b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Off Topic » Post 2117990 | Search
This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

« Go Back | Popular

I am a bad father.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:11, 185 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
LOL

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:11, Reply)
You are fast becoming one of the finest gentleman I have encountered.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:12, Reply)
^gay^

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:27, Reply)
DONT BE JELLY BROSKI

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:15, Reply)
*standing ovation*

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:28, Reply)
Well if it's good enough for the Duke of Edinburgh....

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)
excellent work Boyce.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)
This'll sort that Merkel woman out.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)
*standingly ovates*

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)
*ovulates

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)
Shut up and get my breakfast, woman.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:07, Reply)
hahaha genius

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)
Haha!!!!
Best start to a friday evah!

That was more satisfying than the Facebook cull I had this morning.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)
It is important to teach your kids about history.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:16, Reply)
Teach your chilxren well...and let them know you love them. Class song.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:21, Reply)
which song are you thinking of?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)
Crosby Stills and Nash. Lovely track.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)
Thought so. It is lovely.
but at the risk of sounding like an utterly pedantic cunt, isn't the lyric "... and know they love you" ... that being kinda the point of the meaning?
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:37, Reply)
I stand corrected.I shall delete my a\c forthwith.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:39, Reply)
Don't forget to kill yourself first.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Oh yeah.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
haha.
I might be wrong about the meaning. I always thought that the premise was "bring your kids up right. you will never understand what they do. Don't ask, because the answer will break your heart. But always know that they love you"
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)
Hippy.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
Innit, though?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:47, Reply)
I always thought it meant 'steal from your parents and spend the money on drugs'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:43, Reply)
That too, natch.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:46, Reply)
this will come back to haunt you when mini-badger starts dating...

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:53, Reply)
will it fuck
she's going sapphic or nowt.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)
you wait
you'll have to be polite to the pimply faced little nerd that you don't trust an inch because you KNOW that all you thought about at that age was how to get into her knickers.

and then you'll remember the chilling truth... GIRLS ARE EVEN WORSE!
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)
Nowadays they are!
Oestrogen fuelled slags trying for baby entrapment
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)
Has somebody been reading the Daily Mail again?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)
I don't remember that story...
They are trying to insinuate that all middle class ethnic Londoner's talk like Ali G today though.

Top journalism.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:11, Reply)
"I've got to put me grandad's sossigis on the boil."

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)
At 4:30am I was a bad father
After 4 hours over trying to get my daughter to sleep I told her she had to go to hospital or sleep

She chose sleep
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:23, Reply)
That's top parenting.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:28, Reply)
Had to be done
I've had about 10 hours sleep in total this week
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)
fucking hell, sporters. how old is that calf?
have I got this to look forward to? I thought we were past that :(
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:32, Reply)
She is 7 in January
I could quite literally have cried last night - I am soooooo tired
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:32, Reply)
^ GAY ^

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)
So you're saying I need to spend 6 years building up sleep?
got it.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)
Good luck with that

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:35, Reply)
I'm applying gin in a calpol-dose-based regieme.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:38, Reply)
tggi^

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:39, Reply)
It starts again round age 9 if mine are anything to go by

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)
joy

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)
I'm pretty sure this isn't the norm.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)
No, calf 2 sleeps a lot better

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)
Some kids are just bastards.
Some Most
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)
They all do it at some point
lack of sleep leads to tiredness leads to tantrums, usually

this can happen to the kids, as well.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)
Spare the rod, lokesy...

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Yup
but a combination of rod and reward is best
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:43, Reply)
Kinky.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:45, Reply)
A combination of rod stewart and who?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:53, Reply)
The Teardrop Explodes, obviously.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)
^ this has no chance of popular page but is an A1 tip-top post for which I warmly congratulate you

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)
There won't be any room once your pic gets on there anyway...!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)
and theres today's earworm

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)
Yeah I've had the riff stuck in my head since Lokesy posted that.
Not the rest of the song, oh no. Just the riff, over and over again.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)
The ending is a wonderful example of how to split a high note on a trumpet

