Car Crash Moment
Ever find yourself heading for a fall? but you push the button anyway?

Well that was my HoN moment last night.

But look, I got a 5.6.. Is this normal? Are the people that rated me normal? Who cares "5.6"

No longer can Mrs Matter use my picture on the mantelpiece as a way of keeping the children away from the fire......

I might do some work today now....

But then again, maybe not.......

And no I have "never" used the interweb dating or the personals, I just know it would annoy the wife and that is not a button I want to press..... (the annoy wife button).....

Oh noooo.........

Arf .
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 8:21, Reply)

Meanwhile, back at the QOTW...
Whoa. The QOTW seems to have moved on somewhat. So I'm going to be all daring and post what I was going to post anyway. Which is that the world seems to have done much worse for me than the Intertubes. I met the lovely Mrs. God on a web dating site. She described herself as looking like a princess. Specifically, Princess Fiona from Shrek 2. Now, of course, I'd always admired Princess Fiona, so I thought we could meet. And so we did, almost two and a half years ago. I proposed on Talk Like A Pirate day last year, she accepted, and we're now together. And I'm not posting a hotornot photo, as I look more like the donkey from Shrek 2. No cock shots happened during the nurturing of our romance, although there was quite a lot of naughty conversation, much of which is archived on her computer. Some details have been posted on b3ta, of course.

The parade of nutters, lunatics, and the frankly hideous, I met in real life. So, and not because she namechecked me, follow acrenne's advice. It's about getting out, meeting some people, and seeing what happens next. But Internet dating does work (as long as you avoid the basic mistake of going out with an Internet).
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 7:00, Reply)

I was cruelly used
Then a long standing member* of UDATE I met a fair few nice, genuine people and avoided dozens of scary ones.

I was sent some pretty saucy pics from a minxy vixen.I refused to meet her fearing that; a: she was a "lady of negotiable affection" or b: the pics weren't of her at all.

Another girl asked me out to dinner and due to distance offered me her sofa to sleep on. She was very attractive, much more so than her picture suggested. During dinner and after much wine, she announced that I could share her bed which pleased me no end. A night of passion followed, featuring no sleep and me staggering naked into a London street to dig around in my car for more latex consumables.
In the morning we sat and cuddled, munching toast and watching Sunday TV.I felt very pleased with myself indeed.

That was the last time I saw her. And that's how I was cruelly used for sexual purposes.

Yes it did occur to me that I was a crap shag.

*Steady now.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 6:49, Reply)

I'm sick sick sick
My secret little pleasure is reading the personal ads in the local monthly and deciding which one I'd call if my husband died.


Seriously.


Edit: I WANT LEGLESS! erm, his pic anyway.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 4:59, Reply)

HoN
5.1!!!

I'm NORMAL LOOKING!! Wooo hooo!!!

This is more than I could ever have dreamed of.
Perhaps I won some of you over with my square masculine jaw line. Also, perhaps I made the right choice in choosing a photo where people couldn't see the large chunk missing from my ear where a dog bit it (God, I'm like the third Mitchell brother!!)

I'm tempted to post my Mrs on there just to confirm my fears that I'm punching above my weight. But she would disembowel me, so I'm not going to :D
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 4:38, Reply)

ok
maybe im being dumb as i do have my moments but is there an option to look at the losers (lol) that didnt make it into the top ten? ........well im off to go and vote everyone a 10 you sexy sexy people :)
(meh! bored since, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 4:18, Reply)

With all this HoN stuff
It makes me wonder why so many b3tans mention being single. Where are we going wrong (should we not want to be single)?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 18 Sep 2007, 2:25, Reply)

Ok, I gave in and joined the great B3ta Beauty Race...
..Currently 130th *sob*

I'd always quite liked the anonymity that comes from posting on B3ta, knowing that I can share my most humiliating stories with the world without people knowing it was me is incredibly liberating.
However, I felt left out and decided to join my fellow B3tards on Hot or Not.
Now you can all see my mug I'm going to have to seriously reconsider the honesty of my posts!

Anyhooo.. back to the initial QOTW (if anyone can actually remember the subject at hand..)

I personally have never tried "Internet Dating" as such. I do however, use several "social networking" sites and I have to say attract some of the most bizarre individuals in existance.

Now, in all honesty this is probably partly my fault for accidentally portraying myself as some kind of wanton sex fiend, but after a while the continuous torrent of messages saying "Alrite sexi u got msn n cam???!!!1!" starts to get a little bit tedious...

A few months back I recieved a random message from a guy I didn't know, nothing sinister, pretty textbook "Hi how you doin?" type stuff. No alarm bells ringing at this point, so as it was late at night and I was bored I thought I could at least honour him with some polite conversation.

