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This is a question Crappy relationships

"Recently," Broken Arrow tells us, "The missus informed me that her brother was moving with us." What has your partner done that's convinced you the magic's gone? "Breathe" is not an answer.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 12:33)
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When I got a letter from the CSA (Cnuts)
Sorry for swearing, but if you have had any dealings with them you know that you can't say CSA (Cnuts) without swearing
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 14:59, 97 replies)
Down with people making you take responsibility for your children!

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:05, closed)
I find your reply...
simplistic, ill researched, and sensationalist.

Well done, carry on.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 17:03, closed)
And yet you've managed it twice within a two-line post.
So clearly you can.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:06, closed)
Yep. Mind you,
"C-nuts" sounds like KP have rebranded, to be more "down with da kidz".
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:18, closed)
I just inferred that the CSA is staffed by Anglo-Danish royalty.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:30, closed)
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:38, closed)
You could always just provide for your children, you irresponsible prick.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:11, closed)
You obviously haven't heard the tales of CSA madness
where attempts to amicably support the kids have seemed to be the last thing they take into consideration.

Just what I've heard, I've no direct experience. But people don't climb up parliament dressed as spiderman for a laugh.*

* Well, you know what I mean
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:36, closed)
Right, except someone has to actually get them involved,
and they can only enforce a limited amount of financial support from you. If he'd manned the fuck up and done more than the bare minimum, they wouldn't need to be involved.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:45, closed)
I've got a co-worker whose husband is an IT contractor
currently claiming that he earns £300 a year - as a contractor his "company" earns the money and as its sole shareholder he then pays himself the dividends. From when they were married she knows he's making at least £45K a year.

Despite having this explained to them the CSA is making *her* pay child support to *him* for the weekends when he has them, over and above their losing documents, issuing demands that are in violation of their own rules etc.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 15:59, closed)
I'm entirely struggling to see how most of this is in any way the CSAs fault.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:07, closed)
To be honest I tune most of it out
but I wear my "Really? That's shocking!" face so it's alright.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 11:55, closed)
Right, but what proof does she have that they can actually use to make him pay, other than her saying 'he earns more than that.'
It's his fault, not the CSA's.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:20, closed)

Well, if he's paying dividends, they must be declared and are a matter of public record. The CSA could very easily find this out - doing so would cost them a quid at most.

I appreciate that the above is probably somewhat beyond your usual modus operandi, and fair play for attempting to take part - but given your depressing lack of knowledge and empathy, you should probably stick to your comfort-zone of calling people 'wankers'. Leave the thinking to others.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 17:44, closed)

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 16:53, closed)

Nope, just pointing out that you're a charmless thicky.

Also, 'pseudo-intellectual' is hyphenated.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:11, closed)
Oh, well that's me told.

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:54, closed)
You're not swearing.
You are writing cnuts, which is not a swear. Though it is very similar to CUNTS, which is a proper swear word. Only cunts use cnuts.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:03, closed)
Hahaha ha ha.
You dropped this- 'e'.
[edit] and used your nijaediting skills to make this post redundant.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:16, closed)
if you were a grown-up you would have made arrangements to support your offspring without the CSA needing to be involved.
they don't have a watchlist of all parents in the UK, ready to spring into action if they split up. my ex has been happily paying maintenance for our daughter for 6 years and we HATED each other when we split up.

it's not about you, or her, or the money. it's about CHILDREN.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:10, closed)
Let's face it...

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:20, closed)
Christ, what a massive wanker.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:24, closed)
Bloody hell, I think I've seen him hanging around our local primary school.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:37, closed)
Edit: Awww, it's gone. Wait, no, here it is:

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:39, closed)
oh god no.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:47, closed)
That hat is fucking awesome
Never let anyone tell you otherwise
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 21:54, closed)
As a guy you do not get an option.
If she chooses to go to the CSA they are involved. End of.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 18:19, closed)
See below,
I was paying more than she was "entittled too" she just thought she could get more! so I did make arrangements as you put it.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:01, closed)
have you gone away now?
what's the flouncedown to thread deletion? T-20 minutes and counting...
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 16:48, closed)
I suspect someone who has that ^ pic in their profile really doesn't give a shit what people think

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 17:44, closed)

has that ^ pic in their profile
is so proud of not wanting to support his children
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 20:34, closed)

