#2
working for a well known london advertising agency owned by two brothers. i had a habit of turning up late, partly because my daily commute from the sticks took roughly an hour and a half, due to the traffic between my house, and the nearest train station.

anyway, they tollerated this, as i was fairly good at what i did, and was fairly cheap (25k, compared to the other developers at 40k)

i was looking to get out ASAP, mainly due to the project managers inability to, well, manage. plus a few other factors, such as recieving 2am phonecalls from afore-mentioned managers, telling me to be in at 8am (tae fuck!), but i figured id bear with the place, as it'd look good on my cv if i had a few months there.

at the end of october, id acrued a weeks holiday, which i decided to redeem to go visit my family in north wales.


on the thursday before my holida, the entire company was called in to watch a showreel for one of our biggest clients (a well known BRITISH AIRline), as we'd just lost their contract to a rival agency, and they wanted to boost moral by showing a "we've done this before, we can do it again" type thing.

i drove up on the monday, relieved to be heading in the opposite direction of all the traffic, and found myself getting more relaxed the further north i headed.

tuesday morning, sun shining, fresh mountain air, and i feel great. until 11am, when i get a phonecall from the agency that placed me at my job. i was being made 'redundant', by telephone, from 300 miles away, by someone who had been 'authorised' to do so.

arse.

plus side of all this was that i got 2 weeks garden leave, and didnt have to rush back to work for the following monday. in fact, no sooner was i back in essex, than i was heading off again, this time to see the (now ex) girlfriend, and spend a dirty long weekend in a B&B on the south coast.

mind you, since then, it's all gone to shit, but ho-hum, hopefully my birthday this weekend will help remove my glum
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 21:24, Reply)

3 times and countng...
ok first time i got sacked was from a pub cos one of the workers complained i didnt clean the ash trays. id like to clear the air now.... she had stood well into my shifts end flirting with a guy at the bar and proceeded to knock over a full pint which she dutifully told me 'clean it up im talking' i cleaned it up and realising i had been waiting 20 mins for her to get to work, i left the bar and went home, she then rang the boss and told him id not done my work, stupid little tart.
number 2) after getting paid shit wages, having my ass smacked, lewd comments and general harrassment... i was pulled into the office and fired for not going on a 2 day conference with the boss alone sayign in a hotel... i was fired.
number3) i was fired from my last job because after having a crash on my lovely bike in november i was told it was the job or my bike as it was an eyesore all covered in tape and falling apart in the carpark as the other workers were all driving porches and jaguars.... i took my bike, and i would do again and again and again.

i think boss's are too unfair these days, im very upset i think they have all been very out of order. *rant over*
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Thu 23 Feb 2006, 21:17, Reply)

#1
at the tender age of 14, i was fired for not turning up to my saturday job at the greengrocers. my reason? i was in hospital with a broken arm.

'no worries' thought i, all i did was wash the display trays, and i'd done them all the previous week, which meant there was enough clean to last a fortnight.

a few days later, when i turned up to explain my absence, i was told that it didnt matter, as he'd given someone else my job on the wednesday before, and was going to tell me when i turned up.

my biggest mistake was probably asking him why he did. i asked him as politely as possible (seeing how i wasnt that bothered, it was a dull job anyway, and only paid a tenner for a days work), at which the cunt GRABBED ME BY THE FUCKING THROAT! (hard) and started calling me a "nosy little cunt"

in shock, i wandered home, and my cousin noticed i had marks on my neck, and asked what had happened. i explained as best i could, considering the shaking and stuttering.

at that, my cousin (9 years older than me, muscular, skinhead, but only 5'5") takes a wander up to the shop, and quietly mentions to my (ex) boss that by attacking me, he would retaliate, and strike him back in the hardest way he knew. boss (6'2", ginger) laughed at him, and replied "ha, that i'd like to see, little man! come on then, do your worst!".

my cousin's response? he walked out of the shop, turned left in to the police station, then told the story of events to everyone he knew. we live in a fairly small town, so word travels fast, and before long, most people knew about it. A majority of these people decided not to take their custom to a 'child-beating psychopath', instead opting for the less-convenient, but better priced, supermarket down the road.