It didn't take more than a few messages to realise that this guy was not only illiterate, but a complete bore.
Not only this but within seconds he'd left comments on at least 90% of my pictures and refused to stop calling me "Babe"

Now rather than be nasty I figured I'd just try and casually stop replying to his messages, he'll eventually get the hint and leave me alone right?
Wrong!
Initially, if I didn't respond to his message straight away he'd send another one... and another one... and another one...
When I stopped replying altogether he still didn't seem to understand and still the steady stream of messages continued.

Meanwhile, I was having an online conversation with the (then) object of my affections... through the same site.
During said conversation I happened to drop a hint to my fella that I was getting annoyed with stalker-boy's antics, we had a wee giggle about it and he suggested sending a polite message, explaining that I was his girlfriend, and he'd really prefer that stalker-boy didn't message me so much. I didn't think this was particularly unreasonable so the message was sent...

Fast forward 5 minutes and my fella suddenly becomes the target for the most incomprehensibly threatening emails I've ever tried to decipher.
I think somewhere along the lines he was trying to convey that he does "weights", as if this alone was going to scare us both.

Not entirely satisfied he'd done enough stalking, he'd then apparently gone onto my fella's profile page,and somehow deciphered the coded chat where I joked about having a stalker.

This appeared to be the final straw for stalker-boy, for it was then that he announced that he just happened to be flanked by his 2 best friends, who just happened to be 2 lawyers (yah for this was around 2am, likely story pal) and in his own words he would "get sumin done bout this legal"

I almost laughed my way to a hernia.

I doubt I have the need to worry about him seeing this post at any point, from what I gather the cBeebies website is about as big a literary challenge as this man can manage.
(Peek_a_Boo forgot how fun B3ta was until, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 2:19, Reply)

You love the length
Ok, I'll bite

About 3 years ago, I'd just split up from a girl that I'd been seeing for the last 5 years

Ended up going on one of the more well known websites for a laugh, and got chatting to this girl... Spoke to her on MSN a couple of times and she wanted to meet almost immediately, which sort of set the alarm bells off.

Couple of my mates persuaded me to ask her over to the house, it was a big house with loads of mates so the chances of being dry bummed to death and then burnt in the bathtub were low.

Met up with her and brought her back to the house, had some extremely uncomfortable conversation and then headed off to the local

Ended up that she know everyone in there, so I was sat on my arse on my own for 3 hours while she chatted to everyone else... We got in slightly pissed, and then bizarrely started to watch bad boys 2 with a mate on his PC...

We got chatting quite a bit, decided I thought she was alright, when I noticed shitloads of scars on her arm, she then proceeded to tell me about the cocktail of drugs she was on, her dodgy mates and all sorts of shit she'd been up to...

At this point I decided to abandon all hope and just hope she left without drama, we had a party the next day and my ex missus would be there, so I wouldn't be too happy if she turned up.

She turned up.

Forced me to let her in as she had twatted the hell out of her ex boyfriends mum in the middle of the street and the police were looking for her... Racked up a huge bill on our phone, and then fell asleep for the night on the sofa and was gone by the time we woke up in the morning

Never spoke to her again after that.

Pretty crap story, but it's true, and at least I didn't get bummed.
(WittyUsernameHere, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 1:11, Reply)

Haha
I hate putting pics of me online, that's why you're all getting the one of me on my bike instead.

T
(WittyUsernameHere, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 0:56, Reply)

Match.com
Joined. Found love. Got dumped horribly. Broken heart.

6 month guarunteed match or get another six months free. Claim free six months. Only contact by weirdos and men old enough to have sired me. Cancel subscription. Die old maid.

Sigh.


I almost had some length on the weekend. But not quite.
(Just a girl., Tue 18 Sep 2007, 0:39, Reply)

i can understand
all the middling votes. but why do i have so many 1s and so many 10s when realistically i am neither?! not that i am not coming in my pants with excitement at getting any 10s at all.

it's a good job it doesn't tell you who voted you what. can you imagine the carnage?

meanwhile, back on topic, if i am really bored on the tube i will read the adverts in the paper. it never ceases to amaze me what some people will try to sell. but at the weekend i saw one that really really made me laugh...

FOR SALE

Two beautiful pink bridesmaids, dresses and shoes.

ha ha ha.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 18 Sep 2007, 0:38, Reply)

Don't feel bad...
I got a few 1s and 2s as well. Mostly I seem to be a 6, although there have been a few nicer votes that have put my average at an 8.

