paedophilia redux
A guy comes home from work to find his girlfriend in a fit of rage trashing all of his belongings, so he asks her whats wrong, she says "someone told me that you're a paedophile" the guy smiles and says, "my my, thats a big word for a twelve year old!"
(tronfunkenblows, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 4:59, Reply)

Several
This makes me feel terrible for being human:

What's the better than fucking a 6-year-old girl?
a. Flipping them around and pretending she's a 6-year-old boy
b. Slicking her hair back and pretending she's a 6-year-old boy

What's better than fucking a 6-year-old boy?
NOTHING.

What's the worst part about fucking a 6-year-old boy?
Getting the blood out of my clownsuit.

How do you make a 6-year-old cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.

What's the best part about fucking an infant?
Hearing the pelvis crack. (this one made me wince)

What do you get when you stab a 5-year-old?
An erection.

And, to end on a happier note:

What's the difference between a dead hooker and a spare tire?
I don't have a spare tire sitting in my trunk.
Variation thereof: What's the difference between a cadillac and a dead hooker?
I don't have a cadillac sitting in my garage.

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion?
a. You don't cry when you're cutting up the hooker.
b. An onion doesn't scream when you peel it away, layer by layer.

Apologies for length.
(Ovum Factory, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 4:52, Reply)

A popular comeback.
The next time somebody asks "want to hear a joke?"

"Women's rights."
(DeadCats, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 4:20, Reply)

I think it's been done, but I'm not sure
What do you do if your dishwasher breaks?
~Hit her until she starts again.

and

What do you say when your wife has two black eyes?
~Nothing. You already told her twice.
(DeadCats, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 4:19, Reply)

Ok last one...an apologies in advance
What do you do if you god downstairs at night and see your TV floating in mid-air?

Shoot the black man.


I'm soooooo sorry!
(Lozhead, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 2:15, Reply)

May have been done.....
A woman passes out after giving birth...

She eventually comes around and a doctor is standing over her...

He says
"I have some good news and some bad news"
The woman replies, "Oh no, what's the bad news"
Dr: "You're son is ginger"
Woman:"What's the good news"
Dr: "He's dead anyway"


sorry sorry sorry!
(Lozhead, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 1:31, Reply)

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walks on the moon...

Michael Jackson shags kids
(Lozhead, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 1:29, Reply)

Why do pill bottles have that bit of cotton wool in the top?
To remind blacks they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.

I'm so sorry!
(Lozhead, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 1:28, Reply)

What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.

...

I'll get me coat.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Mon 13 Sep 2004, 1:24, Reply)

How do you know when your sister is on?
Your dad's cock tastes funny.




Sorry.
(#, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 0:36, Reply)

A man calls the coroner's office
"Can I get a hearse? Me wife just died"
"I'm sorry to hear that. Where do you live?"
"On de corner of Eucalyptus drive."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"...
how bout i just drag her over to elm street an you can pick her up there?"
( AgentMuu hentai coordination, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 0:19, Reply)

OK so this is totally off subject but.....
...the other day at work I spoke to a female customer with the name Swati Vaja,tho the funny names thing has closed I feel it would be remiss of me not to document this for all you b3tans to enjoy.

btw: David Beckhams in a management seminar and in response to a question replies ,'I like them, they make my breath fresh' there is silence in the room after this comment until someone from the back shouts'No you thick Cunt he said Tactics.'

not tasteless but it made me laff.

to the tune of the Addams family,
Your sister is your Mother,
your Father is your Brother
you all sleep with each other
the Barnsley family.

No apologies at all beacuse if you live in Barnsley then you must have done bad things in a previous life. Chavs.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Mon 13 Sep 2004, 0:18, Reply)

Ok, have a racist joke to go with the others...
What do you call 5 mexicans, three black men and one oriental man?

A garden sprinkler.....

Spick-Spick-Spick-Spick-Spick-Chink-Nigger-Nigger-Nigger
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Mon 13 Sep 2004, 0:11, Reply)

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his arse.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 23:36, Reply)

go on then one more while im here...
a blind man goes into a forest... as he goes on he stumbles into a stream and then decides he should feel his way around for a bridge

just as he arrives at the bridge, a bunny rabbit and a skunk dive at him and say

"you can only cross this bridge if you can guess what we are"

he feels the bunny first

"well... you have long ears, long front teeth and a fluffy tail, you must be a rabbit"

then he feels the skunk...

