I'll save him the trouble
I'm apeloverage

meh meh meh meh meh





crap punchline
(Medibot, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 20:12, Reply)

My friend Phil
Was notorious for eating yellow food and yellow food only. He would eat macoroni and cheese, cheese bake, more cheese, scampy and that's about it.

He once hacked up a bit of spring onion into someone else's hand. :D

My other mate Dewi is notorious for eating only meat and potatoes. The potatoes can take different forms (chips being preferable). Weirdly though he loves tinned marrowfat peas which are inedible to most humans.

He has been known to eat curry but only when absolutely hammered.
(Medibot, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 20:11, Reply)

My cousin
ate nothing (and I mean nothing) but alphabetti spaghetti and milkless frosties from the age of 8 to 19. He refused all other food with incredible levels of violence.
My auntie used to have to grind vitamin supplements into his food.
He died 3 years ago of malnutrition, after a lost battle about force feeding.

pick a punchline, it's not a joke
( fukka isn't around as much as he used to be..., Thu 1 Mar 2007, 20:10, Reply)

Its me thats the picky one.
I wont eat food unless its white. Its not a fear as such, but i dont like any food that happens to be of another colour. Unless its sweets, of course. But I'll happily live on bread, chicken, potato and pasta until i die.
(KellieFo zomgz11!, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 20:04, Reply)

Vegetarians are so picky
A friend from college loved annoying vegetarians. His roomate's girlfriend was a vegetarian. Let the games begin.

Once, within her earshot, he ordered a meat-lovers pizza with extra animal and told them if they hit an animal on the way over to just plop it on top. He did this because she ordered a cheese pizza. She almost cried.

He firmly agrees with the principle of "for every animal you don't eat, I'll eat three." He has a bumper sticker that states "So many cats, so few recipies."

His culinary masterpiece was a burger called "The Ark" which contained ground beef, ground pork, ground lamb, ground turkey, ground chicken, and any other ground animal he could get his hands on. This was then put in a blender for maximum compactness. It was shaped into a patty, wrapped in bacon, and fried. Just looking at it could give you a heart attack.

She said it was cruel to eat meat because the animals were killed horribly... so he bought a goat. The goat was humanely barbequed. She refused to eat any.

As for me, I can't eat oysters. Had to disect one once and they just disgust me. I'm not picky though. I've eaten chicken feet and other dubious parts before. My sister was tricked into eating cow tongue by a friend's mom. She said it was good but seeing the tongue afterwards made her ill.

Edit: Just remembered. He also loved to eat ribs and turkey legs in front of vegetarians. He would make growling noises to piss them off even more.
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:55, Reply)

Fruit and Veg of death
5 a day? Fuck that. Although I do eat veg given that my Mrs is a vegetablarian, I HATE courgette (that's zuchini to the Yanks), raw tomato I also hate, and whatever that purple thing is that the Americans call eggplant, I hate that too. Bananas and melon I can't eat as it makes my throat close up, and white wine does the same. Celery is just fucking shite and I but I'll basically eat anything else. Even did gherkins out of a Burger King burger once. I quite liked that actually. I also like stuff swimming in vinegar, like doing the fucking breast stroke in it.

Mmmm, vinegar strokes...
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:54, Reply)

Birdies
I literally cannot eat sprouts. Not because of fear of guffing or anything.
It's because my good old Yorkshire born and bred Daddy used to call them "Budgie's 'eads" and I cannot bring myself to eat a small pet's head. No.

Look at them! They are budgie's 'eads! You know it's true.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:52, Reply)

Chicory. I fucking hate chicory.
I'll eat all other vegetables. There are a few others I don't like very much (aubergine, courgette, the snotty bit in the middle of cuke), but I'll still eat them. But I absolutely fucking will not eat chicory. It's evil and bitter and tastes of fool. Fuck off, chicory.
I feel the same way about avocado. Fucking yuk, and it's bad for you.

I absolutely love nearly all other plants, and fungi, though. I love parsnips and mushrooms and sprouts and broccoli and all the other fruit and veg everyone else seems to hate. And I'm fairly non-picky in that I'll eat stuff that's been burnt or fallen on the floor, etc.