As an engineer/geek I'm very curious as to how they calculate the average- if it's a straightforward add-it-up-and-divide method, I should be a lot lower than that...

Oh- and, errr, yeah, I met a woman through Hot or Not who immediately had me doing pornographic things to her. (Just to keep things on topic...)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 18 Sep 2007, 0:23, Reply)

A 1 or a 2?!
Surely NOT! I mean, I am not vain, but I think, at times that I MAY cut a relatively dashing image.

But surely not a 1 or a 2!

Perhaps they had the whole 1-10 scale thingy inverted?
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 23:46, Reply)

Just out of interest...
Why do ugly people go on hot or not? Do they not know?...
( PMGT -Bacon., Mon 17 Sep 2007, 23:45, Reply)

My personal views on the whole dating thing
I'm 17.

How on earth have I just managed to put my picture on hotornot then? Well, with the kind of masterful ingenuity that accompanies the reasoning that four months is as near as dammit.

Anyway, aside from my visage now adorning the net for your ocular delection, I had a point. That being, I'm surprised how many people my age have/desperately seem to need other halves. I'm single and, frankly, loving it, not because it means I'm currently engaged in an orgy of one night stands with a cavalcade of attractive women (when your topics of conversation generally consist of the Riemann hypothesis, the lydian chromatic concept of tonal organisation and 'don't you think Mohammed Asif bowled a great spell against India the other day?' and various other things along those lines, talking to girls becomes quite difficult. I'm sure there are jazz maths and cricket loving girls out there, I just haven't met any of them. Anyway, I'm not really complaining (rambling yes, complaining no), as is my point), but because from what I've seen from my paired-off friends, it basically seems to be nothing short of slavery. Some of them can't piss without getting a text from their better-halves whinging about how they should be together. This is all very well and good when you're looking to settle down, and so forth, but some people my age don't even have body hair yet. I'd much rather watch the cricket with a beer of an evening than have to drive any hypothetical girlfriend to some ghastly club. It's all very silly in my opinion. People take it much too seriously. Especially youths. In fact this isn't aimed at you lot. Mostly people I know. You get to read it, though, anyway, you lucky people.

Anyway, to add some sort of relevance to this post, a girl added me on myspace once who I didn't know. I proceeded to wind her up a bit in a harmless, english sort of way, as you do, only for her to start telling me, at length, about how she was raped when she was 14 then got pregnant only to lose the baby. I couldn't look away. It was like a car crash. I really hope it isn't true, and she was just a nutcase, but anyway, she seemed to be suggesting that if I were to go to America (unlikely) we could get married and everything would be all right (impossible). She may well have been just a tragic soul, so I tried to let her down gently. After a few days, the messages stopped, and I breathed a hearty sigh of relief.

Then of course, there was the girl on the chatroom that an evil-minded friend of mine gave my number to, unbeknownst to me. I'm almost certain she was in fact a middle-aged man, but the less said about the whole slightly horrifying affair, the better.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 23:15, Reply)

Your scores
Hey guys,

your pictures are viewable by EVERYONE ON THE HON SITE - so Kroney, don't blame us, it was probably some chavette with a Croydon facelift whom you wouldn't want to be "loved" by anyway!
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 23:13, Reply)

On topic...ish
In order to answer this qotw and not of course as a shameless attempt to entice fellow b3tans to go and vote for me on HoN...here is a story about the time I tried out Speed Dating...which is pretty close to personal ads, sort of, if they were three minutes long. And embarrassing.

I was persuaded by my best friend Jo to have a crack at Speed Dating – having now been an innocent bystander twice while she took part, she thought it was time to get my hands dirty, so to speak.


So there I was looking reasonably glamorous and above all, eager, sitting at a table in the window of a bar waiting for my first victim, erm, no, date.

Jo was at the table next to me looking stunning as usual – imagine a near six foot, size 10 (UK) version of the actress Sarah Lancashire with a platinum blonde bob and that’s Jo – so she’s pretty eye catching.
Jo jokingly says to me, wouldn’t it be funny if your ex was to walk past on his way to the cash point. Ha ha I say. And then Jo went white…..he DID walk past. Twice.
Jo and I dissolved into embarrassed giggles like a pair of twelve year olds – I was mortified and wanted to climb under the table – particularly as the organiser was giving her pep talk at the time, she saw us in uncontrollable giggles and asked what was wrong, “Her ex husband has just walked past!” shouts out Jo cheerfully. Thanks.

Well it did effectively break the ice and I don’t think that Jo and I were as nervous after that, well, not nervous of our ‘dates’, I was slightly nervous that my ex would come in and ask me if I had taken leave of my senses, or worse, stand outside point at my 3 minute victim and laugh….


