Who's your favourite b3tan and why?
I'll go first
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:19, 97 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ancrenne
She's sexy, she's building up a worthwhile business and she's lots of fun to drink with
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:20, Reply)

*agrees*
But Tourettes and Davros come a very close second.

And the Resident Loon is third.

(Sorry Loon but it's your fault your relegated to third).
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:21, Reply)

you're

(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:24, Reply)

No.
YOU are, Al.
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Do you know what you are Kaol?


That's what you are.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:28, Reply)

I can't deny that.
As an aside, the Gods Of Shuffle have seen it fit to bless me with Spoooooooooooooonman.
*grins*
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Gimme a break.
I'm catching most of my errors. Some slip the net.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:29, Reply)

give me

(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Give me
/pedant
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:32, Reply)

*becomes even more unacceptable*

(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Oh as if you could
*strokes beard*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:41, Reply)

wellgroomedwookiee
because he will hate that I chose him, despite not being in the least bit surprised :)
( thealternativefact, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:21, Reply)

Damn right I am.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:41, Reply)

*ponders*
Will you change your username when you've finally lost the last of your hair?

Well groomed doesn't really seem fitting when you've no hair to groom :p
( Captain V, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Nope.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:16, Reply)

Kaol
'cos he's awesome AND amazing.
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:22, Reply)

You never talk to me anymore.

( thealternativefact, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Who're you?

( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:23, Reply)

Don't make eye contact with her
she'll never go away if you do that.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:25, Reply)

I come over here , start a new thread, get it hijacked by becky and suffer abuse.
*fucks off back to /talk*
( thealternativefact, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:28, Reply)

*flicks V signs at departing back*


*giggles*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:30, Reply)

I wish someone had warned me.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:39, Reply)

My favourite is Vampyrecat
because she doesn't talk to me.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:22, Reply)

I like her
because she wants to come and sponge off my taxes.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:23, Reply)

I'm gonna sponge off your taxes.
Soon, anyway.
You'll be paying for me to learn.
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:28, Reply)

I'm going to withold
my taxes in protest.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:29, Reply)

*shrugs*
It's still a moral victory on my part.
And if you ever had kids... I could be teaching them.
*laughs*
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:38, Reply)

She is very smart!
.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:06, Reply)

I have several faves, and I'm not going to boost any egos by revealing them, online.
;)

But you know who you all are.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Don't worry you won't boost my ego.
.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:34, Reply)

My favourites are the ones I would like to fuck
Because I'm shallow.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:32, Reply)

It's ok,
You can dream, but it'll never happen.
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Oh it will
By hook or by crook.

Of course, by 'hook' I mean 'dressing slutty and flirting heavily while you're intoxicated', and by 'crook' I mean 'chloroform and duct tape'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Hmmm... the Hoodbutters rank quite highly (Cptn and Mrs, that is)
Loon is quite simply awesome, VC is a very strong character despite all the shite she goes through, Humpty, Legless, Pooflake et al for the quality of their writing. Although to be honest you're all bloody lovely, and despite Kaol being perfectly fluffy he still scares the shit out of me.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 20 May 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Ha!
That's fuckin' great!
I wasn't trying to...
Must be my natural awesomeness.
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:44, Reply)

Well, you're tall and built like a brick outdoor convenience.
I am not.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 20 May 2009, 12:13, Reply)

What ever happened to
Stusut79?
(TheColonel, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:36, Reply)

He still lurks from time to time.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 20 May 2009, 11:37, Reply)

For Me..
1. Spikeypickle (If I don't choose him, he'll bully me)
2. Vampyrecat (She is all of teh win!)
3. Chart Cat (His stories have made me laugh like no other)
4. Bert (Even if he is a cunt, he amuses me)
5. Christopher Martin-Jenkins (For my favourite ever QOTW answer - www.b3ta.com/questions/funerals/post54319)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:38, Reply)

