What would you change about....
B3ta?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:22, 137 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Slow afternoon on 'Bugs and feature requests,' is it?
Erm...I don't know...Erm...

MOAR FIRE
MOAR CROWS.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Less Ladyboys.
Longhaired fops.
I remember when men were men and you could tell because they had short back and sides.
Not like today.
Grumble mutter etc.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)

More 'grumble matter'?
Like, naked chicks and that?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)

i like ladyboys

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)

This sounds like the fist pumping keyboard slaps of a bald man.
*swooshes hairykins*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Seconded.
*buffs nipples with regal locks*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Thirded
*buffs locks with regal nipples*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Fourthed
*performs nipple-locks whilst smoking Embassy Regals*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:58, Reply)

You want this lot on here?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTek4AdPkik

DO YOU REALLY, CROW-JOB? REALLY????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:30, Reply)

*test*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Excuse me?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Oh Jesus tittyfucking donkeyraping Christ
I thought I'd managed to wipe that travesty from my memory. Just one of those horrible little sparks off the dying ember of a bad dream from years long since past, perhaps triggered by walking past a council estate that even residents of Peckham would have thought twice about, perhaps briefly rekindled with a cold shudder as the bus stopped outside a Primark...I'd managed to convince myself it wasn't real...
*weeps*
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)

add a "I don't like this" button
for bullying.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)

^ this, but titled 'this is fucking shit'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)

^ this this this this this ^
i would like to click that. a lot. sometimes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:30, Reply)

All the recent stuff posted on the QOTW offtopic that you've voted as fucking shit:
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)

*Testing*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:33, Reply)

:(

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)

It's OK, it's gone now !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)

no it hasn't :(

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I would try so hard to get on the 'I Don't Like This' page

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)

It'll look like this
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/unpopular
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:40, Reply)

This took a bit off effort so it better get on the popular page.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)

I clicked it to be nice to you
and because it raised a smile.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)

FANKS

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 19:27, Reply)

lol

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)

*Clicked*

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I would change the layout to the /secret board as it's confusing at times.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Yeah, it should be more like /topsecret
only without the cashback, obviously.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 19:33, Reply)

I would like it to be a bit more proactive
Where's the blue sky thinking?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:30, Reply)

victim of the credit crunch
decided when we were all singing from the same hymnsheet
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I didn't even get the chance to touch base

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:33, Reply)

ah, colonel
you're always in with a chance of touching my base!

god i need my own "this is fucking shit" button to click on myself...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Ha Ha! Oh dear Miss Swipe
are you still affected by the dreaded lurgy?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)

nope thank goodness
i am back 137% fit for my lovely holiday next week, hoorah! how about you, is all well in the west count-ree?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Excellent, I was worried that everyones favourite lawyer was showing signs of WEAKNESS
All is well in sunny somerset. No hayfever, no summer colds. I think my chicken might have mild hayfever though.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)

how on earth would you know??
actually we had a budgie when i was a kid, that sneezed quite loudly, i take it back. OMG your chicken has bird flu!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Poor old charlie
gonna be responsible for the death of civilisation, and all she wanted to do was eat corn and crap on my patio.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)

not to be indelicate but...
(come closer and i'll whisper)... how long do chickens live, as a rule? would you get another if she went to the big nestbox in the sky?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Not sure, 5 - 8 years is good
but chickens cark it for lots of different reasons. Not sure if i'll get more.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:13, Reply)

CHICKS
would rock. all fluffy and that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Blue sky?
LIKE ON WIMBLEDON COMMON, COLIN, YOU MURDEROUS PERVERT?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)

What can I say...
A pretty young lady called Miss Trial (or was it W.P.C. Fit-Up) told me she would really fancy me if I was a psychotic murderer. I mean, what would you do?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Trialprice is a WPC?

