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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning all!
Today's topic for discussion, following on from the end of last night's thread:

If you could modify your body, either plastic surgery, cyborg implants etc, what would you do?

Points for being 100% happy with your body :)

Image Hosted by Combobulating Robots
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:13, 371 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Personally
I think vibrating fingertips FTW!

Hmm... I think I spot a gap in the market...

How are we all today?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:15, Reply)
Morning No3l
Not sure about the cosmetic surgery. Probably less skinny legs, if such a thing were possible. The rest of me's OK, but my legs are disproportionately lanky.

And perhaps some dental work.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:23, Reply)
Morning K
No robotic tendencies then?

I read the other day, was it you, messing with synths and stuff?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:26, Reply)
No robotics
I've never really fancied a bionic arm or anything! Unlike some of our number whose names I will not mention.

Kaol

Yes, it was me doing some computery recording stuff the other night.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:30, Reply)
A rotating cock
Obviously.

Not in a Tetsuo way or anything though.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:32, Reply)
Is that
rotating along its major axis, or precessing, BK?

Sorry to get so technical this early in the morning, but I have to know!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:36, Reply)
I've always said I'd like a cybernetic arm
I'm not so sure though :-/

some kind of cool Predator style vision might be good!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:36, Reply)
Heheh morning BK :)
K2k6, is that something you've done for a while or just dabbling?

I write stuff with Cakewalk Sonar Producer, Reason and some Creamware softsynths and FX. Been messing with it for a few years now, actually starting to get the hang of it :)

Edit: morning Vipros! Predator vision sounds cool!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:37, Reply)
@No3l
I've been playing music all my life, and messing with computer sequencing and recording for the last decade and a half.

This particular project is actually a recording for someone else. I'm doing a bit more with him tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:41, Reply)
@ k262
A circular motion would do, like a vibrator, rather than being able to spin at the root.

Although that would, as Eric Idle once said, be "guaranteed to break the ice at parties".

*edit*
Morning No3l!
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:42, Reply)
Sweet!
My first experience of computer music was doing some stuff with trackers on an Atari ST many, many years ago.

Was part of a collaboration a few years back and we learned Reason inside out, great piece of software for knocking out beats and stuff. Use Sonar for live audio and Reason for sequencing/sampling.

I should really get round to sticking my stuff online. I wanna pimp myself out to developers looking for background music and FX for apps and games online too.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:46, Reply)
I've dabbled with cakewalk
in the past and FruityLoops. Didn't get very far though, mainly because my computer was so shit at the time.

These days I leave it to our drummer because he's a got a lot of decent hardware.

I just stick to playing the guitar and pulling faces.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:52, Reply)
@No3l
My interest is more in 'straight' recording, but also sometimes using software instruments. I'm in the traditional music game, so beats and loops don't really come into it.

That said, I have been known to muck around with other stuff in my own time. It's great fun. I used to use Vision, which was a great sequencer, but it was discontinued and I moved to Logic Pro. Logic's great but it's not exactly the most intuitive, although since Apple bought emagic its usability has improved markedly. The last two versions have seen it been "Apple-ised" into a standard Mac app. It's also really good value now, especially at educational prices.

However, programs like Reason and Live are far better tools for beat handling, rather than just recording and editing.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:55, Reply)
Fruityloops
was one of my first forays into PC music... loved it! Although the recent versions seen really disjointed.

I need a way of recording headjingles... I wonder if my phone does a good job of voice recording.

Edit: I record 'straight' as well, but run Reason through Sonar too for just that purpose :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 8:57, Reply)
Morning
right now I'd settle for a new nose... one that isn't full of snot.

I'm going back to bed. Might see you in a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:04, Reply)
Hope you feel better DG!
So, music geekery aside, what are we all up to today?

Edit: I'm actually in the market for a cheap two/three octave midi keyboard if anyone can recommend something

/geekery
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:06, Reply)
Today I'm going to be trying to get my flood model to work
I got somewhere yesterday, so need to build on that success today!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:06, Reply)
@ No3l
Unfortunately I'm at my friend's funeral this afternoon which sucks. I can't see it being the most sombre affair and I imagine we'll all be getting tanked and remembering the good times at the wake.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:08, Reply)
That sucks BK
Although I do like wakes. Does that make me strange?

There's something about all those people sorta celebrating someone's life by eating a buffet and drinking sherry that I find incredibly comforting.

Hope that doesn't come off as uncaring.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:11, Reply)
I'd have a robot arm
And some kind of laser eye.
So that I could slice people up from a distance.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:13, Reply)
No, I feel the same
And he was off Scottish stock so it should be a really good send off.

And the possibility of Pink Floyd at the funeral.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:14, Reply)
Morning
I could do with 7 livers and 14 kidneys. Enough for every day of the week.

Being realistic, a new eye, considering one of them had a 10mm laceration across the eyball and now has a scar on it. Then I could use my binoculars properly.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:21, Reply)
Morning
If I could have anything replaced it would have to be my eyes, I don't like them. The new ones would have to have a good zoom, thermal, UV, and x-ray vision mind you!

On a different topic I got these links in my inbox this morning, How to instal Linux on a dead badger and Beaver case mod
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:21, Reply)
Well... Someone's gonna ask...
How'd you fuck your eye up?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:22, Reply)
Morning all
I want devil-horn implants. Or a prehensile tail.

Not both though. That'd just be silly
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:22, Reply)
@Kaol
Your sig is giving me teh fear.

*glances furtively around office, in Gaydon*
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:24, Reply)
@Pirate Monkey
Well you can get coral implants in your skull now, and the coral grows by leaching you calcium.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:25, Reply)
Morning!
I'd have a robotic leg, to replace the one that hasn't fully recovered since I broke it (I can't bend the knee as much as I can with my other leg, and I've done all I can with physio).

Of course, to even things up I'd have to go for a pair, and then have a robotic spine to cope with stress and strain.

But then I could jump high, run fast, and withstand huge falls! It'd be ace, I'd never have to use stairs again!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:25, Reply)
Mr. Duck
It's ok.
I don't know where you work :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:27, Reply)
It hurted
To cut a long story short, a lump of plastic, under very high impact shattered into my face.
It was about the equivalent of an air gun pellet.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:28, Reply)
I don't need bionics
I can do the robot without mechanicals *smugs/shames*

Ning ning all
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:38, Reply)
Ouch...
That sounds shite.
I'm glad it didn't go into your brain :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:38, Reply)
New QOTW suggestion
Not exactly suitable for anecdotal stories, but I think it would turn up some good stuff. Click it if you'd like to see it:

www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post252182

Also, let me know if you think it's bollocks :)

Morning new peeps!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:38, Reply)
No3l
It'd be good, until people start posting ilovehorses.
Hidden as other links.
In every post, EVER.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)
Tattoo you.....
Good morning, all.

I'm not a big fan of tattoos, but I always wanted (and still do) want this picture on my arm.

x81.xanga.com/b47a93431603378141096/z52998011.jpg

Trouble is, I wouldn't trust any one in the UK to do this. I'd need to go to Japan or the United States to do it. They have more experience with Japanese anime.

For the record, I am happy with my body....barely!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)
I considered that
But I don't think mouseovers work in QOTW so they'd be easy to spot :)

Morning Stig... I'd say that any artist worth his salt in any country should be able to reproduce anything you throw at them. So no need to travel so far :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:45, Reply)
I like the idea
but I just don't think there would be enough of a story to back them up.

How are we all this morning?

