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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I'm proper fucked.
How do you chill, relax, de-stress, kick back, calm down, loosen up, let it all go, stop your head from spinning when you've got too much on your plate?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:52, 243 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
abstract thought
and staring in to space.

really, nothing else works
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:53, Reply)
what about
cuddles blowjobs?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:58, Reply)
blowjobs are hard work

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:59, Reply)
Not for the recipient.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:59, Reply)
not having a cock means it's unlikely to happen to me

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:00, Reply)
trufax

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:02, Reply)
test
....if this bought something up in the logs, sorry cr3, was seeing if img="data:... was filtered.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Nov 2010, 20:06, Reply)
Actually, that might work.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:05, Reply)
Is that an offer?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
NSFW
youtu.be/QcwlwkTF86g
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:54, Reply)
Loud music and caffeine
It works better than it sounds on paper.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:56, Reply)
i am trying to get my head around the rubaiyat at the moment
but my flatmate is playing black ops and shouting a lot,
well he is enjoying it which is nice, i like that anyway, if it is a bit distracting. he's going to work soon anyway so i can rubaiyat it right up later.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:57, Reply)
That's some heavy shit.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:02, Reply)
i am going to a thing on saturday
which includes a reading of a version of it in 7 languages,
i want to at least get my head around a version of it in one language first.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Wasn't that written
By the guy who liked Remington shavers so much he bought the company?
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:25, Reply)
Victor Kiam!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
This is what I like about you.
The fact that you know his name. Unless you googled it of course.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:42, Reply)
No I remembered Victor!
Who couldn't!

I'm glad my best quality is being able to remember 1970's business gurus.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
Well just useless information from my past in general.
It's comforting.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:50, Reply)
Set me a quiz if you like!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:55, Reply)
I may do at the weekend : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:56, Reply)
Q1. Where is the clitoris?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:59, Reply)
*waits for answer*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:01, Reply)
That would require me posting my
4-digit pin number as we all know the only way to impress a woman is with hard cash.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:05, Reply)
Ahem!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuMmfDWMLgY
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:10, Reply)
Alf Garnet!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:12, Reply)
look, alright, my dogs nipples are getting bigger and my mum thinks she's pregnant
I'm proper fucked if she is
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 18:59, Reply)
or she is

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:00, Reply)
lolol

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:02, Reply)
Thinking about it K
Are you sure your dog hasn't been raped?

She spends her unsupervised hours in her cage does she not? The only person who could have got in there un-noticed would be a 'cat' burglar. And that would be wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:13, Reply)
there's only been one opportunity when she could've done the dirty
I was stone cold drunk and she ran down the drive towards this old arse lady that was walking her dog at like 3 in the fucking morning
her little shitzoo was all over her but I wouldn't think he could get it in that quick and get off without me noticing
but you know, thats how most men are anyway rofl
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
What will you do if she is with-puppies?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:21, Reply)
shit a brick
then take care of her to the best of my ability and try to get rid of them by throwing them into a river
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:23, Reply)
I was going to suggest drowning them.
Have you got a sack and some bricks?

If you want to practise your technique you might want to start off drowing a load of kittens, they'll make less noise.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:26, Reply)
Are you sure, are you sure, are you sure?

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:28, Reply)
I've got weather stripping on my bedroom door to knock out sound
no one will hear a thing in there
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:28, Reply)
anyway, she probably isn't, but if she is I reckon I'll just have to take them to the walmart and try to
pawn them off onto people
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:36, Reply)
Women's nipples swell when they are on their period.
Maybe it's the same for dogs.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:43, Reply)
do they!
I didn't know that.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:52, Reply)
Don't your nipples swell and feel hard during your period?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:57, Reply)
*Imagines two nipples gearing up for a fight*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:01, Reply)
FFS! You've been married.
There must have been times you've been told to stay away from them.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:03, Reply)
That was a constant for most of the marriage though!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:06, Reply)
There there!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:21, Reply)
When did Jeff go to the states?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:00, Reply)
I think the question should be.
'When Did K's dog come to the UK?'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:04, Reply)
Woof woof!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:08, Reply)
Meow!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:14, Reply)
*pants*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:15, Reply)
*Goes commando*
I've got that wrong haven't I?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:20, Reply)
Not really no.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:22, Reply)
ATTEN.....TION!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:27, Reply)
why?
just have a bbq or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:00, Reply)
73 million Koreans can't be wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:06, Reply)
Walking the dogs
If it's impractical for you to have dogs contact your local rescue centre because they'll probably be crying out for volunteer walkers.