I am a vegan, though, so I'd no doubt get posted about if any of my immediate family were b3tans. And if you go without dairy products etc. for long enough you become lactose-intolerant (something to do with lactase production not being the norm in adulthood, so as soon as the call for it ceases your body stops making the stuff). If I inadvertantly get something dairy in my mouth it feels all funny, and my tongue feels all claggy and bitter-tasting. I can taste it if my sandwiches (with soya marge rather than dairy stuff) have been made with the same knife that was previously used to spread butter or ordinary marge on someone else's sarnies. And I sometimes have to leave the room if someone else is eating meat because the smell makes me feel ill. Not in a 'aww, poor wittle fwuffy animals' way; in an actual physical way. I loathe the smell of cat food, as to me it smells of diarrhoea. (Except that one time I was hallucinating with fever, and I hung around the cat food bowl because I was loving the smell, and thinking, 'mmm, I want to eat that.' Luckily I still had enough working faculties to know not to.)

I dislike soup and always have done. I hate how it's in liquid form; I want food I can bite. I'm cool with stew, though, as that's just veg in a runny sauce/gravy. But soup? Fuck off.

I like my tea and coffee black. Not something I acquired post-vegan; I've always liked it that way. Just hot water and a teabag or a nice big spoonful of coffee. It seems to be really hard for everyone else to get their heads round. Nine times out of ten I get the stuff given to me with milk in, even though I specifically requested 'black'. The concept of 'no sugar' seems to be alien to most people too.

As a small child I wouldn't eat gherkins because my dad had told me they were slugs. And I wouldn't eat orange creme chocolates out of selection boxes because my mum told me the squishy orange bit was made of slugs.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:50, Reply)

my friend
is actually scared of fish. He wont go near it, and he says it is a phobia, so i make sure whenever i eat fish i go really near him and watch him squirm. happy times.
(biggiantmat, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:48, Reply)

It's all Psychological . . .

I haven't eaten rhubarb crumble since I was force fed, by a teacher, at junior school and promptly projectile vomited over the entire lunchroom. It wasn't the skin on the custard, it was the taste and organic texture of the rhubarb stalks that signalled to my brain that the dessert was not staying in my stomach for long. I really can't stomach brocolli, cauliflower, sprouts, chickpeas, salmon mousse, liver, kidney, tongue, squid, haddock and duck pate.

I've been offered and tried various things that you wouldn't generally find in a typical English/North West European diet. Chinese deep fried crispy chickens feet, ostrich, shark, crocodile, locust, ant, strange multicoloured vegetarian gloop, etc and glad that I had the opportunity to try them.

I will try anything, if I eat it and it comes back up, it is purely my mind and my body rejecting it?! A couple of friends are off to Peru, where the staple diet is roast guinea pig, I would quite happily eat guinea pig, but never again do I want to taste rhubarb crumble.

I know that I am lucky, in the fact that I can make these choices. My parents generation grew up during the second world war, with rationing. One of their friends grew up in the Welsh valleys, he ate everything that was put on his plate. To this day he eats oranges, bananas etc, whole, including the skins! Which b3tard eats banana skins? Rob? Mongychops? 4dam? DTH? Didn't think so?

I have so much choice, supermarkets full of different produce from all over the world. If I was stuck in the wilderness and had to survive, i'd eat fried worms, pidgeon hearts, tree bark, lichen and yes i'd probably really enjoy a bowl of steaming rhubarb crumble and custard. Until then, I pointedly refuse to eat it, it's not a childish decision, I'm a grown up!*



(*lies)
(Apologies for length, but you can't leave until you finish what's on your plate!)
( 42 Loves Teh Funphenschnaffles, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:48, Reply)

Cheese...
I love cheese on pizza, or Parmesan on pasta, or otherwise melted, if it is not an arse-cheese like Swiss, or Gruyere, or Blue, or Brie...

But, unless the cheese is a fresh cheese, like mozzarella, ricotta, cottage, or cream cheese, I will do just about anything to avoid eating it unmelted, unless politeness demands it, in which case I will attempt to swallow it hole, and wash it down with plenty of anything else on hand. (and then I fight valiantly to stop myself from puking for a while)

Apparently I have been this way since I was a baby, and the funny thing is, that I will eat just about anything else, and will try just about anything too, regardless of cuisine, or ingredients just about. I have eaten very exotic and strange foods in my life, and I don't have favourite foods, even though my favourite animal is steak. (Beef and/or Moose are best)

Still, because it is apparently sacrebleu to not eat cheese, food of the gods, etc, I am considered a picky eater.