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)
Little tangle has just started learning to play the trumpet
I'm hoping he might be the next Louis Armstrong or Miles Davis.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:21, Reply)
Much better that than a violin or something
You can get up to "playing a tune" stage quite quickly on a trumpet, on a scratchbox it takes months and months to stop it sounding like someone torturing a cat.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
i was like that for a while
i've always been a v light sleeper/needed hardly any sleep. must have driven my parents crackers. i went through a stage where i was terrified of being the only one awake in the house, which meant of course that i couldn't sleep for teh fear.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)
No wonder your old man was keen to buy you a house at the other end of the country.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)
this thought has occurred to me on several occasions, yes
as a really tiny swipe, i used to wake up in the middle of the night, and bellow out nursery rhymes in my then yorkshire accent. i was too stupid to realise i could get out of bed (bonus) but that meant one parent had to get in with me, to shut me up. my mum said that on the occasions when she sent my dad, inevitably there would be shouting and a slammed bedroom door about 30 mins later, and then i would be sobbing on the landing.

i have every sympathy with him. i would have kicked myself down the stairs.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)
Can't you just lock them in a room, remove any sharp or potentially harmful objects and put in some earplugs and sleep?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)
and what?!!!!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)
Oh, sleep
She is high maintenance to say the least. Fucking terrified of everything - dark, closed doors, etc.

You get the picture...
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
God I hate kids, don't you?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
Today, yes
She was inconsolable this morning until she'd had some breakfast then amazingly cured
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:44, Reply)
Attention seeking
They do it all the time. Controlled crying works for some but needs a lot of time to do it, not fun.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:46, Reply)
maybe you ought to have had a child that was less of a fucking wimp?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:44, Reply)
HA!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:47, Reply)
tggi^

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)
People in druid robes and owl masks...the list goes on.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:45, Reply)
I bet you wish you never hired Bartleby as a babysitter

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:47, Reply)
"Something was wrong with the kids, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it..."

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)

on in
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)
officelol

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)
This works on my dog.
They're basically like really hairy kids.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:45, Reply)
With more amusing genitals.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Right, can everyone fuck off back to mumsnet now?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:47, Reply)
Well, tangles,
if you all insist on having children, it's bound to come up in converstaion eventually.
All the people i know that have started having kids just fucking love to tell me about how awesome their kids are.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)
Other peoples kids are INSANELY boring.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)
My own kids only really have fairly limited appeal to me and mrs tangle.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)
Some kids are alright, I'm related to a few who are okay in small doses. Its the parents banging on about them like they're the first people in the world to have children that I hate.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Oh God yeah, parents are really shit.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)
mine is shit.
she couldn't even sit up and hold her dolly in both hands this morning. Which lying fuck told me the female ones could multitask?
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)
Are you getting too aroused at all the kid chat?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)
Not really, I rely heavily on visual stimuli
If people were to post pictures of their sexy kids it might be different.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)
Gaz me, yeah?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:53, Reply)
Didn't that site crash over a nob cleaning jug or summat?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)
Penis beaker
So her other half could wash his knob after sex while she hogs the bathroom scrubbing her mimsy with a brush.
Must have thrush at the least, or a real bad dose of self-loathing.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)
Or a rusty garage

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)
I done this
www.penisbeaker.com
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Nicking this.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)
Sold any yet?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)
Nah', I don't expect too.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Gonz was on this in a flash
www.penisbeaker.com

EDIT - I suppose I should really say NSFW, if you work for the fucking Lutharians or sutin
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)
I dislike children
I had to go down to the festering shit hole that is London yesterday and on the train back up North there was 2 of the most irritating middle class children and their mother. I could have strangled the little cunts...
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:53, Reply)
Then what would Nakers have done?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:55, Reply)
YM

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)
Will I have to call him 'Uncle Aloysius'?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)
Aloysius?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)
It was the first posh boy name I thought of.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)
I think of Nakers as being more of a Giles
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2026465
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm sure it would be pretty hard for you to be anything else, given what an abject cunt you are.
HTH

In other news, morning, tosspots. Why is everyone talking about demon spawn?
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)
Because they are all raging paedophiles.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)
I'm not.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)
You're not raging?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)
Lazy lob at best, I would imagine.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)
I'll defer to your experience of the older gentleman here.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)
Can't get me box of Viagra open.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)
Ask a child.
They've got smaller fingers. More dextrous.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)
It's just you and me edj.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:00, Reply)
^ GROOMING ^

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)
I'm fond of the elderly.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)
Me too!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)
Aw.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)
Someone's in a good mood...

