Freebies
Do you get "gifts" at work? Bottles of wine, football tickets, etc?

Best/worst gifts
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:06, 272 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

it's a good job you did this
I was going to ask something so dull that I deleted it before I fell asleep.

I get good gifts from clients, but under the bribery act, we have to report anything over a certain amount. I've had theatre tickets, champagne, chocolates and flowers in the past. and meals at fancy restaurants, which are always nice.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:08, Reply)

It's just that the sex afterwards is always depressing.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:11, Reply)

i wouldn't know
i'm always too drunk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:12, Reply)

+ to remember

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

i'll always remember the time we didn't meet up and have sex, sweetie

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:23, Reply)

haha, you only have to report them? and people wonder why the legal system is so fucking corrupt.
We can't accept anything worth over a tenner from anyone.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:14, Reply)

no, the stuff i get only has to be reported, because it's tres low value
nobody bothers to bribe litigators you see.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:18, Reply)

nobody bothers to bribe academics either
doesn't stop it being a disciplinary offence to accept anything.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:19, Reply)

presumably that's because you mark things like exams?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

well, yes. And choose who gets places on massively oversubscribed courses, etc
Obvs. But there's just as many opportunities to be morally unscrupulous as the result of a bribe in your line of work.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:23, Reply)

not really with what i do
referrals to clients yes, but 99% of my clients are big sophisticated corporate organisations; they already have advisers. other areas of law would have far more opportunity.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

ah, right you are.
It's pissing annoying from my point of view when, say, one of my PhD students gives me a christmas present and I have to give it back. With a PhD I can't influence anything as the examiners are independent, but them's the rules.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:36, Reply)

He should hand it in to the lost and found and say "I think this belongs to Professor Badger"

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:36, Reply)

I read litigators as alligators

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:28, Reply)

We can't accept personal gifts AT ALL..
…and any thing other than the odd box of chocs goes through the finance office.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

presumably that's because you hand out things like drugs?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Nothing to do with the legal system, it's the same here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:22, Reply)

That you have to report them
or that you can't have them?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:24, Reply)

So basically, it's just lawyers that are institutionally corrupt here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I suspect bankers too.
And financial advisors, judging by Dozer.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Cash from dodgy backhanders.
+ 48 bottles of 'premium' lager this morning.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:13, Reply)

no

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Dunno if it counts as a gift but shooting a band generally have a night on the lash with them.
Get freebies from camera and print companies occasionally.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I wish someone would fucking shoot Jedward.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:15, Reply)

I'm struggling to see how they could have any impact on your life

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:19, Reply)

he can't stop thinking about them at the vinegars

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

that's Busted using McFly as a cum-sponge
as you well know.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

Keep up, grandad
They've joined forces to become McBusted now.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Really?
fucking hell.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:25, Reply)

i was offered VIP tickets
i declined
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Do VIP tickets mean you get to watch the cum sponge action?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

i get to be the sponge!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:30, Reply)

e
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:31, Reply)

You know, there are probably of BusFly fans
that would pay for that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

they wanted to pay me
honestly
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I'll be honest here tangles. I've had no sleep and I was just desperately trawling my mind for a muscial combo that I don't like.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

bollocks
it's the vinegars thing
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

I'll do that as a freebie any time.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

At most places I've worked the policy that all the gifts were pooled, then raffled off for charity.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

We'll all get a decent bottle of red from our bosses bosses boss
Our bosses boss always pays the excess on our £10 a head Christmas lunch too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

That's nice dear.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:30, Reply)

I was making the point that we get next to fuck all

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I get the odd bottles of wine from suppliers occasionally, but that seems to be on the wane in recent years
Some cunts sent me a calendar once.
A fucking calendar!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

I got some salt. Yeah, salt.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:22, Reply)

one of my colleagues does a lot of work for a big haulage company
they send her a massive toy truck every year, they're actually really rather nice. we all secretly want to play with them.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:23, Reply)

about 7 years ago a supplier sent me and the other guys in IT those micro scooters. I still have it unopened in its box.
My kids don't want it. I can't decide whether it was a bad or good gift. I suppose me and the guys could have raced them up the corridors of the school I worked in at the time, but we didn't.
( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:25, Reply)

that's odd, my nieces and nephew LOVE their micro scooters
are they a bit too young for it still?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:27, Reply)

No they're just not pink and princessy enough

( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:32, Reply)

oh
now, where's badger. he will be able to tell you that this is entirely your fault, because you have indoctrinated them into liking pink princess things and children have no inherent tastes of their own...

