No HSH thread yet?
Thursday already woo!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:03, 300 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

@TGB
Morning!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Hello folks
I also have a pub quiz this evening.

Woop!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:08, Reply)

Yay!
Hooray for Al!

Hey Edmund you can have a "hooray" as well :p

edit: and hooray for BK!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:08, Reply)

Hoorays all round!
*thanks*
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:10, Reply)

@TGB
Hooray!

Have a *hug* for hoorays!
And hoorays for hugs!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:11, Reply)

Hooray!
I have two coffees, a sack of chocolate covered coffee beans and not much work to do!

I love you guys :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:12, Reply)

The word
"hooray" just lost all meaning...

*hugs BK*

Tis another lovely clear sunny day in fair Leamington :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Yeah now I sit by a window
it's nice to see sun instead of grey skies and rain. I should look at the forecast for the weekend but I just know it's going to be rain :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:22, Reply)

Morning
Hurrah for not having to be at work for an hour yet!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:25, Reply)

Good morning, all!
Weather's nice, not a lot of work to do and things look OK.

How is everyone?
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:25, Reply)

Moanin' Bitches
*waves*
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:30, Reply)

They're tasty, but not bitter
it also depends on what kind of beans they are.

You can't eat them like sweets, but they are a nice crunchy/sweet/coffee treat.

London on Saturday!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Now this is random
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/essex/7659168.stm

Body of a school cook found in the freezer but the police aren't investigating.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Ethelred
Due to your sig I feel I have to be mean to you :p

Mrs L that is indeed very strange!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:35, Reply)

Thursday must be a day for quizzing
because I am working in my folks pub for theirs tonight so I'll put a Hooray! to that.

Here's hoping the rest of you are having good mornings.
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Morning all
Sshh Al, don't you know that the police monitor everything on the web!

How are we all today?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:40, Reply)

No pub quiz for me :(
I get to dye my friend's hair instead. Woo.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:40, Reply)

I was thinking of redoing my hair.
What colour would people suggest, I'm thinking of not going with the blonde again.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:43, Reply)

Morning you fun lovin' criminals you.
I feel ruff in the jungle today... sodding last pint of cider at midnight *mumbles*

Tonight I'll mostly be grooving to west African music at the stables with a belly full of west African food, celebrating my best mate's birthday. Friday, drinks in town, Saturday, food at the new fish restaurant in town. All of the noms!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:44, Reply)

Are you thinking
In the realms of "natural" colours, or any colour?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:45, Reply)

Anything really
But the more outlandish colours mean that I'd have to shave more often, or dye that as well.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Oh Lord
I really should stop watching Jeremy Kyle.
I'm starting to think that this world is full of nothing but scum.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:52, Reply)

I got up early so I could
spend more time on b3ta get some work done.

Ning all.

*feels like seeing some arm-action*
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:53, Reply)

Mrs L
But it is isn't it?

With a few notable exceptions, i.e. b3tans.

Edit Morning Drixy.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Oh dear, @TGB, clendrix and other smokers
This isn't good:
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/smokers-banned-from-looking-at-cigarettes-while-smoking-20080325818/
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:55, Reply)

*flexes for Clendrix*
@Dok Hmm maybe something redish? Or failing that blue!

Mrs L quick read some more of the QOTW!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:55, Reply)

And clendrix..............
*flex*

*skips away giggling*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:56, Reply)

@Mrs Liveinabin
What's the topic of the day Jeremy Kyle? The Credit Crunch? The Middle East peace process? The US election?
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

BK
In my early morning fugue, I almost believed that, until I read the line "...that may or may not contain a cobra."

Then I had a proper officelol.
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Beekers
I often go aroud like that - it's for the good of others.

Badger usurped you! I've been flexed at!

Thank you Badger - how kind.
*runs after Beekers*
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

@TGB
Naughty usurper!

*wags finger*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:58, Reply)

haha BK that's brilliant!
Any time Clendrix :p

Sadly I have to go and do some work now!! It is shocking I know!

Be good whilst I'm gone :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Can't I be
Evil instead?

Mwahahahaha!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:01, Reply)

Pirate
We'd expect nothing less ;)

God I'm bored. Entertain me, someone.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:02, Reply)

Good Ning all!
It ios a lovely day here in the City, except there is a fucking JCB digging up the road right outside my fucking window!!

It's making the building shake!

*re-enacts the 1970's disaster movie Earthquake*

Talking of which, what's your favourite disaster movie? Mine is Meteor, starring Sean Connery.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:05, Reply)

Drixy
Join in with the 'What colour Should Herr Doktor colour his hair next' game.

Reddish and blue have been suggested.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:06, Reply)

*entertains clendrix*
*dances*

*jiggles*

*jazz hands*
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:06, Reply)

Dok
Nothing - I think you should rip the whole lot out and replace it with thistles, your national, er, weed. I think it'd look ace.

Oh, Lusty!
*quivers*
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:07, Reply)

Are you not entertained?
Ok, last one!

This gave me proper office lolz
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/your-vagina-is-not-a-kitchen%2c-women-told-200809241278/

*edit*
And hello Lusty!
*facenom*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:08, Reply)

@DiT
Mine would have to be the first Airport '75.

Drixy that would be sore!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:08, Reply)

BK
Are you eating my face?
You should be careful...People might start to think there's something going on between us.
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Favourite disaster film?
"Revolver" What a frigging disaster that was!
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:11, Reply)

@ Lusty
I just like eating.

Your face happened to be there:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:14, Reply)

@BK
That article is top drawer.


Although, a wine rack is not a bad idea... ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:17, Reply)

It's a right regular
nomfest in here.

Beard update: It's got past the scratty stage, only 3 days approx till moustache reaches the top of the beard!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:19, Reply)

@himjim
That is very exciting!