6 months later, and the boss sells the business, due to a 'downturn in trade'. i hear the new management are a lovely couple, and their shop is doing very well.
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 21:09, Reply)

Never been sacked
Not to say that I should not have been. I've had sex (thrice) at work at my desk, done coke (twice) at my desk, drank multiple beers--and by multiple I mean excessive--at my desk. I LOVE my job! Quit your bitching and enjoy your workspace, I say!
(ez_e, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 20:53, Reply)

Never been sacked
But I did get a written warning for burping and farting too much.
(rymix, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 20:47, Reply)

I used to work for the Securitas depot in Kent...
...until I got sacked.

I thought I'd get them back by robbing them of all their money. I'm now 40 million quid richer!!! Who's laughing now, eh?

Oop, one moment...someone's knocking very hard at the door. I'll be right bavsdisjoijreheousodridpopdop[s=======--00
(widdy, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 20:41, Reply)

That aint a monkey...
You must be so proud.
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 20:27, Reply)

Innocence
Oh Christ I'm so boring compared to these!!

And I have enjoyed meals at fast food establishments without fear of the fillings.
(tootlepip, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 20:05, Reply)

not really the model employee
ive not bin sacked yet first job after school. i turn up late do fuck all. im allocated an hour break for the whole day i have 2 hour breaks. i leave early turn up drunk steal things lots of things. i get paid to go to college but spend the college days down the pub with my buddies. i take lots and lots of sick days (most fridays). also make a bit on the side dealing to collegues. also commit allot of vandalism and violate allot of health and safety laws. still get a payrise and a bonus every april. sweet
(fwack bang on it, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 20:03, Reply)

Mayonnaise Revenge
My only sacking came at my first job, as a salad monkey at a well-known McRestaurant in Northampton. The manager was a vicious type, and seemed to delight in giving me any number of ludicrous tasks. After spending one afternoon clinging precariously to the roof of the building cleaning the outside of the skylight above the staff changing room (see what I mean?), I was summoned for another duty, this time to clean out the dirt from between the tiles on the restaurant floor. When I asked for a bucket and mop, he grinned and handed me a toothbrush.

Unwilling to face this humilation, I grabbed the nearest thing (the mayonnaise gun), and shot him in the face. Wiping the creamy discharge away, he screamed that I was fired. "Fine", I shouted back, "I'll go get a job at Wimpey", as if this carried some kind of threat.

And that was that. I walked.
( Fraser has joined the Moomins., Thu 23 Feb 2006, 19:56, Reply)

Stealing pound coins.
I got binned from a firm for stealing money from the petty cash. I was 17 and working as a clerk/get the fucking coffes cunt. I had to count up the whole firms cash which took fucking hours.

So me being a gypo i used to insert pound coins into my sarnies (so they wouldnt rattle around in me lunch box) I could get about £90 pound a pop. I did this for months and took huge lunch breaks. I masterbated every hour or so in the bogs.

The accountant got wise to my thieving but couldnt proove it. I got the sack anyway they said i was taking the piss with my long lunch breaks. They asked me if i could work until the end of the day and if so i would get £100 on top of my wages (an audit was on) I went for a wank and came all over the black rimmed bog seat and fucked of with my £90 in coins stuffed in my sarnies.

Doing great now :)
(Uk-Mule, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 19:50, Reply)

Always read the sign
Left a good electronics sales job for a bit of excitement, i.e. telecoms company needing transmitter masts hauled to the top of muddy hillsides in a Discovery 4x4, pegged down boy-scout style and telescoped up to 45 metres tall. then drove round the perimiter of the cell it was supposed to be servicing listening to talking books being broadcast over the transmitters' 1.8606 GHz and logging when it 'dropped'.

One evening my gran was taken to hospital after a stroke and I had no car to get to the out-of-the-way hospital some 20 miles away. could I borrow the survey vehicle overnight?

Yes.

No incident.

The next night, I assumed it was OK, so took said vehicle again. On the way back from seeing poor old gran, decided to call into Tesco on the way back. Ah, what's this? A height restricted entrance? 6 feet?

(Checks inside of sun visor for Maximum Height of Vehicle...185cm...erm, that's 6 foot).

