David Icke and a few others are starting a TV station from scratch.
If you started a Telly station what would your programming be?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:31, 130 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

breasts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:47, Reply)

*signs up*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:47, Reply)

*tunes in*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:58, Reply)

*drops out*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Me, all day and all night
From 0600 to 0900 - cartoon shows that I like
0900-1200 - Current events
LUNCH
1300 - 1500 - Consumer advice
1500 - 1900 - More cartoons
1900 - 2100 - Light entertainment
2100 - 0100 - German dungeon porn
0100-0600 - Highlights of that days THTV and subscription information
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:51, Reply)

Will the LUNCH section involve a discussion about that day's midday meal, or will the station go on standby for that hour?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Nik Kershaw will read out your emails and texts on what you're having for lunch
interspersed with Nigella Lawson showing Mark leMarr how to prepare quick and easy snacks in a low-cut top.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:56, Reply)

It's Mark in the low-cut top, obviously.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:56, Reply)

She wears a lot of polo necks at the moment.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:57, Reply)

*tiffs playfully*

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Cor!
Mark Lamarr in a low-cut top
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Wahey!
There's a man who's on my 'list'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:01, Reply)

I had a friend that looked just like him, but he died
So...y'know...
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:02, Reply)

I've got all his NMTB episodes on my ipad
and watch them all the time.

/no life
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:06, Reply)

My friend was never on Nevermind The Buzzcocks

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Comedy misunderstandings ahoy!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

What a coincidence!
I've never minded the Buzzcocks.
In fact, I rather like them.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:12, Reply)

There's a nmtb compilation series on at the moment.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Yeah, I've been watching it.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Good chat!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:15, Reply)

We should do this more often.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:18, Reply)

It's very amusing

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Much preferred Amstell

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

You are a silly man.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

He's got to stick with his own, innit.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:29, Reply)

As foreign beers go it's pretty average, tbh

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:31, Reply)

He made Preston look an idiot. And walk off!
Plus anyone who makes Britney cry is a winner with me
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:48, Reply)

MIne too
He's dreamy
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:08, Reply)

dreamy a nifty, fifties conman!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Wahey!
He does have an excellent, covetable record collection.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Do you know if he's still on the radio anywhere?
Since he left Radio 2 I've not heard anything.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

I do not.
His Alternative Sixties show was one of the best things on the radio.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:17, Reply)

I used to love his 'God's Jukebox' show.
And the fifties one he did was good too. It was nice to hear some 'off the beaten track' music.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Agreed and agreed.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

I also enjoyed his radio shows.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:26, Reply)

I'd 'enjoy' his 'radio show'
if you know what I mean.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Then you're in the cool gang too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Am I in the cool gang?
That's a novelty.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:31, Reply)

'Cool' is an inexact science
Here are some guidance notes: audio.skeyelab.com/howtospeakhip/art/2hires.gif
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:38, Reply)

For a further description of this show, see below

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Don't know if he still does it
But he used to have a radio show that covered underground 60's rock bands. Some of it was bloody brilliant. God knows how he found some of these things...there were bands that had ONE album that got to number 50 in the charts for one week in 1965. Seriously obscure.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I used to pride myself on knowing about half of the stuff he played.
/hipster
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:19, Reply)

It'll be an hour of me eating my lunch
You're not obliged to watch, and I probably won't be talking much.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Will you be eating for the whole hour?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:00, Reply)

I might stop for a toilet break, or if I need to pop to the shops
But I won't know that until the time comes.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:01, Reply)

I'd probably just follow the model L!VE TV used in the late 90s

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Greater Anglia trains are dirty and shitty
Do not recommend.
( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:58, Reply)

One of the times I went to Norwich on a train a woman got on in some backwater
and proceeded to take out a raw unpeeled carrot which still had soil on it and just chomp it like a rabbit.

Bunch of animals
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:01, Reply)

I'm just passing through Stratford
Fucking hell it's horrible. It reminds me of Warsaw.
( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:02, Reply)

That place needs a fucking motorway straight through it.
Then maybe in a generation every child can get a bit of culture, like Colchester.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

they really are nasty, worse on hot day
they all have that dusty smell
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:06, Reply)

I just got sent a job ad on LinkedIn for an Oracle Admin in Norwich
Problem being that I'm not an Oracle Admin and since I don't live in Norwich I can't imagine why anyone would think I'd want a job there.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:26, Reply)

I'm sure it'll be shit.
As would any TV channel I set up.

In other news, why are so many politicians mental? I've only just heard about that councillor who thinks he's an alien. What the fuck is he on? And, more to the point, where can I get some?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:03, Reply)

I watched that show the other night
It's his "Mum" that's the alien. His father left (or died) when he was tiny, and his real Mum was a massive alcoholic who died when he was about 17.
Dr Freud, your 4 o'clock is here....
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:05, Reply)

He still gets regular alien gash though.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Yes, apparently so
Why is it that all of the people that have been abducted by aliens turn out to have some sort of psychological affliction? I just don't understand it. If you were going to study an alien species, you'd pick a smart one, wouldn't you?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:09, Reply)

The smart ones know to shut up about it.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:11, Reply)

I certainly won't be telling anyone about the fact that I'm descended from aliens and regularly get visited by sexy nympho aliens.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Like a spaceship could take off with you in it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

something something mountain shaped out of mashed potato something

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

: (



AKSHULLY, I'm considered quite svelte on Alpha Centauri.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

on compared to
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Oh
zing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:18, Reply)

