Pesky Kids!
.
There's a new breed, a new generation of geeks coming into the world and they threaten my existence. These are kids, 19, 20 year olds who have grown up with computers. They've never know a time when people didn't have their own systems and they've been tinkering since before they can walk. Because of this they're *horribly* good with computers.

I can still hold my own because of my greater experience and I'm still better when it comes to old technology (Arcnet, IPX, Token-Ring) but these kids are better with a lot of the newer shit.

Pesky kids.

Still, at least I can derive some comfort that there's a new generation of geeks out there to who I feel safe passing over the torch. A new generation who can be relied on to make the suits life difficult with their individuality. Too stubborn to bow to management and too good to sack.

Cr3 and Axai I salute you.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 5 May 2008, 4:26, 3 replies)

Tonight
Finished 5 hour Sunday shift i did as a favor
leave about one, got mugged have to walk the
fucking huge distance home and then find out i'm
out that the tin openers gone missing and i can't
even eat my all day breakfast that i've been
saving for myself.
just thought I'd share
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Mon 5 May 2008, 2:48, 4 replies)

grrrr
I hate walking in a shopping centre and getting stuck behind an old fogey couple who decide for whatever reason to just STOP in the middle of the thoroughfare for no reason. Same with people who are shopping and bump into someone they know. Wow, you have a friend. MOVE TO THE FUCKING SIDE SO WE CAN MOVE PAST.

Slow walkers also piss me off. Especially when you can't go around them because they take up twice the space of someone who walks at a normal speed. Grow some wheels or something.

Also people who have bad body odour, including bad breath. Surely they would know that they smell like a freshly lain dog shit.. how fucking hard is it to wash yourself with soap in a shower? What about a toothbrush? Ever heard of one? These items are not expensive. If you can't afford them let me know and I'll fucking buy you them and teach you how to use them adequately.

The thing that shits me the most are smokers - who before getting on the train/bus insist on having a fag. Then they get on the sardine tin with wheels, breathe with their mouth open, reeking of tobacco leavings. Spray yourself with something to mask the stench - believe it or not most people don't actually like the smell of cigarette. They are the same ones who like windows opened in winter to "get some fresh air" or go outside "to get some fresh air" who actually just go and light up and pollute themselves with toxic fumes.

This leads me to the conclusion that all smokers deserve to get cancer and die. They are societies cancer.
(brotagaia, Mon 5 May 2008, 2:35, 2 replies)

Voting in Eurovision
I love the Eurovision Song Contest.

I don't fucking care what anyone thinks, it's full of good music, mixed in with a load of crap "this was popular last year, let's do it again" bullshit. I own the past several years on CD, and listen to them more than any other albums I own.

But the voting system pisses me off. Because it's sickeningly disproportionate. And it should be fucking proportionate!

Malta
Population: 402,000 (smaller than Bristol)
Number of points to dole out: 58*
That's 14.43 points per 100,000 people

Germany
Population: 82 million
Number of points to dole out: 58*
That's 0.07 points per 100,000 people

So, the opinion of a Maltese person is worth more than 20 times the opinion of a German person.

And then there's all these Eastern European countries. They keep fucking winning. You know why? It's because they're fucking cheating! It all used to be one country, and now they're just fucking splitting themselves into small and smaller microstates, getting 58 points EACH to dole out. Fucking Kosovo's going to get 58 points. Kosovo, with a population of about 8 humans, 3 cows and a rusty Volkswagen they bought in 1992. It needs to be sorted, or it'll start to hurt politically. Montenegro split from Serbia in an argument that started off in the Eurovision selection process. And got 58 fucking points in the process.

The answer is, of course, for every part of the UK to declare itself independent, so we can enter 600 times, vote for each other, and then it'll end up somewhere on this island (or in Nothern Ireland), and we can all go and watch it.

OR, we could weight votes out fairly.

But I prefer the idea of voting for the People's Republic of West Mercia.

And trying to hear them pronounce those silly Welsh names in French.


*58 = 12 + 10 + 8 + 7 + 6 + 5 + 4 + 3 + 2 + 1
( Thinker, Mon 5 May 2008, 2:26, 2 replies)

My peeve



The fact people now feel renting a Limo is cool.

Viz had it right when they started calling them Proles-Royces
(kickstandrich last had sex with your mum/sister/wife/daughter on, Mon 5 May 2008, 2:08, 4 replies)

Premium-Rate Text Services for Fuckwits
Has anyone else seen that advert which pollutes the ropier channels on the 'digibox'? A female Irish voiceover tells us to sign up to the 'Perfect Partner' text service. For something like £5, they will text you the initial of your future husband. Every week. Yes, people are apparently now willing to pay actual money in return for A SINGLE LETTER to be sent to their mobile phone. Every week. Chances are, these same people have the right to vote in an actual election too.

