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This is a question Your first cigarette

To be honest, inhaling the fumes from some burning leaves isn't the most natural thing in the world.
Tell us about the first time. Where, when, and who were you trying to show off to?

Or, if you've never tried a cigarette, tell us something interesting on the subject of smoking.

Personally, I've never ever smoked a cigarette. Lung damage from pneumonia put me off.

(, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 18:49)
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This question is now closed.

Fairly recently
I've never actually smoked a ciggie. I did, however, have a couple of spliffs in Amsterdam last year. They were my first (I've only ever eaten space cakes and the like in the past). I'm 31 this year...

Oh and: not so much interesting as "faintly upsetting". Had an interview at a cancer hospital last week. I managed to arrive a little over half an hour early and ended up sat in reception while I waited. All the time I was sat there, there was a constant stream of people going outside to have a smoke. Both patients and those visiting. Without getting all high-horsey and preachy - could these people not make the link between the huge hospital that has been set up to deal with cancer sufferers and the little white stick in their hand?

I also see a lot of expectant mothers who nip out of our maternity ward to have a fag. The burns victims are the worst though - they normally need someone to hold the ciggie up to what's left of their lips for them.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:54, Reply)
apparently everyone's a heavy smoker in Vietnam

(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:49, 2 replies)
I'm not going to have much to say this week
because I've never had a cigarette between my lips, but my dad told me that he gave up smoking aged 7.

As a wee boy, he used to steal his father's pipe, and nip out to one of the sheds (this was on a farm) for a puff.

Except one day he couldn't find any tobacco, so he hunted around for a substitute, and came up with something which looked similar enough to a 7 year old's eye....

Tea leaves.

He never smoked again.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:42, Reply)
Weird substances
Dried banana skins' alleged effects are well known, but I had an RE teacher who claimed to smoke tea, and a friend whose "grass" came straight from the front lawn.

When your only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When all you have in your pocket is some Rizlas, everything looks like it should go in a rollie.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:38, 3 replies)
Sort of on-topic
My mate, who is very anti-smoking, once went to his boss and asked for an extra fortnight's holiday per year.

His boss asked him why, and he replied, "Because I don't smoke".

He'd worked out that the smokers in his office nipped out for about 20 minutes per day for cigarettes, and over the course of a year, that was about 10 working days.

He didn't get his holidays, but he did manage to negotiate a pay rise!
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:38, 1 reply)
My first cigarette
My parents passed me my first joint when I was 11 - I can't decide if it was a good or a bad thing.

But I smoked my first cigarette when I was 13. I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Unlike a lot of people, I actually bought my first cigarette myself - "Right, I'm going to try smoking today!" I said to myself, as I went to the shop and bought 10 Marlboro lights and a Clipper. And I stood there and lit a fag.

It was odd, but good. I remember it actually tasting of something, which cigarettes don't seem to any more. I remember the smell of nicotine on my fingers afterwards. And I remember feeling light-headed after my first one.

So I smoked the other 9. And then bought some more the next day. And I've been smoking ever since.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:33, Reply)
At school
A teacher showed us an experiment which involved cigarettes and some of God's (unfortunate) creatures.

6 worms in a jar were placed in the fume cupboard and a whole cigarette's worth of smoke pumped into the jar and sealed in.

After roughly half an hour, the worms were dead.

The teacher was quite smug about this and thought the demonstration spoke for itself.
Damn bloody right he was smug and so was I, because I had sussed the whole thing out.

I started smoking the very next day, safe in the knowledge that I'll never have worms.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:33, 1 reply)
Pidgeony’s Theory of Need and Satisfaction
I’m a sometime smoker, although that ‘sometime’ often morphs into ‘all the fekking time’. If given a reason to smoke (drink, drink, after sex, boredom, drink), I will happily puff my way through a sailor’s supply of cigarettes.