You can't be unhappy in the presence of a dog.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:01, Reply)
not even one of those sad looking dogs?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:02, Reply)
you can when it's shit on your bed

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:03, Reply)
Many moons ago when my cat was but a kitten
he came wobbling into my room, clambered on the bed and vomited a sparrow up for me.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:05, Reply)
how sweet

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:06, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post932094
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:03, Reply)
There's a gorgeous dog in the 24 hour offie near my friend's house.
Alsatian, sits by the wine panting and watching everyone. She's 2 years old, the fluffiest thing ever, and really friendly. I don't usually like dogs.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
If you touch the wine without intending to pay for it
it bites your tits off.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
they don't do it in cardiff,
i was very unhappy to find out :(
although maybe they have started now?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
it's too wet for dogs in cardiff

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:16, Reply)
the odd thing about cardiff
is when it is rainy or snowy everywhere else, it is sunny here,
but then when it is sunny everywhere else, we get rain.
i do not understand.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:17, Reply)
yeah, but in swansea
it's always rainy
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
I was at uni there and am familiar with the strange weather you describe
my favourite thing was walking up Cathays Terrace with the wind howling at your back, only for it to stop completely for 10 seconds and then blast you from completely the opposite direction.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
i used to live in that part of cardiff
but students are cunts so i moved.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:59, Reply)
Google tells me
That your closest Dogs Trust centre is in Bridgend, where presumably the dogs have been abandoned by suicidal teenagers.

I'm sure there'll be a dog rescue centre in Cardiff and I'm sure that if you roll up responsibly and show willing they'll be happy to see you.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
haha that was a good idea making a suicide joke about bridgend
to someone who almost certainly knows at least one of the people who killed themselves.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
Much in the same way it was a good idea making a joke about terminal cancer
to a website where someone almost certainly knows someone who has suffered from that.

Don't try and take the moral high ground on B3ta you stupid cunt.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:43, Reply)
haha as if i know anyone who has killed themselves from bridgend,
cardiff is miles away from there.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
and anyway, i did have cancer.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
Shame it wasn't terminal really

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:49, Reply)
that is a very off colour remark
considering some of us have had relatives with terminal cancer
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:50, Reply)
I wasn't aware of you until someone on here mentioned you had told everyone you had terminal cancer
then that turned out to be a lie, and the next thing I saw was you getting all high and mighty because Cr3 banned baldmonkey from the QOTW. For someone who's been on b3ta for this long, you aren't terribly funny.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:53, Reply)
i'm going to take that as a personal insult
and cry into my shoes.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
and anyway, i was having a jokey go at cr3 for NOT banning baldmonkey,
what is wrong with you?
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:55, Reply)
I appear not to be able to distinguish between you writing things with the completely opposite meaning
to the one you expect people reading them to take. It's very easy to get your strop on and then go "Oh no, I was just joking", but let's face it, you weren't. Plus I find the idea of pretending to have terminal cancer for a joke slightly distasteful even for b3ta.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:00, Reply)
so where was i joking and where was i not joking?
you're going to have to tell me because i obviously do not know.
and obviously the people i was saying these jokes to, who do know me, would not be able to know what i was joking about better than you, who have never even heard of me.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:02, Reply)
plus, every joke by anyone ever is offensive to someone.
it doesn't change a damn thing. the fact that you think that me joking about having cancer is too much for b3ta is completely irrelevant to me or anything.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:04, Reply)
*Yawn*
Tedious response to being called out for being a twat is tedious
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:06, Reply)
listen,
i am the last person to deny that i am a twat. if anything i am the firmest of believers in that fact. i'm just trying to explain to you a thing that you don't seem to understand properly.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:07, Reply)
and rather than think of me as a twat
because you didn't understand a thing i said to people who did understand what i was saying,
maybe you could think of me as a twat for reasons that actually make me a twat.
i won't be thought of as a twat for false reasons, that just isnt on.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:11, Reply)
*YAWN*

