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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Invade Poland?
So now that my six month contract is up, I have been offered 4 months’ work in Poland. Good money, a flat, flights for family etc. However, I am not sure about it, as I don’t want to be apart from my wife & daughter and can’t ask my Mrs to spend a lot of time there, when she doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t speak the language and there is little for her to do. Should I take the job or not?

Alt: best sitcom over the last 30 years? Or is there no such thing as a good sitcom?

AltAlt: How is your mum? Do send her my thanks and best wishes for me. Thanks.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:28, 265 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
It didn't work out too well for Hitler.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:32, Reply)
To be fair, that's because he didn't stop at Poland....

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:37, Reply)
What does your Mrs think about it?
Alt: Fawlty Towers

altalt: She's fine thanks, but asks if you wouldn't mind washing your cock next time as it smells funny.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:35, Reply)
Nah, don't miss 'mini' battered growing up
Alt: I'm Alan partridge
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:40, Reply)
t all depends
How many/how often the flights for wife&daughter would be - or would they be expected to stay there while you work?

Alt: Probably Fawlty towers

Altalt: Dead. But I'll pass on the thanks and best wishes when I'm next at a seance.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:42, Reply)
Dead!?
Well that would explain why she was dryer than dead dingo's dong last night, despite my best moves
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:44, Reply)
i thought it was dead dinogo's donger?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:51, Reply)
ken dodd's dad's dead dinogo's donger?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Serious answer
I think you should decline.
You don't need the extra money and you won't get this time back with your daughter. You would only come to regret it.
She's just turned one, right? They are fucking ace at that age and still changing all the time.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:42, Reply)
The beardy twat is right

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:45, Reply)
Are you still growing a beard?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Maybe...

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:49, Reply)
you should take a photograph every day, and then kill yourself

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:00, Reply)
OK !!!!!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:08, Reply)
I say ask Mrs. Battered
Then do what she says.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Well it worked for you in your marriage

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Never came up
but that wasn't what ended it.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Yeah, 'cause women always give a straight answer.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:46, Reply)
She'll expect you to make the decision, then she'll disagree with it anyway.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Gosh
so much misogyny is response to such a simple question
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)
this is true, and a roughly similar situaqtion is actually what ended my parents marriage.
I still thing Mrs. B is a better person to ask that n internet message board.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Rubbish.
We definitely know best.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)
She is very supportive of me doing it. I think I could get back one weekend a month & she could spend a week a month out there.
I can always do with more money, plus I get bored when not working.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:49, Reply)
That sounds like a good deal!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Well, if it's only 4 months it's probably manageable
longer than that might get interesting.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Don't be such a poof. You can talk over the phone, and skype your genitals at each other.
I think that's how it works. It's only 4 months.

Alt: Father Ted.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:48, Reply)
Have you got kids?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Only in his basement

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:50, Reply)
No, but I'm a splendid uncle.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:50, Reply)

but I'm a splendid uncle. because the court made me have a chemical castration.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Alan Turing lols

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:56, Reply)
yes, and he's not going to be taken alive

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:50, Reply)
You need to tell them it's a young mans game, hadn't they noticed your plump greying balding middle aged visage
bread
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I've known the people involved for years. One of them is my best mate.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Eastern Europe in Winter sucks donkey balls

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Deep frozen donkey balls surrounded by freezing fog and sleet.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:53, Reply)
You could become best friends with /talks Polish ex-pat Grrrrmachine.
He likes to have sex with cars.
4 months is a long time away from family, i do't think i'd do it. I don't have kids, and sometimes do relief for pubs in other places, and a month without ladypig was enough for me.

Alt: Friends.

AltAlt: Been dead since 2002
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Alt: Nearly all sitcoms are shit.
The only possible exceptions to this rule all seem to involve Armando Iannucci in some way.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Bollocks.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)
You don't like Armando Iannucci?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:06, Reply)
no,
i do like iannucci, but there are loads of great sitcoms that ianucci was miles from.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Loads?
Or fewer than five?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)
LOADS!!
well, four or five probably. Look, i'm being grumpy today tangles, maybe its best we have this date another time when i'm in a better mood. It's not you, it's me, I've got a lot on my plate at the moment and it would be unfair to string you along with all my baggage. Gimme a call in a couple of months, maybe we can have a coffee and try again then. Sorry love. Have a good night.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)
It's ok, we can just cuddle instead.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
I don't like YOU, you WOMAD Kershaw wanker.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)
WOMAD Kershaw prick, please

