and I'm back....
People who start a sentence with "No but..." Am sure you know what I mean. Oh please say you do

Jordan
Kerry Katona
Amy Winehouse
James Blunt
Sky's so-called "Freeview Channels" Why do we have to pay for E4 and More4? You tightarsed fuckheads.

DAB radio stations disappearing all the time
Mormons harassing me
Chuggers
EDF/Scottish Power/Any of you bastards that lurk around the supermarket exits. Don't call me sweetheart. Just...don't. OK?
My mother deliberately mispronouncing words. She knows that it annoys the fuck out of me

Mr Twaddle constantly watching snooker and expecting me to be interested in Ronnie O' Sullivan's life history

My fridge

Junior Twaddle waking up just as I was about to post something juicy........
(pussy twaddle performs indiscretions in branches of Millets..., Fri 2 May 2008, 23:21, 1 reply)

Note to BMW Drivers
1 - I am *not* hogging the middle lane if I am doing 85mph with a string of HGVs in the left lane.
2 - You've got a twunting outside lane to act like a cock in, use it you pricks.
3 - You are a cunt.
4 - See 3.
(Axeman Jim, Fri 2 May 2008, 23:17, 2 replies)

Sat-nav

i've just a pulled return trip from Reading to Gloucester for my work experience placement...

the sat-nav, sent us via BRISTOL- i told my mum "the motorway signs say THAT WAY"
everyone else is going "that way"-
my mum grew up 20 minutes from where we're going, and "normally goes that way"

but we still ended up in Bristol because the fucking sat-nav says so. It took near 3 hours. i nagivate back (using nothing but road signs and talent- i can't even drive), we're on STRAIGHT ROAD for 52 miles and it takes an hour & 45 minutes.

fucking cunting machines I HATE THEM.


*pop*
no length, no girth
sheer talent.
(dresden, Fri 2 May 2008, 23:17, 2 replies)

Old ladies on the bus
Some are genuine, some are just shits. I had to go to A&E once because my knee was so fucked up. There was me and ONE other person on a fairly large bus, and I was sat somewhere in the middle, with one leg on the seat (I couldn't bend it) and my other foot on the floor. This stupid bint went and tapped my foot (the way people would if that was the last or easiest available seat on a packed bus) and asked me to move my leg in a bitchy manner. I smiled and apologised, telling her I couldn't really bend my leg because of PAIN, and she complained to the bus driver. He was obviously on my side, given that I'd asked for 'hospital' and dragged myself onto the bus.


Another time and another old lady. I have a BAHA, which is a hearing aid that's implanted into bone on the skull to make vibrations. Nobody else can hear any sound from it, only the whistle they sometimes make. I also have a headphone which plugs into that. My ipod was plugged into this on a journey home. Some woman sat next to me, not saying a word to me for a good 5 minutes. The minute I got my ipod out to change the track, she tapped me on the shoulder and said in a really nasty manner 'turn the music down please, I can hear the words!'. I got smiles and nods after I ranted to her that I knew for a FACT she could not hear a bloody thing, and told her why she couldn't. I'd understand if it was whistling she could hear, but I can hear that too and I certainly wouldn't be playing music on top of it!

I don't mind old people, but some are fucking deliberately obnoxious.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Fri 2 May 2008, 23:12, 3 replies)

Mob Rule aka Inconsiderate Cunts
Just about everyone is guilty of this, some more than others, what do I mean? I'll give you a couple of prime examples:

1) You're walking down a pavement by yourself and there are two people who are with each other walking towards you, 90% of the time you're expected to make way for them just because they want to walk side-by-side. Why the fuck can't one walk behind the other for literally a few seconds?!
2) Shopping in supermarkets. Somehow I don't think I need to explain myself here, but I will. Just how many times have you had to walk around a group of two or more people because they're proving just how good they are at "idiot banter" whilst standing with their trolleys right in the middle of the fucking aisle!

The human race - not a virus, just a bunch of inconsiderate cunts.
(apart from a minority who do care about others and are aware of their actions and surroundings when amongst other people. thank you guys!)
( Haku Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips., Fri 2 May 2008, 22:59, Reply)

Jeyes "freshbin"
www.jeyes.co.uk/jeyesfluidFDP.htm

Its a can of stuff to make your wheelie bin smell nice...I mean WHY? its a fucking bin, you put rubbish in it not your nose.

