Youth Hostel Voyeurism
I travel a lot and when and when it comes to accommodation I tend to stay in the more affordable option; shared dorms in youth hostels. The unwritten rule of youth hostels; is that when sharing with complete strangers it’s generally bad form to bring anyone back to your dorm.

When you travel for a long time you inevitably get urges, (usually combined with local booze), and think that no-one will notice. So sneaking back to your bed with a fellow traveller in the early hours of the morning for some of the most awkward silent sex surrounded by strangers may seem like a good idea at the time but you can guarantee that everyone will have known exactly what has been going on. Of course I only realised this the following morning from the looks of contempt from my room-mates and the generally unfriendly atmosphere that hung around me and said fellow traveller for the rest of our stay.

Also youth hostels generally don’t tend to offer too much privacy. Just last weekend I was at a hostel in Latvia which seemed to have an army of local ladies cleaning the place 24-7. Stepped out of the shower in all my freakish nakedness to be greeted by a very attractive woman who was cleaning the bathroom. Not sure how long she’d been there but I couldn’t help but notice the look of disappointment as I emerged from behind the frosted shower screen…….

Length – I’d just had a cold shower as the hot water had ran out……..
(Rev O'Lucian will unfortunatly age on, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:43, Reply)

Question!
Is it still voyeurism if you watch yourself.

I've recently had an intimate peircing done and I cant stop looking at it. Every opportunity I get. Its knickers down and mirror out. I could draw a contour map of my fanny from memory by now.

I cant wait to get the jewellery changed and then I can look at it again for a different reason.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:42, Reply)

Paper thin walls

We lived in an old terraced house. The walls were pretty much knackered so were covered with a thin sheet of pasteboard and the obligatory woodchip wallpaper which basically kept the plaster & mortar from falling down. However, it also meant that the slippage caused a few 'sound holes' to appear where everything from next door could be overheard very, very clearly.

The woman on one side of us was a very prim and proper local government manager in her early to mid '40's. She didn't much approve of myself and my housemates dole-scrounging, dope-smoking, daytime telly-watching lifestyle and would make pointed remarks about it in a sniffy manner. We smiled at her and kept a civil tongue all the while knowing what we knew.

Unknown to her, there was a 'sound hole' right over the head of her bed. We could hear her begging her boyfriend to "Treat me dirty", "Call me a fucking whore" etc and then gasp, pant and moan as she got her weekly service. After one of her occasional disapprovals of a house party of ours or what have you, we'd invite people round to listen in on her weekend bedroom antics as a form of payback. We even tried recording her a couple of times but it was too indistinct.
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:37, Reply)

"Wanking myself frigid"
I was having a wank. I was a student, and, well, you know how it is.

Anyway, there I was, tongue poking out the side of my mouth, strumming away at a rateof knots, nearing the moment of no return when in walk 3 mates.

They make embarrassed noises and I, aware that this could be an incident I'm reminded of a lot if I show fear or embarrassment, swallow my pain, give a cheery wave and say "Alright boys, just wanking myself frigid. Give me 5 will you?"

They went, I swore, and the day progressed.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:33, Reply)

The day after
A few years ago, I had a very good friend with whom I used to talk about our various life problems all night on MSN. We were far apart so we didn't get to see each other that often, but when we did, it was always a lot of fun -- nothing sexual, just hanging out.

One day however, we had both just broken up with our respective partners and felt like complete shit, so we decided to go out with a couple of his friends. A few hours later we were both insanely drunk, and of course, mutual comforting ensued... pleasuring each other a few blocks away from where the party was, in the middle of the street - quite classy, I know. After a while we decided it was time to go home. When we arrived at his studio a friend of his was already sleeping in his bed, and as everything was in the same room, we decided to keep it civilized and not fuck each other. A few drinks later however, we were of course fucking each other on the couch/floor, keeping an eye on the friend, who appeared to be very drunk and very asleep.

The next day, as they both walked me back to the train station, his friend said to me: "glad you enjoyed it last night, I had fun wanking to you two".

I was mortified.
(St. Dymphna, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:27, Reply)

oh yeah
i forgot all about this one, circa 94

i've just turned 17, and I'm staying with my uncle in Germany with his hot German missus. She has an even hotter, younger sister. We're all at the wedding of their Dad, a lovely fella who likes the odd beer (Germans can be cool you know).

