I cut my commute from 30 minutes down to 22 minutes today!
anyone else had a minor victory of this sort recently?

alternatively, what has made you cry pathetically this week? I had to get shoes for the baby yesterday as he's walking now, and the box the shoes came in made me weep in a feeble manner. He's growing up TOO FAST.
( ascorbate, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:26, 196 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

WHAT? Walking?
How old is he, ffs?
( thealternativefact, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:30, Reply)

he's 10 months next week
that's what I mean about growing up too fast...
( ascorbate, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Awwh
As we're sharing kid stories, I'll tell you something my little 'un said at the weekend;
She'd just been given her school report, it was all good and she's doing really well. So I told her I'd take her shopping, get her something special for being good and asked her what she would like.
'A vibrator!' she cried, with more enthusiasm than I can convey in mere words.
After the initial shock and nervous laughter I managed to work out that she meant some kind of toy that judders about, and not some electronic dildo to stick up her vadge
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:36, Reply)

You keep teling yourself that Bert
She's a filthy harlot and no mistake
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Nah, she's a total prude
She won't even let me do anal
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)

get her drunk
and lube yourself up. Then flee to Switzerland. Worked for Roman.
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

One and three...
Roman Polanski!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

Hahaha
took me a second
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)

kids just grow up too quickly these days

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

My little girl's at the stage between not being a little girl anymore
and not being a teenager yet. I think this might be the year I finally confirm her worst fears, that Santa Claus isn't real, but other than that I'd say she's about right for her age, unlike my littlest brother who's 9 but has acted like a 40 year old since he was 3
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)

one of my friends has been 40 forever
he has a smoking jacket and slippers and he drives dead on the speed limit everywhere.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Is he your dad?
Also, I'm going to take your sig personally, and retailiate by finding your dead rat and wearing it like a cock warmer
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I was just thinking the other day "It's quite weird when you get nices or nephews that are older than their aunt or uncle".
But I guess it does happen.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Only if your mum's a slag

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

He'll be old enough for pit work soon.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:40, Reply)

she should have started him on chimney sweeping by now

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

For the first time ever
She made me a cup of tea at the weekend, it tasted like shit
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

that's because she shat in it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

She sure knows how to make her father proud

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

officelol

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I hope you screamed "what's this shit?" and threw it over her,
it's the only way they'll learn.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I cried pathetically last night at the vet's
luckily I was the only one there so the nurses just looked away awkwardly and Wiggy did that rubbish man thing of holding my hand and saying "there there".

I also cried on Friday when my stupid parents were mean to me. I'm turning soft in my old age.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

What happend at the vet's?
And, aren't men great?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

some of us are

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

you've got croissant on you

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I find it unjust the way women make those generalisations about men

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Hear hear!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Yeah!
Slags the lot of them.
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

She meant great as in really good
Not great as in vast, you fat bastard
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

shut it arse-spelunker

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)

That was a great reply
You made me laugh.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I had to have my rat put down because she was suffering
He's rubbish at trying to comfort me when I'm crying because he always ends up laughing!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I know how he feels
I say "Ohh, baby, it's ok" and cradle the missus close until she MTFUs.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Man the fuck ups?
is that like manning the torpedos only with fail?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I guess it is
I was using the acronym as a word, pronounced "Emm-tee-eff-yoos".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Oh, that's awful
Both things. I hate when people ends up laughing when I'm having a bad time.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

to be honest it usually makes me laugh telling him off for it
so it does cheer me up in a twisted way.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Really sorry to hear that Kitty
when we had to have our puts put to sleep Ms Foxtrot was a total mess. I had no idea how to deal with it at all so just tried to be comforting with little success. Sometimes men really are just crap. That's why I went back to girls.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I'm not really a crying person
so he doesn't get much practice and always looks a bit frightened.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Ms Foxtrot expects me to be good at dealing with tears
as I'm a pathetically sensitive soul myself. Unfortunately this has taught me that sometimes there's fuck all you can say, so I don't say anything for fear of making it worse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

