Domestic appliances
What domestic appliances have you bought after seeing the advert on some dodgy tv channel ?
Does it really save you hours, dramatically improving the quality of life? or is it just a piece of shit that lives in the cupboard next to the toastie machine ?
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Wed 24 Nov 2004, 13:25, Reply)

Unfortunate/Badly Timed Realisations
As in...a commonly used phrase / word / joke etc that, for some odd reason, you have just heard the wrong way and spent your entire life with a firm grasp on the wrong end of the stick...then, in the most embarrassing moment possible, you decide to pipe up with this little gem only to be greeted with a stony silence follwed by much laughter and derision...allow me to offer an example:

I was, by some fluke, actually succeeding in coming across as relatively intelligent and witty in a conversation with a girl I *really* fancied...everything was going swimmingly she was laughing at all my terrible jokes and happily listening to all my wise waffle...then, for a reason I forget, the phrase "hoist by their own petards" came up and she said "y'know i've always wondered what a petard is?" to which I respond "ah that's easy, they're those things like aprons that people wear"...silence...she says "don't you mean tabards?"...*sigh*...bugger.
( The Reverend Lord Lizard, Tue 23 Nov 2004, 17:43, Reply)

A dish served cold...
What's the nastiest/most vindictive you've done to an ex-partner?
(misteroz, Tue 23 Nov 2004, 17:12, Reply)

Squirrels v Badgers
I remember how Queen Elizabeth II's coronation was somewhat marred by a debate at the time; who would win in a fight, a squirrel or a badger. To settle the dispute, at our coronation street party, we held a squirrel v badger fight. Needless to say, the badger won. He ripped the head off that bushy tailed rat, then urinated down his neck.

Do any other B3tans have stories about fights? Not just ones about wildlife, domestic animals too. Or people. Or people v animals. Etc.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 23 Nov 2004, 13:14, Reply)

Damn kids
Whether it's a family member, a neighbor's kid, or something you did at that age, everybody has to have at least one embarassing/hilarious/memorable situation from when they were a kid or encountered someone else's.

I was baby-sitting the kids next door and this was when one of them was still being potty trained, so he was allowed to poop on the lawn. One and only time I've had to call their parents for help.
(DeadCats, Mon 22 Nov 2004, 5:09, Reply)

racial slurs are demeaning and offensive...
...except for 'pikey', which is erudite and hilarious. Discuss.

Extra points for explaining why calling people chavs is similarly big and clever.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 21 Nov 2004, 11:36, Reply)

Nasty AND Funny
Last night I accidentally called my girlfriend by the wrong name. The name of someone I've been flirting with, to be exact.

So she pinted me. In front of several hundred people. Work people. Work people I work with EVERY DAY.

What's the worst way Bad Karma has caught up with you?
( Grouch would quite like his clients to stop being numptys, Fri 19 Nov 2004, 17:39, Reply)

ever laughed so hard a bit of wee came out.
think it wouldbe funny to see how low people go in order for them to semi urinate on themselves
( useless_rocker twitter.com/phillipteague, Fri 19 Nov 2004, 0:19, Reply)

ghosts or dead fings
ever seen a ghost or had a a shit-you-up moment?
(1st team orc, Thu 18 Nov 2004, 17:23, Reply)

How about
"Poltical Correctness gone mad"?
(Doctor Evil, Thu 18 Nov 2004, 16:58, Reply)

How about this????
Your worst and most horrific sexual encounter..... it just boggles the mind, doesn't it?????
(arsebiscuit, Thu 18 Nov 2004, 0:02, Reply)

My most infurating personal habit
what do you do that drives ppl around you crazy?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 15 Nov 2004, 18:38, Reply)

Have You Ever Had A Premonition? Well, I have.
I had a premonition that the next Question Of The Week would be "Have You Ever Had A Premonition?"
So it must be.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Mon 15 Nov 2004, 15:44, Reply)

QoW
Where is the oddest place you've had a wank?
( mr_dog, Sun 14 Nov 2004, 20:37, Reply)

Favorite crisp
Whats your favorite flavor of crisp?, is it the tangy morrisons own brand prawn coctail, the oh-so cheesy m^ccoys chese and onion, the retro salt and shake or the down-to-earth no-nonsense ready salted.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 13 Nov 2004, 22:56, Reply)

ugly people
what have you seen that made you gag on the street.chavs maybe?
( Killerkitti Like my coffee black, just like my metal, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 12:07, Reply)

Most shameful moment.

Everyone has a secret shameful moment, which won't go away, and occationally pops in to your head.

I'm not telling mine, no way.

...gah, I feel awful now.
(Mattt, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 1:37, Reply)

Just One Hit, dead or alive...
Your allowed to hand out one good smack in the kisser. No repercussions, no guilt, just one good hit. Who would it be? Gerri Haliwell? Graham Norton? Michael Winner? Go on, give it your best shot..
(Chillumm, Thu 11 Nov 2004, 15:17, Reply)

Claims to fame
Did your Granny go to school with Richard Wilson, or did your friends sister go out with Dane Bowers from Another Level?

No, me either, but why are you nearly famous?
(betterpants, Thu 11 Nov 2004, 15:04, Reply)

little acts of revenge
when customers phone up to say they havent had an e-mail about something (whether they are right or not) i re-send it twice to freak them out.

how do you subtly get your own back and give your self a grin?
(bazmandublin, Thu 11 Nov 2004, 11:28, Reply)

getting the sack has great comedy potential
I once lost a classroom assistant job after yelling at the lid I was lloking after in front of the OFTED inspectors. Tell us interesting and fun way's you've lost jobs.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 11 Nov 2004, 8:13, Reply)

Stuff you nicked from the workplace
and got away with.
(r manic, Thu 11 Nov 2004, 3:35, Reply)

What was the most:
a) pathetic thing you've done to get on telly.

b) random thing a stranger has ever said to you

c) disgusting thing you've ever found in a public toilet
(Fartmonger, Wed 10 Nov 2004, 20:32, Reply)

For a photoshop thing
Yo MTV Pimp my desk/cubical.

Wouldn't work be much more fun if we could bling up our boring cubicals. Put desks on those hydraulic things that office chairs have. Lowrider trim computers etc.

Maybe not, but could pass 5 mins.
(Mong-the-Merciful, Wed 10 Nov 2004, 16:26, Reply)

easy choice...
what's the biggest fraud you've ever committed?

Just going to try and pick up some tips...
(Matt entices small rodents with cheese., Wed 10 Nov 2004, 4:36, Reply)

Ideas for QoW
I always like the cruel ones, so here is my twopenneth:

What's the nastiest thing you have done to a sibling

Have you ever been cruel to an animal.
(incatatus, Tue 9 Nov 2004, 17:44, Reply)

The Worlds Pishest Toys
My top 3.
No.1. Plastic soldier with polythene parachute. Fucking pish, never worked, ever.
No.2. Evel KefuckingNevel stunt motorbike.
No.3. Slinky. 30 seconds worth of interest.
(Chillumm, Tue 9 Nov 2004, 16:22, Reply)

What Car/ Vehicle
would you have from tv or films, this includes animation.
(funkie, Tue 9 Nov 2004, 12:14, Reply)

Weak willed fools
Did you make a new years resolution this year and if so how long was it before you inevitably ended up breaking it as I have done for the last 20 odd years? This year I wisely gave up gargling Tequila. 3 days before you ask!
(NihilisticPenguin, Tue 9 Nov 2004, 10:53, Reply)