Lame to fame: prize for the worst celebrity-related non-story of the day
I once gave Danny John-Jules (Cat of Red Dwarf fame) advice on choosing a motorcycle helmet.

I'd like to hear your poor-quality celebrity-based stories. The less exciting the better. Did you once wait for a coffee near someone from the Bill? Did you sell a hamster to Patrick Stewart's cousin?

Best story wins... hmm. 42p via Paypal.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:32, 158 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I saw John Barnes buying school uniform for his son

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I saw the whole of the AC Milan team buying porn in Milan airport.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

all except the one footballer
who'd worked out what that shiny computer was for
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)

he was in Blade as well
no-one was more surprised than I.

I once almost stepped on Nico McBrain's foot
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:33, Reply)

He was in Blade 2
Blade = Great film
Blade 2 = Not great
Blade 3 = WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Cock-juggling thundercunt, that's why.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)

At least Jessica Biel was pretty
although her jawline seems to be expanding
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)

I prefer Blade 2 to Blade

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)

No you don't

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Luke Goss is awesome.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Yes I do
I don't want a serious plot line in a film like that, I just want mayhem.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I would throw sprouts at you
but i've just remembered that I own Blade 2 on DVD, but not the original Blade.

Hmmmmmmm....
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Nicko McBrain is awesome

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I didn't even realise it
until someone pointed it out an hour later
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I sold Steve Coogan a toaster
it was a cream Dualit two slice IIRC.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Oh and Uriah Heap
were on the same plane as us back from Munich.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Daniel O'Donnell phoned my house personally to speak to my mother
I answered the phone. Best day ever.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Did he try to paedo you?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:38, Reply)

No but possibly tried to get in about my mum

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:50, Reply)

he is gay
mary is his beard
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:51, Reply)

You are Eoin McLove

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

If only

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:50, Reply)

NiN did a thing a bit ago where the first 50 people to buy their album got a personal phone call from Trent Reznor to thank them
The first person to buy the album got taken out to dinner by him. I think I would have died of excitement, like a hamster.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)

When was this?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)

ages ago, last album release methinks
I only read about it when the competition had finished, sadface.

I think you had to buy the special edition of the album which was like £25.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)

The real reason he phoned was because the
"World's Biggest DoD Fan" died, the poor dame and therefore left all her memoribilia to the World's Second Biggest DoD Fan - my mother.

She almost died with excitement... which would've made the World's Third Biggest fan delighted...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I served breakfast to "Accrington Stanley? Oo are they?"
He was with Gruey, who was also Nine Songs penis and Tracey Barlow's fella.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:37, Reply)

At the Reading Festival
A huge number of years back...

I was doing some stewarding and as part of the deal, you got to camp in a different area, away from the paying punters. As well as a small wage (and a free festival) you also got fed twice a day.

For reasons best knows to himself (and others who also knew I suppose) the actor who played DC Rod Skate in The Bill was cooking breakfast. (Rumour has it, he was related to the bloke who had the catering contract).

Anyway, when asked how I'd like my eggs cooked, I said, 'Sun Hill side up'

He called me a cock.

I once sold a pair on trainers to Nina Cherry too.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Oh I forgot
while working Leeds festival last year, I waved Gallows through the backstage gate and sorted out where they were taking their equipment. Surely that's shit enough.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

that's they're
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)

that Sun HIll side up line is a winner
this story has no place here
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I apologise.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)

This was the front runner...
It had everything: a mundane setting, low-paid unfulfilling work (did a year of it myself) and someone I've not heard of from the bill...

Then you went and made a funny.

Sorry, pooch-pounder, you're not getting my 42p with that one.

Next!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Absolutely nothing funny there.
I wish to lodge an appeal for the 42p.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Miraclefish says: Denied
If you'd said nothing, you'd already be enjoying just over four-tenths of a pound. But no, you made a naff joke and got told to fuck off. Thus rendering your story so bad it's good.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

He never told me to fuck off.
He called me a cock.