*rubs himjim's beard*

*waits for 3 days extra growth*

*falls off chair*
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

Right
Off to work, see you guys later!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:22, Reply)

speaking of beards
I've lost the charger to my beard trimmer

I'm in danger of turning into ZZ Top at this rate...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:29, Reply)

@ DiT
Would have to red stored in there.

I can't see white being entirely chilled.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:32, Reply)

Well Vipros
They were less crap in their early days and you're still in your early days, so...go with it!

And we want to see pics!
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Good Morning All!
I had a lie in today (thank you Mr Flexitime), so in theory shouldn't be as tired as I am.

*observes the crazy jiggling, flexing, noming and bearding*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

It would raise some interesting questions, though.
Such as "Why do you have a 1973 Chateau Haute Pontet up your chuff, darling?"
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:39, Reply)

*returns briefly*
Talks of redecorating vaginas I see. Interesting!

Favourite disaster film? hmm... I don't watch many. I do remember laughing a lot in Dante's Peak though!

*waves at Lab and strokes his chin fluff*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:39, Reply)

@ DiT
If the answer is, "Because I lost the corkscrew", run away. Run away quite fast.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:40, Reply)

*wonders if Mr Flexitime should be BK's new name...*
I think I need more coffee this morning. My brain keeps flying off on odd tangents
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:40, Reply)

@ Pirate
I like it.

I like this too (last one I promise)
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/celebrity/lohan-urged-to-find-sexier-girlfriend-200809251281/
Sorry for any lolz and funny looks and any subsequent loss of employment this may cause.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

@DiT
easily Matrix Revolutio...

oh, that's my favourite disaster OF a movie

ermm... Towering Inferno maybe (does it count?)
(b3tamax Mate, you're fat and I'll throw you in the river, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:44, Reply)

Dante's Peak!
What a crock of shit that was - stuck in that car for days and no sign of piss or shit on himself.

Edit: Towering Inferno FTW! Love that cheesy film!
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:45, Reply)

@ clenders
If that's what you're in too I have recently acquired some "specialist" playing cards.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Am I the only.....
....who's clean shaven around here?! Whatever happened to using a gillette? :O)
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:47, Reply)

@The Stig
I shave most days, as proven by my profile pic ;)

As for my favourite disaster movie, are we limited to natural disasters, or can an element of the supernatural be involved as well?

If we're restricted to natural disasters, erm, then I can't think of one. No little earthquake/sudden ice age/volcano or forest fire can possibly be more awesome that zombies or giant monsters!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:49, Reply)

Morning All
.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:49, Reply)

Stig
You are always going to be outnumbered in your weird anti-beard thing so you may as well just get over it right now! :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:49, Reply)

Stig
I'm afraid we are in the age of the beard-wearing gentleman.

Your feeble smooth skin has no place in modern society.

The future is in hats and beards!

and I do use a Gilette for the non-bearded portions of my face betwixt sideburns and beard
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:50, Reply)

TGB
Like all freedom fighters I will never rest until my clean shaven brethren are free from your fascist, bearded ways!

Long live the shaving gel of liberty and my razor blade of freedom!

@Vipros

Great answer! :O)
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Al,
I don't like them from when they started getting stuff in the charts - I'm not being a snob though (I fucking hate music snobbery). They were OK before.

Beekers, do your 'specialist' cards relate to the Towering Inferno, or piss and shit?
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:55, Reply)

*has an image
of Stig being attacked by an army of GM beards*

*laughs*

Especially as they would be army beards and have to wear little hats!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:55, Reply)

Al
good tip. I'll try that when I have my weekly shave tonight
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:57, Reply)

TGB
You can take my life but you'll never take........MY AFTERSHAVE BALM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beardy, weardy, real ale drinking, folk music listening, sandal wearing Fascists! :OP
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 10:57, Reply)

@ clenders
The latter, although one of the blokes does look a bit like Steve McQueen.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:00, Reply)

@The Stig
Brave is the man who makes a stand against what he believes is wrong.

Foolish is the man who stands the highest against such things, as parapets were made to duck behind ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:01, Reply)

@Stig
Well I'm covered for two fifths of those.

There is nothing wrong with beards, I can take or leave them, it just depends on my mood.

People with food in their deards should be shot though!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:02, Reply)

i'm cleanshaven
how is everyone today?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:02, Reply)

I'm pleased to say I've inspired at least two people to grow beards similar to mine
one of them was considerably older than me too.

that was a good day.

He did go on to say that neither his kids nor his wife liked it and his dog wasn't sure either...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:05, Reply)

I'm currently rocking
a "too lazy to shave" beard. To be fair, I only shave about once a month, when Mrs Monkey starts to give me too much grief.

It works better that way because the bald patches on my face don't become too noticible until there's loads of hair there to make them stand out!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Piss, shit and beards.
Beekers, bring 'em with you, you dirty slag.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:06, Reply)

@ clenders
You love it!

I'll bring my "Towering Inferno" too;)
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:07, Reply)

*waves at Rachelswipe*
Hello!

The day is progressing swiftly enough, so I can't complain, and yourself?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Good morning
Everyone ok today?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

Hello 'Swipe and Lucy!
I'm in a good mood today Lucy.

How's yourself?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:10, Reply)

*runs out of work she wants to do*
I have to call people but that's more of an afternoon job.

*waves at Rachel* heehe FF dictionary thinks that should be "Bellyache" instead of Rachel!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Hey BK
I'm ok, off to meet yet another recruitment consultant today, only this one is based in Bath so it's Wiltshire based work.

