Out in town...
...need to fart but you're wearing headphones so are afraid that others will hear, but you won't know if it was noisy or not?

Don't worry about it, just let rip, then laugh to yourself.

Works for me.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 11:35, Reply)

When in a busy nightclub (the busier the better)
Go to the bar. Wave a £20 note while waiting to be served. Keep waving it until someone goes to serve you. When they are getting you the drink, swap the twenty in your hand for a tenner, then give the bar person the ten instead.

About 4 times out of 5 they'll give you the change for a twenty. Isn't psychology fun?
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 10:06, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Computer chair
Honestly

get a good computer chair.

I am boggled at the amount of people with nice leather couches, comfortable beanbags and shitty computer chairs. I mean ones made of black plastic and scratchy or slidy fabric that lean back exactly three degrees, the ones that we see everywhere and think "Oh, I've got a computer, I must get a computer chair that makes me rearrange my body every five minutes". Why not just drag your easy chair over in front of the computer and re-angle the monitor?

Me personally, I went to the thrift shop and laid down five dollars for a bright orange and green easy chair that swivels and rocks. Best chair I ever had.
(Poogle, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 9:37, Reply)

Here's a top tip;
try reading teh boards first before reposting the same "hiccup" solution that's seen this board approx 38 times already; that way you don't get flamed :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 9:32, Reply)

Cure hiccups,
By sticking a finger up your arse.
(fannymcslap Slap my mcfanny, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 8:58, Reply)

If a child is choking on an ice cube...
Simply pour boiling water down the throat to melt the ice and clear the blockage!
(aroe_m0rre, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 8:49, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Never EVER stop....
... in the middle of a hoedown.
(LunarJim, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 8:06, Reply)

Dear Mr Jagger
If lost when hiking, a Mars-bar can be a tasty alternative energy source.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 6:53, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

cooling
If you'd like a cool surprise
Pull the chain before you rise.
(blu-k, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 1:30, Reply)

Works every time
Got something stuck in your eye? Pull the offending eye's lid over the bottom one. This causes the eye to water. Then, simply blow your nose.

Since your tear ducts connect to your nasal passage, whatever was stuck in your eye will be washed out when you blow. Remember to make sure your eyelid is pulled out as far as you can for maximum effectiveness.

Trust me
(fox_handybread, Tue 5 Dec 2006, 0:36, Reply)

If your car has been hit from behind and your back lights are broken,
remove the sharp, broken stubs of the bulbs by 'screwing' a small potato onto the stub and then removing the bulb in the normal manner.
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 22:24, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

TOP TIP
you're all fucking terrible, this page should be cancelled
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 21:35, Reply)

Ex-Girlfriends
When the ex-girlfriend tells you she's finally over you emotionally but would really like to get together for a quick non-emotional shag - JUST SAY NO!
(AddisonTXGuy, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:31, Reply)

MEN!
When asked whether items of clothing enlarge certain parts of the female body, honesty is never the best policy.
(luckymcdanger, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:19, Reply)

dont be a fool
wrap your tool
(jammsoftheclanns live forever or die trying, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:16, Reply)

rodent toilets
the whites from hard boiled eggs make ideal 'urinals' for small rodents.
(dukefukem, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:16, Reply)

One from Viz
When getting chased by police dogs, avoid trying to escape throught assualt courses. I ran over a see-saw, jumped through a hoop, but I got caught weaving in and out of some sticks!!!
Pissed mesel when i read that!!
(lankynyack, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:15, Reply)

if you fall down
make sure no one is looking
(jammsoftheclanns live forever or die trying, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 20:12, Reply)

when in newcastle...
...travel on the Metro in pairs, only buy one ticket between the two of you. If stopped by an inspector tell him/her you lost your ticket. When asked to produce it at a later date take your friends. Also, never pay more than 1.30 for your ticket, inspectors only ever check the date.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 19:37, Reply)

A Top Tip
A Top Tip from me would be to text the fittest girl in your Phonebook and ask them if they "like it up the bum."
Trust me,its hilarious.
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 19:28, Reply)

top tip from the top tipster
Always back a winning horse.
(luckymcdanger, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 17:02, Reply)

Torque Wrenches.
Save money on expensive torque wrenches!
(This works on all thread sizes)

Tighten the nut / bolt until the head shears off then simply back off half a turn or 180 degrees.

.
( Unklian Lives in the only country where "Glass" is a verb., Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:57, Reply)

Don't ever ever,
put a small amount of gunpowder between two bolts secured by a nut, and then put the resulting 'bomb'(for want of a better word) onto a lit gas cooker.

Trust me on this.
( Lord & Lady Pants, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:56, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Cure hiccups!
...drink a swig of vinegar.

Seriously, works every time. Probably because you're trying so hard not to vomit you forget to hiccup.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:54, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

sticks and stones...
will more than likely result in fractures/broken bones.
Name calling will not result in any physical damage to the skeletal system however.
(Handel blah blah blah, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Superglue
Superglue bonds with moisture, so wet one of the surfaces to be joined (with water or spit) and put glue on the other and voila - an instant join.
(kitescreech still here, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 16:11, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

limescale
Lots of dirty-looking limescale in your toilet under the water line?

Fill it with vinegar - one of the cheap half-litre bottles from the supermarket should do it (two if you're really filthy). Leave it as long as you can, preferably overnight. And flush.

Clean, isn't it? (Your bathroom will smell of fish and chips, though.)
(pandora peroxide thinks it's a blocker, master! on, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 15:31, Reply)

Free money
I've found it pays to keep your eyes peeled if you're anywhere near where people are paying in cash (like supermarket queues or pubs). I regularly pick up cash from these places, you can spot banknotes from some distance but people often walk straight past without noticing. It's especially good in very crowded bars (like at gigs or club nights). I've left clubs before with more money than I arrived with.
( shrinking man Been away a while, time I ventured back, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 15:28, Reply)

having trouble putting a duvet cover on by yourself?
Turn the cover inside-out. Put your arms right inside it, and grasp the two far corners from the inside. Then grab the two top corners of the duvet, and shake your arms like a bastard.

Hey Presto! The cover 'unrolls' itself over the duvet to end up the right way out, with you still holding the top corners.

Cover changed in one minute flat.
(no way hose is staring unemployment in the face on, Mon 4 Dec 2006, 15:26, Reply)