Sound Effects
I nearly forgot this beauty. Our school just got a new sound system, which meant that all of the old sound effects needed to be reprogramed. Of course, the old sounds were from an olllld machine, so they sounded a bit weak and tired.

Cue opening night of our last play(s) which were both westerns involving a lot of gunplay. The first few times, an actor would fire his or her little plastic gun and a very unconvincing "BANG?" could be heard from the sound booth. We also had the sound of a train recorded for a much much later scene in which a girl is tied to a railroad track.

So, naturally, when one of the characters points her gun to the air and says her line (Git away from me with that talk!), her gun goes off with a resoundingly feeble, "CHOO CHOO!"
(britishbroccoli, Sun 4 Dec 2005, 3:59, Reply)

Brigadoom
Our school does one spring musical every year. They're ususally classics of a certain era: 42nd Street, Anything Goes, etc. Last year was an exception. What did we do?

Brigadoon.

The play sounds interesting enough: two New Yorkers visit the magical town of Brigadoon while hunting in the highlands of Scotland. We were nearly excited about the play.

That was, until the cast list came out. For some of the dances, our directer casted 70 people. That's 70 people doing jazz diamonds and mock ballet on a tiny high school stage. And.. to add insult to injury... we were costumed in plaid horrors. The lead female was adorned in plain comprised of neon green, Barbie pink, and radioactive orange. With a matching green skirt. I was splendedly adorned in bright green and stop sign red with matching plaid so that I looked like Mrs. Claus. Remember, this is in the spring.

I'm just lucky I wasn't in the audience, looking at all that godaweful plaid crashing about on a tiny stage.

Tradition has it that, on the last night of the show, seniors pull pranks. For Brigadoon, we all came out in clans and one kilted man announced the family. McDougel, McFie, McClarren, etc etc until one senior, a girl playing a guy, shouts out the immortal name, "McNugget!" Oh, how the audience laughed.
(britishbroccoli, Sun 4 Dec 2005, 3:28, Reply)

Ah yes...
My year 10 drama class were made to spend a whole lesson watching an A-level performing arts group from the schools sixth form. It was a real A-level exam, being filmed and with an examiner present.

We were all crammed into the tiny drama studio, the whole of my class against the back wall with the examiner and camcorder watching this play thing. I was sat to the right of the camcorder. We were told to be deadly quiet.

Unfortunately, what these students performed was 50 minutes of drivel, just pretentious wank. It was this bizarre (yet totally serious) musical version of Hansel and Gretal. There was a 10 minute recorder solo around a fake campfire, and then a further 10 minutes of some girl dancing around in white lycra(supposed to symbolise something).

Needless to say, I pissed myself and started off a few others around me. Right next to the video camera.

I do love a good comedy.
(PAMPAMPAM, Sun 4 Dec 2005, 1:01, Reply)

Sadly..
Theres not much thats gone wrong with the stage stuff, so ill do the best..

a few months ago i was playing in a band that we had set up for this specific one gig that we played. we were playing to about 1500 people that night, but we realised that we were about one song short of the full compliment.

This was about 5 minutes after the show had began. so we decided to just say
"ok. we're gonna improvise the last one completely. The drummer comes in with a beat, bassist plays a blues riff in E and i'll solo over the top of it for about 4 or 5 minutes."

We finally got on and it was a great success, most people commending the last song we played (the one we totally made up). The only thing that was a bit dodgy was that i had to keep telling the sound tech what to do and how high stuff needed to be... he had the drums all wrong, and you couldnt hear the piano on the stage for shit.

Meh, that considered, it sounded awesome at the end.
( the_man361 bffwaarghhl, Sun 4 Dec 2005, 0:47, Reply)

Gang show
A couple of years ago our scout group put on an entertainment evening for fund raising for the group.

A couple of lads from our section (ventures) were going to do the Spice Girls, i was Baby Spice which meant i had to put on my mums dress don a blonde wig and dance to this choreographed routine we had planned.

We were on late and by the time we had to come on stage i was absolutely bladdered, i thought it would be funny to wear no underwear under the dress. Things we swimmingly until the end when we were walking off the stage and i decided to pull a moony. In front of all my family and friends on stage. My mum still has it on tape somewhere and you can hear the wolf whistles in the background. I loved that night.
(PieEater, Sun 4 Dec 2005, 0:43, Reply)

Luvvy tales? Don't mind if I do.
I've dragged Vicky Michelle across a rehearsal room floor as she clung to my leg.

