If it sounds too good to be true...
Remember that diet I started 5 days ago? The "eat as much as you can, but only proteins" diet?

Well, I weight myself after 4 days of doing it (yesterday), and... I've lost 2.5kg!!!

That's coming from someone who's normal everyday food is basically salads and vegetables, no oil, no fats, very few carbs... And someone who's been eating like a pig for 4 days, never hungry, never tired, never upset.

I'm so amazed and happy! I can wear my jeans again! (Ok, they are my biggest jeans, the super sexy ones are a long way to go)

So there you are, sometimes, if it sounds too good to be true... it is true.

Which pleasant surprises have you recived?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:32, 129 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well done, that's excellent
My mother just started Atkins so she'll be hoping for similar results. I shall be hoping for similar results without any of the work
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

It's a good diet
But I don't know if it's that good that you don't need to do anything to lose weight... sorry.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Are you farting like a spaniard?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:35, Reply)

No, I am not
In fact, I need to eat extra fibre to go to the toilet. My belly hasn't felt so good in any diet I've done.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:40, Reply)

Isn't that the Atkins diet?
Gives you bad breath and the guy who invented it died of obesity
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:37, Reply)

I don't think it's the Atkins diet
But I wouldn't know, as I don't know what the Atkins diet is.

I can cope with bad breath for a couple of months (although Mark hasn't complained) if I get to lose 13kg.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:41, Reply)

Sweet, doing well then!
I'm losing weight by not eating, am back down to 32" jeans again, which is a bonus.

Currently, I'm looking at houseshares, and they're all looking pretty good, which is good!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:45, Reply)

That's a surefire way of losing weight
not the healthiest though.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:47, Reply)

Yes
The Psycho is right, careful with starvation.

Good luck with the houshare. Where are you looking?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:49, Reply)

Still round Macc, I don't really want to move far.
Aye, I know it's not healthy, but I don't really have much of a choice at the minute.

Ah well, what I am eating is pretty good, aiming for vegetables with every meal (which makes a change)
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

You should have told me
I had to got rid of a lot of food (gave it to Mark, not throwing away) for this new diet. I think I still have things in the freezer that I can't eat. He took around 10kgs of food to Worthing today.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

Damn, would have been awesome!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

He would have been happy too
As he had to check in his luggage for the liquids.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

Pleasant surprise = at a wedding at the week my gf sang two solos
she used to be a professional opera singer in Milan & it was the first time she had sang in public for a long time. Also the first time I had heard her sing in front of an audience (she has sang to me 1:1 before). Biased yes, but her voice was amazing.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:48, Reply)

Great!
I used to sing solos at the church, but I'm too shy to sing in front of anyone, I've only sang for Mark once... I can imagine she must have been very nervous; it's fantastic that she's been able to do it again!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:53, Reply)

She was nervous & had rehearsed a lot. Sang a Puccini piece & some Mozart. The accoustics in the chuch were great.
The wedding was videoed so I am hoping to get a copy
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Great
If you put it in Youtube or somewhere like that, don't forget to link it here.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Fantastic
If you don't mind me asking, why did she stop singing? Often, those careers will take years to prepare, just seems strange to give it up is all.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:55, Reply)

Well she swallowed a fly
so then she swallowed a spider... then she swallowed a bird.. then a cat which clawed out her vocal chords
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

When is something going to swallow you up?
soon I hope
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

Nothing can swallow me up due to the fact I contain a black hole in my vagina
I swallow it up first
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:05, Reply)

There is certainly a void where your brain should be

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

OH MY GOD LOLZ U R SO FUNNI

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

She was a professional singer until the age of 30. Got tired of living abroad & it would meant starting again to build a profile back in the UK which she didn't want to do

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:02, Reply)

Ahh, fair enough!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

yay! congrats!

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

In other news
who needs a family when you may be teaching cello in devon
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-11195393
(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:51, Reply)

Who needs family when:
Mr Edwards was identified using photographs and YouTube footage
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:52, Reply)

It's a good life
When that's how they try to identify you when you're dead.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:56, Reply)

If only google goggles was apt at face recognition....