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:14, closed)

Ah, Baldmonkey... not the best in the field of reading comprehension, but utterly fucking reliable with unwarranted bile.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 2:25, closed)
Sorry, some of us have jobs in order to meet our obligations to our kids and not just leave it to the state

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 18:24, closed)
oh, right. my bad. please, continue to assume that I'm a lazy feckless single mother.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 19:14, closed)
I make no such assumption.
just because I don't spend all day watching the board doesn't mean I have flounced off! and using the expression "my bad" does not make you sound cool or intelligent. it makes me think you have no knowledge of syntex or sentence construction.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:03, closed)
At least she can spell, you massive wanker.

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 10:47, closed)

Top White Knighting here. Maybe you'll get 'lucky'.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 18:21, closed)
Top ironying here.
Well played.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:04, closed)
It would be, were it remotely ironic.
If you're implying that I'm White Knighting whilst accusing someone else of doing the same, that would be hypocrisy - not irony.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:40, closed)
That's the irony.
Lol upset at the internet.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:41, closed)
Nope, that's not it, either.
What makes you think I'm remotely upset?
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:45, closed)
You're complaining a lot for someone who isn't upset.
About something that's not even related to you, no less.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:49, closed)

I'm not complaining in the slightest - I've not asked anyone to stop doing anything, or suggested that they shouldn't be doing it. I'm simply making an occasional observation.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:53, closed)
i would point out the irony of your response but it would undoubtedly be lost on you.
why not expend some of your internet rage on resolving your personal situation? i hear 'outside' is nice at this time of year.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:28, closed)
what a brilliant idea
exactly how would you resolve the "Situation"?
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:41, closed)
oh, you know. man up, get a solicitor who specialises in family law.
i'm just spitballing here.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 16:39, closed)
Gosh, never thought of that
you clearly have no idea what you are talking about. I did have a solicitor who specialised in Family law. so did she, the difference is you paid for hers
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 23:10, closed)

No point applying reason - what we have here is an honest-to-goodness cuntshower. Someone linked you in /talk, and all the more undesirable elements clubbed together, got a bit brave, and came over en masse to fling shit in every available direction. It's really nothing new, and nothing personal. They do it all the time, apparently without realising that they've actually become a ridiculous parody of themselves.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 1:40, closed)
I wondered why it had become so popular
thanks for posting a reasonable response
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 12:40, closed)
how is it "brave" to call you worthless piles of shit cunts?

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 16:50, closed)
Wobble wobble wobble.

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 16:54, closed)

back to form, I see.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:12, closed)
i just did a poo into my hand
wanna see?
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:23, closed)

In a sense I already have, given that your posts are shit and I've seen those.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:27, closed)
That is not a very nice thing to say!!!!!!

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:37, closed)

Quite possibly not.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:40, closed)
Then why would you say that?
That seems not nice to deliberately say a not nice thing, how horrid.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:43, closed)
Muuuum the internet said naughty words
Come turn it off I'm getting upset :(((((((((((
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 18:04, closed)

(, Sun 24 Oct 2010, 17:07, closed)
i like you

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 18:27, closed)

I honestly didn't think I'd ever find a more worthless definition of 'irony' than that provided by Alanis Morissette, but you've really lowered the bar here. Well done.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 2:09, closed)
you really are a preposterous cunt

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 16:49, closed)

Well, jeez, Janet... Let's work through the points here.

Single mother... check.

Lazy and feckless? check. You get the 'feckless' part for losing your job due to boshing drugs, and the 'lazy' part for not leaving your flat for six months in a row.

As for your overweening arrogance in assuming that the OP was referring to you, rather than his estranged other half - we'll leave that for another day...
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 1:47, closed)
oh dear.
the drugs thing was over 15 years ago. And I'm happily married now, thank you. don't let me spoil your crusade though. do carry on.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 9:56, closed)

And you've been so good in the past about overlooking people's previous indiscretions, with your happy-go-lucky, live-and-let-live attitude. Nothing like a nice bit of hypocrisy...