So why so cheerful?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:11, Reply)

@LM
UGH, trying to work out when cause of action accrued for a mortgagee that has sat on a loan for about 20 years to see if i can recover any money for it................ it is a horribly complicated bit of law!

and al - fine, cleanwaxed, then. god, have it your way.

edit: grammarbadger - having just seen my whinge above, i think your dictionary is right.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Hmph.
I do wonder what happened to Stig to make him hate beards so.

Perhaps he was attacked by a wild beard when he was but a bairn, and now has a deep mistrust of beards everywhere.

I must say though, as a wearer of facial furniture, that not all beards should be treated equally! Some beards are just, and honest, and true, and perfectly reasonable members of society! do not hate beards because of your petty 21st century prejudices! Celebrate them as a symbol of our diversity, of our defiance of the corporate machine, of our willingness to fight for what is right! Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you - THE BEARD!

/The defence rests.

Oh, Hi swipey!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Hi LvP!
Best of luck with the recruitment consultant! Remember, if they start giving you shit, punch them right in the eye. It's the only language they understand.

Rachel: That certainly sounds complicated! I'm just looking at porn today, so nothing complex, but it does get boring after a while.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:13, Reply)

@ Lucy
I have a very nice weekend planned:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

BK
I suspected as much :)

LabM - I have a list of things I want to achieve from this meeting. It goes like this,

1) A job.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Lucy
If they don'y have one for you then just stab them in the eye untill they find one.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Rachel
I think you are more than entitled to a rargh about law stuff!

Ooh good luck Lucy hope it goes well and you get an awesomes job :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:20, Reply)

my friend sam
can be made to heave at anything, it's great entertainment. she once retched at the mere sight of a guy with a beard. between the flailing hands and the choking back of sick, all she could say was, " look at that beard." retch, heave, retch. "imagine if you had to EAT that beard."

turned out she was thinking of that horrid bit in "the twits" when dahl describes mr twit as having all that food in his beard, and how if he got hungry, he only had to run his tongue around it to retrieve some egg or a cornflake or... shit, now i'm retching.

morning DIT, morning LVP, good luck!

edit: al - smoother than a baby's bottom.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:21, Reply)

@ Lucy
Good luck with the job!

I'm sure you'll get it.
Perhaps if you eat a fruit pastille seductively?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:21, Reply)

Herr dok
That is my plan. I won't take no for an answer.

Recruitment consultants can be quite intimidating in London, all businessy and know-all. For some reason, I'm not so intimidated by the one I'm meeting today.
Her thick West-Country accent might have something to do with it!

Edit -Thanks ms swipe! I think of you whenever I make a bean based dinner, which is about 3 times a week!

BK - Do you think that would work? I normally get carried away and scoffle the lot.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Mmm...eggs and cornflakes.
Beekers, hope you've got some food in your beard by the time you get down to London.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:22, Reply)

@ Lucy
As long as you restrain yourself and just have one at a time you'll be fine

@clendrix

I actually shaved yesterday
*shames*

I'll let it grow again for next weekend.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:26, Reply)

Al
Don't take your strangeness away!
*cries*
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:29, Reply)

@al
Are you sure it's not that you think strange, and therefore visit b3ta?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

You're all talking about beards again.
You're obsessed with beards, the lot of you.

It's ok himjim I did a ninja edit.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:32, Reply)

*You're
Anyway, I like moustaches just as much.
img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/jimbo2117/Copy2ofDSC01301.jpg
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:34, Reply)

That's epic himjim
Simply epic!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:36, Reply)

I am currently
sporting a day's worth of stubble as I'm all manly and that.

*out-masculines this thread*
( Kroney, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:38, Reply)

Back from tea break.
I don't hate beards (lie), I just prefer being clean shaven.

Mind you, time has mellowed me out. I used to love long hair and hate short hair. Now it's the other way around. Long hair on me (to those who have met me) I look like a Vileda supermop! Now I have a short hair cut. It looks like this now.

img516.imageshack.us/img516/590/leonkennedybb0.png

I'll try to post a real picture when I can be bothered. It's on my mobile at the moment.

*Edit* Handlebar moustaches, REALLY grate me! Argh! In fact, facial hair of any kind! Clean shaven and short(ish) hair, that's me!
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:41, Reply)

It's very 1827 Jim
I have no idea why I chose that year really.

*boreds*
*starts thinking about lunch*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:41, Reply)

@jim
You are my facial hair hero!
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:45, Reply)

@al
you disgust me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:47, Reply)

Kroney
outmasculines? I think not

*finds most rugged picture*

www.b3tards.com/u/48ca4e4a50b7cad28251/tom.jpg

Edit: @Al and rswipe: I assumed that we all knew you were both talking about the nether regions....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:49, Reply)

I can't deal with this anymore.
The beardy goodness is making my heart feel funny.

I'm going out for some air.
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Al
:-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:50, Reply)

Lusty
Will be sliding off her chair again soon!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:51, Reply)

Watch out, everyone...
....there's a tsunami eminating from Lusty's direction!
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Haha
You say you don't hate them, and then in the next breath say that Handlebar 'taches really grate on you!

Make up your mind, old son! ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:54, Reply)

@vipros
You look like you make a living out of catching herring.

I need to change my profile picture. it was taken a good five years ago and is not representative of my current state of manly wonder.
( Kroney, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:55, Reply)

DiT
read the word after I say "I don't hate beards"....

;O)
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:56, Reply)

@ DiT
Fav disaster movie:

Deep Impact, its realistic so far as the fact that most of the world dies, yet the american government save their own arses in a cave.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Kroney
that's ironic because I actually spend all my time escaping from herring
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:58, Reply)

pft
DiT can't read!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 11:58, Reply)

Yeah
He has *special* software to make his computer read B3ta to him.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:00, Reply)

Oi!
Leave Tightly alone!


