Time for a new one?
If you won the £1m on the lotto this friday, how would you life change / what would you do with the cash?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:26, 159 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i'd buy a new tshirt i reckon
and a pair of jeans, i'd like some new jeans.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Afternoon Monty

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)

I'd buy as many guitars as possible before Mrs Hats realised we'd won

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:30, Reply)

i asked you a question young man.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)

wait, i saw the answer,
so work are paying for you to go all bupa and shit? nice,
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

yeah
I can get the family covered by it too, for about 45 quid a month.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)

sweet,
i've got some sort of health insurane, but i have literally no idea what it covers or how it works.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

I get it through work, but I'm far too much of a hand-wringing lefty to ever use it.
Pretty sure I have to pay more tax because of it and all :(
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)

YM ha ha

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

In the short term it wouldn't change at all.
I'd put the capital into the highest interest account I could find and get the interest paid somewhere else. I'd use that to overpay on the mortgage I'll be taking out with my inheritance. From there on in, I'd use the interest to start saving for another deposit from whence I'd become a slum landlord just like Nakers.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

I wonder what the interest is on a million

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)

At 5% about 50 grand a year.

( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Nice

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Buy myself a cracking set of norks and titfuck myself til my willy fell off

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:35, Reply)

\o/

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)

This to win.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

Excellent idea

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

Baggies lenders.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

I'd take out a couple of thosand just to jizz into for a laugh.
Then I'd buy something with the jizzy notes, and laugh at the povvo on the til.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

YM.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Wasn't there a BBC article a bit ago saying £1m isn't enough to give up work etc, it's more like £5m you need now?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)

I think they said you need £10m to be a 'millionare'.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)

millionarent

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

No that's a Tenmillionaire

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Partly correct
While you could give up work, you'd still have to live to a budget. To live like a millionaire having wild parties and burning money to light your cigars etc. would take considerably more capital.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)

This
You could live off the interest reasonably comfortably (depending on location)but to do the whole yacht and jetset you would need a lot more...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:15, Reply)

If so, I'd agree.
I don't even do the lollery, and I slip into the fantasy.

"I'm a humble man, so call it £5m. I'd pay off my mortgage, sort out my family and friends, and then I've always wanted to ... call it £10m, right - I'd sort out my family and friends and stuff, then I've always ... right ... call it £15m ... " - before I know it I've blown the GDP of a small African nation and I haven't even built my pool room yet.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)

Pay all debts off
Get extension built
Buy new car
Holiday
Trust funds for kids
Wine cellar
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Yeah yeah Fritzl
Of course it will be for wine
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)

Howay pet cum into my gooordi sex dungeon

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Pay off house.
Rent out house. Buy 5 flats in Leeds city centre and a couple in Aberdeen.

Change name to 'Albert Marshmallow'.

PROFIT.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

\o/

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Holiday
Debts

Everything else can wait.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Would you even be able to pay off your debt?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)

i'd take my family away for a week
then boot them home and take my best friends for the second week

then i'd buy another flat and let it out

dad told me last night he wants to sell our family house to free up some cash before IHT kicks in. at the risk of sounding horrifically ungrateful, i'd a billion times rather keep the house with all its memories and fuck the IHT. urgh.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)

he could take out a whole of life policy for the expected IHT bill and index the sum assured.
Innit.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)

there's already some trust in place
i don't do tax. i think the real reason he thinks he rattles in it a bit, and he thinks his ghastly golddigging "girlfriend" will move in with him if he isn't in my mother's house. i am all of teh depressed now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:50, Reply)

he should go and see an IFA.
We have a few hundred. Would you like some contact details?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)

thanks v much mein lieb, but... he is one!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)

He's hardly independent of himself now, is he?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)

no, but he knows the shit
he was a director in a bank for 40 years and is now a non-exec director in a different bank. it's annoying for me that he's always right about money. i never ever win.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:58, Reply)

which National/ Network is he with?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)

no real names on the internet!
in truth i wouldn't have a clue. he is self-employed these days, does a lot of financial advice for companies/individuals.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:00, Reply)

he'll be with a National or Network for his Compliance shit.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

Up to him, innit.
He can't hold his own life back hanging onto the past because his kids don't want to let go. If you can afford to buy the house then fair enough.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)

i get that, i just hate it
and it gets used to the last inch when my brother and kids are up - i don't think he's thought that bit through, as they just won't be able to come and stay if he crams himself into some shitty bungalow.

it's the bitch of doom that's gotten me all fuming.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)

I'm sure he has thought that bit through.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)

I'm almost certain it was at the very forefront of his mind.

( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:00, Reply)

you may well have a point
but this way he'll get stuck with the ghastly woman's ghastly crotchfruit - her 40 year old son still lives with her!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:00, Reply)

Wait, I missed the 'bitch of doom' bit
Do you have an evil stepmother, swipe?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)

There's a lot of us about.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Fucking hell.
These days, living at home at 30 is undesirable, but understandable in certain circumstances. Living at home at 40 means you've failed at life.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:06, Reply)

Not really much point in moving out by then.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)

I reckon inheritance tax is a bit of a bitch.
If you do well or yourself, do the right thing and live sensibly, then they take a load of it away from you.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)

i agree
income tax, fine. capital gains tax, fine. vat, fine. etc etc. but inheritance tax feels like a bit of a fuckeroo. you've lost a parent, now pay us for the pleasure.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)

And then they leave you in a position where you have to sell up personal belongings to pay the bill.
I wonder if you could legally marry your dad, and then get a widower's thinggy with it too?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:01, Reply)

Alright Jeremy Irons

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

My auntie used to babysit him
More TH-Facts later, Hat Fans!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)

It's the little snippets like this that keep us regular fans coming back for more.
Thanks TH!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:29, Reply)

