Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright OT?www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/edinburgh-sperm-whale-is-taken-to-landfill-9061091.html
What a dignified end...
What do you want to happen after you die? Funeral? Cremation? Sea burial?
Alt. Describe a perfect weekend away.
I'd love a nice forest cabin trip, but not driving makes it a nightmare to get to these things.
AltAlt. I upset a Sugababe on Twitter last night. She actually messaged me directly. Who was the last person (besides me) that you upset?
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:06,
205 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
Norse funeral for me please.Alt: I'd like a suprise weekend away at the end of February.
Altalt: I never upset anyone because I am nice.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:12,
Reply)
I wanted a Viking one.Set on fire on a raft covered in flowers and off to valhalla via the ocean
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:44,
Reply)
It doesn't matter what happens to anyone after their death, as long as the remains are dealt with hygienically.I generally upset OT by ... well ... existing.
Christ today's shit - can't wait for the weekend.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:12,
Reply)
Sea burial for me. There's only two places off the UK coast which are licensed to conduct them, so not much choice.Alt: Kirsten Dunst with a large bottle of baby oil in front of an open fire.
AltAlt: my ex wife probably.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:16,
Reply)
I cannot begin to list all the different sexual acts I'd like to share with her.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:50,
Reply)
being somewhat of a deviantI like her best as a redhead.
Dear OT I have a confession to make, I like gingers. I am sorry.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:52, Reply)
My missus is a redheadThey give me the bongle. It is my (not so) secret shame.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:00, Reply)
I see no shame in fancying ginger birdsIt's ginger blokes who are hideous.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:01,
Reply)
So am I normal then TanglesI am not so sure I mean everyone goes on about the ginge
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Oh no, this doesn't mean you are normal at allJust there are some hot ginges out there.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:05,
Reply)
I used to think of bad things to do to Ilsa FisherBut now she has been ruined by Sasha Baron Cohen... sad times
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Keep your hands off her, she's mine.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:08,
Reply)
You can have her,I couldn't bear the thought of stirring his porridge
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:12, Reply)
or just, y'know, being in the same room as her.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:59,
Reply)
I'd like to be stuffed and mounted in a sitting position on the sofa, as a permanent reminder to my family.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:17,
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Traditional New Orleans funeral.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:00,
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Should have sold it as meat.(
drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:19,
Reply)
Not after it's been rotting on a beach for a while.Fresh out the ocean or GTFO
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:45,
Reply)
altalt: did you call them 'the sugarbabe's' and she corrected you?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:23,
Reply)
Nope.She tweeted another member (who is obviously ignoring her) with overuse of !!!!!!!!!!!! So I said 'can't a girl sleep off a hangover?', to which she sent "A hang over for 2 weeks. Pls don't. Unless you have full facts"
Blobbing.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:48,
Reply)
How did you upset her then?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:56,
Reply)
Who knows, but she felt the need to DM me.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:00,
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^ obv Ill equipped to comment on it(
drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:12,
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Altalt: I upset my kids all the timeIt's one of the joys of being a parent.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:23,
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I would quite like to be made into a massive pieWith my cock and balls as the tiny decoration on the top.
Alt. I already live in a country idyll
altalt. Many people, normally when I realise that my mouth has said something vile and I am in the wrong company for it to be appreciated.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:27, Reply)
somone asked me yesterday if i had always had a sick sense of humour. i dont think i do.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:29,
Reply)
Thats the problem with having a sense of humourIf you can find humour in everything, is that sick? I don't think so.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:45, Reply)
want me to pat your purple head again?(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:01,
Reply)
This needs to be made into a telly programmeand an app developed for tech.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:48,
Reply)
I like the idea of sky burials, think it's the Buddhist thing.Chop you up, stick you out in the woods for the birds to eat
Sorted
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:48, Reply)
Not really a sky burial though is it, until you're shat out.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:49,
Reply)
Top of a mountain I think. Once your bones have been picked clean they bring your skeleton down, grind the bones up, add water to make a paste & then stick that on the top of the mountain. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:50,
Reply)
I took a leaf from your book and registered on Mumsnet.They kicked me off I think, can't find my post or log on. :(
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:57, Reply)
I got stepped but I'm allowed back now. They deleted my comments though. Re-register with a different email address.
