Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Look, this is just bread and butter stuffif you want to get into the industry you're going to have to do this, everyone does it. I know Brad Pitt, would you like to meet him?
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Peej, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:21,
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I'd like to make the following statementAllegations which I strongly deny have been put to me by the police and to which I have given full and complete answers. I have fully cooperated and my conscience is clear. In time these allegations will be proven to be completely unfounded. My family are behind me during this difficult time.
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Peej, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:29,
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Why would you want Gonz? Do you want some revolting recipe to upset someone? Or advice on the best energy drinks to fuck your guts up?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:45,
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Bitch pleaseLike I don't have that shiz on lockdown.
No, I need him to bang on about MARTIN 32 FROM NORWICH etc
(, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:46, Reply)
You haven't been 32 for quite some time. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:48,
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I think seeing as MARTIN 32 CORNETTO ANALSEX FROM NORWICH won the moniesthat we shouldn't joke about his introduction.
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Peej, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:50,
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21/2bisexual blonde virgin twins/London baby(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:44,
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Peej, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:49,
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YM has a Megacliteen.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megaclite_(moon)
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:51,
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Some friends of mine named their son after one of the moons of Jupiter(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:52,
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Io IoIts off to work we go
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:06,
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That's the most sensible part of his name an' all(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:09,
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He's going to have a brilliant time at schoolEvery time he introduces himself he's going to sound like an autistic cat
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He'll save a fortune on washing his hair when he gets flushed every day at school(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:11,
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I think clean-bowl flushing might be too good for himI hope he likes the taste of poo. Then again he's never going to get past 9am without having his lunch money nicked so he might be grateful for the nutrition.
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Just in case the bullies didn't have enough ammunitionThey have had him doing modelling work as well
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:19,
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In all fairnessThat's where Arnold Rimmer was born. Or will be born, in the future. Or would have been born, in the future, if he was real.
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I would never name my kids after something so stupid as moonsMine are named after characters off the telly as well you know.
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Peej, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:24,
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Little S/2003 J12 will be so happy(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:07,
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No dear, Fibre optic.Everyone on Twitter have a look at the #AskDerekAcorah hashtag. I been lolling.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:51,
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Such as 'have you ever thought of making Derek Acorah's Chicken Pakoras'(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 8:55,
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I am now officelolling like a madman....."if a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take two monkeys to fuck a football?
(, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:01, Reply)
He hasn't answered any :( I think it stemmed from a different ask Derek. lulz.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:06,
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"Is it true that when your cock starts to feel like a big rubber eel, that's a Moray?"(, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:06, Reply)
Derek got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract. That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:14,
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have you ever stood on a moth (accidentally, of course) and then spent the rest of the evening headbutting light bulbs?(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:25,
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"There are heavy footsteps in my attic. Is a spectre, telepathic, descending just to spirit me away? Yaaaay? #AskDerekAcorah"
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:29,
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Well, phill, I'm 30 years old from North London, and I'm a ScorpiI have a bubbly outgoing personality and I'm looking for my Monika Lewinski. So if you think YOU have the presidential powers, give my cigar a try.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:02,
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Curvy = fatGreat personality = fat
Outgoing = Annoying and fat
etc
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Peej, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:19,
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fucking tube cunts one of the picket cunts tried to give me a leaflet. I showed him, in true Honda accord style.
I SNEERED at him. yeah.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:17,
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You should have taken it and wiped your arse with it then shoved it in his gob and kicked him in the nuts(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:19,
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I hope they achieve their aims(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:22,
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of causing huge amounts of pain to small businesses and making millions of people's lives a misery yep
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:23,
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All these small businesses and millions of people should rally behind them then(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:28,
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It would be better if we did away with people altogether(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:29,
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I wandered into work 40 minutes late after a nice morning stroll and a bacon roll. Strikes FTW(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:40,
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I can get anywhere in the city from my front door by foot inside half an hourThe sticks; small.
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25, male, MacclesfieldUgh, bad guts and bad chest this morning, had a coughing fit wake me up.