O-kay...take it slowly.......

KRUNCH.

I'd forgotten about the active antenna bolted to the roof of the Disco to pick up the pre-GPS positioning radio signal. Actual vehicle height- 7'1". The threaded base transmitted all of the force through to the roof panel and put a crease along the length of the roofline.

The next day I returned to work, I went straight in and fixed the aerial with a replacement and got out to do the day's work with my engineer. Came clean to him. Heard nothing all day, hoped I had gotten away with it, or at least only in line for a bollocking.

Nope.

Got back to base in Small Heath, Brum, and was summoned. Sneaky Nigel, the cunt, grassed on me, so I didn't have the emollient 'well it didn't stop work for the day' as a riposte, as the boss, Oakman, had been saving up his speech since 8AM and would not be deterred from enjoying delivering every last syllable.

Shit. This single incident was the tipping point that ended up with my life being incredibly difficult, poor, unhappy and unfulfilled for the next 7 years.

However, I'm now doing OK, thank you very much, and would probably not have striven to improve myself if I hadn't have had to put up with shit. Now I am the envy of the me that used to sell electronics to nerds, geeks and model train enthusiasts.

But you're still a bastard, Oakman.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 23 Feb 2006, 19:37, Reply)

my first full-time job...
i used to clock out for lunch, buy my sarnies, clock back in 15 minutes later and then sit in the canteen for an hour and a half!... everyday for about 9 months.

also, in the same job, i used to go to the toilets and have a half hour power-nap on the bog in the afternoons...

and then there was the time that i took a gram of coke into work (same place again) did a line in the toilets, worked like a man possessed, then managed to loose the rest!... i spent the rest of the day in a state of intense paranoia!

...aaaaand the flexi-time meant i'd turn up late and leave early!

And they had the cheek to sack me!

bastards!
(A Hospital Carpark, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 19:20, Reply)

I was "let go" from a club I worked in as a
lighting and laser programmer... as the new DJ coming in had his own "team" of "professional people"

Right.

His "team" were 2 wankers who I had spotted watching me work (and who had been asking rather too many questions for mere anoraks) and they thought all they had to do was "push a few buttons"

Well... yes, if they had not been so stupid to have been seen by me in the previous weeks I may not have wiped all the memories of all the controllers and took the backup discs home with me, (my discs - my work - so my property) leaving them to work out how everything worked. I even reset all the graphics and limiters on the sound system. (no physical damage you understand, I was not that sort of person)

Fucking amateurs.

They were told to get the bloke who installed the gear to give them the instruction manuals, and/or ask him to teach them how to work the controllers. Pity them when they found out it was a good mate of mine, who promptly told them the only person in this area qualified to program the laser desk was me, and the only person in Ireland (at that time) who could program the computer was also me.

The cabbage patch kids could not even work out how to switch the bloody power on, let alone use the controllers

I was back in 2 weeks later on a higher wage and with fewer hours.
( TBL I posted this on, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 19:18, Reply)

Ways to get sacked
This is a story of a mate of mine, Paul, who went to work in the USA. He was working as an IT techie in an insurance company in Philadelphia and had been there for 4 or 5 years when his manager called a team meeting.

The meeting was one of these "Yay, I love this job" kind of meetings around a large table in a boardroom. Paul's boss, after some team motivational speaking etc asked for staff to tell him how they felt about working for him. They took turns, round the table in sequence, to express their deeply felt joy at having a job.

However, when it got to Paul, the only "Limey" in the office, he uttered the never-to-be-forgotten phrase... "I FUCKING HATE this job" with as much sincere venom as he could muster.

The meeting went quiet. He was sacked later that week.

"Down-sizing".

Apparently...
(Cockffeiriad, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 19:01, Reply)

InfiniteZenMaster
I got stitched up by a bastard manager in the Civil Service too. Same thing - writing his own minutes to our one-to-one meetings as he tried to wrangle his way into getting rid of me. I resigned in the end. Why fight for a job with this arsehole? Should've sued them really. I'd have made a bomb AND the papers!