EDIT: what did you post?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:58,
Reply)
That wasn't me unfortunately. I posted something about anal sex and thumbs accidentally slipping in.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:09, Reply)
Couldn't give a fuckThe cost of funerals and all the waaaaahing is a fucknig disgrace. £5 cardboard job then into a skip will do me fine
Alt:
No work, no phone, red wine, Kylie, wd40
AltAlt:
I upset most people fairly often. Probably my boss this morning for forgetting to add in 0.25 hours into a timesheet
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:51,
Reply)
You really like Kylie don't you?Did you watch her on The Voice?
Him from Kaiser Chiefs scrubs up well.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:02,
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She has filled me many tissues(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:10,
Reply)
alrightAlt: Sian Williams, a hotel room and a selection of heels by Vivienne Westwood.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 13:54, Reply)
It's an old /talk/4rthur thing.Used to be poster on there called Webclam(of 'podka dot' fame). A bit creepy, shortarsed, dodgy marriage - thing rapier Battered. Anyway, seemed harmless enough until the day that his flickr wankpile was discovered. It included pictures of other forum users' wives, girlfriends and their shoes. 'Chitty chatty?' was his invite to MSN to various lucky people.
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:26,
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I always get confused between the webclam/vodkacoke polka dot shamblesand the beckysjsbxwhatever vectored polka dot pants car crash.
It's all to confusing, AB.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:32,
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'all to confusing'?Oh, TMB.
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Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:34,
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I was typing fast, trying to get out of the door for a meetingsoz mate.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:02,
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WELL DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:03,
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I never could get those stains out of those old converse boots :((
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:50,
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"just when you thought that dude couldn't get any weirder"(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:44,
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I had to google her. I thought you meant that weather bird.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:03,
Reply)
She's still on the older side.You like a nice milf?
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:04,
Reply)
Have you noticed how milfs have started being younger than you?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:19,
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Dunno what that is, sounds wicked though (
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:52,
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To be fair, a lot are mums by 18 these days.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:37,
Reply)
My will already states that my body it to be left to medical science and that after they are done with it I don't care what they do.My meeting went great btw, thanks for asking.
My daughter is nearly 6 and has started asking uncomfortable questions about death. I have been honest with her though it sometimes upsets her as she doesn't want to die. However she told me the other day that when she dies she doesn't want to be put in the ground she wants to go on a big fire. I'm very proud of her.
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Peej, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:30,
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Cremation then.I might do that medical science thing. Doubt I will have anyone coughing up for a funeral so I'll only be taking up space.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:35,
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"Daddy, what happens when you die?""Well, little Snufflupagus, if you want to make Daddy proud, you'll die fighting to free glorious Kernow from our English oppressors. After you've fallen, you'll frolic with our ancient gods in a woodland fairy circle with all the sprites and elves"
"Daddy?"
"Yes, dear?"
"You're SUCH a cock."
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Kroney, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:39,
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A click, purely for SnufflupagusThe rest is pure class too
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:41,
Reply)
my 6 year old niece asked me some cracking questions at her baby cousin's christeninglook love, if your parents haven't told you about the whole god/church thing, I don't see why I have to do it...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:44,
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Well mine always asks church/god/religion questionsbecause I told her from a young age that it was all bollocks and now teachers are telling her its not.
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Peej, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:55,
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please tell me that everyone else reads burning as bumming(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:03,
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that's fine, as you and mrs library book can tell her whatever you likeI was terrified of saying the wrong thing.
it was bad enough when my nephew picked up the ipad after i'd searched for "dick in a box". he didn't know what a "dick" was.
so he googled it............................. then came up to me and said, "auntie swipe, there was a bad word on daddy's ipad!"