One of the hot sister's hobbies is belly dancing. For some reason, part of the wedding afters included a show by her and her equally hot mates who all have the same belly and ass shaking interests...

So the night wore on and I've pretty much destroyed 1 of the 3 kegs on hand. The belly dancing is about to begin. Outside having a smoke with my uncle he gestures up and in a 2nd story window can be seen what can only be described as a full harem of stupidly fit women all disrobing and getting changed for the belly dancing show.

Subtlety is not one of my talents. When I was 17 and hammered I was about as blunt as a rusty brick.

So in front of all the wedding guests I start gesticulating wildly hollering something that probably sounded like 'uuuurrrgh titsssss holy shiiiiit, look, holy, fugggin hell, jaysus, nakedness' and so forth. Made a complete tit of myself in front of most of the wedding guests who had come out to see what the ruckus was about.

The best bit was when this granny came over to me and said, in a beautifully clipped Bavarian accent, 'You know young man, ve normally have to pay for peep shows in Germany.'

She was right too.
(shanvishnu, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:11, Reply)

Back in the day...
...when I was a rampant, rutting, stallion of a man, not the pathetic excuse for an arse-potato that I am now (did anybody use ‘arse-potato’ in the insults QOTW?). Anyhoooo, I was in a satisfyingly lengthy relationship with what could only be described as a ‘fine young filly’

Now we were very young, delirious and devoted. This was our first ‘serious’ relationship; we were anxious to please, cater to whims and generally willing to do anything to keep each other happy (ooh if only you could see the cheesy grin on my face as I reminisce here…ahhh).

I had borrowed my dad’s (shit-heap shed) of a car and taken this fair maiden out for drinks one evening, as young couples invariably do.

We talked, we laughed, we drank. The evening went swimmingly – she looked beautiful, I was glowing with pride to be seen with such a divine creature, and we were in love. Real love. As we left the pub, we held hands and as we approached the car, we kissed, gently at first, but then with the increasing intensity of a couple that were struggling to contain the raw passion of our raging young hormones. After what seemed a mere blissful heartbeat of a tryst that I never wanted to end, it was time to chauffeur my beloved angel back to the safety of her mum & dad’s house.

I knew I would start missing her the second I dropped her off. Just her smile and the smell of her perfume was more intoxicating than the alcohol; and the way she had held me tightly – as if each embrace could be our last moment on earth, it all combined to make the evening so special. I thought to myself – ‘I must savour every wonderful romantic moment, bask in the glory that I was experiencing at such a young age what some men are never fortunate to enjoy in a lifetime, and most importantly, that I must cling to this sweet vision of perfect loveliness, respect her always, and never take her feelings for granted, for she should be treated like a queen.

As we drove down an idyllic country lane, she leaned over towards me and in her husky, silky, breathy tones, she spoke:

“Get your cock out, I wanna suck you off”

‘Fucking Get in!’ I thought, as she undid the safety belt and slid towards my flies.

(Did I neglect to mention that when the mood took her, this bird was ruder than opening a Chubby Brown DVD, only to find bonus hardcore orgy grumble flicks and a sachet of Vaseline inside?)

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t need asking twice (does anybody?). As she carefully cups my balls, she alternates between taking my shaft deep into her mouth, and expertly moving her tongue up and down, up and down, making those delicious ‘mmm’ noises.

She guides my hands onto her sublime, heaving breasts and massages my palm into her bra, whilst hitching up her skirt, not just to reveal her shapely thighs, but to make it clear for me to see every move of her delicate fingers as she parts her panties to one side and probes within herself, rubbing and sliding, gyrating on waves of pleasure.

‘Crikey Charlie, this ain’t gonna take long’ I think to myself, becoming more aware that the road really wasn’t the thing I wanted to be concentrating on.

I therefore pull into the first dark off-road I can find, grappling to keep control as I drive down a gravel track into an area of deserted marshy woodland. She starts to move faster on both me and herself, shovelling as much of my grateful cock into her mouth as she can handle.

I stop the car and have a quick look around. The coast is clear. ‘Lean back and enjoy it Pooflake, you fucking jammy bastard!’ I think to myself. We now had all the time in the world.

I rest my hand gently on the top of her head and stroke her hair as we glide together towards an amazing crescendo. I lean my head back on the seat and stare at the roof as my toes begin to curl upwards.