And its wheelie bins as well, they have a lid and go OUTSIDE! How is that smell bothering you?


The annoyance also applies to most other pointless shite that is advertised on the telly.
(BeardyWierdy, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:49, 1 reply)

Hmmm...
I like this QOTW. It makes me angry when people think they are better than me if they find out I live in a council flat, I'm married, have no children and work full time. We just haven't been able to afford a place of our own. Until now. Which brings me on to the next thing that makes me mad - trying to get a home. We were told there was no chain and as quickly as we could get our side of things done, we could move in. Or not as it seems, as they appear to have quickly changed their mind, they are now buying a house and we have to wait now for them to go through the same process we have nearly finished going through. Instead of moving next week, it could be next month or next year.
It also makes me angry when I am in my local shopping centre and hear from the other side of whichever shop I may be in, the cry of an obviously upset child, who needs a cuddle and some words of comfort. It makes me angry that the words of comfort are usually 'Shut the f*@k up before I give you something to really cry about.' The cuddle usually comes in the form of a greggs sausage roll wedged into their mouths to muffle the sobs. I understand it must hard looking after a child but these are usually the people who, 15 years down the line, moan about having grandkids to look after instead of having their freedom, or have to visit 2 different prisons a week to see their kids.
Got a bit carried away but it was theraputic.
Haven't posted for so long I feel like I've lost my virginity again!
( randomwomanwholikespink, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:39, 2 replies)

The BNP
Fucking vicious racist fascist fuctards!

Didn't you here? WE ALREADY BEAT THE NAZIS ONCE!!

This is a country learning to live with the legacy of empire; typically we take newcomers in graciously, and then within one generation they are as english as the rest of us.

Snd then along comes a bunch of cunty-twats who aren't even competent at being rightwing fuckheads!!

C'mon then cunts; I've run you off the streets once before and i'll be happy to do it again.

Call yourself the fucking master-race?!?!
(brumguvnor www.twitter.com/brumguvnor, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:35, 2 replies)

Oh now you've got me started...
What pisses me off? Got all year? Rub your eyes and pull up a comfy beanbag.

You chavvy munters who wear those fecking huge hoops in your ears. They do not look nice, they look like something you'd rest your ankles in while shagging. Urrgh.

No, I do not want to listen to your horrible shouty gangster/thrash/whatever combination of themes is in fashion this week, through your tinny speakered little chav phone. Twots.

Oi, you little bastards who think it's funny to ride your scabby little mopeds three abreast up and down my road all day - you wouldn't think it funny if one of you was knocked off by the speeding chavscumsuckers who use the road as a practice run for Silverstone, now would you? Besides, it disturbs Mr Twaddle (who is already disturbed...we won't dwell on that)


Old people who congratulate me on having such a beautiful little girl. I do have a beautiful girl, she is 21, and if you bothered putting the right fecking glasses on, you would see that the beaming cherub of which you have such a high opinion, you would see that he is a little boy! Who would quite rightly kick you in the chuff if I trained him properly.


The fucking job centre. For sending me on New Deal courses where all we do is exchange filth, visit B3ta and sleep. Not very inspiring. Leave me alone so that I can find my own job ie, one that pays me more than the price of a tin of beans per week. You bastards.

The Odeon cinema in my town who refuse to show Oscar winning films because "they're not family friendly". Fair enough, if they have a 15 or an 18 rating. But why are you not showing "Twenty One"? Because you're twunts, that's why, who know bastard all about anything.

The bastard child who scratched my son's face the other week. And his bastard mum who didn't even bother coming over to apologise or even see if the whimpering toddler (mine) was ok. No. She just picked up her obnoxious little brat and kissed him better! Hope he grows up to be a Tory minister with a fetish problem.


I love everybody. No really.......
(pussy twaddle performs indiscretions in branches of Millets..., Fri 2 May 2008, 22:28, Reply)

incon-fucking-siderate cunting twats who put my sons life at risk cos' they can't be bothered to walk TEN FUCKING FEET!
I am a proud father of a three and a half year old son. (and it is the best feckin' thing I ever did in my life; just great! - if you are thinking about it, well - i'd recommend it wholeheartedly)

So; we drop off the Urchin at nursery; they are on a right hand turn and there is just a HUGE amount of pavement to pull up on and extract offspring from car to walk the massive ten foot to the door.

