Amazing Discoveries
Mine would be (among other things, obviously) discovering that I can access b3ta on my phone. Got me through the first few days of work experience, that did, until I found out it was bleeding me dry...

But anyway, tell us your amazing discoveries :)
(ShortPurple is still trying to think of a decent board sig on, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 19:06, Reply)

I know him from school!
Were you at school or university with anyone who has subsequently become famous/ infamous? Tell us about their terrible acne...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 15:03, Reply)

Cultural Iconoclasm
We've had guilty pleasures and pet peeves. This is somewhere in between. What's the thing that others seem to think is completely top-hole, but which you've never liked and can't imagine liking? What piece of cultural iconoclasm would you like to commit?

Edited a bit to take into account Axeman Jim's reply, which is spiffing.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 15:02, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Movie scenes that turn you on but they really shouldn't.
For me, it's Jessica Alba getting whipped by the yellow mutant in Sin City, how can anybody not find that hot??

Post your tales of getting hot over something you really shouldn't have on the television!
(trippeh, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 11:08, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Smug
What things (little or big) have caused you to feel all warm and superior? For me at the moment, it's the knowledge that I'm on holiday for another 8 weeks, most of which I shall be drunk for, coupled with the knowledge that tomorrow I'm going to a "fetishes and fantasies" themed party with a great many attractive and desperate women.

Oh and my homemade cider (20% abv) is ready for bottling.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 20:11, Reply)

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Well adjusted people who've fallen off the rails of life. I bumped into someone I'd been friends with at primary school twenty years later and realised after about two minutes that he was as mad as a march hare. Somone else I schooled with - who was bright and had excellent prospects - working in the local offy. A journo friend - went on a two week bender - on crack cocaine - wife kicked him out - two years later - a crack addicted vagrant... Know anyone else who had promise and then .....
(The Eightball Says Yes, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:29, Reply)

Can you write a Haiku that isn't utter shit?
I would take my shot.
But I cannot reach my stick.
It's stuck on the roof.
(lestergunn ...hot holes o' heat..., Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:23, Reply)

oh, the irony!
I was once dumped by a Blues musician - woke up this morning and the fecker had gone. Tell us the ironies in your life while avoiding Alanis Morissette comments.
(Note: may not be suitable for Merkins.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 9:30, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

best ways to make Gordon Brown suffer
how many wonderful ways can we torture him
( Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:01, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Eternal Questions...?
Why do old people tut at you when you walk past them?

How does Mark Wahlberg still get work?

Why is the queue you're in always the slowest?

Post your own, including your own theory and let fellow B3tans try and help you find an answer.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 8:28, Reply)

Unshakable belief in nonsense
My little sis (Helen) came back from an adventure week organised by school, convinced that every SAS soldier had a steel helmet implanted under the skin that covers the skull so that they didn't have to rush about finding their conventional helmets when the crap hit he fan and they were pressed into action.

One of the instructors had told her that he'd just been in to have his implanted as he was about to join up.

Years later she still believed this, which was only to be confirmed by the SAS when they stormed the Iranian embassy in 1980.

'You could clearly see that they weren't wearing helmets.'

What nonsense have you persuaded someone to believe?
(chilling, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 0:32, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sadistic Celebrity Quiz Shows
How about your ideas for filling in the Saturday evening prime time slot? However, these shows must be catered towards ridding the world of crappy celebrities.

Here is my idea:

Celebrity Catapult.

Fronted by Dale Winton, it features two teams of confused old age pensioners guessing how far a medieval catapult will throw a celeb. Voice-over guy will introduce each celeb and give their weight and a few reasons why they are 'famous'. The celebs are then hurlded by the catapult and the team with the closest guess wins. As an added cuteness value (and to cover H&S) the first aid will be provided by different cub scout groups per episode.
(Greendog I like big boobies and I cannot lie, Mon 7 Jul 2008, 11:52, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

duuuuuuh
Stupidity. The most powerful force in the universe. What's the stupidest thing you've ever seen/said/done/heard/posted on the internet for all to see?
(Axeman Jim, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 19:09, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

favourite meals
You and your partner had had a difficult life. After years of being thrown about you'd pretty much decided to make it on your own. But one day you met one another and things kind of clicked. It wasn't easy at first - things rarely are, but you felt that one way or another something about this was just... right. One of your happiest memories was when your grandmother took you picking for blackberries. In the summer sun your nose would gradually burn red, as your mouth - stained with fruit, one berry for the basket and one for now, became greedy for the joy that looked like it couldn't end. The endless summer holidays stretched ahead of you without a care in the world.
The field, your secret patch bordered with brambles that only you and Nana knew about was the spot where you had decided to propose. You already knew her answer, but your heart was still beating like mad as you were rephrasing your words. You both giggled as the cork on your champagne bottle popped, and you filled her glass. As she dipped another strawberry with cream she looked up shyly and you took her hand. You looked, deep into one another's eyes. The answer was yes and, at that moment, you knew that nothing in your life would ever matter, because you had everything you would ever need.

