b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Off Topic » Post 2017137 | Search
This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

« Go Back | Popular

I've had an interview, tell me your interview horror stories. Are you good under pressure or do you mumble and stare at your shoes?
alt: a parcel has arrived at reception for me, I have no idea what it might be, INTERNET SHOPPING WOES!?!

altalt: Harter's mum
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:38, 173 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
My girlfriend has an interview today, are you my girlfriend?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:38, Reply)
let's hope you haven't been giving her tips
now remember, YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT and THEY KNOW NOTHING
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:39, Reply)
i can be...for a price*


*bottle of pinot grigio and a 50% off meal at Bernie Inn
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Is a Bernie Inn even a thing?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)
it used to be

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
Had an interview going rather well, up until they asked me 'Why do you want to work here?'
Nothing. I had absolutely no answer to that, and it showed. Interview very quickly finished after that.

Fuck.

Alt: A bot dog.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:39, Reply)
did you wnat to work there?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Yep, was a decent pay rise with opportunities of progression

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
Should have went with that.
It's all about the money.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:11, Reply)
i am good at interviews
but i did have one horror where they asked me a technical question and i didn't understand a word. it was like a living nightmare.

alt: WHAT HAVE YOU ORDERED? i am waiting for my squash racquets with much glee.

altalt: eeeow.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)
I DON@T KNOW
my tie clip turned up do it can't be that...
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:41, Reply)
well, last time this happened to me, i thought, ooooh flowers or something exciting
it was a fucking box of files from a client. so don't cream your pants just yet.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:42, Reply)
my pants remain uncreamed
either way I'm in the wrong office, so it'll have to wait
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Last parcel i got, was a dvd I had won in some competition.
I couldn't actually remember entering it, but it made me do a little dance.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
i won a CD on atlantic 252 once
i had to ring in and recite that pepsi advert... lipsmackin' thirstquenchin' etc. crap competition fives.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Good God, open it man.
The internet is jizzing with anticipation.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:42, Reply)
wrong office, maybe tomorrow

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
Squash racquets?
why more than one? Or do you actually play already?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)
i bought one for my friend
hers is red and mine is blue. they didn't have any pink ones :(
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
Oh, man
Only you would buy a squash racquet based on colour.

You do know squash is quite painful and dangerous?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)
i was joking!
yes, i love squash, but haven't played for years. finally i have a friend who likes it too, so we're joining a club. i did my research on racquet weight, head size etc, don't you worry.

also, dude. the speed we're going to be playing it at? not so dangerous!
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:11, Reply)
I know more people with broken noses from squash than hockey.
100% of trufax.

Does it worry you that I genuinely thought you were serious about the colour thing?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)
no
because i did actually look to see if there was a colour option

if i got my nose squashed by a squash racquet, would i get a free nose job? i fucking hate my nose

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)
it's not usually the racquet
it's the court walls.

erm, dunno. If I had possessed breasts and a vagina all my facial resonctructive stuff would have been done NHS no question, so maybe. Fucking two-tier system innit?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)
that would assume running into the walls at high speed
i'm thinking more of standing on the T and expertly flicking the ball into the corner without breaking a sweat. we'll see.

tits and no-tits?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)
two-tit system.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)
You don't for one minute think she is actually going to play it do you?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)
of course i am
i love squash
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)
I stand corrected.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)
I had an interview once full of technical questions I didn't understand.
I left feeling really stupid. They phoned me the next day and offered me the job. I said "To be honest I thought I did badly, I couldn't answer the questions" They said "We already knew you could do the job from your CV so we made up technical questions with no answers, everyone else tried to lie, you were the only person who said "I don't know""
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)
I have a transparent face, always have, which makes lying and concealing my disdain for people almost impossible.
This means interviews are nigh on impossible for me.

Alt: I once lied and claimed a rave classisc 12"* hadn't been delivered because the sender charged me for recorded delivery and only used 2nd class regular. It's worth about £35. I do actually feel a bit guilty about this, hence it still being on my mind. Dishonesty isn't cool kids - THAT MEANS YOU HH, YOU SWEET-STEALING BASTARD.

*'She's Breaking Up' by Mickey Finn. To this day one of my best records.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjPK5KFxKR8
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)
another barrier you put between you and a new job
you need some sort of life coaching blud
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
I've had the fight knocked out of me to a certain extent :o(

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
would you cut your hair/shave your head again for a job?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Yes.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
i can't imagine it
but i guess you might have to for the city, it's so fucking square. greggs hat got told to get rid of his blond streaks.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
I'm way too old to start in the City.
By about 20 years.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)
not necessarily
a couple of my friends are recruiters, we should talk about exactly what you want, and then i'll chat to them. doesn't have to be city-city if you'd hate that, but always worth getting interview experience/chatting to a few people, i reckon.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
I would welcome any help I can get.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
gaz me exactly what you do and where you'd be willing to work, as i sort of understand it, but not v well
and i will chat to them!
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
ok

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:01, Reply)
gaz her lots of options once
rather than one option many many times yeah?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
:o(

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)
i will not be accepting
gigolo or morris dancer
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)
I can't help it if I'm a specialist!