*lights touch paper*

*retires*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Totes.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:37, Reply)

oh come on!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Devil's advocatting is no fun the second time around.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:39, Reply)

imma read this as
"my own daughter has proven me wrong and i am scoffing humble pie"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:41, Reply)

You won't.
My daughter has fairly little say in what she wears. So jeans and a tshirt.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Now the's 27 I really think you should give her more choice.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:53, Reply)

To be honest
First time wasn't so hot either
(The Devils Advocate Blahblahblahblahblah, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:51, Reply)

Nowt to do with me
Its all down to the mother and and mothers mother. Couple of wannabe disney princesses if I ever saw one.

I only play gender neutral games with them like "Wind up the child by calling it a slug until it cries" and "Pretend to be a lion/dinosaur/zombie attacking child until it wets itself"
( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:10, Reply)

My daughter has a toy monkey she takes to bed
I was tucking her in last night and asked "Have you got your monkey?"

"Yes Dad"

"I was talking to him" *points*

Dad 1 v 0 Kid
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:13, Reply)

We give out calendars each year
I was Miss October
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Cor

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Damn straight
I was also the centrefold for Temple Park leisure centre's bistro
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:32, Reply)

Sometimes the students buy me booze if I help them out
One PHd student lost her PHd and I managed to recover it, she offered me a blowjob in the toilets. I declined for three reasons, 1. She was Scottish, 2. She wasn't attractive and 3. She offered me blowjob in the toilets. Classy!

Best gift this year, a rather fine chateauneuf du pape from a rather attractive brunette whose laptop had been damaged in a car accident and I repaired it.

Worst, an 18p pack of midget gems to share amongst the office from our director who earns 65k +Bonus +Market Supplement.
( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:23, Reply)

Still, you know. It's a blowjob.
I thought you were struggling for those?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Aren't all married men?

( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Er, no.
Soz.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Beggers can't be choosers.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

I guess I've proven that wrong

( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Nope, not here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Not me either, I get at least two a day and 6 on the weekends

( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah, they do tend to ease off a bit once you've been married a couple of years

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:49, Reply)

This.
I can understand turning down a hand job...
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Perhaps I was being kind when I said she wasn't attractive
2. She didn't look like she was always a woman.
( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Then (s)he'll know what men like

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:35, Reply)

now i've got herman from family guy in my head
"i know what boys like"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:41, Reply)

She looked more like Herman from the Munsters

( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:46, Reply)

You don't look at the mantlepiece
when you've got your cock in the mantlepiece.

Oh, hang on.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:38, Reply)

You don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire
But sometimes you want to poke the mantelpiece as well...
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:48, Reply)

PruProtect gave us some pens
AXA gave us some cuddly zebras.

Bright Grey gave us some pens.

Etc etc.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:25, Reply)

I got a BBQ.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:27, Reply)

our stationery suppliers send us all sorts of shit and we tombola it
Providers need to be v v careful about giving us gifts, lest the FCA deem this to be exerting influence. Unbiased independent advice etc etc.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Yeah well I got 10 fleece jackets.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:30, Reply)

You were fleeced, mate

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:31, Reply)

They weren't even good ones.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

we got PENS

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:32, Reply)

+I

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Z NG

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

predictable

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Me & K m

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:53, Reply)

we glot PENS?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:40, Reply)

TGG

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:45, Reply)

+I

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:33, Reply)

MARR etc etc

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Z NG

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:38, Reply)

We all got a twenty quid gift card (for our own store, but still... twenty quid)
and they subsidised everyone's departmental xmas meal/night out.
And we get a bonus in the new year, so there's that.

