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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Silver lining.
Put all my weight on the crap wrist last night and it went click pop agony. Silver lining? Legitimate use of lots of tramadol at work.

So, if you had one wish, just for you, none of this altruistic shite, what would you wish for?

6 inches taller for me.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:19, 144 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
I have thought about this a lot.
I would quite like to be fluent in every language ever written/spoken.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:22, Reply)
I love your response followed immediately by Wookiee's response

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)
I don't think you people are taking this seriously enough.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:45, Reply)
true,
I'll be gutted if Porkylips turns out to be the wish fairy.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Why, you'd be Iron Man, that's cool enough

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)
that's true
if I was going to be a superhero I'd totally be like Tony Stark, none of that secret identity shit, I would braaaaaag.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:05, Reply)
I'd be spider man,
webslinging ftw.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:07, Reply)
I can do the spiderman descent thing on my pole
but it makes me laugh and then I fall off.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:13, Reply)
I can't remember where I heard this, but there was a 'friend of a friend of a friend (etc)' who spunked into his hand and then chucked it in a girl's face yelling "GO WEB GO".

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:15, Reply)
Jimmy Carr hearts that joke

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:17, Reply)
Is he really a super hero?
I mean, like Batman, people say isn't really a super hero, so I guess Iron Man falls into the same catagory.

Personally, if I was to be any super hero, I'd be Ron Jermy.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)
well I suppose arguably he's just a hero
since he has no superpowers, just lots of money. And one damn fine looking face.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:18, Reply)
It would be best to be his misses, rather than him, that way you get to looking longingly into his dreamy eyes when you want.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:23, Reply)
please, that's what a mirror is for

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)
You'd ruin his reputation if you got distracted every time you walk past a mirror.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:34, Reply)
I think everyone already knows he loves himself

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:39, Reply)
But I WOULD like a new hat.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)
what kind of hat?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)
I'm not sure.
It's a tricky problem.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:10, Reply)
you should make a list of all the hats and write their pros and cons
like Top Trumps, but for hats.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:13, Reply)
Top Hats!

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:25, Reply)
ha

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)
Hmmm, you may be on to something here.
Which categories did you have in mind?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:26, Reply)
Woolly, classic, utility, sports, novelty.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:27, Reply)
That's pretty much all of them
I want to see the Novelty section.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:30, Reply)
I feel it is important to include "Jaunty" as well.
Everyone loves a jaunty hat.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:34, Reply)
isn't that just a regular hat
but set at an angle?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:38, Reply)
I'd agree with that

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:41, Reply)
Alright then, POTENTIAL jauntiness.
Certain hats are incapable of being jaunty, after all. Such as the Biggles hat.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:51, Reply)
Perhaps jaunty could be a characteristic with varying degrees of jauntiness?
As in Trilby, classic, jauntiness 80%
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:54, Reply)
I bought a trilby for my birthday outfit
and when I asked my friend if it looked ok she said "good, but needs more jaunt"
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:01, Reply)
OOh,
For completeness we could have tribal!
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:34, Reply)
wouldn't that be novelty?
or is that offensive?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:38, Reply)
RACIST! Right there.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:40, Reply)
dammit, I'll have to change my sign now
0 days without being racist
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:01, Reply)
I think I'd like a new hat.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:22, Reply)
I liked your Mario hat
I know there's a name for them but I can't for the life of me remember what.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:25, Reply)
It's a Chain Chomp.
It's a bit warm for that one these days though.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:27, Reply)
Says the bloke who nearly shivered the cigarette out of his mouth on Saturday night.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)
How FUCKING dare you,
my grasp on a cigarette is never less than rock-solid.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)
You'll be accusing me of spilling beer next.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)
I'm terribly sorry
that I have not been able to forget the time you lit a cigarette and immediately dropped it.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:36, Reply)
And you don't think I learned from that?
Why are you being so horrible to me today?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)
I can sense anger...
are you angry that you failed?
Did it remind you of that other time as a child?
Hmmm?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:41, Reply)
You can sense my anger? Have you turned into Darth Vader?
YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:47, Reply)
I think that everyone can sense your anger, Wookiee.
You're not really hiding it.

Your mum didn't really look that much like DV. It must be the way he's doing his hair these days.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I am entirely emotionless.
Although you have reminded me, where's my bloody certificate?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:56, Reply)
I read that as if his mum is a 'he'.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:04, Reply)
DV is a he.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)

a cigarette reality
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:35, Reply)
Wotcher DG.
You weren't a fan of the Duplo Daleks, I hear?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)
Not especially.
I might get used to them.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:08, Reply)
I have chain chomp earrings

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:58, Reply)
Nice!