All alone.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:06, Reply)

Helloes all
Man I feel weird today. Slept for 9 and a half hours and had a horrid horrid dream. When I woke up and saw myself in the mirror one tuft of my fringe was sticking up vertically from my head... made me giggle.

Beards... hmm. My first ex couldn't shave for a while and his beard did grow to ZZ Top proportions. It started to smell after a while :(
But then he let me and my mate shave it off, and we shaved it in stages, giving him as many tachey/beardy combinations and styles as we could. I may still have the pics somewhere. It was funny, til we got to the Hitler tache... I'm still a bit traumatised by that. Although not as traumatised as I was finding the beard recently in a box :(

Edited coz apparently I've woken up being unable to spell too.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:08, Reply)

last night
I watched the Star Wars Holiday Special.

I can still feel my eyes burning.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:08, Reply)

^Fuzzy
In a box? Hilarious! Where is it now?
Do you wear it sometimes?
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:09, Reply)

@ Warmfuzzyfeeling
Like this?

www.b3tards.com/uploader.php?show=u/d428866fa3abf02a2e6a/beard.gif

I was going to man up the thread with a picture of my beard about 3 days before I got rid of it, but the best picture I can find is of me kissing another bloke! :S
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:09, Reply)

You bastards!
I don't need to 'read', oh no. I'm far too important and powerful for that. I have a person who reads for me. But she's on a break right now.

*cries*

EDIT: Except you, Clenders.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:10, Reply)

himjim
nice!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:12, Reply)

Tightly
You're just too lovely! (Except I dislike you a teeny tiny bit cos you're going to Vegas.)
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:13, Reply)

That's bizarre
DiT can the person that types for you not read? Or the person that translates your primitive gurgling noises into words :p

love you really *hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:14, Reply)

Badger...
for president of what?
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:16, Reply)

TGB
You are already mean to me, hence why I don't post much today :(
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Haha!
That's brilliant jim. Yes like that, but with sideburns too, from the "John McCririck" to the little thin Star Trek ones.

Clenders... I'm afraid to say I consigned it to the bin... obviously if I'd known about your penchant I would have parcelled it up and sent it to you. Although it did look like it had had mice living in it...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:18, Reply)

Do I...
Wear a pair of trousers that I know fit properly but I'm not so fond of, or squeeze into my favourite trousers which are a little, how can I say it, snug at the moment?

I don't want any comedy trouser splitting moments but I also don't want to wear rubbish trousers.

Dilemma.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:18, Reply)

The World!
My policies make more sense than any "real" politician.

Also vote for me and I will make October, Compulsory Beard Month

Lucy you have to go for the comfy ones! Nothing worse than not being able to breathe or wrigging around in interviews!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:19, Reply)

Fuzzy
Shame! I like mice too...

*hunts for another stray beard*

Badger...seems reasonable to me.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:20, Reply)

@TGB
Well, you just lost my vote!

@LvP

Go with the trousers you're not keen on. You may not like them, but you'll prefer them over embarassing yourself in public!
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Lucy
I have been having that problem lately. I've gone with the ones that fit properly, even though they are less nice, because there's enough to worry about with jobhunting without feeling precarious about your trousers too.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:22, Reply)

@DiT
We could be in trouble soon, us members of the short man club
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/environment/rising-sea-levels-to-reach-ronnie-corbett-20080417879/

Hurrahs to djtrialprice for intriducing me to this site.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:23, Reply)

*votes*
!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:23, Reply)

TGB
I would vote for you, but you have been mean to me and I never forget!

*ties knot in hankie*

*realises doesn't have a hankie*

*forgets*

I'll vote for ya! *grooms beard*

EDIT: Shit, BK!! I'm gonna hie me to high ground!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

^It will get you a job
with Al.


Don't ask what kind of job...
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:24, Reply)

TGB
Do you mean compulsory beards for everyone?
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

@ fuzzy
Yes. This can involve glueing on a comedy goatee.

But October is beard month for everyone.

Even babies. All babies shall resemble the offspring of Pat Mustard.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:28, Reply)

I don't need your vote Stig
But when I am elected you will be banned from shaving for all of October.

Comfy trousers for the win! Although my fav trousers are now getting a bit too big :( I don't expect sympathy for that though

Fuzzy - if women can grow beards they can this month or indeed draw them on, stick them on etc
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:28, Reply)

Looks
Where does he get these wonderful toys.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:29, Reply)

Unfortunately Al
My PVC catsuit needs sponging off so fuck it, I'm going to wear a skirt, feel comfy, and have a pasty when I've finished with the Recruitment lady.

Everyone wins.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:29, Reply)

@TGB
Screw you and your fascist dictatorship! I'll shave everyday of the year! If I have to become a political prisoner , then so be it! I'll have amnesty international on my side. I'll become an exile of the country. But I'll never bow down to your rule...........!



P.S. Could you send the council around to do something about my noisy neighbours? Ta muchly! :O)
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:31, Reply)

Al
dick duck feeder, eh?
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:31, Reply)

@TGB
I read that as 'my fav trousers are now getting a bit too long'.

Damn my necrotic eyes.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:32, Reply)

Hurrah!
I look really good in a goatee. I've often said I would have a tache if I was allowed.
And now it's mandatory!

TGB, rah rah rah!

*votes*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:34, Reply)

Me with a tache
I'm the gringo on the left
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:40, Reply)

Ooh, yeah.
Amnesty might be quite critical about TGB in one of their reports.

*shudders*

Not saying it's a bad charity at all, BTW.

Like it, fuzzy!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Right
I'm off to poke a recruitment lady in the eye until I get a job. Or at least an interview.

Then I'm going to buy a pasty. nom.