You walk through a gate to get to the door of the kindergarten - and here is the problem; even though there is enough fecking room on the pavement to park an entire years worth of output from every car factory in China some arrogant-BMW-driving CUNTS are so FUCKING lazy that they have to drive through the gate...

... the gate that I have to walk through with my son walking besides me.

This absolutely drives me to distraction; why on Gods good green earth do they have to drive through a narrow little gate in order to be 20 millimeters nearer to where they have to go?

And when they are there they have to do a fucking 97 point turn to get back out again! - each time missing the door through which I emerge with Beloved Offspring by the distance of a gnats shaved chuff-hair!

ARGH! Obnoxious, arrogant cunting middle class BMW driving FUCKTARDS!!!!!

And yes - I do feel better for letting that out of my system. What's that you say? - a spliff?! - oh go on then - mine's a large one....
(brumguvnor www.twitter.com/brumguvnor, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:26, Reply)

GingerPenguin already mentioned this, but...
I completely, absolutely loathe animal rights activists. I mean, they are allowed to believe what they want to, I suppose, and not eat meat or whatever, and if they just minded their own business it would be all right.

But NO they have to go around making ridiculous, fraudulent claims about what so-and-so is doing to their research animals that has absolutely no basis in fact. They go around with all this stereotypical false information about scientific research in general and simply cannot be arsed to even look into the facts about what they acting like cunts about.

The worst bit is when they threaten the lives of scientists. Doesn't that seem a little bit hypocritical to you? Doesn't the message seem to be "We're very against harming a single hair of any animal, but we don't give a flying fuck about human life?"

God, it makes me sick.

...


Whew! I feel much better now.
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Fri 2 May 2008, 22:26, 1 reply)

dear china
bear with me I'm going somewhere with this.

1. take a white rectangle

2. draw a red cross on it

this is the English flag. It is instantly recognizable as such. It may seem useful in your shanghai flag factory to write england on it, but in its country of sale it is completely fucking superfluous.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:19, Reply)

The National Speed Limit
In the UK, we have a thing called the National Speed Limit. The road sign is a white circle with a diagonal black line through it. It means that on single carriage roads cars and motorcycles can drive at 60 MPH, on dual carriageways, you can drive at 70 MPH.

Why is it that three quarters of road users in the UK don’t seem to fucking know this? I’m not asking people to take risks and I’m not talking about winding roads or bad weather. But, when it’s a clear day and the road is straight for a long distance fucking well got at the speed you’re meant to! Few people seem to know that it’s also against the law to drive too slowly. Yea, I’m talking to you farmers with slow lumbering tractors towing three tones of hay. For the love of some fucking deity, stop and let some of the three-mile tailback pass you!

I know this rant makes me sound like some speed freak but I’m not, I drive a 10-year-old Accord for fuck sake, the things got the handling of a boat and a turning circle about as large as an articulated lorry.

Politicians. Not any in particular, all of them. They come up with a manifesto, people like it and vote for them. The shitty bit seems to be actually delivering it. Even offering an explanation as to why they could not deliver is covered the most huge amount of bollocks ever created. I see running the country as one of the most important jobs you could have. The people in power and their underlings seem to have cast iron jobs. If it were a business, those who fuck up get sacked, not so in government. I have less respect for politicians than I do teachers and believe me, that saying something.
(shadders, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:13, 2 replies)

brit flicks.
Most movies are made on the assumption that the only people stupid enough to go and see them are 14/15 year old boys.

Thats why 95% of films are either

A group of spoilt, self absorbed high school losers, are Inexplicably not drowning in fanny. To rectify this they commandeer someones house for a party, invite over some mostly silicone strippers and ply them with a mixture of rohipnol and mad dog 20/20.

or

A maverick police Sargent, tried of being held back by habius corpus/burden of proof/ the geniva convention, takes on the criminal underworld by leveling LA by blowing up strategically placed petrol tankers. before taking on the survivors armed with a AK-47 and a half brick

as a vast amount of the population point-blank refuses to pay to view a 90 minute (to the exact second, the average person being a ADD speed freak apparently) for a inane CGI titsfest. The downside to this is that anything seems like a masterpiece in comparison. This can only be the explanation for brit-flicks.

