Morning benders
Tell us all of your remarkable, but hitherto unmentioned, personal skills. I for example can do mental arithmetic with impressive speed and occasional accuracy, a trait much less well-publicised than being able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

Alt: Take a mega-rich mobile and broadband network, add a film crew and a seasoned Hollywood actor and somehow you end up with an utterly shite advert that screams "Kevin Bacon isn't getting enough work". What gogglebox oddities are winding you up at the minute?

AltAlt: Why did Dozer get stepped? There must be a LOLarious tale to tell there.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:27, 176 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Carpentry. Qualified diesel mechanic. Can use a combine harvester. Can ask for a receipt in about 12 languages.

Alt: Greg Wallace. WHY?

AltAlt: Don't care. Hope it's permanent.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:30, Reply)

I can do a passable Charleston to "Combine Harvester" by the Wurzels
That's virtually the same thing.

With you on Wallace. As far as I can tell his USP is opening his mouth really wide. And saying everything John Torode says in a slightly different way.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:34, Reply)

seriously? Charleston is not that hard.
Rock step, pump step pump step, and repeat. Guys charleston steps change very little. How can you say yours is only passable?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:42, Reply)

He's just gutted he can't dance as well as this lot
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahoJReiCaPk&feature=youtube_gdata_player
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Yes I am
Although that's Swing rather than Charleston
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Thats actually the vid that got me into Swing dance.
I can do a couple of the little aerials in that vid actually. Lindy swingouts are fucking awesome when you get them right!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

I don't mean passable by the standards of someone who's just turned up to their first lesson, for one thing
For another, that sounds like six-beat Charleston which is basically the same as rock jive, the routine we put together had a wide variety of steps, lifts, and - this is the important bit - legs and arms moving independently of each other's timing. That's MULTITASKING.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Oh the horror of multitasking!!

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:47, Reply)

I'm a boy!
Horror is putting it mildly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:47, Reply)

I read this as 'Gosh I really am the most frightful chutney'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I read this as 'I wish I could afford friends'

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Eh?
I read that as 'I'm out of my head on 'French blues' '
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:07, Reply)

I'm calling you poor, Monty.
It's both witty and original.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Unfortunately what it ended up looking like is that you consider it necessary to buy friends.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Morning.
I have no particular skills so I moved to London where that's not such an issue.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:33, Reply)

I can hold my hands behind my back, bring them up over my head and around to my front without separating hands.
also, I can usually fix printers when other people have trouble with them. And I can spell without spellcheck.

There's an ad on tv where John Farnahm sings "You're the Voice!". I think he's low on funds again.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:39, Reply)

I quite like a cover I heard of that
Fairly sure everyone else will hate it though.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:42, Reply)

actually, not that awful.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:52, Reply)

It has an ad for "I can't believe it's not metal"
So starts with -1000 points. And I didn't listen to it as I'm at work, so its final score is -1000. Soz.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:05, Reply)

It is a particularly pathetic name for an album.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:06, Reply)

I don't consider spelling to be an especially impressive skill, despite the failings of those around us
The arm thing makes you terrifying though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

it's useful for when people try to handcuff me or tie my hands behind my back.
it's because my right shoulder and elbow are double jointed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:48, Reply)

also useful for when a lead wrenches my arm the wrong way. it doesn't really hurt.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I can't bring myself to make the obvious "Aussies = criminals" joke
and am quite envious of this skill
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:49, Reply)

I made it so no one else had to

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:53, Reply)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Want to see something really sweet/cool? My kid had her first go at scratching on Sunday:

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:39, Reply)

oh she's adorable with those ringlets!

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Not bad skills for a nipper either. Not too heavy-handed on the cut.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

You've got her cutting drugs? Already?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:46, Reply)

1/10

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Yeah, any more than 10% and people would notice I guess.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:52, Reply)

This one was better.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:58, Reply)

DO NOT JUDGE ME.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:58, Reply)

This one was worse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:05, Reply)

I preferred it when you were in a bad mood yesterday

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:07, Reply)

I am in a fucking dreadful mood, don't worry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:11, Reply)

I wasn't.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:13, Reply)

Saw the picture of that on Sunday, absolutely cracked up

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

I couldn't be a lot more proud.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:58, Reply)

I can still do some mental arithmetic, although not as well as I used to be able to
It was helpful when I worked in a factory kitchen for a couple of months a few years back, was able to work out the cost of meals before they even reached me.

Alt: I quite like that advert tbh.