My brother killed my rat when I was 5 andhe was 10
He took neville out of his cage and let him loose before opening the door and letting his cat in. My dad went loopy and banned him from going to Bowood and Swindon Oasis. I then got two new rats.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I must be going through a phase of something
because lately everything makes me cry a little; even programs like how to look good naked and such rubbish. I used to be a lot stronger.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Stop taking the Es at the weekend and sort yourself out.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

ahh Tearful Tuesdays

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

yeah me too!
There was a woman on embarrassing bodies who had had a double mastectomy years ago and they had the technology to craft her some new nipples and tattoo the colour in and she was so happy at the end she couldn't speak and I was all "it's so moving...*sobs*"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I know, I know
I don't know what's happened to me. I went to a wedding last weekend, and I didn't know the couple at all, first time I met them, and I was crying at the ceremony like a teenager. I don't know what I'm going to do at mine :(
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I worry about that
mostly because it will ruin my makeup
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I don't use make up, so I don't have that problem
Now, when I get nervous, I can't stop laughing. It drives Mark mad when we're lost somewhere, in the car, in the middle of the night, no maps, no signal on the phone, and all I can do is laugh and laugh until I cry. I can't even talk. And it's all because I'm terrified.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

'morning Abe
I have a question for you. (Though if you're very weepy at the moment then you'll probably cry for the state of your fellow countrymen)

There's a load of Spanish kids wandering round my department at the moment. At least, I'm fairly sure what few words I recognised from their garbled conversation were Spanish, and I must say I've not been impressed by their conduct so far.

I got into the lift with a woman who was getting off at the 5th floor. As soon as the doors opened the door was immediately blocked by two Spanish girls bent on boarding the lift. The poor woman had to practically fight her way past them to get off and even said "Can you let me get out first, please?" I don't speak Spanish, sadly, but from the tone of their voices I got the impression their conversation between the 5th and 7th floors was along the lines of "what was her problem?"

I've just been to get a cup of coffee and a large crowd of them were clogging up the refectory. They seem to have been captivated by the sandwiches on sale, as they disrupted the very orderly, typically British queue to quite literally press as many of their faces against the glass as possible whilst one of them seemed to be translating the contents of the sandwiches to the rest of them.

Now, I know they're only young, and I realise that I may simply be ignorant of cultural differences in this instance...but is this normal? Are Spanish kids normally this annoying or am I just finding their behaviour distinctly un-British?

*takes breath* Sorry, rant over.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I think this is normal teenage behavior.
IMHO
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

unfortunately this it true.
I have to fight my way through the corridors at school. Arrogant little shits think they own the world...
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

You may be right there.
Obviously I need to get this in perspective, having basically been a grumpy old man during my own teenage years. (And all my other years, for that matter...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I totally told off some kids for queue jumping at Water World yesterday
They even shuffled to the back of the queue, heads hung. I felt AWESOME.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I'm not racist but
the Spanish are a bunch of cunts every man jack of them.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Well, thanks
I'm grateful you took the time to meet every man jack of us.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

You were the best of a bad bunch.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Thanks again
I'm glad to know I'll be the last one you'll kill.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

They might be from South America too
But in any case, yes, it's a bit normal, sorry, we don't find it unpolite. The same when you are walking on the street and have a soft crash with someone, you don't turn and say sorry.

To give you an idea, we don't have a verb for "to queue" but we do have a verb for "to jump the queue". And in public transports and lifts, at the top of the doors, you can always read "please, let people out before getting in"

Sorry about that. I found it terribly difficult here at the beginning, the fact that everybody was so "polite" made me mad. It's so posh it seems unfriendly to me, and feels as if you were trying to build walls around you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

Of course we're building walls around ourselves
How else are we to keep the common folk out?

I take your point though, it's probably just a sign of our excessive politeness and the unwritten rule that people will form a queue whenever it seems sensible. (Though I still reserve the right to rail at people who don't see the common sense in letting people get out of the lift/bus/train first...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Yes, I do that too
I get very frustrated trying to go out of the train with my bike when there's a lot of people blocking the door. And I don't think they're all Spanish, no.

Then, I am, so I deal with it shouting and ringing my bike bell and asking them how they're planning to get in if I'm right there, with my bike, and they don't let me out, and that they have 10 whole minutes, can't they spare a few seconds!!??
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

And it's times just like that
when I envy the ability of Mediterranean folk to yell at a complete stranger. I always want to, but it's just so unbecoming...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

You feel so liberated!
It has some problems, this being pasionate, sometimes. Like when I'm talking with Mark about something and he thinks I'm upset just because I'm talking loudly. Bah.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

in Liverpool we don't queue
But it generally works. It gives you the opportunity to say "No, go on luv, you go first..." and smile at people and that.
Ok it sometimes means people push in and piss you off, but at least there's room for nice things, and they're spontaneous, not just because rules dictated so.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Yep, we're a bit like that
We don't like queueing, but we usually let go first nans and mums, so you feel quite good about being nice and all that.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

it really bugs me when people do that on the train
diving to get on without letting people off, it's ridiculous.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