Wait...is this you?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:19, Reply)

That was taken before I put my makeup on.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Hey, you wear a sleeping helmet too!
I thought it was just me!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

The tin foil keeps slipping off during the night

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Nah, I suffer from nocturnal auto-pummeling
I punch myself in the face while I sleep.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Even your subconscious hates you.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:28, Reply)

:(

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Yeah, NASA's new one only has 32,027 kiloNewtons thrust.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:15, Reply)

That's a fuckton of kilospoons.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Is that why you can't usually make it out of bed before 4pm

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

It's not aliens, it's the government testing potentially dangerous drugs that might cure crazy.
So far, tests have been a failure.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Wait, this sounded way too sincere,
I do not believe this.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:13, Reply)

This is actually true

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:15, Reply)

To be fair, if I was going to give experimental drugs to loons,
I'd totally dress up like an alien species just to give their family a good excuse to cut them out of the will.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Makes sense

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

I'd just like a pleasingly calm picture of some animals milling about in a field for a bit.
Then maybe a documentary on the English canals for a couple of hours, then a show where posh people try and discuss the issues of the desperately poor, and cone across as out of touch and smug, and then a pretty good sitcom, maybe 2 episodes in a row, then a break. Maybe a rugby match or a formula one or some cricket, then an exciting but light hearted action movie yo round off the night.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Something like this?
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=T72TopWbXJg#t=10s
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Not available on mobiles,
But I do believe I know the scene in question.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:21, Reply)

I get to find out later if my flatmate's got herself
knocked up by her ex. Drama.
( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Silly bitch.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:21, Reply)

"Btw enjoy the stag :)"

( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:22, Reply)

What stag?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

The stag in Berlin I'm headin to the airport for

( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Nice.
Have you been before? It's a great place.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

We lived there in the early 80s.
It was brilliant. I took mr b3th back a few years ago and showed him our old flat.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Yeah, I was there at Christmas. Great place. I'm looking forward to it!

( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Meeting up with Monty?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Nah, it'll be their last day, I think
Besides, we may not even be in the same part of the city
( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:43, Reply)

"her ex"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:21, Reply)

She's abviously been taking lessons from Swipe.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Abviously.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I thought my Vegan flat mate was bad enough.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:27, Reply)

I've never known anything like it
She is really well meaning, but disaster seems to follow her around like a stray dog.
( Kroney, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:32, Reply)

I was looking at rentals today on the off campus housing area for my uni, and one of them was advertising with the following
"Vegetarians and vegans only thanks, I don't want your disgusting meat in the fridge contaminating my home grown produce."

Welp, okay then.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:01, Reply)

I thought that being a Vegetarian or vegan
Was illegal in Australia?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Punishable by feeding to crocodiles.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:09, Reply)

Excellent
Can we make you Queen of Oz?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:19, Reply)

technically, I think, I *think*, we already have a queen.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:30, Reply)

it would probably not be popular with everyone.
Scifi along the themes of Doctor Who, BSG, Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, Doctor Horrible, mixed in with HIMYM, BBT, Friends and other old stuff I like.

Also, YAY HOLIDAYS!!!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:51, Reply)

I fucking loatheFriends.
Horrible show.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Definitely not keen on Ross, but it's one of my comfort shows.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:56, Reply)

It wants gassing.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:58, Reply)

so point your arse at the TV
I'm sure your gases are noxious enough to get the job done if that's what you really want.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:03, Reply)

6/7 I'm getting worse
www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-22993251
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:59, Reply)

5/7
I'm annoyed because I had read one of the stories I got wrong. The one about the mexican mayor.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:05, Reply)

I got the girl guide one wrong
PS you have just given away one of the answers please edit it
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Done

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:20, Reply)

6/7 - the trick seems to be to always pick the most unlikely answer

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:19, Reply)

which one got you?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:20, Reply)

Dunno I've pretty much forgotten the whole thing now.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:24, Reply)

"Scratch That Itch with Gonz".
It'll basiclly be 24 hours of me hanging around with celebraties, politicians and porn stars, and my twist will be that if I get itchy, they'll give me a good scratch. I love a good scratch.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Gonz interviews doctors, researchers and sufferers of skin diseases

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:23, Reply)

"Ten Grand Nights, with Gonz".
I attempt to blow exactly £10k in one night out. People can have bets on how close I am. I'm not allowed to see any bills / recipits / prices in wherever I am at.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:15, Reply)

That's not s bad idea.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Gonz spends ten nights in The Grand Hotel, Eastbourne

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:23, Reply)

Roger Mellie had a good show idea.
Celebrity Shit in a Bucket.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:18, Reply)

"101 ways to kill Petre Andre, with gonz"
A 101-eppisode series in which I kill Peter Andre in more and more clever and devious ways.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Shit, don't have one for this
change the show name Gonz.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:24, Reply)

"Loose Women; with Gonz"
Basiclly I go on the Loose Women show.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Gonz interviews ladies with Crohns

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:24, Reply)

"Bollyoaks; with gonz".
It's like a cross between Hollyoaks and Bollywood.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:20, Reply)

Documentary series with examples of common British tree diseases

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Surely you should just call your programme "The Tube"
demoing instant self-build portable emergency toilets.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:35, Reply)

Nakkers should present supermarket sweep.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:43, Reply)

Neuf Red
Or "new thread" for those who don't speak the language.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:46, Reply)