You can see my arse crack in some of the promos for Space cadets, and I've danced on the Dick n Dom show with 65 buckets of prridge down my trousers.

And tomorrow, someone is auditioning my Bottom.
( Argh-wrath ... is a very lame Glorantha joke, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 23:00, Reply)

"Don't look in the back!"
This is more a story of life off-stage but...

I was in a production of Wind in the Willows, and transporting home two of the junior chorus afterwards. These two girls had been weasels, and they were dollwed up in the style of 60's bobby-girls, with flared petticoated skirts, fishnets, and tight tops. They were also, being in a show, made-up to high heven with caked-on makeup.

They both sat in the back of my car, and this - yes, this - would be the night that the police pull me over for a routine check on the way home! They asked me to get out, and ran my license through the system and what have you, gave me a few funny looks, and sent me on my way.

I thank Christ to this day that they didn't take a closer look at the backseat occupants of my car who looked for all the world like a pair of under-aged prostitutes!
(Bellman, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 22:15, Reply)

"Do you want to buy some decent music?"
I've only been on stage once since my childhood acting days, which were rather nifty if I say so myself. Anyway, a few friends have a band Silver Electric and were playing at a fairly low rate school based gig. They played, rocked, and went off. Then along came some Blink182 wannabe bastards who sounded awful and had some pug-faced ginger twat as their singer who sounded like some Grange Hill reject. Now my friends had recently released an album, low-key of course, but they were selling copies at this gig. So, having had a few drinks, I said I should really go and try and sell this aural-rapists a CD. Jokingly. Of course I was egged on into finally doing it, walking on stage looking a bit wasted, going up to aforementionned ginger twat and saying "Do you wanna by some decent music? Only £5" Cue several hundred people getting the impression that I was a hammered obnoxious dickhead....which was fairly accurate. Anyway, while on stage, apparently one of my friends, who had been encouraging me to do this, shouted out "Get off the stage you fat chinese cunt!" perhaps the best heckle heard that evening. So I went on stage as a heckler, and was myself heckled, why the hell did I need to post that story?
(Elmsters, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 21:57, Reply)

Game
In 6th grade, this real dick of a teacher made us all be in a play, which was just strange and bizarre. We were supposed to be strange little fairies or something that were to burst forth from a 'Gameboy', which was just a wooden frame and paper covering the opening we were to jump through. The second girl through trip over the frame and fell flat on her face in front of a packed audience. We couldn't help but crack up, because we were 11 year old bastards.
(thiess, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 21:34, Reply)

Don't play punk.
In my first real band, our first gig was at a halloween party. We played a bunch of crap tunes cause everyone picked out four songs they wanted to do, so we ended up all over the place. We later settled into being a punk band.

Anyways, the first gig was both recorded and terrible, particularly on my part, as I had yet to develop my vocal chops (still do, but now I know how to fake it anyways), and they still pull out the tape of the show and torture me with it periodically.

That said, my favourite moment was when we were playing the local punk dive some months later and a Croatian got up onstage, whipped his pants down and shoved the bass player's mic up his arse. He had to smell Croatian poo for the rest of the gig, which I rather enjoyed, because he's a bastard.
(revjtoad, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 21:03, Reply)

Improvisation
I'm a vague actor type (im going to do theatre studies at uni next year... mwhaha no work!), and i got roped into doing a drama revue thing in september. i had five mates who wanted to do it as well, so we eagerly set to work making up a fantastic piece of drama to inspire and bedazzle. the revue was is novemember, we had lots of time.

unfortuantly we didnt do anything. at all.

it got to the day of the performance. we still had nothing. we begged the organisers to withdraw us, as we had nothing. they didnt believe us.

so we did the only thing we could do. we put on silly hats and made it up on the night.

and it worked! the audience loved us! it was the euphroia of being drunk but without the vomit.
(davethefoolishone, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 20:51, Reply)

I was a munchkin
I was a munchkin in the wizard of oz not just any munchkin tho.I never fit in with the rest of the munchkin cast they wud all laff at me.I quit the play. i never did learn why until sumone pointed out that i was 5 foot 7 and taller than dorothy.Upon hearin this i took my revenge on the munchkins of oz and the sad bitch who cast me.
(torture bunny lives under the kitchen sink, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 20:38, Reply)

Bunch of Cunts
I was in many a musical back in 6th Form (mainly cause I wanted to piece the English teacher that directed them!). Final year we did that soppy piece of 50's shite, Grease. Me and my best mate both thought we were the dog's bollocks and expected to get the top parts. I ended up getting Sonny and my mate got Kenickie, the lucky swine!