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:57, Reply)

Half the police would be out of a job overnight...

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:01, Reply)

That's about 5 pounds? Bloody hell.
Well done. Don't think I could do the whole just protein thing though.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 9:58, Reply)

It's only for 5 days
After that, you can have vegetables (no peas or potatoes, though). You can have wine (walk 20 min or similar exercise for each small glass)

If you eat some carbs, you can count the calories too and exercise until burning them, but it's not recommended, it'd be like an exception.

My brother is not doing it at all at the weekends (greasy sandwiches, beer and whisky, pasta, fruit...) and he's still loosing 1kg/week, but doing quite a lot of exercise those days.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I lost that much after a particularly violent dump this morning

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:03, Reply)

oh... oh you didn't get caught up in a freak blimp accident at the weekend?
It must have been a dream... a beautiful, beautiful dream
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:04, Reply)

are you having sex dreams about me now TGB?
did I shake my little tush on your dream catwalk?

edit - rip tomizawa? is that the moto gp chap? that was really horrendous.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

You did shake your tush
then the cast of Battlestar Galactica shot at you as I have convinced them you were a Cylon. Then I ran away with Helo
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

you lost me which I suppose is a win for you!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Woohoo I win
And yeah it is the Moto2 guy. I feel so awful for Scott Redding one of the guys who hit him. He's only 17 and that kind of shit must really stay with you :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

totally
I think they will get the support they need though. There was nothing they could have done at all really. My friend hit a motor cyclist on a country road who then died, she got over it eventually but was a mess for a few years. Must be different with competitive sport though.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

I saw an interview with Scott before the race
and he said he didn't really want to go up to the 2 series as he didn't think he was ready but he was too big for the 125s which made it worse really as he will probably be thinking if he was more experienced he may have avoided it. The medics/stewards fucking dropped Tomizawa on the way out though
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I must admit I don't know a massive deal about Moto Gp just a fan of sport in general, poor kid though, he is young enough to come back though. Bad form by the medics though was that televised?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Yeah it was live

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

5 pounds for a dump?
What did you dump, your arm?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:07, Reply)

it looked like an otter

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Had you been holding it for weeks?
I hadn't thought about the fibre bit, so for 3 days I didn't manage to go to the toilet. Then, on the night of the 3rd day I took some fibre (that is out of date, btw) and yesterday I had my problems to leave the flat with confidence... 4 times I had to visit Mr Roca.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

(He's been feeding it oysters since it refused to flush)

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:13, Reply)

Hahaha!
What a picture!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

that's a bonus, of course
but it will do you horrible damage if you keep it up for any serious length of time. It'll mess up liver and kidney function and you'll suffer from serious vitamin deficiencies (and no, supplements won't really help). You should really bear in mind that the initial significant weight loss in these diets is dehydration due to system shock and metabolic pathway switching.

To put it in perspective, it's impossible for an average-sized person to lose more than about 200g a day of fat/muscle/tissue other than water even with zero calorific input. 200-300g is what you can burn in a day. Anything more than that is dehydration, will come back, and also is a sign that you're damaging your body.

Sorry if this seems negative but it amazes me the shit that some people manage to peddle to the masses in the name of weight loss. I mean, how many people would listen if some idiot wrote a book saying it would be better if you filled your car fuel tank with orange squash rather than petrol?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:12, Reply)

No, I agree with you, you're right
That's why from the 6th day (today) you have to eat vegetables too, just not carbs or fats. You have to drink at least 2litres of water (although your body asks for more) and you're not supposed to lose more than 1kg per week (142g/day)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

That's better than nothing
but it's still bad. Eating protein and vegetables separately, for example, means you can't absorb the vitamins and nutrients (you need a couple of B vits (which you only really get from animal products) to be present to be able to absorb other nutrients including iron, say.

And drinking all the water in the world won't compensate for the dehydration here - it's going on a cellular level of control. And you do really need carbs and fats.

I'm not saying it won't work. But it's working in the same way that starvation works. It's very bad for you.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Mmmm... right
I eat the vegetables and proteins together, not separately. And there are some fats and carbs on the eggs and yogur I eat everyday. Do you think that should be enough?

