I've eaten salad and I'm starving!!!
I'm close to breaking...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:18, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

See, your mistake was eating salad...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I know, Crow

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Crow sez:
NEEDS MOAR BACON. And possibly some cheese.

_{BECAUSE A CROW WOULD KNOW.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Bacon is icky.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Bacon is the fitness
Don't be silly
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

What are you, some sort of vegetarian?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

No, I just don't like it.
Haven't eaten it since I was ten.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Actually I had some in my fridge the other day
and I have no idea where it's gone...

BACON FAIRIES
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Yeah, that was me. Sorry ducky, I was peckish
*minces off*
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

don't let Becky hear you say that.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)

not fussed if she does hear me.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)

I think we're going to fall out if you ever say that again

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

But it is though. :(
it's so overpowering.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

You're eating it wrong
Bacon in australia must be different to british bacon
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

I can't imagine ozzy bacon is the same as British bacon
No other country seems to do it correctly
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)

This is so true

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:26, Reply)

well how do you have it then?

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:28, Reply)

crispy as fuck, in a roll
with brown sauce
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:28, Reply)

bleh.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)

It doesn't taste of weird ham or gammon
It tastes of bacon
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Well that's how bacon tastes here too.
I just don't like it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I'll convert you when you come over
I do amazing fry ups
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)

you can try,
but you won't succeed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Oh yes I will
I've converted 2 vegetarians and a non-believer in the past
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I love it lightly done with just bread and butter
or toast and butter.
People who disguise bacon with sauce are wrong.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)

It's not to disguise the bacon
a nice blob of brown sauce of your bap accentuates the bacon-y goodness
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

no bert
bacon is sick and wrong. and the minute my travelling companion wakes up and we go down to breakfast i am going to be faced with her shovelling tonnes of the streaky shite down her throat! although a bird nicked off with it yesterday, which amused me no end.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:39, Reply)

come over to my place for breakfast
I can change your mind
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

much as i never like to turn a man down when he offers breakfast
if bacon is on the menu, the polite answer has to be no thanks i'd rather stick rusty nails in my eyes!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

This exactly.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I will convert you both
you've just given my life a purpose
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

you're going on the list, rswipe
I'm never going to try to be nice to you again
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

yeah right
nobody dares to be mean to me, it's The Law.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

I can't think of anything particularly mean to say to you now
...except maybe that from the photos I've seen of you, that you look a little bit like one of those rubenesque, inbred royals from the 19th century
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:54, Reply)

well this is like
a chanel purse and a holiday in the seychelles from most blokes so i'll take it and run. slowly of course because of the rubenesque fat on my thighs.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Hahahaha, smoooooth operator.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

I don't think she wants a morsal of your streaky bacon, if you know what I mean.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

no i don't know what you mean
pls to explain?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

He means that I was implying that you'd have to stay the night in order to have breakfast
which I was, but I'm well aware that you wouldn't touch my 'streaky bacon'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

i am notoriously choosy about porking
and i can imagine streaks would be horrendously offputting.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:55, Reply)

they act like tide markers
by counting the number of streaks on my schlong, I'll know whether or not I'm in too deep
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Well, you said you didn't like bacon, which is fair enough, loads of people don't.
Take for example, the extreamly religious, extreamley alergic and the extreamly wrong. They tend to find that bacon is to salty and generally dislike the fat, which although has lot of flavour, if it's not crispy, can cling to the mouth, take time to chew, and the provides unpleasent thoughts along the lines of "Oh god, I'm in public, I can't swallow this vile thing that's in my mouth, yet I can't spit it out because I'm with some very good looking company. This is worst than the time I ordered a steak at Harvester on a date, there was more in my napkin than in me.". Streaky Bacon is called that because it has a lot more fat. Therefore, if it is not cooked to a crisp point, it has an unpleasent texture. However, to get the fat right, it means burning the meat part, which unless you're a good cook, also ruins it. When I said you don't want to try his streaky bacon, I'm using Streaky Bacon is a synomimumoumunuunmnmnmnmiuiu for his penis, which I also presume you don't want. However, I could be wrong in that regards, and if so, please accept my appologies forthwritly.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

*licks fingers and wipes eyebrows*
You'd be amazed by my pulling techniques, Gonz
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:51, Reply)

that's how my parents cook it
With butter in a frypan that is.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

grilled is best

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Yes

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I CAN'T

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Are you able to acquire more food* from anywhere?

*i.e, not more salad
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Eat some sodding food woman!

( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

I have!
It sucked!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)

MOAR CARROT STICKS!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:44, Reply)

The fucking cafe only has the world's most boring english salad
There aren't even any jacket potatoes this week.
Which is for the best really, because no matter what anyone says, a potato will do more harm than a lettuce.

I'll just keep drinking water and thinking of my fat midriff.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Have you tried eating something nice?
Like a bacon sandwich?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Aw man fucking stop it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Can't you leave the poor girl
to crash-diet-a-few-days-prior-to-seeing-her-boyfriend-again in peace?
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

*narrows eyes and thinks*
no
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Whilst there may be a sorry element of truth in this
There is also a certain frock for a certain event that I MUST fit into in less than a month
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I did a week long crash diet for a holiday
and it was hell. I was only allowed a vegetable salad with a dressing of lemon juice and only 50g of lean chicken. In the evenings I was allowed a plain or vegetable omelette with dry-fried vegetables. I rocked that bikini though so it was worth it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)

In just a week?
I bet you were waif-like from the start!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Well I am quite slim
but this was just a diet that targeted the tummy so you get a flatter stomach. It goes back on again as soon as you eat normally, but it was fine for the week I was away.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:46, Reply)

What's the diet for a spare fucking tyre?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:47, Reply)

KWIK Fit Diet
Get four men round your place with hefty tools, ask them to fuck your shit up good and proper
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

nah, food poisoning is best

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:55, Reply)

honestly
you make it sound like you're the size of a house. You don't need to diet.
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Shut it, feeder!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Just one more mouthful
You'll grow into that size 16 dress I bought you soon enough, muh-ha-ha-ha-ha-.
( djtrialprice, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

But I thought that was low in calories?
SORRY!!
/Carry On Roota
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

i failed to rescue and free a single lobster yesterday
not even the runt. they were already on the grill by the time we cruised up to the lunch island, and even i know there is no point throwing them back into the sea when they are red and dead.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:50, Reply)

tell me it lost you
like, 4 stone or something and I'm gonna go buy all teh vegetables. I've not rocked a bikini since I was 3
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Alright gal!
When I do Slimming World and exercise properly I can lose half a stone in a week.
But I lack that kind of resolve at the mo.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

hey up
I have no resolve at all,a very sweet tooth and a laggard of a thyroid. Diets are beyond my ken, but I am going swimming in a bit. I just have to be careful not to be dragged in as a lost whale
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:39, Reply)

my ting is savoury naughtiness
And my saucy new bikini is cross with me
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:41, Reply)

I'm afraid it didn't
but I can very strongly recommend the Low GI diet. You can do a crash version for a week or two for a noticeable difference and then you eat normally again but with low GI food and the weight continues to fall off. If you can make low GI a way of life then you'll stay slim. Look for cookbooks on low GI food on Amazon.

Also, no diet works without exercise, obv.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

this sounds doable
although, the problem with diets is I can't cook. Perhaps it's time to try. *resolves*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Made with tiger bread
I had one the other day, and I put some stilton in with the bacon. When I woke up from my meat & cheese coma I made myself another one.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

It's even better if you do it by toasting the tiger bread on the same griddle you did the bacon on. And then triple-deckering it with lettuce and tomato.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Nah, I don't do lettuce & tomato
I don't mind them, but it's the bacony goodness that i'm after
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

i forgot you were a bacon lover
is this your most unforgivable feature?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

errrr....YES
Although I’ve recently sacrificed the bacon in my fridge for a good cause. Charlie hasn’t been well so I fed her a rasher a day until she perked up.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:48, Reply)

your chicken eats meat?
christ it'll be taking over the world
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

She has eaten 2 whole mice in the last year
the cat next door catches them and leaves them on my lawn.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:55, Reply)

killer chicken
i had no idea, i thought they only ate corn and maybe lettuce. not that i am a total townie or anything.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I had to save a frog the other day
she had cornered it in my runner bean patch and was trying to peck it to death before swallowing the bits.

She's a devolved dinosaur!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

you should be careful
you might be next!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

She likes to peck me to get attention.
Right, lunchtime! I'm starving.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

he's also an accountant.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Heeeeeey
I also have feelings. No wait, they're considered a "benefit in kind" so I opted out of feelings using HMRC tax form CT600...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

i can get over this
it would be hypocritical of a lawyer to hold that against him. but bacon... dealbreaking stuff.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Nothing like a bacon sandwich covered in ketchup and cheap very mild chedder.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 12:56, Reply)

what classy taste you have

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

that sounds wrong even to me
ketchup? Cheap mild cheddar? GTFO
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

don't make me agree with you bert
it confuses me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I'm a fancy kinda guy.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

^ as opposed to fanciable, clearly ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)