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:11, Reply)
Now I want to make a Chain Chomp beanbag
that would be full of awesome.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:14, Reply)
this subthread is going to confuse my vanity searches.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:20, Reply)
I'm also quite hungry
I could just Chomp my way through one of those big bags of Sensations. I don't like the balsamic vinegar ones though and everyone else says they're the best, so does that make me a Psycho?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:29, Reply)
Really?
You hid that well.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:28, Reply)
You seem to have the correct frame of mind to achieve that
I would go as far as to say that you have the right hattitude
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)
He chewed somebody's hat?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:31, Reply)
He sure did Billy
he sure did
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:33, Reply)
I chewed MY hat.
That's why I need a new one.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:33, Reply)
A lovely chap to call my own.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:24, Reply)
See if CHCB will let you take a cutting from Catface,
apparently he's pretty easy to look after.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:28, Reply)
I'd like to be "Fuck You" rich
that would be nice
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:25, Reply)
Taller, skinnier, prettier, better all round, to have a functioning brain
To have enough money to live well, and to pay my parents back for all they've done for me, better personality.

Dunno what I'd keep, to be honest.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:26, Reply)
That cheeky grin.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:27, Reply)
Oh you massive negative nancy.
You're safe enough in my books.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:32, Reply)
I know full well there's no point saying about the physical image ones, as you'll just ignore that
But I'd say you've got an absolutely cracking personality.

Still would though
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:35, Reply)
I'd like to be incredibly talented at something, whether it be sport, art, music, acting, literature etc
That way I could potentially be incredibly successful, but i would have earned it so I could enjoy the fruits of my labour knowing I had achieved it myself.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:27, Reply)
This
I'd love to be a stand up or a musician, but my major handicap is that I'm crap. It'd be nice to earn my millions but I think the best I can hope for is a lottery win.
I wouldn't mind being 5'6 either. 5'3 is rubbish.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:35, Reply)
Zombie apocalypse.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:30, Reply)
I'd like to be a billionaire so I can have a penis reduction, 12 inches is too big, I walk around with a limp half the time.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:33, Reply)
If I get a stiffy, people think I'm doing a hitler-march =(

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:33, Reply)
Buy more ring doughnuts.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)
Fat birds can't resist a good cream dou.... no, I can't finish this, it's beyond creepy.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Since when does that stop you?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)
I've decided to stop being creepy when I realised that I _do_ actually want to get laid at some point in my 20s.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:19, Reply)
Hole or pole?
We need to know.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:20, Reply)
Breasts

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:34, Reply)
Of your own or someone elses?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:37, Reply)
Yours

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)
Is hairy ok?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)
Phwooar

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:59, Reply)
There's been a silver lining to the whole issue of the hundreds of British people being stranded abroad
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8629160.stm

And as for the original question:
taller longer
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:36, Reply)
I can put up any b3tans who are stranded abroad
so long as they can get to Southern Spain where planes are still operating.

This offer only applies to female b3tans, with breasts.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:39, Reply)
To never have to worry about money again
Or I'd quite like a stable mental state.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:36, Reply)
I would like to have enough money
to buy Iron Man's house.

Actually fuck that, I want to be Iron Man.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)
actually I want to change my answer
I want you to be Iron Man too.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:41, Reply)
haha
if everyone wishes for me to be Iron Man then maybe it'll happen, the power of positive thought, etc.

You could be my Pepper Pig or whatever her name is.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:48, Reply)
Pepper Pots.
gah, don't you know ANYTHING?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:50, Reply)
I was obviously joking.
I thought you were going away this week, I was looking forward to it.

EDIT: also, I'm pretty sure it's Potts...can't you spell ANYTHING?!
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:54, Reply)
I'm going away on Thursday if the Volcano gods are appeased by then.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:59, Reply)
You should probably scrifice some virgins

I wonder where you could find some...
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)
/qotw

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:01, Reply)
haha

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:01, Reply)
Where else?

