Talkin bout movies
THE HOLE in 3d. You will be better off finding a real hole in real 3d and throwing your money down it. Thank god I was working and wasn't wasting my own money on it.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 22:43, 1 reply)

I
drink.
(Dyslexic Pidgeon, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 22:40, 7 replies)

Not me but my second-born
He bought "Drag Me to Hell". On fucking Blue-Ray I might add. A bigger waste of plastic I have yet to see. It's not worth the wear and tear on the PS3's laser.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 21:56, 14 replies)

Arriving in Bangkok airport
I was greeted by a friendly looking Thai lady offering me a taxi, I explained I had no Thai money on me at the time, so she took me to a cash machine and waited while I took out some money.

Feeling bad that she had waited around for me and not knowing any other way to get a taxi I asked her how much. 800 baht, she replied, which back then was about £20. I knew it would take about half an hour to get to the centre so it seemed reasonable to me. After giving her a 1000 baht note, she looks at me and very slowly and deliberately counts out 6 notes into my hand. I wasn't fully aware of the denominations of Thai currency but I was pretty sure they didn't have 33.333 baht notes, so I waited smiling with my hand outstretched, and she smiled and give me a couple more notes. Satisfied I sat down to wait, thinking smugly to myself, I may have just got off a 13 hour flight and am tired as fuck, but you still have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch out the Captain.

Half an hour later of waiting my smugness started to dwindle, they had finally recruited another willing passenger and we were bundled into a taxi.

An uncomfortable ride later I get to my destination on Khao San road, where I learnt from other travellers that a taxi from the airport should cost around 50 baht.

Whilst the amount of money lost was fairly small, the lesson was invaluable, don't trust the natives. It held me in good stead throughout Asia and South America, and probably helped me avoid, having all my possessions stolen, all kinds of s.t.d.s, massive bar tabs, coming home with ill fitting suits and expensive polished glass, being used as a drugs mule, losing a kidney and being sold into the sex trade. All the above may or may not have happened to people I know.
(Little Animal Disaster isn't finishing what he started, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 21:35, 18 replies)

Toilet paper
Yes, we all respect the soft stuff. Man and woman. Especially when it doesn't break through as your softly cushioned probing "main finger" drives halfway up the manhole (personhole?) to clean anything from gravelly hard lumps to gravy-like unending shite from the ring.

Fuck that. There is a sink and soap in the bathroom. Use your hand (hands? one needs to control tapses and soap) and stop wasting my fucking expensive paper.

Hell, toothbrushes are cheap enough and we keep several of those in the bathroom cabinet.

Length? Two sheets minimum before gay shit finger action.
(Klangtarnflatchslapper looks just like a Telefunken U-47, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 21:33, 24 replies)

Car insurance...
Nuff said.
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 20:58, 8 replies)

Chiropractor
The new GF regularly visited a chiropractor for back problems. Wanting to curry favor, I went too. There was a weird cult-like energy about it: sort of a 1920's version of Scientology, featuring dusty human skeletons with tell-tale spider webs as totems. Not trusting him with my spine, I suggested he focus on my troublesome feet. For a half hour every visit, he pulled and pulled on my toes with enthusiastic energy, until it hurt to walk. I had to fake a conversion to yoga to squirm out of that.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 20:46, 7 replies)

radley bags
my sister is on her second mortgage. she needs to be 3 feet taller, just so she can be up to her neck in debt, yet she and her husband spend money like it's going out of fashion. they went to disneyland last year, spending over £3k, despite the fact her husband had just lost his job and their house was in jeopardy. they're also going to vegas next year.
what really pisses on my chips, though, is her love of radley handbags. she spends an absolute fortune on them, but only ever uses one bag. they're no better than my plain black handbag, which i got for a whole £1 from a charity shop, they just have someone else's name on them. oh, and a stupid little leather dog label.
they sit in the wardrobe until she gets bored and sells them on ebay, always at a great loss.
seriously, what's the point of that?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 20:23, 33 replies)

David and Goliath
The boxing match with David Hay and the tall Russian bloke who looks like a tank. I was hyped up to watch it, paid for the Sky Sports pay-per-view thing and even stuck a 20 quid sky-bet on the result being that the Russian would smash him to bits (Come on, he was 7 feet tall!).

11 odd rounds of missed punches and flamboyant acting for the crowd to end in a win for Hay on points. YAAAAWN!!!