I eat 2 table spoons of wheat bran as well, which has a lot of carbs.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I wouldn't worry too much.
You're not doing it over a long period of time.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:32, Reply)

My brother has been doing it for 2 months and he's ok
His mother in law finished it a couple of months ago and she's quite happy too.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:43, Reply)

depends on what you mean by "enough"
If you're planning to do it for a few months, yeah, probably, I mean it's still better than Gonz's diet ;)

Eating like that is not sustainable long term. You'll risk liver damage, although of course it does depend on where you are getting your protein from...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I'm trying to lose weight before I go away without eating any differently because I don't cook and Wiggy likes deep frying things
so I've been bouncing my arse off on my little trampoline in the hope that in one week I can make a noticeable difference. Yes I know I'm kidding myself. Especially since I ate fish and chips on Saturday and had a McHangover cure yesterday.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Ey! Happy candle day!
You can eat things that don't need cooking, like tuna and ham.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

Thanks!
Ooh anchovies! Although they are covered in oil and salt so they're not that healthy. Delicious though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:58, Reply)

You can have them in escabeche
which is kind of pickle, vinegry liquid. They're even nicer, from my point of view. We call them boquerones.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Ooh will they have them in Tenerife?
I want to try them.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:05, Reply)

oil is healthy. Salt is healthy. Too much of either is bad.
Same as all food. Oh, and fuck the saturated fat argument. Fuck it hard in the arse. All fat becomes saturated if you heat it up enough.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:18, Reply)

One week probably won't make a massive difference, no ;)
but, basically, there are only two ways to lose weight healthily. Eat less*, or exercise more. Anyone promoting a diet that says different is ... what's that term again ... oh yeah, a disgraceful fucking charlatan.

Oh, and happy candlebumfuck.

*for the sake of argument, I'm assuming you're already eating healthily, obviously that would help too.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:16, Reply)

Yeah that's what I've always based my theories on.
I've never really dieted, I'm naturally quite slim and I exercise a lot. I have partaken in crash diets before holidays but I know it's not a good idea and it's only tricking the body into being thinner.

I think any diet that promotes cutting out entire food groups is a bad idea. I do like the South Beach diet though, which is effectively just eating low GI diets so you're not as hungry and the food is generally just healthier.

I know I can say this because I'm not fat, but I pity these women who spend their whole lives yo-yo dieting from one fad to the next. I'm also a firm believer in natural weight. Some women are born to be larger than others. I'm pear shaped, so no matter how much exercise I do, my hips will never disappear.

Thanks for the b3taday wishes :D
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:21, Reply)

ooh I have a coupon for orange juice
*goes to Sainsbury's*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

The most recent pleasant surprise I had
was that even with my advanced decrepitude I had REAL SEX with a LIVING FEMALE HUMAN a few days back.

I was surprised to discover that my groin hadn't smoothed over like an Action Man's.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:15, Reply)

It wasn't your ex
was she?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Nope.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Good, good
(you're not lying, are you?)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

No. I admitted it last time I made that particular error.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Congratulations then
I hope it happens again (well, only if you consider it to be a good thing, of course)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Woah. You don't know the rules?
mention actual real sex on the internet and it didn't happen. This is there the LIES of MASSIVE DRUGS and HONDA ACCORDS start. Mark my words.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

Shit.
I've got the order all wrong - I started with the MASSIVE DRUGS lies, and have only now worked my way up to the SEX LIES.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

You're trying to trick us into thinking it's true.
But it won't work, Monty. I've got my eye on you through the hole I drilled in you bathroom wall
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Tell it to /qotw you liar.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:16, Reply)

You are SpankyHanky AICMFP

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

Good for you.
But I thought you had sworn off that sort of thing.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

So had I.
I still have, really. It was an anomaly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Dude, that's not nice.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

We suspected as much
(Nice one)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

It wasn't anyone we know was it?

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

NO IT WASN'T.
Move along now, nothing to see here.