So, the Dates. 17 men all supposedly within the ages of 35-45, were they?
Maybe one or two was actually in his 30s, the rest were at least 45 but more likely nearer to 55 or even 65.

Most of the men seemed to be reasonably nice people, some were more charming than others, some more interesting than others. One was more mad than any other man I’ve met before….he had arrived with a mobile phone clamped to his ear and an ordnance survey map flapping out of the waistband of his trousers.
He also possessed what I think is the last pair of NHS glasses in existence which is shocking considering we were only a couple of hundreds of yards from SpecSavers.
He sat down and mumbled on about the recent earthquake that we experienced down here in Kent.
Much of what he said I couldn’t hear but I did make out his general annoyance with local government who apparently contact him every time there is a natural disaster – the earthquake, a hurricane (this happened last month according to him, I missed it myself) – they contact him, ask for his ‘expert’ knowledge (on what I have no idea) and then they don’t even offer him payment or a permanent job.
I made all the right noises and nodded encouragingly. He was clearly impressed by this and asked me if I listened to Radio Caroline….I didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s been gone for a long time, so I said I remembered it (that was a lie, I have heard of it, know some of the stories about it being the forerunner to Radio 1 and so on, but it was before my time I think).
He then went on to tell me about a Dutch radio station that operates next door to Caroline (erm…wasn’t Radio Caroline on a boat?) he gave me the frequency to tune into and then asked me what my favourite song was….
My mind went blank except for two things – James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful – no good, no good at all, it would give him all the wrong ideas!
Or alternatively someone has been attempting to convert me to Leonard Cohen – now that would send out all the right messages, so Leonard it was.
So if I tune in today I could hear a Leonard Cohen song which he would have broadcast just for me.
Afterwards I discovered this man had told at least one woman that he finds it very hard to meet women for sex. That’s a great chat up line.

Aside from him I also managed to put my foot in it with a chap who works as a Safety Officer for a Nuclear power station – “You’re Homer Simpson!” I blurted out without giving it a second thought….

I also had a rather pained conversation with an older man who told me he drove a lorry. I attempted to draw him out and ask which firm – no reply. So I asked what he carried in his lorry – he told me the firm was based in London and did contract work for the local government. Oh, says I, that sounds interesting, and then I repeat my question, What do you have in your lorry? Finally I get a reply – Household Waste Management……Yes dear reader, he was a Bin Man. Now don’t get me wrong – there is nothing at all wrong with being a Bin Man – it’s an essential job that all of us rely on each week, or every other week in some areas around here…And not a job he should be ashamed of having, but he clearly was and didn’t have a sense of humour about it.

The end of the evening saw me with a score card filled with crosses all in the Miss column – maybe some of the men were very nice, but I’d rather stay single than settle. In fact I’d go so far as to say that I’d seriously consider taking up lesbianism as a lifestyle choice if the men were truly representative of the single men out there.

Although, now having seen the selection of b3tans on HoN, I'm happy to try most of you ;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 23:04, Reply)

defeat
knocked off top spot,

stupid sexy jelly babies! :)
(Bang_the_Drums an ending fitting for the start, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 22:38, Reply)

somebody
rated me a 3. No Christmas card for *them* this year.

*looks at the qotw crowd beadily*
( Kroney, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 22:34, Reply)

Hot or Not...
Is it just me or are the top three all more or less the same person?
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 22:28, Reply)

Don't use the QOTW for private chat. That's what the 'message me' button is for. BTW: "Reply to this thread" option coming soon.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 22:14, Reply)

Enter the Mad Stripper!
Well, as it is on topic and is a somewhat bizarre story, I'll tell you about how I met the Mad Stripper.

Yes, it was through match.com about two years ago. I had put up my profile again after the Travel Agent moved out, and was trawling the waters to see what sort of nibbles I might get. What the hell, said I to myself- I had had good luck in the past with it, after all.

One of the women who contacted me was a dental hygienist who ran her own school to train dental hygienists, the divorced wife of a local (and quite successful) dentist. Her emails were nice, and when we exchanged phone numbers she sounded quite pleasant- very cheerful and bouncy, talking almost nonstop as though she had just had four shots of espresso, and rather funny. So I did what one does in those circumstances and suggested getting together for coffee.

"Coffee? Well, I guess... but I'd really rather have a drink."

Hmmmm, we got a live one here, I thought. "Sure, I'm good with that. Where would you like to meet?"

"Well, could you come and pick me up at my house?"

A bit unusual, but what the hell... "Sure. When would you like me there?"

"Just come on over." And she gives me directions to her house.