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)
My humble apologies.
I of course meant:

'Fucking knob-end You'ssou N'd'dour WOMAD prick African drum circle Kershaw WANKER from COVENTRY'
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)
That's Mr. Fucking knob-end You'ssou N'd'dour WOMAD prick African drum circle Kershaw WANKER from COVENTRY to you.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Soz. Soz Boss.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)
The thing is, right,
the term "World Music" instantly makes me think "Priviliged new-hippy cunt, pretending to slum it despite the million pound trust fund they'll pick up at 21"
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)
It was nowhere near a million pounds.
And anyway, it's all gone now.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
you should invade Poland
Then kill yourself.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Show me how it's done first.
*passes sharp knife*
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:55, Reply)
I love you Po-land.
alt: Quite possibly Phoenix Nights.

altalt: you're wasting your time there son. Move on, that's my advice.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Dave Spiky was great on that.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:58, Reply)
It's pretty much flawless if you ask me.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:00, Reply)
I'm surprised you liked it
What with all the northerns and povvos
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)
"SIT DOWN OR YOU MAY DIE!!!!"

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:03, Reply)
That's why I liked it so much.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)
AltAlt: but she's been such a kind and considerate lover.
For a lezza.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Alt honourable mentions:
Love Thy Neighbour
Mind Your Language
The Front Line (£50 to anyone who can get me even a single episode of this 80s classic about two black brothers in South London)
Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin
Sorry! starring Ronnie Corbett
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Good call on Perrin
The recent remake was dreadful.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 8:59, Reply)
It really was.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:00, Reply)
THERE WAS NO REMAKE
cf Total Recall, Wicker Man etc etc
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Ha, the new wicker man was an incredible piece of cinematic failure

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)
IT DOES NOT EXIST

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Endgame?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:08, Reply)
yes, monty is a dick that asks obscure questions.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:04, Reply)
And what are 'reamkes'? They sound like some kind of Russian hors d' oeuvres

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:06, Reply)
wut?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:08, Reply)
prick

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)
make sense man!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)
wanker

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)
you're worse than nakers.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Now steady on.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)
No Till Death Us Do Part/In Sickness and In Health?
I'm a huge fan of the Two Ronnies but Sorry! was crap, as was Clarence. Open All Hours and Porridge were light-years better.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Sorry was total crap,
However I find Corbett so comical to look at that were he in pretty much anything I would like it. I cannot abide OOH or Porridge and have never managed a full episode of either.

Never liked Garnett either, nor Rab C Nesbitt which my brother swears is hysterical, primarily because there's a dwarf in it, I think.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I never got Rab C either..
but my mum thinks it's great, probably because she was born round there and can understand it.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)
the dwarf in that is a convicted nonce.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Double lolz
Didn't the chap playing his brother top himself?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)
not sure, probably.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Sorry! is good in my fading memory
"Do you want smacked legs, Timothy?" "No thanks, Mother, I'm trying to give them up."
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)
YOU SEE, EVERYONE?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:27, Reply)
you should fuck off forever.
grrry lives in poland, it sounds shit.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Thanks darling xxxx

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:01, Reply)
can you not get proper jobs in the uk cause of all that fraud?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Honourable mention for the thick of it
Which is genius
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:07, Reply)
THEY SWEAR A LOT!!!!!!!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)
It's achingly beautiful

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)
This post works really well!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Also yes minister while we are politcalolling

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:10, Reply)
haha, the jokes are varied!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Why hasn't your contract been extended?
Smelling of drink every morning and have non epilipetic shakes has done for you I reckon
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)
He was embezzling funds which he spent on a series of ever-more-lavish built-up shoes,
things came to a head when he turned up in 4' gold platforms one morning.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:09, Reply)
I heard it's because he kept sex pestering the women in the office, rubbing his crotch up against their knees

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I head it's because he go so angry he tried to fire the entire board of directors.
Then pooed himself.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:16, Reply)
You forgot my attempt to set the offices on fire.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:17, Reply)
Ah yes. How remiss of me.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)
I heard he used a fire extinguisher to propel his chair around the board room.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:18, Reply)
whilst singing 'you're shit and you know you are' to the CEO.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:20, Reply)
in every board meeting he would repeat everything back that was said in a childish sarcastic voice.
"the projections are really encouraging."
"de prwojections are weally encouwaging."