(please)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:20, Reply)

Painting a target on yourself right here.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

a few days back would be around Thursday would it not?
Did a b3tan lady get more meat than she bargained for?

Or are you who Psychochomp's date was with on Friday...?

Speaking of that, how did it go PC?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:54, Reply)

SOMEONE ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTIONS!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 11:06, Reply)

HE DRUGGED ME AND MADE ME WEAR A FUCKING DRESS, OK!!!!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I've only just seen this
it gave me a lol
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Did have to you pay the ladyboy?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Have you Yoda overnight become?

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Haha

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I bet you didn't like it.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

I bet he did,
But it won't have been a patch on the way it would have been in the seventies.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Pleasant surprise? Well, a surprise...CALLING ALL GRAMMAR PEDANTS
It appears that MS Word doesn't recognise the subjunctive. At least, as far as I can tell from my own understanding.

I'm currently writing a stinking letter of complaint, which includes the phrase
"We have been made to feel as though the property were already vacant,"
and the spell-checker puts a wavy green line under "were." Am I using it correctly? If I'm going to write a barnstormer of a compaint letter, complete with enclosed poo, I at least want the grammar to be correct.


Abe, congratulations on the weight loss - although if I were you I'd be inclined to take mighty badger's advice quite seriously!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:17, Reply)

I swear that should be a subjunctive
but I defer to Monty. I do recall MS Word doesn't like me using them.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:18, Reply)

It *was* written by Americans, after all...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:19, Reply)

Tsktsk.
Though I have to say if I had perhaps taken a different path in life I wouldn't have had a clue what it was...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:21, Reply)

Anything
that suggests you sign off your letters with 'yours truly' cannot be trusted for a second.

I have to say I would have thought it should be 'was' rather than 'were', though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Now I'm confused
I've got 3 people who think it should be 'were,' and one person and a computer program who think it should be 'was.' Though the program and one of the three are both forrins...

See, I think I should use the sunjunctive because the sentence is in some sort of conditional tense.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I looked it up
Apparently as a counterfactual statement it should take the subjunctive.
www.ceafinney.com/subjunctive/guide.html

It is as though she were here.
We know she is not here, but it seems so.

So I guess "I know I've not moved out, but it seems so" fits that example.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I think you're right
But that's one of your old rules. These days is more flexible and if you're not being formal then you can use "was"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Well, I am being formal
Formal enough to cunt them right in the fuck. "Were" it is.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

English is not my first language, as you know
But I learnt at school that the 2nd conditional (not subjunctives) doesn't use was, but were, although it's flexible and you can decide what to use.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:22, Reply)

you know more than me FACT

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

It's not hard though really is it

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:30, Reply)

I'm pretty sure Oscar the Otter
had a better grasp of the English language than me. Before I flushed him to death.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

Thing is, you probably learnt more grammar in your English lessons than I did
I was never taught the subjunctive - the only reason I know anything about it is from studying Latin and French _{(in which I try to find ways to crowbar it into conversation in a pathetic attempt to make French people think that I can speak their language passably well)}.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:24, Reply)

You were never taught subjunctive
Because you don't have subjunctive, you have 4 conditionals.

We learnt a lot of grammar at School, both for English and Spanish, and I find very difficult to believe that someone can learn and understand a second language properly without knowing the grammar of his own mother tongue.

I know almost all of your rules (you don't have many), but then I don't use them properly as we were taught all the theory but practised very little.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:28, Reply)

I don't know any of the rules.
I have no idea what anyone is talking about and I'm going to try and learn Spanish. I'm doomed.
( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:29, Reply)

Spanish is based in grammar
You can learn sentences and you might be able to understand people around, but without the grammar you won't be able to talk it properly.