(nice to see a HMHB reference, though)
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 12:13, closed)
oh, i'm such a contradiction.
(thanks - rebuying that CD this week)

oh, sorry - i forgot to call you a cunt. you cunt
(, Sun 24 Oct 2010, 16:35, closed)
Fuck the lot of you
I have absolutely no problem paying for my kids. what I object to is the total imbalance imposed upon me by the CSA. I have no option but to pay whatever they decide I should pay. and there is no right of appeal. they take no account of the £80,000 the bitch stole from me, and absolutely no account of the fact she stops me seeing my children when ever she wants. we split up 11 years ago, and still she threatens me with "if you don't do what I tell you you wont see the kids."

The real problem posed by the CSA is the imbalance it created. in the past if guy didn't pay he didn't see his kids. if she stopped him seeing the kids he could refuse to pay. and both parties had the same recourse. Court. now guy has to pay no matter what. don't pay and they can go to your company and just take your money, and charge you for the privaledge. if she stops you seeing the kids the only thing you can do is go to court. I spent over £12,000 trying to force her to be reasonable. Money down the drain. the courts have no teeth, if she doesn't comply with the court order all I can do is go back to court and ask the court to tell her to. If she doesn't I can go back to court... Etc etc etc. I know people who have done this for years. Ultimately I ran out of money. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs, allbecause of her. And you are paying her legal fees and her housing. why shouldn't she go back to court every time? You can afford it
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 18:17, closed)
"I spent over £12,000 trying to force her to be reasonable"
There's part of the problem, bud. What makes you think that dragging her through the courts will "make her be reasonable"? Shame that 2 people can't act like adults, but that's life - ask Esther Rantzen.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 18:33, closed)
My partner is being fucked over by the CSA too
The CSA are a bunch of low lifes, they claim to be operating in the interest of the child, but when they will allow one very bitter and nasty parent to have full control over the life of the other parent, they show how morally corrupt they really are.

We are denied access, have no money to take it to court and are told that this is simply because the child no longer wishes to have anything to do with us. I am watching my partners heart being broken and there is nothing I can do. All the CSA say is that her payments must go up.

Where is that justice for the child? The system is flawed and revolting.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 19:06, closed)
What about the cases where the CSA works absolutely perfectly for both parties involved?
I'm amazed you think the department is "morally corrupt". A department that is designed to ensure the children of broken homes in this country are well-fed and housed, and in the most part succeeds. Fuck me, it almost sounds like you'd rather the CSA didn't exist and all single parents generally struggled like fuck and lived entirely off the state, or fought over money AS WELL AS access to the kids involved.

I have paid thousands out to my ex over the years. Now I'm a single father with absolutely no contribution from the mother (because I don't ask for one), I earn less than minimum wage but I work my hours and and we get by, mostly because I'm an adult and I can handle my shit. People who whinge about this get right on my tits because it's always the other person's fault, it's always the other party who's a bitch or the system that's broken. Take some responsibility, man the fuck up and get on with it. If it's destroying your life, go to Citizen's Advice, your solicitor, mediation, litigation or counselling, whatever it takes to come to terms with where your life is now. Don't sit in front of the screen bitching about it here.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 20:08, closed)
I DO pay for my kids, over and above what the CSA (cnuts) would have me pay. I see my kids very frequently - it would kill me just to be a weekend dad. They need for nothing.
However, a friend of mine, who also loves his kids to bits, and also paid well over the odds, way and above what the CSA would have him pay has a psycho ex-misses - she's constantly using the kids as a weapon against him, constantly planning the weekends he has with his kids for him (and his girlfriend), and now, finally, as he wouldn't do exactly as she told him (some 8 years after their break up), the CSA have been called in by her. I heard the recorded messages from her and the violent, screaming, abusive texts.
....Now the CSA are involved, the fuckups start. Lost documents, huge demands for cash from him despite his having receipts for the payments made in the past. Lies about his earnings (from her), and the CSA believing her, despite (now lost) payslips being presented to them. The amount they expect him to pay would leave a negative amount, meaning if he were to pay it, he wouldn't be able to get to work, pay for a roof over his head etc... The CSA's answer to this, when he explained? Get a loan.
They have now instructed her to not let him see the kids until he pays up!!??? How the f*** has ANYONE got the right to say that?
No, I thought the CSA stories were a pile of crap before I witnessed this.
You, OP, have my sympathy....unless you are a workshy cnut who simply won't take responsibility, in which case, you don't.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 19:37, closed)
I agree about the CSA, and I'm a bint.
When I was getting divorced I couldn't get Legal Aid (without which I couldn't have got anywhere) unless I co-operated with the CSA.