Edit: I want the small hairs Spiderman has on his fingers, so I can climb up anything.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:49, Reply)
@ morning himjim
I got that link working last night.
It's actually really good.

Cheers!
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:51, Reply)
Talking of eye implants
I'd really like a means of capturing the images on my retinas, onto a solid state memory card or similar, so I could transfer them to my computer.

It would be like having your camera with you at all times.

Oh, and 18x zoom eyeballs to go with it too.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:52, Reply)
Morning Jim!
No3l, I think a massive bonus-point of being at work and reading the QOTW is that it's all text, so it doesn't look obvious.
If I was opening fun-sounding links all over the place, who knows what would happen?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:52, Reply)
Fair points guys
Was just a wild stab in the dark :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:55, Reply)
Morning Vipros!
*grins*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:56, Reply)
Morning No3
I'm sure that tattoo artists in the UK could make a decent go of it, but since it'd be permanent on me, I'd want more than "a decent go of it"! :O)
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 9:57, Reply)
Morning Boss & Kaol
Boss - glad you liked the tunes, you definately have to be in the right mood though!

Kaol, I've got plans for you! Check the Calendar in a bit.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:00, Reply)
@ jim
I had it on in the background while I watched a gory Korean film - worked really well.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:01, Reply)
morning Kaol
*feels slightly disturbed that Kaol has singled him out for a greeting and a grin*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:04, Reply)
Mooorniing!
I think If I could change one thing about me it would be to lose a tiny smidge of the weight, only about half a stone but that would be nice. And I'm working on it, so there we are.

Otherwise, I would like to have a monkey tail that is stiped like a tiger. And retractable claws.

EDIT: Stiggy, you could find a Japanese tattoo artist in the UK? There are a fair few, I bet, as anime tatts are quite popular amongst a certain crowd...
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)
Vipros
Were you not more disturbed that I'd said hello before you'd posted on OT :p

I knew you'd be here soon :D

Mr. Jim, I await with a priapism and fist-full of hooker-guts :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)
DiT
has made me think

I'd quite like to not be scared of heights

Kaol: I posted further up :-P
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:08, Reply)
:|
Well shut my mouth!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:09, Reply)
;-)
that would've been weird though
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:10, Reply)
Yeah...
*shakes fist*

I've got that weird thing this morning where I keep listening to the same song over and over again.
And enjoying it :D
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)
Good morning all
Everyone well?

There is lots of my body I'd like to change. Pretty much all of it if I'm honest.
But mostly I want wings so I could fly to work and not have to spend 2 hours a day having old men sweat on me on the tube.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)
Morning Ms Lust
I can think of two parts of your body you might not want to change :)
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:13, Reply)
Kaol: what song?
Lusty: for wings you'd need stronger ribs and back, not to mention lighter bones and a much improved respiratory system.


Kaol: I've been listening to Death Magnetic a lot. it's fucking ace.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:14, Reply)
Morning DiT
Retractable claws would be ace.

I'd love a supremely efficient metabolism, so that I could eat lots of bad food and yet develop a sculpted, Adonis-like body, without the need for working out.

Speaking of which, next month I think i'm going to join the gym again. Trouble is, I don't get any of the endorphin rush that a lot of people claim to experience, hence I get very bored at the gym, and also put off by the hulking men on the weights, and the gorgeous athletic women on the treadmills.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:15, Reply)
@K2k6
I'm guessing you're a boob man?

@Lusty
What about young men sweating on you?
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:15, Reply)
I think I've made peace with my body
but am always in the market for something cybernetic to attach when I get tired. Maybe an arm like Vipros has, but not just for powerwanking ,)

I've just spoken to the loveliest lady ever from BT and she makes teh sense when it comes to explaining their charges and why they're trying to take all of my wages each month.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:17, Reply)
Vipros
I agree! I was pleasantly surprised by it.

*puts it on*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:17, Reply)
Mr. Vipros
Cradle Song by Tomahawk.
*presses play again*

*smiles*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:18, Reply)
I've just been reading....
...some old QOTW answers and one topic just sent my mind flying because I could have posted so many answers.

"Inappropriate crushes"

Now, let's take away the "inappropriate" bit for a moment and concentrate on the "crushes" bit. Where do I begin?!

10: Melissa Joan Hart (AKA Sabrina, the teenage witch)
9: Liv Tyler.
8. KT Tunstall
7. Sara Dallin, from Bananarama
6: Siobhan Fahey, from Bananarama.
5: Megan Fox (such an appropriate name!)
4: Anne Hathaway.
3: Thora Birch (American Beauty)
2: Caprice, Model.
1. Katie Puckrik. A sweet heart of the highest order!

Yes, my choices are weird, but I make no apologies for them! I'm proud of them! :O)
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:18, Reply)
Morning all
Are we all well this morning?

I would probably get the robotic arms. Think of the mad drumming skills they would impart on me...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:20, Reply)
@al
Well thank you...If I ever do grow wings I will take you on a flying adventure.
If I don't I shall make you an extra special cake.

@BK How young?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:21, Reply)
Crushes
In order of when I had them:

1. The twins from Neighbours (unless that was a dream, there were female twins in Neighbours in the 80s/90s, right?)
2. Isla Fisher (Home and Away, but still is trouser-tent inducing)
3. Connie from Blue Peter
4. Lori Petty from Tank Girl
5. Liv Tyler when she's in Empire Records
6. Gwen Stefani
7. Angelina Jolie
8. Zhang Ziyi
9. Thandie Newton
10. Rhona Mitra

I'm sure there are more, many many more, but that'll do for now.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:27, Reply)
@ al
Nothing wrong with the aunts. I do believe that there are pictures of one of them flashing their norks out there in the big wide web....
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:28, Reply)
@Stig
Anne Hathaway? As in Shakespeare's Anne Hathaway?

For inappropriate, is Fern Britton in that league?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)
Speaking of Neighbours
Didn't fancy the twins much, as I thought they looked thick as pigshit.

But Kym Valentine, (aka Libby Kennedy)...oh yes!

Edit - I can't see what it is about Anne Hathaway though. She doesn't do it for me.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:32, Reply)
@ Lusty
Erm, just of the top of my head, late 20s?
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:32, Reply)
I'm with the Stig and Labia
on some of those at least. When I was younger I had a massive crush on Melissa Joan Hart.

Lori Petty in Tank Girl, but particularly in Point Break. mmmm

I also totally thought Britney was hot when she was first around. To the extent that in my first year at uni I had all 12 pages from a calender on my wall....completely out of character for me!

I have and will always be completely in love with Alicia Silverstone. She's amazing.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:34, Reply)
inappropriate crushes?
Erm.

- Buffy
- Willow
- Kate Silverton
- Jennifer Morrison (Dr Cameron in House)
- Hayley Atwell
- rachelswipe
- CHCB

Yummy ...
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:34, Reply)
@oneinthepink
No! Anne Hathaway from "Get Smart" and "Brokeback Mountain" (she get's topless in that!)

@ Edmund.

Forget Dr Cameron. Check out "12" in House as well! Dr Cuddy is quite cute, too!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:34, Reply)
Wanderlust's list of hotties
1. Zac Efron
2. Alan Rickman
3. Tom Selleck
4. Elivs...In his army years.
5. The hot dad guy who's name I can't remember in Enchanted.
6. The fucking fit guy with loads of tattoos who sometimes gets on the same train as me in the morning.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:35, Reply)
I wasn't thinking inappropriate, Al
I was just thinking hot!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)
Topless, you say?
*rents film about gay cowboys for the breast content*
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:37, Reply)
Elvis?
I so would!
That's fucking awesome Ms. Lust!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:38, Reply)
@al
That was a running question at uni. Libby or Susan. The answer obviously was both.