Have a nice afternoon!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:46, Reply)

@ Al
Does that mean you eat donkey dick by proxy?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:51, Reply)

Yeah
I'd cry about the criticism :(

Al vote me and I'll get the pasty place reinstated!

I am the voice of the people*

*please note, only people I like
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 12:59, Reply)

...
/comfortable silence
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:08, Reply)

comfortable clendrix
*ensnuggles*
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:09, Reply)

Mmmmm...
this is lovely.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:09, Reply)

*nods approvingly*
aww yeah! giggidy!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:12, Reply)

hehehe
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/grammar-pedants-fewer-interesting-200809031225/
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

Let's all just snuggle up here and sleep until it arrives.
*snores*
*dribbles*
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

ohhh
lovely b3ta cuddles!

*has G&T*

*nibbles cheese*

*looks at pictures of Alan Rickman*

This is the best afternoon ever!
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:19, Reply)

Damnit
I'm now craving G&T and cheese!

Just off to grab a quick bite, see you in a bit :)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:24, Reply)

Lab have you been
sneaking a look at my to do list? It actually says
Brendan Fraiser (if not available - Lab)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:25, Reply)

Room for small one
?
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:27, Reply)

Al
where are you annoying the goat?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:28, Reply)

Girl's back.
Hello Girl.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:31, Reply)

Hey GotW
And in whatever lame ass post the Goat soiled the QOTW week with
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:33, Reply)

Can we not just
roast him over an open fire? Kill two birds with one stone? Hmmm?

Edit: hello Clendrix *waves*
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:35, Reply)

Afternoon, beardmeisters!
What's going on in this razor-phobic forum?
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:36, Reply)

goat roast?
I fear it will have a nasty propaganda taste to it though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:39, Reply)

I'm back!
TGB: You're mean

As for The Goat, won't some OTers do to him what they normally do to goats?

Purely out of spite.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:43, Reply)

Too true...
but could be washed down with a nice glug of Ribena (the tooth rotting kind).

So if the Goat is such a heinous pain in the botty, why has he not been banned?
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:44, Reply)

Lab you should join
Ethelred and the MATMOTGB (movement against the meanyness of TGB)

*cries a little*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:47, Reply)

Al
he is annoying

imagine him denying editing his posts without reference. that's ridiculous.

I quite like the way he calls you mouse fart though ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:48, Reply)

Do you think
Maybe he has ass burgers or something? Seriously? Could be the reason for his lack of interweb social nous?
(GirlOfTheWorld, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:48, Reply)

TGB
Ethelred already told me about it, I thnk it's genius! ;)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:49, Reply)

Aww TGB
You can't help being mean.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

@ al
That story is genius.

This one may have a bearing on B3ta
www.thedailymash.co.uk/animals/animals-headlines/famous-people-to-spend-all-day-humping-goats-200807251123/
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:52, Reply)

TGB
I'm tempted to make a badge!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:53, Reply)

*cries more*
You're the meany now!

And the Goat is so full of so many different kinds of crap. Although I saw a video the other day that reminded me of him on that fail blog thing about rainbows appearing in sprinklers. I laughed a lot *glees*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:53, Reply)

@TGB
Ha ha! Your empire is crumbling before you've got into power!

:OP
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:56, Reply)

11 weeks till Christmas.
What is everyone buying me?
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:57, Reply)

OMG
BGB
FFS
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:58, Reply)

@ Blouse
Anti-dribble cat mats!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:00, Reply)

@BGB
I don't know. What do you want? I thought a gift voucher for Toni and Guy.
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:01, Reply)

ugh
I hate Christmas more than a misplaced apostrophe.

is aware there was one in her profile
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Badger
Have you moved that apostophe? Damn. I liked it being there - it made me laugh.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:04, Reply)

@GB
I hate christmas more that people who point out my grammar mistakes but I would just like a week off work.

Again.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:04, Reply)

I'm wondering whether to still go to the Manchester bash or not.
Advice please.

Rakky cannot go now and neither can Boss Keloid. Will be nice to meet Enzyme again and Spakkaman but I've never really spoken on here to the others. Shall I still make the effort?


Oo! Will be nice to meet Warmfuzzyfeeling too.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:08, Reply)

Personally,
I'd wait for another Leambash to roll around.

I hear they're all of the awesome.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:13, Reply)

@BGB
I'd say, skip it and come to the 18th october bash! :O)
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:14, Reply)

A week off
Sounds glorious. It's a shame I have to wait until the beginning of November for my week of doing fuck all.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:16, Reply)

BGB
Make it a road trip like I did with the London one!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:16, Reply)

@Ethel
Im 43 years old. I don't do road trips.



No London trips for me now until the middle of next year : (
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:19, Reply)

I'd recommend coming to see Vipros and his band on the 25th in Exeter
they're pretty good. and he's a great guy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

@BGB
You're joking?! Noooooo! I won't see you for agggggggeeeessss!



Dang!
(The Stig, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

@Vipros
I couldn't agree more
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:20, Reply)

@Al
I know you don't like the real life smilies really!!

I have Leambashes every weekend normally by myself

And yes Clendrix, I did like the irony but when the third person pointed it out I had to move it.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:21, Reply)

@Vipros
I'd love to come to Exeter but I have no spare cash for more trips anywhere.

Christmas will soon be here, then I'm off to America and then in April it's the mega Edinburgh bash.


*rushes out to buy scratch cards*
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:24, Reply)

*sulks about missing all these bashes*
that's what I get for living in the best part of the country....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:26, Reply)

I'll believe you!
I need some "up to date" ones they are pretty old :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:26, Reply)

Oi Vipros
A brave few of us travelled down to see you (in bloody Devon, of all places), so it's about time you came up here to see us.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Clenders
that is true and I'm still amazed about it :-)

Unfortunately I have neither the time nor the money to get away at the moment. I'm crazy busy, and skint.