"would you stop that please."
"would you stop dat pwease."
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Kim Jong Battered

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)
because he's a prick.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:11, Reply)
well yeah that's a given
He was all Gordon Geckoing on bored graduate managers, the feedback was horrific
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)
I heard he walked round the office challenging staff to a dance off.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Pfft.
It was only ever going to be for 6 months, there was some talk of a 2 month extension, but they didn't have the budget.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:15, Reply)
It comes down to a little bit of B. and a lot of A.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:19, Reply)
...and even more of 'Baracus'.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Sorry, that was poor.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)
If this hasn't cheered battered up when he's found out he's being sacked I don't know what will

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Damn right.
I left at the end of August btw.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)
washed up before you're forty :(
That's marketing though, burnt out all 'creativity' gone. Sucked up and spat out.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)
I know. It's tough man.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)
To be fair, I don't think he was expecting to live this long.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)
true, the little people always have reduced life expectancy

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Because he misunderstood the doctor when he was told to expect a 'short life'

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)
alsoalt:
Black Adder, especially series 2.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:12, Reply)
I can't believe it took this long for Blackadder to get a mention...

Possibly because the first one was shite.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:21, Reply)
It was the only one that wasn't.
The others were 'shitter than Shit Shitty McShit, the first sea lord of Shittington' etc etc

Any cunt could churn out that drivel in their sleep.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I didn't like series 3 either

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Four was fucking dire and the last scene of the last episode was so gay I nearly shat a rainbow.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
hahaha!
even though I don't entirely agree with you, the comment rates a click.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)
You're wrong, Boyce
Hope that helps.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Don't you know its tremendoulsly un-cool to like Blackadder
Even though everyone here watched and liked it at the time.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Makes no odds, I'm tremendously uncool anyway.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)
I think 'being a child at the time' is a reasonable defence for me on that one.
I also liked Champion The Wonder Horse and I've gone off that a little, too.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:26, Reply)
You can't use the "I was a kid" defence with me sonny.
You've always been old.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
*rumbled face*

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Same goes for the A Team and Dukes of Hazzard
which now look utter shite.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Even 'Manimal' hasn't aged well!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:30, Reply)
There's talks of 'them' doing a film of that sometime soon

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Nor Stig of the dump.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Story of my life.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Go, shag Polish women, come back
Sorted.

Alt: US sitcom Community is damn good currently, going back further I'd have to say probably Fawlty Towers.

AltAlt: Still dead, but just to be sure we dug her up and burnt her bones. /Supernatural.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Fawlty Towers was over 30 years ago.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:29, Reply)
In John Cleese-related news, I rewatched 'Fierce Creatures' the other day
There's no way they started filming that pile of shite with a finished script, it's all over the place.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)
If your daughter was older, I'd say take it
However, as she's still probably developing everyday, would you not miss a few important things? Set up Skype, you'd still be able to speak to and see them every night.

Alt: Red Dwarf, LOL. Nah, probably the later series of Blackadder, I'd say.

AltAlt; Still dead. Might go to her grave this weekend though, not been in a while.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:28, Reply)
you want him to sex chat with his daughter?
you sick fucking bastard.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)
His card is marked. I'll have him for that. The fucking nonce.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)
you might be an achingly dull shitcunt prick fraudster
but noncing your own daughter? fucking hell, this place is a disgrace.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
I've reported this to the mods, he's always making enquiries about peoples kids and their whereabouts, bloody creepy that's all I'm saying

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
fucking proper creeps me out.
why hasn't he been banned yet?
real ale? real nonce more like!!
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:36, Reply)
He likes them 'hand-pulled', if you know what I mean.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Don't report him to Scaryduck, they'll just end up comparing notes & techniques.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)
If you insist.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)
you sicken me to the core.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I've got a spade in the car you borrow this weekend.
I don't need him for driving duties.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Thanks Miss Daisy.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Depends on the rate.
alt: Porridge.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Alt: Home To Roost, Nightingales, Spaced and Father Ted
Altalt: She's fine thanks!

