Lazy fucking fuckers who are lazy. Fuckers.
A friend of mine has been complaining about being out of work. "Oh, I've got no money, I hate it..." and so on.

I've been suggesting ways to find gainful employment. She's not long out of college and doesn't have any experience, so I was suggesting skills that can be transferred to the work environment, being very upbeat and taking time out of my day to encourage her.

(Quotes)Her: "I'm not good with spreadsheets and they're fucking pointless anyway and I don't know about data entry much."

Me: "I'm thinking about fairly generic skills that can be applied to jobs. You can still put together a robust CV which we can get out to temp agencies and recruiters."

Her: "Nahhh, I'll pass."

Lazy shit. If you're not going to help yourself, you can fuck off. The world isn't going to fall into your lap. Young/lazy types? I give up.

Country. Dogs. Need another war. National Service. Bring back hanging. Etc.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:07, 232 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

'Ere, Miraclefish,
what's the closest legal pet to a tuatara?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:09, Reply)

Sorry, a what?
Is it foreign? Or from Narnia?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:10, Reply)

It's a lizard

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:11, Reply)

New Zealand I think.
Desperately cute reptiley thing. But endangered, so there goes my chances of having one for a pet.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:11, Reply)

I just wikipedia'd it,
they're nearly a meter long you nut job.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:14, Reply)

They are SO cute
They look all cute but they're trying to look all mean and noble.
Like Pocket Dragons.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

That's nothing.
Iguanas regularly reach 6ft and make pretty good pets if you have the room. Some of them are right bastards, mind. Tegus are wonderful big lizards. Very friendly, on a level with cats for intelligence.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Ahh yeah, sorry, them.
There are a lot of fairly similar lizards. They seem to have a similar form to slimmer Rankin's Dragons. And resemble the truly awesome Frilled Dragon...


(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:14, Reply)

I don't want one with a ruff
How's Izzy?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Izzy is well.
I now also have Spike. Who's about three times the size and one eight the intelligence. His greatest joy in life is sitting on a windowsill looking at absolutely nothing. Also a baby python currently called New Snake.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Apparently lizard spit (specifically from the gila monster) might lead to a new diabetes treatment.

(Cave Duck, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

That sounds like when Wiggy tells me that jizz is good for the skin.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

I've lost count of the amount of things I've said it's good for :-)
rarely works though :-/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

Yeah, I'm trying to get people with diabetes to snog lizards.
It's cruel, but it keeps me off the streets.
(Cave Duck, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:31, Reply)

Isn't that the thing that killed Dennis Nedry?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

he deserved it
the fat fuck

but no, that was a dilophosaurus
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

man that was geeky.
I'm so turned on.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

that bodes well

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Actually...
The Dilophosaurus in the film is based on this lizard. The real dinosaur - in so far as anyone can tell with fictional atheist lizard-birds - didn't have a neck frill. They based that dinosaur around the frilled dragon because it looks cool. How'd ya like them apples?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

ooh move over Vipros.
How you doin'?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

*sobs*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Also, they don't spit acid.
Fucking Crichton. Stop messing with dinosaurs and stick to monkeys!

I'm doin' good thanks baby. Fancy coming back to my parents' garage to listen to me talk about all the technical inaccuracies that have been made in films?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Wait a sec here, I'm quite confused....
Ain't you from liverpool? I'm sure you can get those spiders as pets in the UK.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

What spiders?
You mean La Princesse?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Trantular, it's a type of spider innit?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

No, it's this little dude
Tuatara
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I want a gecko with sticky feet.
I would call him T Rex
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Aw, call him Marc!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

One of my friends has a cat called Gecko
And a gecko called Cat.