I noted a correlation between the times I gave up smoking and my general mood and demeanour at the time. Could it be, b3tards, that smoking made me happy? I consulted science and came up with Pidgeony’s Theory of Need and Satisfaction:

The average person on a typical day feels ‘want’ a handful of times: they feel hunger, have food and therefore feel satisfied. Feel a bit horny? Need wank, have wank, feel satisfied and happy. And so this pattern continues in the average person’s life – the fulfilment of need and the satisfaction that arises from it.

A smoker, on the other hand, goes through this want / satisfaction cycle many times a day. They want a cigarette, have a cigarette and therefore feel satisfaction. In another hour, the need will arise again and, once more, they will sate their desire and thus become happy again. This relationship continues at intervals throughout the day, thus making a smoker happy, say, 20 times per day.

Mind, smokers also experience the wants and happiness of the ‘average’ person, satisfying their food/water/drink/wanking needs. The only thing is; they’ve got that extra kick, those extra 20 moments of happiness and satisfaction.

Therefore I deduce that smokers are, as a whole, happier people.* **

*Until they get cancer and die.
**Warning: my theory does not actually stand up to scientific method, logic, medicine, uh, governance of addiction, hmmmm…but whatevs.

My first cigarette? One would think I might remember something which birthed such a formative experience of my later years. But do I remember it? Do I feck.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:31, Reply)
When I was 14
I went to a party and my sister gave me a spliff which I duly inhaled and coughed up my guts. But then I found a pouch of baccy and found I had a natural aptitude for rolling cigarettes. I smoked loads of fags that night as not a single one was as harsh as the dirty blunt my sister introduced me to the delights of smoking with. so I went from not ever having even thought about having a puff to chain smoking on the course of one evening.

14 years odd later I went to work one morning and forgot to take my tobacco with me - Haven't had a fag since. Been over a year now, in fact the very thought makes me retch and I just find smoking disrespectful in so many ways.

Funny that.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:20, Reply)
I burnt my nose.
This may have been due to the fact that I was five and my 'cigarette' was made out of toilet paper and grass. The grass didn't burn, but the toilet paper did. Ow.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 9:00, Reply)
My first fag was pinched from my dad's Benson & Hedges when I was about 11. Loved it from the first drag.

Moved from them to Gitanes, then to Old Holborn, then to Camel Filterless, then to Marlboro Reds.

In between I flirted with just about every brand of cigarette I could get my hands on:- Disque Blue, Bensons Turkish (oval in a blue box!), Winston, Lucky Strike, Sweet Afton (Irish), Prince (Danish), Ducados (Spanish) - the stronger the better!

I loved smoking.

Then I started on cigars to "cut down"...

15 Hamlet a day became 5 King Edward Half Corona's - until 2 years ago.

One of my son's friends asked how long I had been smoking?

errr "that'd be 30 years"


New years resolution 2006 was to stop. I did but I could still murder a fag (or a cigar).

New years resolution 2030 will be to start again as I will be so old (65) that I won't care.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 8:57, 3 replies)
MMMMmm love smoke
I loved the smell of smoke as a kid, if I was near someone smoking outside I'd get as close as I could and breathe in as much as I could. I can never understand peoples "eww, smoke stinks!" attitude. Yes, stale smoke on clothes stinks and a lot of people smoking in an enclosed space is a bit minging, but in general it's looovely.

As a kid of about 11 we would get my mates gas-stove out and roll bits of paper up and smoke them, looking back, yes it was strange but I loved the taste, guess I was designed to smoke.

Moving on a year or so, I nicked a smoke out my mates dad's fag-box. My colon was aquivver with fear and excitement that I might get rumbled.

I managed to get hold of some matches from somewhere, fucked off to somewhere I was SURE nobody would spot me, set fire to the end but wasn't aware I needed to actually suck the thing to get it to light properly so spent about 10 matches just having problems before I finally got a drag and really didn't know what the fuss was about. A few months later, once I realised that inhalation was the key to enjoying a good smoke I was hooked.

