graphic design students
there was this girl at college. she pissed us of cos the was really twofaced. very friendly f2f, but would slag you off the minute you turned your back.

one day i found a contact sheet in the darkroom containing pretty explicit piccies of her. so a few mates and i scanned one of the more seductive ones (she really wasn't as pretty as she thought) and made a little flyer with her phone number and plastered a few phoneboxes in town. she moved.

... or at least this would have been the story, had i not given the sheet to a thick twat of a so-called friend and had he not shown it to his mental bunnyboiler g/f.

she burned it.

slag.

EDIT: I just realised that she actually sabotaged _us_ and our evil plans...
( bierbelly, Mon 9 May 2005, 14:07, Reply)

Um







































































I sabotage QOTW...

Sorry
(Limited IQ, Mon 9 May 2005, 14:05, Reply)

Gullible co-workers
dont'cha just love 'em?

Where I used to work, all the desk were back to back, so I had full access to the back of my colleagues computer. She was a great combo of up for a laugh, gullible and computer-retarded, and always going to the loo (maybe skiving?).
So occasionally I'd unplug her KB and mouse while she was off, and replace them with mine. She'd panick; "my computers crashed and I haven't saved my work!" I'd put her off for a mo, and then start moving the mouse around in circles, and she'd almost have kittens thinking it was a virus. Then I'd start typing stupid messages until she realised it was me all along. Oh the fun and jollity!!
(teasus likes tea, Mon 9 May 2005, 14:05, Reply)

Petty sabotage/practical jokes.
May you all fry in hell with Jeremy Beadle's tiny hand slapping you in the face for all eternity.
(Bob Hopelessness, Mon 9 May 2005, 13:59, Reply)

Alcohol or Weedkiller?
Haven't tried this yet, but I've had a thought about how to reduce underage drinking. Inject bottles of cheap booze with weedkiller and leave in spots known to be hangouts for drinking kiddies. Either that or substitute WKD for copper suplhate and lemonade.

Lethal petty sabotage.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Mon 9 May 2005, 13:29, Reply)

i once saw my brother cut my other brother's tie in half with a pair of scissors
Not particularly petty i admit, but he was dangling the fat bastard over the bannister by it at the time
( Ulic hissing slightly, Mon 9 May 2005, 13:28, Reply)

I was a member of the French resistance

We Blew up all their trains HaHa
(Limited IQ, Mon 9 May 2005, 13:27, Reply)

I like to
post tall stories on messageboards asking for anecdotes. It doesn't really matter what the stories are or even if they bear any resemblance to the truth as long as they are slightly funny and make me sound like a bit of a lad.

At least I know that no-one else would be so anarchistic.
( F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Mon 9 May 2005, 13:21, Reply)

Everyone here rides bikes.
Everyone leaves thier bikes outside in the rain. All bikes have vinyl-covered saddles.
Some people leave thier bikes in the WAY.

With a Toothpick, poke a Small (not-noticable) hole in the Vinyl RIGHT under thier crotch area.
It soaks up a little water.
It wets thier crotch Every time they sit down.
For more amusing effects, inject the arse area of the saddle with Lee-And-Perrins..... and pray for white trousers.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 9 May 2005, 12:40, Reply)

A couple of
Years back me and a few chums had been a marathon weekend session ending up in our quiet local on a Sunday afternoon. After a few pints one chap foolishly ended up asleep in a chair by the fire. We carefully removed both shoes then tipped the dregs of our pints all over the crutch area, we then hastily retreated outside to watch in glee as the landlord woke him 30 mins later and he had to explain why he had soiled himself. We also followed him the full 2 miles back to his house watching the locals chuckle at the "urine" soaked, shoeless drunk!

Cruel??.....Yes!
Funny??........Oh yes!
(jigglyp, Mon 9 May 2005, 12:40, Reply)

bloody Mopeds.
A guy at work used to ride a little scooter. the 50cc hunk of poo used to rasp past us all the time, and would be parked there when we finally got to work. We hated him for it.

Every now and then I used to take soft Pencil, take off the spark-plug lead, and draw a thin graphite line from top of the Spark-plug contact to the bottom of it, and then Replace spark-plug lead.

The electrickery takes the shortest route, and graphite is defineately a tempting route for high-voltage/low-ampage stuff. Does the poop-scoopter fire up at the end of the day? does it bollocks.

Ha! Try and kick-start that!! each time I did it, he could be seen on his knees takig out the spark-plug and checking it all over, and inadvertently wiping off the graphite. It'd work right after that.

He sold it last year because it "kept on fouling the spark plug"

Try it today... I suggest a really SOFT pencil.

