Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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......and then you'll never guess what happenedTell me a tale of high-jinks and shenannigans
Alt:
Make one up
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:48,
232 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
i was looking at loads of pld photos when clearing stuff out at homemy friends used to be cool. now some of them are still cool. but the rest are all wrist deep in shitty nappies and think 9.30 is a late night. getting older sucks.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:52,
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I am not, nor ever have been cool(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:53,
Reply)
i go to nice placesand the bouncers normally let us skip the queue. and i'm a nice person with lots of friends. i think that makes me cool-ish.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:54,
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if you were cool you wouldn't feel the need to mention any of that(
Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:55,
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i didn't feel the needi was making polite conversation. like a grown-up.
you could try it, or you could just stick your head back in the truth fairy's pants and eat fish and chips out of them!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:57,
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you are him or you sound like himit's not a good look
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:00,
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i can see why people pick on youbut im a bigger man so ill let you be, you're alright you are *punches shoulder*
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:02,
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Make up your mind, he was Rory last time he annoyed you(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:01,
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they're all the samelike all men.
ALL. THE. SAME.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:02,
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No, bouncers let you skip the queue due to your bouncers(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:55,
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I get better with age, like a fine wine or mouldy stilton(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:57,
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i fucking love a nice stilton the more offensive the better.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:57,
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It was an offensive Stilton(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:00,
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i shouldn't be hungry really, after going out for dinner last nightbut i could murder a nice tangy buttery stilton on cracked black pepper biscuits or jalapeno cheese wafers
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:01,
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Plain crackers for cheese, you oaf.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:02,
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fuck off is itplain crackers are the vanilla ice cream of the cheese world
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:03,
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Leaving aside the fact that vanilla is the best flavour of ice cream, crackers are merely the medium for transferring cheese into your mouth* Why would you want to overpower the flavour of good cheese with flavoured crackers?
*A bit like pcc
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:08,
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it doesn't overpower itit ENHANCES it
philistine!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:12,
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Can someone please explain to rach about cheese?And also, while you're at it, what philistine means.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:17,
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vanilla ice cream and plain crackers are just boringempty calories. i bet you like fucking WAFERS too. WAFERS.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:21,
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INORITEMy pie was fucking excellent
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:03,
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After fighting for a while Bromhead was fucking livid the Zulus had come back in greater numbers to finish the job. He thought they were taking the piss, until Ardendorff pointed out they were *actually* being saluted as 'fellow braves', meanwhile Chard was combing his luxurious sideburns and looking all sultry having experienced his first combat. The end.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:53,
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it's finally happenedyou've wanked yourself insane.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:54,
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i'm not even going to pretend to understand this one(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:57,
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I like this new acronym(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:59,
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I'm sure you'll use it alot when you work it out mate. (
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:01,
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I'll guess at:you had psycho chomp cum in your mouth
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:01,
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you have put chompys cock in your mouthI thought.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:02,
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*looks round nervously*Who told you that?!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:03,
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I went with 'You Had Psycho Chomps Cock In Your Mouth' but either works. Which is good.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:04,
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it only applies to swipe and the last word is "mouth"does that help?
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:01,
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Actually it may apply to The Baroness as wellnot bad company.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:02,
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He's an internet Lothario and no mistake(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:04,
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Barry 5am kitchen floor thief lols. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:54,
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YeahI met him a few times for a couple of beers and he was an entertaining chap
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:01,
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I met him a couple of times. Entertaining isn't a word I would use to describe him. Vain & dull tbh. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:02,
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It isn't an exclusive club around here. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:06,
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Hey!I'm not vain
I probably thought this post was about me
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:08,
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He did indeedbut didn't talk about it in the pub
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:12,
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He was named after Sportscalf 2 as well, IIRC.Coincidence?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:14,
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Everyone on here is called thatEven you
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:24,
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it was nice to have someone to talk to about sunglasses that's for sureToday i am wearing black "Police" sunglasses, in a squared off aviator style
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:00,
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"... and when they came back down stairs he'd found it and was eating it!"I was quite pleased that, after returning from a trip to Merka and detailing my travels to the family, my nephew told his class proudly in a presentation that the Hoover Dam was constructed of old vacuum cleaners.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:56,
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I like thisMy mate Dan taught his nephew that the real name for a hedgehog was "Marti Pellow" and to be terrified of cheese slices
"No Uncle Daniel, NOT THE CHEESE!"
Top Uncling
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:57,
Reply)
HahahahahahaThat is top uncling.