*story intentionally vague to protect me!*
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:57, Reply)

Too many times to remember them all
1999: Got sacked from a crappy ISP. No reason given, just arrived Monday morning and two of us were told to clear our desks. By a strange coincidence we both had new jobs and were only coming in to resign. Did bad things to one of their client websites. Very bad things. They were pissed.

2001: Half-sacked from, half-quit a crappy web development company. Waited 4 years while they went bust then bought their domain name and sat back laughing. God I'm a nasty vindictive bastard sometimes.
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:56, Reply)

my red swingline stapler
i worked as a technician at my college's student center - setting up sound systems, lighting, and powerpoint presentations for corporate clients that rent out space that actual students might otherwise be using.
most crap job ever.
none of the students had gotten a raise in years, and we started murmuring loudly about quitting en masse. to appease us (???), one of the bosses gave a handful of people raises. i was not included in this handful, and when i asked, boss-man told me that i did not recieve a raise "because of factors." hmm?
but how was i sacked, you ask? remember Milton, from Office Space, who is not fired, just moved to the basement and not given a piece of cake at the office party? yeah.
they stopped sending me emails about scheduling meetings. they took me off the contact sheet. the final blow was when i came in with a student group inquiring about using the center's theater to put on a play. i offered to serve as the tech on duty for free (paying them can get expensive) and i was told that i couldn't, as they "really needed to use someone who was on payroll..."
watermelons, the both of them.
(tinyninja, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:52, Reply)

And then there was the time...
...that I was fired from a convenience store. I was hired to do maintenance, but was railroaded into being a cashier against my will. I got sacked because something like $250 worth of lottery tickets came up missing from my till. Thinking back on it afterward, I realized it was the other employee on duty at the time, who I'd asked to watch my register while I went and took a healthy shit.

Interestingly enough, about 3 months later they discovered that I was correct, and asked me to come back. I told them exactly where they could put their job.

And to think, they never even noticed all the times I took home cash out of my drawer.
(WillF http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverfischdotnet/, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:50, Reply)

Speaking of telling customers off...
I was once fired from a Pizza Hut for telling a customer to "bite me" over the phone, after 15 minutes of being called every name in the book.
(WillF http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverfischdotnet/, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:45, Reply)

Sacked like a potato
Last year I got a call from the agency I was going through as they had an opening for a position in a furniture store. I was given an interview where it was determined that since I had just recently moved to town, and had no experience in the furniture business, that I would be a perfect candidate for the job as they were looking for a fresh perspective. Shortly thereafter, I was hired as their Inventory Supervisor. Job duties included: Unloading incoming shipments, placing display items out on the floor, supervising the delivery drivers and the delivery schedule, and keeping track of inventory. Some of the highlights of this job:

1. Dealing with the owner, who would be your best friend until he caught you doing something wrong; at which point he would vent all his frustrations on you at a volume level reserved mostly for airport runways.

2. Dealing with the Store Manager, who would be your best friend and sympathize with you about being yelled at by the owner, then go behind your back and lie about you to the owner, getting you in even more trouble.

3. Attempting to supervise delivery drivers who a) know more about delivering furniture than you do, and b) have no respect for you because they've seen the way the owner and the manager treat you. (See #1 and #2).

4. "Pitching in" to help out with things not in the scope of the job description, like spending a week on the roof of the store in 115 deg. weather (46.1 deg C for the rest of you) repairing the air conditioning system.

5. Doing your best to work with a receiptionist whose attitude was that of a woman on the rag, 100% of the time.

So the contract period came and went, and I mentioned this to the manager, who said he'd check into it. A week later, I reminded him again, and got the same answer. A week after that, I spoke to the manager at the agency I was going through, who said she'd give the Store manager a call. A week after that, I was called into the store manager's office an hour before quitting time, and told that the owner had decided that my position, which had been newly created when I was hired, was not cost-effective and was to be eliminated. I was given the choice of leaving then, or staying the extra hour. Care to guess which option I took?

So that's the injury, and here's the insult: The very next day, my "eliminated" position was listed in the employment section of the local paper. Fucking cunts.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that during my stay there, they regularly asked for my ideas on what they could do to improve the store. I had plenty of ideas, but they were never acted upon for one reason or another. Now that I'm gone, though, I've noticed at least 2 of my ideas have been implemented.
(WillF http://www.flickr.com/photos/silverfischdotnet/, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:40, Reply)

I've never been sacked...
I'm too good at the middling competence to be fired, promoted or otherwise.

