In India
Trundling through some parched wasteland on a shitty rickety old rusty bus with dodgy brakes in the baking sun.

I spied a bloke on a bicycle with a metal garden gate tied to his back.

Fuck knows what he was up to. We were miles from anywhere.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 2:40, 2 replies)

Everything
The entire universe is random and meaningless.

Yours,
I. Bergman
(mudskipper, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 2:36, Reply)

xsrtgfyhij
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 0:42, Reply)

Guilty Pleasure
My guilty pleasure is answering a QOTW three years and a bit late.
(Soulman87, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 0:39, Reply)

TV Guide
A random combination of programming and name-abbreviation which was bound to occur sooner or later:



It was, of course "The Hairy Biker's Cookbook" followed by "Fanny Craddock". But strangely, I'm not thinking of food, right now.

[edit] Ha! I've just realised that, without the "The", Good Food + 1 would be showing "Nigella's Hairy Fanny"!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 0:18, 4 replies)

Many moons ago....as an eighteen-year-old lad
A randomer approached me to say "I've seen bigger chests on a Robin" and then walked away. Fucker!
(El_diablo_blanco, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 0:12, 3 replies)

World of Random? More like world of cock
Warning: This is very tenuously linked into this QOTW and has extreme lack of funnies but I heard this story tonight from someone I work with and think it deserves it's place....

A good few years ago (circa 1980's), my work mates mum died of cancer, which the local NHS Hospital didn't have the facilities to diagnose in time before it could be operated on.

Not one to fuck about, my mate ran the London Marathon and (along with several other fund raisers) was able to buy this hospital a million pound scanner so that others could be diagnosed quicker.

"Oh" says Mr Hospital Chief cnut bureaucrat, "thanks for buying this million pound scanner, but it will sit in the corner gathering dust, as we can't afford to pay for the 3 nurses to operate it".

So my mate (and plenty others) bust their guts (another marathon etc) to provide the money for the nurses to operate it.

A couple of years later, the decision is made to close this hospital. What happens to the scanner? Is it transferred to another hospital? is it put to good use?

No. It is scrapped. Scrapped. For junk.

Sorry for lack of funnies but just hearing this story tonight made my blood boil, and at the moment I can't think of anything in the world more random than the NHS scrapping kit more expensive than it could afford to buy, especially when people have slogged their guts out to buy it for them in the first place.
(LargeDoner, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 0:10, 5 replies)

No Entry
Arriving at work one morning, I saw something had been installed at the train station overnight:



I went through it, on principle.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 22 Apr 2011, 0:06, 4 replies)

The Ultimate
Leaving the house one day, I was surprised by a man who walked up to me and said, out of the blue, "Do you love your country?"

It transpired that he was a White Supremacist / Neo Nazi / BNP type of person, drumming up support for his cause. But the thing that really struck me was that he was quite clearly an albino.

He probably looked down on blond, blue-eyed aryans as being suspiciously dusky...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 23:53, Reply)

Picture the scene
A balmy spring morning in the early 1990s, and a young Costas is sitting in an A-Level Physics lesson. Our teacher is explaining the laws of thermodynamics, heat engines and so forth. Suddenly, he realises that he's left an essential piece of equipment in the storeroom, and so instructs the class to read the next page of the textbook while he dashes down the corridor to fetch it.

We sit reading intently as his footsteps fade into the distance and the rooms falls silent.

Ten seconds later, we hear more footsteps. At the door, a gaggle of seven or eight Japanese businessmen appear. They stand in the doorway, chattering away, have a quick glance around the classroom, take a few photos, then shuffle off.

Thirty seconds later, the teacher returns with his equipment.

We never spoke of our visitors.
(costas, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 23:44, 2 replies)

Feeling fuelish
I filled up my Land Rover's tank with umpteen litres of God's finest "diseasel" in a petrol station near Kidlington and went in to pay.

I thought for a second I was going deaf because I could have sworn that the cashier said "What colour face flannel would you like?"

"Errm pardon??" I said. The cashier replied "What colour face flannel would you like - you get one free with each purchase of fuel!"

So I wasn't going deaf, but it was so random at the time.
( Vambo, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 22:37, Reply)

b3ta virgin...be nice please
Picture the scene; Reading music festival, 2004, I think, 2 or 3 days in, around one of the main campsite areas.

The toilet facilities at these events are the stuff of nightmares, truly something to avoid if you have the choice.