I've now got to the point where it's impossible to tell them anything serious, as they look at me sideways. This worries me, as both my sisters have a crap taste in music and their children need guidance.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:04,
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I have taught micro to say my Volvo is a Lamborghini (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:04,
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Racist.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:06,
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And when I opened my eyes my mum had left a cup of tea next to my bed!!!11!!!(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:58,
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I've been lied tooI was told all these internet memes weren't actually true, well I just came back from a trip where I woke up in a flat with the walls covered in swastika flags, met one of the seven dwarfs, grumpy I think, had a guy come up to me and say bonjour, j'mappelle kroney, do you like my cardigan? Then had pizza with ginger northerner who sucked me off behind the bins!
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Peej, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 9:59,
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oh manand i was just going to say that you were much cooler and better looking in real life.
then you went and called me a grumpy dwarf...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:00,
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AwwwwwYou mean you were going to tell yet more lies on the internet?
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Peej, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:13,
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nah, i actually thought you were quite a good looking blokei was most disappointed, i was expecting a pixie
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:19,
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It's all trooo.Apart from the pizza and the bins. There weren't enough time for that when I was down.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:07,
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right, so im getting a free meal on the company dime next weekbut its at a beefeater and i ent been there before. whats good there?
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:06,
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i dont really like steaksi find them too chewy
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:07,
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you are buying the wrong steak and having it badly cookedhth
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:09,
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i suspected this was the case but its never interested me enough to pay loads to find out a way of having it cooked that i like(
Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:11,
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fair enough, but a good steak with good Bearnaise sauce is one of life's greatest pleasures+ french fries and watercress
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:12,
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how should i ask for it then?EDIT: par exampler: medium rare, bloody as hell etc
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:14,
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How would you like yer steak, sir?Politely please????
i swear down man you are some kinda flucken eejit sometimes tangs
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:17,
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Sometimes?That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:23,
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i like you tangs, youre a funny guythats why im gonna kill you last
/predator
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:25,
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this^I'd personally have it rare but medium-rare is a good start for a decent steak
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:17,
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fab cocktailsseriously tasty side dishes, starters, lovely risotto, best chips south of watford, and puddings like warm peanut butter chocolate chunk shortbread with salty caramel ice cream.
and the hottest barmen in london.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:23,
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steak advice from you?id rather go leather jacket shopping with chompy
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:22,
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She's right about Hawksmoor though.EPIC cow. Although there's a place up here that is maybe marginally better and a lot cheaper. But, y'know, you'd have to get to Edinburgh.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:25,
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I took my dad and his missus therebone marrow starter was a bit disappointing but the mains were fantastic.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:38,
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There are a couple - Shebeen and Wildfire - I really ratebut specifically I was thinking about Kyloe.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:16,
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or bone marrow gravy(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:15,
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maybe they do fish & chipsanyone know their stance on sachets?
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:06,
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hahaha!oh man, i dun an actual lol thanks man
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:09,
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Pretty much nothing, I think.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:07,
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oh manwell its free so i carnt complain. well, i can, cos i quite like complaining
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Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:08,
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don't have the peasthey are always massive and really dry inside in these places
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:09,
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I'll be honest Reg, I don't think I've ever even been to a BeefeaterI could be doing them a terrible disservice.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:10,
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I think if we look at the probability of that we can with some confidence dismiss the claim(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:11,
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top scienceing there.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:13,
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*awards self North Eastern science award*the Nurble Prize fur science
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:18,
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gin is flocken rank man whats wrong with you gaybos?(
Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:11,
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you are buying the wrong gin and having it badly cookedhth
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:12,
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it stinks of old women playing bingo with their flippen rouge-tinted death vibes(
Reginald Donkeyfuck, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:14,
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no wai man, it's the trendiest drink aroundyou have to drink small volume pop up artisan gin though, flavored with mustaches and irony.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:15,
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I ended up with a bottle of "Hoxton Gin"a few weeks ago. Fucking hell, I'm amazed the thing didn't turn up on a fixie and insist on wearing a scarf indoors, it was that pathetically hipster. Coconut and Grapefruit as botanics? fuck off you pricks, I want to drink Gin, not some kind of high-strength Malibu.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:17,
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methinks the lady doth protesteth too much(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:18,
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Steady on petalI'm happy with you believing I'm catastrophically bent if it helps you sleep at night, but that Hoxton Gin shite really is odd and I'm not taking that kind of insinuation lightly, oh no.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:20,
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your hands are on your hips right now, aren't they girlfriend?(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:23,
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not quite.close.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:25,
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I would LOVE to drink high strength Malibu.But then, I'm a girl.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:18,
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buy some Hoxton gin thenalthough, given the stuff's about 30 sheets a bottle, you'd be better off mixing Malibu and Vodka.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:20,
Reply)
They had that shit at a gin parlour I went to in Birmingham, served with pineapple crisps.I didn't have it.