It's only four months and returning home at the end of it should be better than an mdma-blowie from Santa.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Alright 'Bill Clay'

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Alright 'Monty Boyce'
Did I miss anything?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
1. Some pricks being wankers
2. Some gays whinging
3. Some Ignore 2.0 based tedium

In summary: no
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:39, Reply)
now now Bill,
Spaced was awful.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:33, Reply)
I disagree with this opinion on the internet right here
I really, really do.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:34, Reply)
other than the pop culture referencs that pandered to the nostalgic sentiment of a generation of post grads stuck in shitty london flats,
because the university dream wasn't all it cracked up to be, all it had was tired old jokes, and a ropey story line.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)
I AGREE WITH THIS.
OOhh I ride a SKATEBOARD, and I'm 'INTO COMICS' and and and

Fuck off you pricks. It's basically a documentary about A Vagabond and EmVee.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
It made me laugh.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
well, that is all well and good,
and i'm glad you enjoyed it.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)
your face makes me laugh

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I don't think we can be friends any more now.
Soz 'BC', soz.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:46, Reply)
We were friends?
I mean, I know we went to the Red Dwarf convention together as Lister and Rimmer but I always thought of you as just a fellow 'Dwarfer', not a friend. Ah well, fare thee well 'Ace'.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:52, Reply)
Smegging hell I've been rumbled again.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)
I liked it.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:35, Reply)
you don't like anything.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:37, Reply)
:(

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I'm disapointed in you MMPS

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)
coming from you, that means fuck all.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Why do we always hurt the ones we love?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
You must be a prick then.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)
oh monty, one day you'll find someone that cares!
stay strong hun xxx
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Thank you for these supportive words x

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
It was truly fucking dire.
The agonisingly laboured 'cultural references' and utterly pathetic attempts to be 'cool' make it one of the worst programmes ever.

I'd rather watch QVC than that terrible, embarrassing shit.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:40, Reply)
i've done this bit up there boyce,

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Good work.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Nightingales is one of those programmes that I remember as being absolutely brilliant at the time.
But I suspect that if I ever saw it again, I would be very disappointed.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:38, Reply)
I've just realised, I thought he was on about 'Butterflies' and was rather perplexed.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:42, Reply)
bit like a going on a second date with you

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)
You said you had a good time on our first date.
Is this why you are not responding to any of my text messages?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)
yeah about that, my phone is lost/broken/cut off
and I've been really busy, so i'll call you later yeah?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
I only ever saw one episode
but my brother raved about it.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)
malc's back in prison :(
but you know what? i saw avengers assemble last night, and my favourite bit was the racist bit
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)
What's he gone back in for?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:45, Reply)
lets just say he was engaging in activities he wasn't otherwise authorised to

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)
rape?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Do you have authorisation?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)
THEN IT WOULDN'T BE RAPE WOULD IT?
For fucks sak nakkers, no one wonder everyone hates you.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)
its not jsut online either
i heard his baby cries when it looks at him
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)
terrible, terrible bullying here

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)
sadly not
he was authorised by the prison to "work" for 15+ hours a day, including bank holidays and weekends, as that's the hours he claimed we do business
This was set up by joe as he used malc for garden maintenance etc, and malc was happy as it got him out.

unfortunately he wasn't always doing work for joe, he had a gym membership set up and all sorts
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Typical Malc!!!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)
pretty much, he was always bending and breaking the rules
bound to happen sooner or later, might have been his mrs who grassed him
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)
hang on,
so he was allowed out to work, was he going back to prison in the evenings?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)
yes, except on town visit and home leave days

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:14, Reply)
how did the tit scan go?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
It's confirmed - he really is a tit.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:47, Reply)
fuck off monty. his bird might lose a tit and look fucking odd
have some respect man!
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)
she'll end up walking in circles

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:52, Reply)
you fucking prick!
why are you making jokes? she might have to wear a pair of those comedy tits like what gazza wore in italia 90.
why are you all being such cunts?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I did the serious bit down there

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Oh right. Soz Q.
I was just trying to be funny but now I see that this was inappropriate in the extreme.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:53, Reply)
she won't lose a tit anyway, apparently even if benign its easily removeable

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Tell that to 'Mel & Kim'!!!!!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)
They ain't ever gonna be La Senza-ble

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)
i don't get this reference

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:01, Reply)
the scan has been booked for friday morning
we were waiting for the appointment to come through, the fact it's come so quickly has me worried :(
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:48, Reply)
nah, you're ok. They like to move fast as the earlier things are detected the better

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Don't panic, Q.
They don't mess about when it comes to lumps and stuff. It's one bit of the NHS that works incredibly fast.