Genius.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

hahaha
When I gave my sister two of my baby gerbils (one black, one white) I named them Hitler and The Jewbil because the white one is proper mean to the black one so it's obviously a white supremacist gerbil. Since she's bought a boat to live on she's had to give them to her fiance's parents. She told them they're called Bubble and Squeak.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

that is excellent

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

our black gerbil is called Token
because I let Wiggy name him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Wiggy is awesome

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:07, Reply)

My sister
has a cat called mouse
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I've been idly considering getting a lizard or gecko
I could get a bearded dragon, and call it Trogdor or Smorg.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

I think I shouldn't while I have a Tigger
and I'll probably get bored and want something else next week.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Yeah
I wanted a pygmy hedgehog a month ago. My mates have one, but she won't let her fella dye it blue.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Ahhh, coolio.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Being unemployed and therefore poor sucks any enthusiam you may have out of you.
It's pretty depressing.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:10, Reply)

Thanks
You make me so happy Chompy.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:14, Reply)

That's just what those lazy fucking scrounger say to try and make you and me feel bad
for quite rightly being pissed off that we're subsidising their illegitimate crack addict babies that they have with fucking forrins who come over here and build their fucking mosques on the graves of babies, what would they do if you tried to build a church in Iraq?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:17, Reply)

how can you sit idly back while someone is slagging off spreadsheets?
I bet you've secretly made a chart to show what you are feeling about it already.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:17, Reply)

I would have used Excel to prove her wrong
But I can't get those fucking macros to work...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Oh yeah I skimmed over that bit.
THAT BITCH MUST PAY*

*unless she's hot
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:19, Reply)

...AND PAY IN MINGE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Don't be stupid
Chompy has never seen a minge.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:27, Reply)

It's looks a bit like your beardy mouth when you pout, right?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Normally they're less sloppy than that

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

I better see a doctor then.
Oh god I just grossed myself out.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

True story, I once made a database to work out what to have for dinner, I've lost it now, but it worked quite well.
It was quite clever, based on what I've had to eat recently, how much money I've got, what mood I'm in, if I want to cook or not. It worked like a hyraki, like

Cook / Don't Cook
Indian/Chinese/pizza/greek/turkish/burger/fast food (or japanese now) - three or four combinations of dishes in each catagory; based on price, stomach problems, what I've had previously that week or soo.
microwave meal/bung-in-oven/pasta-with-something/ - sevral things based on how much washing up I'd have, what I've got in the cupboard, if it's raining and I need to go shops, if I need to go ASDA or Marks (or now tesco too)

It also factored in if I'm going out later in that week for dinner, and what I'd have then.

Sometimes things cross over.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:24, Reply)

You should turn that into an App

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

You know what, I never thought about it like that, that someone else would find it useful.
That would be a whicked project for a first app-app (rather than web-app).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Have you asked that bird out yet?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

he asked her dad out instead
apparantly he's well up for it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:37, Reply)

I was hoping there was going to be a happy ending
or does more confusion-based hilarity have to ensue first?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I'm hoping Gonz gets a 'happy ending' with that girl too

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I meant in the rom com sense
you're filthy. Me not love you long time.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

What does ten dollars get me?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

An infection.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

Sweet!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:02, Reply)

She's on holiday, I accidently asked out her dad instead.
/ac
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Wheeee
This doesn't take your bowels into account though :/

whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com/index.php
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

I'll be honest, that is the worst feature about my self that I dislike.
I know I'm very very good at what I do, but if I had some umpth about me, I would be a lot further than where I am today. The trouble is with me, is every time I start running I get ill again, and it wares thin very easerly. I ain't given up yet though, I could quite easerly collect sick pay and let the social pay all my bills, well, not easerly because it's been a struggle every time I've tried; lost forms, wrong forms, doctor's notes going missing, being bypassed (rightly) by people who are in more dire strates than me (or at least, act like that).... but I see that as admitting defeat in my case, because I'm always going to get ill, there is no amount of want or money that would change that.