A few of mine:
Audrey Tautou
Holly Willoughby
Kate Garraway
Konnie Huq
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)
Kaol: Jamie Lee Presley
would you?

a woman that looks like Elvis and may/may not have shagged Michael Jackson....

Lusty: good list :-)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)
@BK
Agree with you on every one there. And I'd like to add Fearne Cotton.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)
Anyone who's coming to the Belmers gig bash
that might be out in Leam on Saturday night, look in the calendar NOW!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:40, Reply)
@ K2
Meh, she does my head in on the radio!

Oh, and Maquita off T4.
She's cute

With you on Ziyi Zhang too LM!
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:41, Reply)
@BK
Did you see the front page of the Guardian recently where Kate Garraway had a calf simulating breast feeding from her?

Also: Billie Piper!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:41, Reply)
Rhona Mitri
I knew her brother at uni

He was incredibly tall. never got his sister to visit unfortunately :-/
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)
@ Edmund
I didn't, no.
I can imagine that looking very, very wrong.

Also fellas, Google Image
Dominique Persi, the singer from Stolen Babies. My goodness!

Oooh, and Rosario Dawson.
*appreciates*
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:44, Reply)
@Edmund
Billie Piper is lovely. I chatted to her backstage at a gig about 10 years ago when I was working on sound. We shared a bag of Maltesers if I remember properly and chatted about crap.

I didn't know who she was at the time, and I certainly didn't realise she was one of the acts, right up until the point when she went on stage.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:45, Reply)
So
The boys like the brunettes huh? :)

Me too actually. K T Tunstall gives me the megahorn for some reason. And we play the same chords :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:46, Reply)
Where to start
Kirstin Dunst
Winona Ryder
Girlschool (in their early years)
Carrie Fisher
Gates McFaden
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:47, Reply)
My innapropriate crushes...
- Fearne Cotton. So pretty, yet so annoying.
- Neomie Lenoir. Because she's married to someone who plays for Chelsea - does she have no taste?
- Karri Byron from Mythbusters.
- Susannah Reid from BBC Breakfast News.
- Billie Piper.
- Pamela Anderson. Still.
- Jennifer Saunders.
- Someone mentioned Caprice up there. Caprice.
- Faye Tozer what was in Steps.
- Chalrize Theron. And there's nothing innapropriate about that.

OH. And all teh laydeez of teh intermawebs, of course! *panders*
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:47, Reply)
K T Tunstall
Went to my uni.
But she's ten years older.

They asked her to play the Summer Ball and she said "No, I hated my time there, why would I come back?"
She gets my vote, just for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:49, Reply)
My all time negahorn (nice terminology, No3)....
is, as I've mentioned earlier, Katie Puckrik. She is a doll! I fancied her on "The Word" (thank God she left that!), I fancied her on "The Sunday Show" (much funnier, than Donna McPhail, Katie and Dennis Pennis were the only reasons for watching it) and I fancied her on "Pyjama Party". She's sassy, funny and attractive.

What more could one want?

@ DiT. I mentioned Caprice. The cherry on the cake with her is that she LOVES UK men! That's why she moved here! And amazingly, she's still single! There is a God!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:49, Reply)
Billie Piper
is nice, but I think her replacement in Dr Who, Freema Agyeman, is better still. Her acting's crap, mind you.

And they had to go and spoil it all with that bloody Tate woman.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:50, Reply)
@BK
Oooo, I had forgotten about Rosario Dawson, she's definitely on the list!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:52, Reply)
Moving to sport...
Ana Ivanovic and Maria Kirilenko.

*goes off somewhere private for a bit*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)
Young Elvis
Was so beautiful it makes my eyes hurt.

@bk...Only if the men in their late 20's are from Scotland but live in Leeds.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)
Morning!
How is everyone today?

Lusty - Army Elvis FTW, when I was a little girl I told my mum I was going to marry Elvis. She still likes to bring that up in front of friends.

I have all manner of crushes,
Christian Bale
Alan Hansen
Dylan Moran
to name but a few!

Edit - Ah Inappropriate crushes, oh god I have millions of them.
Jason Orange (from Take That)
Bill Bailey
Most of the dancers (male and female) from Strictly Come Dancing.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:56, Reply)
@ Lusty
I think I know someone that fits that description.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:56, Reply)
Yeah...
I would've mentioned Freema, but talent seems to completely evade her. And that is not attractive.

Still, I've got Mrs Devil. She's my #1 crush. (AWWWWWWWW!)
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 10:56, Reply)
I just want to add:
Alysson Hannigan who was in Buffy and American Pie. Nothing inappropriate about that, other than the scale of my lust for her :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:01, Reply)
Morning Lucy!
How goes it?

P.S. I don't mean to hi-jack the thread. I just pander to my hormones (i.e women and cars) and nature seems to follow!

Tomorrow's topic: Drugs!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:01, Reply)
Drugs?
:(

*prepares for bad memories to surface*

Also, DiT, you're so cute it made me be sick a little bit :p

My number one crush is me. I'm that good.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:03, Reply)
Morning Stig
And everyone else of course!

I'm with Kaol on the drugs topic - best keep those memories hidden!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:04, Reply)
Hmm women and cars
That woman off Fifth Gear could bleed my brake fluid ifyougetmymeaningetc
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:04, Reply)
Morning Lucy
Ah yes, the Strictly dancers. Well, the female ones anyway.

Especially Karen Hardy.

Drugs - I think I'm probably in a very small minority, if not unique in this company, in never having used drugs for recreational purposes, ever.

Edit@No3l - Vicky Butler-Henderson. The one who sounds like she's permanently got a throat full of my jizz cigarette smoke.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:05, Reply)
the woman on 5th gear
is a female version of Quentin Wilson. Her ridiculously contrived manner of speaking does my head in.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:06, Reply)
@Stig/LvP
Agreed. My worst (or best, depending ones view of the world) is having taken speed and being up working on my write up for three days straight. Oops.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:06, Reply)
*stalks in*
*stalks Al for a bit*

morning
(The Stalker's Stalker For all your stalking needs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)
This is my favourite crush
right here.

Hubba hubba.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)
Morning.
I can't be arsed to read through the previous posts. I'm sure they were full of whatever they're usually full of.

I'll just catch up from here.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)
Drugs...
My personal low-point was after a hefty dose of ketamine, beating up one of my mates who was trying to help me.
I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that.

EDIT: That's lovely Al, thanks!

EDIT 2: Morning KSS!

EDIT 3: And morning Ms. Clendrix!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)
@Vipros!
YOU LEAVE VBH ALONE!

*attacks*

*realises attack is futile*

*hides*


EDIT: @Al - that's why I wrote it, old boy! ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)
Yay for Strictly!
Oh how I love that show. It's ace. Anton Du Beke - What a gentleman.

Ah-hem, anyway, moving on.

Today is the day when I find out about my job. If I don't get the one in London I'm staying in The Shire.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:08, Reply)
Morning clendrix
Today's subject seems to have evolved into 'people off the telly we'd like to shag senseless, but we know that we'd never manage even to get near them, because we're just sad interweb geeks'.

