Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I have it on good authority that you are 'a right wally'.I've started this thread to give you the opportunity either to apologise for this, or to defend yourself against what is admittedly a very serious accusation.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:31,
245 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
I bet you try and stick your cock up your own arse when no one is looking(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:32,
Reply)
this is a witty post, please acknowledge it B3ta(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
I hate myself for chuckling at this(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:39,
Reply)
No. Sorry, the other one. I hate you.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:45,
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It's trolling like this that's ruined B3ta.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
Hey Battered, lend us fifteen hundred quidlots of love
George Osbourne
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:39,
Reply)
I've finally made it Monty. The back of my head is on the front cover of the Oxford Mail.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:39,
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you know, I could have had my face on the cover, but after the photographer asked us to move for the 5th time for a different pose, I gave up and went back to the bar.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:44,
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:( x 10at least you're beautiful locks made it. What was the story about?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:46,
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the 1p off beer thing. The photographer was a dick head, and was wasting my drinking time.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:56,
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This is BIG.I am proud to have you as a friend.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:43,
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Like the whole of Oxford hasn't already seen the back of your head(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:54,
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The implication is that you let men violate you anallyJust in case that wasn't clear
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:54,
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I got it, it just made me a little sad. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:56,
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Oh, well that wasn't the intentionIt was more an attempt to ignite gay feelings that lay dormant within you, in the hope that I could violate you anally. Annually.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:59,
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it's a shame you're not like that fellar that had another face on the back of his head that drove him to suicide(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:08,
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i'm going to be £149 better off this yearbut it has just reminded me all over again how much tax i pay. wah wah wah. give it back you scrounging fuckwits.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:39,
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I want to meet the nurses I'm paying for.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:40,
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amorous badger does it for you?you go, girl
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:42,
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you know the whole you being a sex pest thing. Is this that again?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:42,
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I'm waiting for the first customer to misunderstand how it works, And ask me why I haven't put my prices down by 1p and have in fact, put them up by 5p.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:42,
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imagine how great our jobs would be without clients*dreams*
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:42,
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I'd be drunk all of the time. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:43,
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cos you could afford to dye them back to their ginger glory?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:52,
Reply)
i thought we were tightwith our secret pizzas and shit
and now this
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:58,
Reply)
when they phone you, just leave them on holdthey soon get the fucking message
also fake emails from them thanking you for your great customer service and CC them to management
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:48, Reply)
it's like you are one of my clientshowever did you guess
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:54,
Reply)
I liked it when they injected disableds with anthrax/ac
also
www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7Fx74toaZQ#t=6s
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:57, Reply)
he's so pretty! admiring himself in the bowl at the end, smooth.what was he typing on /qotw?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:02,
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he does get it regularly thoughball, frog, doubtless perch...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:08,
Reply)
I should point out that his plop tray is sparkling clean now and free from avian ordure(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:12, Reply)
very important thatbird scat is not a good look for anybody
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:27,
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Don't give me no guff about the till software or having to re-print all the menus.I'm onto you, the goverment have given us a free pint in every 319, like like fuck am I gonna let you take that away from me.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:47,
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I'm £49 better off, _and_ Im a smoker ! (
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:49,
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I'm gonna get myself down the massuce and see if I can score a few lines to go along with a cracking handjob.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
Christ it's all kicking off on QOTW isn't itI'll be disappointed if this day ends without a single shanking
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:42, Reply)
That guy seems like a tedious prick. I have no time for him at all.Morning!
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Kroney, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:52,
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Morning Kronelyhave you moved to London yet?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:54,
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Looking like mid-April now.Jokes with people losing jobs and unexpected expenses and shit. Moving is always lol when you're on your own, let alone with a friend.