What the cunting fuck is wrong with British cinema? Its like just when we had put all the 'oo er missus' behind us and began to move forward, an unwritten covenant was passed making all UK cinema about unconvincing mockney gangsters.


lets compare the world of British cinema to the school playground. Lock stock and two smoking barrels is the older kid who seems to spend all day hanging around the gates in a leather jacket smoking. All the twatish younger kids decide that this makes him cooler than a thermos full of liquid helium on Uranus. As a result they all walk around with puffed up teenage machismo trying to look and act like LS&TSB making them look even more twatish. meanwhile they go and beat up any one daring to be different.

now that has been cleared up stop licking the arse of any film just because it is set in lahhhndon.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:12, 1 reply)

Toilet Paper
Or rather, people who don't replace the roll if they use the last piece. No idea why it annoys me, but it does.
One of my old housemates learned his lesson because of this peeve - when he found himself without, I posted the sheets under the door to him. One ply at a time. I'd feel worse about it if the other housemates hadn't held the door shut so he had to suffer...
(Sneezy Badger can't wait to quit his job on, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:12, Reply)

whinging poms
seriously, they could fill 15 pages of moaning and bitching and still have more
(akcarlos, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:09, 9 replies)

Rude fucks
I fucking despise people with no manners. It makes me feel so fucking angry i want to spit blood and spill theirs.

Whether it's saying please, thank you, holding a door, smiling or acknowledging another person if they have moved out of the way for you to pass, not putting feet on seats, eating with mouths closed, covering mouth when coughing/yawning/burping. These are all things that we, as a general rule of thumb, appreciate that are good manners.

These fucking vicious, feral scum buckets that have no manners, have no redeeming qualities in my eyes.

Many thanks
x
(Eeevil You are losers, Fri 2 May 2008, 22:04, 1 reply)

anne widdecombe
nuff said
(snowboardrob, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:59, 1 reply)

coffee
Its too early for me. I am queuing for coffee, I want it black and strong to wake me up.

I want a coffee not fucking long wait. "ooh I want a double decaf mocca-chocca-lotta-poncachino with cream on top. do you have change fr a fifty?"

fuck you, fuck you, you time wasting turds. Thats not a coffee its a milkshake/slush puppy, and if I'm not mistaken you want the sweetshop you immature cunt. thats right the sweetshop, its just down the road. the coffee shop is for grownups.

Every morning I go to get a coffee, and get served by the same lady. every time I say 'black no sugar please' and proffer exact change her face lights up.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:56, 6 replies)

Melee mouthed city workers...
who when ordering in a coffee shop ask.."can I get a double whippy 2 shot moccha latte` "or some other pretentious wank.......No you fucking idiot ,where do you think you are in an episode of friends?

The waitress/waiter does the getting you do the receiving .

Oh and Red Ken grinds my gears too.
( bane, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:48, Reply)

People who say
See you next Tuesday instead of CUNT
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:48, Reply)

Statements of the Blindingly Obvious ...
.
This is something else which really gets my goat (nod to al & Bert).

I deal with "internal customers" a lot at work and it can be months before we actually meet in person. I've lost count of the times someone has introduced themselves and then commented, "Oh you're really quite small, aren't you?" As if I hadn't noticed. There I was, smugly thinking of myself as a paler version of Naomi Campbell (but with a better nature) until they pointed out that I am in fact on the short side.

Or a colleague meets me outside of work with my kids and says, "Aren't they getting big?" No, I thought I was shrinking. Of course they're getting big, it's what kids do.

As my old granny used to say, "If you can't say something sensible, shut the fuck up."*



*May not be 100% true
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 2 May 2008, 21:38, 4 replies)

More on science reporting
Any newspaper article which claims something increases your risk of something by an outrageous percentage, but then neglects to point out that in terms of, say, deaths per thousand might mean an increase of 0.05 to 0.1. That really, really annoys the tits off me.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:30, 4 replies)

I may possibly share a similar rage to Rakky
LACK OF UNITS!!!!!!!!!!
I spend a fair amount of my life reporting stuff to the government. I need information from various sectors of my (rather big & complicated) organisation. I don't know the ins & outs of the individual bits of information which go together to make this portfolio of information that I have to submit, and I make this ABUNDANTLY clear when I'm asking for this information to be sent to me. However, there are certain people who assume that I know a) what order of magnitude they are referring to and b) what units I'm reporting in. Makes life awfully difficult and has always been a bugbear of mine since school. "Elephants and mice, dear Whodathunkit" I remember one science tutor chastising me. Oh, that and getting the SI units wrong on documents that are being sent around the company. I had to tell a more senior member of staff the difference between m & M recently. The turd wouldn't believe me until I extracted the relevant pages of Wikipedia. Despite the fact I have a relevant degree (i.e. a scientific one) & he has a degree in farming or something (pls don't flame me for being farming-ist - I'm him-ist). Grr
Now I'm getting mad. I may have to post the litany of crappness I've had to endure with said individual during the 8 years I've had to work with him. Aah, ok, he may well be my pet peeve.
( Whodathunkit, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:24, 1 reply)

'efficiencies'
I've worked at the same company for 10+ years.