Or something like that.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)
Bod Mod
I’d like my arms to bend the other way, so that I could be the owner of the longest toothbrush in the world.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)
@ Vipros
Nothing a ball-gag couldn't fix :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)
On Drugs
or rather, I'm not any more. And life is much better without having half of Columbia in your face on a daily basis.

Still, it keeps you thin.

EDIT: And talking a massive amount of bollocks. Loudly. All the time.

DOUBLE EDIT: Nice Bottom reference, No3l!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)
No3l
I love the way your foul little mind works (guess the quote for bonus points)

my worst drug experience? last time I did shrooms. was the first time with my good friends from home, rather than uni mates, so I was expecting it to be awesome.

they made me horribly paranoid by refusing to do anything, so we just sat about.

best part of my night was passing out and hitting my face...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:11, Reply)
Are you a hobbit LVP?
I really should get up, but really can't be bothered.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:12, Reply)
DiT
Very true.
I'd rather be not-thin though.
Especially when your eyes do that corpse-thing, and go kinda glassy.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:13, Reply)
PoD
Indeed I am.
The Shire = Wiltshire.

In fact, where I live the shopping centre is called The Shires. Nowt like some good rural names for everything.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:14, Reply)
@LvP
But from your profile pics, nobody would guess you're only 3 foot 6 inches tall, with hairy feet!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:15, Reply)
DiT
Right back atcha :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:15, Reply)
it hadn't occurred to me before LvP
but you do look a bit dutch....
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)
@ LvP
The only shire worth talking about is Warwickshire. Everyone knows that.

Our retail park is called the Shires too!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)
Ha
How on earth do I look dutch?!

I do have hairy feet but I have blonde hair so you can only see it in certain light.
(did you want to know that? probably not)
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:18, Reply)
All shires are ok...
except for Shire horses. They can fuck right off, the gigantic evil bastards.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:19, Reply)
The industrial estate that I work on is called
Shire Hill :D

Also, I've gotta go for a bit, take some people to the airport.

The question is, do they get Raging Speedhorn, Johnny Truant or the new Slipknot album?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:20, Reply)
@K2k6
Speak for yourself, I've slept with somebody who was on the telly.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:21, Reply)
I mean you wouldn't look out of place among these
images.google.co.uk/images?q=dutch%20woman&hl=en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

or these

http://images.google.co.uk/images?q=dutch%20women&hl=en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:21, Reply)
@himjim
And right next to the Shires retail park is a huge solicitors firm called Wright Hassall.

Never fails to raise a smirk, every time.

Warwickshire FTW
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:22, Reply)
@ Kaol
If it's the first Raging Speedhorn album, then that one.

Oh. liking Tomahawk by the way.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:23, Reply)
Yeah, the first Speedhorn album.
What Tomahawk did you get?
Tell you what, gaz me, I'm literally off now!

Later!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:24, Reply)
Vipros
I'm not sure how I feel about being with that first lot. Especially the lady eating that...thing.

However, I definitely do belong in that second category. Oh yes.

DiT - Shire Horses can indeed, fuck off.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:27, Reply)
*raises fist in the air*
Warwickshire Massive, Reprazent!

NB: We're not massive, we're all average and in proportion. Apologies for the 'street' spelling of "represent". It's all a sham, we're more 'cul de sac' than 'street'.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:28, Reply)
you fell for it didn't you Al?
Lucy: to be honest I only glanced at about the first 3 images and found they didn't disprove what I was saying. now that I look at the others it does seem slightly less than flattering!

I stand by what I say. I work for a Dutch company, so I know what I'm talking about :-)
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:29, Reply)
Vipros
Fair enough then. However you haven't met me so you don't really know how dutch I look.

Whenever I go to Portugal though people think I'm german or dutch.

Must be the tall blonde thing.

Edit - Al - I hate horses. I don't care how fuzzy their feet are, they still want to kick you.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:31, Reply)
@Herr Dok
I've been on the telly myself. Twice, in fact.

So there!

Haven't shagged myself though

@Lucy - No, I didn't really need to know about the hairy feet thing. Although it is quite odd, isn't it? Maybe you do have Hobbit blood!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:32, Reply)
I am going
To Holland-land tomorrow!!
*excites*
*wees*
*does a little excited sick*
Annnnnnd My friends Sticky Vicky and Hi-Vis Holly are staying over tonight and we're going to watch America's next top model in our pyjamas and have a pillow fight and practise kissing on each other.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:33, Reply)
german or dutch is better than people thinking you are American :-(
when I was in Turkey I got that a few times. They were always very apologetic when I said I was English though
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:34, Reply)
@Lusty
I feel your above posting needs some expansion...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:34, Reply)
@K2k6
I've been on the telly as well.

But the less said about that the better.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:34, Reply)
Ooh Wander!
That sounds fab, can I come?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)
Lusty
That evening sounds amazing!
I LOVE Americas Next Top Model! I watched Canadas Next Top Model last night, it was rubbish compared to Tyra's mad as a box of frogs attitude!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)
@ Lusty
See, I KNEW that's what girls do at sleepovers!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)
@LvP
Whenever I go abroad ANYWHERE, I get mistaken for being Scandinavian or German, despite having mostly Welsh/Irish heritage.

Great - I'm officially a freak. A bloke from Stoke on Trent, who thanks to years of attempting to rid himself of the accent now just sounds generic 'Northern', who looks Scandinavian despite having Celtic heritage.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:36, Reply)
@LvP
I'm in agreement with you on the evil EVIL horses thing. I've been near a horse on three occasions and the following things have happened:

1. Seven year old Edmund, feeding horse grass - bitten

2. Eighteen year old Edmund, grooming girlfriends horse - kicked in the chest, fractured sternum and broke 4 ribs

3. Thirty-two year old Edmund, stroking horse - bitten (again)

Horses. Evil, EVIL I tell ye!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:37, Reply)
But Al
We're meeting TRL tomorrow!

I for one am up for a pillow fight.

Horses are shit, I hate them and they hate me.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:38, Reply)
@Wanderlust
why are you going to the Netherlands?
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:38, Reply)
I love Tyra!
She's so sassy!

I'm so excited about going to Amsterdam I can't control myself. I'm jiggling about like a very jiggly person at the moment.
It's a girls only sleep over tonight, so if any ladies want to come round and join the pillow fight fun...
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:41, Reply)
Are you just
going to be peering in the windows, Al?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:41, Reply)
ANTM
Is it the new series you're going to be watching? I might start watching that one!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:44, Reply)
@wanderlust
Whereabouts in Hamsterjam are you staying?

(Knows Amsterdam EXTREMELY well)
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:44, Reply)
@LVP
Yeah I recorded it on Monday, I was saving it for tonight.
Oh god now I've started thinking about how excited I am at going to Amsterdam and not having to be in work for a few days.

There is a huge wee puddle on the floor now.

Edit: @ The stig, I can't remember where we're staying if I'm honest! You've just reminded me to check though.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:47, Reply)
Morning all
I'm off work today cause I'm feeling pants so if I could modify my body it'd be to make me never get ill.

Or perhaps an assortment of cyborg implants.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:47, Reply)
You seem to be generating
an awful lot of wee, Lusty!