... but still, if I had more ompth, I think I'd be a lot further in life than what I am now.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:13, Reply)

Don't worry Gonz,
when I'm a millionairess you can do all my websites for all the many many companies I will own.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:33, Reply)

Awesome !
=D
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Yeah yeah yeah.
Tell us about her breasts.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

S'alright.
Clearly not good enough to secure a job or rich bloke, though...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:19, Reply)

So prostitution is not a viable career path?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Also
tell her there's a vacancy just come up in Saudi
Here
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Gives new meaning to 'nailing the housekeeper'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

oh that's mean, I laughed though.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

Fucking hell
That's nauseating.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:22, Reply)

Fuck off feminist.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:23, Reply)

that is awful
that poor woman
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

That'll learn her though.
And learn her good.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:30, Reply)

If she's just out of college
Tell her to go to uni - she can delay getting a job for another 3 years that way.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:26, Reply)

There is a red headed goddess working in the new super tesco in Bradley Stoke. Also they sell very cheap games.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Alright Bob.
Enjoy the football last night? Were you cheering Spurs to victory?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:29, Reply)

As much as I hate spurs. I am quite looking forward to watching them get raped in Europe. 28 minutes until the draw I love football.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Curse you for not answering my question in the negative.
I was hoping you were going to say you were cheering for the opposition last night.

Then I could have said, that after looking after your nephew earlier this week, 'Not for the first time this week have you been yelling and panting 'cum on Young Boys'

But you didn't, so I can't say that now can I?

What games do Tesco sell on the cheap?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Sticky Biscuit

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Is that for 'value' wanks?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:36, Reply)

If you want I could edit my post and let you do some copy and pasting? you sick fucker.

Loads most of the new releases are only £30 but Tiger Woods for 11 quid, Street Fighter 15, Mass Effect 2 15.

I am looking forward to Liverpool game later now. Midweek football is brilliant.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Computer games are rubbish.
Tell me more about the red-head.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:41, Reply)

first point dog fucker you are wrong.

2nd point she is on the checkout two away from me and looked like freckly redheaded version of sienna miller. Very smiley. Next time I will scan the tills to see if she is working.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

scan the tills?
ROFL
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I was hoping Harry would be dragged out into the circle
and immolated by the fans if they lost.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I know a guy who was lamenting being unemployed and then he finally got a job
but he worked out that he was only £87 a month better off and that the commute wasn't worth it so he quit and went back to benefits.

I wanted to slap him around a bit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:39, Reply)

This is why a lot of folk are on benefits
The jobs they could get if they could be bothered to get off their arses often pay only a fraction more than the benefits they were on.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:44, Reply)

That was top of my list of things I wanted to see a change in when looking at manifestos this year
benefits overhaul so people couldn't take the piss.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Same here
I know a couple of people who genuinely deserve the benefits they're on (for medical reasons), but there are too many people who take the piss.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

Yeah me too, a girl I know was just about to have her baby when her bloke fell down the stairs and put his arm through a window, slicing all his tendons
so he couldn't use his hand. They had so much trouble getting the council to pay their rent while he recovered, yet there are fat lazy slags next door who seem to get it all for free.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:53, Reply)

When I was with my ex, I looked into buying a place here, that was part ownership
They said I'd have to be registered on the council housing list, even though I didn't want a council flat. I tried to apply, and they said I earned too much, but I only just earned enough for the banks to lend me the mortgage required for the part ownership. Catch 22.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

really it was because they didn't want your type living there.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Probably true
That was during the awkward period of my life where I insisted on punctuating my sentences with groin thrusts.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Oh labs,
Cheers for the NIN help, I was out all day yesterday and today, but I'll check it out tonight.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I haven't been here much of this afternoon so I don't know if you've been around or not
but I'm still going to say it.

YOU'RE UP EARLY!!

hehe
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Haha
Nah, been shopping for studenty stuff for my new house. I've been up before 12 everyday this week. I'm well proud of myself.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:49, Reply)

very well done!
I'm impressed.

By studenty stuff do you mean a microwave and a home-distillery?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Not quite.
Non-iron sheets and a desk lamp. stuff like that.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Who irons their sheets? Sod that.
Oooh desk lamp. Kinky.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I found some chain in homebase that I wanted
But mum wouldn't buy it for me. Especially after I said I was sure I could find a use for it locking up innocent young men in my bedroom.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I try not to say things like that to my mother
it might give her a funny turn.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

She's fairly used to me now.
She thought I was joking, bless her.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:11, Reply)

Yeah.
Also rope is much better. No annoying jingly noises when they're struggling to escape.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Those plastic tie things are the best.
No knots to undo.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Less options. Only wrists and ankles.
Bo-ring!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:13, Reply)

can't really see that there's that many options to tie someone down
apart from wrists and ankles
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

Oh ye of little imagination...