Now, after several days of bad burgers, excessive alcohol and energetic entertainments one could no longer avoid the plague pits. The time had come to venture forth and experience, the terror.
Now I dare say what I found barely needs explaining, i'm sure most of you can imagine. What I wasn't expecting was this.

Two big boot marks, either side of Turd Mountain, made where some dirty wretch had climbed up to the top of the cubicle and written, with his Mark 1 Index Finger, 'Maybe it's because i'm a Londoner'. He then signed his scatological graffiti with a full palm hand print.

Christ only knows how this chap went about getting the remnants from his hands, because there were no basins...
(MrBiscuits, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 22:32, Reply)

Banana car!
One summer evening last year I spotted a man driving a banana. A BANANA.

It was some kind of yellow banana/canoe-shaped car, bowling along at an impressive speed. Just the driver's head was visible, sticking up halfway along the vehicle.

I overtook and sped up so I could stop in a layby and photograph this exceptional vehicle. Alas, it seems to have taken a side road because it didn't pass me and indeed, I never saw it again.

When I drive along that road now I look out for the Banana Car. In fact, I was there tonight, in perfect Banana Car conditions - daylight, a dry road, no other traffic about, camera to hand... zilch.
I live in hope though.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 22:30, 2 replies)

How about this!
I've been 'randomly' selected to win £10,000! All I need to do is give my bank details, card details, PIN and my mother's maiden name and the money's all mine!
( Peapod Has returned to the fold on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 22:29, 5 replies)

Even the chaperone was impressed
Way back when; living in a grotty flat in Camden.

Kate the flatmate and I decide that dropping some acid and going to see the Oxford Street Xmas lights is a fine excuse for an evenings entertainment; having recruited her sister's boyfriend as the straight man the tabs are swallowed and we bimble out of the front door to immediately encounter a Transit full of cowboys (think the 'Good Ole Boys out of the Blues Brothers) looking for the 'Town & Country Club'. Even the boyfriend was impressed at the speed of the acid kicking in.
(baldybeardy, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 22:26, Reply)

Pat. Pend.


1. Fridge containing BEER
2. Freezer containing SPIRITS
3. Plank
4. Pond liner
5. Air space
6. Hole
7. Smaller plank, screwed to first plank
8. Extremely long power cord
9. Socket
10. Battery/petrol powered leafblower
11. On switch
12. String leading to wherever I happen to be


I call it the HOVERFRIDGE.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 22:12, Reply)

On another note
I walked into the shed today and trod on a rake leaning against the wall. It leapt up and spanged me in the side of the head. I thought that only happened in films.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 21:58, 6 replies)

I was on a student ski trip to France in 2009
(BUSC Alpe D'Huez if anyone else was there)

We'd had a great week of sun, snow, drinking and horrific sunburn. By the time part of our convoy of coaches piled onto the ferry back to Dover, most of us had been drinking for the ten hours we had been travelling for, and were in that state of drunkeness and tiredness that only comes from being very tired and very drunk for a solid week beforehand. As I was wandering through the lower decks of the ship I saw a TV showing old Tom and Jerry cartoons and with nothing better to do, I sat down to relive a few memories. I heard a few rustlings behind me but I was surprised, when I turned around, to see over five hundred students watching it with me. Not making a sound nor moving a muscle - just watching intently. And every single one of them was smiling.

It's not the most random or spectacular of things, but I'm happy I was there to see it.
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 21:57, 1 reply)

Slippers
Working in a Dive center (Scuba diving if there's any confusion) You tend to expect people to have a vague idea of what it is that you sell, mostly relating to Scuba diving equipment, however sometimes you get some truly odd calls from people. One that has always stuck in my memory was a phone call I had from an old lady looking for a present for her husband, the conversation went as follows:

Me: Good afternoon [Name of shop] this is Maccy speaking
Old Lady: Oh, hi, I was wondering if you could help me find a present for my husband, it's his 65th birthday this week.
Me: Oh, ok, what exactly is it you were looking for
Old Lady: Well, he's an avid Man Utd. fan
Me: Erm... I don't think we have any Man Utd. Merchandise here, we're a scuba diving shop
Old Lady: Oh, that's ok, I was just wondering if you'd have some Man Utd. Slippers.
Me: Erm, no, nothing like that, as I said, we're a scuba shop
Old Lady: Are you sure you've got nothing like that
Me: Yes, I'm pretty sure.
Old Lady: Oh, ok then, maybe you should think about stocking them
Me: Err... maybe, I'm not sure the boss will think it's a good idea though.
Old Lady: Well, thanks for your time.
-click-

At this point I burst out laughing and my co-worker just looked at me like I was crazy. Fun times though.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Buy one get one free...
Back through the mists of time...