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
and WHAT a specialist

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
I'm sorry, blond? Streaks?
christ on a bike
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
he dyed it all blond
and that got disciplined, so he changed it to blond streaks
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
That's our Reza!!!!

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
i fucking loved that
he is literally the gayest thing i've ever seen
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
I didn't know men dyed their hair...still you learn something everyday I suppose

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
most men don't

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
I get blond streaks from the sun.
But they all got cut off when I went to the barber's :(
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
how IS office-boy today?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)
Sick as a bloody dog.
Still at home.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)
please re-read my comment
then reply properly, when you have understood it
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
I understood and deflected.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
ahhhh the old kroney defence

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)
i did not understand

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
I WAS CALLING HIM GAY

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
i do not see how

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
sigh, ok
he was complaining about losing his luscious blond locks
i asked how officeBOY was, rather than officeGIRL
thereby calling him a flamer
because of the concern over the blond locks
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:10, Reply)
What's the obsession with ties?
Fucking hate the things.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
I like a good tie and pocket square combo

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
Or indeed wash it.
I cut very long hair for a job once, shortlist of two and I didn't get it the bastards.
I am thinking of a pub lunch.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
I can imagine
only you can make the changes in your life, no one will do it for you.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)
I know, I know.
I'm fucking institutionalised. You know, like Charles Manson.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
*punches on arm*
go get 'em champ
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
*goes and gets Sharon Tate*

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)
Isn't it a little late for him?
Ideally the subject should be removed from their family aged 4-6 and the coaching begin then.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
What the fuck.....just give up the lunch money or else

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
*openly disdainful face*

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
YM 's no June Whitfield, sirrah.
Verily, and thrice verily.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Odd's bodkins, methinks young Master Claypole here is right!

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Talking medievalish is the best thing to happen on OT for a long time.
Maybe it would pep up QOTW, before it dies on its arse.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
Just another feather in ye cappe of Sir Harltey de Hayre, kind Sherrif of ye hamlette of Nadding-ham.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)
Gadzooks!
and indeed huzzah.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)
You should go for this one.
www.northnorfolkdigital.org/jobs.php
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
Mrs Vagabond was made redundant last year, and really, REALLY wanted to turn up to an interview completely wasted.
Sadly being made redundant kind of hit the household finances like your mum does cake shops, so she couldn't afford to, but I loved the idea.

Alt: Crazy Cameras - had to get the bank - who got The Law - involved. Bastards. As one mate pointed out, he was surprised it wasn't spelt "Krazee".
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
I had a terrible interview a couple of years back
I was told it was for somebody with my skills looking to develop. Turns out it was for somebody significantly more advanced than I was at the time, they were looking for experience in areas I hadn't even been exposed to. I've never felt more embarrassed in my life.

I had a go at the recruitment consultant when he called up to ask how it went.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
I've been down that road.
I interviewed for effectively my boss's job somewhere else, by mistake.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:49, Reply)
A managerial job I could blag.
You can't bluff your way through a technical interview.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
when my brother was training as an accountant, one of his mates got sent somewhere
and it nearly killed him, the work was so impossible. transpired afterwards that they should have sent someone who was about 10 years qualified, not a trainee. that made me go cold; imagine turning up at an important client's office, and not. having. a. clue. what you were doing.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:52, Reply)
^ every meeting ever^

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
I have no interview woes, I'm normally headhunted and as such my air of confidence
Is akin to batfinks wings.

alt:alt: Mummy is lovely
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
she really is
Yeah I was approached for this role, it's much easier than looking yourself
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)
It helps put you in the driving seat, but why so many interviews?
I once had to do one of them Psychometric assessments WTF, It taken me five minutes and the report was about 40 pages long?????
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)
telephone, face to face then with my boss's boss...

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
In 2002 I was invited for an informal chat, the boss laid his cards on the table and told me they had a job opening
and threw a tempting figure at me, I didn't commit so a formal interview with him and the national operations director was arranged...cut a long story short they threw a generous offer at me but I declined as I was happy where I was This was then upped three times at an addition £3k a time....Worst fucking 6 months I ever did
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
CSB

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
I knew you would like it \o/

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
I did one of those once.
I refused the second interview.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)
I was once (a while ago) offered a job...
...on the condition that I wrote, longhand, a short 'introduction to my family'. Once i found out the company were going to send my handwriting sample to a graphologist* I politely refused.

*They might as well slaughter a chicken and look for portents in its entrails FFS. BTW this company was French - I'm told this happens a lot.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
lol.
I've caught myself covering my shopping lists from other shoppers to hide my shameful handwriting.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)
How do you perceive yourself, how do others see you?
40 fucking page report? ………REALLY?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
There's a lot of this about!
Last year between August and December I must've done 6-7 of these psychometric tests. They ranged from 15 questions to over 100 - each came out with a broadly similar 'profile' but TBH they could have been talking about anyone who does my kind of job.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)
Had an offer withdrawn with no explanation after a very long drawn-out interview process...
... which was a bit of a bugger. However, I got a better-paid job in a more interesting industry with better perks a couple of months later so swings & roundabouts.
Alt: I'm still getting internet shopping delivered here for someone who left two years ago.
Altalt: Who?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:48, Reply)
did you leave the interview half way through at 5pm?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Of course...
Doesn't everyone?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
'do you have any questions you'd like to ask us?'