*passes w'lust mop, bucket and industrial strength Tena Lady*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:48, Reply)
@TheStig
Cool! I lived in Amsterdam for a while working for ABN Amro there and living on a canal boat. 'Twas aceness.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:50, Reply)
Right
My elder and quite frankly crazy sister needs entertaining so I'm off to persuade her to take me out for a pub lunch!
I'll be back later!
Bye!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:51, Reply)
@Edmund.
I've been to Hamsterjam sooo many times, I know the streets rather well. Warmoestraat, Oude Zijds Voorburgwal, Nieuwe Hoogstraat etc. I even have a loyalty card for the Albert Heijn shop near the Rabobank and "de Beekerde Suster" bar. I think that "straat" is Klovenierburgwal.
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:55, Reply)
@TheStig
Ace! Unfortunately, my boat (the Nadine II) was opposite the StaatOpera near Waterlooplein so was noisy as hell. Equally unfortunately I was doing 14 hour days and saw virtually sod all of the place other than Schipol / WTC Zuid / Dam Sq / Waterlooplein

Oh, and AlbertHeijn FTW!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:56, Reply)
Stig and Edmund
are making up words.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:58, Reply)
@clendrix
I wish. I think that the Dutch got so deeply into the schmoking thing shimply becosh you can't tell the difference in their akshents.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 11:59, Reply)
Cheers K2k6
*mops up wee*

Much better!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:00, Reply)
My grandma used to live
in Amsterdam. Can't remember the street name, might have been Rozenstraat.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:02, Reply)
You win
A trip to London, which you have to pay for, and of course you get to meet TRL.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)
Al
If by aberflombywible you mean scubbascubbaling, then I know it well!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)
@Edmund.
Albert Heijn is a cracking supermarket. Do you remember "Febo's" as well? I LOVE the Bami Schijfs! Plus chips in satay sauce! Heaven!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)
@Al
I liked the 'mccann' on the end!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)
FFS, Al!
*pretends not to laugh*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:06, Reply)
'noon ancrenne
You manage to get all your tights and cardigans off OK the other night?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:14, Reply)
Ning Ancrenne!
Mark Thomas FTW. He went to my Uni, don'tcherknow...
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:17, Reply)
Afternoon all
I've been chilaxing in the garden. Which was nice :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:19, Reply)
Hi Ancrenne
I saw Mark Thomas live in Liverpool when I was in uni, which was very entertaining, and obviously thought provoking.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:20, Reply)
I am soooooooooo excited
as I get to have squishy hugs with ancrenne later - wooooooooooooooo!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:22, Reply)
TGB
not at work?

outrageous!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:22, Reply)
@TGB
Hello - good to hear chillaxing ... no elfen' safety work needing done?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:23, Reply)
No I was made to have holiday
as I have so much left *glees* I have been off all week so far :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:24, Reply)
clendrix
Do you need another cold shower?
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:27, Reply)
I may well be, al
I've needed a few this week.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:28, Reply)
I say!
How rude!











Oh go on then.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:28, Reply)
Just found this.....
www.slideshare.net/guesta9d12e/subprime-primer-277484/

It's both informative and funny. I'm sticking with the Co-op bank from now on!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:29, Reply)
Are people having a shower?
Room for one more?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:30, Reply)
There's ALWAYS room for Lusty!
Yay!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:31, Reply)
come in
although I think inviting women into a cold shower may negate the purpose somewhat.

*rotates*

Yup, see? He's off again!
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:32, Reply)
Afternoon TGB!
I've just scoffed a huge portion of my lovely tuna pasta bake, wot i did make last night.

*basks in the afterglow of a damn good feed*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:32, Reply)
mmm tuna :D
Hey Lab *waves. I have some spagbol left over from yesterday I may have to eat soon!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:33, Reply)
3 weeks and 2 days til Holidays...
I can't wait!

I mean, I really like my job, but my boss is driving me up the wall at the moment. "Just because you've done it this way for ten years," I want to yell "doesn't make it right."

Oh well!

I would join in on that shower, but Al's put it about that I don't wash, so I may as well sit here in my own musk.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:36, Reply)
OK folks
I'm off to get royally smashed in my friend's memory. We're going to send him off in style!

I'll probably be on later, incoherent and monged.
Who said no change there?
*glowers*
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:41, Reply)
Thinking of you
BK!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:45, Reply)
@BK
Massive hugs!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:46, Reply)
Good luck BK!
I'm sure you'll all do your friend proud!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:46, Reply)
Gr3tans
I'm 100% happy with my body so I score points.

Am now in a town on the other side of London from where I was yesterday. Will be visiting my sister this evening.

Today, I plan to be well behaved so won't be taking any dodgy pictures.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:48, Reply)
Go BK
You appreciate the heck outta that guy!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:49, Reply)
Am gradually working my way thru this thread
and apparently, Dutch is the funniest language from an English person's point of view.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:55, Reply)
*hugs for BK*
I need an excuse to get drunk...
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:56, Reply)
@spakka
Try understanding Dutch when you're half cut, it's even better!

As for the stupidest language in the world......try Welsh.
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 12:57, Reply)
Sneeeeeeerkkk
Ngggchchchrrr*cough*flpp*hack**spit*

I am fluent in Welsh, as long as I have a cold.

Afternoon all.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:04, Reply)
@ Wookie
You forgot the spitting.

Edit No you didn't.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:05, Reply)
But Ancrenne,
that's exactly what I said, only I typed it phonetically ;P
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:06, Reply)
Ahem
There are whole weeks in Welsh that are just hacking and phlegm.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:07, Reply)
my friend used to call everyone
ydw but apparently it means "I am" or something?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:09, Reply)
Welsh is such an unusual language
that even my friend who knows some Gaelic can't understand it (Welsh and Gaelic are both Celtic languages).

Anyway, here's some late hugs for BK.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:10, Reply)
Oh not more made up words!
Dydh dah!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:15, Reply)
@ Spakka
Gaelic and Welsh are related, but from different roots. Welsh is a Brythonic language whose cousins include Manx, Cornish and Breton (Brittany) whilst Gaelic is Goidelic and includes Irish and Scots Gaelic.

Both Celtic, but distinct. Sort of like Italian and Portuguese.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:16, Reply)
Another London bash next month
As you all know, I'll be starting work in London next month. So what better way to break me in to the London life than to have a b3ta bash.

I was thinking of Saturday 18th October (I'm leaving the Friday reserved for a possible works night out). Anyone up for a bash that day?
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)
Well Spakka
They are both Celtic Languages, but are about the same as English and German.

Edit And it also makes a difference which Gaelic.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:18, Reply)
Afternoon all
I return from town, with a new bag and a birthday present for my flatmate. Go me.

So, that's my to do list for today done. Woo!
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:18, Reply)
Hey all
my nan died yesterday. I feel completely numb, interspersed with crying.

How are you all.
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:20, Reply)
I'm back from my swim!
Anyone notice I was away?

*looks for hands going up*

No? Oh well.

I see I missed the b3ta showers too. That would have been much better than showering with other men at the pool.

Damn.

Edit@MM - really sorry to hear that. *hugs*
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:21, Reply)
@ MM
Have some huggles *proffers arms*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:21, Reply)
MM have some Hugs
Sorry to hear that.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)
Sorry to hear that
MM *hugs, tissues, chocolate and tea*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)
Madam!
*hugs*
How crap. How very crap.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:24, Reply)
MM
have a barrel of hugs.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:24, Reply)
MM
I'm so sorry to hear that. My sympathies are with you and your family.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:25, Reply)
@ spakka
Sounds good to me...sign me up.

@ Ms Marlboro.

Sorry to hear that.

@Acrenne

Welsh.....is.....a....stupid.....language!

To quote Blackadder

"Never ask for directions in Wales, Balders. You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fornight!"