I've made some brilliant friends, met some brilliant people and have seen my colleagues do some outstanding stuff which has caused real change in our communities; really changed lives. More than Cilla and Esther combined x 1000

I really love the buzz of what we newspaper folk do - especially now cheap sensationalism and celebrity seem to be the staple of the nationals.

We're the last homely place in the fourth estate with what I'd class as traditional journalistic integrity and proper grass roots in the garden. Forgive me for not extending the analogy to include the picket fences but I've also had long beery, leery nights out with these people so they don't quite qualify for the all american wholesome cliche.

I'm also fortunate enough to now hold a pretty good senior position in the place. Having worked myself right from the shittiest position in our shittiest paper I've arrived where I have because I always wanted to be a newspaper person. I just love what we do.

We're the last bastions of 'right to voice' in our towns - no political of commercial affiliation here - we're the place people can go to. From publishing a local WI meet to lobbying for speed cameras, hospital funding etc which can change and save lives as we have that voice of authority and credibility.

However I'm also enough of a realist to appreciate that all of this doesn't happen on fresh air. Sure, we have to make money.

So, this is my pet peeve.

The past few years we have made near record profits.

Each year the budget has gone up based upon a digit / double digit increase on the previous one. It never goes backwards, nor below the anticipated level of inflation. Technological innovation has also allowed us to make more of our resources and given us flexibility to do more.

Fundamentally, and obviously, our bosses are promising their bosses who promise the shareholders that we can make them more money.

Now, things aren't so rosey. Credit crunch and that. We aren't quite keeping up with the pace of the yearly growth that our bosees promised their bosses that then was promised to the shareholders. So we have to cut staff to keep their pockets warm.

Fair enough if technology can replace people as it always has done but we're replacing people with nothing. Fuck all. Less people have to deal with more people, more stress, for no more pay, yet still deal with the cost of living increases and effect of subprime, petrol etc.

But it's more than that. Good journalism isn't how many stories or how many words are published - it's the story which would otherwise not have existed. It's getting underneath the skin of the community, getting the credibility to gain the confidence to get the info that will allow you to make things change. Cutting people changes that dynamic.

Lead stories rarely land on your desk in the way that they turn out, you have to dig through the coal to find the diamond; or as I often say, dig through the shit to find the sweetcorn.

Stories are the output of so much more work.

Less is just simply fucking less!!

It makes us less effective in our places and equals less relevant coverage and so the cycle begins - sales drop and so will ad revenue (oh and we do have websites for our news btw)

But at least we're efficient and we've been shown to have 'efficiencies'

Efficiency is just a phrase as to how quickly people get rich.

We just haven't made them already rich folk as richer, as quickly as promised.

I used to be a newspaper man. Length? 11 years.
(Heyzeus, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:21, Reply)

Ann Coulter and Michael Moore.
I really do believe that one is the Bizarro World version of the other- one is male and the other... well, ostensibly female; one is obese and the other is anorexic; one is rabidly conservative while the other is rabidly liberal... it's like the old Star Trek episode "The Lazarus Effect".

I keep hoping they will meet and disappear in a flash of light, leaving only a cloud of smug.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 2 May 2008, 21:19, Reply)

People who
know they have a long line behind them, but still don't get their money/credit card out until the cashier has rung up every item and then announced the total.
Oh, did you want me to pay for this stuff?? Oh, well that never happened the other 1,289,526 times that i've been to a store. I guess I better get something out to pay with.
(saragedeon, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:16, 3 replies)

people that speed up.
on purpose when your in the slow lane of the motorway. just so they can be in front of you. fucktards.
(snowboardrob, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:16, Reply)

Amy Winehouse
Pete Docherty, Kate Moss etc

Why can't someone lock these fuckers in a cellar for 24 years
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 2 May 2008, 21:13, 5 replies)