My girlfriend always used to enjoy EMF's song 'Unbelievable'
so now sing along with the chorus:

The things, you say,
Your purple bras just give you away,
The things, you say...
You're unbelievable!

Purple bras? Once you've sung this a few times it's damn hard to remember the real lyrics.

I'm not going to go on record to mention her choice of underwear colour...
( Matazone has new icons, but is keeping this one, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 12:54, Reply)

Ah, remember those classics
Such as
'I want to break wind' by Queen
& 'Losing my erection' by REM
(S'chmoo, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 12:52, Reply)

I always wondered why there was an Xmas carol...
...about a premiership footballer.

To the tune of Hark The Herald Angels:

Glooooooooo-oooo-oooooria, hoses and Andrei Kanchelskis.

At school carol concerts, hearing maybe 50 (myself included) 10 years olds singing that in front of an assembled group of parents was always brilliant.
Obviously, I know that's wrong now. I still don't know the actual words though...
(sky blue sam, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 12:47, Reply)

Generic solution
I always liked to sing along to popular songs, replacing the word 'love' with the word 'lunch' whenever it comes along.

For example:

"I would do anything for lunch" - meatloaf
"It must me lunch, lunch, lunch" - madness
"I know what lunch is" - celine dion

Further hilarity ensues by replacing the word 'baby' with 'gravy'.

e.g.: "Gravy you're the one", "I love you gravy", "ice, ice, gravy"

This comes together perfectly with "Baby Love" by Diana Ross & The Supremes.
( giblethead2000, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 12:32, Reply)

I've been singing for ages till the song was explained to me....
you've got eyes..
growing in..
you've got eyes..
growing out of your skin..
you've got beers..
making tracks..
you've got beers..
that are scared of the cat..

running down corridors..
through automatic floors..
got to have a poo..
got to see it through..
its a strain in here..
shit a plastic box..
full of christmas lights..
put it on your eyes..

I'm a silly man
(Manatee Fondler, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 12:27, Reply)

Faith No More
In one of Faith No More's tracks (I forget which one) there is the lyric "Satan laughs and spreads his wings"

One of my pals at the time was convinced it was "Satan loves expensive wigs"

What a fool...
(MonkeyFuzz, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 12:20, Reply)

For shame ...
It was a terrible cheese-fest of a song - possibly by Steps. The chorus goes:

'Everybody clap your hands ..' etc

A few friends and I used to find it intensely funny to sing 'Everybody touch my ass!' instead or if we were feeling particularly risque 'Everybody f*ck my ass!'.

You can imagine my utter shame and humiliation as I caught myself singing the latter whilst drunk and stood in a line of about five complete strangers at a urinal.

I was probably quite lucky not to get either beaten up or bummed stupid I suppose ...
( squirrels emit silent screams has updog, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 12:00, Reply)

muppet
a Mate of mine seriously thought the song "steamy windows" by Tina Turner was actually "Stevie wonder, surrounde by his body he-eeeeat"

maybe she was right...........
(wilma_wonka, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:59, Reply)

Smells Like Teen Spirit, surely
"Win a Lada, Mrs Davis". Not actually misheard, but told to me by a friend and never forgotten.

Oh, and I too would have loved a dance settee when I was younger.

and finally, while again it's not a misheard lyric, will people please stop having "All Things Bright And Beautiful" at their weddings. While I am in my 30's my sense of humour froze while in primary school and I always cry with suppressed laughter at "the purple headed mountain" bit.
(Throbbe, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:42, Reply)

Prince Sexy mother F**ker
Friend was convinced this was Sexy Monkey F**ker
(Smumps, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:41, Reply)

Ayia Napa
My son is convinced the words of some generic UK garge song include

Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter

How could it be Ayia Napa this idea is ridiculas to him!!
(Smumps, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:39, Reply)

Little known Queen song called Bohemian Rhapsody
He's just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare him his life for his poor sausages


Pardon? What was that? Spare him his life from this monstrosity you say?