Morning everyone, by the way.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)
nah, they always do these things quick.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:50, Reply)
i just always figured that as this was britain, and lets face it we're shit at pretty much everything
they wouldn't do something like this so quick unless it was serious

hold me, mmps
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:52, Reply)
for stuff like this they work well fast, don't mean it is cancer.
*snugglewuggles*
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:54, Reply)
i hope it IS cancer, she was horrible to me last night
she said I was selfish, I mean ME, selfish?

ME?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Bitches be trippin

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)
I can't belIeve she would call ME selfish though
I mean ME?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Early diagnosis is the key, though.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:51, Reply)
No, Lokesy old chap, 'not having cancer' is the key.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:54, Reply)
If only mr b3th had realised that twelve years ago...

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)
:(

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Sometimes it's the obvious things that people miss.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)
*feels foolish*
*removes naked_ape from under desk*
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:01, Reply)
doctors love feeling tits,
so they book it in nice and early.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:54, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:04, Reply)
The reason they see you quickly is because it is one of the government targets.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:04, Reply)
prick off fucknuts

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:05, Reply)
I thought everyone knew this.
Diagnosis of cancer is a key objective. Try getting treatment for depression without using the S word.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)
eh? what S word? are you depressed Bart?
chin up
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)
oh suicide? brilliant, i eman i don't think anyone's eally depressed unless they're suicidal

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)
It's not really AIDs until your skin starts peeling off

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)
I'm not depressed Q, but I have been in the past
You don't get to see a professional until you say you feel suicidal. So just feeling bad about things simply means tablets.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)
feeling bad about things is just normal, as above you're not really depressed unless you're reaching for razors
you're just unhappy, like a middle aged housewife stuck in a rut
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Well, it is possible to feel so bad that you can't motivate yourself to go to work.
Or even get up and face the world. And still not feel like you want to top yourself.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:23, Reply)
sounds a bit gay to me, just pull your socks up and ge tout there

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)
What I never understand is if depression is caused by a chemical imbalance that can be treated with drugs, then how can talking help
if it's purely psycological, how can drugs help?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)
probably positive thinking or sharing or something helps release other chemicals in the brain to make you feel better
if you're a woman, anyway
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)
Using the Sword?
You DO know 'Highlander' is just made up, right?
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Shirtenly

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)
it's the only way of Quickening up the healing process

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)
If you were single, I'd say go for it.
Might be a bit hard being separated from microbattered though. I understand people with kids get somewhat attached to them.

Alt: drop the dead donkey rates highly with me.

Altalt: just got back from a holiday in Turkey. I spoke to her last night and she never mentioned you, sorry.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Morning B3thy, how's the west country today
I am in Croydon with a hangover :(
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Wet, cold and windy.
Insert inappropriate clunge joke here
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:57, Reply)
yes?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:58, Reply)
Are you wet and cold too?
If not, I didn't mean you.

Sorry Windy.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:01, Reply)
you need to be more careful b3th,
this srt of thing can really confuse a man of my limited brain.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)
maybe stay off the pier, just in case

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:59, Reply)
I've got to venture out in a bit anyway
But I'll try to avoid the sea front.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Does this mean its healthy?

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Unless it's a dog's nose, no.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)
BUT HOW DOES IT SMELL?!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Like a fish market on a summer's day.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)
like your florping great fanny!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Citizen Khan is well good, you should all stay up late and watch it

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:03, Reply)
(!)

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:05, Reply)
You're one of the best people on here Glued Eel, you really are.
But I wrote a long piece on staplers for you yesterday and you didn't even have the courtesy to reply.

For this reason alone I'm afraid I'm not going to take you up on your quite probably excellent 'tee vee' advice here.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Plus it's got 'packies' in it.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:08, Reply)
I totally replied eventually

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)
I watched the first episode of that.
It was as embarrassing as Some mothers do ave em.
Which was also extremely shit.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)
^^^^this
I'm amazed there hasn't been rioting in the streets or an attempt to burn down the BBC, unbelievably bad unfunny racial stereotyping.
Perhaps it's just so unfunny no-ones watching it.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:10, Reply)
It seems to be in the most popular section on the old Iplayer,

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)
your shit
some of my best childhood memories were of watching thingybob/condorman go 'ooh betty!'
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Plus he did all his own stunts.
PLUS when his cat did a whoopsie I lolled.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)
and when the chimney fell on him and he thought he did an accident in his trousers

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)
And when he rollerskated down the street.

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)
and the time their bed did that thing

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)
my muslim mate likes it.
she says that's what they're like.
(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:12, Reply)
new thread time!

(, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:15, Reply)

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