Never betting again.
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 20:05, 2 replies)

Huge waste of cash?
Anything with an Apple logo on it.
(Bad Monkey hasn't had an abusive gaz since, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 20:02, 25 replies)

Pizza.
True that it's something that all of us buy, but in my case the money was often wasted.

I would always be tasked with ordering the pizza because my wife (now ex) couldn't be bothered. The cheap shit from Pizza Hut that she always ordered was greasy and salty to my tastes, so I always ordered from Papa John's. And invariably it went like this:

*doorbell rings*

Me: "Okay, guys, pizza's here."

Kids: "YAY!"

Her: "You got Papa John's again?"

Me: "Yes, because the kids and I like it."

Her: *biting into a slice* "It's too saucy." *wolfing down a second slice* The sauce is too sweet." *wolfing down a fourth slice* "This pizza was terrible."

Well, the kids and I thought it was perfectly fine, and I noticed that she devoured five slices to my three, yet somehow she would bitch through the entire thing as she slurped and smacked her lips and chewed with her mouth open as she complained.

After a time I refused to order pizza and made it myself, and when she complained about mine I pointed her to the kitchen and told her to get her own fucking dinner as I was tired of wasting it on her.

Nowadays the kids and I order Papa John's and enjoy it much more.
( Wanderer, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 19:52, 6 replies)

I bought the lease for an Enterprise Inns pub
not a waste of money yet, but ask me after the farcical rent review.
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 19:28, 4 replies)

18 months ago I dove headlong into my forties....
...Mrs Shmoo decided that I had to have a big bash to celebrate the fact I was officially an old git.

Food and booze cost about £300
Karaoke system hire £90

Aftermath, which only became evident the next morning....
Carpet replacement for puke and fag burns £276
New TV to replace my 40" LCD £465
Three new doors to kitchen units £81
New glass for back door £37
Replacing Master Shmoo's fish which mysteriously died £23
Cleaning services from local 'Bright n Clean' maid service £40

Roughly £1,300 for a party I vaguely remember the first hour of.
( NooShmoo It's a fantazmagorical pile of ultra bollocks, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 19:22, 14 replies)

I did the worst of all.
I went back to college at the age of 35 to get an engineering degree.

Until that time I had been working in land development as a draftsman, drawing maps and sire plans and such. It didn't pay that well, but it did pay the bills at least... but then I had the opportunity to get a degree, and chose mechanical engineering. I had had enough of designing things to be built out of dirt- I wanted to work with machinery.

So I quit my job and went to school. As I went on an inheritance the loss of income was covered. I felt like I was on top of the world.

Only thing was, Nurse Ratched absolutely HATED the idea of me going back to school- after all, I was 35 and too old for such things. It Just Wasn't Done! And besides, I would be surrounded by cute little college age girls.

For fuck's sake. I was trying to get a degree to increase my income at least double, and honestly the thought of screwing a 19 year old feels a bit creepy to me- I prefer women my own age, thanks. But nothing I could say would make her happy, so she pretty much sandbagged my college career as much as she could as she saw it as a four year vacation.

We divorced in the midst of this, which cost me heavily as you can imagine. I had to get an apartment, so I was fucking broke now. And yet I persevered, and eventually got through it.

The first company I went to work for made plastic for injection molding. They ended up getting into hard times, so I moved on to a semiconductor factory that a friend was working in. After a couple of years the market for semiconductors got very volatile and the company was split (and folded a year later). Things looked grim so I jumped ship from there. Not a lot of jobs were out there, but there was contract work so I did that for a few years. Then the recession hit.

At this point I'm in a house that I bought while making semiconductors and being paid as an engineer, with a resume that shows a lot of job changes in a short time, in a city that has pretty much closed down most of its manufacturing industries, and have no job prospects. All of the surviving firms are preferring to overload the staff they have rather than hire new people. And because I now have an engineering degree, I'm overqualified to be a drafter and no one will hire me for that either. I'm not sure if I'll lose the house or not, but it's fucking close.

The last ten years has been a bigger waste of money than I ever would have feared.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 19:11, 24 replies)

2p machines
ah, the flashy lights, the tinkly music, the beguiling scents of candyfloss and doughnuts wafting on the breeze. fairground amusement arcades, don't you just love 'em?
well, i do.
i won't play on the 20p a go fruit machines, oh no. 10p a go, maybe, but i generally stick to those machines that have 2 ledges of 2p's on them, which you try to push off by inserting more 2p's. if you're lucky, you may win a keyring that's been precariously balanced on top of those shiny copper coins. if you're not lucky, you can put a few quid's worth of copper into these machines and not win back enough for a carton drink.
i finally realised i have a bit of a gambling problem when i left one of these arcades after blowing £80, with nothing to show for it but a keyring with a shark on it and one of those rubber finger monsters.
arse.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 19:06, 12 replies)

Boat...
Yes. A flippin' boat.