AltAlt: Don't know, don't care.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Morning mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Morning fella

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:44, Reply)

I'm pretty good at drawing and painting.
Having a child has reminded me that I'm not bad at all, as I've been drawing pictures for her. I'm planning on doing her an illuminated letter E for her and framing it as I can churn out a passable knockoff of that medieval manuscript style. I won a calligraphy prize when I were a lad and had my work exhibited.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Calligraphy done with a head dobber is worth exhibiting.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 8:59, Reply)

You were 'head dobber' at your school.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:00, Reply)

You are about 5 minutes away from
Using the execrable phrase:

SPEAKING AS A PARENT...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Theres an advert for some shit voucher website,
Where a woman looks all smug for failing to use chopsticks properly, instead of being a grown up and wither asking for a fork, or learning to use chopsticks. Dunno why it annoys me, I think its because its championing ignorance.

Altalt: I am never sure about dozer.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Yeah that advert annoys me for the same reason.
Morning, Winders.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:04, Reply)

morning chief.
Also, toothpaste advert with "squeaking" clean.
Someone tried to tell me it was a marketing tool as I would remember the advert, but I forget which brand it was for, maybe I remember sub-consciously.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:13, Reply)

I can still remember an ancient cornflakes ad
because none of the words in the jingle rhymed properly.

Oh they are the ONES
that give your famiLY
one full quarter OF
five vitamins they NEED.

AAAAARGH. Other brain-itches included rhyming "taste" with "flakes".

I've never bought cornflakes since. Or before, to be fair.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:19, Reply)

You just pick at your eczema instead?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Ew.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:22, Reply)

I am also fairly useful at mental arithmetic
I can touch type at a fairly decent speed and have an excellent memory for work based things and useless trivia
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:17, Reply)

alright, calm down million dollar cow.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:19, Reply)

*leaves the table*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:20, Reply)

My brain also retains useless pub quiz information whilst eschewing practical knowledge
but I think I've advertised that fact fairly well.

Morning sir.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Morning all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:20, Reply)

*Waves*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Alright

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:23, Reply)

I am 38 years old today

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Bless (ruffles hair)

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Shite, it's the 4th isn't it
Happy Birthday mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:28, Reply)

thankee

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Happy birthday to well known racist Noel also

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Happy birthday ye wee bairn ye

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Happy birthday sporty

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Happy birthday, young 'un.
Did you get any good toys?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Gin

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:39, Reply)

\o/

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:40, Reply)

I NO RITE!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Happy birthday Sporters

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

I just had to check how old I am
And I cant believe that you are younger than me... thats fucking disappointing I can tell you
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:01, Reply)

I had to think when someone asked me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:01, Reply)

I remember when all this *waves hand dramatically"
Was fields...

It annoys me that I have to do a mental check of my age before answering, I think that senility is just round the corner
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Morning Darth,
I have the ability to both hear and listen to what people say (especially the wife), it may not sound like much of a skill but it’s managed to keep me out of hot water over the year’s.
Alt:Yep them Bacon adverts are kinda annoying. Plus didn’t he rip that connected thing of Bob Monkhouse?
Alt:Alt: He was probably trying to make out that he’s Rory again(or make out with).
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:21, Reply)

I'm pretty good at mental arithmetic - when all you had was a slide rule you had to have some idea of what the answer should be so you didn't put the decimal point in the wrong place.
I'm also qualified to work on gas turbines in power stations and warships - used to do it for a living.
Alt: Comments like these make me glad I don't own a TV.
Altalt: DFKDFC
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Oh! I have an excellent sense of direction when it comes to going places I've only been once before.
doesn't matter if I only have a street number, and I was drunk/and/or it was dark the last time I went there, I can almost *always* find it again.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:22, Reply)

this^
Mrs Cow is fucking useless at it but I can normally always figure it out
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Pull the udder one

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:25, Reply)

It IS my birthday
An udder-wank would help
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Happy candleday
I simply CUDn't
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Happy Birthday old man
You could have at least 10 years left in you yet:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Bertha_(cow)
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:33, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:39, Reply)

for some reason I just remember landmarks and my physical orientation on the streets really really well.
ie, when I was in Melbourne for the dance thing, I went back to a mates place for the first time in Northcote. Never been there before, was 2 am, and we were off in a little maze of side streets. needed to catch the train the next day and I was able to find it in less than 10 minutes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:28, Reply)

You're a homing Wallaby

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I could get lost in my own flat.
I have no sense of direction at all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Nothing at all to do with drugs and alcohol

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

he is technically a female

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I prefer 'nullo' if you don't mind.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

What?
*note to self must Pander MOAR to Monty*
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Corr-ect.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

I heard my new favourite joke today.
I fucked a girl in an apple orchard and came inside 'er.


