DrSchnauss
in answer to an old QOTW you said one of your ex missus was on Jim'll Fix It dancing to Swan Lake... what was her name!? I think one of my ex's was too!
(simpson, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:12, Reply)

Misheard Queen lyric...
Oh, Bee-elzebub has the devil for a sideboard!
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:10, Reply)

All time favourite:
The Peter Sarstedt classic;

"Where do you go to my lovely
When you're alone in your bed?
I stick my hand down my pyjamas
And pretend that you're giving me head!
oh yes I do, because I can, etc. etc."

Sang as a moving call and response song between me and my mate Helen. We made it up, all by ourselves.

edit: We also did:

"Holey holey tights
Gives good access day and night"

to 'Starry Starry Nights'. Luckily we didn't get much further.

Not that we were scruffy slappers or anything.
(clapper, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:10, Reply)

On a Hendrix theme
(sung to the tune of Voodoo Child)

Well I'm standing next to a doctor
He's got my balls in the cup of his hand.
Well I'm standing next to a doctor
He's got my balls in the cup of his hand.
He said 'cough' and I said 'How can I cough when I'm screaming, man!'
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:08, Reply)

Mishear lyrics
Not mine honest

Sweet Diamiond White instead of Sweet Child of Mine by Guns n Roses

Some Neighbouring Sunday instead of Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2
(kennyboy, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:04, Reply)

Bob Fucking Marley
I was always impressed by Bob Marley's cover of the theme from The Banana Splits, and the clever way he changed the "Tra la la" to "Oy yoy yoy". He even gave it a new name, "Buffalo Soldier".
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:04, Reply)

Obviously
Hendrix didn't mean to sing "'scuse me while I kiss this guy"...
(clapper, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:04, Reply)

Nothing
Sung to the tune of 'I Feel Pretty' from Westside Story...

So... Da da da-da, DA DA DA-DA, DA DA DAH DAAH DAHHHH (repeat this a few times for effect getting louder each time....)

Nothing!!
I've done nothing....
I've done nothing of merit today!!!
i've done nada
nada zip bugger fuck all - hooray.
(declan_m, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:03, Reply)

Elton John
Don't let your mu-u-um go down on meeee......
(emma_fisi, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:02, Reply)

My take on J-Lo/Jenny from the block being a post op transexual.....(In my world at least)
"Don't be fooled by the cock that I've got
I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block
Used to have a little, now I have a cock
No matter where I go, I know where it came from
(From your mum!)

Try it, great fun to be had.....
( -:Coop:-, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 13:00, Reply)

Shitty furnishings
At my primary school we all had to sing hymns and the like. One of the head's faves was "i'd like to teach the world to sing..." every time we got to the bit "...and furnish it with love.." You'd get about 100 8 - 11 year old shouting "....and furniSHIT with love..."

Teachers must of heard but let us sing it every week...
(Let's all have an asbo, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:51, Reply)

My sisters take on, Pink Floyd
We dont need no molestation,

HEY! Glitter! leave them kids alone!
(Finn_coyote, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:47, Reply)

Finger of Fudge
A Finger of Fudge is just enuff to make your kids go green,
A Finger of Fudge is just enuff to even kill the Queen,
It's full of Cadbury badness, you never know where it's been,
A Finger of Fudge is just enuff to make your kids go green.

And repeat. Endlessly.
(S'chmoo, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:45, Reply)

Queen and queen related
Apparently the "Fried Chicken" bit at the end of one vision is semi deliberate. Freddie Mercury used to do it as a joke, it got on a final cut, they noticed, but thought it was funny and left it.

The Fearsome Slovienen Industrial Band, Laibach, covered One Vision, but Translated it into German. Turning it into a stage act drawing parrellels with Facist rants and Stadium bands.

That was their intention, it sounds more like some angry german shouting about Nick Nolte.
(Finn_coyote, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:38, Reply)

To add to Wile E. Coyote's One
"Down at Fraggle Rock
Grab a fraggle by his c*ck
Swing him in the air
Grab him by his pubic hair
Throw him on the grass
Shove a chainsaw up his arse
Turn the power on
Where's that f*cking Fraggle gone?"
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:37, Reply)

clueless candidates
I work in a recruitment firm in the IT sector - if anyone from this arena reads this they WILL understand. A candidate called Yihui Xu would apply to every single role advertised, regardless of the skillset required....his catchcall was..."You call me Shoo"

So - to the tune of Paul Simon, You can call Me Al

A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my job is so hard
I need a job-opportunity
I want a shot at development
Don't want to end up an analyst
In an analysts graveyard
Codecutter Codecutter
VB in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit monitor
Mr. Manager Manager
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
If you'll be my recruitment consultant
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Johnny
And Johnny when you call me
You can call me Shoo

A man walks down the street
He says why am I short of employment
Got a short little lack of employment
And wo my CV is so long
Where's my salary abd benefits?
What if I die here
Who'll write my CV
Now that my visa has
Gone Gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There was sponsorhsips and allegations

If you'll be my recruitment consultant
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you JOhnny
And Johnny when you call me
You can call me Shoo
Call me Shoo

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Thirtieth time
He's sent his fucking CV around
He doesn't speak the language
He doesn't have a clue
He is a Chinese man
He is surrounded by the sound
The sound
JAVA in the marketplace
C++ and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the infrastructure
Spinning in infinity
He says I am interested.....in this job!

If you'll be my recruitment consultant
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Johnny
And Johnny you call me
You can call me Shoo
Call me Shoo

Apologies for the length
(essbeenz there done that, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:33, Reply)

Chancellor
The Stranglers had great foresight, singing about Gordon Brown before he was ever heard of.