The noise and speed were increasing. We were both gushing towards the heavenly point of no return. With ecstatic lethargy, my head slowly turns to gaze out of the drivers’ side window…

To see a massive fucking German Shepherd with both paws on the window gawping about 2 inches from my face. Holding its leash was the equally fucking massive gamekeeper of the private land I had inadvertently strayed onto.

“WOOOOOF” said the dog
“What’s going on here?” Said the gamekeeper
“Huuuuuuuurgghhhhhhhhh” Said me, as I coughed my filthy cock-custard into my girlfriend’s mouth.

For all her blessed gifts and multi-talents, this young lady wasn’t a swallower. She promptly yacked my muck back out all over my lap and coat as I fumble for the car keys muttering “oo-er, ermmm, wha-I wha-I, mmmf, fuck”

I sped off, wheelspinning gravel into the gamekeeper’s face with my tadger (now limply) hanging out, covered in my own spluffy man-milk and a girlfriend wondering what the blithering shagsticks was going on.

I vowed from that day forth, all future blow jobs I received would be within the safe confines of a secure bedroom.

I was lying to myself…

(Part 2 on it’s way)

Length? I don’t know how long he was stood there. But on reflection, if it had been more than 2 minutes, I should have charged the cunt. She was brill.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:11, Reply)

I'm sure I've told this before,
but the lad who had rented my previous residence before I moved in left a 'treat' under the mattress. Namely, some glossy-mag type pictures of shaved muscle-men with collagen-enhanced lips getting rather intimate with each other.

I consider it a small mercy that these pictures had no suspicious stains on them.

Oh, and the lad who lives in the room below sometimes porks his lass in the small hours - this is quite audible and is usually followed by an argument, in which he loses his temper and she winds up sobbing. Fortunately, the house is soundproofed well enough that I can't actually make out what they're saying at all.

Now click 'I Like This'. Don't argue, just do it.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:10, Reply)

Blah blah blah
saw some people having sex..blah....blah...blah they were shocked....blah.....blah......hilarity.
( Peej, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 12:06, 1 reply)

I watched
myself having a wee the other day.


Gave me a hard on.
(nappy rash, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:57, Reply)

Bird! Blokes! Cameras! Shame!
My housemates, Neil and Matt had gone out. Jim and I had stayed in, smoking and drinking, and doing the odd pill. Consequently we were horny as a field full of stags as was Neil when he got in. Matt was also feeling excitable and he had a bird with whom to slake his foul lust.

Neil skinned up and sat down, we got chatting, and a plan was formed. We could hear some odd noises from Matt's room, and in we went. The girl shrieked, Matt, with his cock embarrassingly flaccid, yelled, and we pissed ourselves laughing.

Neil started to take the piss, Matt got the hump, Neil offered to take his place. She said she wasn't a bit of meat and deserved respect as she began tugging at Neil's trousers. Matt came back downstairs and confessed they'd done some speed, so Neil was unlikely to satisfy her either.

Bursting in, we found that this was so. More laughter, an annoyed and frustrated girl, and what else could a gentleman do?

I beat Jim to it, hopped into bed and began to have a whale of a time.

Mid shag, in a position that exposed everything, the door burst open. In piled the boys, armed with Jim's camera. Photos were taken, the girl began to pose (I was less enthusiastic and left them to it. Sort of) and in no time chaos had descended.

Suffice to say these pictures still exist and are brought out on reunions. My expression in them is priceless, although I'm proud of my (once) toned body and firm erection.

Fun and games at Uni, eh.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:49, Reply)

Fanta Menace the gay wank fodder.

I had a groundfloor room in a large house which had been converted into poky bedsits. Seeing as I had a decent paying job at the time, I could afford the second largest room with a separate kitchen. Unfortunately, I had to share the toilet/shower with the two other bedsits on my floor. The largest room, nextdoor, was occupied by a Scottish gay couple who were a pair of bitchy queens. They never worked and spent their days loafing about the house. They also had a habit of waiting for myself or the other tenant to top up the meter for the hot water and then siphon it all away at the last minute just as you were about to have a wash.

I'd had enough so decided on sponge baths in my kitchen using a baby bath which I'd bought at the local market. Everything was going to plan so I'd wash myself in the comfort of my cosy kitchen with nobody stealing my hot water.