Now imagine the BIGGEST cunt on the earth; the one that brought his guitar into the common room and played Bohemian rhapsody, singing at full volume all of the parts. The man was prick beyond measure.

Come rehearsals it is announced who sandra D was, a hottie with the best rack ever. And the lucky sod that got to get off with her and cop a feel 4 nights in a row.... The Prick! That was it, half the cast threatened to leave but we're talked around by bribes of extra credit. Me and my mate where told that if we left we'd pretty much have our privelages taken away from us for the rest of our A levels. Cunts!
Anyway the play was disasterous. I was left on the stage numurous times, improvising with some idiotic year 10 (although for every line I improved he'd come back with, "Ya, fosure") waiting for the PRICK to appear from the wings. Anyway, short story long my mate is now banging sandra dee and we ripped apart greased lightning on the last night. Oh and knocking the prick off the end of the stage in the finale was a complete accident.....
( DijonWolfie profile 1 of 1, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 20:38, Reply)

Where it all started to go wrong...
Was, at 10 years old, being asked to play the title role in "Rumplestiltskin". South Newbarns School, Barrow, 1978 if you were there.

So, as everyone knows Rumplestiltskin talks a lot of bollocks about his daughter's hair, gets caught out and explodes. Roughly.

The school interpretation of me exploding (which I obviously did'nt really do) was me leaping into a big wicker basket behind which an indoor firework went off.

Two shows - fine. I've been playing my part like I'm born to it and am already considering asking for my own dressing room rather than the Headmaster's office.

Third and final show - frankly, a virtuouso performance on my part and I gracefully vault into my wicker basket with the bang and flash behind me, smugly anticipating the thunderous applause that will great my Lazarus-like resurrection.

And I can smell burning. The cast are singing "Tee hee hee the lying git's dead" or similar and I squirm round to see that the firework has set the wicker basket on fire.

So with a startled cry of "Dogs Tits" or whatever my choice of expletive was in those days I leap back out of my basket straight into the middle of the finale, and not a moment too soon as it bursts into flames behind me.

Now I'm 37. Is it safe outside yet?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 20:07, Reply)

Homemade vibrator
Now this one was me unfortunately. For my Drama GCSE Me and a mixed group of others decided to do a play where one of the scenes involved a woman getting a vibrator for christmas and not having a clue what it was (I forget the title). No prizes for guessing who played that woman.

One of the blokes decided to make a prop vibrator for the big day. Cue me opening the parcel to come face to face with a toilet roll with a big red christmas tree decoration wedged in the top. If that wasn't bad enough he'd taken the little motor from a battery powered fan and wedged it in so it started humming in my hand.

I tried not to laugh but it was pretty hard not to considering a whole room full of people were. No wonder I got a D for my GCSE dammit.
(chakaflange, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 17:32, Reply)

Who needs an audience?
About 4 years ago the band that I play keyboards in agreed to do a gig in a small nearby town. It had been put on by a young kid of about 15 who wanted to get into music promotion and all that. He borrowed hundreds of pounds from his parents and put a lot of work into the event. He booked four bands to play and had professional lighting and sound guys, and hired a village hall.

Unfortunately he forgot to do any advertising. So when the event came along the "audience" consisted of the bands and the band's friends.

The first band on were a young band. Some guys in the "crowd" were throwing around a big inflatable football referee (don't ask!). The young band were about half-way through their first song when someone lobbed the referee at them. It hit the lead singer's mic which then hit him in the mouth knocking out his front teeth. The band carried on while he was on his knees looking for his teeth. He turned back to the mic saying "You've knocked me teeth out, ya bastards!" before carrying on with the song with blood running down his chin. Respect!

The second band on were also a young band. They decided to have friends dressed in women's clothes, wondering the stage swigging from vodka bottles and smoking joints. Look, here they are:



A little later we heard that one of the guys had passed out and had to be taken to hospital to have his stomach pumped.

It was around this time that I decided I wasn't going to do this gig sober.

By the time we played I was so pissed that I don't actually remember playing. But I'm told I played ok even though I grinned a lot and I waved at people when I should have been playing. Here I am, looking like I'm getting into it:



And here's a photo of the "crowd":



I don't remember packing up but I was told that the singer fell over carrying a bass speaker because he was so pissed.