It is the oldest language in Europe, so due respect there......
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:26, Reply)
Thanks guys
I' not really dealing with it I guess. Me and her are my dad's only blood relatives. We're a really close family.
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:26, Reply)
Well it's going to take time
I find random drives and screaming help :)
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:36, Reply)
I'm going with chain smoking and spliffs.
Seems to be helping.
(I helped save b3ta! Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:38, Reply)
.
@mm
Perhaps you don't have to deal with it straight away. Give yourself some time to mourn and then pull yourself together.

@stig
OK. Keep an eye out on the Calendar.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:39, Reply)
Afternoon folks.
Long time no see. I've been a busy little bunny. Thought i'd nip in on lunch. How are ye all?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:40, Reply)
Hello there, weekirst
How's life in sunny Ireland, then?

Nothing much has changed here. We're still talking nonsense.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:42, Reply)
Noon all.
@ Spakka - Sorry, but I can't make the 18th, I'm away on my holidays.

@MM - *hugs*

EDIT: Noon, WK.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:46, Reply)
Tightly!
You're not sorry at all, you lucky sod. Vegas - yeah baby!
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:47, Reply)
@k26
good, well apart from my ban on 'tinternet during working hours... it makes me sad. And so very bored during the day!" :( hahaha!

edit --noon dit
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:49, Reply)
You have a point, Clenders.
Now, can anyone tell me how to gamble properly?

I play Blackjack and Poker, but have no idea about roulette or craps.

teehee, I said craps
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)
'noon WK
@@DiT
Not to worry. I'll be seing you tomorrow night anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)
Crap weather and cheap internet access
make a perfect combination, so I'll be staying here a bit longer.

@WK:
I expect that whether or not I can access b3ta at my new workplace would be a moot point as I may not have time for recreational webbrowsing.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:52, Reply)
Put it all on red
and hope for the best!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:53, Reply)
@mista
I have the time, and the inclination, but management have deemed it an abuse if the internet. I need a new job!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:54, Reply)
DiT
So how long is it now until you go?

MM It gets better in time, everybody says that but it's true.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:54, Reply)
Just over three weeks...
Time is beginning to drag out!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:57, Reply)
@DiT
Someone posted on here a while back a sure fire way to win at roulette, provided that: a) you have enough money to start with, because your stake doubles each time that you don't win, and b) the house has a sufficiently high maximum bet.

It sounds too good to be true, but mathematically it's perfectly sensible.

Can't remember the details though :(
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 13:58, Reply)
Yeah
I saw that, but I don't think I'm enough of a high roller! ;)

Sod it, I'll just have a holiday.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:02, Reply)
Hey kids!
I'm back.
Lots of driving, got some guitar strings too :D
And had some lovely, lovely cigarettes.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:03, Reply)
Actually, yes
Apparently the Vegas casinos provide free food and drink to keep you there, feeding money into the system.

So if you just put tiny bets on, you get free sustenance, in effect.

The hotels are quite good value, for the same reason.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:04, Reply)
Welcome back, Kaol.
Thanks for the knife.
*goes on rampage*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:05, Reply)
I'm now
£500 lighter.

Cars are expensive to insure!*


*Serves me right for having a limousine.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:05, Reply)
Hey Kaol
What kinda strings did you get in the end?

@MM - Many hugs, and many sympathies.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:06, Reply)
Hmm, going back to the crushes part of this thread
Robert Downey Jnr (I want his babies)
Brendan Fraser
Adrian Lester
Sebastien Chabal (French rugger player)
Jarvis Cocker (now though, not from the mid-90s)
Julian Barratt
Naveen Andrews (Sayid in "Lost")
Josh Homme
Jesse "The Devil" Hughes

I think the only inappropriate crushes I've ever had were Zak Efron and Daniel Radcliffe..
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:08, Reply)
Some Martin ones
80/20 bronze ones, light.
They had a guitar strung with 'em in the shop, they felt good.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:09, Reply)
DiT
I bet the time is just dragging now that you're so close to going.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:11, Reply)
@empressbob
A few issues with your list:

1. Robert Downey Jr. How do you want him? Caucasian? Or Negro (a la Tropic Thunder)?

2. Jarvis Cocker. The guy is a god, but still looks like a kiddie fiddler!

3. Julian Barratt. Am I the only one who doesn't find "The Mighty Boosh" in the least bit funny? Noel Fielding is a tool.
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:13, Reply)
That it is, Herr Dok,
That it is. It's also looping! ;)

EDIT: Stig: It's not just you. There are now at least two of us. Although I will reserve judgement, cos apparently they're both really nice guys.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:14, Reply)
Vegas
I've only been there for a couple of hours, transferring flights, but they had a ton of slot machines in the departure lounge, so I thought I'd pop a few bucks in for a laugh.

I am officially $24 up on Las Vegas.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:14, Reply)
@Stig
Downey Jnr: I'll take him anyway he wants. My crush started when he was dressed like Charlie Chaplin...

Cocker: has these amazingly long fingers...

Barratt: More because he's a very good composer with a lovely voice, than to do wtih the Boosh. Fielding is just so...eugh. That's the only way I can describe him.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:16, Reply)
My inappropriate crush
Carole Hersee - AKA test-card girl. But in my defense, I was only 7 at the time.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:17, Reply)
Empress Bob
For a few years, a couple of people have said that I (at least used to) look like Brendan Frasier. I could never see it myself, until I had a pic taken when I'd just had my dreads cut off:

img.photobucket.com/albums/v311/LabiaMajora/Image041.jpg

img.photobucket.com/albums/v311/LabiaMajora/brendan1.jpg

Uncanny.

Edit: Gah, meant for them to be links, gimme a mo.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:19, Reply)
@Labia
I can see what they mean! But you also look scarily intense in that photo...
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:21, Reply)
@Empress
I'd just had my dreads cut off, and the roots combed out (very painful), so I'm surprised I look intense, I was shattered!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:22, Reply)
My flatmate,
who's a little older than me, told me other day that he met the members of Metallica in the late eighties. They invited him to their concert, but he'd never heard of them, so he didn't go.

RIP under the patio, Luis.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:23, Reply)
PHOTOS?
IN THE OFF TOPIC?

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH!

:p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:23, Reply)
*soothes Kaol*
It's alright, they're gone, I got rid of them fast!

*backs away slowly*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:26, Reply)
The weather's nice, my stomach's empty
so I shall depart.

Bye.
(I helped save b3ta! mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:28, Reply)
I know :p
It's ok, The Loon isn't here, so I don't have to pretend that I care :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:28, Reply)
haha
Lab you *do* look like him in that pic! Not so much in person though :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:29, Reply)
TGB
Yep, thanks to the ravages of time, I look less like Mr Fraser.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:30, Reply)
You'll all be happy to know.
That my boss has informed me that she still has thrush.
She keeps shifting about in her chair.

I no longer want to eat my ham and cheese toastie :(
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:30, Reply)
Noel Fielding
has the coolest first name in existence, full stop.

*beams*
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:30, Reply)
someone was talking about strings...
I've been using Fender Super Bullets on my Strat since I got it, because that's what came with it and I liked them. I've been breaking shitloads recently though, so have gone back to D'Addario XLs

anyone want to weigh in on that?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:30, Reply)
I still haven't uploaded
the 4 bash photos :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:31, Reply)
himjim you suck.
I think it's more the mohawk rather than "ravages of time" haha
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:32, Reply)
@Lusty
That's... disgusting...

Oversharing should be a crime.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:32, Reply)
Vipros
As I posted the other day, I'm rubbish at changing my strings, as I tend to do it when the old ones break...
And playing bass, that hardly ever happens.