Now looking like it's going to be Muswell Hill again. I just want to move, I don't even care where to now :(
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Kroney, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:14,
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is tresbian the collective noun for lesbians?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:17,
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La Rochelle, comme ci comme ca.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:57,
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alles ou la piscinotheque?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:11,
Reply)
b3ta.com/questions/fightclub/post1907012
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:50,
Reply)
If you go to that button at the top marked "Question of the Week"...It's all on the most recent page. Click my post while you're there, it's fucking hilarious. It's not really.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:53, Reply)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!Hold on. Bit slower there, yeah? I'm writing this down.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:55,
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So, did you get your arse handed to you last night?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:59,
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A bitI absolutely destroyed them in the first game, I got more points than the rest of my (adults) team put together, then the kids worked it out and ganged up on me in the second game. It was like the last days of Rome.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:01, Reply)
As long as your nephew enjoyed his trip, that's the main thing.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:04,
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Sorry :((
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:44,
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Tell it to the judge, 'Kenny Martin'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:46,
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Hey you nerd pricks:www.addict.co.uk/artists/OFFICIALLICENSEDPRODUCT_416_0_0_na.html?utm_source=MTC&utm_medium=email&utm_content=HEADER-1&utm_campaign=21032013
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:52,
Reply)
Not my cup of tea, Fogesy, but the label is owned by a FOF so I get their emails.I thought some of these homosexuals might like them.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:55,
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When ever I read "Fogesy" i think of Wilf(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:57,
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Whenever I see a wheelchair user crapping into a drain on a busy thoroughfare I think of Wilf.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:01,
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20 years ago I'd have been all over thatI've got one of these. Cost me an arm and a leg at the time.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:57,
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I have a few basketball shirts.Couple of 70s ones and a Harlem Globetrotters one. They are my holiday/heatwave upper garment of choice.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:14,
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Hey, me tooNot old ones mind...mine are all new-ish. I have an aussie rules shirt too. That one's quite cool, if a bit colourful.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:19,
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only if there's one of luke full on kissing leia(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:12,
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except for the bit where she was prancing about with her tits and fanny outI woke up a bit for that
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)
In response, I put it to YOU, Sir,that you are, in fact, a Benny tied to a tree.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:52,
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Are you saying you're NOT a Benny tied to a tree?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:54,
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I ENT SAYIN NUFFINK WIVAHT MY BRIEF.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:56,
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oh man, I got to charge the battery on the Van of Sexual Urgencyit's not been seen round here in a long time
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:56, Reply)
Our headshrinker says she won't give us any sex therapy nowbecause its clear to her we need to sort out our marriage first, so no more tales of bum fingering I'm afraid.
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Peej, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:55,
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This is a sad day for the Internet.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:56,
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I thought hat's what the counselling was for in the first place?Did she give you a copy of the rest of the questionnaire? You could work through it with us.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:57,
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We went to try and sort our quite frankly shit sex life since the kiddies came along, its apparently a common taleBut after going through the questionnaire she decided she needs to sort us out instead
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Peej, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:00,
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it's tributaries to the same shit stream though innit(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:01,
Reply)
To be fair its only your sex life that is shitShe will be going at it 10 to the dozen while you are posting on here...
HTH
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:07, Reply)
is that the grazia or cosmo questionnaire?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:14,
Reply)
sometimes I wish posts on here would appear a single letter at a timewith a voiceover from sarah jessica parker
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:15,
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I concede that I am indeed 'a right wally'I will not apologise for it
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:03,
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Could someone please if bonzo is OK?He sounds like he's had a stroke
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:12,
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Mmmmm, tripe.It's a delicacy up there, you know.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:12,
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You know, I think I could happily go my entire life without eating tripe(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:13,
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Me too.My gran used to eat boiled tripe. It fucking reeked. But then, she was from Yorkshire. They're a bit funny that way.
The dog loves it too.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:15,
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What my dog and I do in our own time is no concern of yours.(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:17,
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In which case I'm afraid you are also a 'pranny'.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:09,
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I am naught but a force for good round these partsMy 11 fans will attest to this in the form of flowers and glowing tributes
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This word needs to be brought back in to modern parlance.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:12,
Reply)
And, ideally, spelt correctlyIt's "wazzock". A wassock sounds like a Scotch purse.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:13, Reply)
^ typical wassock postalso, www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wassock
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:14,
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Isn't it an old word for a turnip or something?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:15,
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OK I'm sorry, "B3th doesn't mean turnipit means trout
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:26,
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Why does Battered have this reputation of being nasty?Maybe I'm not paying attention properly but I've never seen it myself.