Which reminds me,
"1) The funeral of a local civic dignitary where the bereaved relatives had requested that 'Jerusalem' sung by Kings College Choir be played during the commital to the flames.
The task of sourcing the music was given to the rookie, who - unable to find a copy of Jerusalem, had decided to substitute a 'similar song'.
It was for this reason that the dearly departed's coffin sailed through the curtain to the sound of "Achy, Breaky Heart" by Billy-Ray Cyrus, the deceased having died from a coronary"
b3ta.com/questions/dirtysecrets/post91168

Best story EVER.
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:49, Reply)

TRL
He IS awesome and helped me to be awesome too. Thanks.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 May 2009, 11:40, Reply)

You're all great

(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:45, Reply)

My favourite b3tan
I have yet to meet, but we've been friends for a couple of years and I can - and frequently do - tell them anything.
( djtrialprice, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:47, Reply)

Erm
I'd have though that was obvious!

But apart from the missus, I'm not sure I should stroke any egos, although I am very fond of my adoptive daughter for the same reasons becky mentions :)

Actually, there's waaay too many to pick a favourite, although Legless gets a special mention as it's his bloody fault I'm here in the first place!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 20 May 2009, 11:47, Reply)

everyone
b3ta has been a lifesaver for me in the past; when my head has been knackered in the recent past, b3ta has always enabled me to come back to something approaching sanity.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:49, Reply)

Most of the OT crew
Many QOTWers, a few /boarders and quite a few /talkers

You all make my job bearable.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:52, Reply)

Don't forget SpankyHanky, Pooflake, and Chartcat if for no other reason
than their stories can make me laugh, laugh a lot, which is sorely needed some days.

(Plus Big Girl's Blouse and Vampyrecat because they are sweet, irreverent, and funny).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Aw fanks Micheal.
You're 32nd on my list.

Sorry but I haven't known you that long : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:46, Reply)

No, 32nd is good for me!
Unless your list is only 32 people long :-(

(I'm normally on the bottom of everyone's list).
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:08, Reply)

Well, I was always going to say
Ms Crow (not her b3tan name...) but then I do have an ever-so-slightly-vested interest.

I suppose I should make mention of The Bearded Whumpus (alas not oft seen round these parts of late due to lack of b3ta-access at work), because without him I'd never have got into this site in the first place.

The Oscillating Gibbon I have known since we were both about 5 years old. Whether that means I should be nice to him on b3ta I don't know...

Apart from that, I don't know any b3tans in real life, but the regulars of QotW and OT seem like a top bunch and help to make my working day bearable with their irreverent humour. I suggest you all give yourselves a condescending pat on the head as a token of my thanks.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:36, Reply)

Far too many
In no particular order,
Pooflake,
DG,
PJM,
Legless,
Apeloverage,
The resident loon,
BGB,
CHCB,
R Swipe,
And definitely Spanky

more when i remember them
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:45, Reply)

I bet I'm near the top of the list.
Aren't I eh!
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:48, Reply)

But of course,
Very close,
Nearly every post i read of yours either makes me laugh, cry or want to give you a big transglobalinternet hug type thing
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Legless, Pooflake and SpankyHanky
Make me laugh the most on the whole... But your all lovely and wonderful and ace
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:46, Reply)

mistaspakkaman
Because whenever I see the name I sing to the tune of Shabba Ranks 'Mr Loverman'.

"Mister Spaakka Maaaaan (Spakka!)"

(I also make up the words to the rest of the patois bit by going "hup-buh-widdle-de-biddly-bongy. Hup-bug-widdle-de-biddle-de-bee..." etc)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:48, Reply)

That alone
makes you one of my favourite b3tans.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Wed 20 May 2009, 19:45, Reply)

If we ever meet...
...I will sing it for you and show you my bitchin' moves.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 21 May 2009, 8:53, Reply)

That tune
actually inspired me to choose the particular variation on my username when I was thinking of what to call myself (the story of why I chose it in the first place is in my profile).
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:45, Reply)

Profile....
...I imagine that you look like Shabba Ranks but white and with reading glasses.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 21 May 2009, 8:55, Reply)

Monty.
Makes me laugh and is good to talk music bollocks with.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:49, Reply)

I've never met a B3tan I didn't like.
Apart from Al, obviously.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:50, Reply)

I've never met a B3tan,
Well at least not knowingly,

We should develop a secret handshake or signal.