Actually, there's a worse one than that. For women who are 'with child', there's another service available. For £1.50, they'll text you the gender of your child.

Christing Arse.
(costas, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:56, Reply)

Parkour
Am i the only one who thinks this is a bit shit?
All it is is people jumping over things Doing twists and flips and thinking it's "creative"
( Chilli Heatwave ,shit, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:53, 1 reply)

What do you MEAN you don't drive?!
If you've ever expressed shock that someone doesn't drive just because they're of a legal age to then- incredulous fuckrags, listen here.

I am 23. I do not drive. I walk everywhere or get the bus part of the way if time and distance dictate. Sometimes I'll cadge a lift if someone is going my way anyway. For my bus ticket I pay about sixty quid a month and that gets me most places I ever need to go. Anything else dealt with ad-hoc, but rarely.

CONSEQUENTLY I pay neither:

MOT fees
Petrol/Diesel costs
Road Tax
Car Tax
Insurance
Upkeep of sodding car
RAC or similar

I don't have to really pay much attention when on the bus, I can read, listen to music, knit if I so bastard well please. I can have a little sleepy.


....now who's the mug?


/rant over, length and width not really a problem due to being ladytype.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:40, 22 replies)

Oh, I'm hopeless at....
maths. Announced to all within earshot in a laughingly dismissive manner. Well, you should be fucking cringingly embarrased by that admission if it means you can't do a bit of simple bloody arithmetic. Would you admit that you couldn't read, with such beaming pride? No one expects you to be doing path integrals in your head or proving that all the zeros are on the critical line. Adding up the price of items on a shopping list or dividing a restaurant bill shouldn't be beyond you though. Fucking twats.

Oh, and students who don't do a stroke of academic work. Yes, I will give you a shit mark. Unhesitatingly. I've done it before and I'll do it again. Try me.

How have stupidity, ignorance and rampant underachievement become so celebrated?
(Dr. Scambolic, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:28, 3 replies)

People honking their car horn in anger...
A pet peeve and a confusion of mine - Drivers who honk at people in anger.

Why I'm confused – because I don't know what the honker expects to happen in those situations. It's pointless, but the driver obviously thinks that they are administering some sort of punishment on whoever they are directing it toward I guess.

Mind you – I'm not saying that bad drivers should be left alone and not abused – but a honk is pathetic.

It's the kind of distanced, dish-out of punishment where, the honker can remain anonymous, show a fit of fleeting anger, and fuck off as quickly as they came.

Someone driving down the road real slow, and holding up traffic behind them would probably receive a honk in say, 10 seconds of holding someone up, perhaps in an effort to hurry them along.

In the shops, I'd doubt if someone was taking their time to get through the cash register, the people would yell "for FUCKS sake, you FUCKING RETARD hurry the FUCK UP CUNT!" in the shops, perhaps in an effort to hurry them along.

Kinda like the anonymous freedom the Internet gives people, to abuse the shit out of others from the safety of their own home.

Like the guy who honks at someone while driving past:
Does whatever happened really put you out that much?
I'm gonna teach that guy a lesson and …….. honkity honky honk.

"oooohhhh shit he HONKED at me. Fuck – that's gonna take a while to get over"

I drive in a pretty relaxed way sometimes -
I don't indicate if noone's around.
I drive in the middle of the road a lot.
Even if people are around I don't indicate.
I've even driven 50 k/ph in all the way out to Elizabeth just for the fuck of it.
Sometimes, if someone looks like they're in a hurry behind me, I'll drive really slow, and speed up accordingly. Hopefully it was you.

Yeh – I get honked when I do shit like that. I don't care for it much, because I know I'm doing it, and I'm glad it's giving you the shits.

There have been times where I've nearly been smashed into 'cos of dickheads not being aware of what's going on around them – i.e. pulling out infront of me, changing lanes without looking, doing right turns from left lanes etc. I'm too busy trying to avoid these dicks to bother honking.

A friend I was with at such a time got so mad
"DID YOU SEE THAT!! HONK!! FUCK - - HONK AT THEM! WHY DIDN'T YOU HONK AT THEM??!! FUCK ME HONK, fuck – they're gone now. Why didn't you honk?"

I don't really care.
And I'll be fucked if it gets me that angry.

If I wanna get angry at dickheads I'll do it here from the safety of the internet...
(phantomjack Tue 20 Mar, 3:18, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:20, 3 replies)

It's not that hard
to close your fucking mouth when you eat.
I have no shame when it comes to my pet peeve and I will go as far (and probably further)as to make a complete scene of it to highlight how disgusting it is.
The radio in the dining room broke last week and I've had to eat my meals on my own because my mother's eating habits resemble that of a cow.
(genesis, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:18, 3 replies)

People telling when to smile....
If I'm just sitting somewhere, minding my own business,

For fuck's sake DON'T say to me "SMILE!" and grin, expecting me to do the same.