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Peej, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:12,
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you know those small dogs that always trying to bite people?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
He likes winding up people who say silly things on the internetIt's such a niche pasttime that I'm not surprised you haven't encountered it.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Purple doris didn'trecently bereaved and made redundant, just when she needed some warmth and support, in wades Battered suggesting "it" was a "scrounger" anda "fat munter".
she killed her self from the shame and was buried on the same day, in the same plot as her granny. I suppose if nothing else, at least she got to go to her nan's funeral in the end
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:18,
Reply)
I have no knowledge of thisand strongly suspect that much of it is bollocks
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:19, Reply)
Tru facts on the internetBattered felt so guilty he offered to send her £32 in the post so they could meet up and have motel sex
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:20,
Reply)
This has got to be the little man's finest hourApart from the whole Goliath thing, obviously
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Bar the suicide that is 100% accurate(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:21,
Reply)
the worst thing was offering to put her up in a travel lodgeit gets no more offensive than that
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:25,
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My mum and I stayed in a Travelodge last yearwhen we went to her auntie's funeral.
TRUFAX.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:27,
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And your part in it is conveniently overlookedand ignored by all.
Nicely done, Nakers, old chap. Nicely done.
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Kroney, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:31,
Reply)
shhhhh frenchyAs I said before, what one does it not important, it is what one can get away with.
always make sure there is one car going faster than you on the motorway.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:34,
Reply)
i was there for munter-gatei was appalled and disgusted
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:16,
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Don't go there.It doesn't need a second airing.
EDIT: Too late. Nakers already went there.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:18,
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I'm tempted to tell you all what precisely my connection is with PurpleDoris is. Just to really make it worse.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:19,
Reply)
I'll tell you tomorrow so I can see your face.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:21,
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Oh man, I can't handle the intrigue. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:28,
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It's almost better than that.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:24,
Reply)
You were the cunt hat ran up all her debts, weren't you?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:23,
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I didn't notice that.Fat fingers and ipad, I'm afraid.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:32,
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what?!it was the best thing I've seen here in ages
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:20,
Reply)
I've been everywhereI've been to Brighton, I've been to Eastbourne, I've been to Hastings too,
So what?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:21,
Reply)
I couldn't stretch my cock far enough :((
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:23,
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You started it(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:23,
Reply)
I heard he jammed a biro down a goat's ear then licked the earwax off it(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:16, Reply)
I heard he likes to hug a goat so closely their eyes rub togetherI hope it's not the same goat :(
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:21,
Reply)
I heard he pushed a Kinder Surprise up a sleeping pigeon's egghole and it shat out a helicopter(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Kinder Eggs are illegal in America, FrankILLEGAL.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:31,
Reply)
Jesus, you really are a prick, aren't you?Think of all those little American kids that have never had one. I'm fucking shocked.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:33,
Reply)
Not relevant to the thread, but I don't know where else to put thisHe glanced at the clock; 5am. His sense of rage wasn’t easing, no matter what he tried. Reviewing his extensive property portfolio, shouting at the kids he coached, even gazing in to the depths of his salt water swimming pool. Nothing was working.
He shook with anger. His emotions overflowed as he considered his empty marriage, his failed attempts to use the internet to find solace in the arms of another and the shocking truth when he found out the man he thought was his dad wasn’t his real father.
He fired up his laptop. He knew where he had to go online to purge the anger that tainted the very core of his being. He’d pick on some people on the other side of the world. That would surely make him feel better about himself…
To be continued.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:25,
Reply)
is this the firsdt chapter of your autobiography?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:28,
Reply)
so you've written some of Ringo's autobiography?I'm not sure you understand the 'auto' part.
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:33, Reply)
Dozer, I need to speak to you regarding secured loans(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:35,
Reply)
I could suggest a couple places you could put it...(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:30,
Reply)
I'm not going anywhere near your bathwater filled vadge.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:31,
Reply)
I'm gushing with excitement(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:34,
Reply)
A lot more than seven on here(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:37,
Reply)
it's been fun this morning, all thanks to battered and his complete lack of social awaeness(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:37,
Reply)
... and then he posted something about b3tans murdering each other
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:31, Reply)
Yeah, so yesterday I was driving at 82 on the A3and went past an active camera van.
I swear they're lying wait for me personally at the moment.
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Kroney, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:43,
Reply)
I assume you have already visited the local police station to turn yourself in.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:54,
Reply)
I fought the law once.Needless to say they had the last laugh.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:01,
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They've taken to sitting on a northbound layby just before the Wisley petrol station.(
Kroney, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:57,
Reply)
We used to have this book when I was a kid:www.amazon.co.uk/How-be-Wally-Paul-Manning/dp/0708824404
And also its follow-up book Superwally.
It was well LOL.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:56,
Reply)
haha, did you?really?
haha, that's great!
I didn't click the link, soz
(, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:59, Reply)
I'm embarrassed to say that we did too.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:00,
Reply)
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