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I've never been so offended!
Accusing me of being a pig *shudder*
( djtrialprice, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)

I'm just concerned for what happens to me in the future, old chap

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Just what you did, Col - murder some bitch.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)

I'd ban all the cunts
and make it all about ME
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)

you mean me?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)

BANNED

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)

yeah right as if you'd ban me
ME!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I need to reply to your gaz don't I?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:38, Reply)

yes you do
i have been f5-ing and pouting all day
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)

It was only last night tard.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)

i can't believe you just called me a tard
it is Wrong that this made me laugh and now my trainee (who is a tard) is staring at me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)

Throw your mug at them and get them to make you coffee.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Was there any pictures of bumholes?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:45, Reply)

erm
why would there be, is that what people normally send around these parts??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)

yup. send me a picture of your bumhole please.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)

google "arsewipe"
there should be plenty out there
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)

rachelswipe, please send us all bumhole. thank you.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)

well, seeing as you ask so nicely and all
damn, sorry, my arse won't fit in your inbox.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:01, Reply)

fact

( Kroney, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:03, Reply)

D: aw man.
I'll get the box spanners. brb.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Yes, perfectly normal.
Bumhole picture please.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:06, Reply)

How do you feel about Pugs? this is very important as I, a bonerfied plopular 3litan, need to judge this option.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)

...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)

...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Brother sucking brotherflipper.
He's totally banning himself now.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I liked Pugs before it was cool

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I'd like the 'OMG! I'm self-diagnosed autisms lolz!'
to fuck off.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Have you seen boondocks trolling on this weeks /qotw?
it's epic.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)

There's a load of crap on this week's qotw
Full of, 'Oh, look at me!! I'm BIZARRE!!!'

No you're not. You're a 16 year old.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Here you go
b3ta.com/questions/habits/post776625
His post brings all the wannabe psychoanalysts to the yard.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I have a really short attention span for that type of thing
including the cod-psychology.

I'd much rather he'd ended his post with 'and then I did her mum'

At least that'd be funny. ish.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)

just wow

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 18:04, Reply)

I don't mind the self-help group thing, as long as that's not _all_ they bring to the table.
I don't like sympathy-chasers at all, most people have had a shit deal in some department or another.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I don't mind the sad stories
but it's the whining and whinging I can't be doing with.

There is always someone worse off than yourself. Always.

Unfortunately a large proportion of people who post have an extremely small area of experience and think they've done it all and seen it all.
Most of us haven't. Honesty or humour is at least worth reading.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)

That's more of an
"I'm well cool because I don't give a fuck about other people" post. It's been a long time since I had a look at utilitarianism, but I'm sure it was a philosophy based on what's best for society over individuals rather than merely being a selfish cunt.
( Kroney, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I cannot bear to read QOTW any more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:01, Reply)

At least Spanky has been quiet for a few weeks thankfully

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Using another account probably. What do you think Bert?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Wed 7 Jul 2010, 9:56, Reply)

I tend to wait until it's closed and just read the best page
This week I relented and read a few.

Dear god. What a load of dull crap.
So I decided to add to it with a piece of my own dull crap. Fuck 'em.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)

have limited access to the site for those who don't donate & full access for those that do

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Like being able to look at other users profiles
but not gaz them?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)

Could do that
or limit the number of posts non-donators are able to make in a month
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Maybe be able to search for users better.
Filter by relationship status, location, age?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)

so you can find more victims?

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Perhaps it should turn the stats at the top of their profile into a Top Trumps card...
e.g., Psychochomp
b3tan age: 4 yrs, 1 month
/board: 31 posts
/talk: 30319
/links: 39
/qotw: 58
location: Milton Keynes
rapiness: 90/100
relationship status: rapey
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I like this. An extremely good idea.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I was making the point that all that shit is for crap dating sites
and isn't what b3ta is about.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Donate some money then
Contribute something more than just the shit you usually post.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Are you kidding me?
that's exactly what it is. I'm sure beeker would concur.
( djtrialprice, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Arf!