Been smoking for 13 years now, don't really feel of ill health in any form and my lungs are fine, but as I now have 2 young children I have came to the realisation that if smoking does have a negative affect on my health it won't just be me who is affected and would be selfish for me to disregard that so I have promised myself to quit before I'm 30 (This coming July)

Incidentally I would NEVER smoke anywhere near children, in fact I don't even let them SEE me smoke or smoke in the house/car when they aren't there, they are ages 1 & 3, it makes me sick when I see parents forcing their children to live in a house full of smoke. Christ, I don't even like picking them up if my coat stinks of smoke.

Smoking is my choice, not theirs.

I can knock down trees with my giant cock
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 8:55, 2 replies)
The first time I tried smoking, I tried rocketing it
Which, like some elaborate pot smoking method, used a 2 litre plastic bottle, attaching a cigarette into a previously burnt hole, and then rushing as much of a cigarette as possible in one go to maximise the subsequent nicotine rush.

I certainly got a rush, so much so that, disoriented and extremely light headed, I decided I should fall face first into the wall. So I did.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 8:44, 2 replies)
roll your own...
I made my first ever cigarette. My Dad used to smoke a pipe and me and a mate thought we would try and make a cigarette using some old pipe tobacco, fisrt we assembled the required equipment:

Tobacco- Ressurected from the back of the drinks cupboard and so dry it looked like tea leaves!
Fag Paper- None available so a good old sheet of A4 paper cut to size
Glue?!?- Pritt stick to seal the paper aroud the tobacco

After 10 mins we had produced what looked like a floppy, tea filled tampon. We lit it........and again.......and again........and again before finally we could have our first draw.

Not sure how to describe it as it was about 23 years ago, but I ended up injesting about an ounce of tobacco and proceeded to cough like a demon. From this point forward we chose to steal pre rolled ones from my Mum every now and then.

Regrets: No doubt this will be a common one but WHY oh WHY did I start!!!!!!!!
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 8:39, 2 replies)
bad idea
I was nine or ten years old at the time..my dad used to smoke those lovely Gitanes, sweet dark tobacco smoke would fill the classy Citroën CX (Athena Model) on our way to the grandparents.
the grandad smoked the Boyards houel.club.fr/pages/BOYARDS.htm
now forbidden due to the huge amounts of tar. I stole one and managed to smoke it on the balcony just before we left to go back home, a good one hour drive on the new motorway, Dad's car (CX) was famous for the newly invented hydraulic suspension and the induced "boat effect" at high speed ...it just went like a rocket, i projected the whole sunday lunch from the backseat, spraying the parents shoulders, some bits even reached the windscreen.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 8:23, Reply)
I always
Have a smoke after my 4pm wednesday wank.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 8:22, 1 reply)
Swedes: they do it to fish, and they do it to Tobacco too.
If you're in the game for the nicotine, If you don't like smelling of smoke, If your missus complains, If you want a Nicotine rush to beat all others, and if you want to have brown shit dribbling down between your teeth: I suggest to you try Snus. (pronounced "S'noose")

Snus is essentially Steam.cured, dried and re-hydrated tobacco. (They do it with fish.. so why not tobacco?) On average, Swedes jam 800g of this stuff under their top lips each year. The nicotine slowly (well, quite quickly actually) gets absorbed into your bloodstream.

This stuff delivers a nicotine kick unlike anything else I've tried. A little portion under your lip can make the room spin within a minute. Imagine you're getting ALL the nicotine that's stored in a cigarette... then double it...

Quote from Wiki: "It is hypothesized that the widespread use of snus by Swedish men (estimated at 30% of Swedish male ex-smokers, possibly because it is much cheaper than cigarettes), displacing tobacco smoking and other varieties of snuff, is responsible for the incidence of tobacco-related mortality in men being significantly lower in Sweden than any other European country."

I have a colleague who's wife is a nurse. Dogged by their undying need to try anything kinky, She filled an enima bag with warm water and a couple of portions of Snus... inserted the pipe and squeezed... 1 minute later he was being violently ill. Apparently they never tried it again.

That's all I've got to say about thaat.

