Holeeeee sheeeeet I just had a proper look round my flat
I have a bidet and a bath big enough for two. I'm going to enjoy living there I reckon and I'll smell wonderful. Especially after a day clearing up anal gland sacculotomy's ,)

What's the last text you sent and received?

Alt q if you don't have friends to text: what's the longest commute to work you've ever had? My current record stands at 2 hours each way.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:16, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bleeding hell!
I used to commute out of Manchester and it only took me an hour and as everyone was commuting into Manchester, there were no problems with traffic.
( girlinthehole, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:28, Reply)

This was north to south london last year. On a good day it'd be an hour and a half each way

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:42, Reply)

I did SE London to West London for a while.
Hour and a half each way minimum. One zone's difference.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Mooovin on up, to the east side, to that deluxe apartment in sky.
I've never used a bidet before, I'm not against the idea but I'm not sure about when to use the toilet paper.

Can I come over one evening and try it? I might practice with one of my Flatmates water bottles so I don't look silly.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:38, Reply)

I've never used one either, don't really want to end up doing a bit of a tubgirl!
/still on the bus
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:41, Reply)

I wonder if there are YouTube instructional videos....
I'm guessing you have a dedicated towel for whipping yourself down afterwards.

It all sounds good though =)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:47, Reply)

Haha you're looking right now aren't you!
Yeah I'm really looking forward to finishing moving. My current flat is such a hole, even with a new bathroom and flooring, it's nasty and so expensive. New place is huge and cosy ayt the same time :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:01, Reply)

OK
and OK.

Longest commute was a 2 hour round trip drive.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:40, Reply)

Sexy bath times ahoy?
When I was working last summer, I had a one and a half hour commute each way, and that was if the trains were working properly, which was rarely. The record was 2 and a half hours to get home one night.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:43, Reply)

i have never had sex in a bath
sounds fun. I need a bigger bath, though
That wasn't an invitation or nothing, mind
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:59, Reply)

You keep your cougar badge away from me

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:05, Reply)

hang on, wait
you're young aren't you

/rubs hands
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:06, Reply)

Erm, nope, I'm one of the old ones
Honest. Yep, old.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:08, Reply)

*does suspicious eyes*
OOOK, but if I get a whiff of youngness...
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:13, Reply)

Honest, I'm 43
I was born in, erm, uh,

Crap.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:14, Reply)

I'm sure I should be at least a little bit
insulted at how scared you are. Instead I think I shall be proud
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:56, Reply)

just sorting out a poker night at mine
the night before the bbq in august. Longest commute is 45 mins to an hour, luckily I have always worked close to where I live, currently its a 20 minute zoom which is very nice
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:43, Reply)

Last text recieved:
"Trembles with the throbbing power of AWESOME!"
Sent:
"All day cunting breakfast"
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:46, Reply)

jealous of flat!
last text sent:

Stop sending me smiley faces fag.

Last text recieved:

A smile is all I want you miserable cunt.


Longest commute about 20 minutes, I have been very lucky.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 20:54, Reply)

The last texts I sent and received were confirmation of meeting at BODEANS tomorrow for ribs.
Oh yes. Ribbage.
Longest commute was four hours because London blew up.
( thealternativefact, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:02, Reply)

Those crazy terrorists!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:03, Reply)

WHAT? You're doing ribs without me? Sad times :(

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:26, Reply)

They hate you becky.
Sad times.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 30 Jul 2010, 0:12, Reply)

sent was "how are you today, friend?" I'm so fucking nice
recieved "good" no 'good, how are you' i have shit friends

it's been about 20 minutes which isn't so bad i reckon
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:05, Reply)

I received a text from a housemate
asking what the rhyming slang for doris is because I use it all the time. I replied there is no rhyming slang, doris just means doris.

For an added bonus I'll tell you that she text back again calling me an oddball.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:11, Reply)

Doris is foxy old bird innit?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:17, Reply)

My old man says it means the girl in question is plain and unattractive
But I just use it to describe any female, it was Jodie who text me because I call her it all the time and it winds her up.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:26, Reply)

I thought it was like Mrs Norris
I like it being universal
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:37, Reply)

I'm making it universal
although I'd call you a beatrix.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:09, Reply)

Potter?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 1:00, Reply)

Aye.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 1:12, Reply)

I thought it meant prostitute

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 0:59, Reply)

worst commute
90 miles each way - about 2hrs if the traffic wasn't spazzy

How's that for length...