You'd think the customers would be more grateful to the people handing out the drugs, but we get nothing but grumpiness and moaning from them. Bloody sick people. So selfish.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Try giving out the drugs FASTER, slowcoach.
And fucking smile whilst you do it.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:37, Reply)

^TGGI

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:40, Reply)

I might go and have a shit in a minute.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 10:59, Reply)

Take two minutes off and have a couple.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Not really, the sales people get incentives, fifty quid for most etc. ontop of their bonuses.
I get paid more and taken places with Management, so free grub I guess.
They are always very generous with free booze on work do's.

I'm very excited for Saturday
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:14, Reply)

What happens on Saturday?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:29, Reply)

He's getting bummed

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:33, Reply)

I'll bum you in a minute.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:37, Reply)

NO BACKDOOR DELIVERIES

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:41, Reply)

"Back Door Santa" is a song written by Clarence Carter and Marcus Daniel, and originally performed by Carter. It was released on a compilation album Soul Christmas in 1968. The track is in a 12-bar blues format. The lyrics are sexually suggestive, not having much to do with Christmas as a holiday.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:45, Reply)

They call me Back Door Santa
I make my runs about the break of day
They call me Back Door Santa
I make my runs about the break of day
I make all the little girls happy
While the boys are out to play

I ain't like the old Saint Nick
He don't come but once a year
I ain't like the old Saint Nick
He don't come but once a year
I come runnin' with my presents
Every time you call me dear

I keep some change in my pocket, in case the children are home
I give 'em a few pennies so that we can be alone
I leave the back door open so if anybody smells a mouse
And wouldn't old Santa be in trouble if there ain't no chimney in the house

They call me Back Door Santa
I make my runs about the break of day
I make all the little girls happy
While the boys are out to play

That's what they call me, Back Door Santa
That's what they call me
They call me Back Door Santa
That's what all the girls call me

I give 'em all little presents
That's what they call me
They call me Back Door Santa
And I like for them to call me that
They call me Back Door Santa
And I like it and I like it and I like it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:47, Reply)

\o/

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:48, Reply)

That's pretty sinister.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:49, Reply)

make all the little girls happy?
shame totp wasn't about in his day, he'd have been in his element
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:51, Reply)

wiki tells me that bon jovi did a cover of it
but it was subsequently replaced on later releases of the album. wonder why...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:52, Reply)

they give statutory rape a bad name

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:54, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:57, Reply)

I'm told that you're to blame...

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Nasty.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:55, Reply)

I most definitely wouldn't back door janet jackson

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:57, Reply)

Her balls would get in the way

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:58, Reply)

it's on youtube
i'm so going to watch that later for creep factor
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:59, Reply)

FOR THE IDIOTS WHO THINK THIS IS ABOUT ANAL SEX....moron ITS about CREEPING you Sad Sodomite! (SMDH)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:00, Reply)

TELL IT TO THE JUDGE!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:02, Reply)

this one?
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=creeping‎
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Which one?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:08, Reply)

number 6 is frankly frightening
To scan Facebook constantly, looking at everyone's profiles, interests, photos, etc. Often done on attractive people, or young boys in girls, and bets are placed as to who will grow up sexy.

Creeping is a common habit which is acceptable to a certain point....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:08, Reply)

They did that with the Olsen Twins

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:31, Reply)

They are zombies, right?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:32, Reply)

they are detective

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Works do innit

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:36, Reply)

Where are you going?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:46, Reply)

The Living Room. Got a room rented. Nice private bar etc.
Last years we went for food at Australasia, which was gorgeous. Then to some RnB club which I didn't really fancy.

free bar all night though :)
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:48, Reply)

We are going to some restaurant on Friday before drinking on Upper Street, but I keep forgetting the name
so am unable to look on the menu and decide what to eat before I go. This lack of preparation leads to poor choices usually.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:50, Reply)

you should be vegetarian
it narrows the choice, thus reducing this risk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:53, Reply)

Yeah okay, then I will give up the 'gay cigarette' too, and eventually I will have nothing in my life to enjoy.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:54, Reply)

YES!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:57, Reply)