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:19, Reply)
HERE COMES THE CARVERY

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:24, Reply)
and anyway, i said i had cancer as a way of telling people i had a serious illness
without having to tell them what the actual life-threatening illness was that i had at the time.
but i don't even know why i would have to explain that to you, since you don't even know who i am and it all happened a year ago, a year before you'd even heard of me.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:06, Reply)
Christ.
Would you two just fuck each other, already? It's like bloody Moonlighting in here. Or the X Files.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:12, Reply)
i am into docking,
i would be well up for some of that.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:15, Reply)
BALDMONKEY'S BEEN BANNED FROM QOTW?
*gasps*

who's baldmonkey?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:56, Reply)
it is a MORAL OUTRAGE
that the GREAT baldmonkey should be BANNED from ANYWHERE.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:58, Reply)
I think he should get cancer and commit suicide.
It's the only option left.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:02, Reply)
i agree,
if only so that he can be a martyr to the people!
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:10, Reply)
and anyone sensible distances themselves from people from Bridgend

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
i knew some guys from bridgend,
they seemed alright like,
not the sorts to go killing themselves.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
I'm trying to think if I know anyone from there
I don't think I do.

I know some from Port Talbot though. They could do with killing themselves quite frankly.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:50, Reply)
I teach some people there
i feel bad enough for them that they live under that cloud of industrial hideousness
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
i dunno it must be kind of fun living in blade runner.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
i like driving past it
just not staying in it.

also, it was the inspiration for that film Brazil
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:57, Reply)
more things are pointing to the
idea that I don't opt for the job there
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
about 20

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:47, Reply)
yeh, they would all be about 20 by now,
i don't know why i would know 20 year olds.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
Sorry chief
I'd say "internet banter" but that's worn thin.

Accept that I haven't a clue who you are or what you're about. I made a tasteless comment that 999 times out of 1000 wouldn't wound anyone.

You've got my apologies, given in good grace, but they're for not knowing your background rather than the comment I made.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
the main background you need to understand from this post
is that i am bored.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:49, Reply)
And a bit unusual
I don't do /talk, so maybe the confrontational style pulled me up in my tracks.

Don't do that to me again, eh? I'm a gentle soul, I don't like to open wounds and you had me worried.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:55, Reply)
oh god what have i done
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:59, Reply)
Been a twat
If possible, don't do it again.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:03, Reply)
i am not sure that that is possible.

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:07, Reply)
I think you're redeemable
But shlock-tactics tend not to work on O/T.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:24, Reply)
i have no interest in your "rules" and "mules"

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:25, Reply)
A few ways.
Go for a walk wiith the dog, sit and read, cook... I also like doing the ironing when the footy's on the radio. The missus doesn't object because she hates ironing, and I get to listen to the match. To some people that may seem like hell, but I actually really quite enjoy flattening clothes. So much so that if I do get made redundant, I may set up in business.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:05, Reply)
I sincerely dislike ironing, but music is helpful.
I might get into bed and stick my earphones on.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:07, Reply)
I'll listen to music too.
Or stick a DVD on. Ironing in silence is no fun though.

Good news on the flat btw :)
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Cheers chap.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:12, Reply)
Fuck that!
I've just eaten the most unhealthy dinner I've had in a long time : (


I'm a porker!

I relax by reading in bed or exercise.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:07, Reply)
What did you chow sow?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:08, Reply)
What did you have Blousie?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Well I had planned on having a posh pizza but having got home I found that you have to defrost it first before you can cook it.
So I ordered chicken and chips from the takeaway. I feel like I'm swimming in grease.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:12, Reply)
Salt and vinegar?
EDIT: Compared to other take-away foods Fish and chips have: 9.42 grams of fat per 100 grams. The average pizza has 11, Big Mac meal with medium fries has 12.1, Whopper meal with medium fries has 14.5, chicken korma 15.5 and doner kebab 16.2.

