ok
so which is preferable, gorgeous face but the body of a "hippocrocadogapig crossed with a manatee" or the body of a goddess but a face like a bulldog licking piss off a thistle?

and the same question for girls??

bonus points for reasons as well....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 21:35, 208 replies)

How many times do I have to say....
This was cyber-crapness of the highest order. I'm 30, and have just started getting into interwobble dating. I should note that the sort of gents that seem to head my way are of the slightly dubious variety - the sort that are still married, or a bit on the still living with their mother side of the fence. So I start MSNing with this particular young man (who has some luverrly pix potentially of him - is cyber - who knows if it's him, right?), and everything is going great. He lives in Cardiff, I really don't (about 100 miles away, but hey, it's only petrol, right?). He works out my way often, so all is great. He msns me to say he's going to be out my way sometime during the week. Gives me a day he's going to be around, and I give him the date phone number. Nothing. Fast forward a few weeks & he turns up on msn. rinse & repeat a few times. I get bored (& have been chatting to waaaaaay less flakey than said young man). He turns up on msn a few more times with the whole "why you doin me like this babe" crap. To which I'm very polite ("I've met a real life person - believe me, it makes all the difference"), but quite firm. He still doesn't get the message. I think I finally got rid of him (I swear he was probably referring to me as his girlfriend to his mates) today. Told him I was seeing someone & gave him some VERY specific details to do with bedroom antics. What's the bets I've not quite shaken him? Hoorah for the "block" mechanism on msn & yahoo!
I feel sorry for him, I really do, but honestly, why so desperate?
( Whodathunkit, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 21:08, Reply)

Well, there's this girl
Who I was seeing, but I found out that for the last two months or so she's been on a website called "b3ta" or somesuch.

I told my friends about her being on "b3ta", and they all said that I should dump her, so I did. She had some really weird name on B3ta too, like "Petite chien" or something.

Hope she doesn't take it too hard, especially given that I dumped her on the day this QOTW went up.














I'm so sorry, so very, very sorry.
Petite chien, I'm sure you're a lovely, lovely woman, and your real boyfriend is a wanker of the most cock-faced variety for dumping you. Please don't hunt me down and murder me to death.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 21:04, 2 replies)

I seem to make it easy, not hard
Personally I've never done the dumping, sure I've drifted apart from people with mutual acceptance, but that doesn't seem to be the jist of the QOTW.

Onto the actual being dumped, my apparently high respect (the verdict of a number of independent female friends) for the women in my life somehow seems to make me full of forgiveness and acceptance when being dumped, leading to the woman going away absolved, and me feeling better for not hauling them over the coals. That is, until the next time I have a drink or start feeling all pensive, at which point I can't help but wish that I'd done my fair share of shouting and blaming; it never seems to come to pass though.

Apologies for thoughtfulness, normal service will resume on the next post, probably.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 20:51, 1 reply)

my brother was an arch bastard
the guy is very happily married now to a lovely lass, but back in his day, he was capable of some horrendous treatment of women. a particular favourite story of his was about a girl he wasn't especially keen on, but fooled around with anyway.
one night she'd been going down on him, doing an excellent job and all. upon finishing, she looked at him, longingly, for a bit more action. what did he do, for this girl who'd worked so hard to please him? get up to make a sandwich, saying 'you can finish yourself off love, i'm really not that bothered'.
i don't believe they've spoken since.
( the brass moustache putting the ass moust in brache since, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 19:36, Reply)

I have been a prize bastard in my time pt1...
The nastiest I have ever been was when I got monumentally drunk one night and pulled what can only (kindly) be described as a Hipocrocadogapig at some dodgy indie club in Leicester.

She, taking advantage of the bad lighting and to be honest piss poor beer induced judgement, managed to drag me back to her place for some Hot-Blubbery-Lovin. All was well for a while, my stellavision preventing me from seeing that I was humping some kind of land based manatee.

Unfortunately for this failed experiment in human animal hybrids, after about 1/2 an hour "in her company" I began to sober up a little too much.
I began to realise that the lads in my university halls would hear about this.
The terrors of the kangaroo court session that would inevitably follow worried me more than a little (there's more than QOTW entry in that little lot I tell you).

Eventually it all got to much, my self esteem and outright cowardice overpowered any guilt I may have felt.
It should be noted at this point this still do not feel too guilty and maintain that she took advantage of me in my drunken state.
I "withdrew" from the scene and started to dress myself hurriedly.

"What's going on," she asked "you didn't finish did you?"
"No," I replied struggling into my jeans "I've just sobered up too much to carry on!"

Exit Magenta Ninja stage left with a the flubber crying in the corner.