.....wibbly lines and that...

We were headed to a party in the little town where I now live. Both of us about 15, we were standing outside a pub plucking up courage to enter, when out of the evening mists strode two people, both blonde, male and female on long white flowing robes, they strode past us and knocked on a door behind us. The door was opened by a similarly garbed male (long white flowing robes, garland atop the head, staff optional) and they were smilingly bade welcome.

We waited a further five minutes to gird ourselves when a gentleman in full Scots tartan appeared out of the mists, and started to play a haunting lament on his bagpipes. It was early autumn, there was no scottish or druidic reason for this to happen, but we decided to move on to another pub to try our luck, it was feeling a bit weird...

/edit title
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 21:36, 3 replies)

Well it IS rather hot and sunny where we are.....
...so why the hell not should a small skinny man with a teeny tiny tushy wear a teeny tiny mini skirt and carry a parasol?? Our town's full of randoms......
(pussy twaddle performs indiscretions in branches of Millets..., Thu 21 Apr 2011, 21:16, Reply)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raaHTB3zXss
This is my rather extrovert friend, at a festival, dressed as a banana. One day he's in London - again on the way to a rave, and gets on the bus in said suit. He sits down next to another guy, dressed as a banana.
He asks the guy why he's wearing the suit.

"Do you need a reason?" was his reply.
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 21:07, Reply)

Near my old place of work
On my way to the post office to liberate the latest package that customs were trying to slap charges on. The walk through South London was pleasant enough and allowed you to see various items lurking in people's gardens. It was the usual things really; garden furniture, children's toys, vintage Russian tanks -same as anywhere I imagine.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 20:53, 2 replies)

Many moons ago
when I was at school, I was walking down through the playing fields with my mate, minding our own business, when a fellow school pupil approached from the other direction.

As he passed, he suddenly came really close to us, then shouted in our faces, "PUNJAB!"

Then he went on his way. As did we, albeit somewhat bemused.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 20:29, 2 replies)

Earlier this week
Walking back to the office in lovely Redhill, when a fairly merry chap sat outside the pub I was passing (the Sun for any locals reading this) politely called me over, with a cheery,

"Excuse me, mate."

Wondering if perhaps he wanted to know what the time was, I wandered over, at which point, he motioned to the even merrier chap sat opposite him, and said,

"My friend here would like to match your patch."

I was so stunned by this, all I could do was murmer in a slightly high-pitched voice, "b-but, I haven't got a patch," before hotfooting it back to work in something of a daze.

Redhill has a reasonably large number of unusual folk - but this is one of the strangest encounters I've had in the 30-odd years I've lived there. It was entirely unthreatening but equally very strange indeed.
( milkybarnick is calming down Boris on, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 20:23, 3 replies)

random embarrassment
I have a 2 and a half year old daughter who lets out the dirtiest loudest fruitiest farts. These should be released randomly throughout the day. so why does she always choose to let rip when we're on public transport? and why seemingly always within earshot of attractive women? I'm convinced there's a correlation between the attractiveness of the woman and amount of effort and ooomf she puts into the delivery

if you hear a loud fruity rasp and turn around to see a cute as a button toddler in pigtails and polka dot dress sitting next to an unshaven rough around the edges man turning the colour of ripe beetroot. who're you going to blame?

I love her to death but riding the bus with her is nerve racking, the little shit!
( Clay hopes this bit is long enough to promote my websi, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 20:18, 2 replies)

When I was in the first few years of secondary school waiting for the bus in the morning
and old Indian man would every now and then come up to me/us and say either one of two things:
- Mama is waiting, wants to do a shittin'
or
- The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. The chicken lays his eggs in the nest.

Never really thought to talk back, we would just stand and smile politely. Looking back that was pretty darn random.
(MikeyNiv can coin snatch 32 pennies, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 19:21, 2 replies)

Roller-cowboy
Any other long-time Bristol residents remember the stick thin guy who used to roller-skate down Whiteladies Road wearing nothing but speedos, a cowboy hat & pair of kids six guns in holsters?
Fast too...
(grumpypolecat, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 19:21, Reply)

Nine, nine, nine, nine,
nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine.

No way of telling if that's random or not.
(gordonjcp, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 19:14, 3 replies)