Fish and chips have 595 calories in the average portion - an average pizza has 871, Big Mac meal with medium fries has 888, Whopper meal with medium fries has 892, chicken korma 910 and doner kebab 924.

Statistics courtesy of Seafish UK.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:14, Reply)
Of course.
Edit - Luckily I haven't eaten too much earlier. It's just mentally I feel like Jabba the hut. It's a woman thing.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:14, Reply)
I've added some more info
To make you feel a bit better!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:16, Reply)
How much is chicken and chips in your part of the world?
Also, how much chicken did you get? A half?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
Three peices which were bigger than I anticipated for £2.95.
Chips are £1.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:26, Reply)
3 chicken and 1 chips?
Did you get a diet-coke as well?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:28, Reply)
I'm not keen on fizzy pop.
Apart from fizzy vimto.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
You probably don't have enough room for a drink
After eating 3 chickens.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
I didn't eat it all which is not like me.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
Saving some for breakfast eh?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:41, Reply)
Pfft! in the bin.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:44, Reply)
That is classic bulimic behaviour!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
Once upon a time I would have scoffed the lot and thrown up but not now.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:58, Reply)
You'll just pick a few stray chips out of the bin if you wake up in the night and feel a bit peckish!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:02, Reply)
now she's throwing up

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:09, Reply)
Another classic sign of bulimic behaviour.
Blousie! Get help!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:10, Reply)
throwing up
isn't just due to bulimia
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:14, Reply)
Are you suggesting eating chips from the bin might make someone poorly?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:14, Reply)
I wanted pie and chips from the van last night
but I was so monged out by the time I got to the sofa I forgot to listen out for it :(
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:19, Reply)
you have a pir and chips van!
woah, that's like the future
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:21, Reply)
It's got a bell and everything.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:23, Reply)
What tune does it play?
And does the bloke with the pie van call gravy 'Dragon's Blood' to appeal to the kids?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:29, Reply)
It plays that "dingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingdingding" tune
and the people in the back look like they're wearing greasy lab coats. If it wasn't for the salt, vinegar and fat it'd be quite disconcerting.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:31, Reply)
Do they go round the streets picking up stray animals
Before sticking them in a pie?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:33, Reply)
this is the answer to Kristine's problem!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:57, Reply)
Dog-pie!
Sounds fantastic.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:03, Reply)
Reading is something I've stopped doing recently.
I need to find something amusing.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Well don't go looking for Jeff *laughs*
Sorry Jeff.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:14, Reply)
You only posted that for Internet
ATTENTION.

(Which you got!)
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:18, Reply)
It's just a shame I have to insult you to get attention.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:20, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:22, Reply)
Going for a walk with some music and some fags
deep breathing, talking to my/any cat, being alone.

Hope you calm down!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:09, Reply)
Lampito!
Alright? I do need to walk, actually, the weather's fucking crappy and I don't feel like it. Probably moving this weekend so I don't think I'll get a chance to get out and about, but I'll definitely be exercised.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
Not too bad now, thank you
How's the new place?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:13, Reply)
Filling up with odds and ends of furniture, waiting for carpet and for me to pull my finger out and buy important things.
/ac
Got a cooker for nothing today which is a fucking result!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:22, Reply)
Huge success!
I'm glad it's going reasonably ok. I hate carpet.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:26, Reply)
just been for a swim
despite not having done any exercise for months, my stamina seems to be twice as good as before and my form was still good.

Fitnesssmugs!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
have a croissant and shut the fuck the up smugo.
When are you relocating?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:15, Reply)
monday
3 days a week

lame
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:17, Reply)
ouch, think of the long term benefits though

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:18, Reply)
such as?
many people seem to think it will be great for my career, but considering I won't be doing anything I wasn't doing before, and in fact have already missed out on some more interesting and progressive stuff because of it I fail to see how that will happen.

Also, I'm going to have to try hard to make even a bit of extra cash
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:20, Reply)
You are moving work?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:21, Reply)
I'm being seconded
so will be staying in one of the most dull places in Britain for 2 nights a week until the end of March.