IHT is easy to avoid though.
It's pretty much a voluntary tax.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:01, Reply)

I would burn it in the name of art

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)

I would burn it in the name of philistinism

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)

Wouldn't it be better to convert it into wacky baccy and then burn it?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)

'Wacky baccy' FFS Harters

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)

I don't really know alot about drugs

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:56, Reply)

also, does anyone want a kitten?
my friend just found some baby abandoned kittenses in her office :((
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)

kind of wishing hh's post wasn't right above this
it looks a bit heartless in the context of poor mummy-less kittens
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)

I could burn the kitten as well

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)

I would but I'm never in and there's often nobody at the flat.
It wouldn't be fair.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:51, Reply)

Mrs V and I have been trying for a dog for years, but have the same reason for not doing so.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)

Try turning her over?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

Tips hat, well played

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:28, Reply)

i agree
it would be different for an older cat that sleeps a lot, but not a young one. these pics are divine, you'd flip over them.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)

I'd better not see them, I'll go all weak and mushy.

( Kroney, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:07, Reply)

Drown it in order to preserve our disappearing birds

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)

i've been thoroughly overexcited by all the wild parrots in west london this summer
then someone pointed out they kill off local birds by nicking their nests.

however, local birds in london = magpies and pigeons, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)

Yeah, they're not the ones they are killing off.
They are the only ones you see because the smaller birds are being killed off.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:58, Reply)

i know sparrows are massively declining :(
but the parrots are CUTE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)

It's probably more down to domestic cats than parrots.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:01, Reply)

Yes!
New neighbour "kindly" took in an intact male tabby so give it six months and the cat/bird ratio in the locality will have reversed. Pass me a rifle.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:26, Reply)

they roost on my building, fucking loads of the blighters

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:41, Reply)

And bats

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:29, Reply)

I'd spend it all on scratchcards.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)

Hide it so my soon to be ex wife couldn't get her hands on any of it.
Then put it in to property, via a Ltd co as Rory suggests.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

Does she still read b3ta?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)

I don't care if she does.
She met some b3tans a few weeks ago. Monty, Lusty & Lighty.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:11, Reply)

If that doesn't put her off, nothing will.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Innit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Your IFA would advise you differently.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Put it into trust for micro.
Wife shouldn't be able to touch it then, either.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

A percentage of shares in the company would be out in to trust for micro.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:16, Reply)

Isn't his wife not touching it why they're divorcing in the first place?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:24, Reply)

ZING

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:31, Reply)

WTF???
www.bradford.co.uk/product_info.php/info/p3635_-Prince-of-Cambridge--Commemorative-Baby-Doll.html/XTCsid/a0fec537b6e20078b7dce11374664760
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:28, Reply)

that is very creepy

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:30, Reply)

Awww cute and tasteful
It'll go great with my one of these: www.bradford.co.uk/product_info.php/info/p2857_-Princess-Catherine-Porcelain-Bride-Doll-.html/XTCsid/a0fec537b6e20078b7dce11374664760
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:30, Reply)

I'll be honest though, this isn't really used for display purposes
www.bradford.co.uk/product_info.php/info/p3458_-Pippa-Middleton-Royal-Maid-Of-Honour--Doll.html/XTCsid/a0fec537b6e20078b7dce11374664760
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:32, Reply)

Hahaha

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:35, Reply)

you like to arse fuck yourself with a pippa middleton shaped dildo while wanking over a video of Diana's funeral?
you make me sick
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:40, Reply)

Its what she would have wanted

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:41, Reply)

like a spunk squirt in the wind

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:42, Reply)

I certainly do

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:44, Reply)

Don't be disgusting!
This one goes up my arse.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:48, Reply)

Is this figging?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:49, Reply)

You want me to bring you some 'figgy pudding'?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:50, Reply)

i figgied your mum's pudding last night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:52, Reply)

that cording work must chaff a little

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:50, Reply)

Yeah baby!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:51, Reply)

I won £1m on the lottery.
Gaz me your bank details and I'll send you some.
Yours very sincerely,
Lord Ohmebellyaches,
Kenya.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:32, Reply)

Don't mess with my shtick
Badmons Dukaz
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:38, Reply)

3/7 :(
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-23426626
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:42, Reply)

5! \o/

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:09, Reply)

I'd buy one of those ludicrous low rider cars
and personally pay off all my creditors in cash from bags in the back of the car, whilst doing that deranged 'bouncing up and down in your car' thing you see in West Coast rap videos.

I would also force them to listen to a specially-composed rap which I would perform, in a weird high voice.

Then I would do a poo on the floor in front of them and shout 'LOL'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:53, Reply)

hahahaha

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:54, Reply)

You "performance artist" people really are tedious.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:55, Reply)

Fucking yurt prick

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:55, Reply)

I tried to hire one of those once
I thought it would be funny, then found out that you didn't even get to drive it.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:11, Reply)

I'd pay for you to have your guts replaced with copper pipes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:54, Reply)

BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:55, Reply)

wot?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:58, Reply)

He lusts after
3 old ladies
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Yeah
YM, YGM, and YGGM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:59, Reply)

what's that got to do with copper pipes?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:59, Reply)

It's what he calls his penis

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:01, Reply)

Or.....
Its in my top ten bingo numbers
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:00, Reply)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:59, Reply)

i don't know what this is
looks shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:00, Reply)

Were you raised on a fucking farm or something?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:00, Reply)

says sportsCOW
it looks like something from the 70's; I wasn't alive in the 70's which is good because I didn't have to deal with that shit and I wasn't nonced by someone from the BBC
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:03, Reply)

Needs MOAR blue rinse

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:00, Reply)

it has a bellend for a head

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:03, Reply)

It's what TuiB is in training for

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:04, Reply)

N00 fred

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 14:09, Reply)