I renounce my appeal.

Skater Rodney Mullen once let me have a go on his Skateboard in Bath. He was a nice fella. If a bit American.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:08, Reply)

I sold a Daily Mail to Paul McGann
I completely forgot to do a "Withnail & I" quote, I bet he loves it when people do that.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I used to sell him a cinema ticket once a week
in the showcase in Bristol. He would come in Tuesday or Thursday once a week for the last showing. One of the girls had a huge crush on him and asked me to get him to sign her book.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I have probably met you then
I have been to the showcase hundreds of times between 1994-2008. I now go to VUE at cribbs causeway because the showcase has become a place for teenage gangs to meet up and fight.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I probably sold you tickets
I was at Vue yesterday watching Toy Story 3. There are lot's of little shits there but at least there aren't any chav boy racers like in Brislington.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

But the showcase is a gnats chuff away from Brislington
so i'm sure they turn up in droves.

The last film I saw at the showcase was "The Dark Knight" and it was completely ruined by gangs of teenagers shouting and walking out as a big group and then walking back in as a big group. It was like a madhouse.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:11, Reply)

some douchebag chavs kept shouting "THIS IS SPARTA"
all the way through 300. I wanted to kick them into an infinite pit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I would happily never go to the cinema again because of other people

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

In the Showcase in Bris still THE BEST PLACE
To get your car broken into/nicked?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:16, Reply)

yeah it's pretty bad
Canons Marsh is much better now, apparently Clifton is really bad for car break ins now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Of course Canons Marsh in better.
It's got offices on it!

The problem with Clifton is parking, so it's no surprise there are a spate of car break ins. Once you've managed to find a space, you know it could be several weeks before you find another one, so once parked, you would be stupid to move your car.

Ideal for theives that.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I meant more the Grovesnor casino car park but you're right
edit I dont know why I replied to myself.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:24, Reply)

I'll bet he does Orange Wednesdays now.
He looks the type who'd appreciate the buy-one-get-one-free side of life.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)

he was always alone so I'd doubt it.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I was in Hamburger Union somewhere in that London
and saw Peter Stringfellow go into a branch of Waterstones.

how's that for dull and uneventful
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I've sold Dion Dublin a DVD player
My mate's in The Saint remake, and he's been in The Bill. Oh, also a major character in We Will Rock You for the first 5 years it ran.
Mr Cunningham from Hollyoaks sleazed on another friend of mine, and we shouted at Luke Cunningham in the street.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Miraclefish says: disqualified
You can't actually know them. If they know your name or face, it doesn't count. Also you lose points for knowing that he's from Hollyoaks...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Aw man, gutted

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Kris Akabusi signed my student card

( WormuIus, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)

^ Winner ^

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Did he do the laugh?
You know, the Akabusi laugh. THE LAUGH.

I'd be gutted if I met him and he didn't do the laugh. :-(
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Jonny Vaughn was one of my neighbours until a month ago
Cunt tried queue jumping me in the chemists because "he had a car waiting for him". Tosser.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:48, Reply)

What was he famous for again?
apart from going to prison for dealing coke
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:51, Reply)

He does the breakfast show for Capital radio. Used to present the Big Breakfast on C4
The little one out of Take That lived at the other end of the street. He was okay though.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:52, Reply)

That's right...Big Breakfast
never watched it (I don't like noise in the morning)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Michael Burke
Took a dump in a school-friend's downstairs bog once. Apparently it was smelly.
( Kroney, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)

My friend Stacey's friend
used to go out with John Cusack
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Mr C* from the Shamen
Once sold me some shit-quality speed.

*Not to be confused with Mel C from the Spice Girls, her drugs are spot on (I assume).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)

slightly related
I know the brother of S Club 7's old dealer
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Wow.
We move in almost the same circles.