In those cases, it's not even politeness so much as really basic fucking logic
viz., "If you let me off first, it will create more space for you and your MASSIVE BRIEFCASE and STUPID FAT HEAD, and fewer people are likely to think you're a TWAT."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Except that it's fun to shoulder-barge them back off again.
If they apologise, laugh at them.
If they say sorry sarcastically, say, 'that's ok' is a sugary-sweet voice as this enrages them further.
If they have go, then retaliate as the mood takes you.
( thealternativefact, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Nope, no minor victories
But I did well up a little from reading a story this morning. Sorry for the Daily Mail link (the comments amuse me), here it is
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:42, Reply)

His widow's a bit of a hottie isn't she

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Yep, thought so too

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Yeah, but you've still got the beer goggles on
dontcha rummie
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

is it wrong that I find the pic of her basically crying hotter than the one where she isn't?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

"A lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying"
or "I never meant to hurt you, but you're pretty when you cry".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I said that to Wiggy just last night! The lapdancey one

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Was he giving you a lapdance while crying?
Also, the second line is from a Vast song "Pretty when you cry", very sexy!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:02, Reply)

VAST
any good?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

1st album is awesome
2nd is... less so
3rd and 4th are great, but very different to the first. He moved away from the dark electronic side of the 1st album and has gone more acoustic.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

what's the first one called?
I'll check it out.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Visual Audio Sensory Theater
Some of the lyrics are a bit 'eh', but it's worth a listen for sure.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

1st is great (Visual Audio Sensory Theatre)
2nd is still good but not as strong (Music for People)
3rd is ace (Nude)
4th saw the big change and complete lack of electronica/industrial sounds falling back on acoustic guitars and violins and other strings. Very good. (April)
5th More acoustic/strings CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW GOOD THIS ALBUM IS! (Me and You)
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

cheers for the breakdown
I'll check them out

either of you two fans of 65daysofstatic?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Heard of them, but not yet had the pleasure
Would you recommend them?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I would
it has a certain "this is mindless noise" element to some of it, but in a good way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

I remember writing down 65 days of static
after I heard John Peel play them. Saw them in Cambridge (was deafened by them more like). Wasn't so impressed after that tbh.
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I've yet to see them live
I will give a review after next weekend
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

this was some years back
in a pub venue. I suspect you'll have better luck.
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

a couple of my mates see them at every opportunity
and usually their taste is ok. Hopefully they'll rock a good festival set.

I'm mildly concerned about what Iron Maiden might play. Anything up to and including Brave New World is fine by me, but I have a horrible feeling they may mostly play Brave New World onwards....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I haven't got the 5th yet, was waiting for a physical release
Your recommendation will sway me to get it tonight though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I've had the physical release for what feels like a year
Bought it online, can't remember where.

'Everything Has Changed' from that album is going to be the first dance at my wedding.
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I'd see a doctor about that
Also, what wedding?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

hahahahahahaha
I fear our first dance may end up being a mashup of "I can hear music" by The Beach Boys and "Love walked in" by Thunder....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

;)

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

the one that I'm contractually obliged to have
because I foolishly drunkenly proposed to you before we met :P
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Oh
Just checking :P
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I must have missed that then
I thought it was digital only for a while :/
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

It was
(bastardos) but you should be able to get it on CD now. Although it comes in a cardboard case :(
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I'll hit up Amazon at lunch
Ta for the heads up!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Nah, as the Bloodhound gang once sang,
"A lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying"

Edit - yowzers, mindpiss everywhere
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:54, Reply)

*starts mopping up*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

haha, I almost put that line in my post as well

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Ha!
See, who says war is hell...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Gah!
My comment speed is doubly inferior this morning! I was going to say both of this!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

There's only the quick and the dead on OT
and Agnostic Antichrist who's dead drunk
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I am still ludicrously drunk

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Only a couple of hours until lunch
then it'll be time to start drinking again

Huzzah!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

Go have a nap
We'll wake you after a couple of months
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

10 weeks and one day to be precise!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

minor victory
ignoring Bert monkeylies. Peace.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:43, Reply)

If your kid was a bird
You would probably have kicked him out by now and left him to get by on his own.

