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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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quit the fucken naval gazing you bunch of fannies
are you the kinda cunt that goes too far? like, say, you carnt back down from a dare or find the prospect of turning down a *whisper it* double-dare akin to sacrificing your firstborn/lunchtime slice of cayke [DELETE AS APPLICABLE] ?

Dare another baytan to do something. Go on, I fucken double-dare you.

Alt: Say its cold in the smoke and I have to take a jacket to the baysh would i need to tie it round my waist for fear of sneaky cockerney dodger pearly baytan cunts nicking it?

Altalt: Whats the dodgiest or most pointless thing in your wallet/handbag?
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:12, 184 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
I double donkey dare everyone to reveal something about themselves that they have not mentioned before
Alt:
Yes, I'd padlock it to your ear, just to be sure

AltAlt:
Various coffee shop loyalty cards that I constantly forget about
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:13, Reply)
you first

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I have no middle name
I am 6' 1" (probably mentioned that before)
My mortgages are [REDACTED]
I missed my Barclaycard payment yesterday
I have size 11 feet
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)
My middle name is Nicholas.
I claim to be 5'8" but I'm probably 5'7.1/2"
My mortgage is £32k
I wear size 11 trainers and boots, size 12 'proper' shoes.
I have lived four different places in Folkestone, but only in two roads.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:20, Reply)
I need to get some new work boots

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)
I only really wear boots. I require the additional ankle support.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
I dont own any shoes
only boots and trainers
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
I have one pair of shoes for when idiots either get married or die.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)

idiots either get married or die. Dubya does another press conference
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)
hahaha!
You's on fiyahh today Reg
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)
I almost missed that, nice!

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

I have a middle name
I am also 6'1"
My mortgage has not been redacted
I have never owned a credit card
I have size 10 feet
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
I'm not sure how this information will save off topic

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
So, you have girls feet. I see.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
If you've been seeing girls with size 10 feet, I suspect they may not always have been girls
cf. swipe
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)
I suppose you're right in that sense. Perhaps I just meant 'bent' or 'effeminate' as 10's aren't like, y'know, manly.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:09, Reply)
Whereas being shorter than swipe is?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
MY FEET ARE A SIZE 6 or 7 AT THE MOST
WHICH IS AVERAGE FOR A WOMAN OF 5'7".
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Dozer says can you post a pic of your feet so he can check.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)
urrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
his foot fetish is disturbing
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Well, I am, err, wait.... no, maybe not. Some other time. I'll think of something else.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)
i live in england

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)
woah

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Careful mate, don't give out too much personal info.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
took me ages to hit post there m8, proper sweaty palm time

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)
It's okay, I won't use it against you. I already know you're Rory.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)
cheers rory, youre a good egg

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I'm confused now

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)
Reg thinks I'm Rory, I suspect he is. It's a stalemate.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)

+claims to
+ claim to

just adding an extra layer of uncertainty since they can't both be true.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:55, Reply)
We are gonna find out on Sat down Knightsbridge Maccy D's.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:57, Reply)
nah, Axe in Shoreditch, i ent gonna be near kensington

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
*tittybarlols*

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
hey, 'Bill Clay' arranged it, not me

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:26, Reply)
So you're mugging me off? Well thank you very much.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:08, Reply)
make it dirty burger in Vauxhall and yer on

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)
I have a nose piercing.
Does that count?
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:57, Reply)
No. Soz.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)
Oh well.
Guess I have most things here then.
Oh! I colour coded my filing system! There.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
my god, I just realised how sad I am...

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:26, Reply)
I came very close to shagging Roald Dahl's daughter
I'm somewhere between 5'10 and 5'11, depending on the phase of the moon.
My mortgage is terrifyingly huge.
I have size 9 feet, which now appear delicate and petite by comparison.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
which one? I'm guessing not Olivia...
cos she died from measles as a kid...
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Well, duh
As a gentleman I probably shouldn't commment further.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
yes, i am impulsive and not very good at saying no
i dare you to kiss me, you fool

alt: you ain't going to no bash. stop messing with us.

altalt: christ, could be anything in there. probably old receipts.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)
ill take a picture of an action figure outside your office with a copy of saturdays paper to prove it if you like
or you could just come to the baysh
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)
where do you work? fleet street wasnt it?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)
just for the record
i ent planning on crashing your workplace in my ballon hat to draw cocks on your little cubicle im just trying to prove that im not the kinda cunt that says hes gonna be somewhere and then fucken doesnt
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)
nah
i fell over on fleet street. you're getting confused.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)
ah
has it been blue-plaqued? imma take some flowers
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
nah
there's a crater in the road
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:28, Reply)
It's not cold in the smoke - even for us southern pooftahs.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)
I don't use a wallet, just carry my bank card & cash. I don't have any credit cards; if I don't have the money, I don't buy it.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)
Where do you put them though?
If I put them in my jeans, I'd end up snapping them
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
Front pocket of my jeans or inside pocket of my jacket.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
dont use so much starch then hth

