Still thinking...
But this story, just posted on the BBC website, is on topic.

Not funny, just totally reprehensible. Much like the utter bastards that drove past some poor woman being raped in broad daylight in the middle of the street the other day.

*Shakes head in sadness at the human condition*

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/7244782.stm
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:37, 9 replies)

want some help?
My mates dad was at home on afternoon, when he heard some movement from next door.

Outside his neighbours house was a removal van. In his dressing gown he opens the door and watches the men carrying all sorts of items into the large box van.

'do you want some help there lads' he shouts
'nah, its ok mate, weve nearly finished' comes the reply.

Mate's dad then smiles and waves, then goes back inside to watch a bit more TV. Cue 5pm when his neighbours come back from work. and the police are called,

Yup, you guessed it, they were robbing his neighbours house.... and he volunteered to help...

i love that story..
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:34, 1 reply)

Well....
I saw some guy smash a car window and swipe the radio when I was about 9 or 10. Police couldn't take an official statement or something as "I was too young" I think. Can't remember much more of what happened, as I got bored and wandered off and let my parent deal with it.

One time the police came knocking at my door at around 8pm, they were doing a major drug bust up the road, there were officers creeping around everywhere. The officer in question asked me to take a walk up the road, have a look at the house numbers up the street, and then come back and tell him what they were. After that there were a lot of sirents and flashing lights as they raided the house. Strangely, it never entered my mind to report all teh wrong numbers to him, as I guess that would have been funny...

I was walking up Tottenham Court Road (london) at about 6pm, it was winter of 1998 I think, so quite dark, and outside a particular fastfood establishment were two police cars and a few police milling about. There was some police tape blocking it off, and by the entrance was a very large pool of blood. I only missed the stabbing by about 8 minutes...

Probably the best one I "saw", I was walking up into the local town centre about 9 years ago, a 10 minute walk, and there appeared to be a trail of bloody foot prints... well actually, one foot print at a time, spaced far apart. Whoever it was had been running, and every so often, it was turned inwards - ie they had been turning to look behind them. anyway, it went all the way into town before it stopped. Saw a policeman and relayed the info, and he really didnt seem that interested, but took my details. So, I was on my way home and as the prints were still there, followed them back the source (which probably wasn't a clever idea). It lead back to a road adjacent to mine, and to a house there. At which point I just ran back home and decided I didn't want to be a detective after all.

Length? As long as the prison sentence some of these guys were entitled to...
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:33, Reply)

Having lived...
in some of the less salubrious student areas of cities (something that many prospestuses seem to carefully avoid) I have witnessed a couple of really bad things.. and some less so.

One of the first really bad incidents was whilst I was walking back from the pub I worked in, in North Wembley. We'd had a couple of beers afterwork as one does, the consequence of this was that although I could and should have afforded my last pennies to a taxi... I decided that my last fiver would be better spent the next day on more beer... So I elected to walk.

Having done this a number of times it didnt really cross my mind that vast majority of my journey would be down a major road, that has some of the highest levels of crime in London, perhaps the UK itself.

Waddling along, my house just 5 minutes away I come to a row of shops either side of the 4 lane road... the usual mix of newsagents, irish bar, chicken place and the other tat shops that you never go into.

Looking to my left I notice a skuffle and some shouting going on in the door way to the chicken place... thinknig not much of it - just drunk people trying to get free fried rat a presumed.

Oh dear - One third of a second later young english chap comes flying out the chicken emporium straight across the road into the Irish bar... 4/32nds of a minute later a crowd of 20 odd drunk irish builder types come storming out of the pub in the manner befitting a siege...

They werent happy... to put it politly...

All I can say is that it really was a sight to behold, and I was about to potentially get chucked into the middle of it...

So I did what all 20 year olds do - crossed into the middle of the empty road, avoided any staring - flying fishs - and seeing as it was run by turkish imigrants probably plenty of machetees... once out of ear shot - I called the police, now I was well within ear shot of the scene for a good 10 minutes... not a single copper arrived!!!

I never heard a thing about it in the papers, and the police never recontacted me regarding further information - oh well...

The second incident occured not 5 minutes after the first!!! I think they were possibly racing away from the scene... I turn my head to see an escort absolutly flooring it down the road - sounding very much like a box of cats with a squirel.