"you've got long greasy hair and you smell... you must be a paki"








a thank you a thank you
(swollensky, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 22:49, Reply)

ok thats been done so another
why cant stevie wonder read?...

...cause he's black
(swollensky, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 21:55, Reply)

1st time ever!
how do you stop a baby from turning in a small corridor?



put a javlin through its skull :)
(swollensky, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 21:52, Reply)

One from Dave Spikey
I checked into a hotel on a business trip and I was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone boxes. I got one called Erogeonique, lovely girl, bending over in the photo, beautiful. So I pick up the card and I ring the number.
"Hello?" the woman says.
"Hi, I hear you do massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me a massage. No fuck that I want sex I want it hard fast and now I'm talking kinky, the whole night, you name it we'll do it. Bring implements, bring toys do the lot, all night, tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in anything. Now how does that sound."
She says, "that sounds fantastic... but for an outside line if you press 9..."
(Chom, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 21:49, Reply)

A joke from my kid sister:
A man wakes up in hospital and asks the doctor what happened.
"I'm afraid you and your family were in a car accident," the doctor tells him.
"Oh God! How's my wife?"
"I'm afraid we had to remove her arms."
"No! She was on the verge of becoming a famous concert pianist. What about my daughter?"
"I'm afraid she has severe brain damage."
"No! She was on her way to Oxford and had one of the best young minds in the country. How's me son?"
"I'm afraid he lost is legs."
"No! He was going to be a footballer. Doctor, please, tell me this isn't true."
"Yeah I'm only joking they're all dead."
(Chom, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 21:30, Reply)

there's one more
A wpman phones up the police and states thats she's been "graped"

The police reply "don't you mean raped"

"No, there was a bunch of them"

/groan

p.s. I've trawled through most of this QOTW, and this may actually be NEW - humble apols if not.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 21:08, Reply)

And another:
What do you do if there's a wounded puppy in your back yard?

Stop laughing and reload!
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 20:49, Reply)

women
what does pms and self defence have in common?
they both cause women to beat the shit out of men for no reason.
(Ginonix, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 20:40, Reply)

Can't be arsed to
check if this has bin dun...


A father is waiting outside the maternity ward when the nurse comes out and ushers him to follow her. She stops just outside the room and says:

"Before we go in, I should warn you - your baby wasn't born normal, he has some serious abnormalities"

"It doesn't matter" he says, "So he's missing a few toes or an arm, he's still my child and I'll love him"

"I'm afraid it's worse than that"

"Okay, so he lives his life in a wheelchair, I'll still love him"

"I'm afraid it's worse than that, perhaps you had better see for yourself"

The two enter the room and on the table is a pair of eyes. The father leans over the table and starts a little wave and smiles at his baby.

"Sir, I'm afraid he's also blind"
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 20:35, Reply)

two that haven't been posted yet!
Jesus walks into a hotel, drops four nails on the table, and says "Put me up for the night."

And another...

A bunch of my mates and I were sitting around in middle school, and we decided that the whole racist joke thing needed to be bumped up a notch. We were actually of all ethnic persuasions, so we were NOT being serious - It was more of an "let's out offend each other game." We decided to come up with our own...

The crowned winner of that contest?

"How can you tell if a black man has a job?

By the whip scars on his back."

/me hangs head in shame
(mysticmcj, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 20:13, Reply)

...
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Rape.
( moonjam, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 19:54, Reply)

repeat? Bah...
What's small, green and won't fit through a door?

A baby with a javelin through it's neck
( moonjam, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 19:50, Reply)

sickest of them all
why is Tony Blair still Prime Minister?
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 12 Sep 2004, 19:25, Reply)

joke
what weighs 7lbs and won't get plucked at christmas?

George Harrisons guitar.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 12 Sep 2004, 19:25, Reply)

anuvver sick 'un
Whats blue and fucks old grannies?

Me in my lucky blue jacket!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Sun 12 Sep 2004, 19:18, Reply)

What's 70 foot long
has 112 legs, no pubic hair and screams?

the front row at a westlife concert
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Sun 12 Sep 2004, 19:11, Reply)