Ah that makes much more sense now.
(Billy Sastard, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:35, Reply)

oh, and a football related one i don't agree with
to the tune of you'll never walk alone

sign on
sign on
with a pen
in your hand
and you'll never work again
you'll never work again

etc etc
(dickytut, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:35, Reply)

probably been done before but still a classic
we 3 kings of orient are,
1 in a taxi 1 in a car,
1 on a scooter piping his hooter,
smoking a fat cigar.


hours of fun with that 1 at the nativity play
(dickytut, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:33, Reply)

Erotica - Madonna
"Bill Oddie Bill Oddie
Put your hands all over my body"

Oh that little hairy fella....goodie goodie yum yum
(Smumps, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:32, Reply)

more senser
'born in an age of pants'

'in an age of pants'
(magictorch, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:30, Reply)

Don't let your son go down on me
was never my fave Elton John song so that's as far as I got.
(Seamus O'Blimey, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:26, Reply)

.
when i was at school (round about year 9 i think)me and a friend changed the words to "somebody to love" by queen. naturally enough, we changed it to "somebody to bum". various lines included:

"i wank hard (he wanks hard) every day of my life, i wank till i break my bone"

"i get down on my knees and i suck your cock, till the cum runs down your thighs"

there was more, but i can't remember. i'm sure it will return to me...
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:19, Reply)

Aargh Eiffel 65
I'm blue

shabby wee shabby why
shabby wee shabby shabby wee shabby why

Cue much hilarity on road trips -__-
(Roland Deschain, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:19, Reply)

Senser - Eject (Plumbers Version)
"I see the cistern, as it crumbles before me,
I see the cistern as it dies"
( muteboy, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:16, Reply)

We had a hymn at school called
Cross Over the Road

To which we used to sing...


Cross over the road my friend,
As the bus comes round the bend,
Squashes you flat you silly twat,
That'll teach you no end.

Would you walk by on the other side,
If you saw a bike unlocked?
Would you walk by on the other side,
Or nick it and flog it off?

Cross over the road my friend,
As the bus comes round the bend,
Squashes you flat you silly twat,
That'll teach you no end.

Would you walk by on the other side,
If you saw a kid with sweets?
Would you walk by on the other side,
Or steal them, and kick his teeth?

Cross over the road my friend,
As the bus comes round the bend,
Squashes you flat you silly twat,
That'll teach you no end.

End
( fishsticks, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:11, Reply)

Mull of Kintyre
My girlfriends Dad convinced her that it went,

"Mull of Kintyre,
oh mince rolling in from the sea..."
( muteboy, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 11:08, Reply)

Probably bindun
A lovely dittee about being trapped inside a sea faring mammal, by Franz Ferdinand (no, I don't like them either):

You will find me in the manatee
The dark of the manatee
It's better in the manatee
The dark of the manatee

and so forth.

/coat
(Hazhar, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 10:57, Reply)

Papa Roach
Cut my wife into pieces, this is my last resort....
(emma_fisi, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 10:50, Reply)

to the tune of 'born to be wild'
by steppenwolf:

'Get your moped running,
head out on the ring road,
looking for a chip shop,
or whatever comes our way.'

school eh, what a waste of time...
(dieselmonkey, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 10:20, Reply)

Just remembered another
to the tune of Silver Machine

"I just took a bite
from me Doner Kebab
& I'm feeling alright.

It's fried,
in a lot of grease
it'll make you obese
it's me Doner Kebab"
(tone loc, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 10:15, Reply)

New Model Army
from Vengeance

"i believe in Jelly & Custard"

used to really piss off the serious Army fans. clog wearing fools that they were.
(tone loc, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 10:12, Reply)

Well as far as i'm aware...
The Police did an entire song that went:

"Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley, I feel Sue Lawley" which scarred me for life as a child...

Also, Barry Manilow sang "Oh Mandy, you came and you bought us a Turkey" which was just confusing, to say the least.
(dieselmonkey, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 10:10, Reply)

Hey Jude (the obscure)
Don't make it bad.
It already is,
It won't get better.
Remember, you're just a pawn of fate.
And it's too late
To make it better.

Hey Jude, you're gonna die.
And so are lotsa folks who've metcha.
Remember the shit that happened to Tess?
That kinda stress
Is going to getcha.

HARDY HARDY HARDY HARDY
(_, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 10:08, Reply)

Abba
"Sing a new song chicken tikka"

That's all.

(edit) No it's not all.

Good King Wenceslas looked out
Of his bedroom window
Silly bastard he fell out
On a red hot cinder

Brightly shone his arse that night
Though the snow was cool

(we never got further than that in school!)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 9:57, Reply)