One morning, as I performed my ablutions, I could hear a soft moaning. I carried on sponging myself down but could still hear a noise. I turned round towards the back door and saw an eye pressed up against the quarter inch gap between the opaque film and the frame. The back door faced the back door of the gay couples room three feet away. As I uttered "What the fuck?" The eye disappeared and their back door slammed shut.
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:48, Reply)

First experience of voyeurism
Whilst meeting the ex-girlfriends friends for the first time down in Brighton, we were all out as a group having a drink on the beach front at about 11am in the morning. Now as a slightly annoying work habit I had at the time (I used to be a surveyor and would study any building in great detail, imagining how I would take an elevation) I happened to notice that on one of the top floor balconies of a rather large hotel overlooking the beach front there was a couple stark naked going for it ferociously with her bent over looking down at us.
“Get in” says I, with a nod towards the balcony. Everyone around the table looks up, but the most anyone else says is “ooh look at that” and they promptly go back to their conversation.
This to be honest left me a little bewildered as to how the others could shrug of a sight such as that so easily, I looked around at the other tables full of people drinking and noticed that pretty much everyone else there had noticed the couple as well as me and were grinning manically, great thinks I, I’m not the only pervert around here!
So I, along with the rest of the onlookers (everyone else in the vicinity except my table!) carry on watching, until of course the couple come to a rather impressive finish which is promptly greeted with a loud cheer from many of the onlookers, including myself, which promptly earned me a table full of scowls and a slap across the arm followed with a request from the ex for me to go and get another round of drinks with a suggestion of “perhaps you could think about growing up whilst your at the bar?!”
I really miss my ex and her friends...
( MonkeyOfCode is your favourite waste of time, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:38, Reply)

once on holidays
with my family in Majorca (yes, package holiday bliss) back when i was about 12 or so. Hot birds in bikinis. Tits oot and everything. What a great place for a pubertful young lad to perve. Happy days.

Except one morning when I happened to peer out our appartment window to get a right eyeful of another family, in their appartment with their curtains open, potting about getting ready for a day at the beach...

Mum and Dad are totally naked. With their kids running about the place with snorkels and whatnot. It wasn't pretty. The Mum was hairier than the Dad.

It took perviing at 4 pairs of pert bikini-less breasts down the beach later that day to get shanvisnhu junior back in action.
(shanvishnu, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:31, Reply)

Catman
A few years ago, a friend of mine was visiting me at my old apartment. We found an old slide projector and decided to have a slide show with my parents' old pictures from the '70s and '80s. The best surface turned out to be the bare concrete wall on the balcony, so we set it up out there. My apartment overlooks a parking lot which is dark at night, so we had the idea to shine the projector on the ground. It worked better with some images than others. Actually, you can see what it looked like here:
www.angelfire.com/apes/digitalgrotto/031slide.html

By far the best slide was of a cat Jack-o-lantern my dad carved. We flashed it all over the parking lot and said we were using the Cat-signal to summon Cat-man. Eventually that night, we thwarted two crimes:

1) Two shady kids walking through the parking lot were trying to open all the car doors. When they saw the Cat-Signal they knew what was in store and ran to their homes, where they repented.
2) A girl went into a dark corner obviously to relieve herself. We didn't interrupt her until she was done, when she suddenly saw the Cat-signal, and beat a hasty retreat.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:30, Reply)

Voyeurs, FIGHT!!
Ok, this a long one, ooer vicar, but I've dined out on this story in many a pub exchange and it always gets a good laugh, so try and stay with me.

In York I lived 3 floors up and the back of our place where the bedroom was located was opposite the back end of all the hotels in the next street along. When retiring to bed due to the fact our bed was against a wall on 2 sides and my other half was normally already in there on the outside edge, I had to stand on the end of it then 'fall back' in to get into it, and as the end of the bed was right next to the window and we always kept our curtains open for airflow in the summer, the last event of the night was normally to have a quick exchange of partial to full nudity with those opposite doing the same thing, normally nothing too unusual or shocking, often a bit of a wave and a giggle, especially with German tourists about.

Anyway, at some point I find myself in an odd situation, some chap opposite I notice is having sex with some skinny lass with an incredible amount of extremely bright lighting and the large window wide open, curtains back, exposed to the planet, with lots of unnecessary noise. Well, obviously, you take a look, don't you, and this becomes a regular thing about every other week, but after just a few nights I realise this is a bit odd, especially as the skinny lass gets replaced by another equally skinny lass each session, and having noticed the video camera one night it dawns on me he's shooting cheap lumpy porn, with him as the main star!