I will be more available for travel next year though I am sure, so I'll definitely make it to a large one at least!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:29, Reply)

Vipros
That'll be good!
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:32, Reply)

indeed it will
as great as it was to meet you guys when you came down here, I didn't have enough time to devote!

It would be good to have a proper live b3tan session ;-)

Are they as much fun as I imagine?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:35, Reply)

Oooh me?
Aww *blush*

I didn't realise people were dropping out... I will still try to make it though, unemployment/money/possible reemployment :)
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:37, Reply)

I'm going to try and make it
If I can weasle out of having to work.

May have to save the pennies though as I'm off to Scotland the week after to see my folks and somone who is happy, little, and may feed via photosynthesis.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Noon all!
I have wasted my lunch hour sat in a Bank. What larks!

9 days to go... ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Vipros
Fun?

*checks decaying liver*
*checks empty bank account*
*checks nicotine levels*

*remembers laughing to the point of death*

Yes. Fun.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:45, Reply)

sounds like my kind of fun
if only we could smoke spliffs in public....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:48, Reply)

@ Vipros
I thought we could?

In fact its now easier than ever. There are no funny looks now when you decide to pop outside for a smoke. Pre smoking ban this would have been looked upon as very dodgy, but now everyone is outside thus allowing the clandestine consumption of said spliff.

:)
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:52, Reply)

Right.
Everybody outside.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:54, Reply)

ugh
I get the feeling this QOTW will be a rehash from "kids", "housemates from hell", "Bastard Colleagues" etc etc etc etc

General consensus?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:55, Reply)

I reckon
as always, there will be some great stories this week. Of course, as always, there'll be some rubbish too.

Sometimes, you've got to prospect before you can get gold.

*philosophises*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 14:59, Reply)

*sigh*
why do I always seem to arrive when al is being rude?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:06, Reply)

HLT
Well the ratio of Al being rude to being clean is about 100,000,000 / 1.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Because he's always being rude?
I thought I would make an appearance. How are you all?

I've just been writing up project descriptions, now making my project sound a lot better than it previously did.
Upon re-reading my proposal, I'm surprised it didn't get outright rejected.

Anything exciting been happening this fine rainy day?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:09, Reply)

*hugs Tulip*
Because Al is always here being rude.
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

My story will
be about my step sisters.

So there'll be no pearoasting from me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

@Never-right
an interesting point. The smell is what gives it away though surely...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Agrees with Ethelred
Al is always rude. Apart from the one nice thing he said all the way up there about the real life smiles which I printed out and put in a frame on my desk.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Hello again folks
I have actually been doing work.

*shocks*

*waves at hlt*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:14, Reply)

Actually
I probably have a lot of stories about my stepsisters too
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:14, Reply)

Is Al being rude?
*astounds*


At some point I will be posting a lovely tale about my adopted younger sister who is spoilt rotten but hasn't been ruined because of it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:14, Reply)

@ al
you are rude but in a nice way.

and you're right, I love it.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:16, Reply)

@ Vipros
Yes there is the smell issue but one can always find a breezy out of the way area outside most pubs. Never smoke it upwind tho.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:19, Reply)

this is true
but how then do you deal with the crippling paranoia?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:25, Reply)

@TGB and BGB
I know for sure one of them is permanently ruined, but one of them is in with a chance of saving.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:27, Reply)

@ Himjim
I'm guessing that TGB is the ruined one, shes all of teh dirteh.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:33, Reply)

Crippling Paranoia?
Blame the caffine in your tea like a guy at work does!!!"£$%$^%&*

(Or stop smoking 10-15 joints A DAY!!)

Seriously if it makes you Para no point doing it.

*adjusts foil hat*
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:36, Reply)

doesn't make me paranoid at all
otherwise I would stop ;-)

their is the very occasional case of The Fear, but that's part of the fun :-)

hasn't happened in a while
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:38, Reply)

Paranoia you say?
Well, I finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind.



*runs!*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:39, Reply)

Yeah Lolz
I get Teh fear from time to time. Like you say all part of the fun.

Whence I return home, I think I will roll one and smoke it whilst using a chainsaw on an unruly hedge.

Should be fun.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:41, Reply)

@ DiT
Dum dum dum dddddddddd dum dum dum dddddddd dum dum dum
*air guitars*
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:42, Reply)

Ethelred
What? I'm not ruined I'm freeking awesome. Also not related to Jim :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:46, Reply)

I just had an awesome thought.
Brian Blessed performing a cover of Paranoid.

"MAKE A JOKE AND I WILL SIGH AND YOU WILL LAUGH AND I WILL DIIIIIIVE!"
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Afternoon all
I'm taking a personal day from work and have been awake for approximately 2 hours and planning my next nap very soon.

How is everyone today?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:54, Reply)

Becky! Ancrenne!
*happies*
*hugs hard*

How are you, my lovelies?
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:57, Reply)

*hugs becky*
I have a cookie with your name on for you too :)

Hey Ancrenne! *hugs* I have... half a cookie with your name on I was hungry :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Hey becks
*hugs*

How are you?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Hello!
How be ye all this fair afternoon?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Glad to hear it A
I've finished watching Croupier which I remember being a lot better than it was last time I saw it and am going to start another film soon. Eyes have stopped leaking for the moment, but tiredness prevails

/emo

Edit: Fuck me, I forgot how fast this place moves during the day. Hello everyone, I'm ok, just a bit teary and mopey which is to be expected I know. Going back to work tomorrow
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 15:58, Reply)

*tacklehugs becky*
*and gives hyooge squeezes*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Afternoon Becky and Ancrenne
Many *hugs* to you Becky.