This in its self was not particulalry amazing, I just thought tosser... but just as I walked past a parked car... BANG!!! Escost is now planted in the rear quarter of parker car... I look and see the shock of the 4 passengers... bemused, very surreal, the chap driving whacks the car into reverse, with a couple of shunts hes free of the wreck, and once again racing off down the road...

All this fun was making me feel particulalry happy... it was like being part of some budget British movie, so once again, I flopped out my phone - and called the police!

Strangly however, the police did call me back and they were all caught, although they wouldn't/couldn't tell me if the two incidents were related... hmmmmm

Length - a good foot into the rear of the hatch back right over the rear wheel!!!
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:30, 2 replies)

Dumfries story No. 2
This also concerns physical violence on the streets of Dumfries. Another couple of my mates, Iain and Bob, also stayed there for a while. They lived in a flat across the road from some sort of girls' refuge, which delighted them as the place had no curtains, so they used to spy on naked teenage girls getting out of the shower etc. What a pair of perverts - if they had been caught they'd be signing their names on a register every day. Anyhow, I digress.

One evening, they heard a bit of commotion in the street below, and on looking out of the window, saw a bloke being beaten up by a few others, one of whom was hitting the unfortunate victim with an ice hockey stick. The bloke soon fell to the ground, unconscious. Rather than phoning for the police or an ambulance, Bob and Iain continued to watch for a while. After a few minutes, once the assailants had all gone home to watch the telly or whatever, the victim suddenly regained consciousness, jumped to his feet, grabbed a convenient piece of wood as a weapon and roared, "Come on then, I'll take youse all!"

Then in a comedic moment, he looked around himself, realised there was no-one left to fight with, dropped the bit of wood and shambled home.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:29, Reply)

I wish someone had witnessed it...
My motorbike got stolen from my back yard last Thursday by the local troublemaking chavs. Unfortunately, despite the fact that the takeaway downstairs was open and they would have had to lift it OVER a car that was parked in the way of the back gate to get it out, no-one saw anything.

Length? About 7ft.

(Oh, and this was the SECOND bike we've had nicked, the first was taken in broad daylight. Cheeky fuckers.)
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:26, 1 reply)

Manchester
Through getting my ex up the duff i decided it would be the gentlemen thing to get a house and move to where she lived so she could be near her family.

Droylsden, Manchester

in the 2 years i lived there, i saw:

1. a car being 'joyrided' around the football field behind our house with 3 copper cars in tow, and a helicopter over head. It was then dumped into the canal that ran alongside the field.

2.Two guys trying to rob my rear fence, at about 2pm - i was watching them - its only when i shouted to f off that they realised and ran off..

3. Another car being 'joyrided' around the football field behind our house with 3 copper cars in tow, and a helicopter over head. It was then dumped into the canal next to the car that still hadn’t been cleared up.
So then we had two smashed up cars floating in the canal… If I remember correctly the wiper blades were still moving a week later.

4.I got up one night to watch a thunderstorm only to see two ~12yr olds stealing a motorbike from my neighbours shed.... i chased them down the alley near my house, only for them to jump on and speed away across said field and into the night.

5.Numerous times we found crowbar marks on our backdoors. Luckily we had several locks bolted on the other side.

6.Next door neighbours got burgled.... they were in their 80's - which really f'ked me off. They stole their hearing aids so they couldn’t be heard.... cnuts!!

Bear in mind I’m from Merseyside - and have never seen so much crime.

There are more stories - funny stories and ill post these later...
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:26, 1 reply)

Grim
I grew up on a pretty rough council estate. It wasn't quite 'shameless' but certainly somewhere in that direction.

I remember once being woken up by shouting late at night. I looked out of my window to see a few people running around and a couple of fights in the street, followed by the arrival of several police cars. I later found out that a man from over the road was stabbed through the throat.

I couldn't really 'wade in' since I was about 6 or 7 at the time and it was waaaay after bed time.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:25, Reply)

Gorton (part 1)
A few weeks ago, I awoke to unusual sounds coming from the street outside. Peering around the curtain, I noticed that the road had been cordonned off and that there was a lot of policemen, police vans, police... well, you get the picture.

While I was eating breakfast, there was a knock at the door. A bobbie wanted to know if I'd witnessed anything unusual. Resisting the temptation to point out that a copper on my doorstep before 8am was hardly run-of-the-mill, I mumbled something about having heard an engine at some point, but that I had just rolled over and gone back to sleep.

