Sweetcorn lovers....
Save time and energy chewing, just pour the corn straight into the toilet bowl.
(Buster Gonad needs to borrow your wheelbarrow on, Sat 19 May 2007, 0:46, Reply)

Never put rubbing alcohol on your scrotum!
I tried this once to kill chiggers after a campout. Never again.
(animals, Fri 18 May 2007, 22:00, Reply)

Get rid of underground yellowjacket nest in US: #2
Place a heavy clear pyrex bowl upside down over the hole. The bowl will fill with angry starving bees who will not know to dig another exit. After two or three days the colony dies. I've used this and it worked great. Don't do this with kids around.
(animals, Fri 18 May 2007, 21:58, Reply)

Get rid of underground yellowjacket nest in US: #1
When the nest is quiet after dusk pour a little syrup into and around the hole. Repeat every other day until a foraging skunk or raccoon discovers the syrup. It will dig up the nest and eat all the bees. I've used this trick and it worked great within two days.
(animals, Fri 18 May 2007, 21:55, Reply)

Best tip ever.
Never call a policeman a cunt to his face.
(A Hospital Carpark, Fri 18 May 2007, 21:53, Reply)

Hiccups - another cure
Press the back of your tongue down with the bowl of a spoon until you gag. It works.
(animals, Fri 18 May 2007, 21:50, Reply)

Water in ear after swimming
Tilt your head with your ear on top and drip one drop of rubbing alcohol into your ear with your fingertip. After you hear the alcohol and water combine tilt your head with that ear down and the water will run out.
(animals, Fri 18 May 2007, 21:48, Reply)

Toothpaste
makes a great plastic polish, mp3 players, phone screen, watch faces. brilliant for all of them.


for anything a bit deeper, use brasso.
( Iananan Formerly known as el-rodente, not that you care, Fri 18 May 2007, 21:19, Reply)

Removing stubborn rust stains.
Rather than spend all that cash lining Barry Scott's pockets, to get rid of stubborn rust stains on surfaces, get some about a litre or two of warm to hot water, mix in 3 level tablespoons of biological washing powder and a about a teaspoon of bleach. Use a scour sponge to apply the mixture and rub onto the stain. Dry surface when finished with a clean cloth. BIO! and the stain is gone.
(buckyohaire, Fri 18 May 2007, 20:52, Reply)

PuttingTwo Angry Wasps...
...into an empty cigar tube makes an inexpensive vibrator.

I thank you
(AlbertTatlock is Ena Sharples Bitch, Fri 18 May 2007, 20:32, Reply)

"Lather, Rinse and Repeat"
Its a little known secret, but you don't have to do this; you can just wash your hair once. They just write this on the bottle to get you to use more shampoo. Bastards!
( BamaSS, Fri 18 May 2007, 20:18, Reply)

Pedantic, I know, but:
Diarrhoea is spelt 'Diarrhoea', not 'Diarrhea'.
( Awesome Welles petitioning for foetuses to be rebranded 'wombles', Fri 18 May 2007, 20:12, Reply)

* on a budget
Want to eat on a budget ?
Just dont goto Aldi or Lidl, eat your own excremenet instead, it will be far more nutricious and will streach your dole money even further !
Want cheap booze, fill up with Tesco unleaded, say your heart filter got effected and claim compensation.
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Fri 18 May 2007, 20:02, Reply)

Cats on a budget
Run out of Cats ?
Goto the local korean resteraunt on a friday when they have run out of dog, you can get cheap cat.
Dont forget cheap lidl wine on the way home tho
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Fri 18 May 2007, 20:00, Reply)

Cat Food on a budget
Cat Hungry ?
No Money ?
Get Aldi cat food - after having his cat food eating as pate, he will be more than happy with aldi cat food.
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Fri 18 May 2007, 19:59, Reply)

Pate on a budget
Lidl cat food makes a great replacement for fancy pate, your guests wont notice after a couple of glasses of what counts for wine from Lidl
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Fri 18 May 2007, 19:58, Reply)

Suffering from hard skin?
Simple, get some Chamomile tea bags, soak them in hot water for a few seconds and place on the area of hard skin. In a few days the skin will become softer.

Also works for pierced areas, place tea bag over a new piercing and the skin wont get hard, allowing your piercing to heal.
(Laxly, Fri 18 May 2007, 19:11, Reply)

here's a tip
Don't eat yellow snow.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 18 May 2007, 18:51, Reply)

Lots of little scratches on your CD's?
Stick it in the freezer in the case for half an hour, then give it a wipe with a soft CD cloth and they'll all dissappear!
(Mr Torture Oh no! Not the BEEEEEEEEEEES!, Fri 18 May 2007, 18:23, Reply)

Removing security screws
Some security screws on electronics can be removed by taking a cheap Bic biro (you know, the clear ones), removing the insides, melting the fat end with a lighter then pressing firmly against the screw until it solidifies again. (Hopefully it won't melt the plastic casing on the electronics too). Can also be used to remove some screws with stripped heads.

Works a treat on old Sega hardware.
( benryves Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!, Fri 18 May 2007, 17:54, Reply)

cure hiccups #2
Just stand still and breathe in and out as slowly and steadily as you can. Very slowly, very steadily. Do it for at least a minute. Your diaphragm will calm down and stop spasming.

Not funny, but does work. Caution: may also make you fall asleep.
(no way hose is staring unemployment in the face on, Fri 18 May 2007, 17:36, Reply)

White Lines
Don't, Don't Do It.

Ok, kind of borrowed this one from Grandmaster Flash.
(Mozchops ... just not in the face, Fri 18 May 2007, 17:29, Reply)

wear
sunscreen
('Andeh', Fri 18 May 2007, 17:18, Reply)

Blood stains!
Best come out with spit. Luvly enzymes
(City wall is not doing much, Fri 18 May 2007, 17:02, Reply)

Top Tip
Research your top tips before putting them in a newsletter thats gonna be sent out to 50,000+ smart arse interweb geeks :)
(Ash_Pow is now available in extra medium, Fri 18 May 2007, 17:01, Reply)

Commuters!
Avoid getting your briefcase squashed during rush hour by putting it on the floor behind your legs, instead of on the empty seat next to you.

Because if you don't, I'll just sit on it. Selfish bastard.
(><(((">, Fri 18 May 2007, 16:55, Reply)

Hiccup cure
Think very hard about the next hiccup. For some reason, if you consciously wait for it, it doesn't come, and you'll be cured.
(lolwhites, Fri 18 May 2007, 16:39, Reply)

spelling diarrhea
diarrhea is a tough word to spell. fortunately, as my teacher once pointed out to the class, it is an acronym for:
diarrhea is always runny, rarely hard, exits assholes

she might not have actually said assholes.
(tomfantastic -it's a pleasure, Fri 18 May 2007, 16:37, Reply)

Wakey wakey!!!!
Need to stay awake without the use of illicit drugs?? Try this

Gently heat half pint of Coke Cola / Pepsi in a saucepan until nearly boiling. Add two teaspoons of instant coffee to a cup and stir in the coke / pepsi--- add sugar to taste (not much as it's sweet as fuk already). Allow to cool. Drink.
Welcome to Insomnia-vill.
(bugboybeast, Thu 17 May 2007, 15:00, Reply)