Minor victory: finishing DIY on friend's house a day early, and thereby getting to take today off to laze about and doss on the internetz.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:46, Reply)

Remove a section from
his bed/cot. the head and foot boards will form a barrier, stopping the infant from expanding during the night, thereby inhibiting growth.
( Kroney, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:49, Reply)

There was this baby seagull
And he hadn't got the guts to fly yet.
And it was teeming with rain, and the hoomans were frightening him, and his mum was far away on the very top of the library.
So he stood for ages with his beak pressed right into the corner of a dark wall, in the rain.
He looked so dejected and desperate, like he'd begun to believe that the world consisted of those two grey walls and that his mum no longer loved him.
I got teary.

An hour later he was running about and talking to his mum again and I was plotting his demise, because we all know that seagulls are vicious cunts with human eyes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Little feathery bitches
I'd do away with every one in a new and awful way.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

I know
I wouldn't have minded if he'd been eaten by coyotes or whatever.
But his misery broke my heart.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I forgot L'pool had roaming packs of coyotes
Our town once tried using hawks to get rid of the gulls. It failed. They then tried using shotguns, and ended up shooting someone's car. Needless to say, this also was a failure.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

We have hawks on campus at night
Evidently not working.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

soggy pigeons always make me sad

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:01, Reply)

The misery!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Pigeons are rubbish
And wood pigeons look stupid.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

No
I love wood pigeons.
One day I will hug one.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

We have some that come to our garden a lot
I could post one to you if you like?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

We have loads but they won't let me hug them

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

We had a baby seagull here at work a few years back
which had fallen out of the nest, and spent the next couple of weeks strolling round the gardens until he learned to fly, with his mum keeping at bay anyone who approached.

We called him George.

George Seagull, see?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I see!
There was a little straggler outside our pub for a while in a similar situation.
Seagulls seem to hate the poor landlord. He's always being savaged.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:03, Reply)

They're vicious buggers
especially when nesting. Never walk through coastal cliff areas during seagull breeding season without an umbrella, or at least a big stick.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Or a dog-lead

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I'm thinking a sword.

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

A flame-thrower

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Ah, roast seagull!
I heard the other day that a certain Chinese chain restaurant round these parts had been selling seagull masquerading as chicken.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

An Indian restaurant near me were caught on camera
When two waiters ran into the car park, grabbed a hapless duck, and pegged it back into the restaurant.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I cried pathetically when I couldn't get a chemistry question right on friday.
I must have redone it about 6 or 7 times before I worked out where I was making my mistake, and I was so so frustrated.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I've been there when coding
Only mine were angry man tears, honest!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I've got my house sorted.
Yes. Yes.

I cried last night through stress, frustration, dodgy mind mechanics, stress, misery, stress and a bit of stress.
I cried about 5 times.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I totally told Margaret Thatcher where she could stick it, as I angrily waved my now redundant pick-axe at her...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)

Too clever for this crowd mate
I thought it was BRILLIANT though. Especially for someone who wasn't born at the time of the strikes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)

you two are simpletons
I got it (and suspect others did) but it just wasn't worth responding to
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

*concurs*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

If you're so fucking brilliant
tell me what I'm thinking now

Gay jokes will be met with a look of derision and a Becky-esque slow clap
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

You're a bit tetchy this morning.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Yes I am
I apologise to anyone who gets caught in the crossfire, assuming that I like you in the first place.

Hence; sorry, Lampito
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:20, Reply)

what's up?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Nothing important or particularly interesting
Ms Foxtrot was in an arsey mood this morning and took it out on me cos she was tired. Puts me in a bad mood unless something dramatically awesome happens to distract me. Unfortunately I came to work today so very little of this nature is likely to occur.

I appreciate you asking though mate, thank you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)

He just wants to work out the best way to goad you

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)

If this is true
then he's shown considerable skill in doing so, and I have no defence against said goading

*braces*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)

believe it or not
I was genuinely curious and had no ulterior motive
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Spastic. Never reveal the master plan

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)

You're considering which of your co-workers would be best at bumming you
Go on, clap for me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)

when did I profess to be psychic?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Tomorrow

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)

ooooo

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I refuse to be labelled a simpleton
I merely made the joke. I never tried to suggest it was clever. (Though I was slightly proud of it...)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I keep looking at cute baby pictures on The Berry website.
But thankfully no hormonal changes have kicked in.
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I didn't even know I had a website,
let alone cute babies
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I'm totally maternal
I get a pang when I hold a baby and everything.
The difference is the last year or so I've just realised that I don't think one would fit into my life. And then they grow up and become people who you might not like, or they might not like you. It's too immense for me to cope with.
It still makes me a bit sad though, because I think I'd have been a nice mum.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I said this to Wiggy
I'm torn between loving the idea of sitting down with them in the mornings and doing whatever is on Art Attack, or doing everything on my bucket list, which would mean my oven would probably be inhabitable for buns.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I'm fairly against having any
as is my mrs, but just occasionally I note some rewarding aspects of it.