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Anyway back to why Monty is a bad father...
His hairstyle I think, must ne a hoot at parents' evening.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)
If you have a son called Luke...........





Something something forest moon of Endor
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:03, Reply)
Leia-ve it

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)
urrrrgh fire drill! what's the point?!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)
Is this code for you having your hair done?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)
So you know what to do in the event of a real fire, you fucking retard.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)
A drill isn't much use for putting out a fire though

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)
I don't suppose they expect staff to extinguish flames do they?
I survived the 'Folkestone Earthquake' mate, I know what I'm talking about.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)
YOU!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Me?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:12, Reply)
Fucking fb has obviously reset my security after the last update!
Totally rejecting you though soz
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:20, Reply)
Despite now knowing what you look like, and your name obviously, I couldn't find you on Facebook.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:21, Reply)
I can gaz you a link

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)
If you wouldn't mind awfully.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)
I'm back on lock down I think

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)
You can usually bypass those security privacy things on a mobile or 'handheld device'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
I don't think I trust Facebook anymore

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
I can see that from your 'status update'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
I can see why stalkers do it now
It's quite exciting.
I might add your wife next.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
It *is* good seeing more about these peoples lives innit? Fascinating really.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)
OK Sen-Dogg

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:43, Reply)
*insaneinthebrains*

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)
The question still remains as to who you messaged last night? Or was that bullshit?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
It was you
Maybe your security settings don't allow unsolicited messages from non-friends?
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
I think most people know to leave the building

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Even women? Ich don't think so!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Damn right
I've seen women going back for their handbags against the flow of people on a fire escape and all sorts.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:12, Reply)
You have to look co-ordinated when burning to death

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)
Until I zoom it in rn looks much like mm on my phone
which gave your post a whole new meaning
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)
When I bum a woman to death, I demand she looks her best.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)
tggi^

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Making sure everyone knows what to do if there's a fire?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)
youre so cool the fire'd be all like 'whoah, nice shoes femfonzie, i'll just go around you, don't mind me'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Bonus half hour break, obv.
/placids
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Hah!
'Working' from home* today. Enjoy your day in the office.

*Faffing about on the computer, pub lunch - on expenses natch - and trawling porn sites all afternoon.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:22, Reply)
How do you troll a porn site?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
I think Captain Boring means 'trawling'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
Every Tuesday they test the fire alarms here.
Every Tuesday it still shits me right up.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)
this^
11am
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)
same here
It's really fucken loud.

Awright Gormo?
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Alright.
Most of the CD's I ordered on an Amazon binge have turned up, which is nice.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Those ones who dressed their kids up as the Peru drug mules win parents of the year Im afraid.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:12, Reply)
When micro is older I will dress her as Churchill & the two of them can have a fight.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:21, Reply)
Oh yes

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
Alright Sporters? I am at the soft play centre again.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Nice one
I've worked a few mornings from there on their free wifi

I am hanging today
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
I can get away with a coffee but that's about it as she wants me climbing all over the fucking place with her.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)
Luckily you can get into the play area easily

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)
Least you won't be cracking your head on every cross-beam

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Unfortunately wrong.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)
My two disappear in and return every 20 mins for a juice
Usefully I live about 200 yards away from one
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)
Not 200 yards away from the juice

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)
Only a 10 minute drive for me.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Is micro a bit on the chunky and bald side?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)
Is she called al?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)
nah, that's swipe

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
Nope, but she does love a cigar.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
If they are both about 18/19 I might be interested in taking a look.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
+ they have cute little feet

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
No. Not this. Too far man, too far.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)
at age 19.
You paedoflid.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Nah, just the feet thing man.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)
New thread.
I have got a new thread and it is new.
Come and post your new thoughts in my new thread.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 10:50, Reply)

« Go Back | Reply To This »

Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1