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
You got a smirk

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
nah, I quit in 2000

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
burning up the board today Reg

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:56, Reply)
Why the deletion Vagabond?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)
'cos it was crap

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:59, Reply)
I don't need a wallet as I ain't got no money.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)
*accompanies on harmonica*

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)
No, she left of her own accord.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)

of in
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)
I got kicked out of a City pub for openly fingering some lass.
It was 3 in the afternoon.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)
I shagged a bird down an alleyway while waiting for a pizza to be cooked.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)

pizza to be cooked n egg to boil
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)
It could happen.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Runny white time

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)
I got binned from two nightclubs for the same

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I got caught fucking my girlfriend on her doorstep by her dad.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Well done

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)
Monty's job isn't near the city though.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)
well that's an image i neither needed nor wanted
thanks love x
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)
this one time, at band camp.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
(S)he had the afternoon off

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)
I am shy and lack confidence with women.
I am actually kind of a wallflower, I just act the Big Man on here because it's the Internet and anonymous.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
^ghey

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)
I asked out the current Mrs Kroney via email, which read
"Do you maybe think that going for a drink with me might possibly be something you might want to do, some time?"

She fucking jumped at it.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:47, Reply)
smooth

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Her response was "Hahahaha. Sure."
Or words to that effect.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:49, Reply)
I told her not to talk with her mouth full of spunk.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:53, Reply)
At least you can't stammer in an email.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Classic flangehounding!
You knew EXACTLY what you were doing, player.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:49, Reply)
well yeah
he'd slept with half her colleagues by then, the RAGING SLUT
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:57, Reply)
It's lies like this that could give a man an undeserved reputation :(

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:58, Reply)
I'm gonna gaz him for tips as I respect and admire that sort of thing.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:58, Reply)
are there any women where you work?
this could be a life changing decision for you
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:04, Reply)
Nah, only fellas.
Anyway I wouldn't want one I had to see all the fucking time anyway. Boring innit.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)
so why are you pestering kroney for tips on boning colleagues?
it's like you made a sleazy throwaway comment without thinking it through.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:09, Reply)
I just meant boning in general. I think you knew this and are trying to be difficult and funny.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
She is neither of those things.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
i don't know why i missed you :(

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
I can see she ain't funny, you'll have to let me know on being 'easy'

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
but you have a soggy cock that doesn't work

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
I dunno why you are so bothered by this.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)
it just seems to be a crime against nature

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
It is. But it's also none of your business.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:19, Reply)
yes it is
you share your cock with us, that makes it our business
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:19, Reply)
I share my cock with anyone.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:21, Reply)
FINE, bring it round tonight and i'll have a look for you

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Rory's right about your morals.
Or lack thereof.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:31, Reply)
i'm not being serious
i would never sleep with either of you losers
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:33, Reply)
Just suck their cocks in a doorway?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)
we'd been going out for 3 years by that point!
it wasn't our fault there were no nightbuses, we were poor horny students...
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
What about Reg?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)
i thought you were reg

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
even swipe thinks you're rory, doc

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
You appear to have pulled a stunner
r d
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:47, Reply)
He said he'd never tell :(

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Are you kidding? Stunned has got 'kiss and tell' written all over his face.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:49, Reply)
I'm just a fool for a looming lummox of a Jew with a cowlick.
It's a weakness.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:50, Reply)
He is pretty dreamy*


*For a one-legged alcoholic
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:53, Reply)
*beats kroney off with a shitty stick*

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:54, Reply)
He fucking loves that

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:55, Reply)

with a shitty stick
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:56, Reply)
I dunno Reg, I do as you ask and share something and not even a sniff of a response.
Typical internet pricking from Reg, here.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:56, Reply)
what a caaaahnt.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
soz Joe as well you know internet pricking ent my modes operandy
but a cunts gotta earn a crust, keep the kids in ballon hats etc, etc

how are you?
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
These cunts are dragging my good name through the mud, accusing me of slut-horsery and whatnot.
Fucking appalling, Reg. Do you know a good solicitor? Frigging libellous, is what it is.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
nah, but i know a paralegal with balance issues

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:28, Reply)
It'll do.
Spin him round three times and send him over.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)
i thought swiper was a girl?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:33, Reply)
It's unclear whether he is pre- or post-op at the moment