I got a new acoustic guitar yesterday, found it in a shipping container in the car park here.
Doesn't have any strings.
I shall string it tonight.

The old acoustic I've got is so bad... When you get to the twelth fret, the action is about 15 mil...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:35, Reply)
Lusty
Your boss! What a scream - bring her along to a bash sometime.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:36, Reply)
@lab
You have no idea! She LOVES talking about anything to do with her lady bits. The more detail the better as far as she's concerned.

Edit: @Clendrix nooooooooooo! She'll only talk about the time she got her first period. It was on the same day that Marilyn Monroe died dontcha know.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:36, Reply)
You found it?
Are you sure you didn't mug someone for it, chop them up and then use the string to hang the bits from a tree like some grotesque mobile?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:37, Reply)
that sounds bad Kaol
finding a guitar is always nice. if it's half decent anyway!

TGB: Feed my Frankestein?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:38, Reply)
Lusty
I think someone mentioned that once...haha.

Kaol, get practicing (the guitar bit, not the killing bit).
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:40, Reply)
TGB...
No... Where would you get that idea from?
:|

...

*runs*

Vipros, I don't think the new one is great, but it'll (hopefully) be a damn load better to play.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:40, Reply)
Tis indeed Vipros
I was in a Cooper mood the other day :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:41, Reply)
OooOOH! Lus-tyyyyyy!
Did Brian Blessed's agent get back to you?


DIIIIIVE!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:43, Reply)
@Lusty
I now have a mental image of your boss dragging herself along the carpet like a dog...
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:47, Reply)
I just remembered....
speaking of "odd" people one fancies. Helen Chamberlain! She is such cutie!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:48, Reply)
Brian Blessed
I saw a standup comedian not long ago, who regaled us with the story of how he lost his virginity in Brian Blessed's house. The comedian used to know BB's daughter, and went to his house for a big party. During the night, the comedian copped off with a girl, and went upstairs, where the deed was done.

The following morning, everyone was around the dinner table, with the comedian and this girl slyly holding hands under the table. Mr Blessed walks into the room and points at the comedian, bellowing "YOU!! DID YOU FUCK IN THE SPARE BEDROOM LAST NIGHT?!"

The comedian, blushing, flustered, and somewhat scared, meekly uttered "yes...", to which Brian Blessed roared "SPLENDID!!!" before slapping the comedian on the back.

The audience, myself included, were in tears of laughter.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:48, Reply)
Lab, that's fucking awesome!
*grins*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:50, Reply)
@ Lab
Brilliant! Just brilliant!
(The Stig, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:52, Reply)
Lab
I remember reading a story similar to that on the QOTW!

*hunts*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:53, Reply)
TGB
I think I read something similar too, but I originally heard it from a comedian in Cox's Yard, Stratford, about 6 months ago.

I'll see if i can hunt the guy's name out, I'd love to see him on stage again.

Edit: I can't find the guy, but it was on the 14th of Feb this year.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:54, Reply)
Well it's roughly on the same lines
www.b3ta.com/questions/nevermeetyourheroes/

And proof Brian Blessed is awesome :D
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:56, Reply)
DiT
I was so busy last night I didn't have a chance to write.
I'm also going to see if I can get in touch with Teh Quo and Stephen Fry.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:58, Reply)
I wouldn't know what to say to Stephen Fry
I imagine me saying something and him going "I know" as he knows everything!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:00, Reply)
Hmm...
Teh Quo would likely say no, or charge a huge amount of money!

I'd like to think that Stephen Fry would come along! Although I would be totally star struck!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:13, Reply)
Stephen Fry
Would be awesome to meet.

He's second on my list, after David Attenborough.

EDIT: I was going to post this: www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post252600 here, but it was too long.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:14, Reply)
No to teh Quo then.
I shall think of a list of lovely people to ask.
Bill Bailey being another one.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:20, Reply)
I've met Stephen Fry
He's a very nice chap.

He even used my laptop for a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:32, Reply)
I'd like to meet
Freddie Mercury (unfortunately impossible, obviously), Slash, Ryan Stiles, Charlie Sheen and Bill Clinton.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:32, Reply)
k2k6
Really?!
Did you get to touch him?!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:32, Reply)
Yup
Shook his hand, and had my photo taken with him and everything.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:35, Reply)
Proof!
Proooooof!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:36, Reply)
I would very much like to be
in a K2k6 and Stephen Fry sandwich.
I know Mr Fry likes teh men so I would be happy with just a cuddle.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:42, Reply)
I have the photo somewhere
of him with me and a few of my colleagues at the time. It was about 12 years ago, I think.

If I can find it, I'll scan and link to it.

Edit - I would be more than happy for you to be the buffer, Lusty! Mr Fry may be a nice chap, but I'm not inclined the same way as him!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:42, Reply)
Awh!
12 years ago?
You were still older than I am now, then :p
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:44, Reply)
not then?
*calls Jon* Yeah I need a mind bus?

*Winks*
*pauses*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:46, Reply)
^Kaol!
Haaaaaaaaaaahahahaha.

You're a cheeky bastard.

K2k6 - a bit of discipline is called for here.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:46, Reply)
Strange occurance
Last night I came home to find a full, unopened Cheese Strings thing outside my front door. Not unusual in itself, as over the fence at my front door is a primary school, and I occasionally get sweet wrappers, tennis balls etc.

What's odd is that, when I left this morning, the packet had been opened and the stringy cheese contents were nowhere to be seen.

This begs the question, what the merryabercrombiechrist opened and ate the damn thing?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:49, Reply)
Clendrix :p
No thanks, I'm fine as I am :D

TGB... *nods sagely*

No3l, I'd've eaten 'em.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:50, Reply)
N03l
The chesse fairies, of course.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:51, Reply)
I'm becoming immune to ageism these days
I prefer to take comfort in my increased wisdom.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:53, Reply)
Hahaha!
*grins*

Er...
Hmm, I need some new lines.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:54, Reply)
I thought the same thing
but I had my hands full of shopping last night and forgot about them.

So... were you prowling around my house again last night? :)
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:54, Reply)
I just had an image of clendrix telling me off.
I found it rather erotic.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:54, Reply)
Kaol
Illegal cabbie in that you don't have a license to drive paying customers places in your car, or illegal in a more rape-and-evisceration way?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:55, Reply)
@Lusty
Did this image also involve being in the shower?

With lots of soap?
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:56, Reply)
Ooooh, glistening, soapy jiggling...
And will you look at that, nearly 4pm :)
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:58, Reply)
Lusty
You'd like that huh? Would ya?

*goes off to fnd suitable implements*

Wookiee: trust you to 'pop up' now.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:58, Reply)
Afternoon all
Have I missed much?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:58, Reply)
Your timing
is impeccable, wanderlust/clendrix!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 15:59, Reply)
ohhhh and the boss is just leaving.
Whatever should I do in this office all alone...

*Is naughty*

*waits to be told off*
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:00, Reply)
Lusty
You're so bad I don't know where to start. I think it might be best to just begin with a smart smack or ten.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:02, Reply)
So then I wa...
Oh...

...

I'll come back later...

*gets jealous*

*phones Mrsthegeordie to tell*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:07, Reply)
@al
Anyone would think you were going to do something naughty to my bottom!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:12, Reply)
Woah...erm...
*backs out of the room*

Edit: *quickly darts back into the room to move his bag slightly, then nips back outside while giggling*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:13, Reply)
A spot of smacking
one's thigh as we do a little line-dancing together and all the pervs come out to play.