What irks me is that I basically had no choice.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:24, Reply)
Look at it as character building.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:29, Reply)
I'm perfectly happy with my character as it is

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:29, Reply)
There may come a time when adversity strikes much deeper than this current situation.
You'll be glad you've overcome this small problem and built up the strength to deal with bigger things.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:36, Reply)
it's not particularly adverse
it's just annoying.

I have heard all arguments for and against, and I have come to terms with the whole thing.

Doesn't mean I can't have a bitch about it. Just need to get on and get started now!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
It's all very well you trying to act all high and mighty
but you'd be crying in your shreddies if you were in Vipros' shoes. Mainly because you'd be really ugly and hairy.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
I am.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
you are what?
high and mighty, crying or ugly and hairy?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:45, Reply)
SPARTACUS!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:47, Reply)
Ugly and hairy.
Sorry just a self putdown which I swore I wouldn't do again.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:47, Reply)
you'd better not
*shakes fist*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
Promise not to do it again.
It's a hard habit to break.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:52, Reply)
All I can say is, sorry to hear that
I work one or two days a week away from home and I'm staying at my parents, and it really sucks even having only a couple of days away from the mrs. Let alone the interruption to your social life.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:22, Reply)
thanks Al
believe it or not, you are the only person who has actually come close to expressing understanding about why I'm not happy about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:29, Reply)
Sounds a bit shit.
I'd hate it if I couldn't return home from work every night. The odd night away due to a course or something is fine, but as a regular thing?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:31, Reply)
yeah, that's what sucks about it
despite it only being two nights a week, I still can't help but feel that my life will be somewhat on hold for the duration.

Add to that the absurdity that my company will be losing £10 per hour that I am there, and that we will have to ship work out to other offices because I'm not there to do it, and the whole thing seems even more stupid.

It's already fucked what was left of my office's meagre coastal modelling ability.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
: (

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:40, Reply)
*shrugs*
fuck it. what can you do eh?

it's not all downsides though. I was asked for personally because of my mad skillz, I'll be very well placed for getting more work, and for seeing what is happening within the organisation with the cuts and whatnot.

Also might get to go out, do some surveying and maybe some flood reconnaissance which I would very much enjoy.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:44, Reply)
As long as there are some bright sides
Do you get to claim mileage driving to and from your new place of work. If so that can be pretty lucrative.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
having to use a hire car unfortunately
so all mileage costs go to the company rather than in my pocket. I have pretty good allowances for room and subsistence, so am working on getting a room in a house share with full board (there's at least one out there) so the subs can all go straight in my pocket.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
Good man

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:57, Reply)
Oh, right, well, you know
*scuffs feet*

*punches Vipros in the shoulder*

*looks away*

*looks back*

Right, Fuck Off you massive beardy gayer.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
bugger you
I pretended to express understanding of what it would be like to have a job
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:57, Reply)
And a relationship

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:04, Reply)
equally valid for the last two years
you're right

/weeps into whisky
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:05, Reply)
I loooooooove swimming

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:24, Reply)
Gah.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:26, Reply)
Go for a walk
And either go to a nice pub with a lovely fire and have a pint of ale, or go for a walk, get home and open a bottle of red.

Put on your slippers, put on some music and just exist.

(If you have a smoking jacket, put that on too).
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:10, Reply)
dad?

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:12, Reply)
I am victorian Dad!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:17, Reply)
Do you put covers on the piano legs
Lest the children succumb to lustful urges?

One of the better Viz characters, I thought.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:22, Reply)
He was a fine Viz character
Is he still in it?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:31, Reply)
I don't buy Viz much any more
Only if I'm going on a long train journey, because I've filled in my "I-Spy on a train journey" book already.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:36, Reply)
He's still in it occasionally.
I rarely buy it these days and wait for the annual at Christmas.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
A long, relaxing bath.
Until fairly recently I had to take showers all of the time, which had unfortunate connotations for me due to the repeated flashbacks I suffered as a result of being the plaything of Big Eric when I was inside.

Fortunately my arsehole has just about recovered and no longer resembles the open end of a tube of giant smarties. Which means I can finally take a bath without the fear of taking on excess water and drowning.