And the text: some drivel about vpn devices
(CheatingRabbit, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:15, Reply)

I suppose some wet wipes would prevent 'endless wiping' scenarios
Just in case, like...

I sent "Don't worry, it was shit"
I received "Lolz"

I live 7 mins walk from work. My world is small :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:16, Reply)

I assume
The "it was shit" was in response to "How was it for you?"
(CheatingRabbit, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:22, Reply)

No it was "I can't get that chocolate off my sofa"

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:34, Reply)

Nice!

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:39, Reply)

Long Commute
I commuted to Malmo for four months.

Text? "I've just updated the website"
(JohntheDane, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 21:32, Reply)

I'm going on holiday there in a few weeks :D

( djtrialprice, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:16, Reply)

Do you need some advice of places to stay, drink or eat?

(JohntheDane, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:18, Reply)

Oooooh
we've already got a place to stay but yes, nightlife and daytime activities and venues would be hugely appreciated!
( djtrialprice, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:32, Reply)

Ah, Malmo bus terminus...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:37, Reply)

right young lady
I hope you're going to take notes from Mr John von Denmark. I'm off to bed.
( djtrialprice, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:40, Reply)

Wilco, sir!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:43, Reply)

Things to do in Malmo
www.formdesigncenter.com/html/engelska/engelska.html

Smakloken, a small restaurant in the Little Square (Lilla Torg)

the Oresund Bridge. I've driven across it but if you want to cross it, take the train, it's much easier and cheaper too. uk.oresundsbron.com/page/34

Depending on how long you have you can get a Oresund Rundt ticket which gives you travel by boat, train and bus around the area.

Finally (edit) the Malmo Museer (museum) is interesting although if you do not speak Swedish (I don't) it may be a little hard to understand.

I hope that this helps, and that you enjoy Malmo.
(JohntheDane, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:05, Reply)

my last texts, sent and received, were awesome
can't remember exactly what they were as my phone is upstairs but they were between myself and beckyjsbx. Yeah, we're like best friends IRL and everything.
( djtrialprice, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:17, Reply)

Haha, I gives good advice on moving like DON'T EVER MOVE VIA PUBLIC TRANSPORT, IT'S A CUNT etc...
second bus back tonight was great though, the driver had a rocket up his arse and drove accordingly unlike the way there :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:28, Reply)

I have lots of bins bags and boxes :)
I have no inclination to fill them :(
( djtrialprice, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:34, Reply)

Shame on you. Think of how good your new place will look when it's filled with stuff that you want and need instead of being an empty husk, crying out for an owner...

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:43, Reply)

Mine were with beckyjessabix as well
Let's adopt her
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:31, Reply)

I don't know
She's a bit too growly. Possibly damaged goods, needs a few slaps to keep her in order I'll warrant.
( djtrialprice, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:33, Reply)

She'll slap you back

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:36, Reply)

:D

( djtrialprice, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:39, Reply)

She'll more than slap the cheeky fucker next time she sees him
Besides, I've already decided I want Chickenlady and PJM to be my adoptive parents. They're aces!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:42, Reply)

Well fine then
Don't come running to me when they're killed in a freak yachting accident
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:45, Reply)

You can't say that. That's like my mum and dad you're talking about there.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:47, Reply)

Yeah well
I'll turn up in a mink coat with a cigarette holder and drag you off to my attic with no toys.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:54, Reply)

Can I bring toys with me?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:55, Reply)

No
You and that moggy will have to play pat-a-cake
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:57, Reply)

I aint coming then. No dice ladyface.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 22:59, Reply)

I'm starting to hate myself.
Let's be nice again.
Night night!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:00, Reply)

Haha, no worries love, night xx

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:05, Reply)

In terms of distance, 20 miles (Wakefield to Doncaster) - though as most of it was by train it only took 35 minutes.
In terms of actual time, Wakefield to Bradford on the bus could take anything from 45 minutes to 2 hours, depending on how bad the congestion was at the outskirts of Bradford.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:09, Reply)

Commutes to work
Longest commute: 25 minutes.
Shortest commute: 20 seconds.
Both times were by bicycle. In fact, for the second, I could get there without pedalling.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 23:49, Reply)

Anything over 90 minutes you have to think about moving/stopping over
I did a contract in York for 7 months - 2.5 hours each way. I drove up on Monday arriving at 11, worked 9 hour days, stopped in a B&B, drove back Friday lunchtime. Still bloody soul-destroying.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 7:29, Reply)

sacculotomy?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 8:31, Reply)