I gave them the ex's full name, address and NI insurance number and the name and address of his employer, the local Education Authority. As he was a teacher (and with all that information) he should have been easy to contact.

A few weeks later, I had a phone call telling me that as they'd been unable to track him down they were closing the case.

(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 19:47, closed)
I find only having children with a woman I intend to stay with helps a lot.
It wasn't that difficult.

Of course, you could try not being an utterly shit human being in the future. I mean, you can't change the fact that you have been a prick up until this point, but you can decide to stop being a prick now and face up to the mess you've made of your life, your children's lives and their mother's life.

And don't bother slagging her off. If she's a terrible person, you shouldn't have fucked her.
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 20:31, closed)
What's with all the cnut-cunt business?
Is everyone here a prick?
(, Thu 21 Oct 2010, 21:35, closed)
Yeah, we try to keep them contained within /questions though.

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 6:00, closed)
We're all a bunch of pircks.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 17:06, closed)
"you can decide to stop being a prick"
you're clearly not speaking from experience here.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:58, closed)
For the record
I was paying for my kids, when the CSA got involved they wanted about 1/3rd what I had been paying. I continued to pay more. Until the ex stopped me seeing the kids out of revnge for the simple fact that I had left her. as for the comment above that I shouldn't have dragged her through the courts and should hav behaved like an adult, mate, get a life. I did have kids with someone that I intended to spend the rest of my life with. but circumstances changed. to cut a long story short, and when cash and possessions became all she thought about, I eventually decided enough was enough.

"Of course, you could try not being an utterly shit human being in the future. I mean, you can't change the fact that you have been a prick up until this point, but you can decide to stop being a prick now and face up to the mess you've made of your life, your children's lives and their mother's life." why do you assume I am a shit human being? all I have ever tried to do was what's best for my kids, and that included the decission to leave, I felt, and still do feel, that that was best for them. I have never refused to pay what I have been asked, I usually offer towards Christmas presents and school uniforms. I chip in with cash whenever it is appropriate. so why do you think I'm a shit human being? as for me making amess of my children's lives, all I wanted was to be involved in their lives, and the only way I could do that was to go to court to get access!

Most people here seem to assume that I am worthless because my marriage failed, thanks for that.

The cruel fact is that the old system worked better. Single mothers were not abandoned to fend for themselves, they received benfits, just as they do now. the huge difference was that there was a balance. if the guy didn't pay, she could with hold access. If she with held access he could with hold paymnet. the huge problem with the CSA (Cunts) is that they removed this balance. I admit it was not perfect but it worked better than the current system. Now if parent with care with holds access the only option is court. I know of one case where a guy took his ex to court 47 times. all the court can do is ask her to be reasonable. if she nods her head and goes away from court she can just carry on as before. there is too much power in one parties hands.

the other problem is that the CSA (Cunts) are beyond beleif at how inefficient they are. for a simple example last year my assesment was that I had to pay £450 a month on the 22nd. I explained that I get paid on the 25th, so could they do the collection on the 27th (to allow for weekends etc). no problem they said. in that case it will be £425 a month. dispite all my arguemnts and letters they could /would not accept that they were wrong. so I paid £425. I also Paid other monies direct, in excess of the Addditonal £25. about six months ago the CSA (cunts) phoned me and told me I had been paying the wrong amount and I now had to pay them an additional £200 immediately. If I refused or was unable to pay immediately they would approach my employer and take the money out of my next salary
and charge me for the privaledge. As an aside to that story after I had agreed for them to take the payment on the 27th they continued to try to take it on the 22nd. because I didn't have the money, because it was just before payday, and they had told me they would do it on the 27th, I got hit hit by bank charges for returned payments and the ex didn't get her money. when I asked the CSA why they were taking payment on 22nd not 27th they said "well we can take it up to 5 days before. so we did" they fuck up and take too little money, ooh, I get pay the difference. they fuck up and charge me too much? tough shit you should have checked the calculation.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 9:44, closed)
So, you're sulking because you want to see your children but not actually provide for them?

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 11:59, closed)
trying reading what I have put.