I think I convinced him that auto-correct sometimes puts silly things on there. meh, he lives in Essex, he'll find out soon enough.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:01,
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Why, is essex a hotbed of child buggery?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:04,
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i'll live forever, thxalt: it depends. with a group of mates, nice cottage/barn with a garden and pool. fri night in getting hammered; sat walk, pub lunch, go out clubbing, sun hangover bbq in the garden.
with a partner, reeeeeeally fancy hotel, fri night/sat morning don't leave the room. sat afternoon wander round, sat night dinner out.
altalt: i'm far too sweet. but I did have a lawyer on the other side accuse me of "dogged intransigence" recently. not my fault, the client simply would not compromise!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:41,
Reply)
MeI don't want to get old though. Why wouldn't you want to live forever, see new things, experience the future, its not like you would EVER get bored. I'm not saying immortal, just non aging.
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Peej, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:56,
Reply)
yesthe years from 70 upwards are probably not worth prolonging indefinitely, tbh
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:59,
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Watching this:www.imdb.com/title/tt0071361/
I'm not really following the story very well. Perhaps it's too high brow for someone like me.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 14:57,
Reply)
I watched 'The Help' last night.You lot would have thought it was a comedy.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:05,
Reply)
I just watched a film where a man's wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son left physically disabled. then in a twisted turn of events, his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled women.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:08,
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Fucking hell, Balamory has got dark.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:12,
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to establish that would have required me to pay attention whilst reading itwhich would mean I'd have to assume it was worth paying attention to.
Also, I'd have to have seen Finding Nemo.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:15,
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just because you have to put your finger under each word and mouth it to yourself(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:15,
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I can't be bothered to strikethrough thatbut let's pretend I did, because it's gold potential.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:19,
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Dr Kettle?I've got a Ms Pot on line 3. Something about the Black account?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:24,
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naked ape is Rorybaked ape is nakers.
Obviously.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:12,
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you don't need to know what she looks like (which i don't)to know that she's quite posh and blonde (which she undoubtedly is)
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:17,
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you say that about everyonethere is only one common thread...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:18,
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The Oxford bird took it up the shitter.Not only does she not have a cavernous vajoo, she doesn't *Crying Game spoiler*
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:37,
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Maybebut my wife has had two kids and her vadge isn't ruined.
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Peej, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:38,
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yeah yeahyou keep telling yourself that it's just the same as it was before she shat two enormous heads through it
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:46,
Reply)
Look if my cock is as tiny as you are suggesting it definitely wouldn't touch the sides after two kids.Supporting my original statement that naker's missus and you have massive cavernous fannies.
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Peej, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:48,
Reply)
To be fair if yours did touch the sides then your missus wouldn't always be on the phone to me asking me to see her right
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:49, Reply)
WHy would she fuck an internet weirdo when she's got the whole local rugby team to service her?(
Peej, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:54,
Reply)
mine's tighter than a 90 year old nun's, thank you very much(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:50,
Reply)
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:53,
Reply)
christwhat kind of fanny have you seen in your day??
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:54,
Reply)
He's not talking about the average fannyjust your barren wasteland of a fanny
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Peej, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:55,
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it's like a tiny, delicate silk and velvet pink purse(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 16:00,
Reply)
Woahyou're the one that's claiming structural knowledge of a 90 year old nun's snatch, sweetness. I'm just speculating.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 16:10,
Reply)
If I could somehow use a strikethrough to make 'speculating' sound like something you did with a speculum then this would be funny as fuck.But I can't.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 16:27, Reply)
It is.It's like prospecting, but with a speculum. In a vagina. Whilst not looking for gold. Except maybe in Essex vaginas.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 16:31,
Reply)
empty?has a handle?
goes "clang" when you drop it?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:21,
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Like a fucking cunting trooper, yes(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:27,
Reply)
STRIKETHROUGH "IMPORTANT" AND REPLACE WITH LOLARIOUS WORD OF CHOICE(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:21,
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NOR IS FUCKNUTgod, where's dozer when you need an irony check?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:25,
Reply)
You will find that to be humour. Unless you look it up in Websters where it is spelt humor. You will also find the words lolarious and fucknut in there.
(, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:26, Reply)
it's like having my own dictionary friend ONLINE(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Jan 2014, 15:37,
Reply)
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