Well, not exactly a problem you may think, except said DIY pornstar starts to object to me seeing his performance, and we get this rather bizarre situation where when he's doing his thing and I'm about to get into bed, he starts running to the window, bits wobbling everywhere, and ranting at me about being a 'Durty little c*nt' and such!

Pot, kettle, black and all that, and I'm thinking 'Well I'll be damned if I'm gonna turn off me lights and draw me curtains to hide myself from some evidently bonkers naked bloke who feels the need to do it open to the world, then gets pugilistic that folks can see it, especially when he's presumabley gonna distribute the resultant video!' so I keep on doing my thing as always, sometimes lingering longer just to annoy the objectional little twunt, he keeps escalating his victim rant thing, and after a while going to bed or even just walking by the window becomes an annoying trial-by-naked-nutter, the main phrase of annoyance being 'You wanna see a REAL MAN, do ya, eh!?', when we're talking some paunchy Paul Calf lookalike replete with moustache and mullet and a knob like an Iceland frozen carrot.

Any wonder he ain't hitting the bigtime...

So, what to do?

After discussing this 'problem' with friends one night in the pub and going through alsorts of possible ways to annoy this fellow back, from too silly ones like 'Have better sex than him by your window' to too serious ones like 'Go tell the police about it', and none of them feeling quite right, someone suggests 'Get a mate who's hung like a donkey to stand in front of your window and make him feel inadequate!'.

Now at that time I don't know any mates hung like a donkey, least of all any willing to come stand in me window on demand at 11pm at night, but this does gives me an idea:

Our windows are about 25-30 metres apart, quite a distance, and my window, unlike his, has a net curtain that further obscures things and the light is very much behind me, so I hit upon an idea to make a comedy pair of huge cock pants!

Yes, you heard me!

I got a pair of small briefs and some of that flesh coloured sticky bandage stuff (like plasters on a roll) and covered them in a strip of it at the front top edge to camouflage them, then a pair of old socks wrapped in more of same, and bish bash bosh, a wearable floppy knob to shame John Holmes and Jeff Stryker combined! Of course, close up it looks like a bairns arm that's been thru a mangle and a visit to very understaffed A&E, but from that distance and backlit...

So, on to the show, well, I must admit, I rather started to enjoy myself at this point, and I got right into my part, fnarr fnarr, and decided I would wrap a towel about myself and pretend I had just left the shower and 'accidentally' lose the towel at the window thereby exposing said appendage in a 'natural manner'.

So that night just before bed I look out for him doing his thing with my lights off, yup there they are, lights blazing, faux exclaiming away for the camera doggy style, facing the window, so I put me Frankenstein's Monster's Cock Pants on and wrap a towel round my waist, my curtains open, and on go the lights for the show.

A casual walk to the window, quick sly check without being obvious to see if I've attracted his attention and there he is, he's dropped his fellow 'actress' already, she's looking like 'Oh lord not this again' head on arm, probably thinking fag break time, and he's leaning out of his window ready and waiting, so I turn to our curtains and start tugging at them, but ooh, ooh they're stuck, and he's off, bait taken, he's ranting he's raving and doing his how very dare you thing, but gosh, these curtains aren't moving are they, so he's going ballistic by this point, self induced indignant enragement like a Daily Mail reader outside a Paediatrician, so I take my other hand off the towel to aid moving these troublesome drapes, thus unleashing the beast, who makes a proud silhouette in my net curtains!

Suddenly, we have silence.

There is a second or two of confusion on my part, I continue for a moment in my 'Stuck curtains' mime, fake schlong a schwinging, then, too curious anymore not to see what's going off, I look down, and I find he's looking up, she's sitting on her haunches doing the same, our eyes meet, and there is a brief frozen moment where nobody knows what to do and I wonder if this was all a good idea after all, when suddenly, bang zoom, he launches himself off his sill backwards, slams the sash window shut, and if it's possible to slam curtains too, he does!

SCORE!! I punch the air, and that was the end of the problem, never saw or heard from him again.

I didn't even get a chance to shout 'Sorry for the length, mate!' ;)

Tee hee hee...
( ..wil, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:29, Reply)

Filthy Carpark Sex
Very stoned on my way to meet my (now ex) girlfriend from work I had to walk round the Lake by the shopping mall Lakeside where all the multi storey carparks are.
Shocked as i was and rubbing my eyes a bit to make sure i wasnt hallucinating saw a bloke fwapping away at some womans behind by the side of the carpark.