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:33, Reply)
I always opt to take the physical challenge.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:47, Reply)
Oral sex up a tree. With someone else. It wasa.drunken walk home thru the park.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)
^this really happened.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:07, Reply)
i gave my boyfriend at university a suck job in the doorways of a very fancy shop on regent street once
so these things do happen...
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)
*paging rory*

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
yer
cos they'd let him near a fancy shop
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
It's okay, he's here under the guise of 'Reg'

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
You're all about class, aren't you?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
Ask her about the one on a building site.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
he was
the honourable oswald montmorency stjohn trumpington-dishwallah the third, he was.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
Tell us about the building site one.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)
ffs
don't fall for kroney's bollocks
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)
"fall" for his "bollocks"
*groo*
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Ask her how old he was.
LIBEL'S A TWO WAY STREET SWIPE
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)
It's only libel if it is untrue.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:17, Reply)
For the sake of diplomatic relations, I'm going to maintain that I said something libellous.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:21, Reply)
LIKE YOUR MUM'S BACK PASSAGE

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:19, Reply)
You've got bollocks all over your face.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:17, Reply)
sometimes this is true
i call it "friday night".
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Did you get some Friday?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:21, Reply)
actually yes, as it happens
but that wasn't the point of the joke
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:26, Reply)
Knowing you and the chap involved, I am in the throes of some epic squicking right now.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:28, Reply)
What the fuck is 'squicking'?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:31, Reply)
Something I saw on the internet once.
I understand it to be the strong feelings of revulsion you get shortly before vomiting.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:32, Reply)
he means squeaking
with jealousy
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:34, Reply)
He means spunking.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:40, Reply)

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=squicking

The practice one takes up when skullfucking becomes tedious. Skullfucking is the easiest of the two acts, as you only have to remove your partners eye to get somewhere to stick your thingy. A proper squicking requires you to trephine your partner (make a hole in your partners skull) and pork its brain this way. Aiming for the gap between the two hemispheres is said to provide you with firestorming orgasms.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:47, Reply)
Go, girl!

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)
that's what he said in the morning :(
(not really)
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:35, Reply)
He still had his ball gag in and could only make gubgubgub noises.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:47, Reply)
You weren't bad for a beginner.
Bit rude to spit though.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
did he manage to keep his tophat on and greet the kids at the same time?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:13, Reply)
it was 3am
your kids should be in bed by then
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:14, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_iRdgGZ6Xc
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:30, Reply)
edgy

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:32, Reply)
Me and the missus have a combined height of 12' 3".
FACT BOMB

I'm actually answering sporto's question in this thread, in case anybody's curious.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:42, Reply)
What a coincidence!
Me and the old feller have a combined waist of exactly the same length!
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:44, Reply)
When you put a tape measure around your waist, lift your tits up first.
That'll bring it down a bit.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:46, Reply)
I've only got two hands!

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:49, Reply)
Perhaps mr b3th could help you lift the other one then?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Although you'll still need a couple of friends to help with the tape measure

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Perhaps an industrial hoist?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:57, Reply)
i have an old condom in my wallet but i carnt get it out
its a bit of a stalemate
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:55, Reply)
wheres 1p at then?
i know Mince is mewling around shoreditch, sniffing forlornly with his hoover snout. someone go and buy him a cuppa, yeah?
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:58, Reply)
Nakers has a new job and has left 4EVA

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:59, Reply)
He truly was the best of us.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:01, Reply)
he was here last night

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:02, Reply)
Evening thread's don't count.
They're full of the worst of the losers and cripples.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:04, Reply)
And deleted.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:04, Reply)
cant say i knew the cunt very well myself but others are mourning/having a shit
i hereby double dare all lurkers to step up to the fucken plate and do your bit for bayta, cmon you fuckers i know youre out there
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:04, Reply)
I did.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:04, Reply)
^begging Chompy to come back.

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:04, Reply)
is chompy a lurker now?
you can go back? well i never
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:07, Reply)
Popular urban legend has it that occasionally people seeing Chompy's crying ghost wandering through the halls of OT
people say he's trying to do one last vanity search.

Apparently he also prank calls swipe in the wee small hours of the morning from various northern school staff rooms.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:10, Reply)
Are you Irish?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:05, Reply)
no, are you?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:06, Reply)
Hell no

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:10, Reply)
okay

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:11, Reply)
Thank god there are no Irish here

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:14, Reply)
FIRST LURKER TO START A NEW THREAD WINS A PRIZE*
*the respect of fellow baytans
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:09, Reply)

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