Great days, great days!
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 17:21, Reply)

one way and another
Me and my best mate at the time used to be the class fools, everytime there was a play or something we'd have parts made up for us for the comedy element.

Peter Pan as one example i suppose, had 2 pirates made for comic effect, also, used to recite films e.t.c.

what i've neglected to mention is that this was between 15-20 years ago, since then i went back stage (technical)

and my mate i haven't seen from school stayed on stage, having just reformed his band under a different name after kicking out the crack head singer
(1_not_so_careful_owner, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 15:48, Reply)

When I was little
I was cast into some play or other. Can't for the life* of me remember what it was. But a circus was involved. With a snake charmer, and me, as the snakes. No, really. I mean, my length and girth have amazed many** people, but visibly impressive from the back of a school hall? I used my arms, painted thickly in makeup, and waved them about to the music. On our opening matinee, we played to the rest of the school and some parents who'd taken the day off, including my dear old Dad. Apparently, near the start of my act, some wretch shouted "They're not snakes! That's someone's arms!"

So there you have it. My arms have been heckled on stage. Gah!

* may be an exaggeration

** may be more of an exaggeration
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 15:47, Reply)

When I was a wee lass at the age of 5
I used to be in this little ballet class though the description dancing like a mong to shit music would be more appropriate.

Each year, everybody would be in this play. The theme was Princess and Knight. On stage, I got into a fight with a boy who I had to hold hands with for the dance. I'm not sure what happened, but I slapped him, he kicked me, we screamed at each other and the whole crowd was laughing their asses off.

I used to have it on video, but I lost it..
(thick as a brick I think a no, I mean a yes, but it's all wrong, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 15:27, Reply)

With some mates in Austria
We were at a street fair thing, and it was late and we were a little bit drunk as they were selling JD and coke in cans.
So, wandering around we find a very large (read: fat) Austrian guy on a stage singing very badly. My mates decide that it would be much more amusing to jump on stage and dance with the poor fellow. Me being the sensible one stayed off the stage and took photos.
They got bored of dancing around and being told to sod off by a fat man, so we walked over to the main stage to see (what we thought was) the bon jovi tribute band.
I know everyone loves bon jovi, but one of the people with me had a curiously strong facination with them, and when he found out that it wasn't the bon jovi tribute band, jumped on stage in the middle of a song and started yelling at the lead singer to play bon jovi.
To our surprise it worked, they soon played Living on a prayer, causing much excitement and more jumping around on stage.

None of the Austrians joined in, I think they were a bit freaked out by the strange bon jovi loving British people.


Well, apart from the strange lesbian that started fondling me, but that's another story...
(freddiestarfish, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 14:23, Reply)

backsatge
Just finished backstage "work" on merchant of venice. Fun stuff. Ended up just sitting there and playing blackjack for the most part and then scene changing which we managed to screw up pretty much every night.
Actors missing lines as well pissed us and lighting guys up.
fun stuff happens behind the scenes :P
(/lurks], Sat 3 Dec 2005, 11:56, Reply)

Streetcar Named Desire
I was once down to play Mitch in 'A Streetcar Named Desire'. The most attractive girl in the school was down to play Blanche, Mitch's dubious love-interest. There was one scene where I had to basically fondle her tits, and say 'just give me a slap if I get out of bounds'.

For some reason, unexplainable to this day, I kept getting the scene wrong in rehearsals so we had to do it over and over again. I don't think she minded that much though, as on one memorable occassion she turned round and, briefly dropping out of character, said quite loudly, "that was really shit - just grope me!".

I didn't get it any righter, as we still had to re-do the scene several times...But I never got the slap.

Happy times.
(Pope Pius IX, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 10:48, Reply)

My old man...the BASTARD
My father owns a specialty wine/spirits/beer shop, which I am the general manager for. A couple of months back he was to give a presentation on Single Malt Scotch for the local University Alumni Association. I was to come along and assist with the set-up and the pouring and such. Basically show up,wear a suit, hand out business cards, smile, and get drunk with the caterer later. Fine. My dad gets up to the microphone and says to about 75 people, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm feeling a little under the weather, so my son will be conducting the tasting tonight." Fuck.
(Savitar, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 4:25, Reply)