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

most probably
restraints freak me out so it's not something I really research
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Never tried them
But I read Bizarre magazine, and see some odd things at work. I like to think I'm a little educated in such things, but certainly no expert or indeed practitioner.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:19, Reply)

I read an article in Bizarre
about Shibari. It looks quite pretty but I couldn't imagine ever being the sort of person who was fine with putting their liberty in the hands of someone else
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:23, Reply)

For Bizarre, that's pretty tame.
Sadly you can't un-see anything. If I could, Genki would be at the top of that list...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Round the waist, to a chair?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:15, Reply)

I guess
that's not the best though is it?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Hogtied, for starters, is better
(never done it mind you)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Also elbows
They're like your arms' knees.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Into a bit of shibari are we?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

Nah.
I saw them at Reading one year and they were shit.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Boom boom!
Interestingly, don't Wiki 'shibari', the pic is NSFW for nipplage.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

Hah
Agreed.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:18, Reply)

I know people who do...
not me I hasten to add. I can't remember the last time something got ironed in my house.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I thought you meant getting kinky with a desk lamp for a moment there
and I was just thinking "how?!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

to be honest, I probably know people who do that too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:09, Reply)

My mother does
But mother is an OCD level clean and tidy freak.
I didn't iron anything at uni.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I haven't ironed anything in my life
Don't own one.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

we weren't allowed irons in our rooms
it was a reasonable excuse for no ironing
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

You have to iron sheets?
Oh, god, what have I done?! I'm a crinkly linen owning monster! Don't look at me... DON'T LOOK AT ME!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

there's no point in Applebite ironing them with what she will be getting up to on them probably minutes later.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

The scarlet jezebel!

(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Cheers love
I like that.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:11, Reply)

It was either that or brazen hussy.
The Victorians could insult like nobody else.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Brazen hussy's a favourite of mine

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:12, Reply)

I'll bet it is
You vigorous, ha-penny knee-trembler chasing ragamuffin.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

mine too
I tend to favour painted jezebel rather than scarlet though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:53, Reply)

I prefer the first one.
Cos I like red.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:13, Reply)

I see no point in ever making my bed for this exact reason.

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:09, Reply)

You're welcome
Figured you were busy, as you didn't reply.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Oui,
I was out eating caramel slices and watching Scott Pilgrim.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

I envy you
But yeah, let me know what you think of the NIN stuff.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:52, Reply)

*salutes*
Will do cap'n!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

If he quit
surely he isn't eligible for benefits? Or at least not as much?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:45, Reply)

he's eligible for a punch in the throat

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

he's just put a facebook status about not having any weed or money
He is actually a really nice guy though, just needs some direction.

Comes from Milton Keynes you know...
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

what a shitty set of circumstances
Surely though, not being sat on your arse all day smoking weed saves you a lot of money, so he'd have been a lot more than £87 a month better off?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Trudat.
His status said "weed gets you through the times with no money much better than money gets you through the times without weed" so I pointed out that he has no money because he has weed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

haha
I said that the other day.

The reason I have no money is because of obscene mortgage and weddings savings though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I'm skint because of my debt to the Yakuza

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:07, Reply)

that's understandable
need any help?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Only if you've got a spare pinky finger knocking around
She'll probably need some duct tape too.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:09, Reply)

I'll see what I can do
*rummages*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I thought that but the job required him to get 3 buses so he was able to argue that commuting wasn't cost-effective

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:46, Reply)

It fucking well is
It's circulating money in the economy! He gets paid from private sector work on which he pays tax and which in turn he spends on buses who also pay tax and buy fuel which raises tax. This is how economies work. They should have told him to fucking starve and then punched his cock to boot.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I know, I know, I did tell him that I would have no respect for him if he did quit
apparently he is fine living without my respect.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

I support this motion

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Oi, I'm young and lazy
But I object to being lumped in with useless workshy shits, which are an entirely different species.