Truth is, the texture of unmelted cheese triggers my gag reflex even on contact with my lips, let alone my mouth/throat/esophagus, and it has been so since I was a wee babe.

I once had a lover who refused to eat anything that had a mashed or sloppy consistency, be it purred soup, pudding, mashed potatoes, squash, whatever... in the end a lot of food types, and foods themselves were off her menu, but she ate cheese...

So I was still the picky eater, even though I have eaten brains, and crocodile, and blood, and whatever else in my life without even flinching and sometimes even enjoying it...
(soldierofmisfortune I ain't broke but I am badly bent on, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:46, Reply)

I don't drink tea
coz its shit.

length? who cares... it was never funny.
(A Hospital Carpark, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:44, Reply)

My boyfriend says I'm weird......
If I have beans on toast, the toast has to be on the tray and the beans on the plate. If the beans even touch the toast slightly, the tea is ruined and I can't eat it cos the toast is all soggy and horrible.

I guess that is technically beans AND toast.

I have to sort out the biggest crisps in the bag, take them out, and save them to eat last. The biggest ones are always last. If it's French Fries, then the straightest are kept till last, if it's Pom Bear, then it's the flattest. My friends take the piss, steal the big ones and crush them in front of me, ruining my carefully constructed regime.

Bastards.
(Funty, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:43, Reply)

Well
Courgettes
Celery
Most fish (Tuna Bake is alright, as is MonkFish and tinned Salmon)
SMASH (A horrible excuse for powdered ADD WATER! food)
Chips (unless from MC donalds)
Cooked tomatoes
Cooked Mushrooms
Curry (unless mild Thai coconut curry)
And tomato sauce cannot touch egg. Never. Ever. Ever.
Shit, forgot, I'm allergic to Soya too.

Other than that, I'm not picky at all.
(Sneakerdoodle "Have a cup of tea and toss yourself off", Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:38, Reply)

It's not that unusual, you know...
I don't drink hot drinks, either. No, I'm not a mor(m)on, I just can't stand the bitterness of coffee, the sickliness of tea or the wrongness of hot chocolate. However, I do like a good bowl of soup. I think it has something to do with my Mum making me drink hot Ribena in the winter when I was a kid.

On the topic of food, my fiancée won't eat cucumbers, but guzzles gherkins, whereas I can't stand gherkins, but I'm OK with cucumbers.
( Parmesan Quality b4 Quantity, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:31, Reply)

well lets see
I can't eat macintosh apples (theyre so damn sour!), slightly lactose intolerant, but not that baddly, can't stand most cooked vegatables, hate sweet pottatoes with a burning passion, and swiss cheese on anything makes it taste like a pile of arse to me.
yep, think thats about it
length, width, height...
( Arsonade is saving up for a new box of hummus, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:23, Reply)

you are what you eat..
which must be why peter mandelson is such a cock...
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:23, Reply)

Ouchies.
People think I'm some sort of weird freak that should be locked up just because eating white chocolate makes my ears itch.

Aside from that I refuse hands down to drink anything out of a plastic cup, due to some bizarre childhood trauma, and tomatoes make me want to die. I also won't eat pasta, instant noodles or spaghetti out of anything but one certain bowl we have.
(sporky, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:18, Reply)

the list is endless
What won't I eat. Hmm....

Tomatoes. Never used to eat them when I was a kid, because I didn't like them, and now can't actually hold them in my stomach - vomit about two hours after I eat them. So I don't bother any more. Even if they're in brown sauce I can't have them (tip: they're in HP but not in Daddies)

Peppers - same thing, except the other end. Chilis are fine, it's just bell peppers

Full-fat coke - gross. Diet isn't much better but is good with JD ;)

Tea and Coffee

Soup that's been blended (stew with nice lumps in is great)

Eggs - except omelettes/quiches/baked goods

Curry - anything curry flavoured makes me retch

Crisps which aren't salt and vinegar or prawn cocktail - and have to have no tomato in the case of the latter - especially cheese and onion flavour, even the smell is gross

it carries on... and on... and on....
(corruptia, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:18, Reply)

"She won't eat chocolate"
A woman who used to live in the same flat block as me told me once that she "shouldn't have given [her child] all the organic healthy babyfoods when she was little, because now [aged nearly two] she won't eat sweets or chocolate."