So I drove over there and found her to be in a rather large house in a new subdivision. I ring the doorbell and am greeted by a six foot woman with very long frizzy black hair, deep brown eyes and a lighthouse smile. She gave me a hug- actually, quite nice as she was wearing a tank shirt and snug shorts- and followed me to my car. She suggested a Mexican restaurant not far away and I agreed.

We had gone maybe five minutes down the road before she started telling me about how she had had a bikini wax that afternoon, and went into detail. Lots of detail.

We got to the restaurant and she ordered food and tequila. Okay, I thought, she's not driving, she's hungry, and at least she's eating while she's drinking. I got food and a beer and sat back to listen. The conversation went from dental hygienist training to her former career as a stripper, and as the tequila vanished the details came out faster. She told me all about what it was like, and how one of the most erotic experiences she ever had was when she went to another club and a young blonde gave her a lap dance and kissed her.

By now I was really trying very hard not to either laugh or scream, but I could tell it was only a matter of time. After several more rounds and a lot of animated talk, we paid the bill and I drove her home. She asked me in and I went along, mainly out of a sort of horrid fascination to see what was coming next. She poured us another couple of drinks, and the conversation again turned to stripping and how she had gotten implants to make her boobs match the rest of her proportions.

"Implants?" I repeated, a bit taken aback.

"Yeah, take a look!" And the shirt was pulled up. They popped out, unhindered by a bra. "See, they don't feel quite right, though." And she took my hands and put them on her boobs and pressed them firmly into her.

"Umm... yeah, I guess you're right..." I gasped somewhat weakly. By now my mind was thoroughly blown and my head was spinning. I finally made my excuses- I was far too flipped out by her to shag, and besides she was pretty well drunk- and stood to go. But as we stood by the door I gave in to an impulse and gave her a long, powerful kiss as I leaned back with my arms around her, lifting her slightly off the floor. (A great trick- it takes their breath away and makes them feel light, and makes it very intense.) As expected, she got extremely aroused and responded rather urgently- but I broke away and headed home before anything further could happen.

As I drove home I tried to sort out the evening, got the giggles, then gave in and screamed a few times and went belming down the road. Okay, I thought, that was the most surreal first date I've ever had. Must have been a one-off, though- she must have had a couple before I got there. I can't imagine that this is something that would happen again...

I was wrong.

I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that when she had a couple of drinks in her she became quite the handful. We went out a few times more, and on one date she had enough vodka and cranberry to be weaving a bit, and was not playing pool very well by then. She was wearing a lace shirt with a red bra- the only time I've seen her wearing one- and said something joking to a couple of guys at the bar. They laughed and joked back with her, and she leaned in and said something else- and suddenly they scattered from her as though she had turned into Beelzebub. I still don't know what she said, but it was about as close as that black dude will ever come to being white...

That was when I swore off dating.

EDIT: the end of the story, or close to it, can be found here. There have actually been a few more encounters with her since, but nothing as... noteworthy.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 17 Sep 2007, 21:43, Reply)

I haven't posted in awhile
So I'll regale you with this tale:
Having recently admitted to being bi-curious my thrilled husband got onto a adult dating (aka "let's hook up and fuck") website and wrote a note from my perspective asking for a girlfriend who would be interested in fucking us both.

Without my knowledge or permission.

On the good side he described me as being adorable (which I am) and being tired of his overwhelming, sex drive (which I am).
(Windy Shrimp "wuz heah", Mon 17 Sep 2007, 21:38, Reply)

Chickenlady is...
Lovely.

Just as one might suspect. But then, I find that MOST of the ladies on here, at least those brave enough to post their photos, are absolutely lovely!

Of course, then there is Rachelswipe...

:)

Cheers!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 21:33, Reply)

Waiting with baited breath...
to see what Chickenlady looks like. I've been absolutely shocked by some (not in a bad way, just not at all how I pictured people).

Mine's up. I'm a pirate. Yarr!
(BlackArmadillo Avoided writing that article on, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 21:19, Reply)

Oh the shame
I have been going back to HoN and giving certain b3tans tens repeatedly.

I'm up and running....
hotornot.com/r/?eid=REELOMR-BXR
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 21:15, Reply)

How exactly DOES one get one's Mug up on the b3tards site?!
How do you get yourself included with the rest of the b3tards? I've tried, but cant find a 'click to join' button.

What gives?! Am I being singled out again for being a yank?

Figures.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 21:14, Reply)

HON
Not even going to consider posting. i am a piabetic northerner with a self image problem
Why the hell should i increase the pain by sticking my mug up for view
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 17 Sep 2007, 21:04, Reply)