Wouldnt have been so bad, but they were both about 40 and i suspect they may have met whilst shopping.
Woman clocked me and just covered herself and sat down while her bloke zipped up and tried not to act suspicious.
(rossydizzle, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:29, Reply)

Drink! Bird! Shag! Weed!
I'd been out with a few friends for a few drinks. The evening wore on, and I began to feel dunker and drunker. I was pounced upon by a girl a year or two older, in fact, she was a senior student employed by the Uni to keep troublesome freshers out of trouble.

We had a snog in the club (Republic) and I was egged on by friends to go home and sleep with her. Frankly I didn't need any encouragement.

We got home and rushed into my room discarding clothes willy nilly as we went. We leapt into bed, and after a little warming up we were off!

Suddenly the door flew ooen, the light came on, and two drunken friends stumbled in. Hannah and I froze, as did Andy and Drew, and for a brief minute there was a frozen tableaux of two shocked men, another surprised man, and a woman, still bouncing gently, tits at the high port, before she screamed and we made an attempt at modesty.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" I yelled.
"Erm, got any weed mate?" they replied.
"In the drawer. Now fuck off. I'm busy!" I concluded.

They took the weed, and Hannah took a great deal of convincing to continue. On went another johnny, and away we went. She had her face buried in the pillow, I was savouring the view of her bum, the door flew open.

"Got any rizla?"

This time Hannah was inconsolable, and ran home. I wiped my willy and went into the living room and skinned up. If you can't beat em and all that.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:21, Reply)

Aural equivalent of voyeurism
A friend of mine had a flatmate whom we shall call "C". C's girlfriend was a screamer (he was none too quiet either), and the walls of the flat were thin.

My friend and his other flatmates would give C and Ms C ice-skating-style marks the morning after for technical merit and artistic interpretation.

C was not impressed. Nor were the judges, arf.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:01, Reply)

Beware Bay Windows
Whilst at Uni in Glasgow I had a boyfriend who lived in a beautiful big tenement flat in the West End. His bedroom was next to the living room and they both had bay windows. Because the street was on a hill and it was a top floor flat the rooms weren't overlooked so it felt really private.

One day his flatmate's family were visiting from Hong Kong - mum, dad and innocent little 14 year old sister. Boyfriend & I decided a bit of afternoon delight was in order, so there we were in his room, him doing me enthusiastically from behind on the floor in the bay window, when something made me look up... to see a very shocked 14 year old Chinese girl looking across at us from the bay window in the living room.

No-one said anything, but I didn't go back to the flat until his flatmate's family were at 30,000 feet on their way back to the Orient.
(I Love Your Shoes, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 11:01, Reply)

I am cruel
he was just on the point of vinegar strokes in the back of the car on Cannock Chase when I march up to the car window and tap gently on the glass, evil bastard that I am!
She, who is sat astride, riding like one of the Valkyrie, leaps off his lap and buries her face in the car seat.
We'd watched you all the way until that point, arrival, move from front seats to back, her undoing her blouse and baring her ample chest then jumping onto his todger, oh waht joy!
(Hugh Jambton Wun Hung Lo's mate, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:54, Reply)

Primary School, Circa 1978
As a budding young offender, after joining my second Primary Educational Institution, I was quickly accepted into a "cru" (or as we used to refer to them in the 1970's - a gang), and we spent our playtimes and quite a large proportion of our lesson times as well causing havoc for teachers and pupils alike.

One lunch hour we had finished our lunches, and having nothing better to do, and no other children to torment, we decided to put clingfilm over the pans in the girls toilets.

En-route to the kitchen (to get the clingfilm, you understand), we passed the semi-open door to our classroom, and heard some grunting noises emanating from within.

We were too young to expect that our matriarchal infant class teacher was getting plugged by the headmaster, which was lucky because she wasnt.

On investigating, we discovered Christopher Lillicrap (yes, that really was his name) taking a dump in the sandpit. Open mouthed we watched through the crack in the door as he strained out not one, but two enormous christmas logs, wiped his rusty sherrif's badge on his exercise book and hastily covered his work over like a ghastly tomcat, in the hope no-one would find out.
(Vic Flange, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:48, Reply)

New years treat
Once had an apartment (posh flat) in docklands. Our kitchen window overlooked a 2 storey mezzanine type studio flat with floor to celing windows.