Oh... and it's banned throughout the EU apart from in Sweden... Go figure.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 8:09, 2 replies)
doing it with the royals
my first cigarette was in the grounds of a private boys boarding college that a mr william young frequented. yessir yessir i is posh. i was 12 i think. my best friend (at the time, oh how many of them have i gone through?) and i had succesfully raided drinks cabinets and now felt mature enough to move onto inhaling rather than gulping. we used cigarettes as our pick up line, as many 12yr olds do. meet a guy whos 15 wondering the streets and ask him to get us fags and booze. it usually worked. but anyways, smoking. i love smoking. have never had that choking problem at the start, it just seems to have developed now in my later years so i look like a spluttering teen. smoking is me. sizzle sizzle. stub me, bitch.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 7:59, Reply)
I don't smoke
If you take it that smoking and being a smoker is a regular activity, then I don't smoke. I've had a couple (who hasn't, really?), and I've had a few joints back at uni, but on the whole I don't smoke. I find it rather repulsive, and it's just not for me. I do like nicotine though... arse. Until about a year ago, I was getting through nicotine patches fast. Very fast. You know that episode of The Simpsons where Krusty gives up smoking, and ends up with patches covering his whole body, including his ring piece? That was me. Except I pushed them inside.
Addictive personality? Nooooooooooooo, not me guv.

Recently though, salvation has arrived for my craving in the form of my girlfriends mother! To steal a phrase from Humpty, my girlfriend is Swedish. In Sweden, that have a form of tobacco called Snus. It's tobacco that's been cured, then placed in little teabags that you then put onder your lip. No lighters, stained fingers, no patches (the small ones I have hold about 4 times more nicotine as a cigarette, larger ones as much as 12 times) and I can use them in work. Oh, and they cost about £1.50 for 20.

Also, they're great for flicking at the chavvy bastards who ride around my lovely town of Wantage on their hairdryers after they've spent an hour in my mouth... A piece of brown slimy tobaccoy goodness straight down their lovely white market top or (if I'm lucky) in their mouth breathing face (never quite managed in the mought yet!)
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 7:39, 1 reply)
i dont smoke a pipe pipe pipe pipe pipe pipe....
so anyways yeah like many people, it would seem, i smoked a spliff before ever smoking a cigarette. it was at a house party in year 10, most of my friends there would have probably been well into their smoking days, i was the posh school boy. i dont remember much about the actual spliff itself because i was by this point obliterated on dirty 'never-again' cider, we were out in the garden, afterwards i went back inside and that song was on. you know the old garage tune that was like 'i don't smoke cigarettes, i dont smoke cigars, i dont smoke a pipe pipe pipe pipe pipe...I DONT SMOKE THE REEFER!" musical history lessons aside all i remember is announcing I JUST SMOKED A REEFER! when the i dont smoke the reefer bit comes in, stupid grin on my face. what seemed like off the cuff wit 5 years ago now just makes me cringe...

length? about 3:20, radio edit.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 5:34, Reply)
Hi Folks 1st post so i will make it a quikie.
Quitting smoking is Easy.
I have done it loads of times!

I will go now.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 5:25, Reply)
saved !
I was a wee alze, being 12 year old.
Day before I was caught by the deputy head stealing a road lamp and expected to get a bollocking the next day..
Next day big kev produced a box of fags, 'raffles' none the less. I tried one. I managed to ingest it.
At school I was sick as a non-smoking alze and was in the sick room when I overhead the deputy head.. my form tutor was explaining how ill I was and should be sent home..
So off I went, bollocking avoided and a day.
Thanks ciggies, you saved me.