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:15, Reply)

he's trying to say it's a great dating site
not a crap one.

there's been a fair amount of success. you and roota, CHCB and Catface, beekers and everyone else, and Chompy and his numerous rape victims.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:15, Reply)

It's also a b3ta daisy chain

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:18, Reply)

how so?
just had a call about getting my bike fixed...

new rear wheel, new brake pads all round, new tyres, adjust brakes and gears and a couple of other bits. £110 :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)

But you're an engineery type aren't you? You could do it yourself.
Althegeordie could talk you through it on here. It'd be a bit like that bit in Airplane when that bloke played by Lloyd Bridges has talk Striker through the landing. But with centre pulling and deraillers and stuff.
(Cave Duck, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)

plus all the other ones that don't become
public knowledge ;)
( djtrialprice, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:26, Reply)

This place
is a knocking shop.
But I've struck gold with your good self. *flutters eyelashes*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)

Not in public darling
We're not like those shameless hussies chickenlady and PJM.
( djtrialprice, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)

I didn't mean it
I just want to borrow that money ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:42, Reply)

I can´t believe you lot are still here
When I have to work late, you all disapear at 4pm! Today that I have things to do, here you are, almost 6, and still on the internet.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:44, Reply)

I have to work til 6 luv!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:44, Reply)

Then you´re almost home now!
I need to tidy up my flat for some friends who are staying here for a few days.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:49, Reply)

Shove everything in the cupboards
Not that I do that.
I'm the perfect housemate... :S
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:54, Reply)

Don't worry
I'll have you well trained in no time
( djtrialprice, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:56, Reply)

That's what this mysterious
/secret board's for, isn't it?
( Kroney, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:56, Reply)

sshhhhhh

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Well if your lot
kept their big blabbery mouths shut, my lot wouldn't know about it at all!
( Kroney, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:02, Reply)

shhhh

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:22, Reply)

Well if your lot
kept their big blabbery mouths shut, my lot wouldn't know about it at all!
( Kroney, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Free chocolate
Everything can be improved with more chocolate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)

And Barbara Streisand?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)

No
Not even chocolate-covered Barbra Streisand
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Cyd Charisse?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)

I've come to the conclusion that Darth Foxtrot needs a 'time to come out of the closet' button next to his name.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)

*slow clap*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:59, Reply)

and a 'I need clapping lessons' button.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Everyday
He sits there breathing in and out, heart beating so heavily he can hear it, hand shaking he positions the cursor over the button. He closes his eyes with a sick churning going on in his stomach. About to pass out he tries to activate the muscles in his right forefinger that would click the mouse button and alieviate all the tension, all the lies and deceit.




But he collapses back into his seat and lets out a gutteral scream as the tears stream down his cheeks. The facade continues for one more day...
( djtrialprice, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I'm sure he's a lovely bloke, but he ain't half fruity.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)

he's so bent Psychochomp tried to sell him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)

It's not gay as long as your ball bags don't biff into each other like a sexual newton's cradle.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:13, Reply)

It should have Brokencyde playing in the background
of every other page you visit.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I still haven't had the 'pleasure'
What do they sound like?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Unmitigated shite

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:03, Reply)

A jam session in Primark

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:05, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TH5ibABP4U
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)

I may just dare to click on that this evening.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Like soft warm sex in your ear

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)

It should have a counter showing how many people are active in each thread

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Less discussion of balsa wood.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Goodness gracious great balsa fire.

(Cave Duck, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:24, Reply)

*chortle*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:24, Reply)

Motorhead.
Come on lad, you know what to do.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:30, Reply)

Ooh, I've had an idea.
One of those voice synthesisers, so that there could be another button, labelled, say "Read this to me," and you could have any given post read to you in the voice of Brian Blessed.

Edit: Or possibly Brian Perkins. Or maybe Humphrey Bogart. Perhaps the voice should be an option in your profile.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:49, Reply)

'Stephen Hawking' would be easiest to achieve.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 17:58, Reply)

Yes, although I find his monologues are somewhat lacking in drama and expression
Edit: Though, thinking about it, the emotional retardation implied by his synthesised voice might be appropriate for most of the qotw lolautismz.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 Jul 2010, 18:01, Reply)