The main problem I had when teaching Spanish to Mark is that he didn't know English grammar, so I had to start teaching him that to then compare with Spanish's
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

I might start learning English grammer first then : /

( girlinthehole, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:35, Reply)

Your grammer is very easy
Only a few rules. It'll be good if you can clearly understand what's a verb, noun, adjective, preposition, conjunction...; if you can tell the times of the verbs and if you know what conditional, reflexive and passive are. It won't take you long.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:39, Reply)

Like Crow I know most of my grammar in English from Latin
though I had a grammar stickler of a father who would constantly correct me until I said things correctly. Though his father learnt English as a second language, so I guess he might have been constantly corrected as a child too.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:36, Reply)

I think it's the best way of understanding a language
and the people who speaks it. Why you only have 3 tenses for the past and we have 8; or why you don't need subjunctive, but have 4 conditional forms...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

You see I have no clue how many conditionals we have
I know (ancient) Greek has 6- and I can understand that. It's nice and simple: past, present and future, and open and closed for each. I just wouldn't be able to tell you what the kinds of conditionals we have :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

You have 4
Although one is only considered half conditional, because it's something that'll happen for sure:

zero: If the sun comes out, the birds sing (certain)
first: If the sun comes out, I'll visit you (almost certain)
second: If I were a richman, I would buy a car (possible, but unlikely)
third: If I had been born rich, I would have had an helicopter (impossible)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Ah I see, that's a bit like open and closed in Greek
Open is possible, closed is unlikely (also known as remote)

Of course you can have mixed, but I think that's only mixed tenses not mixed type. Shit I need to brush up on my Greek :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)

I don't think you can mix much in English
You can change If for When sometimes, though.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:49, Reply)

Our rather bored French teacher taught it to us in the dead weeks when we'd finished the GCSE course
about 4 months ahead of schedule. We also translated French rap and attempted to watch Les Choristes without subtitles.

Of course, I can't remember any of it. Apart from "Il faut que j'aie..." etc.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:34, Reply)

the only reason
I passed French was not a good one. It's as close as I've come to ever cheating on anything, but the teacher insisted
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:37, Reply)

What did you have to do?
I was considered a bit of a failure as I didn't get 95% or above in GCSE (told you my school was crazy)

I instead got 95% or above in my English Literature one -smugs-
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I was shit at French
it was the one subject where an A or A* just wasn't even possible. I could do alright on the reading/writing bit, but the listening/speaking was really difficult for me, I had an absolute mental block. So my teacher paused the oral tape and scrawled on the bit of paper some notes for me to look at (the bare bones of sentences for me to fill in)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:42, Reply)

We were relentlessly prepared for that
Given a list of every single question that could conceivably asked on each of the 6 topics, and told we had to compose answers to each and learn them.

I guess that's as much cheating as yours, but further in advance.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I felt really bad about it
especially since I ended up with a B. But I couldn't tell anyone because the teacher could've got into a lot of trouble. Especially since my dad was deputy head
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:45, Reply)

We'll never mention it again
-fingers to lips-
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:46, Reply)

*swears oath of silence*
how's the room decorating going?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:47, Reply)

So far it's just the amazing picture of my parents
Put in a place where I can see it , but just tucked out of sight (hopefully) from my bed (as that's just WEIRD)

I've cut lots of things out, from years ago. Should be looking better as soon as I decide to make an effort and stand up
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Sounds good
My room is my sisters old room, and I can't be bothered decorating- I've never really got the point of posters etc. So her 30 seconds to Mars and My Chemical Romance posters are still up alongside one Kandinsky poster that is mine
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:53, Reply)

I cut loads of things out of our house diary
(always has amazing pictures in) My mum also sends me clippings and pictures she thinks I'll like. There's also the photo of my dad pretending to be a walrus with two bananas in his mouth.

Mmm, Jared Leto.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I had the best french oral ever (not that kind)
We had our G.C.S.E oral in a little cupboard at the back of the classroom and everybody had to sit outside and wait for the turn. I went after Guy Cox, as it was done alphabetically. Now Guy was a great friend of mine at school and I knew he had done no revision and wasn't great at French so was bracing myself for something funny to happen. He didn't let me down. Mrs Goldsmith asked him something in French I can't remember exactly but I think it was along the lines of 'what are you going to do in the summer?'

To which Guy replied 'My name is Guy and I like to play football' in English with the best French Allo Allo accent ever. He was in there for about a minute. And yeah he failed.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 6 Sep 2010, 10:48, Reply)