Great

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 11:58, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2523175/E-cigarette-smokers-inhale-MORE-nicotine-toxins-regular-smokers-Study-finds-users-unknowingly-inhaling-host-dangerous-chemicals.html?ITO=bookmark-chromeext&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=bookmark-chromeext
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:01, Reply)

Remember what I said about you going on and on at me?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:01, Reply)

swap it for a spliff.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:02, Reply)

^^^

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:08, Reply)

no, i was too busy going on and on at you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:03, Reply)

Typical.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:03, Reply)

What toxins?
What a load of bollocks they didn't name a single thing other than nicotine.
( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:04, Reply)

it's the DM
it doesn't need sources or science
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:06, Reply)

It's almost like it's an under researched sensationalist story innit?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:07, Reply)

I don't smoke but I'm going out and I'm buying three ecigs to smoke at once because of this article!

( Peej, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Good. That's exactly what 'they' don't want you to do.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:16, Reply)

And rach could carry your balls in her new bag

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:01, Reply)

She will need a bigger bag.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:03, Reply)

Isn't it fun when you get on!?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:02, Reply)

She means well

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:02, Reply)

I certainly recommend regular exercise and cessation of tobacco, alcohol, sugary snacks, caffeine and meat
wake up every morning feeling invigorated and full of beans, no more peaks and troughs during the working day, high five your colleagues and react to every challenge with good humour and a positive outlook, and at about 4pm realise how crushingly dull you've become and seriously contemplate suicide that evening
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:05, Reply)

it won't make you live longer
but it will feel as if it has?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Mrs V was offered tickets to see Arcade Fire from a VIP box in Wembley - that was well lol.
The proles don't like it when you throw your champagne glasses at them, mind.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:04, Reply)

YESSSS
Free beer now!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:06, Reply)

*freebeerfives*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:07, Reply)

Today is getting better by the minute

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:08, Reply)

What beer? I got Peroni

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:09, Reply)

Dunno yet
Should I open it?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:12, Reply)

OF COURSE

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:12, Reply)

Wychwood Beers Of Character collection

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Any Hobgoblin?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:15, Reply)

I like hobgoblin
And Brewdog. The second best thing to come out of Aberdeenshire innit.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:16, Reply)

I wasn't talking to you.
But yes, Hobgoblin is a good ale. They have it in my local at the moment.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:18, Reply)

I also like Black Sheep

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I have enjoyed Seafarers recently.
+ LOLGAY ETC
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:19, Reply)

Leeds Pale is alright an' all, as is Jaipur

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Yep

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:17, Reply)

\o/

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:18, Reply)

There's tonight sorted

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:21, Reply)

My problem is, although I have been give ALOT of booze, I can't be bothered to train it all the way home.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:22, Reply)

I'm in the car today so that problem has been solved

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Park it all at 'er indoors

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:23, Reply)

cunning

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:24, Reply)

And she won't drink it because she's a mouth wrong and thinks beer is yucky.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:26, Reply)

YOU MEN ARE THE PLURAL OF GENIUS

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:27, Reply)

*trigger fingers*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:32, Reply)

*fingers trigger*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:32, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:34, Reply)

ORLY???????????

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:35, Reply)

What? Nothing.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:35, Reply)

I steal a fair bit of stuff.
I've got enough fuses to make some sort of hipster cunt sculpture.

Worst gift I ever got was a cock gaz.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:11, Reply)

soz, I thought you'd like it

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:12, Reply)

This is funny on 2 levels,
As you are a cock and have gazzed me.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:14, Reply)

'funny' is a strong word

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:15, Reply)

Yrah

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:16, Reply)

How are you doz?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:16, Reply)

alright ta
You?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:17, Reply)

Not bad,
Can't wait for Friday, got like 2 weeks off for Christmas for the first time since I was 18. It's gonna be awesome.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:20, Reply)

I still need to book my chrimmybobs hollipoos
I only have two days annual leave left :'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:22, Reply)

Do your family like to see you?
Maybe give them a nice present and volunteer to work over the holiday?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:25, Reply)

nah, they dig me innit windlez

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:29, Reply)

This means you will be on here more, yes?