But completely different.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Miraclefish says: This gets a special commendation
Brilliantly shit!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I thought you wrote sport on, in a really bad pun
but you didn't so it's ok.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I walked into Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin
Literally.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I was drinking a beer next to the Serpentine ...
... and Brian May wandered past with some people.

He was eating an ice-cream.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:01, Reply)

I saw George Alagiah (or however he spells his name)
in M&S once.

And I once crossed Princes Street in Edinburgh behind Prof Heinz Wolff.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Miraclefish says: This gets a special commendation
For the Prof Wolff story.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:04, Reply)

*beams with pride*

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Was he going very slowly, then stopped before reaching the other side?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

No, he just scuttled across.
I think he was racing an egg.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I see, short and quick, not long and slow.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Indeed!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:10, Reply)

my dad met him
but I can't remember the circumstances, so can't tell the story.

He did once play trumpet with Roy Castle. They were pissed and Roy got angry that he was being forced to play by the people at the gathering
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I sold Ernie Wise some lightbulbs.
He was a proper gent and that. This was before computers, so I have been unable to tell anyone about it until today. It's a load off my mind, I can tell you.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Lionel Messi's cousin
Yes, cousin, owns the tapas bar on Putney High St that I've been to a few times.

Oh and this isn't me but it's still class, Anthony (the Geordie who won Big Brother a few years back) tried it on with my housemate last night, she told him to fuck off. There was a party back at ours afterwards and he got wind of it and turned up with a couple of his mates. They got told to fuck off, my housemate recognised him when she answered the door but didn't give him the satisfaction of saying so - then he *actually* went "here, do you watch Big Brother?"! She said no, slammed the door in their faces and went back to the party. Aces.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I once gleefully inhaled Dylan Moran's second-hand smoke
while we were having coffee on the same terrace.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I went to one of his gigs and when he went off at the interval
some girls put a doll they'd made of him up on the stage. When he came back and saw it he was really freaked out. Mostly because it appeared to be wearing the exact same clothes that he had on that night. I know he dresses the same most of the time, but it was quite uncanny.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I'd say freaked out is a fairly understandable reaction
That is a very odd thing to do, it's not at all malevolent but it's not 'nice' either. It's the effort that would have required that I find unsettling.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Prince Harry
went to our Wetherspoons on a night out. There was a huge crowd of people around his table staring at him plus three or four bodyguards to make sure the staring didn't turn into talking.

Later on, I went to the bog. One of the bodyguards was in there, hanging around. "Alright?" I said. He ignored me, I think he felt he was too important. Mildly put out, I waited by the cubicles. A door opened and out walked Harry. He looked slightly startled and kept his eyes and head down. I think he was expecting some kind of "omgomg" reaction. Instead he got ignored. I'm not big on bugging famous people. Besides, I really needed a wee.
( Kroney, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:08, Reply)

You waited for a cubicle and you needed a wee?
YOU are Eoin McLove.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I don't like pissing
in a trough with the common people.
( Kroney, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Do you eat jam straight from the fridge?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I don't eat "jam"
I eat conserve. Marmalade on occasions and sometimes Marmite. Not "jam". You might just as well ask me if I collect rubbish from the shores of the Thames, sir.
( Kroney, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I can't get the flow to start
if I'm standing at a urinal with other men. If I'm there first, and in full flow when someone else comes in, it's fine, but breaking the seal is impossible when in company.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Shy bladder
'tis a curse.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:17, Reply)

one that afflicts me too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Thankfully
I seem to have a large bladder so don't need to go that often. So I can usually get through the working day by having a wee when I have my lunchtime dump.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Efficient time management of this kind
makes you Employee of the Month material.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:29, Reply)

I bloody wish
I'm staring redundancy in the face.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:31, Reply)

well piss on it then

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

yes, they are the royal family
but him and william are a bit thick, and don't seem to have any redeeming qualities. at least harry likes a bit of a drink I guess
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Takes after his old man....
I've said too much.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I like Harry better
anyone who goes to a fancy dress party dressed like a Nazi has my kind of humour. Or he's just a giant fascist, which is appropriate enough for a member of the royal family.
( Kroney, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:16, Reply)

HAHA SHY PISSER

( WormuIus, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I once let Stephen Fry
use my laptop.