Ah well, cooking a chilli tonight, going to wash it down with one or two (or three or four) of these, which I've only recently starting drinking.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:49,
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Dysentey and the consumptionTypical povvo northern diseases
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:53,
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Haha yeah 'premium' beer(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:05,
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Cheap knock off Aldi lager? What a treat.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:14,
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It's cheap and tasty, who gives a shit?(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:22,
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It's horrid if you ask me. I'll buy ales from Aldi, but all that lager they have is the pits.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:30,
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Honestly, I'd say give this one a tryAt best, you've found another lager.
At worst, it's 95p.
Just stack up on some Fursty Ferret or Courage while you're in there!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:32,
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I've had a bottle of that, no good. Ferret is a nice drop though.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:33,
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Courage?I'm rather fond of the stuff.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:34,
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I'll grab a bottle next time I go in, Only ever had it on draught, and it was alright, but bottling can fuck a beer.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:40,
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It's more reliable in the bottle, but not as good as the pint can be, if you get me?I've had many excellent pints of Courage, but several fucking awful ones. Then again, it was served as cold as lager when it was bad, so that was probably why.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:44,
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Aldi have quite good deals on bottle ale(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:23,
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It's currently 95p for a 500 ml bottle in Tesco too(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:24,
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I have 'believe it or not I'm walking on air' as an ear worm:((((
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 9:52,
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you won't regret itand you just might learmn something
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:13,
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his guilty verdict makes me feel all warm adn fuzzy inside(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:08,
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this^Fucking SMUG CUNT that he is
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:09,
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I liked the parents of that fifteen year old who encouraged her to get nonced up so they could meet 'slebs.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:10,
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900/M/Jedi Heavenbecause my life is dull and movies are brilliant
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i find that 78% of FILMS are "fucking shit"(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:14,
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Just puts into context how awful Darth's life is.No wonder he needs such strong medication
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:17,
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Not that I'm seeing any fucking improvementAm sliiiiiiiightly concerned that if I decide the pills are a waste of time and stop taking them my brain will explode though
(, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:19, Reply)
have you considered taking dangerously more of themor mixing them with alcohol and/or methamphetamine?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:20,
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Ah you're about ready for the 'scour the internet for a more "natural" remedy' phaseGaz me when you're ready to part with some cash
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:24,
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Why do your friends hate their child? :(Somebody I know named their kid "Jamie" (not James, just the diminutive), which I thought was crass enough.
Fucking Io? I bet Peej is kicking himself that he didn't think of it first.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:29,
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I hate it when people's actual name is the diminutive version.And it turns out I'm one of those parent pricks who prefers to use their child's full name.
I can't explain my friends' behaviour, apart from the fact he is a massive sci-fi geek.
And that, up until this child was due, they were your archetypal DINKies, who were never going to ruin their lives with parasitical creatures. They only ever post pictures of their brat and its amazing achievements on facebook now.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:34,
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That's not very encouraging, I hope I don't turn into one of them.I really don't see why "my amazing genius kid managed to not piss in my eye when I changed his nappy. What a little Einstein!!!!" is so newsworthy, really.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:38,
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My name is (technically) a dimunitive version(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:56,
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Ah yeah, kind of.I'd let that one go, as they are related names.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:01,
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Glad to hear itI much prefer my name in relation to the full one.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:16,
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Not reallyLo isn't a film or a character from a film.
I have a friend who named their child Jack. I know that its normal these days to give people the given nmae Jack but I still think it should be John.
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Peej, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:34,
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Not Lo, Io.Eye-oh.