Now I dont smoke fags at all but enjoy the occasional spliff - but did once puke into a bin at cremers (Den Haag) perfect projectile vomit it was :)
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 4:59, Reply)
Like Lightning
I've never smoked. I decided at a young age that i didn't like the smell, I also watched my fathers many and agonizing attempts to quit, so as i went through school it never had any appeal. As I've grown up the redness of smoker friends had turned a quiet and passive dislike into an active hatred, and so I honed my skills to become..... anti-smoking ninja. I could relieve an offender of their fuminous wands in a flick of the wrist. The drunker of them would even raise the now empty hand to the mouth, and the look of confusion turning to rage pure gold. Packets would vanish, lit fags mysteriously extinguish. My powers were beyond the realm of mortal man. Possibly, in reality i was a drunk prick wrecking people smokes, but near enough I say. At the hight of my powers we were sat round a table in the pub, the girlfriend and i were deep in conversation when an associate took to filling our world with their smokey fumes. With many, many pints down and in the style of movie hard men everywhere i turned, took the cigarette from their hands and held it before them betwixt right thumb and forefinger. With left thumb and forefinger i casually ground off the burning end, then handed back the mangled remains. Job done, I returned to my conversation without a flinch. The effect was beyond what i could have hoped. It stopped the table. My ninga like coolness surrounded me and I truly felt nothing. What i did feel were the massive and matching blisters on my thumb and finger for the next painful and puss filled week, but no-one present aside from the GF needed to know that.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 4:29, 1 reply)
fags n' minge
When I was six we used to go 'round the back of the water tower, roll pencil shavings up in note paper and smoke 'em, whilst my mate Shane's little sister's showed us her minge.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 3:58, Reply)
Refries on the beach
Around the age of 12 I went to a summer camp. You know the rosting marshmellows, singing crap songs, panty raids, the whole nine. We went on excursion to Catalina. Insted of sleeping in cabins we got to sleep in tents. Joy!

My best mate at the time was a bit more advanced than I. He had pubes, wore a Ramones shirt 24-7, had slept with a girl (allegedly), and knew how to smoke. He had been talking the whole time at camp about "refries." I nodded and pretended like I knew what he was talking about. Really I had no clue.

So we take a boat to Catalina and we go to the beach. We're walking along combing the sand looking for refries. I'm looking at the sand still having no idea what a refry is. Finally my friend says, "I got one!" It was a Virgina Slim 3/4 of the way smoked with lipstick at the end burried in sand. He was extatic and said, "Alright, now we gotta find one for you." I was slighlty grossed out, but wanted desparatly to be cool. A few moments later we located a half smoked Camel.

We retreated into the handicaped stall in the men's room at the beach to puff on our bounties. He lit his up and expertly inhaled and exhaled a large cloud of toxic smoke. I tried to lite mine but my depth perception was off and burned off my peach fuzz mustache. Then we heard footsteps. We both freaked the fuck out and threw our butts into the the toilet and franticly flushed. We ran out of the bathroom and back to our tents where we bathed in a gallon of cologne and ate so many Altoids we crapped chalk.

Two years later I started chewing Skoal Bandits. Then graduated to Lucky Strike non-filters. Now, just a ton of weed.

Length? About the size of my peen at the time.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 3:36, Reply)
Grungers weren't so tough.
I was 15 and my dad had run off with what I can only describe as a foul-trout of a woman. To annoy him I decided I'd take up smoking. The worst thing was my mum was the one to give me my first cigarette. I often think her intention was to put me off them for life as she offered me one of those French ones that sear your lungs. I coughed for an hour afterwards.

If that was her plan it failed. Later whilst in college I went to the pub with some friends and lit one of these foul French ciggies (I'd just been on a booze cruise so I bought a few packets for the hell of it) and the ultra-hardcore grungers on the next table noticed.

One of them who had apparently been hit by a bus when he was younger (either that or he was just thick as shite for no reason) asked for one of my deadly filterless Gauloise fags thinking he was up to the challenge.

He inhaled, he went green, then a 20 minute coughing fit ensued. It's bad enough to be drank under the table by a girl but outsmoked by one....
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 3:23, Reply)
Snuff escapades...
First post; be gentle.

I've never smoked a cigarette/drugs, due to my Dad smoking when I was a kid and I couldn't stand the smell (to be fair to the fella, he did only smoke in the kitchen or on the patio, so I only inhaled it whilst around him). I once had a puff on a cigar thanks to a friend at some drunken party, and almost threw my guts up because not only did I clumsily inhale the smoke, it also tasted like mouth-rape. Anyhow, enough background, on with the story...