I did, however, have a delicious Bulgarian gin, with juniper as its only botanical.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:35,
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"and that, darling, is what really happened""Clive, that's plot of the Fellowship of the Ring. What actually happened?"
"I lost a bet in a dockside bar and had to fellate a monkey"
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:09,
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"I volunteered to be the cum sponge in a Soho fetish club"(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:11,
Reply)
A friend of ours is a steward at this event every year:http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2435175/Benazir-Bhuttos-8million-Surrey-mansion-secret-location-sex-parties.html
He is insanely proud of being hated my the mail.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
He really shouldn't beas the Mail basically hates everyone and everything. Including itself.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:14,
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He has some excellent stories.None of which I'm allowed to repeat : (
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:16,
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Do they involve cum-splattered politician's wives?I always thought Sam Cam looked like a bukakke kinda girl.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:23,
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Nah. She was definitely DVDADO.Probably QO thinking about the size of her gob.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:26,
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Is this some kind of Scrabble finishing move?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:28,
Reply)
Scrabble would be more fun with Mortal Combat style fatality moves/high end gaming
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:30,
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The alleged "holy grail" of extreme gonzo pornography.Double vaginal, double anal, double oral.
I'm sure you can work out the QO.
/Trey Parker and Matt Stone's band is called "DVDA" for that reason. They were once asked on some kid's show in the US to explain the name, it's one of the funniest pieces of panicked backpedalling I think I've ever come across. They went for "an experiemental new DVD format" in the end.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:31,
Reply)
quadruple oral.Jesus, sporters. have you caught TB this morning?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:35,
Reply)
I'm pretty sure DVDADO isn't possiblewhat with the difficulties of trying to arrange 14 legs and whatnot.
I was merely using the medium of extreme porn to point out that Cherie has a massive fuckin gob.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:41,
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where's your sense of adventure and ambition badger!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:47,
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if only the badger cull had been more brutal(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:38,
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spunking on her would be like playing that game at the fair where you squirt water into a clowns mouth to inflate a balloon(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:27,
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It's what Benazir Bhutto was fighting for (
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:15,
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BUTTO more like?!AMIRITE?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:24,
Reply)
This wasn't a "what did you do last night" thread(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
This wasn't a "what did you do last night" thread (
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:13,
Reply)
Your mum had Darth Foxtrot cum in her mouth?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:15,
Reply)
why is it that you can say, "big, red bus"but
"red, big bus" sounds wrong?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:21,
Reply)
Oh, sick burn.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:17,
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I'm hot like lava, sipping on some cava,bitches wanna take me home and lick my guava
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:25,
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"Drugs are for mugs, mugs are for tea, I like tea, so drugs are for me"(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:37,
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what rhymes with hug me?go on and drug me
if you get sleepy
i won't get creepy
man i hate these blurred lines...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:42,
Reply)
he was on Radio 1 this morning, he was quite amusing(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:44,
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What on earth are you doing listening to Radio 1, old man?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:46,
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R4 were banging on about e books V real booksso I flicked channels, anyway I'm on ly 1 year over their target market
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:48,
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I'm mildly suspicious of anyone past about 22 who still listens to radio 1.\ac
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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:53,
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what can I say I'm a multi facted manI like 70's rock and modern dubstep and everything in between
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:56,
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So do I, however the daytime presenters make me want to hurt people.I'd listen to 6 music but I'm not forking out for a digital radio for my motor.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:03,
Reply)
I heard that when you lose a bit of reception it cuts out completely (
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:05,
Reply)
It burbles for a bit.But essentially yes, it's either listenable or it isn't.
DAB on the whole is a pretty shit technology.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:08,
Reply)
it's doesn't seem to have resonated with people really(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:10,
Reply)
I really didn't think it would be that painful, or that much of a drop, but that's how it goes.
Alt: LIES? ON THE INTERNET???? well i never.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 10:51,
Reply)
yes and no.you?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:01,
Reply)
Bored bored boredneed to finish my handover notes today.
Any more permanent work on the horizon?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:01,
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Forget the handover notes, start a new thread.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:02,
Reply)
well, a guy was supposed to ring me yesterday,but never did, trying to decide when best to ring him and see what's going on.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:06,
Reply)
i'll do it right now.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:08,
Reply)
he's off sick.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:10,
Reply)
well at least you know he wasn't avoiding you(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:11,
Reply)
Unless he is pretending to be off sick in order to avoid him(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:12,
Reply)
because he's embarrassed for you at how unlikely he is to ever consider you for employment.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:13,
Reply)
well, yes, these are all important points.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Oct 2013, 11:14,
Reply)
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