Seriously. If I was in high spirits, I would be smiling. Do you want me to force a fake smile, which will disappear as quickly as it came? For fucks sake – that won't work.

"Frowning uses 43 muscles, and smiling only uses 14! So smile! Its easier!"

That's probably why your'e so fat, you lazy bint.

giving you the highway salute uses 3 muscles, so how bout I use that?

I probably wasn't grumpy in the first place, but saying "SMILE! Turn your frown upside-down!!!"

Has the opposite effect!

Makes me feel like smiling is the last thing I want to answer your greeting with!

Piss off! : )
(phantomjack Tue 20 Mar, 3:18, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:17, 2 replies)

Him:

(Cuthbert Annihilator, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:14, 6 replies)

late night sex line ads
I have Sky One on at this hour, because they've just finished showing Goodfellas, which I haven't seen in years. (Even better than I remembered.)

So they show these commercials for adult phone lines, with euphemisms such as "chat", or "flirt", or "speed date", but we all know what they are: sex lines. At least, I assume that's what you get for what they're charging per minute.

What pisses me off is the implication that any male not in bed by midnight is some sad wanker who needs to PAY through the nose for the privilege of talking to a woman. What depresses me is that these adverts are increasing in frequency, which suggests that they are working. Men: have you no self-respect?
( bnt what, me worry?, Mon 5 May 2008, 1:01, 1 reply)

Sitting Here at Work
...being constantly reminded of one of my pet peeves.

LOUD TYPERS. People who feel the need to bang the shit out of their keyboards. These are modern day computer keyboards, NOT typewriters from the 1920s. It is not necessary to bang the keyboards like a monkey with downs syndrome to simply hit F-Key commands in our systems. God forbid they have to type out notes or an email, it's like a small earthquake with aftershocks that can be felt 4 cubicles away.

For fuuuccckkss sake.
(StupidAmericanTourist, Mon 5 May 2008, 0:58, Reply)

50% chance of rain.
I.e we havn't got a smegging clue. But will quote some mathematics for the gormless.
(Miggyman, Mon 5 May 2008, 0:39, Reply)

Novel
I could write a novel on my pet peeves. Perhaps I'm a bitter person. But they irritate me none the less.
Here are just a few.

Spelling and grammar mistakes: It's/its, you're/your, (fairly self-explanatory I feel), should/could of instead of have, wierd instead of weird, different to instead of different from. How hard is it to look these things up in a dictionary? There's no excuse for making those mistakes. It just makes you look like an arse.

Misuse of the word irony. Irony means a different outcome to what was previously expected, normally at the expense of the person who expected such an outcome. People who hear the Alanis Morrissette song and think they know what irony is make me laugh. How is getting a black fly in your Chardonnay ironic? Annoying, yes. Ironic, no.

People using their mobile phones on public transport, in particular when playing loud chavvy speed-garage or bragging about the night before. No-one wants to hear about how many disease-ridden and desperate women you slept with, or how much tequila you had before throwing up in a shop doorway. And don't start singing crappy 'choons' down the phone to your mates either.

The Daily Mail. I know I'm not alone here, but every article they publish is littered with hyperbole, as well as strong 'Nationalistic' sentiments. Anyone who wants a laugh at their expense should check out the Daily Mail random headline generator. I don't have a link, but google it.

Adverts for stupid placebo yoghurts designed to help 'digestive discomfort'. Just fucking fart! Or eat some dried apricots if you're that desperate. The women all look really gormless too. Other adverts that irritate me are shampoo adverts, furniture store adverts, and adverts for products easing constipation/diarrhoea. Especially the last one. If you have diarrhoea, see a doctor for crying out loud! And it just puts me off whatever I might have eaten. None of these adverts have anything like a sense of humour.

Women with beards. Shave your chin! Or pluck it, or something. I have to shave every day, so should you.

Protesters who hold up placards saying 'death to freedom of speech'. Just plain stupid.

Terrorists. I hate every one of them. I long for a day when no-one tries to blow stuff up, or commit mass acts of murder, just because the victims have somehow unwittingly fallen foul of whatever archaic religious code you happen to believe in. And they all look so ugly. It must be the evil that corrupts their faces.

4x4s. Quite a common complaint, but unless you live on a farm, you don't need it. And the people who drive them are such arses. Really arrogant, inconsiderate pricks. Think they own the road.

Newspeak. Information cascades, thought showers, any politically correct language. What was wrong with the last set of vocab? Ok, I'm not the sort to complain about not being able to use the 'N' word, but 'urban refuse collective' in place of dustman? Come on.

Cheese graters. There's something about the little holes. Makes my hair stand on end.

People not indicating when they turn a corner in their cars. The number of times I've nearly been flattened is unbelievable.