SCROOGE
was recently involved in a production of SCROOGE, the musical based on Charles Dickns Christmas Carol. I was playing double bass, we also had a band of various other wind and brass instruments in addition to timpani and 2 keyboards. a few classic moments came out of this
Tiny Tim, a little 10 year old kid on a crutch on one side, within the one performance managed to switch the lame leg a few times, sang a whole song, a really sweet one 'on a beautiful day that i dream of' sitting on a table, legs open and swinging (as scripted) with his fly open, and slip over walking across his stage (his crutch hit abit of snow fluid). most of the band had a good laugh at this, except the timpani player who normally laughs at everything, so at the interval i mention it to him and his reaction, with a completely straight face and being completely serious, was 'yes i saw that, i just didnt think it was funny, after all the little shit managed to keep his balance!'

another night, our ghost of christmas present was meant to have a conversation with scrooge:
g: drink this
s: what is it?
g: the milk of human kindness
s: iv never tasted anything like it, can i have some more
g: (then pours more)

what ghost actually said was:
g: the spirit of human kindness
s: can i have some more?
g: NO!!!!
S: (looks very confused and put off)
he couldnt have been more wrong if he'd said rhubarb!
this actor, by the way, is the same bloke that comes on at the end of 42nd street singing, solo, FIFTY SEVENTH STREEEEET!!

another time, we were playing along for the reprise of the aforementioned beautiful day song, with a dead tiny tim singing off stage, very emotional moment, final note, meant to be very quiet, i slipped and twatted the bass string as hard as is possible without breaking a string, and if you dont know, a double bass is bloody loud!

On the last night, we (the band) decided to have some fun with our conductor. it also happened that his parents were in the audience that night, they came over from ireland to see his show conducting debut.
within the one night, half the band swapped places with the other half, a light jolly solo that should have been on piccolo was played comically on the trombone, we placed one of those fart speakers under his chair at the start of the week and he was STILL blaming the floorboards, and we found the nastiest picture of a huge fat black ugly woman naked, legs open, and selotaped that onto the page of his music that was the most emotional song of the whole piece



apologies for length, girth and all other things, but hey, iv finally popped my b3ta cherry!
(jimmothy1987, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 2:52, Reply)

Band Life - So many!!!!
Many of our problems stem from the fact that most sound techs at any venue we play are shite!

1) Show was meant to start at 6:30, we were the first band on (it was our first ever gig), and we had our sound check at 7:30, in front of a full crowd! And the sodding sound tech called Dom told us it was fine and we should just start the gig (after 1 minute of sound checking). Thankfully some guy in the crowd came over to us and said "turn that guitar up, the bass down etc" so we controlled the sound levels ourselves. At the end of our set Dom comes over and says to our drummer "The snare wasn't loud enough, you should hit it harder!" and he set the fucking drum mics up, by utting them all on the floor next to the kit. What a cock!

2) Another place, another crap sound tech! This guy decided to place the microphone to pick up the rhythm guitar a few metres away from the amp, so that no rhythm guitar can be heard. We have to stop our first song to point this out to him, so he comes over, looks at the amp, preteds to do something, says its fine, then fucks off and tells us to get on with the show! He also spent ages in the sound check getting the third vocal mic correct, even though we only have two singers!

3) This was in quite a well known venue. I try to be helpful and point out to the sound tech that I have different settings on my amp, and that if he gets the general sound level right then i can control it myself (so when we play a qite bit i press my footswitch ad my guitar goes quite etc). His reply: "Don't fucking tell me how to do my job, I'm a professional! I once did the sound for Muse! You know who I mean! If you sound shit its your fault cos I'm a fucking brilliant sound tech!" and he walks off. I ws jus trying to help. So we get on stage and start playing and we go to the quite bit which i have done myself with teh fotswitch. I can see the sound tech in his little box turning my volume up - even though i tried to tell him i can control it! The song goes into a heavy rock part (involving me pressing teh footswitch and changing onto my Over Drive channel with massive gain and volume) and the whole place screeches with feedback and deafens everyone in the first 10 rows! What a professional!
(JK5150, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 2:38, Reply)

This business we call 'Show'
What a pretentious little tit I was as a kid.

I wanted to be Lena Zavaroni, and as my dad always played in a band, I got the sickly little opportunity at about the age of 6, to sing some choice tracks from one of her albums, in the band's interval. To a crowd of about 200, I'll pretentiously have you all know!