Length? its just the right size (apparently)
(The Magenta Ninja am behind you stealings yor magenterses, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 18:53, 5 replies)

my flatmate
is a hazard when it comes to men.

she spent the second night with the potential new bloke on friday. firstly she made an urban legend come true by blocking the toilet, fishing out the cause, wrapping it in a toilet roll and burying it in a carrierbag in the kitchen bin. she blamed the urban legend for giving her the idea.

but worse than that, she was complaining in the morning because he lives like a student and only had one - ragged damp - towel. he agreed that he really should buy some.

an hour later, she texted him and said: "actually, don't bother, i have many spare towels that i will bequeath to you".

and she can't see what is wrong with that! she really can't see that he'll be thinking she has already picked out middle names and primary schools..........
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 18:13, 3 replies)

Thank you b3ta
for having this question put up on the day that my boyfriend dumped me. Great timing.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 18:05, 10 replies)

Decisions, decisions...
I tried pretty hard to be honest, but failed.

However, this is probably a good thing, considering I'm still seeing the wonderful Mr Janitor Sinister almost 2 years on...

I decided that the man wasn't living up to my expectations and I had carefully nurtured a few grudges against him. I decided to collect a small hareem of slightly younger men (well, 2 men - I told you it was small...) and spent a few weeks having non-sexual adventures with them before unceremoniously announcing that I needed a "break" from my relationship. This was taken well considering the circumstances by Mr Janitor Sinister, and we re-united a month later when I felt better about things. So I tried hard to get "dumped" and failed by my own actions.

The problem was, I had two men I'd lead on, been taken out by and essentially exploited a little. I should add, I am not proud of this. One was slightly miffed, but we stayed friends and still speak.

However, the other one went slightly crazy on me, claimed I'd taken his virginity (must have been by my Jedi powers, or perhaps I suffered a bout of sexosomnia) and then proceeded to attempt make sure everyone knew what a terrible creature I was. Additionally there were several calls demanding an explanation for my behaviour. It was slightly scary.

Length? I still don't know...
(Janitor Sinister, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 16:52, 1 reply)

last night I went to have a wank
and my hand pretended it wasn't home.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 16:22, Reply)

My friend
Once took his girlfriend's picture out of a locket he wore, and replaced it with a second picture of himself.
(Slyph, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 15:49, 3 replies)

so i said...
to the 1stmrsblaireau69 "well if that's all you've got to say then maybe you should fuck off to your mother's!"

so she did.

and they were the last words we ever exchanged without the expensive assistance of solicitors.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 8 Jun 2008, 15:05, Reply)

Well dodgy
My ex followed me in a taxi from the nightclub when I dumped him, got out halfway over the Tyne Bridge and proceeded to chase the taxi I was in. He then knocked on the door for 4 hours whining and pleading with me....I later found out that about 3 months later he had been sectioned. =)
(Antizan Doling out the happy pills...., Sun 8 Jun 2008, 13:36, Reply)

I answered the phone during sex.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 13:24, 3 replies)

bad now
i got drunk instead of going to her fathers funeral yes that got me dumped quiet quickly
(pancakes_n_ham, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Was it her that couldn't take the hint, or me?
Many years ago (well, four) I met my first 'proper' girlfriend. It all started when I went to a party that her and her friend (whom I knew from the Internet) were throwing at her boyfriends house.

For some inexplicable reason we started talking, and I gave her my MSN address. All well and good.

Except that the next day she added me. And during the course of our first conversation she made it very clear that 'I'm happy with my boyfriend but if we ever split up then I want to have sex with you.'

Guess what? Three weeks later, I got a phone call. "*Sniff* We've split up. I need some time away. Can I come and stay with you?"

She did, and things took their course. I lost my virginity 20 times over that day.

Then I found out that she wanted to go back home to her boyfriend. At this point, alarm bells started ringing. I investigated further, and as it so happens they never broke up at all - just had a minor tiff. The boyfriend had no idea of her intentions towards me. Oh, bugger.

The whole thing repeated itself every month that year, and by this point my parents were starting to get pissed off at providing temporary accomodation for a crazy goth girl. So what did I do? Take the sensible option and tell her to fuck off?

No, I started squatting a house with a few of my friends.

She came to stay with me at the squat. We had fantastic sex, as always. It was bliss...

...for about 3 days. Then one night she screamed at me, out of the blue and in full earshot of our housemates, "YOUR DICK IS TOO SMALL!"

Hmm. OK, love.

I then found myself driving her between mine and her 'other boyfriend's' house on a daily basis. Every time I saw her, we argued from the moment I picked her up to the moment I dropped her off the next day.

Yet every time she phoned me, I came to help her. I loved her, I really did. It got to the stage where we would sleep in motorway service areas in the back of my freezing cold Transit van, because I couldn't afford to drive home and back again.