You lot are disgusting.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:17, Reply)
They are indeed a dirty bunch
It makes me touch myself uncomfortable too.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:18, Reply)
*comes back into the room*
That.. that was terrible, it was all setup and no action! I'll never be able to sell this!

*reaches into his bag to turn the camera off*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:19, Reply)
Lab,
Just cut to some extreme close-up shots from something else.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:20, Reply)
Kaol
Sounds like a plan, maybe even one born from prior experience?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:21, Reply)
Yep.
Just make sure the skin colours and species-types match up.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:23, Reply)
Ahh, that's why you have lots of knives
To get samples for comparison?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:24, Reply)
Actually,
The knives are for stabbing people I meet over the internet :)
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:26, Reply)
Good good
So, erm, the Leamington mini-bash...yeah... not sure I can make it now, I've got to not get killed wash my hair that night.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:28, Reply)
*grins*
It'd be a shame if you don't make it.
I'd like to meat meet you.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:30, Reply)
Don't worry Lab
I've got knives - not as many as Kaol, but enough for defence.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:36, Reply)
Cheers Himjim!
I'm sure he'll be as nice as pie when we meet him.

*isn't sure at all*
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:39, Reply)
I'm lovely!
Unless I've been drinking.

But what're the chances of that?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:39, Reply)
On thesubject of drinking
How has the whiskey gone down today?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:40, Reply)
Far too easily.
*grins*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:41, Reply)
Take solace in the fact that I can throw some of mine
If we keep him at a distance, we'll be more dangerous than him!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:42, Reply)
Awh, you've got throwing knives too?
Cool!

*smiles*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:44, Reply)
*sips Strongbow*
In today's woonews, I might be hitch-hiking to Wiltshire on Saturday! Adventures!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:45, Reply)
Oh there's nothing dangerous about Kaol.
*rubs scars*
*wonders what left ear is doing now*
*limps off to meeting*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:52, Reply)
Hello
The stupid arsing people at the stupid fecking company who I have been waiting to hear from since stupid cocking Friday rung me this afternoon to tell me I won't find out whether I got the stupid bastard job until next week because they are doing stupid knobbing HEAD COUNTS.
Head counts. I ask you. How can they not know how many people there are?
Stupid jackasses.

Rant over. Sorry.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:56, Reply)
LVP
That is gash!
Not a lot else I can say really.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:58, Reply)
There there LVP
*hands kittens and booze*

It'll be ok.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:58, Reply)
Right, I'm off!
See you folks later.

*waves*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:59, Reply)
Sorry
Sorry to rant but it'll be a full 10 days later than when they told me I'd find out. 10 days is a long time when you could be earning.
Bumholes.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 16:59, Reply)
Night Kaol!
*waves*

Edit: Lucy, what a pile of shit! And there's nothing you can do - cocks.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:00, Reply)
I'm off now too, bye all!
LVP: Sorry to hear about that, it's particularly rude for a company to mess you around like that :/
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:03, Reply)
Don't worry about the ranting
I'm certain nobody minds. Not earning any money is really gash.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:04, Reply)
Grrr
It is quite rude isn't it?
Never mind, I'm off to have a doughnut and a cuddle with my mummy.
That always helps.
If not, there's always the pub.

Edit - Or cocks. There's always cocks. Al has a point there.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:05, Reply)
Al
Oh yes, my mistake. I meant to say, 'There's nothing you can do to cocks that Al and Bert haven't already tried.'

/rectified
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:08, Reply)
*wants a donut and a cuddle with a mummy*
Erm, not sure that came out right!

So is everyone leaving now? *peers*
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:08, Reply)
I'm going nowhere fast
*noms food and mooches*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:11, Reply)
I'm still here
I can't leave until 6.
:(
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:12, Reply)
*TWANG*
Something just happened in my trousers that I don't understand!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:13, Reply)
hurrah for al!
What a hero!
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:14, Reply)
I've just washed me car
So expect it to rain any second :(

*is glad she missed all the crazy stabbing Leamington people talk*

Sorry to hear that Lucy *hugs*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:16, Reply)
^
I think it's time we had a talk, No3l.

Sometimes, a man and a woman have a special cuddle. The man will feel funny in his pants, and the woman will feel funny in her pants. Then they both take their clothes off and he gets on top of her and goes "ur, ur, ur" and then the woman is pregnant.

Sometimes the woman will get on top of the man and bounce up and down like a fun trampoline. She should be careful of the man's banjo string though.

Sometimes the man goes behind the lady and they pretend they are dogs.

Sometimes, if the man is really pleased with the lady, he will give her a present. On her face. She is never happy if it goes in the eyes, though.

If the man is very lucky, he might even have two ladies to play with! Lucky man!

And that is how babies are made.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:18, Reply)
DiT
"Sometimes, if the man is really pleased with the lady, he will give her a present. On her face. She is never happy if it goes in the eyes, though"

Truer words have never been spoken.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:20, Reply)
^@Lusty
Hehehe "It burns! It burns us!"

Always aim carefully, chaps.
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:23, Reply)
Al
That made me do a very funny sounding "I've got a bunged up nose because it's full of cock laugh"
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:26, Reply)
@al
How does he do that? By putting it in their bums to stop anything coming out?

That is disgusting! Who would do something like that?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:26, Reply)
^
Perverts.







And members of the Liberal Democrats.

Don't think about it, Lusty! Come to my arms, I shall protect you!

*rotates*
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:27, Reply)
*feels all safe and warm with DiT*
What's moving about so much though?
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:30, Reply)
Sssh!
don't worry about that, it's just my, er... Pet rabbit.

Yes. That's it. My pet rabbit.




Anyway, I'm off home folks! See you later!
(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:31, Reply)
Lusty and I can love each other's bums
without any grimness.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:33, Reply)
Hey folks
Back home.

Thought I was ready for that. I really wasn't.
*lack of funny*
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:36, Reply)
*loves clendrix's bum*
*loves it hard*
Edit: not hard as in violent. But hard as in appreciates it muchly.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:36, Reply)
I did have to chuckle
at my mate Danny.
He was obviously so upset as we all were, but he has this feathered emo haircut and these massive sunglasses. With the suit he looked a cross between Reservoir Dogs and Jackie Onassis:)

*looks around*
I've ruined the bum love here, haven't I?
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:48, Reply)
Oops, sorry BK!
Puts bum away.

Well, did you feel that you got something from it? That you could send him off? Or did it all still feel too wrong?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:49, Reply)
Heya BK
Hope you're feeling ok mate. If ranting is required feel free to fire out rants from all orifices.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain V, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:51, Reply)
Right, I'm off.
massively big cuddles BK. And a saucy little spank for clendrix.

Have a lovely time at the bash those who are going!

Chat in a few days.
xxx
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:52, Reply)
@ clendrix
Undecided.

It doesn't feel real yet. His parents are amazing. They went through all the numbers in his phone and phoned the person up to tell them (they knew I already knew so I didn't get the call) and they were so gracious and kept it together so well. It was very humbling.

I felt bad, all I could think during was 'You stupid, selfish fucking bastard! Look what you've done to everyone!'
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:52, Reply)
G'night Lusty!
*spanks*

BK - anger. It's OK to feel like that. It feels wrong, but it's normal, it really is. Especially in these circumstances.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 17:53, Reply)
I can't cope with reading this
come to the evening thread instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 24 Sep 2008, 18:05, Reply)

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