On a different note, I went to see Scott Pilgrim on a not-a-date with my mate yesterday, it was FUCKING AWESOME. A+++, would pay to see again.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I really want to see that
If I remember the trailer, she's a bit fit.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:50, Reply)

She's well fit.
Totally worth the seven evil exes. It's really, really funny as well.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

is it the one where he has to fight her exes?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:55, Reply)

If I've just said that she's got seven exes and they're all evil,
Would that not suggest that this might be the one where he has to fight her exes?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

it's been a long day

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Ooh I want to see that
looks good
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I can't wait to see that.
I have to go to a party of someone I don't like tomorrow, so I might do that instead. It looks in the trailers like it's really obvious she's wearing a wig, is that the case?

Are you in Manchester? You should come with and trash the place for me (he's the one who vommed in my bed at Wiggy's birthday).
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I'm still in Cheshire til the 15th ish.
That a shame, I do enjoy trashing things.
I don't think its really obvious, but I wasn't really paying that much attention to her hair.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:00, Reply)

I'm probably going to see it tomorrow
And I would duel all of your suitors for the honour of your hand, m'lady.
*sweeping bow*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Pervert
She looks about twelve, you're flirting with a girl who looks about twelve. You fucking nonce.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

You're the one who gawped at her boobs!
I am merely being gentlemanly, in the Victorian fashion.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Thank you very much Sir Majora
Your chivalry never ceases to flatter me.

(fuck off al)
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:03, Reply)

Is this ruffian disturbing you, m'lady?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Yes
*sulks*
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:19, Reply)

*proffers sweety*

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Sweets aren't going to fix this.
I'm still angry ONLINE.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:24, Reply)

just call him a nonce
for offering you a sweet and a ride in his van
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:27, Reply)

Kick him in the balls then
Ahem, I apologise, I meant to say "Then I shall have him dealt with most swiftly".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Seriously, this is THE single gayest thing you have done on b3ta
out of all of the things you've done, including that picture you made Vipros.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:24, Reply)

You haven't seen The Picture
And it's entertaining, but will get boring I'm sure.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:25, Reply)

But if you continue to attack me, I'll show you A Picture

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:29, Reply)

I didn't gawp at her boobs, I gawped at her thigh length socks
and felt dirty for thinking about her boobs because she looks about 12.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

I might ahve the tits of a twelve year old,
BUT I DO NOT FUCKING LOOK TWELVE. cunt.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

I'm sorry Appleby, this made me laugh.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I do not look fucking twelve!
You can get to fuck!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:01, Reply)

You're the second person to say that
I may have to watch it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:51, Reply)

This is why I'm not looking forward
to the end of university
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:48, Reply)

You've got no fucking chance
not now your boys have got stuck into fucking up any chance of the next generation getting hold of some of the millions them and their bezzie mates have made.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Suuure Al
Labour was all about equal opportunities wasn't it? Let's not forget who fostered the culture that has led to the current situation shall we?

And I'll be fine in all liklihood
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Conservative, Labour..
They're all a bunch of Old Boy Network, self-serving, fuck-the-proles, greedy dinosaurs. The baby boom generation fostered this culture of greed, which in turn has lead to the cultures of entitlement and someone's always to blame.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:08, Reply)

it just happens to be Labour
/only looking at last bit
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:10, Reply)

I blame you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:11, Reply)

I do too
For not marching on Downing Street and Canary Wharf with a plethora of medieval weaponry.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:13, Reply)

"MEN! Fetch my Trebuchet, and a very large rock!"

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Manchester Evening News?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

You commoner

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Called a commoner by a Geordie,
and not even a real one!

How has my life gone so, so wrong?

*moves to Canterbury*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:22, Reply)

They make chickenladies in Canterbury
and PJMs
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:23, Reply)

They also make my ghastly ex and her gyppo family...
It's not all rosy down Canterbury way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:24, Reply)

Al is proud of his middleclassness.

( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:25, Reply)

He's also proud of that spasticated bicycle.
What's your point?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:26, Reply)

He wants a rib or two removed but won't ask the NHS.

( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:29, Reply)

He needs more than a fucking rib or two removing,
the fat cunt. One day soon the fire brigade are going to have to knock one of his walls down to get him out so he can go to hospital and it'll be live on Jerry Springer and he'll be crying and everything.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Mrs Al will be there in the background with a tray of burgers.
She'll be saying, 'I don't know how he got so fat,' and, 'I think he's cuddly,' but the neighbours will be waiting to get their pet cat back from his rolly bits.
( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:36, Reply)

read the answer on QOTW
quite scary actually
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:36, Reply)

More like "MEN!" In a loud and commanding voice, such as may be used by the Duke of Wellington.
Although he would never have called for a trebuchet.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:29, Reply)

I wonder if I could nick the trebuchet from Warwick Castle
And lug it to London...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:21, Reply)

No need, eh?
My brother's chum owns one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:23, Reply)

Is it as awesome as the Warwick Castle one?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:24, Reply)

I seriously doubt it.
But it's big enough to fire pianos.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:25, Reply)

That'll do
I'm sure a piano cobbed through Citibank tower would shit folk up.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:31, Reply)

You need some slaves, matey.
Get them to drag it for you. It wouldn't be seemly for a commander to drag his own trebuchet now, would it?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:30, Reply)

So by starting a "War" on benefit cheats and mismanagement
while not kicking out Lord Ashcroft despite promising to do so, in fact by discussing how they will give him a new job in the government, and getting Phillip Green, another well known tax dodger, the Tories are certainly not showing that they haven't changed a bit are they.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

benefit cheats and mismanagement
need to be dealt with. That doesn't make Lord Ashcroft right. It just means that so far they've got less wrong than Labour, which thought both of these things were perfectly acceptable
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

So the fact that tax avoidance means we lose something like 75 billion quid
while benefit cheats are less than a billion and mismanagement is only about 2-3 billion and you can't possibly reduce that to nothing mean they are taking the right approach?

Stop talking about Labour, I have never said that Labour were right in their attitude to closing tax loopholes etc. I'm gunning at the Tories, what Labour did or did not do is irrelevant.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Of course it's relevant
you can only judge something in context. Taken out of context of other parties/previous governments the Tories are a bunch of selfserving cunts. Compared to Labour and the alternatives they are the best option currently.
And we've had this discussion before. Benefit cheating is not just about the money, it's part of an entire cultural attitude that there needs to be steps to shift
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:26, Reply)

Less than a billion?
Oh that's alright then. Vipros can make up the shortfall from his immense wages.
( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:26, Reply)

I fucking wish

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:51, Reply)

The Guillotine's too good for 'em!
Bloody young, carefree roustabouts!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:14, Reply)

Hello!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:16, Reply)

Hi!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:17, Reply)

How are you?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Good, ta. Going to a gig tonight, hurrah!
And you?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Who cares?
I am going to a barbecue.
( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:29, Reply)

Have you got a brolly?

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:32, Reply)

It hasn't rained today yet.
I remain optimistic.
( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:33, Reply)

That'sa Gel.
You alright?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:38, Reply)

I'm OK ta.
At the end of a few days in Cornwall and heading back up tomorrow.
You OK?
( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:41, Reply)

Oui, mon brave!
Everything's tickety-boo at the moment!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:51, Reply)

I've had enough of meat.
I might eat a whole bag of frozen broccoli tonight
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Sicko

( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:36, Reply)

DJ's coming over is he?
I have just compared his junk to frozen broccoli.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:39, Reply)

Ooh you bitch!
His junk's well better than your røde pølser offerings!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:43, Reply)

WILL YOU BE NICE ABOUT DENMARK AND OUR SAUSAGES!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:48, Reply)

WELL DON'T CALL MY FELLA'S KNOB BROCCOLI!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:49, Reply)

And I said nice things about hyggle...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:51, Reply)