By lunchtime, the cordons had gone, and there was only one police van left. I still have no idea what allegedly happened right outside my house...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:24, 5 replies)

"Sorry, wrong house mate!"
I've never been a witness to a crime, unless you count a girl band covering a Smith's song. However, a person I used to work with has.

He was sat in his kitchen, when he saw his previously locked door open. In walked a chav, who very quickly ran out yelling "Sorry, wrong house mate!".

The reason? Said ex-colleague was sat at his kitchen table with a sharpening kit and katana... happily honing the edge on his blade. From what I hear a sum of money was later posted through his letterbox in recompense for the back door.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:20, 2 replies)

Sunny Sunday Afternoon
I was sitting In my living room and saw two tramps outside sharing a bottle of cider (Y'all know the ones, 3 litres of alcholic piss basically). Anyway, "I could have a laugh with this" methinks. Quick call to the local cop shop to report them. Cops arrive to move them on and I watched and waved whilst smoking my joint.

Not a crime as such but worth a chuckle!!!
(Krizla6.9, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:20, 4 replies)

Dumfries story No. 1
Dumfries is a fairly violent place for such an ordinary Scottish town. A mate of mine lives near there, and he and his brother had been on a night out a good few years ago. On the way back home, they decided to "drive once round the town to see if there's any fights".

As it happens, there was. They came upon an altercation (probably in the Whitesands for those of you who know the town), where one bloke was receiving a serious kicking from a group of neds. They stopped at a safe distance, watched briefly, then drove off and went home.

They read in the paper a few days later that a murder investigation had commenced because the guy had died from his injuries. I don't think they came forward as witnesses though, as the blokes responsible were soon caught.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:20, 2 replies)

Not my story...
...but one of my favourites.

Many years ago, some of my friends used to do the rubber-sword live action RP - dressing up as orcs and running about in the woods hitting each, that sort of thing.
One Sunday a group of four or five were driving back in a van from an event where they had been playing Knights Templar when, driving past a bus stop, they happened to see some bloke pushing a girl about.
I often wonder what went through the minds of the bloke and girl as a battered transit van pulled up next to them and a gang of knights in shining armour piled out. They restrained the bloke, hailed a cab and paid for it to take the girl home, and then gave the man a short homily: "Remember, son, hitting women is wrong - and we're watching", before leaping back into the van and screeching away.

I wish I'd been there.
(davywavy, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:19, 9 replies)

Choose your category
1) Amusing tales of minor infractions like driving 32 mph in a 30 zone, downloading, drinking alcohol while underage, shoplifting.
2) Drunken violence perpetrated upon yourself or witnessed by you.
3) Real crimes like bank robbery and murder.
4) Totally made-up bollocks and puns.

I'll be plumping for 4.
(frankspencer, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:19, 4 replies)

From our scabby flat in Aberdeen...
...I used to sit in the windowsill and people-spot. We lived in an interesting area, so quite a few freaks and nutters could be seen.

One afternoon, I had the pleasure of witnessing a chap almost succeed in crossing the road at a set of traffic lights. He got halfway across and then decided to stop and sit down in front of the line of traffic.

The lights changed, the cars beeped, and the chap refused to move. A tad inebriated, it would seem.

The lights cycled back to red, and then to green again, and by this time the lead driver was getting a little aggravated. To the extreme where he stepped out of the car, calmly lamped the bloke, and then booted him out of the way of the traffic. Not sure, but I think I saw some of the drivers in the following cars applaud.

To his credit, the bloke ambled off in a good natured fashion, nursing a fairly mashed nose as he went.

I went and had a cup of tea.
(trumpet, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:18, 1 reply)

Hmmm
I've seen drugs been sold, travelled in stolen cars whilst being tailed by the police and been the victim of numerous crimes myself, including assault and rape.

I was with a vicious ex boyfriend once who proceeded to beat the living arse off of me outside Aldi (all class that boy) which many people witnessed, and did nothing to help. Luckily, after being beaten, strangled and pinned against a fence, a security guard came to my rescue. All he did was stand far away and shout until Ex left me be. Security guard didn't even bother to check if I was ok afterwards. Stupid non involving public :D

I also once witnessed a girl being beaten by her bloke, and jumped in there to break it up. I remember screaming at him to feck off and pick on someone his own size, and pushing him. I still think about it and laugh, all 5ft 4 blondness of me, tottering in on my high heels telling him to 'come and have a go if you think you're hard enough'. The girl turned out to be great company and we sat by the road, drinking vodka out of the bottle at 1am until we eventually stumbled off in different directions.
(missc, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:17, 3 replies)

I witnessed several crimes...
Take That attempting to play Teen Spirit, Mariah Carey trying to sing Without You...I could go on...