Or perhaps, your smack-addled sister had been over earlier, using your condo to turn another trick. She took a fall and blood was gushing from her head - you shoved her out the flat while some thug dragged her by the hair, screaming obscenities and reminding you what was coming to you when he'd finished with her. You had a vague memory of her dropping a rock on her way out and, sure enough, when you scraped aside some filth from beneath the broken fridge, you found not only a pristine rock, but also a bit of mildewed hash. Moreover, beside that humble lump, was a half-cooked sausage which you consumed with gusto. Holy shit could a sausage taste this good? I'm like some kind of fucking super hero.

What was your favourite meal and why?
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Sun 6 Jul 2008, 0:21, Reply)

Shops
Many have worked in one,all have been to one.Interesting/amusing stories must be plentiful.
(yob soddoth happiness is a Dane called Hamlet?, Sat 5 Jul 2008, 11:14, Reply)

What's in the YouTube database?
Google is required to hand over to Viacom the entire database (all 12 Terabytes of it) of every video ever watched on YouTube by anybody. Ever.

The judge who approved this fishing expedition is under the impression that userids are anonymous.

Imagine all the amusing/incriminating links between videos and userids that give away the identity of the YouTube victim/user.

Example:

User stevejobs has watched the video titled "Steve Ballmer's Monkey Dance" 9217 times.

What videos are the favourites of such userids as dubyah, maxF1, amyNONONOrehab etc etc...?
(cox2inhibitor, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 18:04, Reply)

E-bay stories
Have you had a bad experience on e-bay (or a similar site) that you want to rant about? Did you find the best bargain ever? Did you keep in touch with your trading-partners? Or have you just seen an unusual item for sale? Tell us your stories of e-baying
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 16:39, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Someone I know lost it
I've often heard tales of people working in an office when all of a sudden, a co-worker who has a reputation for being quiet suddenly snaps and threatens to kill everyone, but in the end, just walks off leaving an office full of scared people. Or maybe it was you. Tell us your tales of people losing it or having mental breakdowns.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 16:36, Reply)

Random things you notice ...
... like whenever I'm in a shopping centre or similar, and Billie Jean comes on the PA, my footsteps always snyc with it making feel a bit silly.

Also, why do you never know where to look when your debit card receipt is printing? Weirdly, the same thing goes for the person behind the till and they must do it all the time!

What small bit of bizarreness have you noticed to brighten up your life or drive you to the edge?
( Cheeses of Nazareth Where's Captain Kirk? www.whereiskirk.com, Fri 4 Jul 2008, 15:35, Reply)

RIS?
For several years, despite a) being male and b) absolutely loving footy, I didn't have the faintest idea how the offside rule worked. Don't know why, but I seem to recollect thinking you had to face the other way while 1 on 1 with the goalie. I also thought a 'hat-trick' just meant a very good goal.

What ridiculously simple thing did you completely misunderstand, or just not understand at all?
(JoeyJoeJoeSnrShabadoo - happy now?, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 19:59, Reply)

I like this!
Inspired by the button/link of the same name, what obscure things do you like?

Me, I like the voice of the French woman announcer on the inter-area ski-bus in chamonix. The way she says "Prochain arret - Les Chosalets!" makes me go all wibbly.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 16:25, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Follow on from the last question.
I'm disappointed that this is such a neggy QOTW.
How about a follow on question about the times when you weren't disappointed or when something exceeded expectations?
Until then, I'm crafting a tin foil helmet and sniffing kitten breath to get rid of the negative vibes.

I'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupidI'mstupid.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 3 Jul 2008, 9:24, Reply)

I work in an airport
In the ladies' toilets there is a sign that reads 'During a terminal evacuation a red light will flash'.

I don't know what a terminal evacuation is, but I am now scared to take a shit at work.

What signs have amused / puzzled / terrified the hell out of you?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 2 Jul 2008, 13:51, Reply)

chavs
They're everywhere. I met two prime examples recently, one of whom actually wore white jeans to a wedding. The other one asked me what kind of gyms we had in Scotland - "Big ones or little ones?", before expressing surprise that Scotland was also "fulla mahntins, innit"

Do tell us about your brushes with Britain's underclass.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 1 Jul 2008, 12:47, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dreams
What's the weirdest/scariest/sexiest dream you've ever had? Did a dream ever inspire you to do something in real life? Have you ever had a dream come true (for good or bad)?
(Axeman Jim, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:41, Reply)

Have we done biggest embarrassments yet?
Or biggest embarrassments in front of a person you admire?

I'm reminded of a time I was talking to a girl I really liked at school when I was about 14. We'd just finished swimming in the river and I was chatting to her by the bank when some of my hilarious and awesome friends decided to pull down my untied shorts and expose my tiny shrivelled penis to her.

I don't think I ever spoke to her again.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 8:57, Reply)

How nerdy are you?
I work in my student union - on a Friday night they have a room which plays all the cheesy music that you sway to with your mates when you're off your face.

I wandered in when the DJ was warming up, and he popped Rick Astley on. My immediate thought was "Heheheh, rickrolled."

How nerdy are you?
(emcake putting a donk on it since, Sat 28 Jun 2008, 2:29, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What is the biggest mess you've ever made?
No restrictions on topic.
( Zhmei HEY B3TA I WAS ON YOUR DINGY ISLAND AT LAST!1!, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 19:27, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Who
is in your "dead pool", and why?
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 19:10, 1 reply, 16 years ago)