She was driving me mental. I was almost trying to get her to hate me just so she'd leave me alone and I could work out what was wrong with me (her, as I now know). I dropped her in the middle of Manchester at 3 in the morning once instead of driving her to where she wanted to go. I screamed at her on a daily basis and my rage grew to such huge proportions that it scared me - I would find myself shaking and crying after every meeting. I even (and this is the one thing I feel really bad about) slept with one of her friends. I don't know why I did it.

So, should I have told her to fuck off, and actually stuck to my guns and stopped going to see her? I wanted to, but I just couldn't.

That was one of the most confusing times in my whole life.

Appologies for length - she certainly thought I needed to appologise, anyway.

It's 4 in the morning and I'm on my 10th can of beer, so I apologise for the long-winded self-indulgent speil. And I'm not a fucking emo either.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 3:53, 3 replies)

I love the member know as
flirting with badgers.
That's all.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 2:10, 2 replies)

"I'm thinking of legally changing my name to Electric"
Blatant attempt to ruin the date and make it look like I'm the heartless bastard by ditching him because he's a pretentious twat.
(reducedfatLOLcat, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 1:14, 3 replies)

easy....
Tell her you want a threesome (and I mean the cool kind, not a sausagefest) If you fail to get dumped, you still win!

You can then keep upping the antie too: "Last night was fun darling, but there was something missing....baby oil and four more of your friends!" Its like repeatedly pressing the gamble button on a fruit machine, and it spewing out more and more money each time, untill you eventually hit the jackpot, she dumps you, and you end up having to clean ALL the mayonaise back out of the local swimming pool and make your apologies to the local college ladies netball, hockey and athletics teams....cos its sod's law that they would never go for it after the female hive mind found out what a bastard you were to her!
(Red Fletcher, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 0:50, 1 reply)

Friend Dumping (TM)
This is an unusual one, because it's not about a "relationship" in the sense I think the question means.

When I was 12 I had my appendix out, and it didn't go totally smoothly. I had a major infection for a few days, though I didn't really feel sick(er). Then I was told to stay off school for two weeks. Yay! Plenty of time to read, or whatever.

But: one of the guys in my class at school, Richard, kept coming by in the afternoon... I had no idea why. Maybe his mother was telling him to, or something. I didn't want to offend him, (possibly because his sister was sweet), but how to stop the visits?

The solution I hit involved (a) a record player, and (b) some of my dad's albums. The "silver bullet" was Mario Lanza. Whaddya mean, who? He was a popular operatic tenor of the 1940s and '50s, who made several records and movies, before dying young. (If you ever saw the film Heavenly Creatures, he was the guy those two loony girls were worshipping.)

Bugged the crap out of me, to be blunt, so he was a perfect weapon. It worked! A few verses of Funiculi, Funicula, and he could see I was genuinely deranged, and did not return. However... I think he reported the music to his sister, because she lost interest in me altogether. Bugger.
( bnt what, me worry?, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 0:25, Reply)

Not on topic but hey it's Saturday night and I'm a bit pished.
The best advice ever given to me was -

Don't ever settle for the one you can live with,
Wait for the one you can't live without.
( girlinthehole, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 22:37, 170 replies)

Not me.
Friend of a friend of a friend (I think) went with a girlfriend to the tattoo parlour. He was to get her name, she was to get his.

When they both came out though, she showed him the tattoo of his name and then he slowly pulled up his shirt and revealed his tattoo. Of his name.

"I just couldn't", he said.

I hear they didn't last much longer after that, but if he didn't do this to get dumped, he's certainly a bit of a bastard.
(geordiedave is reliving the time Southgate missed that penalty, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 22:30, 2 replies)

I tried, it backfired a bit
I was about 14/15 and was 'going out' with a boy from school, like you do when you're that age. I remember wanting to dump him, although I'm not sure why. I had a speech all planned out in my head about how it just wasn't working out and decided to go for a walk in the park and recite my speech in the hope that he would agree with me and end it (I was too scared of hurting his feelings as he'd been chasing after me for a fair while.)

I think I must have been nervous, because what should have been "I don't deserve you" came out as " You don't deserve me". I don't think he was very impressed. To be fair, I wasn't very impressed at myself!

Although after this he did tell all his friends that my idea of a blowjob was a bit of licking on the end, which was completely untrue. So I should've just told him he was a twat really, shouldn't I?!

Edit: In retrospect, why was I even bothered at 14? What kind of 14 year old thinks 'It's not working out'? It must be my older brain putting it's spin on it. I hope.
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 21:40, Reply)

well its not that interesting,
My girlfriend of a few months but i wanted out got her fringe died black. :o

The day she saw me with it done she said do you like it?

I was speechless for a few seconds and then frankly said 'NO.'

But unfortunately for me she now has turned out to be the best looking girl ive ever been out with and one of the best looking girls i know.

GREAT!
( Nathanial Hornblower, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 20:54, Reply)