And I suppose some to you too Ancrenne.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:03, Reply)

and hello Ancrenne
*hugs*

I'm in a very tactile mood today.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:07, Reply)

Glitter?
Oh man, this takes ages to get out.

*sighs*

*shakes*

*shakes again*

Nope, still not all out. Have a good dinner last night?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:10, Reply)

My temp is picking up my mistakes.
When she leaves, I will be exposed as the faker I am.
*worries*
( thealternativefact, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:13, Reply)

Gah
Clendrix - Stupid temp. kick her.

I am in such a bad mood now due to various job related FARCES.
Grrrr.

I might need to get the joyful dog picture out to cheer me up again.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:17, Reply)

@ Lucy
*offers fruit pastille*

Did you try the seductive sweetie eating?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:18, Reply)

Half of it was missing?
Was it the bottom half? The middle half?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:20, Reply)

hello becky
*huggles*

*cakes everyone*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:21, Reply)

Grrr
I'm not even going to talk about what has happened because it isn't a big thing, it just happens to be the final straw for me.

I'm starting to believe it's a big conspiracy against me, how the hell do people actually get jobs?

I've been upset, confused and now I'm just bloody ANGRY.

I do apologise, I don't normally get angry, I've just had enough today. I'll probably cry in a minute.
Thank you for the sweet offers
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Lucy did you see the jumping dog
that made front page a while back?

www.b3tards.com/u/420c52b7900bd7084f02/funny-dog-jump.gif

It makes me do lots of lols :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Not sure yet Al
Might go for Death proof and Planet terror as it's been a while since I saw them last. Or Children of men as I've had a copy of it for a while, but not seen it.

*kicks C's temp as well and chains to desk so she can't leave*

What happened LVP?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

BAsically
Someone finally rung me about a temporary role in London on a good wage, and basically offered it to me.

She then had to ask me a few questions just for paperwork and the final question was, what have you been doing for the past three months.
As you all know I've been looking for jobs but that doesn't count as they need paper proof, a payslip, or JSA documentation.

So because I haven't had a job, I couldn't get this one. And she said to me
"Well you should have signed on sooner".

I didn't want to sign on! I wanted a job and it was practically offered to me and then whipped away again. I was so pleased at the thought of finally being with Mr VP and settling down and now I can't.

Stupid woman.

oh bugger. now i'm crying
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:29, Reply)

@ LVP
*hugs*

That's shit! Should have cunted them in the fuck!

I know how soul-destroying it is to be out of work and have nothing going your way.

You have my complete empathy.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Would it be worth
getting copies of your references and sending them to her with a letter stating that you wanted to remain self sufficient instead of relying on JSA and so didn't go onto benefits?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Bex
In all honesty, it would probably be more worthwhile to find that wench and nipplegrip her.

I shall find something else!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:33, Reply)

@ LvP
Aw honey!

*soothes/pats/cossets*

Something ace WILL come along. I was unemployed and apart from mr tulip for ages before I got me theatre gig so you have all my sympathies and understandingments and cakey things.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:36, Reply)

LVP
Have my job! Then you get to have conversations like I've just had

"Hello wanderlust's bank"
"Can I speak to John?"
"Do you know John's surname?"
"John."
"John's surname is John?"
"I want to speak to John."
"What's John's surname? His last name?"
"I don't know what you mean, can I just speak to John?"
"I need his last name I'm afraid."
"What's his last name?"
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you"
"Well if you're going to be this unhelpful I shall take me business somewhere else!"
"OK......."
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:40, Reply)

Thanks everyone
I think I've stopped being angry now.

Lusty - that job sounds ace. I hope he gets hold of John and that they are very happy together.

HLT - thanks, I know I'm not in an original situation, it's nice to know others have got through it too!

This joyful dog will help me again (I can say it cos Kaol isn't around today!) ihasahotdog.com/2008/10/05/funny-dog-pictures-joyful-zoomz11/#comments
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:42, Reply)

That's brilliantly useless that is, 'lusty
That sucks a bit LvP. I'm sure you'll find something good soon.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:42, Reply)

Lusty
There's an awesome song on the Northern Exposure soundtrack that's similar to that, only in spanish/English which makes it all the more amusing.

Nothing wrong with being angry LVP, hell I would be if I were you.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:46, Reply)

@ al
I'm glad it's not just me thinks that.

Radio 1 prank called Barry Chuckle the other week. I was not impressed!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:49, Reply)

did you look at the jumping dog?
did you did you did you did you?

My arse has gone to sleep. It is most unpleasant
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:51, Reply)

TGB
Get up and shake it. A lot.
Or self spanking.

(I am of course, talking about the numb bum, not the dog)
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:55, Reply)

Telephone Hijack Man
is not funny. I'm with you, guys!

*awakens TGBs bottom* - hang on a minute, that sounds a bit rude!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:56, Reply)

@al
No, I think they were just a bit mental! We do get some fucking weirdos call here every now and then. Like the fucking nasty old bint the other week who demanded to speak to a Canadian. I told her I couldn't guarantee that the person I put her through to would be a Canadian so she went mental at me.

Or the woman who called yesterday and said she'd lost a photocopy of a document from 1922 and needed to speak to someone. I asked her what the document was (I thought this was quite a reasonable question) so she actually shouted at me that it wasn't a document, it was a photocopy of a document from 1922 and that I was obviously a moran if I didn't know what departemt she wanted....

Take my advice kids, never work for a bank.
( wanderlust, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:58, Reply)

Hi all
Can't be fucked to read the previous 3000 replies so I'll start here. Anyone care to do a little precis for me?