I would like to thanks SniffPetrol dot com for thier "piss off a scooter-rider today" campaign: You inspired me.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 9 May 2005, 12:22, Reply)

Short stick genius
A friend of mine used to work as a boat builder in rural Berkshire. The owner of the business was a pompous old fart with a walking cane, panama hat and braying voice who'd waltz in every monday, swan around for about three hours generally annoying everybody there, and then bugger off for another week.

During every visit he'd disappear into the back office with the manager for an hour or so to go over the accounts, leaving his hat & cane on the desk outside. Each time, my mate would quickly take his cane, remove the rubber stopper from the bottom, then take it over to the lathe and skim a millimetre or so off the end. Pop the stopper back on the end, back on the desk, and not a word said.

You may think that somebody wouldn't notice a millimetre missing off the end of their walking stick; and indeed you would be quite correct. However, as he did this pretty much every week without fail over the next couple of years, the owner's monday visits gradually evolved into episodes of high visual comedy as his cane slowly got shorter and shorter.

He was walking leaning over at an angle of about 20 degrees before one day he began taking his cane into the meetings with him, casting suspicious glares around the workshop before he went in...
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Mon 9 May 2005, 12:06, Reply)

Very Petty
Not sure if this ones been mentioned but in a past version of windows I used to love using print screen to take a picture of someones desktop, set that as the wall paper and move their icons....rinse and repeat....end up with a lovely screen full of icons which don't do anything...... moving all the real ones into a folder so nothing worked was an added bonus. Took one of the junior IT guys about 3 hours to work out what was wrong......petty in the extreme but quite funny at the time. Had a sudden resurgence when we got some software which allowed us to take over other PC's so we could do it without having to hover over a machine.
( Spackweasel - because weasels get Downs Syndrome too, Mon 9 May 2005, 11:35, Reply)

I like to hide weapons of mass destruction in
small countries to fool CIA satelite probes, then when the satelite has passed out of range I then quickly remove them. The hilarity that's caused by international uproar, it never gets old!
( maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Mon 9 May 2005, 11:17, Reply)

Medical Supplies
Having lived in shared accomodation, i have experienced the strange phenomenon of having all of my food, milk, aftershave etc going missing on a regular basis.

Now, i am not a tightwad, but this was starting to take the piss as we were all working and i would be out of food an hour after going shopping.

So, as Mrs Flinglish is a nurse, managed to get hold of a fecking huge syringe and filled it with TCP. Then systematically injected all of the sealed food in the fridge. Stuff stopped going walkies after that....

First Post (with added woo and yay).
(Flinglish, Mon 9 May 2005, 11:16, Reply)

housemate
used to always get to the remote control first so we had to watch what he wanted, i planed it with my other housemate that each night we would either turn the battries around in the remote or put black tape over the sensor on the tv or the remote. The lazy fat arse could not be bothered to walk to the tv to turn over so we got to watch what we wanted.
(funkie, Mon 9 May 2005, 11:08, Reply)

I like sabotaging people's posts
by pointing out that even with 10 cans of shaving foam, the shaving foam suddenly exploding when a car door is opened is a blatant lie.

If you didn't already know, as a designer for a car manufacturer I can tell you that cars aren't airtight... They have vents (usually in the boot, out through the lamp clusters/behind the rear bumper that are permanently open to equalise the interior/exterior pressure. Think about it - if they weren't there you'd never be able to shut your car door due to the pressure build-up inside.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Mon 9 May 2005, 10:55, Reply)

I still do this....
I turn my windscreen washers on my car 90 degrees so they face the pavement and spray innocent bystanders.
(ElGatodeBarco, Mon 9 May 2005, 10:45, Reply)

In the days of yore when PC's were new
and not very many household had one. Used to go to the likes of Dixons and rename critical operating system files. Next time the machines were booted they failed. The shop monkeys would have no idea how to fix them, as this was pre PC's supplied with recovery disks.
(Begbie, Mon 9 May 2005, 10:06, Reply)

Embryonic stages as a sabateur
i was about 5 or 6 when i had been told off by my dad, which as normal upset me a little. I thought it would be a good idea to get him back by filling up a cup with washing up liquid and telling him it was tea.

he didnt fall for it. And i got a thick ear.
(Mr Moo Cow - HairyBeef, Mon 9 May 2005, 8:29, Reply)

Petty Sabotage
My friend Christopher and I, horrified and outraged that the fields behind my house were being turned into an access road for Brooklands Retail Park, proceeded to remove every bulb from light of every single tractor, JCB, steamroller, caterpillar etc on the site. I think Chris did a poo in one of them too but I'm not sure.
(se8card, Mon 9 May 2005, 0:41, Reply)

Lub dub!!! woo
In the first year of medical school you have to buy a stethoscope. The posh ones cost £50, but the nice people at Littman™ include a handy CD with heart sounds on it. I was in halls and thought it'd be a jolly jape to make my alarm on my stereo play that track at top volume, from around 3am to around 4am, on a night when I wasn't going to be there. Only did it once though, cos apparently, if you're stoned off your gourd, and massive booming "lub dubs" shake their way through your ceiling for a solid hour, it leaves you a trifle freaked out. Or so Rebecca, the (usually very nice) girl in the room below told me when I got back (in between blows to my face).
(donksta, Mon 9 May 2005, 0:12, Reply)

Not Sabotage but....
Used to head into town to the large department store there and head for the electrical section.
We'd set all the stereos that had alarms on them to go off in 5 minutes and then turn the volume all the way up. off we'd sneak to the other side of the floor and watch with much hilarity as they went off just as some poor mug was looking at them and nearly give them a heart attack.