Although, I did manage to lose £30K of equipment whilst on work placement. Still didn't get the sack.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:31, Reply)

i got sacked for spending too much time on b3ta.
i feel quite proud of that
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:30, Reply)

Once,
three years ago, and I'm still fucking bitter about it.

I was the senior detailer for a certain auto manufacturer, worked there for 5 years. Then one day after a long and shitty shift I get called into the service writer's office. The shop supervisor didn't even have the balls to sack me himself, so he got his lackey to do it.

The problem? They claimed it was because 'my work wasn't up to par, a customer complained'. Bullshit. I really do wish they'd have told me the real reason why. If 'customer complaints' were grounds for dismissal, then every employee and mechanic would be sacked.

The odd thing though, is that I really should have been sacked about 6 months prior, when I had a really bad month. I had an incident at work that left me with 17 sutures and a half-day off work, then a week later I mangled my foot during a football match, resulting in two weeks leave. The day I got back to work I backed the owner's SUV into a pole, causing quite a bit of damage (however, this wasn't as bad a problem as I had anticipated - that week there were 5 other lot vehicles damaged by employees, and one client's vehicle damaged - mine was just the icing on the cake. But it's not my fault, the pole should've been painted in a high visiblity colour, instead of the same fucking colour as the garage.)
( Hosehead, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:21, Reply)

Never Really Asked to come back
At the tender age of 15 i had a summer job working for a bouncy castle factory. didnt get to test the merchandise, instead they had me copy every name, address and telephone number of EVERY leisure centre in the UK into an Excel spread sheet, the manager was an idiot and could barely find the on button of a PC. so i did, 5 hours a day, 5 days of the week, for 3 weeks. then they asked me to type it all out again into Access, i refused, point blank. went home and they phoned me to say they wouldnt want me back again. gutted? slightly, pay was good and they were some pretty fit women there and they loved me because i was young and impressionable. never mind, im at uni now, firms gone bust - i win
(Jack the sparrow dodger, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:07, Reply)

Gutted

Girlfriend was happily playing with my sacs last Sunday morning. Even a very nice tasting session.

Monday night I was sacked, for no reasonable reason. Gutted.

Lunch tomorrow to find out. I'll certainly make her

The lying, cheating two faced bitch. Next one who does that to me gets put in a sack and thrown in the canal.
(Suck it and Sea, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 18:05, Reply)

ohh another one
Surprisingly NOT fired for telling a customer who was yelling obscenities at me over the phone to "fuck off".

Go figure...
( Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 17:55, Reply)

The Register got me fired
I was working for Sainsbury's to You on the phones taking complaints about late deliveries and I read an article on a phishing scam. I emailed the journo a short piece saying "that's nothing, StY store liaison team phone people up and say 'hi, this is bob from StY. There's been an error taking payment for your shopping, can you give me your credit card details again please' with no security whatsoever'. They published the letter in their weekly letters roundup, helpfully leaving my and the company names in.

The head of the company who ran the website called the head of the callcentre when he read it and I was escorted from the building.

I emailed El Reg and asked them to remove the names (StY asked me to) and they did. I also asked them why they hadn't already and they said "we only remove names if we think someone might get fired". Thanks, good judgement there.
( CowJam, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 17:53, Reply)

So many times...
I have actually been "let go" from every job I've had in one way or another. Whether it being for redundancy, laid off or just plain fired.

The worst one, though, had to be when I was working for a certain "Blockbuster" company hawking videos. I was the Assistant Manager, pretty good at it too. I would stay hours after closing on days the District Manager would visit just to make sure everything was perfect.

I would come in early.. yada yada yada. The Manager was a bit on the bitchy side who used almost every excuse to get me into trouble. One day, I was called in to the office and sacked, quite harshly, for renting a video for my pregnant wife on my account. Total cost was $3.95. I then immediately found a job working for an Advertising Agency where I was salaried and all.

I went back and thanked her for sacking me.
( Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 17:50, Reply)