But I'm sure I would think you all rock If/when i get to meet you.
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:02, Reply)

May I suggest you peruse the B3ta calender and pick a bash.
You can tell the B3tans in a room by the smell.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:18, Reply)

Trying to make it to the melbourne Bash
however it's 2000 odd kilometers away and im still sorting out a place to stay with friends.
also need to ask permission from my pregnant lady wife.
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:43, Reply)

Ah! an upsidedowner.
*laughs*
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I'm Unpopular
:-(
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:52, Reply)

Me too.
Get used to it.
( Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:56, Reply)

Agnostic Antichrist...
...for his honesty.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:56, Reply)

Woo!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Legless
is my all time hero on this here b3ta bollocks. Closely followed by the mighty bard of the midlands, Pooflake. Chart Cat, Undercover Carrot, PJM, Rachel S, TRL, Beckyjsbx all crack me up; loads of others too. Kaol's replies to most posts are often funnier than the posts themselves. But essentially - just to get to the heart of the matter - I like anyone whos ready, willing and able to suck me off after I buy um a pint (of Carling - I'm not made of money, mind).
( SpankyHanky, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:21, Reply)

The Dirty Weeker
as I love to goad the old scrote about The Clash. It makes my fucking day every time.

This is a joke.....kinda......

DocTugnut, Username1, Vipros, Supreme Crow for the musical shit

No3L for the 'outstanding human being' shit

& many more, for many more reasons.....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:24, Reply)

Aw
Shit, I owe you a gaz, don't I?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:42, Reply)

Tru say dat Rasta, tru say dat
*walks off with pronounced limp*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:43, Reply)

No-one
mentioned me.

This is a good thing, as you all suck.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 20 May 2009, 13:52, Reply)

You have to earn our love you know.
You can't just demand it.
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:02, Reply)

*slips fiver*
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey ;-)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:04, Reply)

It's OK
They haven't mentioned me either.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:05, Reply)

I think you are all great
Just in varying degrees of greatness.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Captian V
is my least favourite as the only person not to buy me a birthday present
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:08, Reply)

I didn't buy you one

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:10, Reply)

Yeah
but I already knew you were a cunt :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:12, Reply)

I
Didn't buy you one either!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:16, Reply)

You made me one!
the bestest glass in all the land :D
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:17, Reply)

Yes I did
But technically I didn'y buy it.

And I stole the glass from a pub!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:27, Reply)

haha
That just makes it better
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Good point
I would've totally bought you one though.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:24, Reply)

Would have been something
I actually would of wanted though?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:27, Reply)

I do actually
have great taste in presents @_@
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 20 May 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Rachelswipe
and frank spencer oh and apeloverage.
( Peej, Wed 20 May 2009, 15:02, Reply)

Agnostic Antichrist
He lets me hug him when I'm drunk and doesn't shout at me or resort to violence to make me stop.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 20 May 2009, 16:53, Reply)

Well...
not too often anyway.

*pssst* 1 fist, 3 fingers, tee hee
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 20 May 2009, 17:01, Reply)

looks back over years of posting
*tears*
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Wed 20 May 2009, 17:30, Reply)

You might not be one of my most favorite but you're definitely one of the most memorable.
Will that do you?
( girlinthehole, Wed 20 May 2009, 17:36, Reply)

.
While I'd like to say I have toomany favourites to mention and wouldn't want to let anyone feel left out, there are however four b3tans who have provided extraordinary service to b3takind, so I thought I'd give them a mention them here.

• ancrenne, for her role in this story, and also for her pants.
• Davros' Granddad for his role in this story.
• Kaol, for his role in this story.
• warmfuzzyfeeling for giving me the courage to not only continue writing this story, but to post it as well.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:43, Reply)