_{I'm sorry. I really am. /Gets coat, scarf, gloves, waterproof trousers and wellies...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:12, 2 replies)

I live in Coventry….
witnessing crime is a daily occurance

I witnessed another one this time last week when the mixtape QOTW was released...but let's put that behind us now...

Even though it seems the B3ta overlords are insistant on releasing questions that are more likely to provoke negative and unhappy responses, I’ll give it a bash.

*starts thinking*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:06, 7 replies)

Time to repost
Everything that was on the Shoplifting question a few weeks back.

I'll have to think about this one...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:05, Reply)

Let's get this up before anyone else...
www.imdb.com/title/tt0489010/
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:02, Reply)

I once saw
a teenage girl lifting a lipstick from Boots' counter and stick it in her pocket.

Hardly the crime of the century, but it shocked me as I was just a wee impressionable lad at the time.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 12:01, Reply)

I was made to
I was made to take my sisters to see The Spice Girls at the O2
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:57, Reply)

I witnessed a crime...
I saw Dubya sworn in a second time.

I could do nothing about it.

Worst crime in decades...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Yay - First (not) Post!
I witnessed my cousin downloading films and music from dodgy filesharing sites.

To stop this abomination to intellectual property rights I banned the internet.

I also charge dying people in the third world loads for my patented pharmaceuticals.
(jmaxi returned again on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:57, Reply)

Maybe first post
About two months whilst out boozing ago I got smacked right in the face by some Neaderthal.
It was a crime and I witnessed it very closely
(smells-like-victory-v's, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:56, 2 replies)

Ouch
I saw a bunch of blokes attack another bunch of blokes ..not surprisingly I ran away....50 meters away from a police station...no sign of any coppers!

At least I attempted to answer the q even if it wasn't an interesting tale!
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:56, 2 replies)

Damn, third!
A few weeks ago, some absolute tit decided to try and steal a car outside my house in the middle of the night.

Except he seemed to be the worst kind of tard, and just fcuked up. He set off the alarm, revved the engine, and then drove it straight into the car in front. Then sat there revving the engine some more. Then tried to reverse out of the space, and went straight into the car behind. This went on for quite a while. I almost down there to demonstrate how to steal a car, so I could get some sleep. Pillock.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:56, 1 reply)

2nd
Ner!

Anyway...

I witnessed a crime when I was about 21(ish) on a night out in Liverpool (funny that!) anyway, I was rather/very pissed and quite happily having a wee down an alleyway (a crime in its self) when I saw a bloke getting mugged a bit further down, had a bottle to the muggies throat and everything.

What did I do? well, I shouted/Slurred 'Oi! whacha doing'? and the mugger shouted back 'what the fuck does it look like'? in an angry voice, so I finished my piss, turned around, tripped over a bin bag and broke my nose, me screaming attracted my mates and the mugger ran off apparently.

so I inadvertently witnessed and stopped a crime.

Woo me!



(Kip, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:56, Reply)

First!
Well, I better make this a good one, it'll take a while to type up, to in the meantime, this story will contain:
Insomnia, gin, murder, a white van, penetration and full nudity...

Back in the days of my student-hood, I lived in a quiet street in Surrey.
I’m a poor sleeper at the best of times, due to various “special” things about me, so I would often be very awake at stupid times of the night/morning.
The night in question, I had been tossing and turning, *ahem*, for several hours, and at about 4am I decided to get up and have a glass of water.

A little wobbly on my feet from too much gut-rotting cheap gin, I made my way to the kitchen, bollock-swingingly naked, only to see a white van speed down the road, out of our street, and away.

“Odd”, I thought, and then went back to bed…

-----One Week Later-----

Came back from my lecture on human parasitic worms to find the street crawling with police, cordons up, and various other excitements.
Turned out that the gentleman who lived in the house opposite had been stabbed.

A week ago…

In the bath.

The resulting man-soup had started to smell, prompting the people next door to call the police.
Turned out that the van I saw had been “relevant to police enquiries”.

Link to the story for the unbelievers… news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/4856384.stm

Length was about 6 foot of brown slime. With bones in. *shudders*
( Cawl, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 11:55, 4 replies)