Also, photography.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:22, Reply)
Self portraits?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:23, Reply)
in the nude?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:24, Reply)
A gentleman never tells.
Fortunately, I am not a gentleman and can therefore proudly claim that my cock has been seen by more women on the internet than blokes have been up Jordan's mimsy.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:25, Reply)
You are not the real Craig as Craig would have used the medical term Vagina.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:31, Reply)
I'm trying to fit in with the kids.
I think it's working.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:33, Reply)
Craig!
I've got a poorly hand.

Can you fuck it up good and proper for me please?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
I think I could manage that.
It's been a while, mind.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Well you don't have to fuck it up completely if you think the skills are lacking.
Maybe you could leave me with a dull pulsing pain, rather than complete disfigurement.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
Well I'm not too sure Craig
Because when you gazzed me the other night - calling yourself Melchett and inviting my intimate response - you overlooked the fact that I'm an overweight 42 year old bloke.

Either that or you're nick-bent.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
My time inside
has left me with a somewhat skewed perception on matters of the heart, it has to be said.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:35, Reply)
Let me tell you
That if you tried it on with me you'd have other skewed bits to worry about.

And when you end up in Chokey again, Big Eric will NOT appreciate a micropenis clumsily stitched back on like something from Bagpuss's shop.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)
I missed the whole Melchett thing the other day.
What happened? Apart from Roota sniffing him out?
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:42, Reply)
Did he really gaz The Dissapointed?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:45, Reply)
Wasn't me.
Honest.
(Craig Colclough I've been on the telly you know. And in the papers, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:46, Reply)
Yes he really did.
Silly git.

I'm not here a lot, and my profile didn't say that I was male, but I got a come-on from Melchett.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:50, Reply)
do you still have the gaz?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:51, Reply)
Regrettably not
It was last Thursday and if you dig back you'll find the thread but I became rather open about an episode from my past.

Our man Melchett steamrollered in, offering an episode from his own life and volunteering a shoulder to cry on.

And I was pretty much ratarsed but as soon as I read the gaz I thought - it's Edmund.

So I did the decent thing and let Roota know.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:02, Reply)
Was it on O/T?
I haven't been around much recently.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:04, Reply)
Yes
I started the thread and I don't want to put a link in because a few people made some very emotive comments in it and I don't want to traduce their open-ness for comedy value.
(I helped save b3ta! The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:18, Reply)
*facepalms*

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:53, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHA
That's fucking funny.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:56, Reply)
runs in
Hugs Noel
Runs out
Falls over gonzs shoes
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:31, Reply)
How is the new job going TGB?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:31, Reply)
good!
Long hours but its pretty rewarding and I learnt about the different kinds of plug today
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
What are you doing?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:35, Reply)
Working in Anne Summers, innit?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:36, Reply)
Chief crotchless panty tester

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
they dont sell big enough pants

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
"You're gonna need some bigger pants".
*EDIT* mindpiss
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:39, Reply)

l
yay pugs!
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:35, Reply)
Glad it's going well.
How long are the hours?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:37, Reply)
Woooooooooooo!
Badge, I need boxes, stat!
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:32, Reply)
oh that was my old job :(

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:34, Reply)
Where do you work now?
Do you need a posh pen for your new job like Gonz?
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:38, Reply)
work in a little plumbing co
I have a chewed biro
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:45, Reply)
Aw! how sweet.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:48, Reply)
I have a read of a book
If it's after twelve I go curl up in the MCR with a DVD. If it's after three am I'll go for a walk round Oxford
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:52, Reply)
am or pm?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:54, Reply)
am
the not sleeping thing can get quite depressing
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:58, Reply)
I've been to Oxford a couple of times.
Lovely place to wander around.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:55, Reply)

ford fam.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:58, Reply)
That too : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:59, Reply)
lols.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:00, Reply)
Go careful though Blousie.
The murder rate there is VERY VERY high.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 19:59, Reply)
Hahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:00, Reply)
JOHN THAW WILL PROTECT YPU!
Apart from the being dead bit, that is.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 20:14, Reply)

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