Or course Spanky has enough sex for everyone.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)
do the sloth dance
like in Ice Age :D
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)
makes me glad I'm driving to the hebrides on thursday rather than flying
or not flying as the case may be
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:04, Reply)
amphibious car?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:13, Reply)
car ferry

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:22, Reply)
will you sing Ferry 'cross the Mersey
to annoy everyone?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:02, Reply)
it seems unlikely

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:06, Reply)
you disappoint me

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:10, Reply)
I'll sing it
in the Holly Johnson style.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:17, Reply)
shitloads of money would be good
everything else (that I don't already have) is achievable after that.

i.e. more money = less time at work = more time spent playing guitar = me being as good as Slash.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:40, Reply)
+ the sound of someone taking a

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:42, Reply)
I can manage that already

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:44, Reply)
Surely you should be aiminig higher than Slash?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Blasphemy!
I wonder you would win a binging competition, Monty or Slash?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)
No contest: me.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:04, Reply)
I like his style
and he is responsible for some really great rhythm stuff as well as solos.

did some good recording work yesterday, including some good, the bad and the ugly style "ooo....ha!" sounds on one part.

might be able to get you a copy of the latest this week. is coming along nicely
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Good work, v keen to hear it. Morricone grunts are ALWAYS a good move.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:13, Reply)
I'm particularly keen on the surprise ending that we accidentally opted for

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:22, Reply)
Rape?

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:34, Reply)
close
honky-tonk piano
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:38, Reply)
Virtually interchangable terms.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:58, Reply)
I thought so

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Waits for strikethrough.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:59, Reply)
I'd like to take the Grand Tour, with my little'un.
When asked what I want to do with my life, 'swanning round the globe for several years in complete luxury, seeing all the sights and sites, learning about the world's cultures and history entirely at my own pace and with neither time nor financial constraints' has (ludicrously) been the only wholly honest answer I can give.

I am irritated to the point of distraction that given just a couple of minor changes in my family's fortunes in the past 20 years I could have got pretty close to achieving this. Stupid fucking grandfather and father.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:55, Reply)
My fiance's family once lent money to a certain Mr. Charles Darwin for a little trip he was planning
they still have the letters, but alas little of the wealth.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)
That's fascinating. I love shit like that.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Yeah it was interesting
as paper was so expensive they would write in horizontally and then vertically, so you ended up with a grid of writing.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:06, Reply)
Float a documentary idea to BBC3.
The effect of the Grand Tour on English (british?) music. They'll pay you to do it!
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:10, Reply)
THAT is a very good idea indeed.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:40, Reply)
At the moment?
I'd settle for no more tonsilitis.... Feels like i'm gargling razorblades. The only upside is the truly bizzare dreams you have when you have a fever!
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 11:57, Reply)
I used to get tonsilitis every 2 weeks
until they took my tonsils out at 19.

That well hurt.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Yeah. Used to get it loads when I was a kid.
I was gonna have my tonsils out, but we moved and by the time the operation was scheduled I rarely got it - so my parents figured I didn't need it. Haven't had tonsilitis since I was 15, till last year when I got it and now this year again. I realy fucking hope it isn't coming back :(
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:07, Reply)
Do you get holes in your throat
with white things in them?
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:12, Reply)
mmm tasty

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)
Dirty cow!

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:22, Reply)
I should have put (!)
as things like that make me gag
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:36, Reply)
Yep.
Nasty white pustules all over my tonsils... Plus a weird furry yellow/grey coating on my tounge. Oh, and I now sound like a cross between dramatic voiceover guy and a dalek! Oh well - at least I get some time off work
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:16, Reply)
Gargle with Stroh 80.
That'll sort it.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:22, Reply)
ugh that stuff is lethal
and tastes like paintstripper. The bar I used to work in sold it in little bottles and I wasn't supposed to sell more than one to each person.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:37, Reply)
I love the stuff.
Mix it thirds with captain morgan and sailor jerry. Over ice to kill some of the sweetness. Really hits the spot.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:00, Reply)
You have my sympathy

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:23, Reply)
Thanks...
I'm sticking to lucozade and soup for now I reckon. Oh and tea. Though I'm contemplating the gargling with 80% proof rum thing.... Probably won't do any long term damage
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:38, Reply)
Except it'll fry your vocal chords for a while.

(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Well that's ok
I'm trying not to use them too much at the moment anyway!
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 13:27, Reply)
DNA Reset
My DNA says what I should be if I hadn't fucked up my eyes, lungs, arteries, waistline etc. So I'd like to be reset to that aged 21.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:32, Reply)
So you could fuck it up again?
Good idea! I'd vote for that.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:36, Reply)
i'd like the hair on my head back
and to lose maybe 20 kilos

oh, and for nice straight teeth, as opposed to the wonky fuckers my orthodontist left me with
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 12:39, Reply)
A lot of the stuff I've thought of in the past has been stuff I could do myself if I really, really wanted
Lose weight, become rich etc. I think what I'd ask for is to be able to always know the right thing to say.
(, Mon 19 Apr 2010, 15:28, Reply)

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