1st post yay!
(Neuromancer, Sun 8 May 2005, 23:36, Reply)

oh and another one...................
in john lewis in milton keynes i used to go into there every lunch time and set all the alarm clocks to go off throughout my lunch hour while i sat on the marble blocks laughing every 2 minutes or so
(Bored, Sun 8 May 2005, 23:29, Reply)

sabotage!
me being the evil mind that i am i enjoy telling people we are meeting at different times and places and confusing everybody! or if someone calls me to ask where we are i blatantly lie just to hear them whine about it later on i give myself more points for distance and made up time away from the original meeting! Also do uni work in a lab and i enjoy adding random chemicals to peoples experiments just to see the confused looks when they get results lol! oh so we are clear i am a student and don't mess up actual real research projects just other students in the lab :-)
(ogb_sij, Sun 8 May 2005, 23:17, Reply)

Friend of mine...
once got really boastful about a rare CD he managed to get hold of. He proceeded to try and rub it in our faces by playing it top volume in his CD walkman. We eventually got annoyed with the fact he wouldn’t stop talking about it at the top of his voice so headed into HMV. Once inside we stuck a security tag to his back under his collar and lo and behold, when he tried to leave the store he set off the alarms and spent nearly an hour convincing security staff it was his album in the first place.
Alright, not very funny, but very satisfying.
(Voidedge, Sun 8 May 2005, 22:58, Reply)

Cling Film!
Right. When I was in school year 11. This massive wang of a six former was as usual being a complete tosser to everyone. A short but conclusive meeting was held in secret and the plans were set for the next day.

I bought 3 rolls of cling film into school and we all surprised him, wrestled him to the floor, striped him down to just his boxers and wrapped him in clingy clingy plastic. We didn't cling over his boxers(for a reason). So we taped his gob shut to stop him from calling the teachers and proceeded to carry him out into the yard. It was winter, it was wet and his skin was suffocating in every place apart from his uncling filmed nether regions. He was out there for a full 3/4 of an hour before the end of lessons came and teacher found him.

It was a sweet sweet revenge for having out bags stolen, our balls kicked and our mothers insulted.
(Feelslikehome, Sun 8 May 2005, 22:55, Reply)

Well, you all remember Pokemon cards, I'm sure.
So picture this. I was a year 6 of quite some repute among the teachers, but all the other kids were unimpressed with my pathetic collection of 20 pokemon cards. I was about to nag my mum into buying me more, when it dawned upon me that they were shit and a fad anyway, and I didn't quite want them. However, I was sick of being offered people's doubles, and hearing boasts of their shinies and rarities. I just wanted them to go AWAY.

What we needed, I thought, was a scandal.

This boy in my class, who we'll call Zach, had a collection of over 300 cards - about £200 worth I'd say - and every playtime he'd take them out, eager to trade. I didn't like him much, and he didn't like me much, and he was always pestering me for cards I never had. But one lunchtime I spied he wasn't on his usual rounds and decided I had a lovely opportunity to cook up some trouble.

Now far from being a stupid eleven-year-old, I realised I needed a fall guy. I told a mate's brother I was starting my own Team Rocket, and our first heist would be Zach's collection. I likened him to the fictional boss Giovanni and he was really pumped by it. So I said to him, go in and get the cards, and you can be the boss. He said no, he wouldn't do it, he'd get caught. So I ended up getting them myself, and I came out and dumped the loot on him.

He didn't feel so clever the next day when Zach was like "OMF WHERE ARE MY CARDS" and he was in possession of the entire lot. I had taken the day off, thinking he'd obviously be blamed. But the little sod grassed me up. However, since we both blamed each other and constantly changed our stories the way eleven-year-olds do, we both got a week's detention and it wasn't taken any further.

The result? Put the frighteners on Zach, got to spend lunchtimes in the lovely warmth of the classroom (and, thanks to my reputation, hardly even got shouted at), and got pokemon cards entirely banned from my school.

Rather genius for an eleven year old, I think.

No apologies for length.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 8 May 2005, 22:47, Reply)

At my old college..


Fuck yeah \m/
( stevierar, Sun 8 May 2005, 22:24, Reply)