I wont
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:33, Reply)

I do like a double edged sword.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:34, Reply)

...because your housing association 'studio flat' doesn't have broadband

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:35, Reply)

You're a bit of a snob when it comes to property aren't you?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:38, Reply)

It's because of his valuable house in a desirable area of York

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:40, Reply)

Nah I wasn't being sarcastic I've met dozer he's a nice guy it's just he seemz to share sRory's snobbery re social housing.
Just saying.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:44, Reply)

rory isn't shallow or snobby, BP
do get your facts correct
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:48, Reply)

I have no beef with social housing.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:56, Reply)

if you were buying an apartment in a new development that had a percentage of social housing
would you choose an apartment next door to the social housing properties, or at the other end of the development?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:57, Reply)

I wouldn't buy an apartment.
How common.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:59, Reply)

I wouldn't want to live near any sort of social housing
Imagine the crime and filth they would all produce
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:11, Reply)

discarded betting slips and lotto tickets, red top papers snapping in the wind, crushed lager cans and shaven-headed hourly waged workers wearing replica football tops
Nylon, despair and 'premium lager'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Exactly this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Rory is an equal opportunities cunt.
He will abuse you for SOMETHING, without fear or prejudice. He's just as happy to abuse GJ for his povvo bumsexualism as he is Swipe for her entitled Sloaney hetero sluttery.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:43, Reply)

it's actually a bedsit in Bell Farm

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:45, Reply)

See also: literature, music, whisky etc.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:41, Reply)

this is funny, coming from the biggest snob on off topic

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:49, Reply)

Yeah, but Batso's snobbery is the classic nouveau riche kind, where the price tag is everything.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:50, Reply)

quite

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:51, Reply)

it's just a bit of gentle teasing

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:44, Reply)

You'd love a bit of gentle teasing

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:50, Reply)

no matter how much he runs his hamster's twitching nose around his rusty balloon knot, it's just not the same

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:51, Reply)

You are Rory aicmfp.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:54, Reply)

That's the real Doozey, I've clicked on one so it comes up purple
Matron.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:56, Reply)

EVERYTHING.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:49, Reply)

Zzzzzzzz.
Actually, it's because I will be too busy having fun with real life people, instead of sneering over my sprouts on a messageboard.

I might pop on just to be social, though.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:49, Reply)

what?
So you won't be on here except for when you're on here?

On the plus side, Ringofyre should be off the step by Christmas, fingers crossed for another festive antipodean breakdown.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:54, Reply)

Accounts deleted innit

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:55, Reply)

woah
Both of them?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:56, Reply)

That was his first mistake...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:57, Reply)

so Fairholme no longer has Misery McUglywife or Sockpuppet?
What does he do with the additional 16 hours a day?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:58, Reply)

Stockpiles automatic weapons

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:09, Reply)

We got 5 quid knockex off a Rusholme buffet that cost about 50 quid.
Restaurant owned by bosse's bro in law. Tight cunts.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:34, Reply)

I walked through there drunk once with the aim of getting a kebab.
Too much choice made me picky and I left empty handed.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:51, Reply)

The buffet was made by proper brown gentlemen.
With beards and everything. Festive samosa ffs.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:57, Reply)

I hope they had a net round their beards.
Everything eaten with their hands.

savages.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:58, Reply)

I've seen your face

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 12:59, Reply)

I like my face :)

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:01, Reply)

I don't think you look like the fat gay from British bake off anymore

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:03, Reply)

\o/

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:07, Reply)

I think you look like max branning

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:08, Reply)

:( I don't know which is worse :(
I ent ginger!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:10, Reply)

HEs the only gay in the village
The Canal Street one. All the rest are imposters.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:07, Reply)

But he does look like a fat gay.
I've seen your face and all.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:08, Reply)

I'm not fat?
You must be a fucking rake then!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:11, Reply)

with a beard

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:16, Reply)

and a banjo

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:21, Reply)

I didn't go, as I disliked my boss, colleagues were meh, it was alcohol free and I thought they were taking the pizs

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:01, Reply)

I wouldn't have went either.
Alcohol free?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 17 Dec 2013, 13:11, Reply)