*awaits strikethrough*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Miraclefish says: Denied
That was quite cool. Also, most people know who he is. And you did a nice thing.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:19, Reply)

I saw Isobel Webster
From regional news show 'Points West' in Swindon.

She had a camera man and a bloke with a oversized microphone with her.

She's quite orange, but I would. In fact, i'd be honoured to.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Y'know Barry and Yvonne, the ballroom dancers from Hi-De-Hi?
Well Barry bought some Scottish salmon in my local Tesco about three years ago.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Miraclefish says: This gets a special commendation
Extra points for having to Google who the hell they were. Also, for the unnecessary detail about type of fish. Good show.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I feel very proud right now.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Chas & Dave...
...reopened a pub where I was working and Dave smacked his head on a low beam.

I went to sixth form with Dermot O'Leary who was actually a nice bloke.

Oh, and I met the drummer from The Beloved at a party once.

[edit] And Tom Baker shops in my local Tescos. He's apparently quite mad.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I've met Dave a few times now
Sat and had a can with him in his dressing room.
Me, my dad, Mick the Stick, and Dave.
Chas never does the sociable thing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Ain't no pleasin' you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)

*weeps*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Ger'tcha!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:23, Reply)

On a mildly related note
I don't think I know or have ever met a Dave who isn't a thoroughly decent bloke.
( Kroney, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I have

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Well that's pissed on my chips.

( Kroney, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:24, Reply)

You could be right... *racks brains*
I can't think of a Dave I didn't like.

Hang on! Got it. Dave Raddon, he was a truck driver who's wages I used to pay. Probably one of the thickest men that has ever existed, or ever will exist.

The other six Daves I know are all fine.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Thickness on its own
doesn't make someone objectionable though. One of my old schoolmates was thick as pigshit, but a right decent sort of bloke. It's just the thick, ignorant, boorish types whom I would cheerfully have eliminated from existence.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Occasionally you'll meet people who compensate for a lack of brains by being a decent bloke...
...this Dave was the exception to that rule.

He bought himself a Ford Probe.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Nuff said!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:30, Reply)

What a piece of work is a Dave
how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties; in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a God!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

My mate Dave is a convicted arsonist and full-time cocaine dealer.
I still think he's a nice chap though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Bob Holness gave my puppy a fuss (Oooh-er, missus) while I was standing outside a shop.
I saw Jonathan Ross trip up a step at a comic con in the 90's. And once, I saw a local newsreader coughing as they walked down the road.

I fell asleep soon after.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Oh and the guy from Get Cape Where Cape Fly bought me a couple beers once
I've got his number in my phone but I can't call him because he's saved as "Get Cape Get Cape Fly guy" and I don't know what I'd say.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I wouldn't call him, he evidently doesn't know the name of his own band

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:35, Reply)

you should have saved it under 'cunt'
They should be called ‘Get Band Call Band Gayest Name Ever Be Shit’
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

I've shared a cab
with Barney and Gemma from children's television.

Does that count?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:32, Reply)

I can't believe I didn't think of this
Wiggy hangs out with the drummer from James not infrequently. He's a lot older than I thought. The singer is a letch.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:34, Reply)

NOT THIS AGAIN

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Sorry
I thought it was shit enough to get a place.

I'm sure you can come up with much better famous people you big name dropper
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Monty is friends with EVERY famous person mentioned here today
Apart from Mel C
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I can't help it if move in the upper echelons of society.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)

TFI Friday
Remember TFI Friday? And remember Will the producer? And remember how he was replaced by someone called Werthers in the final series?

Well, I was in a school production of The Taming of the Shrew with him. Except we called him "Woth" back then.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)

i thought you were going to say you knew Weeeeeeeel
I liked him.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Naaah.
Just his replacement.