I got a round of applause, but that's just good manners.
(Kit-Koo, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 2:14, Reply)

After Show Party Show
I'm no actor. So I opted to do the lighting for the school production of Godspell. All the performances went very well and I really enjoyed having a 1KWatt spotlight all to myself; panning it over the stage and audience.
After the last show came and went, we all piled into the school minibus and went to this very posh house, owned by the leads parents I think. It was a house on multi levels that was built into the hillside. The driveway had a steep incline and rounded a corner into a garage. Above the garage was a balcony, where you got a great view over the surrounding valley.
Anyway we hit the kitchen to find a table loaded with food and another covered in wineboxes and bottles of beer. The food hardly got touched. A mate of mine was found under the food table emptying an entire winebox into his mouth. Of course we didn't stop him, to be quite honest I don't think anyone would have been able to, as between mouthfuls he was growling at passers by.
I decided to check on him an hour or so later. He was shot to bits, red wine stains over a white shirt and he was moaning loudly. It took three of us to finally remove the table and drag him to the balcony. The fresh air did work wonders, after a while. Soon he was talking and even asked for a glass of water. Then it happened, the first time I had ever seen projectile vomit. It flew out of him, not curling off for at least 2 meters. Being that we were on the balcony it seemed as if time or gravity had stopped and when it finally did hit the driveway it made the sound of a bucket of water being sloshed on tarmac. In the gloom you could just about make out that a 'river of puke' that was trickling down the driveway.
We took the piss for weeks, but were all slightly in ore of his debut.
( David Bardell Diks - In Car 956, Sat 3 Dec 2005, 1:10, Reply)

Graduation Day
It's amazing what even ten seconds worth of being centre stage can do to the poor human brain. Probably the funniest two both happened on the day I graduated and I still can't figure out which one was the winner.

It's possibly the fat, hairy boy who tries to pretend that looking like a freak is 'alternative'. Carrying out his life in his 'own way' where he 'doesn't play by the rules'. In reality he doesn't play by the rules until mummy finds out and gets angry. In general, he thinks he's cool but everyone else thinks he's a total gimp. This can be proven when he crosses the stage to collect his degree and, realising the time to assert his 'obvious' coolness is right now, stops, turns to the audience and gives everyone the peace sign. The near-constant applause suddenly drops to a polite finger tapping noise and above the murmurs a voice sails from the back of the hall hollering "FUCK OFF YOU FAT TWAT!" He is unique in the fact that I've never seen anyone else's face so clearly telegraph the crushing of their hope, spirit and dreams so quickly and entertainingly

The other candidate was the girl whose brain simply imploded under the attention. Despite spending a good hour or so watching people walk up the stairs on the right, collect their degree, then walk down the stairs on the left she obviously couldn't grasp this complicated proceedure. She walked up the stairs on the right, collected her degree (all the while smiling) and then for some completely inexplicable reason turned hard left and just walked off the front of the stage, six feet down and into some potted plants. I wouldn't care, but the audience were as lit as the stage, she must have seen the drop coming as she walked towards it!

On second thoughts, maybe we're all winners. Well, except them of course.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Sat 3 Dec 2005, 0:35, Reply)

I just remembered another one.
I was playing at York Uni back in 1989. The support band was a uni band called The Flowers. We were sat in our dressing room running through the set list and there was a knock on the door. In came this really toffee nosed twunt who turned out to be the lead guitarist in the support band. Talk about a ponce! He made Brian Sewell sound common, and all he went on about was how he liked our band, how he had bought our new album, had all our albums and went on to talk about his 'daddy'. Daddy this, daddy that, you would think he was 6 years old. Anyway, he banged on and on about this Gibson Les Paul 'daddy' had found in America. It was a very early one, one of the first 500 made as I remember. In todays money, worth around 40 grand. Our guitarist also had a few Les Pauls but nothing like this. The toff was boasting like a kid in a playground and offered our guitarist a go as a treat. Of course he told him to fuck off and we kicked him out of the dressing room. The band had just gone on stage, and from the response they got from their fellow students, we presumed they were also all of the shit. They started off with the Stone's 'Jumping Jack Flash'. They rhythm guitarist began the intro and after the fourth bar shouted "1-2". The lead guitarist then swung into action. Literally, hitting the headstock of the guitar against the mic stand, snapping it off. His expression was priceless. The whole band ground to a halt, the audience were in fits of laughter and our guitarist walked onto the stage and offered him the use of a rather clapped out beaten up old Strat copy he used for throwing about. Fuckin' priceless!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 2 Dec 2005, 23:56, Reply)