'Yes, how much are you paying me for this interview and can I claim the bus fare back?'
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
I always (with one notable exception) get travel costs paid

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)
"Who should my union rep contact with regards to any strike actions that may occur?"

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
'I starting putting my donkey-jacket on at 4:55 - not 5. Not 4:57 . UNDERSTOOD?
If I am still on the premises at 5:01 I believe that I will turn to stone'
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)
Something something DIGNITY

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:04, Reply)
Deacon Blue's less...zzzzzzzz

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
i get my vendor's fucking massive cheques
it hurts to forward them on sometimes
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:56, Reply)
How many chocolate bars do you buy from the machine in a day????

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)
huh?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
How could you not get this?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:11, Reply)
you're implying i would buy chocolate from a machine
that is what hotel chocolat is for, darling
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)
You just bulk buy as he's filling it up then
AMIRITE
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
no
i don't like common stuff like you
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)
haha ^UPSET^

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

heque ock
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)
Also
ward ce

and

o i

Let's do this properly, lokers.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
oh, badger
always with the rapey bum mallards
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)
Last job I went for, the opening question boiled down to "Why should we hire you, rather than the guy we saw this morning who's younger and more qualified?"
It went downhill from there.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
'b-b....b..b..b-because I'm desperate?'

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
Experience counts for nowt when there's minimum wage involved.
And it's not 'experience', it's 'age', granddad.

said the interviewer, who looked young enough to be my son.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)
Academic job interviews are a bit challenging
because every single person on the panel will have their own, different, agenda, and all will have a say in whether you get the job or not. Which makes it impossible to predict what will interest them all. Add to it the healthy dose of rampant paranoia that exists in most senior academics and, frankly, it's almost not worth trying at all, as being good usually scares them.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)
don't you just quote extensively from their last article/book
and delay your inclination to tear it to shreds until AFTER you've signed the contract?
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)
You flatter them by making sure you know their stuff, yeah.
But most unis get round that now by never telling you who will be interviewing you, and you can't read the most recent work of several hundred academics beforehand.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)
Im not too bad as long as its a chatty one.
Those Apprentice style formal ones across a table are horrendous.
"Give an example of when you excelled yourself/ Worked well under pressure/ Blah blah".

I always fluster through those even though I think of answers beforehand.

Im always buying cheap cd's on Amazon when pissed and forget about it when they arrive. Always shite ones too.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)
I last worked well under pressure when your mum was on top
textbook answer
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
You marking your own work now, badge?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)
always, tangles. always.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)
alright Chuts?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)
Aye canny, cheers Monters.
You?

bloody busy here so have to pop on as and when
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)
Interviewed for a Seasonnaires job in France
I was one of about 5 who turned up suited and booted for the interview.

Half the people who weren't wearing suits hated us for showing them up, half of them were laughing at us for being dicks.

Got the job though, and it was a lovely suit.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)
A seasonal Legionnaire?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)
hello stranger

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)
I'm horrendous at interviews and things like that.
Even if I know I could do the job with my eyes closed, the whole process of being judged like that takes me right back to childhood bullying woes.

Having said that, I'm not intimidated by talking to MDs or other Head Office bigwigs.

/more weird than most people

Alt: The last thing I bought on the internet was in the Steam summer sale. Portal & Portal 2 for under a fiver.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)
Did you have to join both the portals together to fit?

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)
I got Civ 5 Gods and Kings for £2.50 and the Witcher 2 for less than £4

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)
HIV moar like

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:38, Reply)
I'm holding out for a massive discount on Sims or something.
I've got the base game and a few expansions physically, but you can't mix and match them with the download expansions. I don't want to use Origin though, because I've heard horrific things about that and they don't seem to have such good sales.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)
You'll be lucky, sims is a consistant seller so they won't generally flash sale it.
But you never know.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)
I know.
I'll keep checking though.

I'm not really a High End Gamer, more of a 'play something until it gets boring/difficult', so I don't like spending too much on games. Especially not games I don't already *know* I love.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)
RollerCoaster Tycoon 3: Platinum is on flash sale now, that's sim like.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)
I saw that.
I had the original game (RT3) and hardly ever played it, so it's probably not wporth it to me, even at the low price it is at the minute.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)
I had a very good interview last Wednesday.
Still didn't get the job. Had a shit telephone one last Monday, not helped by the fact that it was a shit line, the woman interviewing me had a very heavy accent and I could barely make out what she said half the time.
(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)
You'll probably get that one then.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)
Nope.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)
: (

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:50, Reply)
It was a shit job anyway, doing Work Programme stuff.

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)
I done a new thread1

(, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)

« Go Back | Reply To This »

Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1