Weeeeeeeel seems to have vanished completely: much like everyone from TFI except Chris Whatsisface.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)

No, he's everywhere
It's just that you don't see him as he is a producer.
Will Macdonald.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I once served a drink to Ronnie Barker...
... or so I'm told. I completely failed to recognise him.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)

the bassist from napalm death asked me for a spoon
i didn't have one
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)

also, the harmonica player from bad manners
was my year 7 history teacher
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

the big fat chap?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)

that's the feller
to be fair, i was backstage because my band were the (local) opening act so we were bound to run into them at some point...
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I was chatting to a mate who worked in a petrol station when Keith Barron came in
my mate said 'hello, you're Keith Barron, I'm related to you'. Keith said 'oh, right', and fucked off as quick as his podgy little legs would carry him.
( broadsword, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Also, in the 80's, I had a shit in the bassist out of Darts' mums bog
Was very much like any other bog apart from all the gold discs on the walls
( broadsword, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I said 'alright Barry' to Barry from Eastenders as he sat nursing a pint in a pub my friends wedding reception was in

( broadsword, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)

I've had a gaz from Barry from Eastenders

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

This was Barry from Eastenders from Eastenders
not Barry from Eastenders from b3ta

I'm assuming they're not the same bloke, but if they are, sorry Barry for some of my friends calling you a wanker.
( broadsword, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Lemmy
could be my father....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

My ex-boyfriend's older brother
Used to share a flat with the small blonde girl from S-Club 7. Apparently she was a right strumpet.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I saw Nicolas Cage walking along the paseo in Marbella
he took his face/off

that last bit isn't true
( broadsword, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I offered hot trance dj Gayle San a cigarette
she said no thanks
( broadsword, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Alan Cox, the UK's leading Linux boffin
was the Dungeonmaster of the AD&D campaign at my 6th form college.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

alastair mcgowan
had a coffee in the pub i was working in. sadly, as i was a chef i was stuck in the kitchen so didn't even see him, let alone serve him
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

....let alone punch him in the face.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Possibly a little late to reply now, but still...
I sold the lead singer of The Libertines a pen and notebook in WHSmiths once (I was a jibbering wreck and made a complete arse of myself) and lifted a bottle of posh single malt down from a high shelf for Kenny Baker in Morrissons.
(berk, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Sometime back in the 80s
I marked the scorebook of the Indian test cricket team during 2 one day internationals against Scotland. As a reward for my services I got to take tea with them.

Leafing through the score book I saw the details of all of the games from their tour so far - including the test series against England.

As an aside, Sunil Gavaskar, one of the highest run-scorers of all time, slept for almost all of the 2 days. He just lay flat out in the changing room. They literally woke him up, stuck his pads on, handed him his bat and pushed him out onto the field. Lazy fecker.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 10 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I practically live and breathe celebrities....
I once sat next but one to Tom Yorke on a flight to America - he had a tartan blanket oover his lap, bless.

I once passed the bloke who plays the piano in "It 'aint half hot Mum" in a street in that London.

I once sat behind Michael Foot on a bus.

I once siad "hello" to the lead singer of the Grumbleweeds in B&Q in Harehills, Leeds.

I could write for Heat magazine me.


.
(MichaelLinge (ywc), Tue 10 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

^ fabulous Grumbleweeds reference here

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

I also..
Put petrol in Miss World 1974's car (Anneline Kriel?), and....

checked Derek Guiler's oil.

(not at the same time)


.
(MichaelLinge (ywc), Tue 10 Aug 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I once worked
with the great great grand daughter of Sir Robert Peel. She had amazing norks.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 17:07, Reply)

A few years ago now
we celebrated my Grandparents 60th Wedding anniversary at the Strathmore on Morecambe seafront - big family do. My father and I stayed up very late to outdrink members of Lindisfarne who had played The Platform earlier that night........some very grumpy people at breakfast the next day!
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 17:22, Reply)