I just don't think they would outweight the disruptions, and I certainly can't see being able to afford them any time soon.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I've never wanted any
but my other half would love to procreate.

I can't ever see myself with a kid. But don't quote me on that.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:07, Reply)

My missus said she wants one, and asked me if I do
I said "Right now, I cannot ever see myself being a father." Maybe that'll change when I get older, but I just couldn't cope with having a child.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

same here
I have a horrible feeling that it might drive me and the mrs apart. I have no basis for that though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I definitely have a feeling it'll drive me and the lady apart
She did say "Don't worry, I'll get one out of you some day"...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

that would concern me somewhat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

it did me too
Might go get the snip...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

it's tempting

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I thought you said she didn't want any too?

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I meant same here to the last line of his post

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Me too
But I think I've made a decision. I rather have the buns, and I'll always have time in the future for the list. I'll just have to do it at a slower pace, as I'll be old, but it'll be fine.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Wiggy said that
but I want to do it all now now now whilst I'm still young and exuberant.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Well
You don't want to have kids when you're not young and exuberant, they're hard work.

I reckon early 30s is the latest I'd want to be a mum, so I need to start now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I'm dead against having children, EVAR.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

ha, I was like that 2 years ago :)
I'm totally converted now though. I still maintain that other people's children are loathesome, but mine is (to me) lovely. even when he's projecile vomiting across his cot because I dared to leave the room. That was fun. But the shoes are so so so cute and teeny tiny, and he's got gorgeous blond curls and big brown eyes and two teeny teeth which appear in his enormous grin, and he's started saying 'mama', which is a million kinds of cute. *melts*
( ascorbate, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

that was one of the first things that made me think "hmmm...maybe one day"
I saw a tiny pair of DCs in Schuh.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Me too but I just have never got the urge to procreate.
You've plenty of time yet anyway : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

I'll probably decide I want one when it's too late.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Who knows what the future will bring.

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Thanks, Doris

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Certanly not hoverboards
Michael J Fox, you're a lying cunt, and I'm glad every can of coke you open will squirt in your face.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Oh great, a new thread goes on and NOBODY TELLS ME.
I'm sitting there, F5ing, minding my own buisness, wondering where all the new conversation is gone, like a mug, and nobody tells me !

This is definatly not conclusive to the best day of my life evah
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 10:58, Reply)

I'm crying with frustration at the fucking Tax Credit helpline.
I have given them my name and national insurance number and date of birth and they are insisting that I am wrong and therefore "don't meet security requirements" but they "cannot disclose what information is incorrect" and keep telling me to phone back to go through "security clearance" again AND ALL I WANT IS A SODDING CLAIM FORM.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:00, Reply)

Can you not get one from the internetz?
Or are you one of them illegal immigrants that's just here to steal our* hard earned money?

*Ok, not mine, I'm still unemployed.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:06, Reply)

No, you can only get them by phoning for a claim form. And passing "security".

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:08, Reply)

It's worse than that
She's about to put her balaclava on
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Well, first I got all sniffy with them,
then I phoned back and tried jovial politeness.

Now I'm putting the balaclava on. Pass me the drill.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

*sucks helium*
GIVE HER THE FUCKING CLAIM FORM!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Maybe it's the Norn Irish accent?
They'll think you're straight out of the H-blocks at the maze.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Is it
A sexy balaclava?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I blinged it up a bit with sequins round the eyeholes.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:16, Reply)

eye arse s
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Aye. It winks back at ya, with a twinkle.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I shouldn't be chuckling right now

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

chuck didd
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:28, Reply)

A piddle an' a widdle in a diddle?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)

fuck off back to mumsnet

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Good start.
Now call Bertsexmonkey a cunt and you're well in here.
( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)

news just in
not much makes me sad, but this is horrible news
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-10707906
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Aw Jesus
I don't mind them getting eaten by polar bears or whatever, y'know. It's natural and swift and that.
But starving slowly to death, getting all sad and desperate and weak. Aw crap, I can't cope with it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

it's really upsetting
particularly as penguins are totally the best animal

Mrs V isn't happy about it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:26, Reply)

She must be beside herself
My mum is a penguin but she doesn't have a lot of empathy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:30, Reply)