Cut to a few years later, I am now at University, 3rd year, living with my friend Tim who convinced me to try that cigar. Tim is trying to wean himself off cigarettes since becoming a full timer in year one, and turned to the brown powder that comes in tins not entirely dissimilar to the containers of pocket packs of vaseline. One night, we were out and he offers me some snuff over a few beers.
'No thanks,' I tell him and return to my drink.
'Why not?' he demands.
'Because I don't want to,' I said.
'That's not a reason,' was his instant response. Did I mention he is a philosophy student?

Cue TWO HOURS of trying to explain the metaphysics of reason, in which I was chastised for assuming he knew the background of my dislike of nicotine, taking things into body etc. (Which he did. Also, I do realise that drinking is counter-productive here!) We eventually agreed to disagree, so I decided it was time to go. As I stood up, someone bumped into me, turning my white shirt into the colour of snakebite. As if my night wasn't good enough already.

And that is why I don;t like smoking, or its incarnates, at all.

Length? All apologies, too long for a first time. Oh, cocks.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 2:59, Reply)
Offered to me by an utter nutter.
I'd been playing with some of my friends, they lived in the next village, so I was riding back home on my bike when I was stopped by Charlie.

She and her whole family were completely crazy and she often would beat people randomly just for the sake of it, but for some reason she had taken a liking to me and would smile and wave at me in the school yard as she beat some other child who was usually double her size yet utterly terrified because, as I have stated, she was completely crazy.

So she stopped me and asked me to get off my bike. Thinking that she was going to steal it but prefering losing that to losing my teeth I did as she asked.

"It's nice a nice bike. You want to come with me." It was not a question. I did as she said. She led me up an alley way to the back of some old sheds. I remember worrying that the pounding of my heart was going to break my rib cage. I was terrified. Charlie licked her bottom lip and placed her grubby hand into the pocket of her ripped jeans. 'She's got a knife,' I thought 'she's going to stab me and I'm going to bleed to death in the dirt.' Removing her hand she clasped in it, not a knife, but a tattered cigarette.
"You smoke?" She asked casually, whilst retrieving a box of matches from her other pocket.
"Never tired." I replied, trying to sound cool and most likely failing.

We stood in silence as she switched between sucking at the cigarette and spitting on the ground. After a moment, she sniffed, spat and passed me the tatty off-white tube.

It took me a few seconds to realise that she wanted me to have a smoke. I took it from her and placed it to my lips. This action sent messages to my brain and I noted upon the fact that I had forgot to breathe during this whole encounter, thus causing me to take slightly too deep a breath in.

I coughed, my eyes watered and I coughed again. I handed her the cigarette back. She took it from me and started laughing. I'm not sure what scared me more, the twisted twinges of insanity that I could hear in her cackles, or when she stopped abruptly.
"We're friends now?" She asked. I nodded, most likely a little to eagerly. She then turned around, climbed over a fence into someone's garden and walked off up the path.

In a clumsy terror I clambered onto my bike and cycled as quickly as I could all the way home. She never came into school the next Monday: she'd been arrested for trapping someone in a large industial bin and setting it alight. I was thankful that all she'd done to me was rape me of my cigarette viginity.
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 2:58, Reply)
Bad choice
Back when I was about 18, I had a girlfriend who absolutely HATED smoking - it started off as innocently asking me not to smoke just before we kissed, graduated to asking me not to smoke when we were going out, to full-blown telling me if she catches me with a cigarette again it was over. For a while, I actually (shamefully) resorted to having secret fags whenever she wasn't around, then hiding the smell with Lynx and mouthwash, before thinking, "What the fuck am I doing?" and dumping the controlling bitch.

Only thing was, she was a great shag. So, I essentially chose cigarettes over great sex.

I am an idiot
(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 2:57, 1 reply)
My first cigar
Well, I landed an internship in the White House and...nevermind, it probably wouldn't interest you.

(, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 2:54, Reply)

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