I do pay, always have paid and will continue to pay. even while being denied access. and more than the CSA (cunts) say I should. and before the CSA (cunts) were involved I was paying. in fact I was paying around £1,000 a month for them. was never a bone of contention. the former Mrs strokes thought she could get more on top of that so went to the CSA (cunts). who said I should be paying around £250. which I pay, plus I pay towards other stuff as well.
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:16, closed)
Mate, I tried reading what you've put, but it doesn't half go on.

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 12:56, closed)
Sorry 'bout that

(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 14:08, closed)
From the CSA website...
"In the 12 months to June 2010 we received 23,600 complaints. This is a reduction of 12.5% on the previous year, when we received just below 27,000 complaints."

23'600 complaints. Are you going to assume that they're all in error - that the CSA is a bastion of benevolence and efficiency which can do no wrong? Or is there any chance that a fair number of grievances with the CSA - quite possibly including the OP's, who has stated quite clearly that he's happy to pay his share - might well be justified?

Not that it matters, of course, given that you're only really here to be a dick. Why worry about little things like factual accuracy?
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:10, closed)
I'm surpised it's only 23,600
having spoken to some of the staff there, and there are some that do all they can to help, as well as some who do the opposite and some that simply don't care, they have told me that ALL of their adjustments are wrong. that everyone should complain. unfortunately whenever I find someone there who is helpful and does a good job they seem to elave. I wonder why. (and yes, it probably is my fault)
(, Fri 22 Oct 2010, 15:44, closed)

Some will, some won't. As with most large institutions, they don't pay a great deal to the rank and file, and accordingly, do not attract the best and brightest. You'll mainly be dealing with the remedial subsection of lower-tier jobseekers. You'll get the odd nice one - the law of averages demands as much - but in the main, you'll be met with incompetence, bureaucracy, and disinterest.

Aside from which - you shouldn't have had to put up with this bunch of workshy failures making fun of your problems. If you're doing the best you can for your kids, despite the difficult circumstances - good luck to you.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 2:35, closed)
Also, to be fair they have been put in an horrendous position, working for a government department that every one hates with an inefficient system. they have to talk to hundreds of people each day who are probably at the lowest point in their lives. and deal with people who are being stopped from seeing their kids. so any of them that half a brain leave, you'd have to be some sort of sadist to enjoy that job.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 12:13, closed)

Mrs vinegar strokes here, been reading this barrage of shite, just to make things clear, this is a man that provides for his kids, quite happily, went to court for the simple reason the ex wouldn't let him see them despite trying to be amicable. Some dads walk away. I was beaten by my ex, ended up walking away, with the kids, lived in a hostel before finding somewhere to rent. My ex has paid £20 in 18 months towars upkeep for the kids. Plus his visits are intemittent.
Relationships flounder, and fizzle out, doesn't make you a bad person, makes you human. If you are an adult, you make things as smooth as you can.

Vinegar strokes went to court as a last resort-either that, or his ex wouldn't let him see kids as he dared to leave. As for money, he has no worries about paying support. He takes them on holiday once a year, takes them all out each fornight, cinema, meal, etc, anything they need, he buys. Csa, have taken money when they shouldn't. Taken different amounts from what they've said, miscalculated, left him with bank charges, etc.

Believe me, I know bad dads, this is not a bad dad. This is just someone who is pointing out the failures of this government agency. I'm stumped if i can see where he has said he doesn't want to support his kids?
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 12:23, closed)
You do realise you're trying to justify yourself and your fella to a board full of trolls, don't you?

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 15:45, closed)
I do
But I thought some of the users here were better than just attacking everyone for everything. Some people ought to go back to 4Chan.

PS Mrs Strokes has fucked off back to Sicki
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 16:40, closed)
my question would be
why are YOU worried about factual accuracy when you know that he doesn't give two shits and is only here to wind you lot up?
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 16:54, closed)

I'm not in the least bit worried.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:42, closed)
well yes obviously it is a turn of phrase, i do not think that you are actually having a panic attack or anything

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:43, closed)
That's good
I wouldn't want you to worry.
(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:54, closed)
you are very caring

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:55, closed)
Your a cunt.

(, Sat 23 Oct 2010, 17:17, closed)

I think we can close b3ta now - this interesting, pithy, perfectly-punctuated retort has rendered all further postings pointless.
(, Sun 24 Oct 2010, 1:17, closed)

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