reply)

THEY'RE 18 AND THEY LOOK LIKE 10 YEAR OLDS.
WE'VE MADE SORT OF MISTAKE SOMEWHERE.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)

No wonder there are paedophiles hiding around every corner nowadays.
They've been conditioned to it by all the 18 year olds leading them on by pretending to be 10.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:02, Reply)

one girl got the hump with me because i wouldn't serve her without ID,
and i tell no lie, when i walked in, i thought the lad she was with was her dad, turned out he was a boyfriend.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:09, Reply)

*something about policemen looking younger*
*sits back in rocking chair*
*looks for werthers originals*
*realises has wrong glasses on, spends 20 minutes looking for them, finds them round neck on a chain*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Friday I missed drinks with the Dog Fucker thanks to him ducking my calls
Saturday my team lost but on the upside I had a very nice Chicken Korai and Palak Paneer takeaway.

Sunday was leftovers and watching QI XL and Mock the Week on iPlayer and the 2nd episode of "A Touch of Cloth". Very good.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)

You seem to have missed 'The thick of it' off that list.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Never watched it

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)

It was alright, the party I went to on Saturday wasn't chocked full of Plumdozers, there were just a couple.
New Thick of It was amazing though, everyone should watch that show.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)

I like it but the scriptwriters need to get over their 'swearing = hilarious' idea as it's a little tedious now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:04, Reply)

It fucking isn't

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:06, Reply)

Ironylolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Even you would have liked Malcom Tuckers description of Star Wars.
"The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin. His father's a robot and he's fucking fucked his sister. Lego. They're all made of fucking lego."
(PsychoChomp, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

And the planet of the teddy bears

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

There are more than one metrosexual skateboard hip hop Joy Division pierced catalogue models? Holy fuck.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Don't worry, I'm sure none of them are as alternative as you.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)

phew!
Did I tell you about that time a woman told me that I was exceptionally good looking, in spite of the piercings? I suavely informed her that I was in fact simply exceptionally good looking, and had piercings.

See? I can be modest and humble.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

And a major league knob-end.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)

it's a dreadful burden being this handsome.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Are you coming to the bash?
It'll be interesting to see all these women falling at your feet in real life.
( Kroney, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)

prob not.
More skint than Monty. I just spent 1500 quid on house stuff.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:34, Reply)

That's a lot of step ladders.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)

+stilts
+platform heels
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Mac Davis lesser known lyrics

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)

Had a friend over for supper and films on Friday
Went down to me old ma's house for a curry and to visit other friends. Sunday I had a date. Didn't go anywhere, but I did make a friend which is nice.
( Kroney, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Out of Lego, yeah?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

No, her parents made her out of boning.

( Kroney, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

He was a nice chap, then?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

In other words she wasn't interested in you, because you're an ugly french wanker.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)

You're all very mean.
I am not ugly.
( Kroney, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Could have been the smell of garlic and surrender

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)

You really are.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

I'm prettier than you
you humunculous
( Kroney, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)

best of all the dried fruit.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Weekend was good
Gigged on Friday until stupid oclock. A few drinks with friends on saturday and a few more yesterday, followed by a home-cooked Chinese meal at my girlfriend's place.
All good.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)

how late is stupid oclock in your world?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)

About 4 a:m
Which is late when you're an old fart like me.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 17 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)