I've lived by the sea all my life, and a few years ago I sold my house and rented a flat for a while. Right on the sea. As you do, I bought a telescope to look out at sea. From where I was, I could clearly see France, and I could see French people sailing about in their boats and having what looked like to me, a lovely, free-as-the-air type time.
So, I bought a boat...for 500 quid.
Eventually, after reading about sailing and how to do it, I figured I knew enough to get in it and have a go.
I went into work, saw my boss; told him I was going sailing instead of coming in and then went and picked up my girlfriend from the pub.
We drove to a local lake, only to be told that whilst they allowed jet-skis, they didn't allow sailing boats as they were too dangerous(wtf??).
We drove to another load of natural lakes where my dad used to sail when I was a nipper. Back then, you could drive up to the lake, unhook your boat and get on with it. Now there were big wooden fences up with barbed wire on top and a sign saying something along the lines of "Danger. You Might Get Wet. No Admittance"
After much faffing about I decided that I'd go in the sea. I mean, the worse that can happen is that I end up in France or something.
So we take the boat back home and after much more faffing about and several pissed villagers giving advice on the rigging - one even rigged it up so the ropes hung out the back of the boat - we got into the water.
Of course, I forgot about the 'self-bailers' and quickly the boat filled with water. My girlfriend was becoming increasingly annoyed and eventually threw the rudder at me. It missed, but did end up in the drink, outside of the boat. Cue much hilarity. Not.
We floated about for a bit, and eventually the waves pushed us back to shore, where we struggled in mud to get the bloody thing out of the water and back onto the launching trailer.
Unbeknown to me at the time, my so-called mates were standing about on the sea wall pissing themselves with a pint each and a camera. Thanks for the help chaps!
So, three years later, I still have a wonderful looking, rather expensive garden ornament with a waterproof canvas cover.

Anyone want to buy a perfectly good, working Miracle?

Just be sure you know how to bloody sail the thing.

Pah! Another slightly romantic dream shattered!
(dchurch bah, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 19:05, 5 replies)

Online dating
At £15 a month for 6 monts I spent £90 to arange 3 dates.

First went well, she was pretty, funny, we seemed to click but she gave me some excuse about not having time.

Second, she didn't turn up, an old woman tried to buy me a coffee, but I pawned her off on a tramp.

Third was good, we had a laugh, got a little drunk, talked for hours before we realised it was almost time for the last bus train. Made plans for more dates but she kept dropping out last min. I got the picture gave up. Oh, and I shat myself a little walking home.

So all in all, a waste of my time and money.
(Mong goose, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:45, 8 replies)

Money Wasted
My mate used to live beside a forest. This was class and we used to spend long summers frolicking about in it. One fine day me and two friends came across a rather tatty but serviceable £20 note. Cue excited babbling about what to buy and if it would be better to split it or spend it in one go on something we could share.

As my two friends discussed the pro's and con's of what way to split the money I found my self tuning out and looking at the note. Hey I thought, if I hadn't of found this I'd still be having a great time. It was pure chance and at the end of the day if I was to rip it up nothing gained and essentially nothing lost.

I figured in my entire life time I would never have a chance like this and as my friends chatted away I started to tear up the note into tiny pieces. It took one or two glances in my direction for it to sink in what I was doing and at that stage all hope of spending the money was lost.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:42, 5 replies)

Somewhere in the region of £11,000 on cigarettes.
Damn you nicotine, damn you to hell.

I don't even enjoy smoking anymore, but can I give up? Can I fuck.

Any young people reading this should take note.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:33, 8 replies)

Bought a universal laptop cable for £5 at a car boot sale, BNIB, because I just fancied it.
Didn't use it for about 6 months, then my netbook cable suddenly packed up and woohoo, I had a spare!

Thank you, original owner, for effectively paying out £65 to keep me on b3ta. What a sport!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:26, 1 reply)

Builders==conmen.
Called a builder who had posted a leaflet through my door and arranged for (perfectly reputable national company) to re-pave an area behind my house.
They asked for half the money before even finishing the job, made an utter cock up of it and then got very suggestive about how they'd heard terrible things about how the local gypsies would find a house that had recent building work done and come to steal the bricks...

