My Dad's got a 19th Century (I think) cavalry sabre
My mate (female) has an awesome Italian rapier and main gauche that we got her for her birthday.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:20, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

See, everyone?
Swords are fucking great.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I fucking love swords
I wish I could carry a rapier, or daisho around with me. Soon sort out any scally cunts (unless they had guns...).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)

My brother's friends
once beheaded a pimp from Huddersfield with a samurai sword.

I have told this tale before.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Please tell it again as I don't recall it.

( lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)

These fellows
were sat in their flat getting high when they hear a terrible commotion outside. They went to see what the bother was, to find this horrible little man savagely beating a woman outside their door.

They remonstrated with him, at which point he pulled out a rather knackered looking little pistol. Whilst this was going on, one fo the chaps slipped back inside and retrieved a rather lovely (but non-ornamental) Japanese sword he’s inherited from his RAF commander father. A scuffle ensued, resulting in the stabbing and disarming of the pimp – they finished him off by cutting his head off and throwing body, head and sword down a nearby rubbish chute.

The police told them they weren’t really looking for whoever did it. The owner of the sword is now a top aviation lawyer.


EDIT. I am not endorsing this conduct, by the way...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Fuck.

( lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I once invaded the middle-east for oil but got away with it because I said I was searching for WMDs and spreading democracy
"a rather knackered looking little pistol" - I doubt thats the first thought I'd have if someone pulled a pistol on me...

"they finished him off by cutting his head off and throwing body, head and sword down a nearby rubbish chute" - a "nearby rubbish chute" outside? Is this street like the Death Star, with convenient rubbish chutes all over

"The police told them they weren’t really looking for whoever did it." - The police are never interested in solving crimes that could be ninja-related, right?

Bellend.
(kittyfiddler is a freelance gynaecologist, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 0:06, Reply)

Why the fuck did they cut his head off after disarming and stabbing him?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Because they were drugged up psychopaths.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)

I'm tempted to agree

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)

to 'make sure'
EDIT I think the adrenalin just kicked in. Having someone threaten to shoot one might make the old survival instincts kick in hard, I would imagine.

The woman they saved was rather pleased with them, and the police were clearly rather pleased that 'someone' had removed this man, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

that doesn't make it right though
I don't agree with capital punishment at all. I certainly don't think it should be meted out by pyschopaths with swords.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)

History would seem to disagree

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Capital punishment
is meted out by the state. Regardless of my views on it, that makes it legal (when done within the framework of the law.) Beheading someone for whatever reason is a criminal act of violence that deserves punishment
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

but then I'm a liberal pinko cunt

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I think
the supposed ‘sanctity of human life’ idea is a load of old bollocks. Some people are cunts and they deserve to die. I would have no compunction whatsoever were I to personally execute the piece of shit that ruined my sister’s life. Literally none whatsoever. But then again, hey – military family. My family have been killing people in cold blood for generations
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:18, Reply)

That's not the point I made
some people should die. But by no conceivable measure should that be left to the discretion of the average person. Yeah that man was scum (the pimp chap) but that doesn't carry a tag of 'acceptable to murder.' Nothing to do with military. You can make an executive decision to kill someone if you want. But you can also face the music that comes with it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:24, Reply)

But since it never happened, it's pointless to argue.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Despite being rescued wouldn't this woman be horribly traumatised by having seen a man beheaded in front of her?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:17, Reply)

because its fiction.

( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:35, Reply)

top aviation lawyer?
High Flyer.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

As much as I like you, that's gotta be the new Honda Accord.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)

It's 100% true. On my life.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:19, Reply)

The honda thing is probably true too.
But ya' gotta admit, it's a tall tale to swallow at face value.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:21, Reply)

It really isn't.
Deliberate decapitation is never just ignored.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:23, Reply)

If it actually happened, surely Monty could provide a link to a news article.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Yeah, but finding a decapitated body in a rubbish bin is hardly newsworthy is it?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:33, Reply)

maybe it went in the cardboard waste bin instead of organic

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:38, Reply)

lol
www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=man+beheaded+with+samurai+sword+in+Huddersfield&meta=

only search results are for his QotW post.
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Oh dear.
I hope you don't have any dependants.
( CowJam, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:23, Reply)

You weren't actually involved in this at all, were you?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Do you know how hard it is to cut someone's head off with a sword?
Even in the old days, the guillotines often need two or three goes to get the job done.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:38, Reply)

if you change "high on drugs" to "a bit tipsy"
and samurai sword to "kebab"

and behead to "threw a kebab at"

and pimp to "old lady"
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 14:34, Reply)

I'm reading this in Jan 2012
having been linked from talk, and I have no idea who Monty Boyce is, or if he is a current user anymore, so I have no axe to grind with him (her?).

I have read many boasts on b3ta in the last (almost) 10 years, but that is perhaps the most spectacular horseshit I have ever seen posted.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:31, Reply)

I too am ridiculously late to this, but...
Pudding myself as all I can see is the Aviation Lawyer as a cross between The Lincoln Lawyer and Top Gun with Perry Mason popping in occasionally for a cameo as the wing man!

People love watching decapitations in the middle of a sreet, and obviously everyone was perfectly happy just killing someone cold bloodedly... Hysterical.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Sat 10 Mar 2012, 1:24, Reply)

wut

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)

The man who runs the chippy down the road from my parents' house
served about 8 years for beheading a relative of the bride at a local wedding.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)

He only got 8 years for beheading someone?
Dayumn.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Time off for good behaviour, I think.
The bride had apparently backed out of an arranged marriage to one of his family, he blamed whichever relative had been doing the arranging so he just popped into the wedding ceremony with a sword. Fine and upstanding citizen apart from that.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)

No disrespect.
This is a total crock of shit.
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Oh boy! I'm getting in now before this thread is archived!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 13 May 2011, 18:19, Reply)

This smells of massive honda accord super model-dom

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 13 May 2011, 20:04, Reply)

Two years later
and I, for one, completely believe every word of this obviously true story.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 0:59, Reply)

just visiting to call bullshit on this
hello from 2014
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:53, Reply)

Was Monty part of the writing team behind 24?

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 15:46, Reply)

I looked up the law once
I believe that if a weapon is an antique you can carry it. This was back when I was hunting for a sword-cane
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Damn I would love a sword cane
So so much.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I came very close
to buying one. Back when I still needed a cane I really fancied getting one
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I wanted one when I needed a walking stick
Had to settle with one that folded into 3 bits, that I could possibly have used like a small 3-sectional-staff, but would probably have done myself another injury.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)

I'd quite like a sword-umbrella, do those exist?
You could combine it with the samurai umbrella, it would be great.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

I kinda want one of those katana umbrellas
But any owner of one would look like a right geek.
Someone I know has one, and he's barely fit for safe integration into society.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

It's you, isn't it?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I fit the bill
Just void of a katana umbrella.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

My father
was absolutely fucking furious that his was confiscated when he emigrated to Britain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)

A sword cane is an offensive weapon per se
for the purposes of possession of an offensive weapon.
( WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)

you can own it
but you're not allowed to carry a sword in the street no matter how old
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)