Most teenagers. Ever since I've stopped being one, I seem to have developed a distaste for teenage fashions, clubs frequented by teenagers, 'scene' magazines and music, and shows like Hollyoaks aimed at teenagers. Maybe I'm getting old and wizened, but I'm only 23.

I think I should leave it there, but I will post occasional ones, should they so crop up.

Length? Don't get me started...
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Mon 5 May 2008, 0:06, 4 replies)

homage to davros - commercial radio YES!
aaaaaaand, welcome back and! thats a big radio shiteFM big up to all you saddo's in the excpetionally local vicinity... we're gonna play a big top-tastic shiteFM tune now for 'mad shaz' and all her totally MAD mates from somerfield at (FULL FUCKING POSTAL ADDRESS) well alright...

girls aloud.... etc etc....

just get cancer and die - just die you cunts. DIE

I'd listen to moyles for a fucking eternity over some non-entity cunts post code and blood group being read out 'LIVE ON AIR'


just fuck off
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 5 May 2008, 0:01, 2 replies)

As much as I'm sure the Calabrians in general are lovely people
I really wish the name of their branch of the Mafia wasn't a word I always, despite having to type it several hundred times in the 6000 word dissertation I'm writing for uni, misspell at least twice despite knowing full well how to spell the damn word. Why can they not be called The Calabrese Mafia instead?
( Maladicta, Sun 4 May 2008, 23:54, 5 replies)

Hi I'm Nadine Baggot
celebrity beauty editor

and by that I mean I was such a fucking shit journalist I couldn't even make shit up for the Daily Mail

I do look like mutton dressed as lamb but maybe not as bad as some of the council estate freaks that you people associate with, so some of you sad ladies out there may think that this over-priced horseshit I'm peddling as a beauty treatment may actually work

cock off
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Sun 4 May 2008, 23:45, 2 replies)

why..
does alcohol come with hangovers...that really "grinds my gears"
(Foulkesy123 The one and only..., Sun 4 May 2008, 23:32, Reply)

Some of my peeves...
Benefit leechers/fraudsters.
4x4 drivers (agricultral & business users that really need them are excluded).
Smokers, especially ones that hang around out the front of pubs, bars, shops etc, belching their fouls stench across the doorway.
Loud eaters.
People that sand really close to you when they want to talk to you, and when you take a step back to get some room, they step closer...grr.
Drivers that don't use indicators.
Drivers that can't park or drive, use mobiles when driving, flick fag butts out the window.
( JJ, Sun 4 May 2008, 23:13, 2 replies)

New breed of chav
I, personally, found a new breed of chav recently. It was, to quote Simon Cowell, "the worst thing I've seen in ages." So I'm on the High Street, with some boys and girls from my college, all good lads, all nice girls, barr one or two who are a bit rough, when I turn to see a full-on chav dancing with a girl I know. He looked like he had never showered, had a skinhead, was wearing a black trackie, and had that bad scally look. I laughed a little bit.

Then later I was told by the afore-mentioned girl that he was not, in fact, a chav. No. No, not at all. He was not a chav because he studies drama at LIPA and is bisexual.

First of all, wierdest fucking thing ever. Second of all, when trying to pull, who tells a girl that they also like to suck on a greasy penis?

Uber-drama-chavs do. Yeah
(Purple Jessop Jessoping Purple all over your father, Sun 4 May 2008, 22:54, 3 replies)

2 just today
that now I think about it, really wind me up something rotten. First of all, those fresh bakery rolls, it doesn't seem to matter which end I try and open the little bastards, they never seem to open. You apply massive amounts of energy to get them open and one of two things happens, it opens with the force you'd expect when you're ripping it apart, sending the rolls flying to the floor, already partially squashed because the bastards don't make the bag big enough NOT to squash them when trying to get it open...or it just refuses to open, so you try the other end, and it opens so easily you wonder if it is some sort of intelligent, but spiteful plastic bag that knows it's irritating but finds it really funny. Why is it whatever end I choose, it's the wrong bloody end?

Secondly, wankers in cars behind me when i'm reversing. OK so I have a car with a reversing camera, it's really helpful for getting really close to the car behind, giving you maximum space to get out of a spot...but you can't even get within a foot of them if they're in their sodding car at the time without a toot on the horn. 'YES I BLOODY KNOW YOU'RE THERE I'VE GOT A FUCKING CAMERA!' Honestly can't they wait until I've actually touched their precious car before they start getting arsey about it? Maybe I should turn it into some sort of game 'How close can you go before someone can't resist the urge to toot?' Bastards. Anyway, that is all for now, so many things annoy me these days, I don't know if I should write any more though, I'm angrier now than when I started, I might give myself a heart attack if I start talking about proper roundabout usage. Cunts.
(alpha2omega, Sun 4 May 2008, 22:54, 8 replies)