In the flat lived an attractive young lady who was probably an escort. She would often have a man, a woman, two men, two women, a man and a women and shag them on the sofa, the floor and the bed, all with no curtains to hide them. I could be washing up while watching a lesbian 69 session. I have never done so much washing up.

I told this to my friends who were convinced I was either making it up or exaggerating it a little. We held a new years party at my place and all the time my friends were continually checking the kitchen window to verify my story. Then Fat Dave calls out something along the lines of "Bloody Hell!" About twenty people gather around the small window to witness a chap giving the girl a good pounding at which point, he looks up and directly at our window. After a quiet pause of about 2 seconds of us watching him and him watching us, we all in unison raised our glasses and cheered! Soon after, curtains were hung and the dirty dishes stacked up once more.

Also, the apartment complex would get very hot in the summer and everyone had their windos open. A few times a week someone nearby would have very noisy sex that everyone could hear, actual proper full on screaming. One night at about 1am, she climaxed, waking me from my sleep, I walked to the window, shouted "Wooo" and clapped. Then I heard a whistle from across the flats, then a cheer, then a big manly "Yeah!!!", followed by a numerous other applauds from other open windows. She was quieter after that.
(spunkyD, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:35, Reply)

PJM
Your bikini story reminds me of the time I was pootling around in the sea in Genoa. Wading ashore, I ended up with an eyeful of misplaced gusset from... eugh. Mutton dressed as lamb? If only. Mutton dressed as haggis. In a tiny, fluorescent yellow bikini.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:33, Reply)

My parents woke me up shagging
I'm desperately trying to think of something that's not related to sex…
So.
Public breastfeeding. What the fuck is up with that?
I'm at a stage in my life where my hormones are playing up and I'm as broody as a clutch of hens. As a bloke this isn't normal and leads to all sorts of peado-related dilemmas.
So when ever I see a little baby, I pull a face like a mong and dribble a happy smile. So staring at a baby with a happy grin. Fine?
That is attached to a naked tit? What's the etiquette on that?
It’s a natural thing, the baby needs feeding and you don't want to make the mum uncomfortable. So carry on staring at a her breast and have her thinking you're a pervert?
Or try to be decent and give her a moment of privacy and make her feel like a social leper, that her breast and child are so ugly you can't bring yourself to look?

I do what any kind, caring, sensitive, modern thinking man does.
Blush and flee.
( Weejock, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:27, Reply)

Ways to wake up
6AM on a saturday morning...

I was walking down the cycle path from my house at the time to the local railway station, to get a train to god knows where. Backing onto the cyclepath were some newly built (and indeed, some still being built) flats.

I spied a light on in one of said flats, and thought to myself "oh, people have moved in now" and looked over.

I was greeted by the sight of a middle aged woman, not unpleasant to look at mind, sprawled over her sofa pleasuring herself. She was wearing a dressing gown, but it was wide, wide open, so I could appreciate everything.

I did watch for a little while, and then had to rush for my train, which isn't easy when you've got an erection!
(Neddy Nedson is nice really, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:24, Reply)

Email Voyeurism
I few years back I got royally dumped. However during the months of love and romance leading up to this she gave me access to her email for whatever reason. Anyway I discovered that post-dumping she hadnt changed her password. I knew it was a one in a million chance to use it to full effect. Anyway I waited for my chance... ignored various emails to her new fella ("its not you its me wackers... we have just grown apart...." bitch). Anyway found and particularly incriminating email to this fella and spammed it to all her friends and family. If I wanted revenge I got it a thousand fold. But I dont feel that good about it as it left her rather distraught having to make various explanations to friends and family. Needless to say I was painted the victim and she was single within about a week. Oh.... she changed her password after that.

Length? 2 months of email voyeursim. They should lock me up.
(wackers1, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:24, Reply)

When i was 12 my brother caught me fucking a hoover



that is all.
( two_hats_shakir is going break dancing after his tea, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:24, Reply)

Sunbathing
A friend of mine used to visit naturist beaches and could often find others on the beach willing to rub suncream into those awkward to reach places. Occasionally this would lead on to something more on the beach, including at least once a full spurty climax on the pebbles, no doubt with a few intersted bathers looking on.
(Glen Moranjie, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 10:24, Reply)