So I called (perfectly reputable national company) to complain about the shambles their team had made, they sighed and said I was the Nth person to call that week after a dodgy Irish scam merchant had gone around the area with re-printed copies of their leaflets, inserting his own phone number instead of theirs...
They weren't even interested in quoting for the repairs needed as the bloke invariably did such a bad job that even being seen repairing it reflected badly on them.

But that's not the waste of money, since I'd paid them very little of the price they'd asked for.
The waste of money comes in hiring a lawyer to persue the dodgy scam merchant and discovering that since he'd given a false name, false address, paid for his mobile phone with cash, drove a stolen van, and had an illegible siginature, I could provide no "proof" that would stand in court that he'd ever been near my place.
All he had to do was stand there, lie about persons unknown slandering his good name by printing bogus leaflets with his phone number on and walk away from the whole mess.

Three grand's worth of lesson that can be summed up as:-
"Criminals can safely ignore the law, because the law values the tansparent lies of knaves equal to the word of honest men."
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:23, 8 replies)

ooo, shiny!
when it comes to shiny objects, i have all the self-control of dawn french in thornton's. so, when i saw a disco ball for the reasonable price of £45, i decided i had to have it. never mind that i'd been saving the money for a badly needed winter coat, that shiny ball of mirrored awesome had to be mine.
after raiding my piggy bank, i trotted gleefully to the electronics shop and bought my sparkly treat. i was so happy, for at least half an hour.
never once did i use it. sold it 2 years later at a car boot sale for £8. what a waste.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:13, 3 replies)

I'm in danger of falling into the trap in 2 hours 26 minutes time
There's a pristine BBC Master 128 with a disc drive and games on eBay, a decent price (so far) and a chunk of my past nostalgia waiiting to be rediscovered. Only problem is, I've got a fully working free Beeb emulator and almost every game I ever played when I was young tucked away in a few megabytes on my laptop. So why do I need the bulky hardware?

I don't know. I just WANT.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:08, 21 replies)

Birthday/Christmas/valentines/first wank cards
Ok, who the hell decided it was "polite" to send some one a sheet of card with a picture on for various arbitary events in life? I'm happy to splash out on a gift, a drink or what have you for people I care about, but let's face it, if I buy a card, it's just going to get a quick glance, a mental tick next to my name on someones checklist of who's got them a card, then it's straight in the bin.

Really, who keeps hold of the cards, even the "funny" ones get at best, a short chuckle, then are left as some sort of display of popularity untill an acceptable amount of time has passed, then they are chucked out, hopefully recycled to come back again for some outher none event.

I text people happy birthday, put a message on facebook, maybe phone or attend some party, usualy lugging a token gift, so why splash out on a card? extras waste of money, hard on the environment and is clearly an invention to squeeze extra money from your pockets. Why must all subscribe to the notion that we must buy them?

Sorry if that turned into a rant, and before any smart arses make the joke, I do get cards, I'm not bitter!
(Mong goose, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 18:06, 9 replies)

As a special treat Mrs no 5
Let me buy an electric LayZ Boy recliner when we replaced the sofa as "dad's chair" . In the year since we acquired it I have had to cede use to the wife, both kids and the fucking cats and have actually got to sit in it on only about a dozen occasions as she usually insists in that peculiarly female way that I come and sit with her on the sofa instead of 'over there by yourself'. I am sure it sits there mocking me....
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:46, Reply)

I frequently
Buy nice clothes before remembering that saying about a pig wearing lipstick still being a pig.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:38, 3 replies)

Dr Who VHS
In the years before DVD I collected Doctor Who videos. At various conventions I paid vast amounts for rarities, e.g.:

Doctor Who and the Silurians for £70
The War Games for £55
The Dalek Invasion of Earth for £60

I completed my collection in 2003 with a copy of Invasion of the Dinosaurs - the last full story to be released on VHS - signed by Lis Sladen (thanks to a mate in Forbidden Planet).

Seemed a good investment at the time - collectors' items etc - but no-one wants to buy them now, not even the dribbliest of menks.

Have replaced most of them on DVD now and will probably have to give them to charity shops (except the signed ones, obviously, may still be able to flog those), but I just can't bring myself to do it yet.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:35, 3 replies)

Oh Christ I forgot
I bought a house with a soon to be ex girlfriend. That didn't cost me about 20 grand when we sold it shortly after, oh no!!!!!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:34, Reply)

Disneyland Paris
Do I really need to add any more?
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:29, 1 reply)

Custom snowboard boots
Ran out of talent before I had even finished lacing them up!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 30 Sep 2010, 17:25, 2 replies)