I couldn't understand why this was a problem. She couldn't understand why I couldn't understand it was a problem. Thankfully we were able to move off the subject and remain friends.
( Batsgirl, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 19:02, Reply)

Actually..
My girlfriend has developed an allergy to gluten over the past few months. This essentially means she is forced to be on an Atkins diet, which is fun for everyone concerned!

I've noticed more and more people with the same problem over the past year, and I'm wondering how the hell I had missed this condition over the preceding 25 years. It's as if I had never heard of asthma.
(destrasinistra, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:54, Reply)

Sweet-fucking-potato..
Yes. That orange shite that calls itself a potato, IS NIETHER SWEET, NOR A FUCKING POTATO! It's horrible tasting orange slop, unfit for human consumption, yet my family love it.

The taste of Mushrooms makes me want to physically vomit (its ok if i cant taste them though), and when i was 14, my mother made these amazingly meaty beefburgers, which were great.. except she put fucking musroom in them.. i was almost sick all over the table.

And i'm also lactose intolerant (which is actually how humans were originally made, until they began drinking milk for other species - Pointless scientific fact #342), gives me the shits.. yet i cant help myself around chocolate, pizza etc. and thus spend a lot of time on the toilet.

Length etc... blah.. penis size.. obligatory "LOL"
( Popidge Last ate a kebab on, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:54, Reply)

Just the opposite problem...
My kids are not fussy eaters at all. I swear, they'll eat anything that doesn't move or is crawling slowly enough...

Once when my kids were very young (all under the age of ten) we were visiting my sister while my parents were in town. Sis had gotten a veggie tray at the store and an extra bottle of ranch dressing, and the kids started wolfing it down like they hadn't eaten for a week. Mom looked at them and commented to me, "They'll spoil their appetites for dinner."

I gave her a moment to think about that, then gently pointed out that they were massively consuming raw vegetables, so I didn't give two shits if they ate dinner or not...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:54, Reply)

Anti-vegetarianism
As a non-preaching vegetarian I'd just like to say a massive FUCKOFF to anyone who is offended enough by what I choose to / not to put in my body that they take it as a personal affront. Oh, and you've been watching too much of Al "slightly less entertaining than spotting blood on the toilet roll" Murray, so grow up. Cheers!

I did go off fried eggs for a few years because I cracked one open that had a half formed chicken foetus in it - this was before I became vegetarian, it was just because it was revolting.
(keeferreefer, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:38, Reply)

ive got a mate that...
... used to only eat carrots raw and with nothing else.

tea used to consist of carrots and then chocolate cake.


a staple deit eh?



no wonder he's always ill and looks like an umpa-lumpa.
(dasfunkman eats spastics, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:35, Reply)

I will not eat crisps of any sort
and cannot stand the smell of them or the look of someone eating them

so I am fucked up I guess!

/length? concave!
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:34, Reply)

Firmly held beliefs
My little sister reached the age of 14 and declared that she was vegetarian and no longer wished to eat meat.

"Fine" says Mum.

"Wow" thinks Sis.

"You can cook it yourself, of course" says Mum.

There was a brief pause ....

"Err... I've changed my mind, actually"
(patently Was somewhere else on, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:28, Reply)

My girlfriend is quite picky and its all in her head..
She says things like "I cant drink full fat milk, it makes me vomit" SO of course I put it in her tea and cereal for over a week before she twigged on. Now she drinks it fine.

Also, she wont eat rice because it "Looks like maggots" and "Carrots and broccolli are what I gave to my rabbit before he died, they make me sad" (how that is a reason to not eat veg I will never know).

Half the things she says she doesnt like I know for 100% fact she has never tried. I used to be like that too....when I was 5.

Oh and I used to go out with a girl who was a vegetarian, problem was...she didnt like vegetables. All she ever ate was Quorn, pasta and wine gums (even though she knew gelatine is made from cow fat)
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:25, Reply)

My parents met a guy on holiday
...who was a vegetarian - kind of. He was perfectly happy to eat meat, but only if he'd killed it with his own hands.

Maybe every few months he strangles and consumes an entire cow, I don't know.
(rogerzilla, Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:21, Reply)

Cheese
Can't stand the taste/texture.

But only until it's melted, strangely. basically I cannot eat a block of solid cheese, it makes me physically gag, but I absolutely love cheese on toast/pizza etc.

Oh yeah, same with tomatoes until they're cooked.
( laminasni isn't., Thu 1 Mar 2007, 18:19, Reply)