I thought I'd better start posting on off topic more now I'm an unemployed scrounger, it gives me something to do that doesn't involve wearing more than pants, leaving the house or spending any money.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 16:58, Reply)

It's equally as bad trying to phone banks though
I've been trying to open a business account with HSBC (have since fucked it off because they're a shower of cunts)

*Phone central number (they don't give out branch numbers)
'Hi, can I speak to Mr Fucktard at xxx branch please?'
'Yes, can I take your account number?'
'I don't have one, I'm in the process of opening an account which is why I need to speak to him'
'Sorry, you need an account number for me to put into my computer before I can transfer you'
'I don't have one, I'm not a customer yet but I'm interested in becoming one, what sort of way is this to run a business?'
'I'll just put you on hold while I ask Pauline how to do it'
*10 min wait
'Hi there, I've spoken to Pauline, the computer doesn't let us transfer you unless we input your account number.'
'?!?!!?!?!?!?!'

If anyone knows the location of and/or would like to assist me in burning down HSBC's central call centre or head office please gaz me.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:03, Reply)

Sweets, goats
I like sweets but not allowed to eat any as they'll kill me

Goats not sure, got knocked over by one and my arm broken when very little, have had no other contact with them since apart from consuming their dairy by-products!

Maybe I won't fit in here...

Actually, has anyone seen the videos of goats whose defence against predators/instinct when frightened is to play dead?

There's piss funny videos of blokes going and shouting at fields full of them and they all fall over like dominoes. Quite a strange evolutionary trait.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:06, Reply)

Sadly the current financial climate
means no fucker is giving out business loans (and believe me I've tried them all, or nearly)

Back to working for some other cunts for a couple of years I think.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:08, Reply)

But strangely
First Direct, HSBC's more polite brothers, are awesome.

No speaking to computers, never put on hold and always get to speak to friendly Yorkshiremen.

They're even cool about temporary 'cash flow issues', and extended my overdraft by £lots for a couple of days for free to help me though something, even though I didn't ask for it.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:08, Reply)

Ha
I'm persona non grata with First Direct (did like them while I still had an account with them!)

I was overjoyed to discover that my first non student overdraft of £1500 would KEEP GIVING YOU MONEY EVEN WHEN YOU WERE OVER THE LIMIT!!!!

Must have got up to about £3.5k before the card got eaten by a machine lol, Christ knows how much of that was fees to the bank.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:12, Reply)

Yo Sam!
Never met you, but what the hell!

*throws street hand signals*

HSBC call centre is just outside Leeds. I do not, however, recommend fire.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:13, Reply)

*throws street hand signals back*
(but probably gets them wrong due to being white & middle class)

I'm open to other methods definitely, what you thinking? Napalm, dirty bomb, anthrax? I'm flexible really.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:15, Reply)

Sam
You mean the fainting goats? I've seen a vid where someone keeps opening an umbrella at them and they all fall over at once.

Also tree goats ftw!

And umemployment, hmm... seems there's a few of us in this boat. I desperately need a job now as I have nobody to share my bills with... but have become rather used to having lots of free time and it's going to be a shock to the system if I actually manage to get one...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:18, Reply)

Hello Sam
why do you not like green eggs and ham? I find them most splendid myself.

HSBC are cunts of the highest order, more so than the fuckwits I bank with now. One of my happiest moments was giving them a cheque to cover my student overdraft while I was still a student and telling them to stick their 'banking values' where the sun doesn't shine.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:20, Reply)

Evening All
I am back from work.

What has been happening here today?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:22, Reply)

Yeah, I work so much harder if it's for myself
Plus I have an aversion to any sort of authority.

I was going the whole hog, ltd company, VAT etc, just picked a fucker of a time to do it!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:24, Reply)

Right
I'm going to go and make myself a cup of tea and wait for my mummy to come home and give me a cuddle.

You are never too old for cuddles.

See you all later!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:24, Reply)

*huggles* to you ancrenne
I considered self employment... but I have come to the conclusion that at the moment getting a job will pay the bills quicker!

Am also cursing myself for not being quick enough to sign up for courses before they began...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:25, Reply)

It's the self satisfaction as much as anything
Working for yourself gives you a much better feeling inside than being a 9-5 drone for someone else, even if the wages are gash.

I took the decision a few years ago to fuck off my reasonably well-paid but soul destroying IT job in favour of going to uni to do the thing that I love and try to make that into a career rather than a hobby.

Obviously plan's gone off the rails slightly due to external financial factors, I may have to win the lottery or murder a millionaire...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:32, Reply)

Children were OK Ancrenne
I was all over the place today year 2, EAL and year 4. All good fun!

EAL was fun. That's children who heave English as an Additional Language, all you do is talk to them.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:32, Reply)

I will
go halves on your millionare Sam.

Praps we should set up a lottery syndicate too.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:35, Reply)

Which half of the millionaire do you want?
Top or bottom?

Suppose we could split them lengthways, probably be fairer.

Sadly even though I am absolutely fucking destitute (I have about £2.36 to my name and have been forced to move back with my parents) I am buying lottery tickets, just in case.

Gambling is more or less the one addiction I've never had, I could really do without developing the habit as well...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:38, Reply)

No I meant to say
have but I am a fucktard.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:39, Reply)

Yup ancrenne
Doing something you love all the time is so much better for the soul (whoops, getting a bit hippy ish here) than working 9-5 and saving up your life for the weekends.

Plus after reading your profile to try and find out more about your business I've discovered you're Welsh, so you clearly deserve to be successful.

Gaz me what your business is if you don't mind, I'm just curious! (understand the point of not wanting to link it to here)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:41, Reply)

Ah that reminds me
I should check my lottery tickets. I could already be a millionaire and not know it.

Oh, and speaking of millionaires, yes I think down the middle would be best. We could cut him in half slowly with a laser until he releases all his assets to us. Um. That sounds wrong.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 17:45, Reply)