I rather like the thought of him on a ship, tied to the mast.
( Safetyfox, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:32, Reply)

Feed the Holmes
Due to me being on the fat side the lads in the office this christmas decided to change the Band Aid song from to Feed the World to Feed the Holmes (my surame) - Since I work in a place where if you don't take the piss out of yourself someone will do it for you, I changed the rest of the lyrics for them....

It's Christmas time
If you’re a pie, best be afraid
At Christmas time
Holmes has nothing light and has the table laid
And in his world there’s plenty
he even eats the kinder egg toy
You can’t get your arms around the Holmes
At Christmas time

But say a prayer
Pray for his jeans buttons
At Christmas time it's hard
When his waist’s four foot one
You’re at a drive in window
A heart attack is growing near
There’s no evian flowing
Only bitter, gin or beers
And the Christmas bells that ring
Are coming from Steve’s dining room
Well tonight there’s tonnes of lamb and some stew

Feed the Holmes
Let him know there’s crisps & pies
Feed the Holmes
Do you know how’s your cholesterol?

And there won't be salad in Holmes’ house
This Christmas time
The greatest gift he'll get this year is lard
He cannot see his toes
As the cherry cola flows
Do you know how’s your cholesterol?

Feed the Holmes
Let him know there’s crisps & pies
Feed the Holmes
Do you know how’s your cholesterol?

(Here's the food) there’s not enough for everyone
(A snack for him) Four burgers and a big cream bun
Do you know how’s your cholesterol?

Feed the Holmes
Let him know there’s crisps & pies

Feed the Holmes
Let him know there’s crisps & pies

Feed the Holmes
Let him know there’s crisps & pies
(Let's all have an asbo, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:31, Reply)

More!
Remembered a couple more:

My mate's gran, may she rest in peace, thought that super Sabrina from the 80's one hit wonder, 'Boys, boys, boys' was 'Boing, boing, boing'. I thought that was quite apt.

Fraggle Rock:

'Down at Fraggle Rock,
Grab a fraggle by the cock,
Swing him round your head...
Now that fraggle's dead.'
(Wile E. Coyote, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:29, Reply)

to bobby paradise
norwegian wood
(dukefukem, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:28, Reply)

Pink Floyd "Another Kick In The Balls"
We Don't Need No Masterbation,
We Don't Need No Birth Control.
No Dark Orgasms In The Classroom
Hey! Teacher Leave Your Dick Alone
(Bringing Sarcasm To The Masses (Valis), Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:25, Reply)

To the tune of Magic Moments
Remember the night you fell in the shite
You had your best suit on.
The one that you got for saving up lots
Of Embasy Coupons
You fell in the grass I tickled your ass
It wasn't me finger.

I wiggled my thumb
You giggled and cum
All over the duvet

there's a lot more but I don't remember
( cheeves, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:25, Reply)

Lenny
I could have sworn the chorus to Lenny Kravitz' 'Rock and Roll is Dead' was actually, 'Fuckin Foal is Dead'....

...Honest...
(Wile E. Coyote, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:24, Reply)

Romeo And Juliet
Forgot the obvious one in Dire Straits' R&J, for that lovely second and third chorus:

"Oh Juliet, when we made love you used to cry
'cos you were only four years old
And I was twenty five..."
(danshome, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:22, Reply)

Red Hot Chilli Peppers
I thought they sang "Fly away on my cellphone"
Luckily I only sang that in the car when I was on my own.
(Kirbie, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:22, Reply)

Minge?
Endless hours of physics lessons were spent rewriting The Sound Of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel. Well 10 minutes was spent rewriting it and endless hours were spent singing it. So here we go (and apologies for doing all the verses).

The Ginger Song
---------------
Hello Ginger my old friend,
I've come to die your hair again.
Because a carrot softly creeping
Left it's seeds while you were sleeping.
And the colour that was planted in your head
Was golden red
And your hair
Was ginger.

In restless dreams I walked alone
And we killed the ginger clones
'Neath the halo of a streetlamp
I saw your hair and thought you were a tramp
'Til my eyes were spared by the flash of a neon light
And I was right
Because your hair
Was ginger

And in the naked light I saw
That there were ten thousand more
People golden like the morning
People red like the sun dawning
And the ginger people were huddled in a little group
Like tomato soup
Because their hair was ginger.

Fool said I, you do not know
Ginger like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might reach you
Dye your hair I beseach you
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And you smell
Because your hair
Is ginger

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
Ginger hair is appalling
And the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
Let's kill 'em all
Because their hair
Is Ginger...

Oh dear...
(danshome, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:18, Reply)

'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy feat. Ricardo Ducent.
"Well she caught me in the shower but I was really in the bedroom". My Mum, showing Ricardo's ability to be in two places at once. It was funnier when she was singing along, believe me. Plus, she called Shaggy 'H uggie', which made me laugh even more.

Oh yes, and Eiffel 65's 'Blue (Da Ba Dee)' lyrics were 'I'm Blue, in Aberdeen I will die' instead of 'Da be dee da ba daa'. Listen, it sounds right.
( CaroWallis, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:17, Reply)

I was at uni with someone
who thought Bob Marley was singing "No woman of mine", and that Cornershop had released a song called "Bin full of ashes from a faulty fire".
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:17, Reply)

My dad
manages to ruin many a brilliant song, one of my favourites being Groove Armada - At The River:

"If you're fond of sand dunes, and salty jizz..."
(Oily, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:12, Reply)