Should be Jonathan, not John. Although I suppose John's been a stand alone name for ten or so centuries, now. I guess I'll allow it.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:35,
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I bet he could name all the moons in fucking Star Wars though(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:39,
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Saturn, I think, has a moon called Phoebe.Though I would have chosen TITAN
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Kroney, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:42,
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It's about time we saw a return to pre-Norman invasion names.Proper ENGLISH names, like Æthelred, instead of all this French nonsense.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:38,
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Most poshos are descended from Frenchies(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:50,
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I hate to see you go tangles...but i love to watch you leave
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:56,
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19/f/brightonI'm a surf baby that takes no shit from any man. I drive an old VW beetle that my dad maintains for me and I live rock music like sum41 and limp bizkit, they're so edgy and modern. Also, I love my little pony and hate kittens.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:32,
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DONT BE HATIN' ON MY KITTENS(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:43,
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Commuters be trippin'"I had to wait 20 minutes to get on a bus and it's a 10 minute journey"
FUCKING WALK THEN YOU LAZY BITCH
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:38,
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Can you and swipe keep this to gaz please?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:39,
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Not commuters, Londoners
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:40,
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Not Londoners,People who work in London
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:41,
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Shall we settle on London Commuters then, End of argument. Let's make out.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:49,
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No, because I am one of them and I like the strikes and hope they go on longer.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:50,
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I hope they get resolved soon and amicably(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:51,
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I hope they fire everyone on the picket lines(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:52,
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It doesn't affect me in the slightest and I still hope they all get sacked and replaced with robotsand find it impossible to get other work and end up dying of malnutrition whilst their wives work the streets in an effort to stop the children going the same way as their father oh god I've got such a bongle.
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Kroney, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:09,
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I hope they go on longer and more frequently so I can continue being late for work.I'm going to get a later train from home tomorrow and blame 'those bastard unions'
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 10:52,
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But you're given ample warning of strikes to arrange other travel arrangements. So you can't blame the unions. It's your laziness making you late. If you were dedicated to this company you'd make an effort to be on time. I'm emailing HR.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:03,
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But the 05:58 is the earliest train! You know that!(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:08,
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You have a burd what lives in town.You could stay at hers. In the spare room.
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Chompy is in there tied to the bed surrounded by air freshners like the sloth dude from s7ven(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:11,
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I would suffer worse travel disruption from there silly(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:12,
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It takes less time to travel to work from the arse end of Kent than it does from WestKen?Bus? Bike? Taxi?
You know something? I don't think you actually want to go to work! What is wrong with you man?
(, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:15, Reply)
london fact: the more centrally you live, the longer it takes to get anywherebecause of fucking pleb people being in the way.
i really don't understand why the handwringers want to help people so much. people are AWFUL.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:28,
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Maybe we need to think about hiring a more geographically optimised team(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:10,
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Maybe you should have considered that when employing me.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:12,
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You don't tell me my hiring policy, you're on thin ice meatsnakeThin...
...ice
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:20,
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Yeah, well I'm fucking bored here anyway, let's see you try and get rid of me and I'll pull out all my 'unfair dismissal' experience.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:23,
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*accesses meatsnake's internet history** fires without warning or recompense*
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:37,
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There's a pic doing the rounds that looks like a zombie outbreak.It's people trying to get on replacement buses.
If folk knew about it why weren't they making alternative plans?
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:18,
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What plans would you suggest oh wise one?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:21,
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Taxi, bus routes, hire one of them bikes, walk, get a lift from a colleague.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:39,
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Join the picket line.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:45,
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There were loads of morons looking puzzled at closed stations this morning.Having said that, there aren't as many buses and taxis available as there are displaced commuters, I would assume, so queuing and disruption is inevitable.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:21,
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hmmm but like what?the taxis are fully booked. there is nowhere to park. you can walk some or all of it, but not everyone can do that. not everyone wants to or can ride a bike. etc.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:27,
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Time to lend your support to the RMT union and bring about some pressure on their employers to resolve this.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:31,
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it is difficult to take somebody seriously when they instantly start calling people names when something's said they don't like.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:36,
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that was the best piece of internet we've had in ages(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:37,
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b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2224709
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:40,
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fuck thati'd rather walk in every day than support people who think their jobs should be sacred. plus the people in the unions are so.......... grey and dirty and ugly. shudder.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:35,
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Excuses excuses.Please have your desk cleared out by 5pm.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:40,
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Nobody knew how to queue. They weren't Briitish I'm telling you now.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:41,
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Oh, I'm loving this!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCAbh4Sa3WQ
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:17,
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I got excited there cos Willam Belli came up but it was just an ad :((
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:18,
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My mate is the drummer and I also knew the singer years agoThey used to be a a few bands together before this
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:20,
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I've a feeling I've got one of their singles somewhere(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:30,
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I got an ear worm of the Rolf and Cindy band this morning and went a youtubing(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 29 Apr 2014, 11:34,
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