As you were.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Scarpe I have the most terrible news for you:
That isn't remotely funny.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:33, Reply)

Monty!
I saw Monty's bar in Shorditch at the weekend. It's delapidated, could do with a brush up and looks like it's best days are behind it. Odd that.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

We had a bash in there last year
You weren't invited. Odd that
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Can't for the life of me imagine why that is.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:38, Reply)

I reckon I'd be good fun at a bash.
You all need someone sitting in the corner drinking lime and soda, rolling his eyes when you all start to slur and alternating between looking longingly at the top shelf behind the bar and at the clock to see if it's still to early to leave without seeming rude.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:39, Reply)

That's usually me.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)

behind the bar and at the clock to see if it's still to early to leave without seeming rude in the newsagents, desperately trying to spot a particularly deviant jazz mag to take home for a teary, joyless wank as that's the only pleasure left to you in your arid boozeless landscape of a 'life'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Yeah, that's me too.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:43, Reply)

I always had you down as a massive wanker

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:44, Reply)

She has a clit like Mike Tyson's punchbag, I've heard

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:45, Reply)

I've heard that she was sued by the British Soggy Aubergine Society for plagiarism

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Better than being a massive bender

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:46, Reply)

This is true.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:49, Reply)

I don't get people who buy those mags, even if you don't have the internet at home, its free from the library.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:16, Reply)

*drinky hand gesture*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

*looks at clock*
*shakes head sadly*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:37, Reply)

lols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:40, Reply)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I'm good at ;looking concerned when really I couldn't give a shit
alt: I quite like the Bacon advert as it goes. Mrs Ape got me to watch "The Secret odf Crickley Hall" which was cliched, boring, badly acted and not scarey.

altalt: for being a prick
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:31, Reply)

I like Kevin Bacon, but that advert is pretty annoying.
Still, if I'd lost all my money in a financial scam and was offered millions to plug a phone network I wouldn't say no.

Bit harsh of whoever it was that said he ripped off Bob Monkhouse too. I'm fairly sure he didn't write the advert.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:33, Reply)

how does he rip off monkhouse?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

The whole connected thing was from one of his routines

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:36, Reply)

I don't think he does really, but it's said up there somewhere^
I think it's similar in theme ish to the bit in 'An Audience With...' where he makes connections between audience members, but I think that's a coincidence and it's just playing off '6 degrees of Kevin Bacon'.


And Monkhouse was a massive plaigerist anyway, in the days when you couldn't see the world's comedians on YouTube he was always off to the US and coming back with routines and jokes stolen from acts he saw.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:36, Reply)

He must have seen some shit acts then.
Talking of shit acts..............
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

where is Kroney?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)

I bet he's lonely

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:43, Reply)

James Herbert has written some brilliant and some fucking terrible books

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Indeed, but Crickley Hall was a terrible book
so no surprise it made for shit TV.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:40, Reply)

this^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Really?
I have it on my Sky plus. Should I even bother watching it?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:45, Reply)

I didn't bother
Coronation St bird annoys me
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Nope
Can't make a silk purse, etc.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Thanks. That's saved me three hours, right there.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Theres a guy on my facebook somewhere,
That is really angry that they ruined his favourite book.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:45, Reply)

I quite enjoyed it tbh
He's done better ones, mind. Still, I'm yet to watch the series.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Weren't the ones about the rats supposed to be terrifying?
I don't think I've ever read any of his work, but my mum loves them.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:55, Reply)

Yes, they were good ones

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Nah, I wouldn't say that was a frightening one at all
Closer to a thriller than a horror, really.

The Dark is a bit fucking unnerving, mind.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:56, Reply)

The Dark is a good one
as is The Fog
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Aye, very much so
Can't imagine TV versions of either though, The Dark is probably a bit too nasty for it, and I can't imagine The Fog transferring to TV well.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Apparently I'm a rather excellent gift-buyer.
And while I wouldn't call these skills, most people are baffled to the point of indignation that I can learn languages easily and retain trivial knowledge.

Alt: all those supermarket adverts that seem to point out it's okay for mum to do every fucking thing involved with xmas. It's not that that happens to me, it just irritates me for some reason.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Well get the fucking sprouts on then, you lazy cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Retaining useless information
useless until the next pin quiz, that is.

alt: all soap operas and "reality" TV

alt:trying too hard to be liked, never going to happen.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Fuckity fuck wank toss bollocks.
In the space of the last five minutes, a migraine has decided to set up camp right in the front of my brain. I give it half an hour before I'm begging for death. : (
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Unleash the drill!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:03, Reply)

*somethinng about the big bad city*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:06, Reply)

I thought about that too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:07, Reply)

*something about fucking off and dying*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:07, Reply)

I can throw things over my shoulder and catch them behind my back with considerable ease
except the one time I did it with a bottle of vodka and it smashed everywhere.

Alt. I don't watch TV but the wife watching soaps and then talking to me about them as I am reading a book is annoying.

AltAlt. Don't know, don't care
( Peej, Tue 4 Dec 2012, 10:05, Reply)